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marla
March 31st, 2009, 06:19 AM
I was out to lunch with some coworkers Friday. I noticed that my friend "M"'s hair was looking very nice as it had grown down to her shoulders. Just as I was making this mental note, "R" who would best be categorized as M's supervisor, said "M, your hair is really getting very long." And her tone was rather, shall we say, critical. Now M is very much a fragile girl, extremely insecure, and I think she sensed the tone of criticism in R's voice, and she said "Yes, I know, it is getting too long. I'll get it cut this weekend." And I said "NOOOO! It looks great!" And then R interjected "She really shouldn't wear it that long." I started feeling very frustrated at this point. But the waiter came over so the conversation ended. On Monday, M appeared with her hair in a sensible bob, blown out straight. It was very sad. I still can't believe she did it.

Loviatar
March 31st, 2009, 06:47 AM
That's a shame if it was R's comments that made her do it. However, she did say 'it's getting too long' which implies that perhaps she agreed with R.

If she honestly agreed, then it's her choice. But if anyone feels pressured to cut (or to grow!) their hair by someone else, it's unfair.

I do find it a bit rude that the boss would make a personal comment like "Your hair is getting very long" though, if she was being critical about it. My old boss used to say my hair was getting long, but she was positive about it. It's a shame when people feel they have to make personal unwanted remarks.

princess
March 31st, 2009, 06:53 AM
Some bosses feel that they have control over the people who work under them. I mean it has to do with your means of living isn't it? It is a pity that this kind of thing exists. I have seen it happen to one of my co workers. I do not remember anyone commenting to her but it was pressure from higher above yes and she did not want to but cut it to shoulder length.

Phalaenopsis
March 31st, 2009, 06:56 AM
I always hate to read these kind of stories. But you did what you could, the rest is/was up to her. I hope I don't get a boss like that though.

Carolyn
March 31st, 2009, 07:51 AM
How sad if she felt she had to agree with her boss. You did what you could by telling her you thought it looked great. She may have been planning on cutting it anyways. If she starts growing it again, you could give her more compliments on how nice she looks with longer hair.

lora410
March 31st, 2009, 08:09 AM
Sounds like the poor girl is painfully shy and has no backbone. That is really sad her boss takes advantage of that :mad:

IndigoInk
March 31st, 2009, 08:22 AM
See I always feel a little Spiderman about supervisors, with great power comes great responsibility. Most supervisors have enough people skills to recognize when a person is insecure/easily influenced. There are only two times a boss should comment on a person's appearancce. As a compliment, or b/c there is a workplace related issue (like they need to wear a hair net or visible thongs aren't appropriate for working in a law office.)

I'm sorry your friend was preyed upon by her supervisor. You did what you could.

JamieLeigh
March 31st, 2009, 09:18 AM
Wow. I really REALLY hope it was her own choice to cut, and not just doing it to keep peace in the office. It does seem like that comment was kind of random, though. I mean, it's not like she was sitting there messing with her hair and saying, "Gosh, my hair is SO long, I really think I should cut it, what do you guys think?" That would be different than someone just tossing out there that her hair is too long, IMHO. I'm glad you were at least letting her see the other side of it, and that you let her know it looked nice at a longer length. Some people just don't like long hair - fact of life - and we can't change the way everyone feels. :o

Delila
March 31st, 2009, 09:48 AM
I do think it is sad when the workplace environment is allowed to influence such a personal choice.

I once worked in an office where 'the style for women' was to wear black hose and black shoes, with a black handbag. Everything else was negotiable within certain limits of environment and so-called professional attire, but for that, conformity was total. Bizarre as it sounds, I'm not even sure that most people even noticed it.

Igor
March 31st, 2009, 10:44 AM
And next week she will change her makeup over a comment like that… The week after that, the way she dresses… Then she will go on a diet because of a comment from the supervisor… :rolleyes:

Friesiangirl
March 31st, 2009, 01:39 PM
I can relate to this poor gal, as I was very critical of myself in response to my superiors opinions. Often, an insecure person will allow the superior to be secure and make decisions for them. Consequently, that person is a timid and rarely secure with their sense of self.

It is sad, but it's a cycle that only one can break. That one, is the individual afflicted.

Hayley

Robbi Dehlinger
March 31st, 2009, 01:55 PM
Hi!

So obviously this person's comment meant more to here than yours?? Maybe you can influence her to grow back??:)

jera
March 31st, 2009, 03:55 PM
Aw, that's such a sad story. Another potential long hair bites the dust. :( But it serves t reinforce my belief that it takes a lot of fight and guts to grow and wear your hair long in this world.



:luke:

invisiblebabe
March 31st, 2009, 04:05 PM
"Too long" at shoulder length?! That's ridiculous. I have known many professionals - PhD professors included - with hair past shoulder length.

Out of curiosity, how long is R's hair?

marla
March 31st, 2009, 04:57 PM
R's hair is the length that M's hair is now....

invisiblebabe
March 31st, 2009, 06:26 PM
R's hair is the length that M's hair is now....

At least she's not hypocritical about that :P but it sounds like she wants to turn everyone into her little clones :rolleyes:

princess
April 1st, 2009, 09:25 AM
See I always feel a little Spiderman about supervisors, with great power comes great responsibility. Most supervisors have enough people skills to recognize when a person is insecure/easily influenced. There are only two times a boss should comment on a person's appearancce. As a compliment, or b/c there is a workplace related issue (like they need to wear a hair net or visible thongs aren't appropriate for working in a law office.)

I'm sorry your friend was preyed upon by her supervisor. You did what you could.


Really! Because this person who worked with me was a sales rep kind of person and she depended on two boys who worked there. She needed their support. They are really rude people and kind of like bullies. I do not know what happened exactly she had BSL and I remember she cut it up to her neck even shorter than shoulder if I care to remember now. She mentioned the word guys so kind of I understood it was the guys who had something to do with it. I had long hair which used to irritate them too. But they never even talked to me. So it was not an issue.

People do bully you. It happens every day in life. If you are unsure about something/ if you are a person who can easily be scared. Then yes