In Need of Encouragement and Advice

[Wildflora]

I've been a member of the LHC for about a year and a half now and my hair is no longer than it was when I started. In fact, I think it's shorter now! My problem is that once a year I get a shorter hairstyle, trying to recapture the happiness of a time in my life when my hair was shorter. Underlying this I have wanted long hair for years now. I am feeling so disgusted with my lack of persistence in going through the difficult stages. Thinking about growing out my hair again seems an arduous task with a high likelihood of failure (when I decide again in a year to get a new cut). Is there anyone out there that can relate to this but has accomplished longer hair? If so, how did you do it? What are the ingredients for success? I know patience is one - and that is my chief downfall. Thanks in advance!

[Gypsygirl]

I've always had long hair, so, no, I haven't been through that myself...but I'd like to suggest something. How about telling your family and all of your friends that you want to grow out your hair- and tell them to yell at you if you ever mention getting it cut again? They would probably support you and keep you from getting another cut you don't really want...
Another thing that helps me in similar situations is writing a letter to myself. Sit down and write about why you don't want to get it cut ever again. Then, when you do feel tempted to get it cut, take the letter and read it. It might make you change your mind...

[Wildflora]

Thank you, Gypsygirl. I think those are really good suggestions and I'll try them. I think that the letter would work particularly well for me because I seem to have a selective memory when I'm gearing up to cut my hair and I ignore/forget all of the reasons not to do it. There was once a time when I was young that I had really nice, long hair. Maybe I should also pull out some of those pictures and include them in the letter.

[longhairedfairy]

My hair has always been long, but I'd say you should experiment with your hair in different "up" styles and play around with hair ornaments (sticks, combs, hairforks, etc.).

ETA: Oh, I also like to look at long hair photos for inspiration.

[LaurelSpring]

I would say that you have to want it more than the next new hairstyle. This is how it was for me. When I saw LHC and all of the beautiful hair I wanted it more than any hairstyle. Keep motivating yourself with the pics and styles here and ignore the magazine ones.

The next step is to do the put it up and forget it thing. It took a couple of times for me to totally ignore my hairdresser. I was convinced terrible things would happen if I didnt trim it every 6-12 weeks. Guess what happened? My hair got longer and I still dont have any split ends. Now it doesnt even phase me. My urge to cut is gone for the most part. Now its clear sailing to whatever goal is ahead of me. I dont know what that is yet but I just determined that I wouldnt cut it and thats what I did. I get my excitement now from trying new updos rather than from cuts.

[rose_in_bloom]

:grouphug: I'm so sorry you're feeling bad, Wildflora. It's very discouraging to try for so long and not see any progress. And it's especially difficult when you're dealing with strong emotions from the past. I'm not sure what exactly you're dealing with, but you might try thinking of it this way: Your short hair was not the cause of your happiness (I assume, although I don't know the situation). Try to see growing your hair as moving forward, making a new you instead of dwelling on the past.

As for practical hair-growing advice, I'd recommend just taking care of your hair and your self, perhaps try adding some supplements to aid growth. Maybe treat yourself to some deep conditioning, or something like that.

I hope this helps. Feel better soon! :)

[jera]

This sounds like a psychological problem. First you want long hair, but then cut it because you say you prefer a shorter style. :confused:

Maybe you should think about what you really want, because once you decide you truly want long hair the member support here will help you to achieve it. :)

[Gypsygirl]

Maybe I should also pull out some of those pictures and include them in the letter.

You're welcome and yes- that's a great idea!

[Eireann]

I have definitely walked in your shoes! My problem was always the in-between lengths that looked worse than short or long hair. I wanted to look better, and going short was a much quicker fix than toughing it out through the awkward stages. The thing that worked for me was setting time windows where I would not cut, such as, I won't cut before my birthday, or Christmas, or Easter, or fill in the blank. Sometimes I would cave and cut anyway, but it did help to restrain my impulsive nature. After a while, it got long enough that I really started being protective of the length, and it got easier to resist the impulse. On this board, people talk about the "two week wait" before you make any change to your hair. That way you know whether you really want it or if it is just a passing fancy. Also, don't be too perfectionist. If being happy with your hair requires occasional heat styling, or teasing or dyes or other LHC "no-nos", then by all means do what makes you happy (in moderation. . .keeping in mind you have to give your hair a little extra TLC.) Good luck!!

[Unofficial_Rose]

Maybe you could find a picture that you like of a hair type and colour that is similar to yours, but long? Then that could be your goal hair.

I've subconsciously done this - I spotted a picture of a similar hair waviness and colour and said to myself "This could be your hair if you could only leave it alone for a bit" ;) I've saved it on my pooter.

[Laurenji]

My problem was always the in-between lengths that looked worse than short or long hair. I wanted to look better, and going short was a much quicker fix than toughing it out through the awkward stages.

This has always been true for me, too. I had long hair all through high school, then cut it the summer after I went to university. Now I'm trying to grow it out again, but it's hard to resist the temptation to cut it short. My problem is that it's so easy to go from long to short, but so much harder to go from short to long. I've definitely taken all the gorgeous pictures of long hair on here as an inspiration. Patience is tough--that's why it's patience! But I promise you, it'll pay off.

My advice? . Start some sort of countup: it's been x months since I cut my hair, or x years or whatever. Make a little sign if you have to (but don't make it daily, or you might start fretting too much about it). Then, every so often, update your sign. Pretty soon the numbers will get nice and big, and you won't want to have to reset it.

[manderly]

I think a huge ingredient for success is activity here. :flower:

A member since 2007 and you only have 71 posts. I think what keeps a lot of us going is being here and being active :) It keeps our minds on the "prize", and we have a constant cheering section, inspiration, and people to talk us down when we want to do something silly.

Come play with us more and your hair will grow! :flowers:

[Guinevere]

Try my advice:

1. Get one of your pic,
2. Get a picture of the dream hairstyle you wanted.
3. Combine it using Image processor (like Adobe Photoshop)
4. Print it out (Several prints)
5. Put it around your house (Bathroom, Study, Bedroom), anywhere that you would see it.

I think this will remind you how you want your dream hair so much! Keep telling yourself "I can have that dream hair if I wait."

Goodluck!

[melrose1985]

I'm pass my shoulders and i have been thinking about cuting again because this middle faze stick! but instead i bought a couple of cheap hair toys (i know i'm going to out grow them) to play around. And to be honest one you get to the point you can put it back do it because it helps get over that hump of being bored.

[whiteisle]

My problem was always the in-between lengths that looked worse than short or long hair. I wanted to look better, and going short was a much quicker fix than toughing it out through the awkward stages.

I'll second this one! My other problem is that I'll know someone who comes in with a great short cut and looks fabulous with it and makes me want to do it too. (I'm so weak sometimes :p). That's what happened this last time. Thanksgiving. Friend comes. New short do on her. Fits her to a T. Me too! Me too! 2 weeks later I'm sporting a pixie I can't stand and all I want to do is cry for the next 6+ months.

That's the memory I'm trying to hold on too to keep myself from chopping again. I've had a few urges but when I do I come here and read and look around at all the beautiful long hair and it helps me get back on track. I had long hair, by most standards, when I was in high school and I have on rare occassions pulled out my senior pics to drool over how long it use to be and dream that one day it will be there again. :)

[ungratefulgirl]

Hey, I totally know how you feel!!! I was happiest with a bob..everytime I grow my hair to shoulder, I cut it back to a bob. I once had waist length hair before I ever had the bob, but it was a miserable period in my life. So hair does bring back certain times, for sure. Unfortunately, everyone tells me "you look so good in a bob", or, "you look better in a bob", so that makes it harder to grow it. Even worse than that, it's my boyfriend's favorite hair style on me, and the happiest time in my life just happens to be when he met me, with a bob. So it's very sentimental to me to have a bob, unfortunately. But, this year, I turned 25 and realized how I missed seeing hair down my back when I was in the shower. Also, I was honestly tired of feeling jealousy when I looked at long haired women flicking their hair and tossing their heads. I just really fell in love with it again. Now I need to realize what's more important: how I feel now, or how I felt then. I need to not live in the past. You need to make new good memories, with a style of hair that speaks for you. That's about the best help I can give. And neither a mohawk nor pixie speaks for me anymore...the bob I have to say my fairwell to, and since I'm growing a mohawk out, I'll probably have a year to do it.

[ungratefulgirl]

I think a huge ingredient for success is activity here. :flower:

A member since 2007 and you only have 71 posts. I think what keeps a lot of us going is being here and being active :) It keeps our minds on the "prize", and we have a constant cheering section, inspiration, and people to talk us down when we want to do something silly.

Come play with us more and your hair will grow! :flowers:

That's why I'm here. So I don't cut my hair.

[Jules diamond]

I can completely relate to this. For the past six years I've lived in very hot climates, coming from a cold and humid one. When I moved, I decided to start growing my hair out, but once summer came around I'd always cut it because of the overbearing heat. I've found it's mostly mind over matter. I keep regretting it every time I cut my hair short, so I just remind myself that I will. As you can see it's approaching BSL and I don't plan on going back. If it's because of you remembering good times from when you had short hair, I can understand wanting to have that, but your short hair cuts don't have to be the only thing to remind you, right?
Hope this helps you!

[CaliRose]

I second (or third or fourth) the idea of playing with new updos and styles. Experiment with the variety available to the length you have now and plan a day when a "hair appraisal" will be. If the condition of your hair allows, put it *several* months (enough time to see some growth/improvement in condition) into the future and try to stick until that point without trimming or cutting. Just have fun with styles and conditioning treatments you find in the forums, as well as hair toys. When that day comes, take a look at your growth progress and evaluate all the new styles and tips you've learned. Hopefully, you'll feel some accomplishment that will ward you off from cutting. Think of it as an extended two-week rule!

[LutraLutra]

:grouphug: Growing hair is hard enough, let alone having memories and emotions attacted to how we feel about the way our hair looks.

I agree with what other people say

1 - post more on LHC. It's fun, and it keeps me on track. I love reading the progress threads - seeing other people's growth is really inspiring.

2 - you say that having shorter hair reminds you of a happy time in your life. Hair is great stuff, but sadly it can't protect us from whatever life throws our way. Let it go.

3 - Say you won't cut until next saturday. Then when you reach next saturday, say you won't cut until the saturday after. Keep doing that and in time you'll have a year's worth of growth. Lots of little steps will get you want to be just as easily as big steps.

Happy growing. :)

[Heavenly Locks]

For me, it wasn't about shorter styles being the temptation...it was bleach, highlights or color...then after that, I'd HAVE to go shorter to deal with the damage.

I had to embrace the natural color I have and it's been wonderful. Embrace YOUR hair...even if it is a weird length. :) Small trims to keep it neat a couple times a year are a good way to feel in control of it. Also, do fun things TO your hair so you can feel like you are doing 'something'. Special treatments, fun products and some stylish accessories can really make you feel like your hair is fun at any length.

Oh and I second the "come here more" :)

[janeytilllie]

I have been there too. I was shoulder length with layers 3 years ago. I am now past waist, I still get the urge to cut because I hate my layers. But these things help me through it :) :

*Shopping! :cheese: buying hair toys,shampoos and hair conditioning treats is real pick me up :D
* Having a hair goal length
* Hair pictures I admire to help me resist the urge to cut
* TLHC! :D
* Whenever I feel bad about my hair. I would put it up in a bun and forget about it.

Hope this helps :flower:

[brok3nwings]

i dont really know what to say about this cause right after i decided to grow it i just think it would be a nightmare to cut it short again... its really scary just even to think about it so.. i dont know

[Rosepatrice]

Just keep up the good work so far and don't quit... it's hard when our hair isn't as beautiful as the next....but it will get better!!

[Wildflora]

Thank you all for your support and good suggestions. I'm starting to incorporate some of them into my routine and thinking already. I agree that spending more time on here will help a lot :)! I may not be around as much for a few weeks since I'm planning to get married in Hawaii in a couple of weeks and there's so much to be done to prepare... but I think that's a good reason :crush:.

As far as the hair cutting urges being a psychological problem - definitely. I have a very strong associative mind and I match my hair to different phases in my life. I'm trying to work on understanding that the hair didn't really have anything to do with why those were good times and that I can feel good and be happy with my hair in any style or stage. I also need to work on having the patience to get through those tough shoulder-length times when my hair is flipping out and harder to wear up.

[losgan]

And just know that you aren't alone - I just joined, and as you can see in my avatar picture (taken today) my hair is at a really awkward stage. I just have to tough it out.

I like looking at pictures of all the neat styles you can do with long hair! Short hair does NOT have that versatility. The only thing short hair makes easier is that you can stuff it into a wig ... or hat ...

[spidermom]

I can completely relate. I've been telling people every since I was a little girl that I would grow my hair down to my legs. But I kept getting side-tracked by cute new cuts or color or perms. I guess I had a lot of different "looks" to get out of my system because I never got around to growing that long hair before about 8-10 years ago. Now I'm not much tempted by cuts (at least not until I reach my goal) - I've had a version of everything out there already. Nothing was as nice as what I have now.

[akurah]

The key, imo, is keeping your hair up.

One of my girlfriends has hair as long as I do, easily, and I'm almost waist. Unfortunately because her hair fairytales (from damage of dye) and she just plain doesn't take care of it, she's been tempted to cut. If I thought she'd be happier with short hair I'd take her to the salon myself, but she frequently expresses envy over my hair and a desire to have long hair.

Whenever I have her at my house I detangle her hair for her and coconut oil it. Last time she was over, I showed her how to do a braided chinese bun, and told her to not be as down on her ends for she was able to do it due to slightly thinner hair whereas I can't until I'm at least hip, if not longer. As much as it doesn't sound like a bright side to people with fairytale ends who are unhappy with them, I can assure you it's not much better on this side of the thickness gap--it's really just people wanting what they can't have. Kinda like straight haired wish for curls, and vice versa.

She is discouraged because she says her hair has been the same length for over three years.

Her problem is she constantly wears her hair down and likes to drive with the windows down. This causes tangling from friction from chairs, from wind, from purses, and it damages her hair pretty good. I know if I can convert her into wearing it up, it will get longer. It's a "fake" terminal length caused by damage.

I have pointed her here but she hasn't joined yet. Busy and stuff.