View Full Version : Obnoxious attitude to long hair? She means well but I need to rant!

March 25th, 2009, 09:38 AM
So my sister is a lovely wonderful woman, but she doesn't understand why people want really long hair.

This isn't a direct problem with me because my stupid hair won't grow beyond BSL. However my step-sister Audrey has the MOST BEAUTIFUL blonde, straight, shiney, soft hair which grows at a rate of knots (even though she washes it four times a week in the cheapest stuff and actually using it as a scarf in winter, do I sound jealous?) and is currently at finger-tip length with a very healthy blunt hemline. Now every-time we see her my sister will not let off nagging her about how much better it would look cut to her waist.

I sort of understand her argument no one except the family gets to see her hair down in all its glory because its too much of a bother but I don't know how to stop her telling Audrey what to do with her hair. The last time we met up Audrey told me that she actually wants to grow it to knee length and our sister wouldn't let up ALL EVENING about what a bad idea that was etc. etc.

I don't know what to do, I just send Audrey lots of hair toys to keep her morale up, personally I can't wait to see her with it grown to her knees,

March 25th, 2009, 09:47 AM
Boy, there must be something in the air! Seems like everybody wants to rag on people with lovely long hair. Maybe it's a spring thing - for those of us in the Northern Hemisphere, at least :).

Sounds like your sister is jealous.

March 25th, 2009, 09:52 AM
I don't think there is anything that you can or should do about your sister. Audrey probably knows what to expect from your sister and handles it in her own way.

March 25th, 2009, 09:57 AM
I don't think there is anything that you can or should do about your sister. Audrey probably knows what to expect from your sister and handles it in her own way.


Also I think you are doing the best thing by being supportive. At least you two have each other to lean on. I know I would love to have a cousin who would send me hair toys :D

March 25th, 2009, 09:57 AM
That does sound difficult to listen too all the time, but unfortunately there may be nothing you can do to hush your sisters nagging. I think you are already doing a great job at keeping Audrey spirits up with the hair toys and maybe just compliment her on her hair when you see her to kind of counter react the negative that comes from you sister. After all it does seem to be working so far if she is now considering knee length.
Maybe if you could talk Audrey into joining up here we could all help encourage her to continue growing. Not to mention the inspiration she will most likely get after seeing the all the beautiful heads of hair on here:)

March 25th, 2009, 09:57 AM
I would just keep supporting Audrey and maybe introduce her to this site? :) Just let her know how you feel about your sister's rude comments and that you disagree with your sister. In 2nd grade they taught us that it takes 2 warm fuzzies to kill a cold prickly...does anyone else remember those things? lol

March 25th, 2009, 10:00 AM

Also I think you are doing the best thing by being supportive. At least you two have each other to lean on. I know I would love to have a cousin who would send me hair toys :D

I so second that!:D How wonderful would that be to have a family member to lean on and be so supportive of your long hair journey.

March 25th, 2009, 10:01 AM
Oh, feel free to rant, I think we are all sympathetic! Yes, there does seem to be a surprising amount of hostility towards long hair - from other family members - at the moment!

Wow, I have to admit, if I had super long hair I'd wear it down a lot. (I know, it's long hair that I already have, but I don't often go out with it all let down simply because it attracts a lot of attention, although it is usually very nice attention!)

Audrey sounds like she's doing fairly OK - and telling someone to BELT UP ALREADY about their nagging usually doesn't work. A pity, because it is none of their business how long (or short) anyone cares to have their hair!

March 25th, 2009, 10:03 AM
I completely agree with the idea of directing Audrey to this site. And it sounds like you're already doing the most effective thing possible, by being supportive of her decision to grow. Like someone posted above, I'd LOVE to have someone send me hair toys!! Sounds like she's got a great friend (and sister) in you. :)

As for the one who's negative all the time...I doubt you could do much to change her attitude toward hair. Long hair isn't for everyone, and some people just plain don't like it. Just continue to be supportive, and if you hear her being negative about it, jump in with a positive comment to balance out the situation. :D

March 25th, 2009, 10:07 AM
Gee, this sounds familiar. I just posted about how my mother recently got after me about my hair. Something is definitely in the air.

I posted about my experience and received lots of wonderful advice. Some of the suggestions that stand out in my memory include:
*Gently but firmly explain to her that you understand she means well but she is hurting Audrey's feelings. Sometimes family members don't recognize how hurtful their comments can be.
*Ignore the comments and change the subject so she doesn't continue the critique. I tried ignoring, but my mom pursued the discussion. I want to be prepared next time to steer clear of the whole subject, even to the point of stating (be calm but strong) that the subject is not open to discussion. At all. Period.
*Remember that hair preferences are personal style preferences and it's not about Audrey in particular or the actual health or beauty of Audreys (or your) hair. Rather, it's that the sister just does not like long hair. It wouldn't matter how healthy or pretty the hair was, so much as how long it is. If she thinks only shorter hair is attractive, then no long hair will please her. That is HER problem, not yours/Audreys. So don't allow your/her feelings to take a bruising.

Best wishes to you both. Is your sis a member here? Sounds like she should be. Her hair sounds lovely.

March 25th, 2009, 01:24 PM
Give Audrey all the support you can. If your sister says something to Audrey about cutting her hair shorter in front of you, you could say something like "Oh Audrey I hope you don't do that. Your hair is so pretty and exceptional now". You get the idea. If your sister keeps up with the comments you could say something to her that her comments are upsetting to Audrey and she is too polite to say anything. It's possible your sister doesn't realize how hurtful she is being to Audrey.

March 25th, 2009, 01:31 PM
She's lucky to have a sister like you! As others have said - how is she not on here yet?? ;)

March 25th, 2009, 02:39 PM
Ok, every time your sister says something like that to Aubrey, turn to your sister and start making random comments about her hair. EVERY TIME.

Your sister: "You should cut back to waist, it would look soooooo much better."
You (to your sister): "OMG! You should totally shave your head, I bet you'd look totally awesome"

Your sister: "Aubrey, why won't you trim your hair, it's just too long!"
You (to your sister): "Holy crap sis, your hair is way long, it would look sooooooooo much nicer on you if you just cut it off up to your ears. Seriously, you would rock that."

Your sister: "Aubrey, you can't be serious about wanting to grow to knee, that would look AWFUL!!"
You (to your sister): "Sis, I can't believe you let your hair get this long, it looks positively HIDEOUS!! You really need to cut it."

If your sister doesn't 1) get annoyed by you constantly criticizing her hair or 2) get the point. She's dumber than a box of rocks. I think she'll figure out how crappy it is to have someone telling you how you should cut your hair. ;)

March 25th, 2009, 03:33 PM
It sure is a delicate situation. And you can support your stepsister when your real sister is not there kind of make her understand that you are there for her and not to mind your sister's comments.

March 25th, 2009, 03:56 PM
She doesn't have to UNDERSTAND your step-sis's motivation, she either has to support it or keep her mouth shut. There are a lot of things I don't agree with that my friends or family do, but I either stick with a neutral comment, like "I'm really glad you're so excited! That's a great goal for you." or I don't say anything at all.

Honestly, the way she keeps pointing it out suggests SHE is the one obsessed with hair, not Aubrey. Aubrey sounds like she has a pretty healthy attitude about hair, no matter the length :)

Lady Godiva
March 25th, 2009, 04:57 PM
Honestly, the way she keeps pointing it out suggests SHE is the one obsessed with hair, not Aubrey. Aubrey sounds like she has a pretty healthy attitude about hair, no matter the length :)

Goodness gracious, how easily some people's "buttons" can be pushed. Perhaps suggest to your sister that she allows long hair to have too much control over her, if suddenly she loses her dignity, control of her tongue, and turns rude at the sight of it. Long hair is only a styling option, not a earth-shattering matter, and other people's grooming choices shouldn't have so much power over her.

March 25th, 2009, 05:04 PM
I think you should offer Audrey all the encouragement and support you can.

If it were MY sister, I'd tell her to just mind her own darned business and that would pretty much take care of things. But I don't know your sister, so...YMMV with that tactic.

March 26th, 2009, 02:31 PM
Yeah, whenever I hear about these kinds of comments, of people urging others not to grow their hair to "extreme lengths", it usually has an underlying tone of... Jealousy.
Because, really, why else would somebody be so hell-bent on getting somebody to cut their hair? What could the person possibly achieve from giving such advice?

I think it's really nice that you're giving your Auntie hair toys in support. It must help to balance out your sisters "advice" :P

March 26th, 2009, 02:42 PM
Okay, here's today's update.

One of the three of them was in spin class again this morning. I was already on the bike warming up when she walked in and took the bike next to mine (where she'd already placed her stuff before I came in). She looked a little nervous and really I paid her little attention.

As luck would have it, everyone else in the class were long time regulars and I know them all pretty well. I kind of felt sorry for the woman sitting next to me because she clearly didn't know anyone else.

Class rocked, the instructor and I were paired up in our instructor training and we've known each other a long time. I broke a personal best this morning and made over 500 calories burned, which means I have to bring cinnamon rolls to the next class. As class was ending, I told everyone I'd bring cinnamon rolls on Tuesday, and I looked right at the woman next to me and said, "Hope you'll all be here!"

Class ended, I walked out and into the locker room. She followed. And APOLOGIZED for what her friend had said. Told me that she and her friends were here for some kind of retreat for a week and they would be leaving on Sunday. Her friends were too intimidated to come back to spin class - they thought *I* would be there and *I* would be mean to them (as if!). And that she thought my hair was "just fabulous."

ETA: Only I could do this. I had this thread and the other one (mine) open and managed to post this in the wrong one......doh!!! :rolleyes: Sorry.......taking my toys and going back to my thread now....

March 26th, 2009, 02:47 PM
WOW! :bigeyes:

An apology! How fantastic!

Did you accept and make peace?

March 26th, 2009, 02:53 PM
[quote=Islandgrrl;520093]And APOLOGIZED for what her friend had said. quote]

Sometimes people just open their mouths before their brains engage. Your initial reaction obviously made this one realize how rude her friend's comment was.
Perfect. Sometimes I'd rather stay mad and dislike someone, but you gotta give this one credit, her apology was brave.

March 26th, 2009, 03:38 PM
Islandgrrl -- wow result!

Thank you to everyone for their support, I vented by buying silk hair ribbons for Audrey at lunchtime and popped them in the post. I wish Audrey would come here she'd really like it but English isn't her first language and whilst she can speak in it fine I don't think she's written it since she left school nor is she particularly computer friendly, she's an artisan. So although I tell her stories of people here she which she enjoys doesn't seem to want to join in. However I will continue to encourage her.