Hair bully - feeling down

[janeytilllie]

Last friday a girl in my class said one of the most stupidest things

She said to me :

Your hair is so long why do you waste it by tying it up all the time!

My response" It gets in the way for college plus I like doing different buns" Her dumb response

"Only old ladies wear buns and you need to move with the times"

I ignored her because shes sixteen shes very popular in class and I just want peace to study and complete my course.

But today I feel really upset. I feel like crying. :(

I went in today and this morning she was at me again!

I wore my hair down today because yesterday I was feeling very happy and postive about my hair for once.

She said one of the must hurtful things she said " You need a hair cut your ends are horrible and thin and its looks really silly. You would look much prettier with it bob cut"

I hardly know this girl, and she keeps pestering me about my hair. I thought after her stupid comment on friday it would be over, but I was wrong.

I said to the girl politely "I like my hair the way it is I'm happy with it, I don't intend to get it cut"

The girl lost it

She said "I have a right to a opinion and I was trying to help you. If I want to look nerdy ugly and stupid, so be it.

I reported her to my tutor but my tutor basically said she does have a right to her personal opinion and that to ignore her. And that shes only sixteen.

I left college early because of the situation.

Im very very sorry for my post. But I really need to get of my chest. And everyone here is so nice and suportive.

I feel really self conscience about my hair again and I feel so upset.

College finishes in June so I won't see the silly girl after that. I hoping tomorrow she leaves me well alone.

How do you cope with negetive hair comments? Any advice?

Thank you everyone

[Unofficial_Rose]

Wow! What a nasty piece of work she sounds. I find it inconceivable that she won't be disciplined for this :disgust:

With these "popular" people who are really nasty, I sometimes think everyone secretly hates them but are only nice to them because they are afraid of what b*tchy comments they will have to suffer.

Your hair looks fine, btw. Please don't get a bob, it would be such a shame!

[Eboshi]

WHERE are these "old ladies" with hair buns anyway? I've also heard that only old ladies wear buns but I've never seen even one.

They all wear their hair short: pixie to bob.

Hmmm, sixteen and a "popular girl" ? I suppose one retort would be to offer to help her in her studies. "I've heard you're really not doing so well this term. Perhaps you should try studying every now and then instead of focusing on others."

[Fifty-Five]

Don't let her get to you. Some people just don't have any decency.

[Loviatar]

Janey, just ignore her and focus on your hair's good points.

"why do you waste it by tying it up all the time": It's not wasting it, it's protecting it. Think how much more damage you might have if you wore it down all the time.

"Only old ladies wear buns": Er, yes. That's why the many ages of LHC all wear buns... oooh you could always join the tight-bunned mean ladies club :D

"If I want to look nerdy ugly and stupid": Just being nasty, plain and simple, she clearly just wants to say something mean. Ignore and feel happy that you're not so shallow as to put people down on their appearance because they dont agree with you.

"You need a hair cut your ends are horrible and thin and its looks really silly": again, she's just trying to say something nasty. Who was it that said if you cant say anything nice dont say anything at all? Ditto "You would look much prettier with it bob cut": blah, blah, blah. Change the record.

Not all 16 year olds are immature but you seem to have run across one who is. Enjoy your hair and dont let her get to you. After all, she doesnt have beautiful hair :)

[annie09]

ooh thats rotten i think your ends are lovely and your hair is great she must have problems with her own self image to be saying these nasty things to you, just try and avoid her all you can because she sounds like trouble. sorry i dont have any better advice, someone else here will deffo have better advice for you.:)

[janeytilllie]

Wow! What a nasty piece of work she sounds. I find it inconceivable that she won't be disciplined for this :disgust:

With these "popular" people who are really nasty, I sometimes think everyone secretly hates them but are only nice to them because they are afraid of what b*tchy comments they will have to suffer.

Your hair looks fine, btw. Please don't get a bob, it would be such a shame!

Thank you.

I'm really mad that my tutor thinks that because she sixteen she can get away with saying horrible comments.
Im just going to try and ignore her. Im hoping after her out bust she won't talk to me tomorrow.

Thank you for the hair compliment I'm 100% not cutting.

[Kuchen]

As your tutor has let you down, I think you just have to grit your teeth and rise above it. Avoid the moo.

[Euphony]

What a tough one, is there any way you can stay away from her at least til the term is over. You could always say something along the lines of 'didn't your mother ever teach you that unless you have something nice to say, don't say anything at all?'

Slightly off course here~
WHERE are these "old ladies" with hair buns anyway? I've also heard that only old ladies wear buns but I've never seen even one.


I saw a woman that was somewhere in her mid 70's with the most gorgeous rope braid put into a cinnamon bun. Her hair was very long for the size of that bun, and the ends of the rope braid that wrapped around were very tiny, I'm sure she hadn't had a hair cut in years and years, I would've loved to have seen it down, I'm sure it was beautiful. But it was a positively gorgeous bun!

That is the only older woman I think I've seen though with a bun :D

[princess]

It was a horrible thing that the girl said.

I really sympathise with you .

Much as the girl has a right to her opinion she does not have any right to say that to you.

I have been in such kind of situations even worse.

My:twocents: to you.

Just take the whole episode off your mind. Do not feel bad about going back to the college or even facing that girl again.

Act as if nothing has happened.

[spidermom]

With people like that, sometimes it helps to pretend to listen to their suggestions and respond with something innocuous like "I'll think about it (for 1/10th of a second)." It makes some people really uncomfortable when other people don't go along with the flow. This is her problem, not yours.

[Kerynna]

I read a similar retort on here elsewhere and I liked it: Say something like "Too bad I don't choose my hairstyle to please you. You'll just have to get used to disappointment." Follow up with a pseudo-sweet smile.

[janeytilllie]

WHERE are these "old ladies" with hair buns anyway? I've also heard that only old ladies wear buns but I've never seen even one.

They all wear their hair short: pixie to bob.

Hmmm, sixteen and a "popular girl" ? I suppose one retort would be to offer to help her in her studies. "I've heard you're really not doing so well this term. Perhaps you should try studying every now and then instead of focusing on others."

I think her bun comment was really to upset me. I think maybe she was trying to make me feel bad about my hair? Buns are very fashionable and have always been. I really don't understand why she is being so mean about my hair?

[Kuchen]

Here are some dowdy old ladies with buns: one (http://www.angelglam.com/photos/uncategorized/updo05010702.jpg), two (http://www.virtualhaircare.com/images/Vogue/long_blonde_hl_bun.jpg), three (http://www.goodhousekeeping.com/cm/goodhousekeeping/images/rachel-weisz-updo-hg-de.jpg), four (http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_c-Xt8aj6Du4/SAhchNu72aI/AAAAAAAAAJ8/g6lAEwoY4co/s400/lef_updo_1.jpg) and five (http://www.goodhousekeeping.com/cm/goodhousekeeping/images/jennifer-lopez-updo-hg-de.jpg).

[JamieLeigh]

What a horrible person!! I agree with what others have said: I think she's got a lot of self-esteem issues that she's projecting onto other people like yourself. She sounds like the bratty teen type who is not used to hearing "no", or having her suggestions declined, even politely. Unfortunately, people like that don't always grow out of those phases, especially if they continually surround themselves with sheep who bend to their every will and pet their egos for them. Ick. :mad:

And just where are all the old ladies who supposedly wear buns?? Where I live, there are hardly any long-haired older women, unless they follow religious guidelines of some sort. Most of the older women here have short, permed, BLUE hair. :rolleyes:

[Kina]

your hair is lovely. she's clearly used to people doing what she says or treating her suggestions as important and useful, even if they are not.

you can politely tell her that you are appreciative of her efforts, but her delivery leaves something to be desired and had she not couched her feedback in such a negative way, you may have been more open to hearing it, or having a dialogue about it. As is, her feedback was negative and hurtful.

This should also be told to the tutor who should know better than to let someone get away with that.

It might provide her with a good learning experience, that is the tutor's responsibility not yours.

[Eireann]

I'm so sorry you have to go experience such treatment! Regarding bullies, I always believe that their punishment is that they have to be that person! Can you imagine how unhappy she must be that someone else's choice about how to wear her own hair bothers her that much? She's probably so obsessed with being "in" that your apparent willingness to look different from the norm is a threat to her world view. I wouldn't excuse her conduct because of her age. Anyone who thinks calling someone "ugly nerdy and stupid" is "helpful" has the emotional maturity of a teaspoon. Besides, if long hair isnt' fashionable, then why do all the Hollywood stars pay hundreds of dollars for extensions?

[janeytilllie]

Janey, just ignore her and focus on your hair's good points.

"why do you waste it by tying it up all the time": It's not wasting it, it's protecting it. Think how much more damage you might have if you wore it down all the time.

"Only old ladies wear buns": Er, yes. That's why the many ages of LHC all wear buns... oooh you could always join the tight-bunned mean ladies club :D

"If I want to look nerdy ugly and stupid": Just being nasty, plain and simple, she clearly just wants to say something mean. Ignore and feel happy that you're not so shallow as to put people down on their appearance because they dont agree with you.

"You need a hair cut your ends are horrible and thin and its looks really silly": again, she's just trying to say something nasty. Who was it that said if you cant say anything nice dont say anything at all? Ditto "You would look much prettier with it bob cut": blah, blah, blah. Change the record.

Not all 16 year olds are immature but you seem to have run across one who is. Enjoy your hair and dont let her get to you. After all, she doesnt have beautiful hair :)

Thank you your sweet message

Im trying not to let her get to me, im just really really shocked about her comments and cheek. I think its unfair I come to college to learn get a eduction and I have to deal with an immature girl.

[EtherealJane]

Buns really are in style these days, as evidenced by the links provided. But really, any "style" type of show has featured buns as of late. The next time this girl says something to you, you DON'T have to be polite--I'd be tempted to say something like, "I don't appreciate your unsolicited opinions about my hair. I'm actually trying to pay attention in this class--maybe you should try too, it'll get your mind off my hair."

I probably wouldn't actually say that, but it's so darn tempting!

[Eboshi]

Here are some dowdy old ladies with buns: one (http://www.angelglam.com/photos/uncategorized/updo05010702.jpg), two (http://www.virtualhaircare.com/images/Vogue/long_blonde_hl_bun.jpg), three (http://www.goodhousekeeping.com/cm/goodhousekeeping/images/rachel-weisz-updo-hg-de.jpg), four (http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_c-Xt8aj6Du4/SAhchNu72aI/AAAAAAAAAJ8/g6lAEwoY4co/s400/lef_updo_1.jpg) and five (http://www.goodhousekeeping.com/cm/goodhousekeeping/images/jennifer-lopez-updo-hg-de.jpg).
:scared: Saints preserve us all from such a horrible fate ! You mean with my hair buns there is a potential that I might actually end up looking like THAT?

:rollin:

[janeytilllie]

It was a horrible thing that the girl said.

I really sympathise with you .

Much as the girl has a right to her opinion she does not have any right to say that to you.

I have been in such kind of situations even worse.

My:twocents: to you.

Just take the whole episode off your mind. Do not feel bad about going back to the college or even facing that girl again.

Act as if nothing has happened.

Thank you for your advice

Im going to concentrate on my stuides and ingnore the moo moo.

[JamieLeigh]

Regarding bullies, I always believe that their punishment is that they have to be that person!

VERY well said! I agree with this. And what's sad is unless she grows out of this, she will never know what it's like to have a real friend. :(

And janeytilllie...I'm sorry I didn't say this before when I posted on this thread...but I love your hair, and I think it looks amazing. Apparently you have something nice that this girl doesn't have, so she's attacking you for it, hoping that you'll cave in and she'll be number one again. I'd take her criticism as a compliment. That type never even take notice of you unless they feel threatened in some way. Know what I mean? :)

[viking_quest]

Since I go to school with 16 year olds and all of them have some of the worst hair I've ever seen so I wouldn't care about what they have to say. Your hair is gorgeous and don't let anybody put you down for it. Just ignore her and she'll eventually stop and find a new person to project her "opinions" upon.

[Kuchen]

:scared: Saints preserve us all from such a horrible fate ! You mean with my hair buns there is a potential that I might actually end up looking like THAT?

:rollin:

Eboshi, it's TERRIBLE. All this time you have been walking around with a hair do that could belong IN VOGUE, or ON THE RED CARPET!

[janeytilllie]

Buns really are in style these days, as evidenced by the links provided. But really, any "style" type of show has featured buns as of late. The next time this girl says something to you, you DON'T have to be polite--I'd be tempted to say something like, "I don't appreciate your unsolicited opinions about my hair. I'm actually trying to pay attention in this class--maybe you should try too, it'll get your mind off my hair."

I probably wouldn't actually say that, but it's so darn tempting!


It is tempting to shout at her especially about her silly bun comment. But I think the best way to get at someone is to ignore so Im going to do that

Thanks for your advice and kind message

[spidermom]

Just dropped back in to add that this girl still has a high school mentality. You might want to point out that college women don't talk to each other like that (or not - I don't think it'll help).

[Pixna]

:scared: Saints preserve us all from such a horrible fate ! You mean with my hair buns there is a potential that I might actually end up looking like THAT?

:rollin:

OH MY!!!! What a terrible, terrible fate. ;)

Janey, your hair is lovely. Teen girls do everything they can to "fit in." That's what makes them popular -- being a carbon copy of everyone else and thinking they're "cool" because of it. You are an original -- a beautiful, unique WOMAN. Disregard the comments from the little girl. One day, she will grow up, and a fitting retribution would be some young kid telling her how she she should look.

If there is a way to not sit near her or escape her presence, do so. Hang out with the mature kids and ignore her. She'll get the hint soon enough.

[janeytilllie]

VERY well said! I agree with this. And what's sad is unless she grows out of this, she will never know what it's like to have a real friend. :(

And janeytilllie...I'm sorry I didn't say this before when I posted on this thread...but I love your hair, and I think it looks amazing. Apparently you have something nice that this girl doesn't have, so she's attacking you for it, hoping that you'll cave in and she'll be number one again. I'd take her criticism as a compliment. That type never even take notice of you unless they feel threatened in some way. Know what I mean? :)

Yep I do. I think she may even be jealous she seems very determined for me to cut. When I told no Im not cutting, she flipped.

[Beldaran]

I think its unfair I come to college to learn get a eduction and I have to deal with an immature girl. Not all the lessons one learns in college come from books.

Honestly I'd just ignore her. As in 100% completely ignore her. The next time she asks you a question, don't even look at her. It'll drive her nuts at first, and she may say meaner things but I bet she stops with in a day.

Ok, I'd give one last retort, pretty much the one Kerynna gave, and then I'd 100% ignore her. :eyebrows:

[janeytilllie]

:scared: Saints preserve us all from such a horrible fate ! You mean with my hair buns there is a potential that I might actually end up looking like THAT?

:rollin:

This made me laugh and brought a smile to my face :) thanks

[HairColoredHair]

She has a right to an opinion and you have the right to ignore it/tell her to shove it.

Perhaps she's feeling a bit underpowered (the popular things in highschool get such a shock in college, poor dears) and needs to exert her opinions over everyone else.

The fact that she's belittling you says she's by no means mature enough to listen to reason...

I'd just laugh at her and ignore her and maybe feel a bit sorry for her.

[janeytilllie]

OH MY!!!! What a terrible, terrible fate. ;)

Janey, your hair is lovely. Teen girls do everything they can to "fit in." That's what makes them popular -- being a carbon copy of everyone else and thinking they're "cool" because of it. You are an original -- a beautiful, unique WOMAN. Disregard the comments from the little girl. One day, she will grow up, and a fitting retribution would be some young kid telling her how she she should look.

If there is a way to not sit near her or escape her presence, do so. Hang out with the mature kids and ignore her. She'll get the hint soon enough.

The class is very full and everyone has settled in their own seats. I might try and have a word with my tutor if I could move seats with another perosn. But I have a feeling I will have more luck with talking to the wall than my tutor.

[sibylla]

Sorry you have to go through this bullying. People can be so cruel. You have princesslike hair and that girl is jelous and insecure. I answer people who say I should cut it with:Why?Do you need some...
or:Get a life,will you (mind your own business)or:I´m sure your mama likes you..

Try to shake it off.She´s not worth you getting upset.
Many hugs from you longhaired friend!:cheese:

[janeytilllie]

Sorry you have to go through this bullying. People can be so cruel. You have princesslike hair and that girl is jelous and insecure. I answer people who say I should cut it with:Why?Do you need some...
or:Get a life,will you (mind your own business)or:I´m sure your mama likes you..

Try to shake it off.She´s not worth you getting upset.
Many hugs from you longhaired friend!:cheese:

Thank you for your sweet message and support. :)

[CindyLea1]

Your hair is lovely!

I know it is not the correct way to handle the situation, but...... I would just tell her to take a flying leap. And that I don't care what she thinks about my hair or anything else for that matter. Then shift in your seat so that everytime she looks at you all she sees is your wonderful hair, bunned or not!

Some folks just don't know how to shut the he** up!

I am sorry you tutor has dismissed her actions so quickly. He/she should at least have made arrangements to move you...Or better her!

[Nightshade]

When in I was HS I was the only person there with hip-length hair, and it was flaming red. I wore black corsets and long pretty black skirts.

I hated the popular girls and they, in turn, hated me.

One day during my senior year, one of the popular girls I was in band with and actually got along with pretty well came up to me in the hallway. She looked me over for a minute and the pressed her lips together and said, "I wish I had the guts to do what you do every day, just for one day." And she walked away.

And I gained a bit of perspective.

Many of the "popular" crowd have a very low measure of self-esteem. They don't dare be different because then the pack they run with will turn on them and tear into them. The only thing they have to keep themselves reassured that they're "doing it right" is to make it plain that everyone else is doing it wrong.

Be confident, and do what you want. It makes them question themselves. :flowers:

[flaming bunny]

Jeez...What a cow. I'd be tempted to tell her that she'd look prettier if she wasn't such a b*tch :p but that's just me.
Just try to ignore her, every time she makes a comment like this, it just shows you how immature and petty she is. If you have to respond (its difficult to completely ignore someone talking directly at you) just tell her to grow up and mind her own business. I hate bullies.

Oh, and you have beautiful hair btw :love:

[CrystalStar]

What a mean sounding girl :( Not all teenagers are like this, seriously :p

I suggest going with 'Don't you have better things to care about?' :p

[janeytilllie]

When in I was HS I was the only person there with hip-length hair, and it was flaming red. I wore black corsets and long pretty black skirts.

I hated the popular girls and they, in turn, hated me.

One day during my senior year, one of the popular girls I was in band with and actually got along with pretty well came up to me in the hallway. She looked me over for a minute and the pressed her lips together and said, "I wish I had the guts to do what you do every day, just for one day." And she walked away.

And I gained a bit of perspective.

Many of the "popular" crowd have a very low measure of self-esteem. They don't dare be different because then the pack they run with will turn on them and tear into them. The only thing they have to keep themselves reassured that they're "doing it right" is to make it plain that everyone else is doing it wrong.

Be confident, and do what you want. It makes them question themselves. :flowers:

Thank you for your message and support. I'm gonig to just continue on and give her the good old silient treatment, its the best weapon :). Thank you again

[PrliamntofRooks]

Here are my comebacks:

1. I think you should grow your hair out. It might cover your lack of self-esteem!

2. I'll make a deal with you: I'll cut mine when you shave yours BALD!

3. If I cut it short people might confuse me with you.

4. "Conformity is the hobgobblin of little minds." Another word for those who "go with the flow" is "Lemming".

5. I can't cut my hair. I'm growing it out specifically to strangle YOU with it!

Feel free to use any or all of these! I'm sure I'll come up with more later!:D

[burns_erin]

I am sorry she treated you poorly and you felt bad. Rest assured your hair is lovely as it as.

On the other hand, just to play devils advocate, but I would assume, if she is 16 and at college, then she is one of the few. She is probably feeling more than insecure and out of place. While early entrance to college is a good thing for some students academically, it can be a bane socially and psychologically. I know when I started my freshman year, I ended up around quite a few of the younglings and was frankly astonished by their behavior. Once i got to know them though, I could sometimes understand (but not condone) their more inappropriate behavior. SOmetimes a quiet "I can understand you are feeling insecure but, that was a rather inappropriate social interaction you instigated and I would appreciate it if you could limit your comments about my appearance" gained me a friend, and soemtimes a bitter enemy. If the latter occured I avoided the person in question when possible.

Additionally, if she is a part of some sort of early entrance program, there should be someone who is over it that complaints can and should be made to when neccessary. Not saying it is a first resort, but if things do escalate... Programs like that have rather strict watchdogs over them that are supposed to make a smoother transition for all involved.

[janeytilllie]

Jeez...What a cow. I'd be tempted to tell her that she'd look prettier if she wasn't such a b*tch :p but that's just me.
Just try to ignore her, every time she makes a comment like this, it just shows you how immature and petty she is. If you have to respond (its difficult to completely ignore someone talking directly at you) just tell her to grow up and mind her own business. I hate bullies.

Oh, and you have beautiful hair btw :love:

Thank you for your support :)

[janeytilllie]

Here are my comebacks:

1. I think you should grow your hair out. It might cover your lack of self-esteem!

2. I'll make a deal with you: I'll cut mine when you shave yours BALD!

3. If I cut it short people might confuse me with you.

4. "Conformity is the hobgobblin of little minds." Another word for those who "go with the flow" is "Lemming".

5. I can't cut my hair. I'm growing it out specifically to strangle YOU with it!

Feel free to use any or all of these! I'm sure I'll come up with more later!:D

Thank you :) for this this made me laugh so much :rollin:

[ktani]

First of all, you hair is gorgeous.

Second of all, there is a huge difference in having an opinion and trying to force it on someone, unsolicited. You did not ask for her advice.

She is singling you out because you appear vulnerable to her and she is right (she upset you). She no doubt observed that. She has continued with this behaviour so it is not a "one of" situation that should just be ignored by the staff at your college. She is an emotional predator.

You are sensitive (not oversensitive), which IMO is a good thing.

However there are those who have a keen emotional sense of "smell". I like to call them "emotional vampires" and they prey on people they perceive as vulnerable.

Your tutor is out of line, IMO. This 16 year old is a bully. Bullying is wrong and most places these days take action aganist it in classrooms. It makes no difference how old the bully is. They tend to start young.

You make no mention at all about what her hair is like or what she looks like. She may be jealous of you. Or she may be going through a very difficult time of her own and is lashing out. All of that is irrelevant.

The next time she tries anything, tell her "thanks but no thanks" for the advice and REPORT her. If she is allowed to continue this kind of behaviour (and she has been), someone else will be her next victim. Your college has an obligation IMO, to put a stop to bullies, without excuses.

[Pixna]

Here are my comebacks:

1. I think you should grow your hair out. It might cover your lack of self-esteem!

2. I'll make a deal with you: I'll cut mine when you shave yours BALD!

3. If I cut it short people might confuse me with you.

4. "Conformity is the hobgobblin of little minds." Another word for those who "go with the flow" is "Lemming".

5. I can't cut my hair. I'm growing it out specifically to strangle YOU with it!

Feel free to use any or all of these! I'm sure I'll come up with more later!:D

That really made me laugh, too (thank you!). Keep 'em coming! I'm so bad at coming up with good (and humorous!) retorts like this. Sometimes saying them with humor (or seriousness), depending on the situation, can deflate or deescalate the matter. I'd love to hear more of your creative comments!

[Loviatar]

Imagine yourself as having a coating of silicones :D Every nasty comment is just going to slide right off.

There are a$$hats everywhere. I found that when I went to college, the ratio of them to good people decreased a lot. But I'm sorry you found one. Hopefully you can rise above her dumb remarks and enjoy your college time.

Or you could channel Eboshi and :pins: her :D

[JessTheMess]

This girl is obviously envious. I think that your hair is beautiful and that your ends are fine!

[biosail]

Let me start by saying that long hair is awesome! I have shoulder length hair now, I just cut ~8inches off because I thought it looked bad. I have always worn my hair in a pony tail. Untill I found this site and all the wonderful people that post I thought that when it grew too long I would cut it because I had no clue how amazing long hair can look.
I 'll bet that this young girl has no idea about long hair! Your hair is beautiful and you should feel beautiful with it up or down. You should be proud of your patience to grow it out, what an accomplishment.
I can't wait until I can have a bun as gorgeous as the ones all you long haired girls can have!
Oh and my husband thinks buns and all the variations look great, no old lady in site!
Oh yeah, and I have show this site to all my friends here in Graduate school and every single one of them is excited about all the beautiful hair!

[janeytilllie]

First of all, you hair is gorgeous.

Second of all, there is a huge difference in having an opinion and trying to force it on someone, unsolicited. You did not ask for her advice.

She is singling you out because you appear vulnerable to her and she is right (she upset you). She no doubt observed that.

You are sensitive (not oversensitive), which IMO is a good thing.

However there are those who have a keen emotional sense of "smell". I like to call them "emotional vampires" and they prey on people they perceive as vulnerable.

Your tutor is out of line, IMO. This 16 year old is a bully. Bullying is wrong and most places these days take action aganist it in classrooms. It makes no difference how old the bully is. They tend to start young.

You make no mention at all about what her hair is like or what she looks like. She may be jealous of you. Or she may be going through a very difficult time of her own and is lashing out. All of that is irrelevant.

The next time she tries anything, tell her "thanks but no thanks" for the advice and REPORT her. If she is allowed to continue this kind of behaviour (and she has been), someone else will be her next victim. Your college has an obligation IMO, to put a stop to bullies, without excuses.

Im going ingnore her but if she continues her behaviour I will go to the programme manager because my tutor is usless.

The girl has shoulder length poker straight layerd blonde hair. She is quite thin and wears modern fashinable clothes anf full of make up. She is very loud and a in your face kinda person.

I am very quiet person and I suppose she does see me as easy prey and vulnerable.

Thank you for your advice and support :)

[Xandergrammy]

My guess is that this young lady was raised by someone who was very critical of her. I'll bet she doesn't know any better. With this particular piece of work, I'd tell her in a calm voice that what she is saying is very rude and socially unacceptable. Tell her to get used to the idea that the people in her world will not conform to her standards of anything.

[princess]

Sorry you have to go through this bullying. People can be so cruel. You have princesslike hair and that girl is jelous and insecure. I answer people who say I should cut it with:Why?Do you need some...
or:Get a life,will you (mind your own business)or:I´m sure your mama likes you..

Try to shake it off.She´s not worth you getting upset.
Many hugs from you longhaired friend!:cheese:

Sybilla when you say princess like hair is it a pun? Is her hair like mine?;)

Because it is like mine. In fact I could not help thinking that her hair looked just like mine waves and all.

If so then I have to thank everybody for all the hair compliments.

[spidermom]

Ignoring her sounds like a fine plan. If you ever feel like it, you can tell her some really good news - adult women get to decide ON THEIR OWN what to do with their hair.

[az_sweetie01]

Not all the lessons one learns in college come from books.

Honestly I'd just ignore her. As in 100% completely ignore her. The next time she asks you a question, don't even look at her. It'll drive her nuts at first, and she may say meaner things but I bet she stops with in a day.

Ok, I'd give one last retort, pretty much the one Kerynna gave, and then I'd 100% ignore her. :eyebrows:

I'm with this plan of attack.

If she keeps going maybe try laughing at her. No one likes to be laughed at ;) I find it REALLY throws people off. It's as if you're saying, "I don't really give a flip who you are or who you think you are, tell someone who cares."

You have fabulous hair, try not to be too glum about someone else's stupidity.

[lynlora]

If it keeps up I would be more blunt as in - " at least when I look into a mirror it remains in one piece" She is just :crazyq:.

[Unofficial_Rose]

Every time she looks as you, you could flick your lovely long hair at her and smile sarcastically, pref. while looking as evil as possible. :evil:

I'd blank her if she speaks to you, or say to someone else: "D'you know, I could have sworn I just heard a little mouse squeaking!"

Some of the comebacks on here are fantastic!

[RavennaNight]

Wow sounds like this kid doesn't belong in college! How immature. Ignore the brat.

[hippiechick1976]

next time ask her why she wastes her time telling you things you could care less about and your entitled to your opinion and she needs to use her time more wisely!....people bug me LOL

[ktani]

Im going ingnore her but if she continues her behaviour I will go to the programme manager because my tutor is usless.

The girl has shoulder length poker straight layerd blonde hair. She is quite thin and wears modern fashinable clothes anf full of make up. She is very loud and a in your face kinda person.

I am very quiet person and I suppose she does see me as easy prey and vulnerable.

Thank you for your advice and support :)

You are most welcome.

It sounds like she is both insecure and immature but again, that is irrelevant. She is out of line, period.

I think that your plan is a very good one. You should not have to put up with her misbehaviour at all. Good luck!

[SimplyLonghair]

First off Janey your hair is lovely and you should flaunt it! This person obviously has some major issues that are not yours to deal with. My suggestion is to just ignore her. As others have said.

But do it in such a manner that she realizes that she is being ignored, because she is obviously very dense. Look through her, don't acknowledge that she is even breathing. This is the worst thing that you can do "popular" person. They get their affirmation from being "correct" and "in style". They have everything wrapped up in that and threatened with those of us that manage to follow a different drummer. Keep strong and follow your own drummer not the bandwagon. You are either a leader or a follower, if you are in style you are a follower not a leader. Be a style setter!:cheese:

[Rebelkat]

IMHO, it sounds like she has a serious case of the green-eyed monster. For her to tell you it's a waste for you to wear your hair up and that you should wear it down, then when you don't agree with her, she tells you that it looks horrible and you need to cut it... doesn't make much sense at all. Basically, she wants to "transform" you into a little popular girl clone. Back in high school, I had a group of cheerleaders *no offense to anyone on here that may be or has been a cheerleader, btw* actually sit me down and try to force a makeover on me. THEY EVEN BROUGHT OVER SCISSORS WHILE TELLING ME I NEEDED A HAIRCUT. Needless to say, they did not succeed. These were some of the same girls who bullied me over my scoliosis (they called me things like Quasimodo and Hunchback of Byrnes High), so their opinions meant nothing to me. "Popular" kids just get off on bullying people, and most of the time there's something about the people they bully that they're jealous of. Just keep that in mind and feel superior to her low self esteem. :thumbsup:

[JamieRose]

So I'm quite new here, and have been too lazy so far as too upload a picture or comment on anything, but reading this I feel compelled to.

Girls like her are a dime a dozen. It's always the spoiled popular girls that will attack anyone they deem 'unworthy' (aka, not popular by their standards) for having something they don't have. I have a friend who is like this, she is very rich and spoiled and that sorority kind of girl who hasn't worked a day in her life. She goes tanning like crazy, and attacks me all the time for being naturally tan. Like I can help it. She just tried to make me feel stupid because no matter how much time she spends in a tanning booth, she has never been tanner than me, just oranger. :)

So I wouldn't waste another minute worrying about her shallowness. She is obviously jealous because you have long, beautiful hair, and she doesn't. Tell her she would look WAY cuter with some expensive (and non-hair friendly...) extensions glued to her big, self-absobed head.

[lora410]

I had my fair share of teen bully's. I suggest if you plan to be around her you keep your hair up. God only knows if she wants to be really mean and take the :scissors: to it. I am sorry this happened to you :flower:

[Elbereth]

"You know, you would look much better if you kept your opinions to yourself."

*a long, stern look from her head to toe* :disgust: "Thank you, but I prefer looking ugly in your standards."

"I see my hair controls your thoughts. I rather enjoy having such power over you." :evil:

"You have a right to opinion. So do I. And my opinion is that your opinion about my hair sucks." :tongue:

Your hair is beautiful- except for the color, it looks quite a lot like my hair. And even if your hair looked like a carrion bird's nest :brains:, it would still be your hair, and no one else's business.

Don't show her she has managed to upset you- that would be rewarding her. Your action plan sounds good.
She does NOT have the right to bully you. You DO have the right to a friendly study environment where you can perform to the best of your abilities.

[DarkChocolate]

What a horrible thing for her to say!!

My ends grow like yours and my ex-roommate once said almost that same thing to me. She said that my ends made it look like I had less hair. I just ignored her.

I like your wavy hair and fairytale ends.

Just ignore her!!!

Is she really smart or something since she is sixteen and in a college class?

[Monkey962]

The girl lost it



There you go, nothing to worry about. If she 'lost it' as you say, she's obviously got a lot more that needs fixing, than you, or your hair.:)

[RustedAngel]

People should really hold their tongues if they don't have anything nice to say.

In the old days if someone talked to me like this I would find them later and do some sort of physical violence to them. Chokehold, kick at the very base of the knee, punch to the zyphoid process or throat, or something along those lines. Physical confrontation is a very effective way to let someone know you will not tolerate their behavior towards you, but unfortunately you run greater risks of being sued or arrested when you get older. I think this is too bad because the behavior some people get away with is appalling. Since you probably don't want to go this route I would say some kind of aggressive, direct confrontation, possibly with very loud shouting, would be the next best option. Humans are still animals, after all.

[templeofvenus]

What a damn cheeky little spoiled brat she sounds!!!!!!! I would have been furious and like you felt upset and hurt as it doesn't take much for me to feel hurt and self conscious! from what I can see from your pics your hair is beautiful and the only and I mean ONLY reason she can have for saying such awful bitchy things is plain JEALOUSY! try and think positive about yourself she is really just being a nasty bitch, there are many about in this life and they are to be totally ignored. Best way to treat bitches... do not even speak or look at them that will anger :D as she probably is an attention seeker anyway.

[joyellen]

Don't let her stupid comments get you down. I think she's just jealous that your hair is so much longer and more beautiful than hers. Misery loves company, anyway. :flower:

[Kerynna]

People should really hold their tongues if they don't have anything nice to say.

In the old days if someone talked to me like this I would find them later and do some sort of physical violence to them. Chokehold, kick at the very base of the knee, punch to the zyphoid process or throat, or something along those lines. Physical confrontation is a very effective way to let someone know you will not tolerate their behavior towards you, but unfortunately you run greater risks of being sued or arrested when you get older. I think this is too bad because the behavior some people get away with is appalling. Since you probably don't want to go this route I would say some kind of aggressive, direct confrontation, possibly with very loud shouting, would be the next best option. Humans are still animals, after all.

Ummm ... yikes!

[Unofficial_Rose]

People should really hold their tongues if they don't have anything nice to say.

In the old days if someone talked to me like this I would find them later and do some sort of physical violence to them. Chokehold, kick at the very base of the knee, punch to the zyphoid process or throat, or something along those lines. Physical confrontation is a very effective way to let someone know you will not tolerate their behavior towards you, but unfortunately you run greater risks of being sued or arrested when you get older. I think this is too bad because the behavior some people get away with is appalling. Since you probably don't want to go this route I would say some kind of aggressive, direct confrontation, possibly with very loud shouting, would be the next best option. Humans are still animals, after all.

I have to admit, cornering her where there were no witnesses and maybe putting a forearm across her throat having shoved her aginst the wall did cross my mind. But I didn't dare say so on here. :p Guess I just have. Oopsie!

[mira-chan]

As this is in college and not a beauty/ hair dressing school, since she has so much time to stare at other's hair and form opinions on it, she should be using it to study. Especially if she is not at the top of the class grades wise. :nono: That's what she's there for, not to be fashion police.

[Silverlox]

Of course the poor kid is entitled to her opinion. Just as you are entitled to not being bullied or having your body parts attacked by her opinion.

Never forget that "going with the flow", following whatever is popular and doing the same as everybody else is a perfect description of sheep mentality.:rolleyes:

I get the strong impression that you are a somewhat quiet and sensitive person, truly wonderful qualities! However, the evil comeback would probably not be a good fit for you.

Instead you could gather strength by keeping a comeback of sorts in your head every time you have to be in the vicinity of this unfortunate person.

These are the things that you need to hold on to mentally and remember whenever she's out to "get" you:

* Karma. Gotta love it. It's sooo going to bite her!! :twisted:
* "Ugly" hair is easily remedied. An ugly personality, now, that's a lot harder to "fix"!
* No matter how much she hurts you, it's a mere breeze compared to the beating she is going to get from life, due to her abrasive personality.
* At the end of the day, you still have gorgeous hair and she is still unhappy. (And the winner is.. ;))
* Revel in being the bigger and better person. It's a very satisfying thought!
* If you ever needed proof of the old saying that (outer) beauty is only skin deep, look at her.
* As a stark contrast to this poor, shallow kid, your beauty goes all the way to the core!!


While she might "think" that your hair lacks in beauty, that's only one person's opinion. Her appalling lacks of social skills are an obvious fact!

And if you ever feel low about your appearance in her presence, please remind yourself that inner beauty always trumps the outer variety! Among adults it is much more highly prized, and for a good reason! It's also wonderful in the way that time never diminishes it! A good and kind heart will never experience the wrinkles or sagging of a pretty face! :thumbsup:
It might be slightly less obvious on the outside, but that's because it has to stretch a lot further, compared to those who concentrate it all to the surface only.

Your hair is beautiful!!! :inlove:

So.. On the one side, you have one single, very poorly mannered, very young, very unimportant person telling you one thing.. On the other side, you have a whole whopping community of caring Hair Lovers and Hair Experts telling you the opposite.

Now, who are you going to believe, girl? :D

[Alia]

I agree with everyone about her being jealous...and rude...and immature! Why the heck is she acting like that in college?! :rant: She's making herself look really stupid, IMHO. Most of the people in class probably can't stand her but don't want to volunteer as her next target. Your hair is lovely and none of her freakin' fried business.

[BlackfootHair]

Insecurity has no individuality and individuality knows no insecurty. :) Say it as a response everytime she says something. lol

[Helen Baq]

I answer people who say I should cut it with:Why?Do you need some...

Bwahahahahaha!!!! I love that!!! :rollin:

I'd be tempted to look at her all coy, with a little half smile, and say "jealous much?" :p

Or you could come in with a bob wig on one day, then when she notices say, "Just kidding!" take of the wig and let your hair spill out everywhere. ;)

Seriously, your hair is gorgeous! :)

[BlackfootHair]

Bwahahahahaha!!!! I love that!!! :rollin:

I'd be tempted to look at her all coy, with a little half smile, and say "jealous much?" :p

Or you could come in with a bob wig on one day, then when she notices say, "Just kidding!" take of the wig and let your hair spill out everywhere. ;)

Seriously, your hair is gorgeous! :)

That would be perfect for April Fools! :D

[LadyLongLocks]

Print this thread and hand it to her. ( well maybe not...but tempting!)
Or.......
Walk away, ignore and do what you wish with your hair.
((HUGS))

[fleurdelis]

Maybe she is just jealous of your beautiful hair...I never got so many negative comments from people as when I got the top grades in class...

[Altocumulus]

I'm sorry this is happening to you. Being bullied is horrible, and it sounds like you have no support at your school.

I'd probably just ignore her, but if you want to respond, you could consider one of these -

"Yes, of course we all have opinions." with a hostile stare to convey your opinion of her.

"When you're older, you'll realize that its not appropriate to express your opinion all the time."

"I'm sorry, were you speaking?"

"Thanks for sharing."

Hopefully she'll give up if she fails to get a rise out of you. :grouphug:

[rach]

"Only old ladies wear buns" i wore a bun when i was a school/college so hay i've joint that so called "old ladies bun" club years ago apparently. i did allot of art at school and getting oil paints in your hair is no fun getting out. it's practical!
people like that only make insecurity comments because they've got there own insecurities. you've you've got lovely hair , wear it as you like and enjoy it :)

[Dreamernz]

:mad:JANEY DON'T LISTEN TO HER YOU HAVE BEAUTIFUL HAIR!!!!

Responses:
Oh dear, I think you have OCD (obsessively compulsive disorder for those of you who don't know what this is :)), you're starting to obsess over my hair to a point that's scary, maybe you should go see a doctor?
or alternatively (even though I myself am 16 :D):
Sorry kid but how old are you? when you get to my age you're not so immature as to make idiotic comments about people's hair of all things!...then again by that time all your hair will probably look like a haystack and you will have to get it cut, I'm sorry, I'm also just expressing my opinion!!! :mad: :D:D:D
or:
attention seeker 911, you're so dull, you can keep your opinion, then again babies do naturally tend to whine (ok harsh but hey she would deserve it!!!)
Don't listen to her, you have hair that people envy!!!!!!!

[PrliamntofRooks]

Comebacks part 2:

6. Wow. I've seen puddles with more depth than you.

7. Did you misplace your brain cell, or did they cut it off the last time you went in for a trim?

8. (this only works if she bleaches her hair) I see you left the peroxide on too long...I've heard the brain-damage from that stuff is irreversible!

9. Cut my hair? Why? Your brain isn't hiding in there!

10. Just because you have the attention span of a gnat and can't commit to anything don't blame me...:rolleyes:

Can you tell I was an unpopular child?

[Tornerose]

Jeez...What a cow. I'd be tempted to tell her that she'd look prettier if she wasn't such a b*tch :p
HAHA Omg that's what I would have said too.

But Janey, you need to take a stand against this girl. You're a sensitive girl, and her bully-genes can sense that. If you don't take a stand and tell her to...erm.. mind her own buisness (to put it nicely), she'll never stop. She gets to you, and she knows it and loves it.
Ktani also said this, so I don't have much to add for it, but don't let her get away with it. You don't have to stoop to her level (wich is what I would have done), but you have to let her know this is NOT accepted by you. Every person has a line of what they tolerate, if you don't tell people where it is, they're just gonna cross it over and over, until you have moved it so far that you think you deserve all the mean-spirited s**t they do.

I saw someone mentioned laughing at her. I just got pictures in my head of you starting to laugh really loudly and say "oh that's so cute. Someone who is 16 think they should give me advice." And then stroking her cheek.


"You know, you would look much better if you kept your opinions to yourself."

*a long, stern look from her head to toe* :disgust: "Thank you, but I prefer looking ugly in your standards."

"I see my hair controls your thoughts. I rather enjoy having such power over you." :evil:

"You have a right to opinion. So do I. And my opinion is that your opinion about my hair sucks." :tongue:
LOL I love theese. Ingenious, not so meanspirited and straight to the point :D

[janeytilllie]

I want to thank eveyone who has posted. I thank you all for your kind wonderful support :flowers:

I feel better :) I have had 20 thousand cups of green tea to calm me down and a cry and cuddles from fiancee

I feel loads better and im ready for tomrrow. :patrol:

Im going to ignore her. But if she insist on being a braty moo moo I will report her to my programme manger.

I thank you for being truely wonderful buddy buds! :toast:

[Pixna]

Comebacks part 2:

6. Wow. I've seen puddles with more depth than you.

7. Did you misplace your brain cell, or did they cut it off the last time you went in for a trim?

8. (this only works if she bleaches her hair) I see you left the peroxide on too long...I've heard the brain-damage from that stuff is irreversible!

9. Cut my hair? Why? Your brain isn't hiding in there!

10. Just because you have the attention span of a gnat and can't commit to anything don't blame me...:rolleyes:

Can you tell I was an unpopular child?

Heehee!!! What, you were an upopular child?? No way!! ;) :gabigrin:

[neon-dream]

Her opinion doesn't count :D
That's the way I'd look at it, she means nothing to you.
Your hair is stunning and she probably knows nothing on hair care or anything.
I hope you're okay soon! :grouphug:

[lemonlife]

She's just a stupid kid (emphasis on stupid & kid). She's probably doing it to get a rise out of you. Perhaps your instructor meant to ignore her because it's attention getting behavior from her. Any attention (even negative) makes them feel important & the only way to hurt them back is to not give them the attention they crave. They get worse for a little while when you ignore them, then move on to someone they can get a rise out of.

I'm SO sorry you have to go through this. There seems to be one of these sorts everywhere. Be strong!

[Lady Verity]

You need a hair cut your ends are horrible and thin and its looks really silly. You would look much prettier with it bob cut"


Response: "You would look much prettier if you shut the **** up".

Don't leave college over this. Your education is more important than 16-year-old morons.

[melrose1985]

It sounds like she's jealous of you! And it's kind of funny that she takes that much of her own time thinking about your hair!
I will say this- I would love to have your hair any day, it's so long and pretty!

[ReddishRocks]

I'm so sorry you had to deal with that! :(

I find that the easiest way to deal with criticisms from uninformed people is to agree with them, then apologize (it totally deflates their argument):

"Oh, it's true... buns do look a little matronly, but I guess I'm stuck since that's what I like to do!" *BIG SMILE*

"My ends? Oh! Thanks for noticing. You're right." *BIG SMILE* And then don't do a thing about it.

I don't mean a fake smile either, but a real one that goes to the eyes. Something warm and kind (if you can manage it!). :) That always puts people off their game. I'm an elementary school teacher, and I often use the ol' kill 'em with kindness routine on adults who have failed to let their brains catch up with their mouths. ;) It also helps give me time to let my brain catch up as well when someone has been unnecessarily critical of me!

There's a reason 16 year olds aren't considered adults in the eyes of the law. Their judgment is often flawed (Lord knows mine was!). As others have surely said, her comments reflect upon her - NOT YOU. *hugs*

ETA: I was thinking back to college. When I was 19, I cut my pixie. :) I was in a psychology course on dream interpretation that was in a big auditorium. I volunteered to share a dream for interpretation. As the prof and I opened up the slips of paper that the assembled class had passed down for discussion, several questioned my sexual preferences in a very ugly way. :rolleyes: My prof was mortified - he told me to ignore it all. I remember that as a turning point - I realized that those people did NOT know me, yet judged me anyway. Their opinion truly didn't matter, and it only reflected on their poor sense of self. I hope your experience can provide you with perspective for the future! :sun:

[Wavelength]

I'd just be offhand with her. You don't want to get into an argument or lower yourself to her level. If she persists, just say something like, "You said all this yesterday and it's getting boring," or "Give it up, kid." Then pointedly ignore everything she says about your hair after that. Act as if you're bored with the entire topic and treat her like the ignorant little brat she is. She'll stop eventually once she sees that she can't get to you anymore.

[Sunshine69]

She's just a mean jealous girl who is trying to undermine you.

Tell her to keep her petty opinions to herself and stop obsessing about you and your hair. Don't waste your time thinking about this brat. If she says any other rude comments to you, I agree with the previous poster who said you have no reason to try to be polite to her. Tell her, "you'd look much prettier if you kept your mean petty opinions to yourself."

[janeytilllie]

I'd just be offhand with her. You don't want to get into an argument or lower yourself to her level. If she persists, just say something like, "You said all this yesterday and it's getting boring," or "Give it up, kid." Then pointedly ignore everything she says about your hair after that. Act as if you're bored with the entire topic and treat her like the ignorant little brat she is. She'll stop eventually once she sees that she can't get to you anymore.

Thank you your advice and support :flowers:

I will indeed ignore her. She proberly got a huge power trip from me leaving early and being upset. So Im am going to be confident not let her get to me and if she continues she will be reported by my Programme Manager :D

[deko]

janeytilllie: your hair looks amazing. :p

If you aren't mature enough to ignore this brat (I wouldn't be..) then tell her something that every teenager over the world hates to hear: "When you're older you'll understand". It gets them every time :)

[rach]

Comebacks part 2:

6. Wow. I've seen puddles with more depth than you.

7. Did you misplace your brain cell, or did they cut it off the last time you went in for a trim?

8. (this only works if she bleaches her hair) I see you left the peroxide on too long...I've heard the brain-damage from that stuff is irreversible!

9. Cut my hair? Why? Your brain isn't hiding in there!

10. Just because you have the attention span of a gnat and can't commit to anything don't blame me...:rolleyes:

Can you tell I was an unpopular child?

lol thats brillient !
sorry made me giggle :p

[MotherConfessor]

There are so many witty responses to the cattiness. I know most of the mature and intelligent women (and men) here encourage ignoring her behavior because it generally lowers one to actually engage in that kind of immature repartee. On the other hand these girls who like to prey on people by attacking them emotionally really need to be cut off at the knees. In general the best response is not to engage them in a verbal argument, but make it clear that their behavior is so pathetic that it does not warrant an actual argument. Myself, I like something along the lines of a disgusted stare followed by a simple "Do not talk to me again, I place no value in your opinion." "Which part of no did you not understand" "You seem to be operating under the assumption that you have say so when it comes to my hair" I have used all of these at some point or another and it generally surprises people so much that they cannot think of anything to say. Of course, you could always use my personal favorite

"Sorry, you are not allowed to talk until your voice changes"

[LutraLutra]

Your hair is beautiful. My guess is that she feels threatened by you in some way and wants to lash out at you. If she says it again smile and ignor her. Easier said then done, but really, what a little b*tch.

[rach]

"Sorry, you are not allowed to talk until your voice changes" might be hard to argue that one with boys voices breaking?

i just went about with my head low and never spoke, it was easier and they got easily bored.

[Pixna]

Tell her something that every teenager over the world hates to hear: "When you're older you'll understand". It gets them every time :)

LOVE IT!!! There is nothing a teen wants to hear less than this. After that, what could she possibly say??!!

[kc]

Wow - you know what I think - I think that she is really jealous of your long beautiful hair. By the way, how long is her hair? She is obviously insecure with herself and jealous of you to be making comments like this. Please ignore her - she is an ingrade.

[Carolyn]

Are there any rules against bullying at your school? I'd check and see if there are. If she says anything to you again, pick your favorite response from those suggested here and say that to her. Pactice saying it firmly in front of a mirror at home. Then turn around and walk away. Ignore her from then on. Pretend she doesn't exist. If she continues, I'd talk to the teacher again or go to the department head. He should not be allowing this to take place in the classroom. I don't care if she's "only 16". That's no excuse for her behavior and it's time she was called on it.

[janeytilllie]

Wow - you know what I think - I think that she is really jealous of your long beautiful hair. By the way, how long is her hair? She is obviously insecure with herself and jealous of you to be making comments like this. Please ignore her - she is an ingrade.

Her hair is blonde, straight, shoulder lengh with layers

Im 100% going to ignore her and what she says.

Thank you for your support and advice :flowers:

[janeytilllie]

Are there any rules against bullying at your school? I'd check and see if there are. If she says anything to you again, pick your favorite response from those suggested here and say that to her. Pactice saying it firmly in front of a mirror at home. Then turn around and walk away. Ignore her from then on. Pretend she doesn't exist. If she continues, I'd talk to the teacher again or go to the department head. He should not be allowing this to take place in the classroom. I don't care if she's "only 16". That's no excuse for her behavior and it's time she was called on it.

Yep the colllege is suppose to have a anti bully policy lol. The tutor is useless. I doubt very much she would help me. She bascially proved today she wasnt interested. So if the girl continues I will go to the Programme Manager :)

I was really shocked and very upset when my tutor was excusing her behaviour due to her age. I have never heard anything so silly.

Thank you for your advice :)

[Kuchen]

Yes, ignore her and walk away and then if she wants to continue to be a b*tch, she will have to either shout after you or run after you and guess what? Then she'll only be broadcasting the fact that she's a bully. And that might make her a little less popular.

[RancheroTheBee]

I'm actually very surprised anyone could be so immature and rude. She obviously has very few interests and thoughts of her own when all she can do is sit there and plot new ways to hurt your feelings.

Anyway, your ends are beautiful, your hair does not look silly, she's a jerk, and we all think you're fantastic. :flower: Good luck with getting her to quit this behavior.

[lapushka]

The comments are just so immature and petty. I'd ignore her, I think that's the best way to go. She has the right to an opinion. You have the right to not listen & ignore her. Make her not matter, that will teach her.

[Darkhorse1]

I wonder if that tutor would be so understanding if she'd insulted your race, weight or gender. Hair is just as personal! Insulting is insulting and I'd just say the next time 'mind your own business'. I mean, you could fight fire with fire and say 'you may be ugly, but I'd never say that to your face. I was brought up with manners' ;)

Sorry, just my bitter side. I'd ask her if she was brought up with manners. If she goes around feeling she has a right to insult people , she won't get very far in life.

Don't let someone else make you feel insecure about yourself. If you love your hair, good for you! I had many kids comment on my hair when I was young, how I should cut it etc and I said 'nope, I want it long' and it didn't bother me because I loved long hair.

[RustedAngel]

I am kind of mystified at the number of people advising to just ignore the person. I was a late bloomer and always small for my age, and even now I am far below the median size for males at 5'8" and 160 lbs. As a small brainy kid I got picked on a until I learned to stand up and assert myself, and I don't think there is anything at all wrong with being assertive. In my experience being assertive means being willing to confront someone and force a resolution to the problem.

I'm also surprised that people are surprised that the teacher was of no use in resolving the problem as in my experience teachers or outside authority figures in general are of no use in stopping a bully. They can't always be there to protect you, and going for outside help just shows weakness.

[Kuchen]

I am kind of mystified at the number of people advising to just ignore the person. I was a late bloomer and always small for my age, and even now I am far below the median size for males at 5'8" and 160 lbs. As a small brainy kid I got picked on a until I learned to stand up and assert myself, and I don't think there is anything at all wrong with being assertive. In my experience being assertive means being willing to confront someone and force a resolution to the problem.

I'm also surprised that people are surprised that the teacher was of no use in resolving the problem as in my experience teachers or outside authority figures in general are of no use in stopping a bully. They can't always be there to protect you, and going for outside help just shows weakness.

Yes, I'm disappointed by the teacher's reaction too, but as to your first point, girl-on-girl bullying is different. It happens at a level of psychological warfare, not fisticuffs. That girl wants to make the OP feel bad, she wants to have control over her by affecting her self esteem and peer-pressuring her to cut her hair. In those circs, one of the best things you can do is not play the mindgame. Walk away. Refuse to be bothered.

[lapushka]

I am kind of mystified at the number of people advising to just ignore the person. I was a late bloomer and always small for my age, and even now I am far below the median size for males at 5'8" and 160 lbs. As a small brainy kid I got picked on a until I learned to stand up and assert myself, and I don't think there is anything at all wrong with being assertive. In my experience being assertive means being willing to confront someone and force a resolution to the problem.

It's a waste of energy going into an argument with someone as silly as that. It means you actually acknowledge her and her opinion, validating it to some extent by listening and really, what she says is so insignificant it would wash right off my back. See it in its context. It's just a silly girl that wants to pick a fight, doesn't deserve the attention and probably does it to stirr up trouble anyway. Experience has taught me these people are just best ignored.

If it was a valid, normal discussion, then it's worth acknowledging someone and then it's worth standing up for what you believe in. Otherwise, I don't think so. I'd not waste my time. You'd get sucked into some neverending fight and her attitude in general already predicts trouble. No way. You can't reason with someone like her, that's already abundantly clear.

[rose_in_bloom]

I am so sorry this happened! I hope if this ever happens to me that I can be as controlled as you were in your reaction to this girl's horrible comments. But you definitely did the right thing in replying politely. And it's even more frustrating when people in authority over her won't do a thing about it! :rolleyes: I hope she leaves you alone in the future.

Oh, and by the way...your hair is beautiful! :D Your waves are perfect and I love the color too.

[Sissy]

oh what a silly cow. I would tell her that I'm not trying to look like a bleach blonde, layered nimwit teenager. I am in my 20's and looking very age appropriate, thank you very much!

Your hair is beautiful Janeytilley. She might need to be put well in her place.

[Tap Dancer]

WHERE are these "old ladies" with hair buns anyway? I've also heard that only old ladies wear buns but I've never seen even one.

That was the first thought that came to my mind too. I have never actually seen an old lady with long hair. So, really, how can it be an old lady look?

Wear your hair the way it pleases you. Only your opinions really matter. If a person has nasty things to say every time they see it, it says a lot about them. They must be miserable inside to have to lash out so much. Try to ignore her; she really doesn't deserve your time.

[AmyJorgensen]

I think I would say firmly (and audibly to all) "You need to quit harrassing me." I can't imagine being spoken to in that way.

[WritingPrincess]

How awful! I agree with the previous posters. I think she just is trying to be as hurtful as she can, and she realizes that your hair means a lot to you, so she's going after your hair. It's also possible she's jealous. Please don't let that get to you. Your hair is beautiful, and the only way to change the stereotypes is to not go along with them.

I hope she doesn't bother you again. Words can hurt so much more than any sticks or stones.

[CreativeHere]

GAHH!!! People like this just bug me! I've been a cheerleader, I've been a blonde, and I know that we're all not like that! They give any one who remotely looks like them a bad reputation. I hope that the little worker ants following her around realize that the queen is just a rude, obnoxious unmentionable not fit for polite society. Just ignore her. She'll figure it out eventually, and until then, good luck!

[heidi w.]

MEEEOOOOWWW!

Mean weenie!

WOWzers. This chick can't differentiate the fact that you NEVER ASKED HER OPINION OR FOR HER HELP!

Gee willickers!

That's what I would've retorted....
Uh-huh, ok, I just don't recall asking for your help, OR your opinion for that matter. You are allowed your opinion, sure, but I really don't care to hear it.

By the way, what's falling out of her mouth and her behavior/demeanor overall -- now that's Ugly and Stupid.

Maybe she'll grow up. Maybe she won't.

You and your hair are fine.

I know. I'm pretty sensitive too. Try not to take it to heart.

There are a lot of mean weenies in the world. It takes a while to figure this out.

heidi w.

[heidi w.]

Have you learned how to give THE LOOK?

You know, that stare over the top rim of glasses that teachers know how to do.

That look of did you just say what I think you said?

OR

Your mother's look of "care to repeat that" .....

Yeah, that look!

OR that teacher/mother voice of indifference...

My mother when greatly nonplussed and unimpressed with someone's antics used to have this thin veneer of a sneer back for our really stupid moments in life (for her kids) -- dripping with sarcasm:

That's nice.

Said flat and with NO LOOKing at the person.

heidi w.

[janeytilllie]

I am kind of mystified at the number of people advising to just ignore the person. I was a late bloomer and always small for my age, and even now I am far below the median size for males at 5'8" and 160 lbs. As a small brainy kid I got picked on a until I learned to stand up and assert myself, and I don't think there is anything at all wrong with being assertive. In my experience being assertive means being willing to confront someone and force a resolution to the problem.

I'm also surprised that people are surprised that the teacher was of no use in resolving the problem as in my experience teachers or outside authority figures in general are of no use in stopping a bully. They can't always be there to protect you, and going for outside help just shows weakness.

I do agree that sometimes being assertive shows people they can't intimidate you. But I'm a tiny 4'8" and shes about 5'6" +. She popular and has a quite a big gang. Im a shy quiet person and im not very good at being confident and assertive. So I think my personal best bet is to ignore her because theres no reasoning with her. If things do not improve I will report her :)

Thank you for your advice and support :flowers:

[sissadawn]

Ack the drama carrying over from high school! You handled it far more even tempered than I would have. I was the quiet shy kid for a loooong time, to the point that some of my classmates had never heard me talk. Bully's back off if you're not afraid of them
I can't image someone in my college classes talking to me like that! My response would probably be...:demon:
Were you dropped on your head a lot as a child or do you just naturally suck at life? with 'the look' of course!

[Hypnotica]

"It's not a bun, it's a CHIGNON!"

:P

[RustedAngel]

I do agree that sometimes being assertive shows people they can't intimidate you. But I'm a tiny 4'8" and shes about 5'6" +. She popular and has a quite a big gang. Im a shy quiet person and im not very good at being confident and assertive. So I think my personal best bet is to ignore her because theres no reasoning with her. If things do not improve I will report her :)

Thank you for your advice and support :flowers:

You'd be surprised at how little being popular can mean. I remember one time a "popular" guy threw soda on me for no reason, and I got up in his face about it. He probably had 6 inches and 60 lbs on me, but I wasn't going to back down. I have a hot temper that has cooled significantly over the years, but I've been told I look really scary when my temper goes. He backed down, and tried to get tough later with a few of his friends later. I never thought of myself as popular, but out of nowhere about 12 kids I knew showed up. A lot of my acquaintances were from poor families, and it turns out that they tend to be a lot more loyal and willing to throw down than kids chasing after whatever clique is popular.

I'm really not trying to tell you what to do here, just relating my experiences as someone who has been picked on and is also of smaller size. In my opinion, just because you are smaller does not mean you can't effectively assert yourself, and I think people will actually respect you for standing up for yourself because it's a very hard thing to do. But that's just my opinion, and I could definitely be wrong. Like many have pointed out female conflicts tend to be different than male conflicts. Whatever happens you don't deserve to be mocked and insulted like that:rant:!

[Juneii]

how detestable. what right does she have to patronize you like that? freedom of speech is fine, but only if it doesn't impede on others rights. she's obviously trampling all over yours for bothering you like that.

I hate it when people get away with things just because they're supposed to be at a disadvantage to you. I remember how this one girl in my PE class 7th grade kept grabbing and running her hands through MY hair when it was long. My teacher's response? "She gets bullied at home so this is her way of venting it." and yet I got into trouble for pushing her hand away from my hair because I was being physical.

best you can do is just avoid and ignore her, it's a college right? so you're allowed to sit wherever you want? sit as far away from her as possible. if she follows tell her you don't want to sit next to her because she distracts you from class.

[Drynwhyl]

What was a 16 year old doing in college? xD
She sounds ...disturbing oO
You really shouldn't be upset by this. ;)

[janeytilllie]

What was a 16 year old doing in college? xD
She sounds ...disturbing oO
You really shouldn't be upset by this. ;)

My class is mixed aged, people as young as 16 can go. The oldest in our class is 38 :)

I was upset ealier by her stupid comments but being on here and everyone being supportive and giving great advice has cheered me up.

Thank you :blossom:

[enfys]

Oh she needs to grow up. She doesn't know what she thinks, that's why she's changing tact. So are you an old lady or a nerd? Is it a waste not to show it off or is it ugly? If she has an opinion she's not letting you know it.

I don't understand the US education system so I don't know what relevance the age holds. However, your teacher ought to be reported on before this girl moves on to another student for what will be deemed a far more serious matter, like racism.

I like the age patronising "you'll understand when you're older" response. She must hate being young. Being able to go out and drink is a lifetime away for her and I bet it kills her. Age is most likely her weakness.

[enfys]

My class is mixed aged, people as young as 16 can go. The oldest in our class is 38 :)


Ok, I get it. Haha. So is there a good mix? Loads of other teeny boppers like her?

[janeytilllie]

Ok, I get it. Haha. So is there a good mix? Loads of other teeny boppers like her?

Its a class of 15

me and the 38 lady are the oldest

the others are mostly 16-19

4 her friends are in the class too. Her other buddies are in other departments of the college.

[enfys]

I'd say she's jealous that you are older, she has to try and look older (grown up hair, too much make up, lamb dressed as mutton). She picked on your hair because it looks good so she knows you must care about it.

[Unicorn]

Sorry you're having to deal with this petulant child. Its the adolecent attempt at being 'grown up', she simply hasn't learned the difference between being assertive and simply bullying.

It sounds to me as if she's jealous of your hair as well as the fact you have the strength of charactor not to mimic the crowd, but to be as you wish to be. Bullies are invariable cowards too. She clearly finds you treatening, your refusal to bend to her command threw her for a loop in more senses than one :)

I trust you've taken a good look at your hair to remind yourself just how beautiful it is!


Unicorn

[LittleOrca]

Tell her when you want to become a snotty bitch, you will take advice from her on how to do so!.... oh wait... that would be my response. :D

[bjjowett1993]

Last friday a girl in my class said one of the most stupidest things

She said to me :

Your hair is so long why do you waste it by tying it up all the time!

My response" It gets in the way for college plus I like doing different buns" Her dumb response

"Only old ladies wear buns and you need to move with the times"

I ignored her because shes sixteen shes very popular in class and I just want peace to study and complete my course.

But today I feel really upset. I feel like crying. :(

I went in today and this morning she was at me again!

I wore my hair down today because yesterday I was feeling very happy and postive about my hair for once.

She said one of the must hurtful things she said " You need a hair cut your ends are horrible and thin and its looks really silly. You would look much prettier with it bob cut"

I hardly know this girl, and she keeps pestering me about my hair. I thought after her stupid comment on friday it would be over, but I was wrong.

I said to the girl politely "I like my hair the way it is I'm happy with it, I don't intend to get it cut"

The girl lost it

She said "I have a right to a opinion and I was trying to help you. If I want to look nerdy ugly and stupid, so be it.

I reported her to my tutor but my tutor basically said she does have a right to her personal opinion and that to ignore her. And that shes only sixteen.

I left college early because of the situation.

Im very very sorry for my post. But I really need to get of my chest. And everyone here is so nice and suportive.

I feel really self conscience about my hair again and I feel so upset.

College finishes in June so I won't see the silly girl after that. I hoping tomorrow she leaves me well alone.

How do you cope with negetive hair comments? Any advice?

Thank you everyone
She has a right to her opinion, yes, absolutely. But she has absolutely no right to shove it down your throat, and degrade you like that, that is just catty and nasty. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. She's 16, probably uses SLS, cones, who knows? Maybye Pantene. :P I think your hair looks perfectly fine, and pretty. I bet you that you take more time, effort and care on your hair, naturally, than she ever has. The only standards YOU should have to live up to are YOUR own standards. Obviously you don't go preaching your opinions, or knowledge to that silly girl, or anybody else for that matter, so I don't see where she gets off doing it to you. Ignorance is bliss. Untill her hair falls out.

All the best!

Brandon. *Hugs!!!*

[gmdiaz]

Well, wasn't that girl at little stink?

You've got to start practicing your diva signals. LOL One trick I've learned is that you've got to go into social situations with a genuine friendly happiness but have ready to lock and load. . .the LOOK.

You know the one, the I am sorry, what? As if, what they have just said ,if not the stupidiest thing you've ever heard, is certainly beneath you to understand.

Learn this one skill. . .and all will be well with you. roflolol

[BlackfootHair]

By the way, what's falling out of her mouth and her behavior/demeanor overall -- now that's Ugly and Stupid.
heidi w.

Exactly! Pretty is as pretty does. :D

[BlackfootHair]

She's 16, probably uses SLS, cones, who knows? Maybye Pantene. :P
Brandon. *Hugs!!!*

SLS, cones and Pantene may be evil for some, but not all. :cool:

[bjjowett1993]

SLS, cones and Pantene may be evil for some, but not all. :cool:
I agree, I was just meaning that statement as in: "She probably doesn't know half the things you do about hair, or how to take care of it" :)

[Loviatar]

Have you learned how to give THE LOOK?

You know, that stare over the top rim of glasses that teachers know how to do.

That look of did you just say what I think you said?

OR

Your mother's look of "care to repeat that" .....

Yeah, that look!

OR that teacher/mother voice of indifference...

My mother when greatly nonplussed and unimpressed with someone's antics used to have this thin veneer of a sneer back for our really stupid moments in life (for her kids) -- dripping with sarcasm:

That's nice.

Said flat and with NO LOOKing at the person.

heidi w.

My mom taught me this! She calls it the Teachers' Look. I promise, it works.

[shayly-fyanna]

Hugs! your hair looks beautiful, i bet she's only making those comments because she is jealous of you and your hair. please don't cut your hair, it is so beautiful and who says only grandmother's wear buns? has she seen the RED carpet lately? so many actresses wear buns now, specially if they have long hair or simply because they love the look. remind her Angelina Jolie and Anne Hathaway wear buns often the next time she starts being mean. HUGS!

[adiapalic]

There is a difference between having an opinion, and saying something hateful to someone to make yourself feel better. I agree with others that the girl must have self-esteem issues, and is projecting it onto you--someone with very beautiful hair who knows how to take care of it.

I know some people in particular in my life who criticize little things about my hair and who give compliments sparingly--and I can't help but think it's simply because they're not pleased with their own hair.

I'm 21 years old as well, and if a 16 year old girl was pestering me with that same kind of audacity, it wouldn't take a split minute for me to give her a piece of my mind. :D
You, however, are much more polite than me. If she continues to bother you, then confront her about it. If not, then be snarky back at her. If you don't feel comfortable being so forthright, and this girl continues to bother you, then you should contact someone above the tutor and explain to them that this classmate is interfering with your concentration and studies.

Aside from all that, I think you have beautiful hair :)

[Jules diamond]

What a brat! She deserves a good tongue lashing. -_-

Hope you feel better about it though.

[Ponytale]

Wow--this makes me mad! As weird as this may sound--no, I don't think she has a "right to her opinion". Your personal style is none of her business.

Truthfully, I don't evaluate other people's style, weight or choice of hair styles. I feel that is their personal space and who am I to judge? For example, my friends always notice when someone around us gains a few pounds--I still find that sort of thing kind of surprising and invasive.

If we all were alike--the world would be very dull.

In past days, I would have ignored her because I was too *nice*, but now-a-days, that type of thing would get her a real *verbal slap* from me.

[Oberon88]

I would say "we are all refreshed and challenged by your unique opinion" I use that one a lot and it confuses nasty people

[BlackfootHair]

I totally second the idea of playing with your hair in front of her. I would totally do that. :)

I suppose another thing to say to her stupidity when she says something about how your hair looks silly, just say, "Well, it's a good thing it's not on your head huh!"

[Feline]

I find it unbelievable that such a stupid person could be in college!

When ignorant people (and she is surely ignorant!) ask me why I wear my hair so long, I usually tell then that it's a sign of intelligence :D .

Seriously, though, people like that need to be put in their place. In high school, I had my life made miserable by a pair of such twits, both of them cheerleaders. One day, they were enjoying themselves at my expense, and I finally snapped at them. They backed off, and stayed that way for the rest of the year, thank God. I fear that they found someone else to harass, however :(.

Stay strong!

[Tressie]

janeytille,

You pegged this one when you said "bully". You have lovely hair and you are a lovely young woman. I agree with those who've said this rude youngster is probably deeply insecure (and jealous), however that does not excuse such downright nasty, offensive behavior!

Certainly she has a right to her opinion, and YOU have a right to attend college and not be verbaly molested! Shame on your tutor!! This odious brat probably feels threatened by you, because you don't follow the herd. You have your own sense of style and your confidence seems to really get under her skin.........HA!

Please don't let HER get under YOUR skin. Try to remember that she is a miserable, jealous, mean-spirited little girl, and as DH would say she's got some "rude awakenings" coming, pun intended.

However, if you feel you must give a parting shot, you could tell her that she is wasting her time in college and needs to go directly to "charm school"!

Keep your cool, and your dignity...............and your lovely hair!! We are all on YOUR side!! God Bless!

[Lady Lilya]

...
"I see my hair controls your thoughts. I rather enjoy having such power over you." :evil:
...

I love this one. I'll save that for the next time someone pesters me.

------

BTW, I got similar comments about buns from grown men and women who were my friends. They didn't like me wearing my hair in a bun since buns are associated with being old. Their opinions all came out one day when I was wearing my hair down.
.
.
.

[JessicaVonMaim]

It's amazing how people feel that they need to give you their opinion on how to live your life. Don't let it get you down. If she says something again, just smile and tell her that you love your hair and if she doesn't like it then that is her problem and not yours. Don't let others get you down, you have lovely hair. :)

[chrissy-b]

Actually beautiful ballerinas wear buns too! Nothing ugly or stupid about that.

I'm willing to bet that this girl thinks the world revolves around her. I'm also willing to bet that she has gotten other "friends" to do things that she says because she's the popular girl. Since you responded in a way that didn't fit her world view (by telling her that you wouldn't cut your hair because it's beautiful the way it is) she was appalled that you didn't bow to her greatness and agree with her. Keep it up! It will drive her mad that you don't give a damn what she thinks! And don't let it get you down. The most popular girls (in my experience) are often the most insecure and also a bit crazy. Not worth your time or energy. :flower:

[Diamondbell]

When in I was HS I was the only person there with hip-length hair, and it was flaming red. I wore black corsets and long pretty black skirts.

I hated the popular girls and they, in turn, hated me.

One day during my senior year, one of the popular girls I was in band with and actually got along with pretty well came up to me in the hallway. She looked me over for a minute and the pressed her lips together and said, "I wish I had the guts to do what you do every day, just for one day." And she walked away.

And I gained a bit of perspective.

Many of the "popular" crowd have a very low measure of self-esteem. They don't dare be different because then the pack they run with will turn on them and tear into them. The only thing they have to keep themselves reassured that they're "doing it right" is to make it plain that everyone else is doing it wrong.

Be confident, and do what you want. It makes them question themselves. :flowers:

I loved reading this! :)

[FreakyGreenEyes]

I wouldn't let her comments get to you. Personally I might respond with something along the lines of: "You're right, you are entitled." Chances are a sixteen year old girl in college may have the academic brains but not the social maturity to compliment them.

You hair is gorgeous btw. :)

[long.again]

I would love to have your hair! I'm in college right now too and I run into various people that think college is just an extension of high school. She hasn't quite got it yet that adults don't treat each other like that. Ignoring it is better than I'd do. I'd probably be pretty nasty and casually say, "I'll do something about my hair when you do something about your face."

It's clear she has self-esteem issues if she needs to pick on you like that.

BTW, nerdy girls rock!

[darkwaves]

As others as have said, having the right to have an opinion does not mean having the right to hurt others by inflicting criticism on them. And this girl's reactions seem immature enough that I wouldn't try to discuss any of this with her. Rise above it.

As for comments, I like the "look" Heidi suggests -- with a something simple that doesn't draw you into the fray. "What an interesting thing to say," is my current standby. Say it, stare at her, move on.

And as for your tutor -- I don't know how your system works, but in some places tutors are fairly young, too, and not really skilled or trained in personal issues like this. (For example, grad students, age 22 or 23, who are teaching assistants in universities.) Your tutor was wrong, but also likely completely out of his/her depth.

Sounds like you're getting lots of good advice. Hold your head high, and enjoy your hair!

[Farina]

don't old ladies usually have their hair short? she sounds like a real idiot. pay no attention she's probably just jealous ;l)

[BittSweetCherry]

Just dropped back in to add that this girl still has a high school mentality. You might want to point out that college women don't talk to each other like that (or not - I don't think it'll help).

That's a good point. It sounds like this brat thinks she's far wiser and more mature than she really is, and it would benefit the world at large to bring her back down a few levels lest she think she can get away with it.

Re: the tutor refusing to intervene because of her "right to express her opinions" - there's free speech, then there's intimidation and harassment. She got her point across the first time, there is no reason to repeat it, and now it's abuse! I don't know if you want to keep this polite or aim for something a little more cutting, but if she uses the right-to-an-opinion line again perhaps follow it with, "yes you do, and you've already given it multiple times and I don't agree with it, so live with it and get over it." It's a horrible imposition on you, but I doubt she's ever known what resistance is and I think you're the right person to teach her that she doesn't rule other people!

I'm so sorry that she won't leave you alone, and I'm furious that the tutor is so dismissive. If she keeps at it and you've clearly asked her to desist and she won't, then I would strongly present it again to the tutor as a harassment and intimidation case where she's using language NOT consistent with "just" an opinion, and that the cow is not emotionally ready for tertiary education environment. Am I right to believe that there is a course convener or administrative body that can deal with tutor complains, if he/she fails to act?

[WritingMum]

Hello, Janeytilley,

I am sorry you are hurting. It feels lousy, doesn't it?

I've read a number of the replies. May I share a different perspective with you?

The young woman you are dealing with clearly is lacking in social skills, but I think she was being truthful when she said she was trying to help you. No, you didn't want her "help" and yes, it hurt, but it sounds as though she is lacking in maturity and doesn't have the sense to keep her mouth shut on some things yet, not that she was trying to be nasty. ( I haven't read all 11 pages of your thread, so if there have been additional updates this evening, I've missed them.)

Secondly, think about her original comment: "your hair is so long; why are you wasting it by tying it up?" -- That is admiration and appreciation of your long hair. It's not worded well, but believe it or not, she was paying you a compliment. (Strange, isn't it?-- but it's there.)

It doesn't sound like her attitude was hostile until she felt attacked and got defensive ("I have a right to my opinion . . .")

While reading your original two posts I was reminded of a classmate I had when I was 16-17. She sent me a rather hateful note in class, telling me what she thought of something I had done and the motive she ascribed to it. She was wrong, but strongly opinionated.

I composed a nasty letter back and shared it with my mother that evening before sending it. My mother smiled and said, "don't send it." Instead, she suggested I write the girl a note of thanks, letting her know I appreciated her concern and help. I did, and rather than escalating the conflict further, my antagonist was knocked on her ear and dropped the matter.

What kind of gracious answer could you give that could diffuse, rather than escalate the situation with this young woman? She doesn't understand boundaries, and clearly doesn't understand that her words are inappropriate, or even that they *are* offensive. You don't have to ignore her, and frankly, it won't help to do so. Ignoring her will tend to make the matter worse, because then it becomes a personal challenge and she is likely to try to get a reaction out of you. But there is probably a way to diffuse it.

Whatever else you do, perhaps it would be wise to thank the outspoken girl for her concern. And remain very, very calm if you are able. Bullies often will back off if told calmly and directly to do so. It will be hard, but I think she doesn't understand others' emotions and there is no need to tie yourself in knots further by continuing the discussion or being intentionally nasty toward her.

May God give you great wisdom.

[Pegasus Marsters]

This girl is 5 years younger than you. Ignore her. She's being a complete twit.

I don't think she's jealous, I think she's just trying to be mean for the sake of being mean.

To me there's nothing more hilarious than someone several years younger than me trying to heckle and annoy me. They just make themselves look even younger and stupider than they actually are.

Oh and a good reply would be "One day I could cut my hair... but you'll always be a complete b*tch." with a wide grin.

Either start on her case back, or ignore her. :shrug:

[Teazel]

My view on this is, everybody is entitled to their opinion, they just aren't entitled to share it. It sounds like your young classmate still has this to learn, and in future she will probably look back on her immature behaviour and regret it.

Hold your head up, Janeytillie. :)

[SpecialKitty]

I haven't read through the whole thread, but I just wanted to say your hair is lovely. I think it is quite possible this girl is jealous. Rise above it if you can. Rest in the comfort and conviction that your hair is beautiful! :flowers:

[BittSweetCherry]

I'd just be offhand with her. You don't want to get into an argument or lower yourself to her level. If she persists, just say something like, "You said all this yesterday and it's getting boring," or "Give it up, kid." Then pointedly ignore everything she says about your hair after that. Act as if you're bored with the entire topic and treat her like the ignorant little brat she is. She'll stop eventually once she sees that she can't get to you anymore.

Yes! (Second wave of thinking here). You're not a rude person, so delivering nasty retorts won't sit well with you, but an air of boredom and/or amusement *would* work for the rest of the semester. You know how you can give a very small smile, when your lips barely move but your eyes are laughing, and with each additional comment there's just a hint of one eyebrow raised? I was very good at it when I went to a bitchy all-girls school (then I got out). If everything she says is met with a semi-hidden air of amusement, it's practically akin to mockery without actually saying anything that she can complain about. And who doesn't hate being laughed at or not taken seriously? She'll probably explode every time, but it's because she can't handle seeing her previously infallible opinions washing over people with no effect.

After all the help and encouragement I had on the chicken thread (ha, I think it's a hilarious title now) I've decided to turn my situation around in this way, so that *he's* upset by the continuing argument and *I'm* entertained by it. Wanna join me? :eyebrows:

[Nightshade]

I loved reading this! :)

I'm so glad you liked the story :)

It made me almost pity those girls. Almost ;)

[Soniasonia]

Sounds to me like she's jealous and doesn't want you to look prettier than her.

[nowxisxforever]

She's done it twice-- if you've asked her to stop and she does it again, start calling it harassment rather than bullying and demand the tutor (or counseling department, whatever you may have) do something about the harassment as you are there to learn, not to be critiqued by the hair police.

I'd end up being a little nasty to her if it was me, I think. "Really? All the 'dowdy old ladies' I know have hair much like yours. By the way, what atrocious fake tanner and tacky clothing are you wearing this week?" Change to suit her actual appearance, of course.

[Honey39]

People who say mean things are usually jealous. You have lovely hair, and you seem very sweet and sensitive. Although a zingy comeback is tempting, that might be the reaction that she wants. Personally, I would smile sweetly and say "do you think?" and then just ignore her. Ignoring bullies is a good weapon, and will infuriate her because you're not rising to the bait.

And then continue to do EXACTLY what you want with your hair - wear it up, wear it down, revel in its loveliness, and know that you are lovely inside and out, which this girl will never be until she changes her ways.

[Unofficial_Rose]

I would say "we are all refreshed and challenged by your unique opinion" I use that one a lot and it confuses nasty people

Oh I like that one, hahaha! :lol:

Or, "You must be a very unhappy person" delivered with pitying look...

Or, (this only works if she wears fake tan) "Why ARE you so orange?"

[Zindell]

Sounds lika a typical case of hair envy. You have something beautiful that she hasn't and perhaps she is afraid your gorgeous hair will threaten her popularity? If she gets you to cut your hair you are less of a threat to her.

Just speculating. Ignore her and enjoy your lovely tresses. :cheer:

[tiny_teesha]

OMG, and like, she is like, totally like, a boring clone right?

Yeah, .....just ignore the spoilt brat. WHO CARES what she thinks. My aunty's pestered me to trim to. But i just said
"MY hair, i trim MY hair when I WANT to, thank you for your input".
They still pestered, i retorted with the same reasoning each time. It didn't get heated and it is truthful and not neccessarily rude, though sometimes being rude back is fun.

Sometimes it got me down but in the end my stubbornness provailed! :) hehe
p.s.- i love your hair, i think it is a better colour and thicker then mine, and quite frankly -am envious of it. :)

[Chrissy]

I like what WritingMum said a lot!! Although if she continues to bother you that borders on harassment. You may have to go to someone else in authority to get her to stop.

[Petra]

She's an insecure, whiny little twerp. She's picking on you for attention. Someone around here wrote a really good line in one of the other threads (I tried a search, but didn't really work so I apologize for not giving credit where credit is due) --something like "I'm not here to decorate your world" . Tell her that, tell her you don't give a crap and to leave you alone and grow-up. Don't let her screw up your college experience. At one time there was a really good come-back thread where folks put comments they've said to people who have commented on their hair, but that was years ago and I couldn't find it with a search--it was hilarious. Maybe read some of the other"comment" threads around here for quippy ideas?

Good luck and ignore the little snowflake although I know if can be hard when you're directly confronted.

[Wavelength]

Yes! (Second wave of thinking here). You're not a rude person, so delivering nasty retorts won't sit well with you, but an air of boredom and/or amusement *would* work for the rest of the semester. You know how you can give a very small smile, when your lips barely move but your eyes are laughing, and with each additional comment there's just a hint of one eyebrow raised? I was very good at it when I went to a bitchy all-girls school (then I got out). If everything she says is met with a semi-hidden air of amusement, it's practically akin to mockery without actually saying anything that she can complain about. And who doesn't hate being laughed at or not taken seriously? She'll probably explode every time, but it's because she can't handle seeing her previously infallible opinions washing over people with no effect.

After all the help and encouragement I had on the chicken thread (ha, I think it's a hilarious title now) I've decided to turn my situation around in this way, so that *he's* upset by the continuing argument and *I'm* entertained by it. Wanna join me? :eyebrows:

Bingo, this is great advice. Either be bored with her comments or find some way to be amused by them. See if you can find some way to get some fun out of the situation.

If I'm taking the latter strategy, I play little games in my head, such as: Hmm, I wonder how long it will take her to say something rude about my hair today? Will it take five minutes, 10 minutes or 15 minutes? I'll bet myself a chocolate bar on 10 minutes.

When she does make her rude comment, you'll smile to yourself because your first thought won't be one of surprise and hurt -- it will be amusement. Wow, only three minutes! Darn, there goes my chocolate bar! I'll bet it'll take less than five minutes tomorrow, and maybe I'll win myself that chocolate bar. In fact, if I do I'll offer her a piece. It's only fair since I wouldn't have it if not for her. Won't it be cute to see her confusion when I thank her and offer her a piece of chocolate for no reason?

If you do something like this and she asks what you're giving her chocolate for, just say something non-committal like: "Oh, just for being you." If she refuses it, take it back without comment and offhandedly eat it yourself. What's she going to do, complain that her instructor offered her chocolate?

She'll know on some level that she's doing something that amuses you, which will probably drive her crazy because she won't be able to put a finger on it. Pretty soon you'll be able to predict her reactions, which is all sorts of fun.

Believe me, you'll be smiling to yourself in no time -- and oddly enough, you might even look forward to her petty little comments. ;)

[Yedda]

If it is in your personality, I would mention a few things about her and embarrass the :poop: out of her.

But that may not be your personality. If it is more like your personality, I would go above the tutor's/teacher's head to the principal, etc. and report it as harrassment. Tell the principal that you told the teacher you felt very uncomfortable and that the teacher said she was allowed to say whatever she liked.

The teacher is more responsible than the student to me, she should have taken your report seriously. The student is 16 so she is just acting like a dumb ass little brat, but the teacher's response is even worse.

Let us know what you decide dear. :heartbeat

[s_tresses]

Honestly, I am not taking sides but she does have a right to her own opinion even though it is a very rude thing to say and I would be upset too if someone said that to me.

You can respond back or just not care what she thinks about your hair. Even though I am not taking into account her age, she does sound immature and you will come across a lot of people like that and if you let everyone of them get to you, life would be catastrophic.

[Silverlox]

Hello, Janeytilley,

I am sorry you are hurting. It feels lousy, doesn't it?

I've read a number of the replies. May I share a different perspective with you?

The young woman you are dealing with clearly is lacking in social skills, but I think she was being truthful when she said she was trying to help you. No, you didn't want her "help" and yes, it hurt, but it sounds as though she is lacking in maturity and doesn't have the sense to keep her mouth shut on some things yet, not that she was trying to be nasty. ( I haven't read all 11 pages of your thread, so if there have been additional updates this evening, I've missed them.)

Secondly, think about her original comment: "your hair is so long; why are you wasting it by tying it up?" -- That is admiration and appreciation of your long hair. It's not worded well, but believe it or not, she was paying you a compliment. (Strange, isn't it?-- but it's there.)

It doesn't sound like her attitude was hostile until she felt attacked and got defensive ("I have a right to my opinion . . .")

While reading your original two posts I was reminded of a classmate I had when I was 16-17. She sent me a rather hateful note in class, telling me what she thought of something I had done and the motive she ascribed to it. She was wrong, but strongly opinionated.

I composed a nasty letter back and shared it with my mother that evening before sending it. My mother smiled and said, "don't send it." Instead, she suggested I write the girl a note of thanks, letting her know I appreciated her concern and help. I did, and rather than escalating the conflict further, my antagonist was knocked on her ear and dropped the matter.

What kind of gracious answer could you give that could diffuse, rather than escalate the situation with this young woman? She doesn't understand boundaries, and clearly doesn't understand that her words are inappropriate, or even that they *are* offensive. You don't have to ignore her, and frankly, it won't help to do so. Ignoring her will tend to make the matter worse, because then it becomes a personal challenge and she is likely to try to get a reaction out of you. But there is probably a way to diffuse it.

Whatever else you do, perhaps it would be wise to thank the outspoken girl for her concern. And remain very, very calm if you are able. Bullies often will back off if told calmly and directly to do so. It will be hard, but I think she doesn't understand others' emotions and there is no need to tie yourself in knots further by continuing the discussion or being intentionally nasty toward her.

May God give you great wisdom.

WritingMum, - you are not only completely right, you are also truly a better person than I could ever hope to be! :flower: :bowtome:

[longhairedfairy]

I would probably say very calmly, "You really need to grow up and learn some manners like an adult. I would never have acted so incredibly immature when I was your age. Aren't you embarrassed to throw tantrums like a toddler that didn't get it's way? I have a right to an opinion and I'm only trying to help you."

[marzipanthecat]

Hello,

Yes, people can be really dumb and cruel and yes, you'll find it worst of all when you are young and at school or college. It can be the pits. And I know this doesn't help all that much, but it does get a LOT better as you get older. Also - I think you've probably been told this already - a lot of this sort of nasty behaviour is because they are jealous of your long hair, and you look pretty and different, and people who look even a little bit different tend to get picked on.

It's also really bad you can't get any of the tutors to stop this stupid bad behaviour. That's not your fault, of course - it is them!

But like I said, as you get older, you will find people you don't even know come up and say NICE things about your hair! I get stopped pretty much every time I go out by people telling me how much they like my hair. (In fact, I sometimes tie my hair up and back to hide it a bit if I don't really want attention sometimes!)

Back when I was 16 I was in a class with one girl (I shall call her Sophie because that was her name...) and she was the very popular one in the year and so on, and she told me that if she had hair like mine she'd get it cut short so she could have extensions put in. (???) Yes, even her best friends thought that was dumb!

What has happened to you is horrible, and I think there is no excuse for their nasty behaviour. But really, it does get better in a few years.

[BlackfootHair]

Do keep us updated on her behavior and if it gets better! :)

[joyfulmom4]

I just posted something similar. Only in my case, the harrassment was from my mother. And she was far more tactful and kind, yet it still hurt. And no matter how much I think I'm grown up and confident in my decisions, etc, it still got to me. But I'll get over it. You will too. Don't let this girl get to you. If you fume and stew about her rotten behavior and how mad it makes you, it will only cause *you* suffering in the form of your negative thoughts.

When I was younger and someone did something that really angered me and I was having a hard time letting go of my angry thoughts and feelings about the situation/person, my father used to say "don't let them live in your head rent-free". Huh? So what's that supposed to mean? Well, it means that if you're continually thinking about the the person did and how wrong it was and how mad you are, etc, then you have that person "living" in your head. They're occupying your thoughts, and occupying them in a negative way. Don't let this girl fill your thoughts with negativity. Let it go.

One of the best ways to do that is to talk about it and get it off your chest. Vent a little. Hear what others have to say (support helps a lot). Then put it behind you. :-)

I intend to work at doing the same.

[janeytilllie]

Hi everyone :)

I want to thank you all for being wonderful and for all your advice and great repsonses :flowers: I want to thank you all for being there :blossom:

A little update.

I went in early this morning to see my tutor. I said to my tutor that I think it would be personally best if I didn't sit near her in class. That tackling the problem now would save alot of trouble of all of us.

I explained to her that yes the girl does have right to her own opinion and yes shes sixteen and that I understand she may be scared and overwelmed by collage life.

I also pointed out that at the same time it is not fair on me. I told her that I shouldn't feel pressured and dread coming to collage. I also told her that I wouldn't put up with any more hassle. And that if needs be I would go to the Programme Manager.

My tutor agreed with me :) She said that and I'm also allowed to go 2 mins early for dinner and home. I feel so much better :D

Anyhow when class started I moved seats. The girl gave me one heck of a dirty look but I did THE LOOK as alot of you recommended :)

She looked away and left me alone. Today was peaceful and calm. And I passed on a paper :cheese:

I thank you all for being wonderful people :hugs:

[Pixna]

FANTASTIC, Janey!!! Kudos to you for standing up for yourself and not letting the young girl bully you. You got everything you wanted and deserve and more. You ROCK!!! :cheer:

[janeytilllie]

FANTASTIC, Janey!!! Kudos to you for standing up for yourself and not letting the young girl bully you. You got everything you wanted and deserve and more. You ROCK!!! :cheer:

Thank you! :D :flowers:

[BlackfootHair]

Yes, awesome for you! :) That girl should never start something with more brains than her. lol

[Silverlox]

FANTASTIC, Janey!!! Kudos to you for standing up for yourself and not letting the young girl bully you. You got everything you wanted and deserve and more. You ROCK!!! :cheer:

I'll second what Pixna said. You did well! :flowers:

[janeytilllie]

Yes, awesome for you! :) That girl should never start something with more brains than her. lol

lol :rollin:

Thank you :flowers:

[Wavelength]

Congratulations Janey! I'm so glad it all worked out! :D

And I think I misunderstood the dynamic, for some reason I thought YOU were this girl's instructor. :blushing:

Anyway, all's well that ends well, and I'm glad you found a solution. Well done! :applause

[janeytilllie]

I'll second what Pixna said. You did well! :flowers:

Thank you :blossom:

[LHGypsyRose]

Awesome job Janey! *Pats you on the back*

And I hope that from now on you will pay no mind to this child or even look her way, that way she will see that her immature, nastiness didn't phase you a bit, and she will hopefully go on about her own buisness and stay out of
yours:D

[janeytilllie]

Awesome job Janey! *Pats you on the back*

And I hope that from now on you will pay no mind to this child or even look her way, that way she will see that her immature, nastiness didn't phase you a bit, and she will hopefully go on about her own buisness and stay out of
yours:D

Thank you :flowers:

[BlackfootHair]

lol :rollin:

Thank you :flowers:


hahaha your welcome! :cheese:

[Phalaenopsis]

I've finally read the whole topic and first I was appalled about what that girl said to you. But I'm glad to read how you handled it and that you are feeling better. :)

[Asha]

Wahoo! I give major props to you for that. You handled it very responsibly and I'm pretty sure she'll have to leave you alone now!

[truepeacenik]

WHERE are these "old ladies" with hair buns anyway? I've also heard that only old ladies wear buns but I've never seen even one.

They all wear their hair short: pixie to bob.

Hmmm, sixteen and a "popular girl" ? I suppose one retort would be to offer to help her in her studies. "I've heard you're really not doing so well this term. Perhaps you should try studying every now and then instead of focusing on others."

I work with a woman who is 77 has waist length silver hair and wore it bunned for a good while. She braids now, as she's hurt her shoulder.

as for the evil pixie, ask her how someone so immature could have made it to college.
or comment on that giant zit she's coated with makeup.

[WritingPrincess]

Oh dear. Wrong user name. I'm sorry.

WritingMum

[Unofficial_Rose]

Fantastic, JaneyTillie! :D

It is a shame that decent, gentle people have to develop the facility to stick up for themselves, but I guess that's just how it is. :rolleyes:

Sounds like you deliver a pretty effective evil look though. ;) :evil: Bwahahaha!!!

*UR disappears in cloud of smoke*

[WritingMum]

Janey,

You are to be commended. You handled the situation with wisdom and dignity. I'll bet that feels wonderful.

Congratulations.

[Forever_Sophie]

ONLY 16? Only 12, maybe, but 16 is too old to be that rude and out of line. I'm so sorry you have to deal w/ that...she should have been reprimanded.

[Helen Baq]

Yay! Awesome outcome!!! :cheese:

[joyfulmom4]

Hi everyone :)

Today was peaceful and calm. And I passed on a paper :cheese:

I thank you all for being wonderful people :hugs:

Congrats janeytillie! Way to go on handling a difficult situation and also on passing that paper. We're proud of you!

[misstwist]

You did an excellent job standing up for yourself, Janeytilllie. It takes practice to develop that kind of assertiveness.

I think the most important thing you did was go to the tutor with a solution to the problem, not just asking her to do something. That shows you are invested in the class and in your education and in making the environment better for everybody.

Keep it up and nobody will think you are a soft target.

[angelthadiva]

I did not read the other responses, but sweetie our favorite phrase of "I'm not here to decorate your world, little girl" while looking her dead in her eyes should shut her right up.

If that doesn't work, go to plan B while still looking at her with a steely stare: "Oh, excuse me, did I *ask* for your opinion?"

If that doesn't work, go to plan C which still looking at her with a steely stare: "You are young, so I'm trying to overlook your immaturity and ignorance, but as long as you keep talking you are making that increasingly difficult." :D

PM me if you need more! I have two teens, and they are pretty brutal!


ETA: :o I'm always late to the party! :o

Well, I'm glad for YOU that it has been resolved...Tuck these away if she forgets who she's dealing with.

[Feline]

Attagirl! :cheer::joy:

[SimplyLonghair]

I am so happy for you that it is all working out! :happydance:

[Shimmy]

Clearly, she is an idiot.

[BittSweetCherry]

Hi everyone :)

I want to thank you all for being wonderful and for all your advice and great repsonses :flowers: I want to thank you all for being there :blossom:

A little update.

I went in early this morning to see my tutor. I said to my tutor that I think it would be personally best if I didn't sit near her in class. That tackling the problem now would save alot of trouble of all of us.

I explained to her that yes the girl does have right to her own opinion and yes shes sixteen and that I understand she may be scared and overwelmed by collage life.

I also pointed out that at the same time it is not fair on me. I told her that I shouldn't feel pressured and dread coming to collage. I also told her that I wouldn't put up with any more hassle. And that if needs be I would go to the Programme Manager.

My tutor agreed with me :) She said that and I'm also allowed to go 2 mins early for dinner and home. I feel so much better :D

Anyhow when class started I moved seats. The girl gave me one heck of a dirty look but I did THE LOOK as alot of you recommended :)

She looked away and left me alone. Today was peaceful and calm. And I passed on a paper :cheese:

I thank you all for being wonderful people :hugs:

HOORAY! I think we can all picture that moment in our heads. :D

[MadPirateBippy]

If she goes off about your hair again, here is what I would do, sassy pirate style.

1. Look her strait in the eyes and say, deadpan, "I am not here to decorate anyones world. Not a mans, and certainly not yours." This has the advantage that it might teach her that some people look the way they look for reasons other than being decorative.

2. Look her strait in the eyes and say, deadpan, "Since you were so kind to give me advice, let me give you some now- little girls tell other people what they should do with their hair, makeup, or clothes. You sound about 14. If you're here at 16, your obviously smart enough to handle the school work, but you are making yourself sound really, really young and it's hard to take you seriously. You're in college, and while I understand it must be hard for you to adjust, but you need to act like you belong here or go back to high school."

I went to college at 16 and trust me, to this day I still get my teeth on edge if someone implies I look or act young. I'm old enough that I am pleased when I get carded for booze, and yet someone trying to complement me by telling me I have a youthful face or something drives me up a wall. It just sets me off. This is, with a 90% chance of rain, where her insecurite lies.

That will either shut her the hell up or make her think about what a turd she's been. She will either change what she says or leave you alone.

I've never found that ignoring bullies is the best way to deal with them unless you are one of those people who has an over the top reaction to being teased.

[Unicorn]

Yeh on a great victory! :cheese: Its not easy deal with these things for best. Sounds as if you've mastered 'the look'. :D

I'm delighted it's worked out for you.

Unicorn

[ktani]

Hi everyone :)

I want to thank you all for being wonderful and for all your advice and great repsonses :flowers: I want to thank you all for being there :blossom:

A little update.

I went in early this morning to see my tutor. I said to my tutor that I think it would be personally best if I didn't sit near her in class. That tackling the problem now would save alot of trouble of all of us.

I explained to her that yes the girl does have right to her own opinion and yes shes sixteen and that I understand she may be scared and overwelmed by collage life.

I also pointed out that at the same time it is not fair on me. I told her that I shouldn't feel pressured and dread coming to collage. I also told her that I wouldn't put up with any more hassle. And that if needs be I would go to the Programme Manager.

My tutor agreed with me :) She said that and I'm also allowed to go 2 mins early for dinner and home. I feel so much better :D

Anyhow when class started I moved seats. The girl gave me one heck of a dirty look but I did THE LOOK as alot of you recommended :)

She looked away and left me alone. Today was peaceful and calm. And I passed on a paper :cheese:

I thank you all for being wonderful people :hugs:

You go girl! You accomplished 2 things. You not only stood up for your rights as a student and did that brilliantly IMO, it is now on record that she is to be monitored more closely. You have hopefully saved someone else from having to go through what you did.

And congratulations on the paper!

[Braidmaid]

There will always be people that are so insecure that they feel a need to belittle others. I;m a teacher, and I see it all the time. The problem is them, not you.
You are beautiful the way you are! Don't let anyone rob you of that. Chances are, there are probably many others that appreciate the way you have your hair; they just are too shy to tell you!
Hold your head up girl, bun and all, you rock!

[somethingwicked]

When in I was HS I was the only person there with hip-length hair, and it was flaming red. I wore black corsets and long pretty black skirts.

I hated the popular girls and they, in turn, hated me.

One day during my senior year, one of the popular girls I was in band with and actually got along with pretty well came up to me in the hallway. She looked me over for a minute and the pressed her lips together and said, "I wish I had the guts to do what you do every day, just for one day." And she walked away.

And I gained a bit of perspective.

Many of the "popular" crowd have a very low measure of self-esteem. They don't dare be different because then the pack they run with will turn on them and tear into them. The only thing they have to keep themselves reassured that they're "doing it right" is to make it plain that everyone else is doing it wrong.

Be confident, and do what you want. It makes them question themselves. :flowers:

QFT. I was an individual in high school, too, and it wasn't a big deal until I moved to a small town in Kentucky for my junior and senior years. The small town locals FREAKED OUT when they got a load of me, and I responded by getting weirder, because I'm obstinate that way. After graduation, I had quite a few of the guys and girls from the "other side" approach me and say that they were sorry I was treated so badly and to never change. In retrospect, when I think back, when my friends and I were locking horns with our tormentors, we DID always seem to have a group who stood more on our side and I did get a few sideways encouraging comments at the time, but they weren't as vocal about it as they should have been. I wouldn't trade my experiences for anything, even though it did get hellish, and you guys probably wouldn't believe me if I told you some of the stuff they did, or tried to do - but I did manage to have fun, my friends were the best, truest friends (no backstabbing in our crowd !) and Nightshade is dead on right. Most of those people were miserable and unhappy, and most of them went absolutely no where in the years that followed, although some of my preppiest, most hated enemies did a little jail time for stupid petty things.

I would even dare to say there was a good bit of jealousy there, too, and I see it even more clearly now when I see cases of bullying or teasing other people, talking to other people about HS days from both ends, and I have a strong suspicion that that's what's going on, at least partially, here. Most teenagers and young people are groomed to conform to fit in with their friends and they don't like it when they see something different, especially if it's different qualities that they wish they had. Like Nightshade - puh-leeeeeze! I don't believe for a minute that anyone could behold long flaming red hair and that kind of dress and NOT feel any kind of admiration - you must have been a gorgeous sight to see. I think some adult types tried to tell me this during my HS hell, and I wasn't sure if I believed them, but I do now.

Sorry to ramble on, but from what I've read, it truly sounds like janeytillie's 16 year old is jealous, as well as laughably immature. I mean, seriously, some of those comments sound like something that would fall out of a mean little 9 year old boys mouth. I would have laughed hysterically if I got a dose of this girl, then made a point to wear a bun with a calico dress, shawl and combat boots for the rest of the class and screech, "Whaaat? Whaat? Speak up, missy!" everytime she tried to say something to me.

[Unofficial_Rose]

I would have laughed hysterically if I got a dose of this girl, then made a point to wear a bun with a calico dress, shawl and combat boots for the rest of the class and screech, "Whaaat? Whaat? Speak up, missy!" everytime she tried to say something to me.

Now THAT would be fantastic! :laugh::rollin:

[Ineedmorehair]

What is it with people and agreeing that the chick has the right to her own opinion? Hello, she doesn't. Just because this is a "free country" doesn't make it ok for people to just go around spewing verbal diarheea. If she's not asked for her opinion, then it's not her "right" to give it, in fact, if it's so mean and catty it's downright verbal harassment pure and simple. See, I couldn't be friends with many of you all because you're way too nice. If she'd said that to me, I would have said "Thank you so much for your personal opinion on my hair, by the way, people talk about you and they say you're easy. I can get my ends trimmed and my problem goes away but you'll still have that reputation". Sometimes you really have to reply with stupid to the stupid.

[JamieLeigh]

I would have laughed hysterically if I got a dose of this girl, then made a point to wear a bun with a calico dress, shawl and combat boots for the rest of the class and screech, "Whaaat? Whaat? Speak up, missy!" everytime she tried to say something to me.

:spitting:....and there goes my coffee. :D

[JamieLeigh]

I'm glad that everything worked out in your favor. I'm STILL a fan of the snarky comebacks, though...so that part of it is a little disappointing. LOL. :p

BUT the important thing is that now your learning environment is clear and you can study and learn in relative peace. :)

[drquartz1970]

I wouldn't let the girls comments get to you. The only people who can trully hurt you are those that are friends, familiy or lovers. (ie the people who really matter in your life). There are some screwed up people out there and they can say things but it's only what they think - this girl is an obviously immature 16 year old - who lacks the class in decent manners. Ask yourself next time you hear criticism is it constructive or spiteful? Is it your **** or the other persons problems manifesting themselves? In general Happy people are content and Nasty people are miserable. I for one think your hair looks OK. Be strong in yourself.

[LaurelSpring]

I have one thought about this....envy. Some people would like to sabotage you because you have the longest hair. Maybe your hair makes her feel insecure so she wants you to cut it so she will feel better about hers.

[Trinka]

I always find confidence and calmness make the best response to unreasonable people. They don't quite know what to make of it. You don't have to SAY anything. ... a long, steady look, a slight smile, and then turn back to the front of the room. It makes them crazy. :)

[vindo]

I feel for you, I used to get so many negative comments on my hair when I was younger.
Nowadays I do get those comments but to a lesser degree and often anonymous on the internet. It seems that my attitude has changed = people are less daring when it comes to comments like that.
There is a lot that could be said about my hair but I simply don't care, I laugh it off and know that deep down, most people also feel some sort of envy. Not to say they want your hair but long hair is special and they may have never gotten the chance to try it out ;)

[Kbmeow]

I find alot of people are jealous of long hair. It takes alot of work and alot of people dont have the patience to do it. I have always had long hair. And I find it more that people compliment it and say something like " I wish I had that hair" So she is prob jealous. Also bullys are realy self concious and look for someone to pick on to make themselves feel better.

[Rimi]

Seems she zero'd in on your petite size too. Probably at your size she thought (or thinks) you are her age and an easier target than an adult.

Glad you worked this out, but yeah, I wish you'd verbally slammed her. Bullies just don't fade away. Appeasement never works.

[aprilmay]

Yikes! I am sorry that you have to deal with hair criticism. I get it too, but usually from friends and family: aren't you ever going to cut/change your hair, don't you get tired of it being long, etc.

[Angharad]

Oh, I feel sorry for your grief....I get the feeling I know this type of populair girl; they are the ones who never hold back to let the world know how "important" they are and how they should spread their importance around by making other people feeling just miserable and threat them disrespectfully.

Don't let her bully you, but do not take yourself to her level either.

Brief but "to the point" comments are best for such a criticizing girl; may be when someting would happen to you again in future you could say something like: "You are entitled to your opinion; however, it is my hair and I'm very pleased with it, regardless what you'll say!"

If you'll keep repeating this when she tries to make any further comments, there is no fun in it for her and she will stop harassing you.

I'll bet her hair isn't half as pretty as yours!

[rchorr]

Some people are just jealous. Maybe she's in the "misery loves company" class of people. Some folks just can't STAND it when other people don't think the exact same way that they do.

Check out Islandgrrl's thread (Obnoxious Hair Comment....and My Revenge). You'll see that some people are NEVER going to let others be. She had a GREAT revenge ... and even got an apology ;^)

I hope you don't let the b*tches get you down. Hang in there, and feel free to rant to us any time you need to.

RCHORR'

[WritingMum]

LOVE IT!!! There is nothing a teen wants to hear less than this. After that, what could she possibly say??!!
Another one they hate begins with "In the *Real* world . . . "

[WritingMum]

Ignoring works with adults, not with children or teens. With the truly immature ignoring them tends to escalate the situation.

[WritingMum]

I am kind of mystified at the number of people advising to just ignore the person. I was a late bloomer and always small for my age, and even now I am far below the median size for males at 5'8" and 160 lbs. As a small brainy kid I got picked on a until I learned to stand up and assert myself, and I don't think there is anything at all wrong with being assertive. In my experience being assertive means being willing to confront someone and force a resolution to the problem.

I'm also surprised that people are surprised that the teacher was of no use in resolving the problem as in my experience teachers or outside authority figures in general are of no use in stopping a bully. They can't always be there to protect you, and going for outside help just shows weakness.

Rusted Angel is right on target. Jodee Blanco's book, _Please Stop Laughing at Us_ presents a wonderful discussion and explores the of the dynamics of peer bullying. I encourage you to read it.

[WritingMum]

By the way, I know the situation was resolved. I just was reading some of the rest of the thread and am interacting with some of the ideas. I still like BitsweetCherry's amused look and Heidi W.'s "The LOOK".

[EtherealOde]

I see this thread got liften to the top, so felt like chiming in and giving my opinion too! :)

I did not read the other responses, but sweetie our favorite phrase of "I'm not here to decorate your world, little girl" while looking her dead in her eyes should shut her right up.

If that doesn't work, go to plan B while still looking at her with a steely stare: "Oh, excuse me, did I *ask* for your opinion?"

If that doesn't work, go to plan C which still looking at her with a steely stare: "You are young, so I'm trying to overlook your immaturity and ignorance, but as long as you keep talking you are making that increasingly difficult." :D

PM me if you need more! I have two teens, and they are pretty brutal!


ETA: :o I'm always late to the party! :o

Well, I'm glad for YOU that it has been resolved...Tuck these away if she forgets who she's dealing with.

I like her. :D More suggestions, for anyone who finds themself in a similar situation: "I hate to seem rude, because I was brought up to have manners. But you seem to have gotten the mistaken idea that your opinion matters to me." and if that doesn't work, then "Aaaaaaannnndddd......your opinion matters to me...how?"


Clearly, she is an idiot.

I like her too. This should be your third and final comment, "Clearly, you are an idiot."

My daughter would have been a bit ruder, and told her that opinions are like a$$holes, unfortunately everyone has one. She is a little mouthy with fools who clearly do not understand the concept of social boundaries, and what constitutes appropriate behaviour.

I hope the OP can give a little update on how her semester ended. I'm glad she finally stuck up for herself.

[The Drood]

Another one they hate begins with "In the *Real* world . . . "

People love to use the *Real* world thing a lot around here. I've never been able to find that place... perhaps they're the ones who are lost?

To the OP, your hair looks great (what I can see in the tiny picture). Good luck.

[theskeletonkey]

Sorry that happened to you. :undecided
Teenagers can be so immature, I would know!
There's a reason I'm not friends with girls my age.

[CherrySilver]

Opinion or no opinion -- someone seriously needs to wack this kid upside the head. Sounds like she's got a huge ego and feels it's her God-given right to go around criticizing and putting other people down. Your tutor (who's probably afraid of conflict or causing a ruckus) should be ashamed, that girl needs a talking to and NOW!

[redneckprincess]

she sounds like she is just jelous of your hair, my goodness you just cut off a huge bit of your hair how could they possibly be bad or damaged. just ignore her ♥

[Cherry_Sprinkle]

Uh my aunt was an old lady with a bun but she had been wearing them since she was at least 18! I looooooooooved her hair. I bun mine ALL the time. I've never had anyone say anything so wretched to me about my hair, I am so sorry you had to deal with that! :flowers: For what it's worth, I think your hair is beautiful.. and you go right ahead and grow that beautiful hair long!! :heartbeat

[Medievalmaniac]

Honestly? The best way to handle this is also the easiest:

Just look at the other person. You can think anything you want to while you are looking at that person - you can be thinking about french fries for lunch, or what show you need to record, or what errands you need to run - it doesn't matter what you are thinking about, what matters is that you look the person right in the eye while you are thinking it.

S'he will either get very paranoid, or very anticipatory, wondering what you are thinking and what you are going to say in response.

After approximately twenty to twenty five seconds - long enough t freak him/her out, but not long enough to actually waste your time, you then simply say, "Oh."

Then, you blink, veeeery deliberately, raise your eyebrows slightly as though it never occurred to you that such a dumb statement could ever possibly have come out of another human being's mouth, and turn away. (The key here is utter nonchalance. You might want to practice for just the right tone of "f-you, then" nonchalance.)

It never ceases to make the other person not only look totally stupid, but also usually fly into an utter rage (which prolongs that person's public display of stupidity.) Meanwhile, you look cool, calm, collected - and let's face it, totally bad-A--. :oD

An art friend of mine taught this to me, and it works every single time, no matter who the other person is. My favorite secret weapon!!

[InTheCity]

The only reason people take time to put down someone else is to make themselves feel good. She obviously has nothing to be happy about in her own life/looks, so this is what she resorted to.

[Kirin]

I've dealt with such comments before, and I always have ready retorts............. my last one was:

"You should cut your hair, it looks ratty and dated......."
"Oh, I would but, my husband would freak, he's got this thing about me tying him up with it".

Silence...... pure blissfull silence.

[luckypenny]

I've dealt with such comments before, and I always have ready retorts............. my last one was:

"You should cut your hair, it looks ratty and dated......."
"Oh, I would but, my husband would freak, he's got this thing about me tying him up with it".

Silence...... pure blissfull silence.


LMAOOO!! what a cool response !

Some people just don't feel good unless they put someone else down :(

[NickalNack]

Meh, I say don't let her words get to you. She's just childish and immature, and probably doesn't realize how much her words can affect a person. Even if she does, still, she's childish and immature, and showing her that your words are bothering you is exactly what she wants. Giving her any attention is what she wants, because that's the base of the existence of children and teens, striving for attention, no matter what the cost, or who it affects, as long as someone is paying attention to them.

I say it's a bit late for you to play the "Your words have zero affect on me" game, but you CAN still play "I've grown as a person and your words no longer have any affect on me, so go bother someone else, loser", and not pay any attention to her anymore, which in my opinion is much more affective anyway.

[Heidi_234]

Honestly? The best way to handle this is also the easiest:

Just look at the other person. You can think anything you want to while you are looking at that person - you can be thinking about french fries for lunch, or what show you need to record, or what errands you need to run - it doesn't matter what you are thinking about, what matters is that you look the person right in the eye while you are thinking it.

S'he will either get very paranoid, or very anticipatory, wondering what you are thinking and what you are going to say in response.

After approximately twenty to twenty five seconds - long enough t freak him/her out, but not long enough to actually waste your time, you then simply say, "Oh."

Then, you blink, veeeery deliberately, raise your eyebrows slightly as though it never occurred to you that such a dumb statement could ever possibly have come out of another human being's mouth, and turn away. (The key here is utter nonchalance. You might want to practice for just the right tone of "f-you, then" nonchalance.)

It never ceases to make the other person not only look totally stupid, but also usually fly into an utter rage (which prolongs that person's public display of stupidity.) Meanwhile, you look cool, calm, collected - and let's face it, totally bad-A--. :oD

An art friend of mine taught this to me, and it works every single time, no matter who the other person is. My favorite secret weapon!!
I really need to try this on my coworkers :rollin:

[Konstifik]

From what I read out of her, she sounds very jealous. And of course she wants you to cut it then.

Don't let her put you down! Your hair is beautiful and you know it!
It is very rude of her though, but I do too think the best way is to ignore her, even if I know that I too would want to give a snappy comeback or anything else that might shut her up. :)

[Flynn]

I've dealt with such comments before, and I always have ready retorts............. my last one was:

"You should cut your hair, it looks ratty and dated......."
"Oh, I would but, my husband would freak, he's got this thing about me tying him up with it".

Silence...... pure blissfull silence.

My general favourite tactic. Make them as uncomfortable as anything. If they then try to use it against you, just say, "yes?" Just like "yeah, that's true, and?"

[Blondschopf]

maybe you should try and let her really run into a wall by just repeating yourself. ppl luckily get very tired after you repeated yourself four times or so ;)

if she starts again, try these two like a broken record

" i like it that way" or "what? i can't seem to hear you" if you're lucky she starts yelling really loud which is a most embarrassing scene (for her of course^^)

even the most stupid people in the world get this behavior some time or another.....

and don't let those envious b*tches get at you, you have something all these ""fashionable"", ""trendy"" ppl don't. You have consistency and try to work on yourself AND YOUR HEALTH for years to come.. that is a beautiful thing.

[maaria]

This was not fun to hear!!:(I hope things are better today;)

[Sarahmoon]

Ok I see this is 24pages long so you probably got a lot of good advice already, but I think this girl is just terrible jealous! DON'T listen to her! She doesn't know what she's talking about anyway. I've been in Australia and saw a lot of young girls wear their hair in a bun on top of their head, so how is that an old lady style? Most old ladies I know have a short cut.

If I were you, I would just ask her why she is so concerned with the way you look and maybe she should focus more on herself instead. You didn't ask for her opinion or her "help".

[Rentlle]

omg, what a bitch!!
don't listen to her!! she's like 16!! (okei, i'm 16 too, but I know so much mean ppl from my age.. :'( )
when yu'r 16, you want to be part of the group, everyone who is a bit different MUST be changed into some regular person..
don't let anybody make you change...

I went to your album and I love your updo's, realy
especialy this one:
http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/album.php?albumid=2766&pictureid=35766

how did you do that?

please, don't listen to her.
If she comes again, just tell her that she can be small-minded elswhere...
Her acts are so childish, you know better!

and all old ladies I know, have a short cut.. but.. realy short.. :p

greetz
Rentlle

[Sarahmoon]

I went to your album and I love your updo's, realy
especialy this one:
http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/album.php?albumid=2766&pictureid=35766



:thud: Ok Now I'm sure this girl is jealous.

[Maddy25]

Aaawwww sweety! I don't want to sound cliche but she is most likely insecure, jealous and makes herself feel better by saying mean things to others. I think your hair is beautiful :) Just stay confident!!!