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Vaylemar
March 12th, 2009, 01:28 PM
Hello all,

My wife has had her hair super-long the entire time we've been together. When I met her it was below her waist, and after all these years it has grown to more or less drag on the floor behind her if she isn't wearing shoes. She knows how much I love it, but is really tired of it and wants to cut it all off. And I do mean ALL off. Total short hairstyle, and basically that extreme "just for a change" in her words.

Browsing these forums I see how many of you have such wonderful hair, and for the most part are vehemently against cutting it. Yet, on the other hand, my wife has hair longer than almost anybody, and has taken it for granted and only keeps it this way for my sake.

I can't force her to keep her hair in a way that displeases her, and I have given her my "permission" (not that she needs it because she doesn't, I don't control her) to cut it, but she can't bring herself to do it without my blessing and knowing how much I still want her to have it.

My question to all of you -- Is there any possible way to renew somebody's interest in keeping ultra-long hair? I almost fell out of my chair when I read the "please your man" thread because all of you are the EXACT opposite of my wife. What I wouldn't give for her to love her hair again like all of you do. Is there any hope? Anything at all I can do to renew her interest? I dread the day when she finally destroys all that she's accomplished.


Oh, and on a related note, due to a change of careers I'm able to grow my hair out again and will be doing so. Are there many men on this forum, or am I not really welcome?

Thanks all!

Vaylemar
March 12th, 2009, 01:29 PM
I made a boo-boo when previewing the thread. Could a mod please change "ife" to "Wife" in the title? Thanks... :p

Eireann
March 12th, 2009, 01:32 PM
You are definitely welcome. . .there are lots of men on this site. Generally speaking, men growing their own hair long are more "welcome" than those who want to talk about their wive's hair. Tell your wife about this site. She might learn new things about hair care that make her decide to keep it. Also, I imagine floor length is hard to care for. Maybe you could compromise at waist length. . .still long, but much easier for her to care for.

spidermom
March 12th, 2009, 01:35 PM
We do have men here, so you are most welcome. As for your wife, cutting from so long to short would be quite a shock, but I can imagine that having hair so long could become quite a pain to deal with every day. If she were asking for advice, I'd tell her to perhaps go halfway, maybe to tailbone or classic length - see how that feels before going shorter. Maybe some new clips or sticks or a beautiful new fork would renew her interest. Oh, and if you haven't already, introduce her to this site.

Vaylemar
March 12th, 2009, 01:36 PM
Thanks for the reply. I've suggested simply cutting it to a shorter "long" length, but she's adamant about chopping it all off, simply because she wants to see what having short hair is like. Her hair actually grows pretty slowly, so if she chopped it like that, it would be years before it got anywhere close to that again. She isn't interested in anything but "all or nothing" I'm afraid.

I just hope we can keep the cutting at "nothing" for the rest of our lives... :P

Kerynna
March 12th, 2009, 01:36 PM
Have you introduced your wife to this forum? That might renew her interest - I know it has mine. Other than that, the best thing to do would probably be to be supportive of whatever she wants to do with her hair. Since she's had long hair since you met her, maybe you'll find it alluring and exciting to have a partner with very short hair! You never know.

If she tries a short style now, she may still decide to regrow it long-ish. But as you have said, it is her choice to make. You sound like a supportive husband and I commend you for your earnest interest and understanding of her need to be herself.

And yes, men with long hair (or who want to grow it long) are very welcome here. :) I hope you stay and post more.

BlackfootHair
March 12th, 2009, 01:37 PM
Hmm....well, I don't have long hair, but from being here for a while and reading a ton, I think I can make a suggestion.

Around here we have this thing called the two week rule. When you want to do something drastic to your hair you wait two weeks before doing it. Then, if it was a rash decision (made in stress or other) the urge to change the hair has usually dissipated. I've never had hair as long as your wife, but perhaps if it wasn't dragging the ground she would feel some relief. If she really wants to go short, I would recommend several cuts, slowly taking length off. Maybe to knee...then classic, then waist...basically small amounts so if there is a "shorter" length that she feels happy with she hasn't lost the overall length. I think it would be overall devastating to cut off that much length only to find out I missed a great deal of it. Does she ever say why she wants to cut it? Just for something different, or is there a specific reason? (getting caught in things, just wants short hair...etc)

Hope that helps!

Oh, and men are also welcome here! :) We have male members here as well.
Welcome!

ETA: When I was posting this no one had replied yet, so I sound a bit redundant. lol

Vaylemar
March 12th, 2009, 01:41 PM
Well thanks for the warm welcome everyone. Much appreciated. :)

Aye, she wants to cut it because it annoys her, and she can't do much with it. Although she's never really tried doing anything with it... hehe. It's not that it touches the floor that annoys her so much that it's just super-long in general. It's not even terribly thick, so it's doesn't give her headaches or anything. She usually just wears it up in a bun all the time. Not even a pony tail so much anymore.

Silverlox
March 12th, 2009, 01:43 PM
Welcome to the boards!

To start at the end, - we do have a number of male members here who are already long haired or in the process of growing. Although the majority of members are female, men are equally welcome. :)

When it comes to your wife wanting to cut her hair, I don't really know what to say. Yes, I was one of the people in the "Hair to please your man"-thread who would refuse to cut my hair for a man.

On the other side, if I was tired of having long hair and wanted a change, I would have no problems cutting it. The main point is that whether I'm growing it or cutting it, it's something I do for me.

If your wife won't cut her hair unless she has your "blessing", which you feel you can't give as you'd prefer her to keep her hair long, well, then you are in effect "controlling" the length of her hair, whether you mean to or not. At the same time, I'd say that this is due to the fact that your wife is giving you the control, not because you're claiming it.

To be honest, if your wife is really tired of having super long hair and wants to try something new, I don't think there's anything you can do to make her enthusiastic about her hair again. Perhaps she needs a change. It is also possible that if she does change to very short hair, she might decide later that she preferred having long hair and will start growing again. However, it might also be possible that she'll love being a shorthair and want to keep it that way.

Since I don't know anything about your wife, it's impossible to guess her feelings and/or actions.

Kerynna
March 12th, 2009, 01:43 PM
Another idea: does she use hairtoys? Maybe buy her a really nice hair fork or something she can use to try a new range of styles and a new look. There are many here who are experts on the best hair accessories to buy and where to get them, if you'd like some suggestions.

There are also lots of videos on youtube that show how to style really long hair in ways that are attractive and comfortable and keep the hair out of the way. Maybe she can experiment a little, if she hasn't done so lately.

RancheroTheBee
March 12th, 2009, 01:45 PM
I totally interpreted the title as "my life has hair to the floor..."

I can see why she might get frustrated by having such long hair. If she craves such a change, maybe encourage something less drastic, like to her knee or classic-length. Also, she might feel a little better knowing that a) you love her the way she is and b) you want longer hair, as well. Also, we have a lot of threads dedicated to hairstyles and herbal coloring, which she may want to look into. Good luck! Oh, and welcome. :)

Vaylemar
March 12th, 2009, 01:51 PM
If your wife won't cut her hair unless she has your "blessing", which you feel you can't give as you'd prefer her to keep her hair long, well, then you are in effect "controlling" the length of her hair, whether you mean to or not. At the same time, I'd say that this is due to the fact that your wife is giving you the control, not because you're claiming it.

I understand what you're saying. It's not even a "blessing" so much as it's my desire for her to do it. I love her hair, and cannot force myself to "want" her to cut it, but it seems that is what she would need to do it at this time. So I'm safe for now... =)


Another idea: does she use hairtoys? Maybe buy her a really nice hair fork or something she can use to try a new range of styles and a new look. There are many here who are experts on the best hair accessories to buy and where to get them, if you'd like some suggestions.

There are also lots of videos on youtube that show how to style really long hair in ways that are attractive and comfortable and keep the hair out of the way. Maybe she can experiment a little, if she hasn't done so lately.

No, no hairtoys unless you're talking about clips and such. I'll check out those youtube vids, thanks!


I totally interpreted the title as "my life has hair to the floor..."

I can see why she might get frustrated by having such long hair. If she craves such a change, maybe encourage something less drastic, like to her knee or classic-length. Also, she might feel a little better knowing that a) you love her the way she is and b) you want longer hair, as well. Also, we have a lot of threads dedicated to hairstyles and herbal coloring, which she may want to look into. Good luck! Oh, and welcome. :)

Yeah hopefully a mod will change Ife to Wife... hehe. I'll definitely introduce her to the forums. Seems to be the unanimous suggestion! =)

Thanks for the replies, all.

Ursula
March 12th, 2009, 01:52 PM
Her hair, her head.

This is the exact same situation as in the "cut your hair for your man" thread. Pressure to make long-term commitments to a particular way of having your body is never appropriate.

As for whether you're welcome - LHC is about affirming and supporting people who have made the decision to grow their own hair long. Not about helping people pressure others to have their hair or appearance a particular way.

Vaylemar
March 12th, 2009, 01:57 PM
Her hair, her head.

This is the exact same situation as in the "cut your hair for your man" thread. Pressure to make long-term commitments to a particular way of having your body is never appropriate.

As for whether you're welcome - LHC is about affirming and supporting people who have made the decision to grow their own hair long. Not about helping people pressure others to have their hair or appearance a particular way.

She's free to do whatever she wants, whenever she wants. I simply wish to see if there's anything that might renew her interest in keeping it before she does. Not the same thing as "pressure", friend.

dor3girl
March 12th, 2009, 02:15 PM
Maybe your wife should join the site? I think it would help her to know that she encourages people like us who are trying to grow it out/keep it long.

As for men with long hair---if your current employment allows it, I say, go for it! Or would that be "Grow for it?"

unaspenser
March 12th, 2009, 02:15 PM
I know my husband loves my long hair and would be sad if I cut it. That said, what makes me happiest is that he has told me many times that he will respect my decisions to do what I like with my appearance as long as I'm not hurting myself, etc. What I do with my hair is *my* choice, and I'm glad you've told your wife that though she loves her hair long, you'll still love her if it's short. I think this site is a great way to refresh one's interest in long hair, and think about it from her shoes. She's had long hair for a long time. Many of us longhairs find other ways to change our styles periodically because it's fun to try something new. I think wearing bangs or growing them out if you already have them, trying out layers or blunting them if you've had them for a while, and learning new pretty hairstyles are great ways to make myself feel better when I get tired of my long hair.

LaurelSpring
March 12th, 2009, 02:21 PM
I second the idea of having her check out the site, buying her some beautiful unique hair toys and showing her the amazing updo videos on youtube. That should inspire anyone!

Omens
March 12th, 2009, 02:23 PM
Maybe volunteer to help her take care of it? She may not say anything, but I'm sure it is very difficult to take care of such long hair. Part of the problem might be that she's tired of the constant maintanence. My father takes care of my mother's hair, which is one of the reasons she keeps it longer. Could be worth a try.

Of course, as you seem to be aware, it's always her choice. My family (at least my parents; relatives are another story) are usually pretty adamant about me keeping my hair a bit longer, though I've often condsidered having it cut to around my chin. I think I feel a little pressure about it, but because they always tell me it looks nice I've gotten into growing it, and now I aspire to getting it much longer. So as far as it being forceful or something, I don't think so. When you care for people you value their opinion. That doesn't mean having to change yourself by any means---it's always you who chooses in the end, as it's your hair---but it does mean that their opinion can sway your final decision (IF you choose to let it) when you are not absolutely certain about something. Really, I think it is best to be truthful to people you care about, to tell them what you think even if it doesn't change anything in the end. So in other words, I think it's good you're being completely honest with her about it, yet still supporting whatever her final decision is.

My :twocents:

SimplyLonghair
March 12th, 2009, 02:27 PM
I made a boo-boo when previewing the thread. Could a mod please change "ife" to "Wife" in the title? Thanks... :p
You probably need to ask in site support:rolleyes:

Yes men are very welcome here! Welcome!
I would ask your wife if maybe part of the problem is that she is bored due to wearing it always the same way. If so then helping with hair styles might be a good thing. You could use this as together time. I loved having my DH comb and fiddle with my hair, it was something that we shared. :D

Also she might try just a shorter length. Failing that if she does cut it save the hair and make it into a wig so that it would give you another choice on hairstyle. :shrug:

Kerynna
March 12th, 2009, 02:30 PM
Maybe volunteer to help her take care of it? She may not say anything, but I'm sure it is very difficult to take care of such long hair. Part of the problem might be that she's tired of the constant maintanence. My father takes care of my mother's hair, which is one of the reasons she keeps it longer. Could be worth a try.


You probably need to ask in site support:rolleyes:

Yes men are very welcome here! Welcome!
I would ask your wife if maybe part of the problem is that she is bored due to wearing it always the same way. If so then helping with hair styles might be a good thing. You could use this as together time. I loved having my DH comb and fiddle with my hair, it was something that we shared. :D



I agree with these suggestions. That actually sounds very sexy to me ... :o ... maybe you could learn to do some nice braids and offer to braid it for her. That would be like a dream come true for me, if my husband were to do that (and my hair isn't even very long at all).

DragonLady
March 12th, 2009, 02:50 PM
Floor length hair must've taken years to grow. And it sounds like it just sort of 'happened' while she was busy with other things. So now she's focusing on it and wanting something more besides just length.

I do totally understand. I've gone through years when I didn't really pay much attention to my appearance or my hair. I was too focused on work, or the children, or deep in some project somewhere. Time slides by, and one day I look in the mirror and see that my clothes are ancient and I feel frumpy and dumpy. So, then I want a change, and I want it today.

What makes it even worse is that if she just wants a makeover, they will pressure her to cut the hair, and may not be able to just give her a nice new style without chopping it up to her chin. ;( So she is probably limited to things she can do herself, or things you can help her with.

But, all that hair only takes a few seconds to take off, and will require years to grow back. Look at what this woman has to say about getting depressed and bored with her hair: http://www.wuvie.net/stressless_tresses_2.htm and what she had before: http://www.wuvie.net/stressless_tresses.htm. It's all over, but the crying. :(

So, if it were my hair, and I was bored/sick of it, my first priority would be to change it. But that wouldn't neccesarily be to cut it, as much as to find some new ways to wear it. You say she usually just puts it in a ponytail, and I can understand how that would be boring and feel "dated" after a while. But a french braid or a simple bun might seem like a drastic enough change. And bunning it for a few days might help her "preview" what shorter hair would look like so she can make a more informed choice. On that front, a short wig might do wonders -wearing it everyday for a while might help her decide whether she really wants it short or if she just wants to take some time to learn to do more new things.

And finally, about the "blessing", if my DH needed it from me, I'd just tell him the truth: "I like it the way it is. I wish you wouldn't change it. But you have my "blessing" to make yourself happy and comfortable, and that includes cutting your hair".

Pixna
March 12th, 2009, 03:02 PM
I second the suggestion about helping your wife take care of her hair. Gently brushing it, braiding it, sound intimate and loving. It would show her how much you love her hair and are willing to help her enjoy it, too.

I also agree with the idea of buying her some lovely hair trinkets -- what we here call "hair toys." Some hair pins, sticks, forks, and clips in her favorites colors or styles that would be fun and easy for her to use and make her feel more beautiful might help rekindle her interest in her hair.

A lot of women with long hair get no real support for it. Even though you love it, she might feel "strange" or "unusual" outside of the house, or it might be a burden for her to care for. I have a feeling if she came here and saw how much we all love and admire long hair, she might have a change of heart.

It is easy to "go short" when you have long hair, just by pinning it up. But once hair is short, it takes many, many (painful) years to get it long again (take it from me -- I know about this firsthand!). Plus, styling options are limited, and visits to a salon are frequent (and expensive!) just to keep it looking good.

We've got some men here with phenomenal long hair who can be inspiration for you, too! Welcome!!! And thank you for taking such a caring interest in your wife's hair.

Eireann
March 12th, 2009, 03:06 PM
When I was 20 I got my hair cut for the first time (other than trimming, that is.) I went from past waist length to above my shoulders. I was very glad to do it, because I really wanted a change, but looking back, I wish I had maybe just cut in long layers or some sort of "style" short of a total chop. . .but at the time I had literally never set foot in a hair salon, so I didn't even know what my options were. I think waist to tailbone length with layers is a stunning look, and can look very polished and stylish and "done", and is still long by anyone's standards. Also, not that we should be slaves to fashion, but I couldn't help noticing how many women at the Oscars wore their hair around mid-back length (it might have been extension, but still. . .the look was long hair!) From floor-length to tailbone will probably feel tremendously "freeing", and if she still wants to chop more, she can, but if she decides that does the trick it's much less drastic than going all the way in one chop.

DragonLady
March 12th, 2009, 03:09 PM
I'm also thinking that maybe she hasn't updated the rest of her "look" for awhile, either? Has she bought some new clothes? New makeup? Had a manicure/pedicure recently? These things may not seem important -I know I often have trouble justifying the time or the expense- but they really do boost self-image and make the whole world seem a little better. We women need to look good to be happy. And sometimes it only take a couple of new blouses and a cute summer dress to make us see ourselves more positively.

morningstar
March 12th, 2009, 03:17 PM
Welcome to this board. :)
My advice is for you to continue growing but give her the blessings for a cut. I would suggest for her not to go drastic from floor to an above shoulder bob though. She might feel happier at hip length or waist length but it is better to cut slowly since it takes so long to grow back.
Remember she has had her hair for a long long time and it is after all hair. The change she needs could be good for her soul.
There are men here and it is a great place for those happily in pursuit of long hair. It sounds like her love affair with her hair is over but yours has just begun. :flower:

JamieLeigh
March 12th, 2009, 04:37 PM
Wow. By now, I'm not sure what there is left for me to say! LOL. :p

Welcome to the site; men are more than welcome here, and your wife will be also, if she chooses to join! I know that I have also had long hair all of my life...although I made the choice to do a major 3+ feet chop awhile back. But I had dye and neglect damage that needed to come out, as I was waaaay beyond just giving it TLC to fix it. :(

I think that she will find lots of positive threads and articles on this site, and it will be good for her to be around other people who love their hair. And it might make her feel even better to know that her hair might be the longest on this site!! ;) (I have no idea whose is the longest, as we try not to treat it as a contest...) There are a ton of updos that she probably has never tried, that would look amazing on her head.

I also have a friend on Facebook who had floor-length hair, but shaved it all off to donate to Locks of Love (shudder!! :eek:). She was tired of hers too, but now she realllllllllly misses it, to the point of being depressed over it.

But everyone is different, and if your wife would truly be happy with short hair, then by all means, it's her head and she should do with it what she feels is best. The best thing you could do (besides introducing her to this site, of course!!) would be to make sure she knows you support her in whatever decision she would make. It's not silly to make a big deal of cutting hair...to some people, it's one of the biggest decisions of their lives.

Darkhorse1
March 12th, 2009, 05:07 PM
There are progams online that she could use to see what she would look like with short hair. However, if she is keen on change, it's really up to her. Maybe she's ready for a change? I think it's a good thing. If she doesn't want long hair, that's her choice. If she regrets it, well, that's life. Any hair dresser will ask her the same thing btw. They will also ask her if she wants to donate her hair to a charity. Long hair like hers can get a lot of money online, so she has some choices to make in regards to that too. If she has a chairty she'd like to donate, I'd suggest selling the hair and using the money towards that charity, or put it away for savings, children/fund etc.

Beatnik Guy
March 12th, 2009, 05:27 PM
There are men here and it is a great place for those happily in pursuit of long hair. Uh-huh.
Your wife would be very welcome here too. :cool:

And it might make her feel even better to know that her hair might be the longest on this site!! ;)
...well, that'll depend how tall Vaylemar's wife is. He's not told us much about himself or her yet since joining today. :flower:

Vaylemar
March 12th, 2009, 05:48 PM
Thanks for all the replies. Sorry to leave you guys hanging without much information... :o

My wife is 5'3", so certainly not the tallest. So I guess to measure from the top of her head, that would be about a 5'5" measurement of actual hair including the part that trails.

With regards to her cutting it to a shorter length but not all the way, that is not an option for her. She wants to do it all the way, shorter than her chin, and then grow it out to a longer style from there. This is something she has insisted on, so it's apparently non-negotiable.

With regards to myself, right now my hair is just above my jawline. It used to be just below my shoulders but had to cut it due to a career move. Now that I'm out of said career, I'm going to grow it as long as I can and not cut it for any job ever again. Well, as long as I can up to the middle of my back or so, but who knows where I'll stop... :)

We'll certainly look into toys and whatnot, and with regards to me helping her maintain it, I do when I can. I'm more than happy to... *ahem*... wash it for her when we shower.... :o But I could certainly comb it and style it much more than I do.

If you'd like to know anything about us just ask and I'll try to answer. Thanks guys!

Coriander
March 12th, 2009, 06:34 PM
Hello, and welcome.

I was a member of this board and then "lost my way" lol for two years. I was on the verge of cutting my hair - had styles picked out and everything - and then I found this board again.

With renewed friendships and support and a heck of a lot of wonderful advice, I changed my mind and began taking really good care of my hair again. Hair-toys, deep treatments and combing are my own ways of relaxing, and my DBF is happy to help when it comes to the combing. I think it brings us closer together; it's a sign to me of love and sweetness.

I know that when I get stressed or bored with stuff in life then I tend to focus all of that on some part of me, and it usually ends up being my hair.

Talk to your wife about this board. Suggest that she cut it to a more manageable length, and if she still isn't happy then the can go from there.

However, if she's insistent, then nothing you can really do.

jojo
March 12th, 2009, 06:36 PM
Welcome! your very welcome to the site, as for your wife maybe cut to classic may be a big enough change for her, but as the others have said tell her about the site and take it from there, oh course its her choice but id hate to see 'ive cut my hair and regret it' post.

Your in the right place for support for both you and your wife.

magpielaura
March 12th, 2009, 06:46 PM
Hello!

If your wife has been talking about doing this for some time, and you've made a few of the suggestions people have put forward and she still really wants to do it...Then you should help her choose a hair salon and look at pictures of the style she might like. She wants your blessing for her to do what she wants, and though you might not like it, that is what you should do. If she wants to cut it all off, and no other change will do, then be happy for her and tell her how wonderful she looks when it is done. If she loves it, great! If not you can be supportive, and growing long can be something to share together.

(having said that, I'd say cut to waist or something before commiting to a pixie cut! But it is her hair and and it will grow back!)

I'm sure if it was possible there are plenty of people here that would swap hair with your wife!

arabidbutterfly
March 12th, 2009, 06:51 PM
If it helps at all, most stylists won't cut that amount of length all at once. They will usually suggest a "little now, little later" type of approach, so that the entire length will not be cut all at once.
I agree with silverlox. I will grow or cut my hair regardless of what dh thinks or wants. Look at it this way, as much as you like her hair long, you really don't know what you will think of it short until you see it.

EdG
March 12th, 2009, 07:00 PM
Invite your wife to join the board. She might just need to interact with other longhairs. Longhairs (especially floor-length) are somewhat of a non-mainstream group. :cool:

Long-haired men are welcome here. Welcome! :)
Ed

harpgal
March 12th, 2009, 09:25 PM
I made a boo-boo when previewing the thread. Could a mod please change "ife" to "Wife" in the title? Thanks... :pSure! :magic:

rockkcor
March 12th, 2009, 09:52 PM
Perhaps you can offer her to grow your own hair together with her?

Donít ask for something unless you can do it yourself!

lynnala
March 12th, 2009, 10:10 PM
Has anyone yet suggested wigs? Why not get a wig in the style she wants to get, and see how she likes it. You don't even have to buy one, just go to a wig shop and try them out. If I wanted to change my hair drastically, this is definitely what I would do.

Alia
March 12th, 2009, 10:12 PM
Maybe you could get a few short wigs for her to try out being a shorthair without the commitment? There's an article somewhere on this site about getting super long hair successfully under a wig.:)

MotherConfessor
March 12th, 2009, 11:31 PM
Please tell your wife we would love to meet her!! Even if she is dead set on cutting it, it may help her to talk to other people who have gone through a major chop. Not because we want to talk her out of it, but so she can connect with people who know what shes going through. That said, I tend to doubt that her adamancy about chopping it all off is entirely about her hair. Often (and not always) those of us who insist on a drastic change are transferring our feelings for something else to our hair. She may be feeling desperate for a change. Either way, it may be best for her to cut her hair - even if she is going to regret it later. How much worse would it be to not cut it and regret never knowing if she would have liked it for the rest of her life. No matter what, it will grow back.

I dont claim to know any of this for certain. Its just a pattern I have seen before so I am throwing an idea out there.

We would really like to meet her though. :)

Debra83
March 13th, 2009, 12:39 AM
Tell her she may deeply regret such a drastic cut as a few of us on the boards have ourselves. I'm unable to ever sit down again for the constant kicking myself!!!! :)

If she's set on a change, how about bangs? or how about a colour change? Maybe lop off a few inches so it's not sweeping the floor for her and she can feel she can wear it down once in awhile. To me not much sense having really long hair, if you don't get to wear it down and are constantly bunning it. That can't be fun forever.

Has she tried Henna? or a Henna Gloss?

I would try all these techniques BEFORE EVER CUTTING MY HAIR SHORT AGAIN. EVER.

But, that's just me!!!

Welcome to the site, you will find tons of information on how to grow your hair longer, faster than you've imagined. Maybe that will spur your wife on to grow her hair again, or keep it long to begin with. Good Luck and happy growing!

Alun
March 13th, 2009, 01:03 AM
Not much to add, but welcome!

I think we have about 10% guys here. It's hard to be exact, because some people voted that their gender was cheese! That's an in joke, but if you hang around you will see that all our polls have a cheese option.

Robbi Dehlinger
March 13th, 2009, 01:05 AM
Hi!

Wigs have been suggested, I was going to, but somebody beat me to it?

I WANT super long hair and am now growing it, but, as other folks have said, it is HER hair?

Maybe if she saw all the ladies her who have or want hair to their ankles, it might help? She might feel like she is a "freakazoid" for having hair that long?? She is NOT alone!

:)

littlebabywulf
March 13th, 2009, 01:22 AM
With regards to her cutting it to a shorter length but not all the way, that is not an option for her. She wants to do it all the way, shorter than her chin, and then grow it out to a longer style from there. This is something she has insisted on, so it's apparently non-negotiable.

With regards to myself, right now my hair is just above my jawline. It used to be just below my shoulders but had to cut it due to a career move. Now that I'm out of said career, I'm going to grow it as long as I can and not cut it for any job ever again. Well, as long as I can up to the middle of my back or so, but who knows where I'll stop... :)


Maybe you two could compromise? Cut your hair to the same length and start growing it together?

I've got to say though, I'm a bit on Ursula's side. It is her hair. While you *say* that she is free to do what she wants with her hair, in my opinion, it's clear that she also values your opinion very much and that she might not be keeping her hair for her but to please you instead. It seems almost guilt tripping.

And I do have a short-term memory so late at night, but it sounds to me like she'd kind of like to start over with a short cut and then grow it out longer? I think that's half the fun of having hair. It's incredibly fun for me to chop all of my hair off and to be able to try so many new hairstyles that come along with various lengths. It's so much fun to have a loved hairstyle that you've been unable to do because your hair is too short all of the sudden be feasible again.

FWIW, I'm an all or nothing kind of girl, too. When I get sick of my hair I do not want it under any circumstance. I might delay the decision by a few months while I go back and forth with it while taking my husbands thoughts into consideration, but ultimately it is my hair. :shrug:

SimplyLonghair
March 13th, 2009, 02:19 AM
I still say that if she is adamant to cut, then save the hair and make it into a wig. That way she could wear it sometimes for you to enjoy and yet keep her hair short for awhile or whatever she chooses. But also trying the wigs to "try" the short hair for awhile too. That way she can try before she buys as it were. So that she can have some fun with it. Sometimes it is about seeing what you like again. She may just need to be reminded of why she has long hair in the first place. I love my hair long because it is easier to deal with than short hair. I spent way too much time fixing the short hair as opposed to the way that my long hair takes much less fuss.:D

hanne jensen
March 13th, 2009, 02:48 AM
Welcome to TLHC! I know that every time I've cut my hair, I've deeply regretted it. Your wife's hair is so long that it would probably be traumatic for her to go so short even if that's what she wants now.

Honey39
March 13th, 2009, 03:07 AM
Have you thought about trying out different wigs? Just to see and feel what short hair feels like - maybe your wife could try wearing a bob for a day, a pixie, etc. And see if she liked the freedom.

I know the feeling she has, because when I had very long hair I would periodically yearn for short hair, for the feeling of running a comb through my hair easily, for the ease, for the difference. It never ever turned out how I wanted, because in my head the short hair I would have would be short and silky and straight - well, doh!! It was still my frizzy, curly hair, only shorter!

Anyway, I would try wigs if I were your wife. And I think you should try to be supportive and not try to persuade her, because that might just make her more determined - well, it would if it were me!

brok3nwings
March 13th, 2009, 06:10 AM
Welcome to the boards, if you want to grow your hair long i think you are at the right place ;)
About your wife, i can imagine why she would want to cut her hair, if she has it long for such a long time... but i also understand how you feel about it. It has grown a lot since you are both togeter so in a certan way it is also yours. You have gained love to it. I would, and i have when my boyfriend grew his hair... the decision is hers, its her hair, but i think that probably is something that is worth thinking a lot before cuting it all off. Its a lot of hair and it would cause a big impact thats for sure.
I think that if i had been growing my hair long and having no one to talk about it, to discuss how to treat it and important how to STYLE it, probably i would get bored. Coming to this forum maybe could change her mind cause you really get exided when looking to others hairs and very important..you feel you are not the only one. So see if she is interested in giving a first look, if its final, well, you should only hope that she ends happy with her new hair cut :)

Trinka
March 13th, 2009, 06:35 AM
Lots of good suggestions here.

I would second the idea that you invite her to join this board. It's a great way to appreciate what she's got, and learn new and different ways to care for it. Then if she chooses to cut, she's at least had some good information to base her decision on.

I also think the suggestions are great that you learn to, and volunteer to, help her care for her hair. Having someone volunteer to braid my hair and fuss with it? It would be like heaven. :)

Trinka

lora410
March 13th, 2009, 07:07 AM
There are lots of men here, and we welcome everyone. The thing that keeps my interest is new hair toys :D forks mostly. There is a thread around here of all the hair toy vendors. If she wants to cut, I suggest she does a little bit at a time to see if that is what she really wants instead of chopping it all right off.

joyfulmom4
March 13th, 2009, 08:25 AM
Welcome to the boards. Men who are growing their hair long are most certainly welcome here. Your wife would be welcome here too. :) Perhaps she might like to browse around here if she's trying to decide about cutting her hair. If nothing else, it might help her to make her decision, whether it be for long hair or short.

I think it's common for many of us to go through phases of considering a haircut. People with hair of all lengths like a new style periodically. If you wife chooses to keep her hair long, she might be interested in checking out the various styling threads. Maybe some new and interesting updos would suit her or some new hair accessories to decorate her updos? I know when I am bored w/ my hair, discovering a new style helps keep my interest.

Ultimately, she may choose to go shorter. Or even ultra-short. I'm glad you are supportive of her right to choose whatever style she prefers.

Best wishes to you both.

Mary <><
March 13th, 2009, 09:12 AM
Hi And welcome! Please get your wife to join, we would love to know her secrets as well! Sounds like she has a gorgeous head of hair!


***SNIP***I've got to say though, I'm a bit on Ursula's side. It is her hair. While you *say* that she is free to do what she wants with her hair, in my opinion, it's clear that she also values your opinion very much and that she might not be keeping her hair for her but to please you instead. It seems almost guilt tripping. ***SNIP***

In all fairness, I don't think it is guilt tripping, personally. He should not have to hide his feelings, afterall he is entilted to an opinion. And if she *chooses* to value his opinion above her own that is her free choice. As he has repeatedly said, she does not have to keep it long for him, he likes it better that way, but the choice is hers. I would guess that they probably have a very special relationship because they value each others' opinions. Not common in many of today's marriages, unfortunately. :twocents:

justgreen
March 13th, 2009, 09:20 AM
My two cents worth...I don't think I'd appreciate my husband here talking about my hair. :shrug:

Darkhorse1
March 13th, 2009, 09:54 AM
justgreen--to be honest, this thread has me a bit suspicious. No man would honestly post on a webboard about their wife's hair. It seems to be a bit....strange to me. I do apologize to the OP if I'm wrong, but the premise is a bit odd to me. A man wouldn't really care all that much--if their wife wants to cut her hair, it's her hair. Nothing a man can do can make her interested in it. Her hair, her choice. And even if a man cared, very few would post on a webboard. I also don't think a wife would appreciate being spoken about.

Kerynna
March 13th, 2009, 10:10 AM
justgreen--to be honest, this thread has me a bit suspicious. No man would honestly post on a webboard about their wife's hair. It seems to be a bit....strange to me. I do apologize to the OP if I'm wrong, but the premise is a bit odd to me. A man wouldn't really care all that much--if their wife wants to cut her hair, it's her hair. Nothing a man can do can make her interested in it. Her hair, her choice. And even if a man cared, very few would post on a webboard. I also don't think a wife would appreciate being spoken about.

Yes, by all means, we who post at LHC cannot be accepting and friendly to a guy who does not fit the typical stereotype of the average man. We like our men glued to the couch, beer in hand and belching loudly while ignoring their wives interests and feelings.

Be gone, man who dares be unusual! Be gone I say!

</sarcasm>

Darkhorse1
March 13th, 2009, 10:13 AM
Sorry K---it seems fishy to me. Honestly? Most guys would respect their wives and understand, not run to a website and ask other women. Sorry, it doesn't wash with me. Color me suspicious. This is the internet. Sorry,I don't whole heartidly trust people at face value on the net. There are a lot of strange people out there and with very little information given, color me a bit on the leery side.

spidermom
March 13th, 2009, 10:19 AM
All these suggestions to help her more with her hair, I've got to say - if I needed help to take care of my hair, I'd definitely cut it.

Kerynna
March 13th, 2009, 10:25 AM
Sorry K---it seems fishy to me. Honestly? Most guys would respect their wives and understand, not run to a website and ask other women. Sorry, it doesn't wash with me. Color me suspicious. This is the internet. Sorry,I don't whole heartidly trust people at face value on the net. There are a lot of strange people out there and with very little information given, color me a bit on the leery side.

I don't trust people on the 'net either, believe me, I have a healthy dose of skepticism in that regard. However, whenever I question someone's authenticity online, I ask myself, what do they have to gain? What is their motivation for posting false information?

In this case, I cannot figure out what the motivation would be. I know LHC gets its share of trolls, but usually they are in the nature of asking what women do to 'turn men on' or what have you. I just don't see anything like that with this thread.

What does Vaylemar stand to gain by posting this if it isn't true?

Eireann
March 13th, 2009, 10:34 AM
justgreen--to be honest, this thread has me a bit suspicious. No man would honestly post on a webboard about their wife's hair. It seems to be a bit....strange to me. I do apologize to the OP if I'm wrong, but the premise is a bit odd to me. A man wouldn't really care all that much--if their wife wants to cut her hair, it's her hair. Nothing a man can do can make her interested in it. Her hair, her choice. And even if a man cared, very few would post on a webboard. I also don't think a wife would appreciate being spoken about.

Some men do care that much. I know my DH would be very disappointed if I had short hair, but he does respect the fact that it is my hair and my choice. I give the OP a lot of credit for telling his wife how he feels about it. If she asks him a direct question, why should he lie? If he prefers her hair the way it is, and she asks him his opinion, what should he say? She can still get it cut. It is her hair. It's her choice to take his opinion into consideration, and I see nothing wrong with that at all on either side. (Of course, I don't know these people at all, I'm only going by what I've read from the posts.)

Mary <><
March 13th, 2009, 11:03 AM
Yes, by all means, we who post at LHC cannot be accepting and friendly to a guy who does not fit the typical stereotype of the average man. We like our men glued to the couch, beer in hand and belching loudly while ignoring their wives interests and feelings.

Be gone, man who dares be unusual! Be gone I say!

</sarcasm>

LOL! Very well stated! But posts this funny should come with a "no-liquid-in-the-mouth-while-reading" warning! :rollin:

heidi w.
March 13th, 2009, 11:15 AM
1. Show her this website and see what she thinks of it.

2. I think it's sweet that she's trying to figure out a way to please you, yet also find a way to have something that is more suitable to her.

3. The largest problem for most women with uber long hair is the tricks for caring for it. And the weight in an updo. The updo weight can really cause a lot of pain on the scalp skin.

She might be interested in keeping some or all of it if she had a broader repertoire of updos, and some tricks for washing that lessen the time spent, such as scalp washing (which only cleans the hair close to the head, to about shoulder length or so....leaving the rest dry).

4. I do recommend that if she's thinking of removing some length she do it in stages. For example, if she's around calf length to nearing the ankles, then go to knee length. Or knee length, go to "classic" length (that is the bottom of the derriere). Or Knee length remove to hip length, or thereabouts (below the waist)...and so on. I would NOT recommend going in stages such as from knee length to shoulder length. The GM system, when he removes a lot of length takes great care in doing such a procedure, cutting, typically, around the bra strap area.

If she does such a cut, she should NOT allow the hair to fall to the floor. This is most disrespectful. I would ponytail the hair, and remove it at a lower point than the actual cut is planned so that one can braid it nicely and save in a box or something, laying in acid free tissue paper, perhaps adorned with a nice bow...in a box like a rose box. (Many women use such hair later for their own hair to adorn as part of an updo.)

5. DO NOT GIVE TO LOCKS OF LOVE!!! Locks of Love is NOT for cancer patients. It's for those with permanent hair loss, which cancer typically is not. Mostly they serve alopecia people, a very small &#37; of the population, comparing to how much hair they receive. They throw away as much as 60% of donations, then sell some, and very low % of hair donated actually ends up in a wig. Over the years they've made about 2200 wigs and hair pieces, receiving at least 2000 donations per week (I've heard of much higher numbers). Check out the NYTIMES STYLE SECTION back in Sept 2007. There was a thread recently that ran again just this week on this Mane Forum. I would recommend PANTENE BEAUTIFUL LENGTHS over LoL. They absolutely serve women with cancer who need a wig. Do not pony the hair wet and cut it wet and put the hair WET in a bag. IT WILL MOLD and not be usable.

http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/showthread.php?t=21762
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/09/06/fashion/06locks.html?_r=1

6. I would recommend the gradual cutting another way, too. By inches (or per #4 above). Remove 6 inches and see how that feels, falls, flows, and how she can handle the care. Part of her problem may be the business of detangling. If it feels better, and works better for her, she can stay put.

7. No matter how she cuts length in stages (by inches or by body locale), I absolutely recommend applying the 2 week rule at each step. Live with the new length a minimum of 2 weeks, perhaps longer, such as a month. THEN decide. See how the new length feels, looks, is managed....it may be just enough.

8 Those with really thick hair, in an updo can be a serious weight issue. There are tricks for managing this, such as two buns of some kind instead of one large one.

9. Although I personally don't usually recommend bangs, she may like the idea of cutting in some face framing or something (long wisps that can be drawn back, too). Maybe her need is to feel a little updated somehow or to not have the same look all the time (back to updo variety). Maybe she knows no updos!!

10. In summer, especially humid weather, such length is like wearing a wool blanket in the desert. Extremely uncomfortable.

11. Depending on her day's routine, if all she's doing is wearing it down, yeah, it can really get in the way when quite long. Updos, braids are the only solution.

Anyway, these are my thoughts. I strongly recommend you share this thread with her, and let her come to her own conclusions. It's always best if the person actually having the issue writes in. Your issue is likely different than hers. Yours is it's beautiful and I love it, and how can I rekindle her interest. Until a person experiences uber long lengths, they pretty much have no ability to relate to this experience of what it's like to handle. It's actually not that much, but it is a sacrifice in some regards to maintain it. And if she's really busy, or doesn't know any updos, or the same look is boring to her, then it's just not as fun or interesting. Also, a lot of women despise gray. The whole crux of this question goes to how a woman feels in her own body and feels beautiful at any stage in her life.

I'm sure you'll come to an agreement somehow.

Good luck. And I do hope somehow that I've been helpful.
heidi w.

mooglewoo
March 13th, 2009, 11:27 AM
I don't have any more suggestions, but to add to one...even if she comes here JUST BECAUSE YOU ASKED HER TO, she may fall in love with some of the mid-back styles she sees and not want to cut to Pixie/shoulder. *shrugs* I would no matter what however, ask her to come here before she cuts. You could even lure her in by bragging about all the tutorials, reviews, etc on ways to take care of her hair, even she cut it, I'm sure she wants healthy happy hair!

As to the "genuinity" of the OP, DBF loves my hair long and would very upset if I cut it. He would get over it, but he'd comment everyday for A WHILE that he missed it. He knows about this site and that I am very active on it, and heck, he might even come to post that he misses my hair. He would then be corrected by mods because he isn't growing his hair out (yet the OP is!) but my point is, some men REALLY DO care about their SO's hair, even in an uncontrolling "i just really love your hair long" way. It is not unheard of! *my 2 cents*

Darkhorse1
March 13th, 2009, 11:37 AM
*Shrugs* I'll be skeptical. I have my theories on their 'gain'.

Honestly? A DH doesn't own their wife nor their hair. If she wants to cut, she cuts. Sorry it upsets DH. Running to an internet website rather than talking it over with his wife seems very fishy to me. Part of a marriage is communication, not the internet. Just my two cents worth.

Eireann
March 13th, 2009, 11:45 AM
I don't have any more suggestions, but to add to one...even if she comes here JUST BECAUSE YOU ASKED HER TO, she may fall in love with some of the mid-back styles she sees and not want to cut to Pixie/shoulder. *shrugs* I would no matter what however, ask her to come here before she cuts. You could even lure her in by bragging about all the tutorials, reviews, etc on ways to take care of her hair, even she cut it, I'm sure she wants healthy happy hair!

As to the "genuinity" of the OP, DBF loves my hair long and would very upset if I cut it. He would get over it, but he'd comment everyday for A WHILE that he missed it. He knows about this site and that I am very active on it, and heck, he might even come to post that he misses my hair. He would then be corrected by mods because he isn't growing his hair out (yet the OP is!) but my point is, some men REALLY DO care about their SO's hair, even in an uncontrolling "i just really love your hair long" way. It is not unheard of! *my 2 cents*

Agreed. My DH is definitely not controlling in the least. When I decided to get my hair cut from APL to an above the shoulders layered bob, just like a particular movie star, he told me he wasn't crazy about the idea, but it's my hair so I can do what I want (this was early in our relationship before I knew how much he liked very long hair). I went ahead and cut. After that, he couldn't even watch the movie with the offending haircut in it. I guess it was too painful for him! That's when I learned how much it meant to him, and I've been growing it out ever since!

Eireann
March 13th, 2009, 11:47 AM
*Shrugs* I'll be skeptical. I have my theories on their 'gain'.

Honestly? A DH doesn't own their wife nor their hair. If she wants to cut, she cuts. Sorry it upsets DH. Running to an internet website rather than talking it over with his wife seems very fishy to me. Part of a marriage is communication, not the internet. Just my two cents worth.

We all talk about our relationships here. What's the difference? I can see a scenario where he was looking for information to try to renew her enthusiasm for her hair, came across this website, and decided to ask the nice people here for some advice. Isn't that pretty much what we all did?

Mary <><
March 13th, 2009, 11:54 AM
*Shrugs* I'll be skeptical. I have my theories on their 'gain'.

Honestly? A DH doesn't own their wife nor their hair. If she wants to cut, she cuts. Sorry it upsets DH. Running to an internet website rather than talking it over with his wife seems very fishy to me. Part of a marriage is communication, not the internet. Just my two cents worth.(my bolding added to comment on)

No ill manner intended at all, but I didn't get the impression it was *rather* than talking to her. Apparently they have communicated on this issue or else she would not be keeping her hair for him. How else would she know that he felt this way??? I think he is trying to get more info so he can further the communication with his wife. I don't know about anyone else, but I want my DH imput on my looks. I want to keep him looking at me, KWIM! :D I don't think that means he is "controlling" or "manipulative." It just means his opinion matters more to me than anyone else's does. I want to be pleasing to him in every way I can. I think it is very selfless of his wife to feel this way, and with how selfish a place this world can be, it sounds like he has a true gem of a wife!

mooglewoo
March 13th, 2009, 11:59 AM
Mary, that was wonderfully put! *nods on in aggreement*

rach
March 13th, 2009, 12:02 PM
:hmm: :hmm: :hmm: :hmm: :hmm:
i havn't read all of people posts on here but this is what i suggest as a compromise is to cut it down gradually till she and yourself are happy with it. for a start having hair on the floor sound like hard work to me and might be worth trimming it down for just that reason alone. and yeah hair gadgets, sticks (there are some really pretty ones out there) and braides - some of the photo's people have on here are very inspiring and look like fun and look out of this world. if she's bored of it try something like cassia/henna, henna,henna indigo mixes as a change of colour which are all very healthy on you hair and may give a new way of seeing her hair.
i hope this is helpful. And yeah introduce us to us lot, we don't bite honest :eyebrows:
link to a website i bought a hair gadget recently as i was fed up with chopstick comments , lol. also have a look on ebay and see what you can find. (http://www.etsy.com/shop.php?user_id=5131346)
my husband prefers me having longer hair but supportive what ever i do, both of us find it sensual.
cutting most of it off is a big decision and not one to take lightly.

i'll have it :eyebrows:

Darkhorse1
March 13th, 2009, 12:06 PM
Sorry, but if my husband went to a website to encourage me to keep something, that would bother me. I'd rather he discuss it with me because to me, that's personal. To each is own.

Also, the OP's post is a bit contradictory. Wife wants to cut short, but wants his permission, but is determined to cut. ??? That makes no sense.

Anyhow, I've said my piece. :)

heidi w.
March 13th, 2009, 12:09 PM
*Shrugs* I'll be skeptical. I have my theories on their 'gain'.

Honestly? A DH doesn't own their wife nor their hair. If she wants to cut, she cuts. Sorry it upsets DH. Running to an internet website rather than talking it over with his wife seems very fishy to me. Part of a marriage is communication, not the internet. Just my two cents worth.

These types of threads always raise eyebrows. I know why but don't always get the skepticism.

My read on this gentleman's initial post was that he and his wife ARE discussing it, and he's seeking information.

I think the compromise idea of cutting some yet not all length is a possibility, certainly. I mean, even if she had waist length hair, this is still fairly long in today's world.

In the end, she gets to decide, which is obvious in his initial post.

I like to assume the best I possibly can. I felt the initial post was pleasant, clear, and explanatory enough so we knew it wasn't some case of a fetishist of some sort.

There's nothing wrong with a husband and wife trying to work out a compromise. I mean, when I go on a date, I dress pretty nice. Why? Because I want him to think I'm pretty. I want him to be attracted to me. I certainly, if I knew my man better (if I had one!), and he liked a certain kind of outfit on occasion, or occasionally liked a little lingerie...well, I'd wear it. I'm sure he'd do something for me too -- like please me by taking out the trash. (I just hate taking out the trash. It's cold out there! LOL)

I hope this makes sense.

heidi w.

Darkhorse1
March 13th, 2009, 12:12 PM
Heidi--I guess for me, I'd be very irked if my other half went online to talk about personal discussions. That's just me, and everyone is their own person. That's why this thread just felt odd to me.

We others came here, men and women, they fill out all the information. They have specifics. This isn't something that I think others can help with. It's a personal, private decision. I'd be very ticked if this were my husband, because my hair is MINE. If I choose to cut it, sorry if it upsets you, but if my husband wanted to grow a beard or mustache, I may not like it, but I wouldn't say 'don't'.

Oh well. To each is own I guess.

Kerynna
March 13th, 2009, 12:21 PM
Judging by this Dear Abby discussion, it's not so unusual for men to ask advice about their wives' feelings of cutting their long hair and their own feelings of wishing they wouldn't.

http://www.philly.com/philly/living/20090203_Dear_Abby__Long_hair_a_burden_both_husban d__wife_should_bare.html

morningstar
March 13th, 2009, 12:34 PM
I agree with Darkhorse 1 word for word. It sounds like we have the same criteria for respect in our partnership.
I was to understand that support for those that want to grow their hair long and healthy is what this place is about. I cannot in my heart support someone who wants to convince someone else to keep their long (floor length no less) hair because "they" love it. The woman in question has had long hair for a long time. When my friends here decide to cut I would never make them feel they should be convinced to not cut. Who am I to tell someone how long their hair should be?
To the OP: Grow your hair and learn all you can here it is a great place. :)
If your wife with floor length hair is unaware of this place and you have not told her about it or your membership here, why not? I am sorry with all due respect but this does not make sense to me.

Pixna
March 13th, 2009, 12:44 PM
I can empathize with the OP. My husband has a beard, and I wish, wish, wish he would grow it longer. I've told him I love it long (it was long when we first met), but he likes to keep it shorter and neater these days. He feels the hair is "scruffier" than it was when he was younger, and he's just more comfortable with it shorter. We've compromised -- it's not as short as he wants it, and it's not as long as I want it. If we could not find this compromise, I could very well see myself posting on a "long beard site" somewhere asking for advice (anonymously). Maybe it's not quite the same dilemma, but I can see why a husband (or wife) might post here asking for advice.

susiemw
March 13th, 2009, 01:04 PM
my vote is have your wife join this site.. .it can be quite inspiring and educational.

I would also discuss having her consider cutting to waist or tailbone length... Then if she wants to go even shorter she can do it in increments until she finds the length she likes.
I think long hair is much easier to deal with than long hair but your wifes extra long hair would be an exception to that rule.
I can understand wanting a change.... but a huge change like cutting really sort she might love or might regret.

If she regrets the super short cut, it'll be a long time before it'll be long again. If she cuts in increments she'll may find a length she really likes without going totally short. Of she'll find that after several cuts she loves short hair.. it's just a "safer" way to go to avoid the after cutting regrets.

And I love the suggestion above of your buying her some nice hair toys. Hair toys are wonderful and can help renew interest in her hair and are good at various lengths.

I hope your wife finds a length she likes.

susan

Darkhorse1
March 13th, 2009, 01:10 PM
Dear Abby--personal advice column
LHC--advice on hair BB.

A bit different imho
Glad morning star understands where I'm coming from. I'm not trying to paint this person as a less than admirable person, but people like Ed, trolly, beatnik guy and other gents here have openly shared photos, their desires and been part of discussions for their own needs, not that of someone else.

rach
March 13th, 2009, 01:12 PM
ok -this has turned into a relationship husband/wife rights debate and is a bit to heated for my liking.
everyones relationship at home is different to anyone else's (e.g some husbands like giving gift to there wives hence why i suggested a link for hair gadgets, and some wives love been pampered with gifts (i would :) ) , some more controlled than others i do know peoples who's are. but he's asking nicely for advice and being nasty isn't going to help on this tread. i know my husband would at least like to know what i'm doing, say if i wanted "pink hair" he might like to have a sight say.

i hope we can regain your faith here "Vaylemar"

just talk to her and as said :)

my vote is have your wife join this site.. .it can be quite inspiring and educational.

Starr
March 13th, 2009, 02:01 PM
Floor length hair is unusual- thus the circumstances are unusual. Sure, he could write to Dear Abby, but seeing as most of the world is leery about anything longer than waist- the advice be to just cut it to something trendy and move on. An advice coloumnist wouldn't have the same perspective as many of the longhairs here. Would you ask advice about cooking from someone who couldn't cook?

That being said, welcome Vaylemar! I hope you find that you like it here and chose to continue growing out your hair regardless of your wife's decision.

Unicorn
March 13th, 2009, 02:33 PM
I suspect is it a case of different strokes for different folks Darkhorse. I'm one of the women who would not seek a spouses permission to cut or grow my hair, but I wouldn't find the OP's approach at all offensive from a spouse. He hasn't said anything overly personal about his wife nor anything identifying in any way. I'd rather a spouse felt free to give a real opinion, though the opposite side of the freedom to opine, is that the object of one's opinion is not put under any obligation to act on said opinion.

If I were wavering on wether to cut or not, then I can see being swayed by a spouses preferance. So this situation doesn't seem strange to me.

But more to the point of the post. One of the reasons I joined LHC was I was wavering about cutting my hair! I want long hair, but my goodness some stages had me wondering if it was worth it. On several occasions I came close to de-locking and cutting. Coming here plus buying hair toys that I could use if I kept on growing (it took around 18 months after my first purchase before I could actually use any of the items I bought) is what kept me from cutting. So far I'm really glad I didn't, as I've just reached the point were I can start using my toys and trying out new looks. But I'm sure I'll go through phases when I wonder about cutting again. Then I'll go on another hair toy and new hairstyle safari :)

So I'm with those who suggest a combination of joining/viewing LHC and hairtoys is the way to go. If the desire to cut is just a temporary phase, then this will re-awaken any enthusiasm, on the other hand if your wife really has fallen out of love with her long hair, then I don't really see too much persuading her otherwise.

Unicorn

ETA: Forgot to say welcome Vaylemar. :)

adiapalic
March 13th, 2009, 03:10 PM
I agree with these suggestions. That actually sounds very sexy to me ... :o ... maybe you could learn to do some nice braids and offer to braid it for her. That would be like a dream come true for me, if my husband were to do that (and my hair isn't even very long at all).


I was thinking the same thing! I love for my DBF to do that for me. Poor guy doesn't know the first thing about braiding, but sometimes he brushes my hip-length hair for me--it is such a relief from a long day.

Vaylemar, along with the suggestions to introduce her to the site, play with new new hairtoys, perhaps you could assist her in caring for her hair along with helping her try new styles. Feet-length is quite a lot of hair. I think the 2-week idea is a great suggestion as well, along with taking baby steps in cutting it at all.

Lady Godiva
March 13th, 2009, 03:48 PM
I'm waiting for the OP to discuss how he currently helps his wife with her hair or say whether they've discussed including him in its care, or if that's out of the question, meaning she's stuck doing all the routine, boring work (yes, it can be) entirely for his gratification. To me, much hinges on this.

My hair's as long as hers at least, and my husband helps with it, doing a lot of detangling, and, my, does that get awfully dull at times. Why do it, when hair is this long? Well, it's a hobby of mine - a hobby of sorts - and we help each other with lots of things in life. I help him with his hobbies, and he helps with mine.

If she has grown to truly dislike her hair, then it's been a long time that she has worn it super long for his sake instead of wearing it as she'd prefer. Maybe enough is enough at this time, and she's sacrificed enough already. The bottom line is if she's very unhappy now and is determined to cut all of her hair off, then maybe it's time for him to jump on that plan and decide to enjoy it. It could be fun growing his hair long while she grows hers again.

heidi w.
March 13th, 2009, 03:48 PM
Sorry, but if my husband went to a website to encourage me to keep something, that would bother me. I'd rather he discuss it with me because to me, that's personal. To each is own.

Also, the OP's post is a bit contradictory. Wife wants to cut short, but wants his permission, but is determined to cut. ??? That makes no sense.

Anyhow, I've said my piece. :)


Darkhorse1, I see your point of view entirely--the privacy of a relationship.

I didn't read this "thinking" the first time round (I interpreted what you were saying slightly differently), and wasn't meaning to get overly personal, really (although I did quote you).

I suppose if I were to be honest, I too would be at least a little put off, even if me&mine had the discussions already....and then discover some of it is on something much more public. On the other hand, I know me enough that I would at least try to consider his point of view and logic for such an action, and most likely, especially since he wasn't mean or snarky or biting, let it blow over, for the most part, after that initial shock on my part was overcome. He is well intended, at least.

Also, given that I've been in the long hair world for quite some time, I tend to see the subject differently than some others might. My experience spans a good 14 or so years now (I had longer hair when I first found out about internet and boards). I've met all kinds of folks now, too, in the hair world. Men included. So I have the luxury of that experience to inform my understanding of such an action by an intimate partner, at least as it concerns hair.

Now if he posted a pix of me neked, I wouldn't be too pleased.

I'm just discussing, not telling anyone else. I like discussing, and didn't mean to appear overly personal and certainly personally critical. I can see how I was interpreted this way, though.

Yeah, I totally see your point.

heidi w.

adiapalic
March 13th, 2009, 03:57 PM
Wow, I didn't know the post had progressed to questioning the credibility of the OP. he's talking about hair. I've seen posts (granted in off-topic) on this site that have nothing to do with hair. What more does there need to be?

My question would be--who wouldn't come to a hair site to ask advice involving floor-length hair, whether it be his or his SO? He's also expressed a genuine interest in growing out his own hair.

Not only has he shown sincerity in expressing the issue, but he also didn't delve into any irrelevant or extremely personal information regarding their relationship (which X's out any perverted stuff.)

As it has been said before by others--it seems there has been some decent dialogue about this between him and his SO, not to mention the fact that he is committed and interested enough to come here for suggestions/support/help in regards to what he should do.

I think speculating lies/dishonesty concerning the OP of this particular post is irrelevant and a waste, because others reading can gain benefits from the great suggestions that have been made.

heidi w.
March 13th, 2009, 04:28 PM
The original poster hasn't responded that I can find. I wonder that he and his wife are in another country.

One possibility is to consider long hair competitions, although they don't usually win one much other than some bottle of shampoo that you'll never use (at least the one competition I was in, that's what I won!) Some other countries have these, unlike the US where long hair is not valued as much.

I tend to agree with Lady Godiva's point. My initial response in this thread focused on the updo part, and washing.....and a touch on the detangling. That if this woman is doing ALL the work, then that's not that fun if the ONLY reason for such length is his happiness.

But if he IS assisting in a meaningful way, and she still is done with it, then there it is. I would still suggest cutting in stages, though, because she may find a length more suitable. We name this length of comfort.

And I entirely agree with Lady Godiva that when one has floor length hair they've worn long hair a long time. So you know by then if it's really a thing you can handle.

Floor length hair is absolutely NOT for everyone, even those who are enthusiastic about longer lengths than any "norm" (I mean those quotes!).


I would definitely keep a photo around. And not some photo in a mirror thing. But a nicely lit photo for the sake of posterity. Nicely dressed, hair showing in all its glory, nice backdrop, nice lighting on the hair to illuminate its hues....It's nice to have some kind of keepsake like this.

heidi w.

Caldonia Sun
March 13th, 2009, 04:34 PM
I have not read through all the posts, and this has probably been opined already, but personally, I can't imagine my husband going on a site to find ways to encourage me to do anything I didn't want to do. Seems to me that floor length hair would take extra special care and someone would really have to want to expend the time and energy for that care. For someone who lost interest, that would be a burden.

kdaniels8811
March 13th, 2009, 04:47 PM
I am still waiting to see the wife chime in with her thoughts...

angelthadiva
March 13th, 2009, 05:50 PM
I have not read through all the posts, and this has probably been opined already, but personally, I can't imagine my husband going on a site to find ways to encourage me to do anything I didn't want to do. Seems to me that floor length hair would take extra special care and someone would really have to want to expend the time and energy for that care. For someone who lost interest, that would be a burden.

Hello! ^5, Caldonia, my thoughts exactly! However, I have read the posts (avoiding a paper I have to finish...erm, well, start).

If this IS true, it sounds like they have been together for a long time...SO, he should know his DW by now--Coming here to be able to relate/convince/encourage anyone to do anything is looking to the wrong source.

I was going through a "I wanna do a major chop" phase a few years ago, DH had a fit--I handed him the blow fryer and flat iron and told him to get to work then...From time to time, he'd lend a hand with the drying--I don't trust him with the flat iron ;) Again, this was pre-LHC. I keep it long because he likes it, but I keep it this long because I like it. I wanted to add from time to time, I will have him detangle and even braid for me--Anything more complicated than that is too complex for him--Which is fine by me, a braid is my "go to" style anyway.

It is a lot of work to maintain that length of hair--I think we can all agree on that--I don't see why he can't/doesn't help out with it...I think of my hair as my 5th child. :D

Still waiting too see OP hair care routine and goals. :drama:

Beatnik Guy
March 13th, 2009, 05:57 PM
What does Vaylemar stand to gain by posting this if it isn't true?
Oh, you'd be surprised what motivates some people. Attention is sometimes enough. And, yeah, people get off on all sorts of things. :rolleyes:

I'm not saying Vaylemar's telling the truth or not, but what has raised some eyebrows is that we don't know him at all -- and his only posts since joining a few days ago are in this thread. :shrug:

justgreen
March 13th, 2009, 05:59 PM
Oh, you'd be surprised what motivates some people. Attention is sometimes enough. And, yeah, people get off on all sorts of things. :rolleyes:

I'm not saying Vaylemar's telling the truth or not, but what has raised some eyebrows is that we don't know him at all -- and his only posts since joining a few days ago are in this thread. :shrug:


Perzactly! :agree:

Darkhorse1
March 13th, 2009, 06:54 PM
That was my thinking to Beatnik Guy.

Nat242
March 13th, 2009, 08:51 PM
OP - so, if I read you correctly, you're asking for advice on how to dissuade your partner from doing something she really wants to do. You're already holding her back from doing it.

It sounds to me like she wants to cut her hair because she wants a change (and I suspect this is the reason, given that she wants to cut her hair in one dramatic swoop, rather than trims here and there).

This being the case, I'm not going to give you advice on how to dissuade her from this. My advice to you is to tell her you'll miss her long hair but you'll still love her, still find her beautiful and attractive, and she has your blessing to do what makes her happy.

Vaylemar
March 13th, 2009, 09:24 PM
Wow, I'm a bit taken aback by many of these replies. I never thought that my inquiry would stir up such a hornet's nest of arguments.

First of all, this is in fact "The Long Hair Community", so I thought, what better place to ask for opinions? I mean, an actual community devoted to the beauty of super-long hair should be a good bet, right? Maybe they'll understand the sadness I face by seeing someone who has hair longer than almost anyone want to chop it to her ears with no compromise? I guess I was wrong.

Secondly, I've said multiple times that she is free to do what she wants, when she wants. I cannot help the fact that I LIKE her hair, and wish she would keep it that way for the rest of her life. It is what I LIKE, and I cannot change that. I am not a fan of short hair on anyone, really. I just don't like it or find it attractive. It's the same kind of thing as being heterosexual, I can't HELP IT, it's just what I am. What I find beautiful is what I find beautiful, and It's not something I can freely choose.

To be honesty, I am amazed by the outward hostility alot of you have shown me in this thread. Some of the replies have me sitting here with my mouth gaping open in shock. For instance --

- People criticizing me for wanting my wife to keep her long hair.
- People criticizing me for posting about my wife's hair on a message board about hair?!
- People questioning my sincerity and suggesting that this whole thread is a hoax because "I only joined a few days ago and this is the only thread I posted in" or that I'm looking for attention?

I mean, really? Are you guys really that paranoid and skeptical of newcomers to your community? Wow, just.... wow.

I posted a simple question about renewing someone's interest in hair hoping to get a generally warm welcome and some answers. Instead I was outwardly chastised and ridiculed by a lot of you. To those of you who did in fact offer me welcome and suggestions, however, I thank you for your replies and input.

To the rest of you, I'm sorry that I wasted your time. Never in my life did I expect people devoted to beauty in one of its rarest forms to be so hostile to "outsiders". I think I made a big mistake by signing up here, so I'm just going to go now.

ilovelonghair
March 13th, 2009, 09:51 PM
Secondly, I've said multiple times that she is free to do what she wants, when she wants. I cannot help the fact that I LIKE her hair, and wish she would keep it that way for the rest of her life. It is what I LIKE, and I cannot change that. I am not a fan of short hair on anyone, really. I just don't like it or find it attractive. It's the same kind of thing as being heterosexual, I can't HELP IT, it's just what I am. What I find beautiful is what I find beautiful, and It's not something I can freely choose.


If it's a metter of taste, then indeed it's not something you can choose. It's basically just the same as if you'd only fall for dark hair, or blue eyes or a certain personality.
I think people got upset in this thread because there have been many such treads before and sometimes these treads were a bit suspicious.

angelthadiva
March 13th, 2009, 10:08 PM
I guess what you must not be understanding yet is that most people join TLHC to work on their OWN hair goals, to learn methods on how to grow healthy hair themselves...

People have asked you direct answers that you still have not answered, me included...And you wonder why we are skeptical. And just to be clear skepticism and hostility are not the same thing.

You said:
I posted a simple question about renewing someone's interest in hair hoping to get a generally warm welcome and some answers. Instead I was outwardly chastised and ridiculed by a lot of you. To those of you who did in fact offer me welcome and suggestions, however, I thank you for your replies and input.

To the rest of you, I'm sorry that I wasted your time. Never in my life did I expect people devoted to beauty in one of its rarest forms to be so hostile to "outsiders". I think I made a big mistake by signing up here, so I'm just going to go now.

Unfortunately we know more about your wife than we do about you, and she's not a member here you are...That's all I'm saying.

Alun
March 13th, 2009, 11:03 PM
Oh, you'd be surprised what motivates some people. Attention is sometimes enough. And, yeah, people get off on all sorts of things. :rolleyes:

I'm not saying Vaylemar's telling the truth or not, but what has raised some eyebrows is that we don't know him at all -- and his only posts since joining a few days ago are in this thread. :shrug:

It also crossed my mind that he only spoke about his own hair after someone else mentionned it first, and after it was said that men growing their own hair were more welcome than short haired men.

He could fix that by posting a picture of himself.

Alun
March 13th, 2009, 11:10 PM
Wow, I'm a bit taken aback by many of these replies. I never thought that my inquiry would stir up such a hornet's nest of arguments.

First of all, this is in fact "The Long Hair Community", so I thought, what better place to ask for opinions? I mean, an actual community devoted to the beauty of super-long hair should be a good bet, right? Maybe they'll understand the sadness I face by seeing someone who has hair longer than almost anyone want to chop it to her ears with no compromise? I guess I was wrong.

Secondly, I've said multiple times that she is free to do what she wants, when she wants. I cannot help the fact that I LIKE her hair, and wish she would keep it that way for the rest of her life. It is what I LIKE, and I cannot change that. I am not a fan of short hair on anyone, really. I just don't like it or find it attractive. It's the same kind of thing as being heterosexual, I can't HELP IT, it's just what I am. What I find beautiful is what I find beautiful, and It's not something I can freely choose.

To be honesty, I am amazed by the outward hostility alot of you have shown me in this thread. Some of the replies have me sitting here with my mouth gaping open in shock. For instance --

- People criticizing me for wanting my wife to keep her long hair.
- People criticizing me for posting about my wife's hair on a message board about hair?!
- People questioning my sincerity and suggesting that this whole thread is a hoax because "I only joined a few days ago and this is the only thread I posted in" or that I'm looking for attention?

I mean, really? Are you guys really that paranoid and skeptical of newcomers to your community? Wow, just.... wow.

I posted a simple question about renewing someone's interest in hair hoping to get a generally warm welcome and some answers. Instead I was outwardly chastised and ridiculed by a lot of you. To those of you who did in fact offer me welcome and suggestions, however, I thank you for your replies and input.

To the rest of you, I'm sorry that I wasted your time. Never in my life did I expect people devoted to beauty in one of its rarest forms to be so hostile to "outsiders". I think I made a big mistake by signing up here, so I'm just going to go now.

It's OK, calm down a little. There are some strange people out there, and the ladies get a little bit worried you might be one of them.

It's also a fact that it isn't the ethos of this site to convert the whole world to long hair or pressure anyone to do anything they don't want to do. A lot of members have had pressure to cut their hair, and they view pressure to grow hair as just being the other side of the same coin.

heidi w.
March 13th, 2009, 11:43 PM
Oh, you'd be surprised what motivates some people. Attention is sometimes enough. And, yeah, people get off on all sorts of things. :rolleyes:

I'm not saying Vaylemar's telling the truth or not, but what has raised some eyebrows is that we don't know him at all -- and his only posts since joining a few days ago are in this thread. :shrug:

I've often thought it's a pretty easy way to see really nice hair without looking through the membership list!

heidi w.

Roseate
March 13th, 2009, 11:51 PM
I mean, really? Are you guys really that paranoid and skeptical of newcomers to your community?

We are a little skeptical about male newcomers who do not post any pictures of themselves, and who mostly want to talk about someone else's hair.

This is not because we are "paranoid", it is because there are plenty of f#tishists out there who come around just to get a thrill out of talking to long-haired women. So many that if I didn't # out that e, this page would come up in a search for "long hair f###sh", and we'd have a bunch more unwelcome gawkers.

I've seen several of the threads started by this kind of person just in the short time I've been here. Usually our mods squelch them fast, but it's not hard to see how folks who've been around here for a while could get a little suspicious.

The internet: it can be icky. Sorry you got some of the backlash from the ick. If you stick to talking about your own hair, and let your wife come talk about hers if she wants, everyone will be very happy to welcome you.:flowers:

adiapalic
March 14th, 2009, 12:20 AM
We are a little skeptical about male newcomers who do not post any pictures of themselves, and who mostly want to talk about someone else's hair.

This is not because we are "paranoid", it is because there are plenty of f#tishists out there who come around just to get a thrill out of talking to long-haired women. So many that if I didn't # out that e, this page would come up in a search for "long hair f###sh", and we'd have a bunch more unwelcome gawkers.

I've seen several of the threads started by this kind of person just in the short time I've been here. Usually our mods squelch them fast, but it's not hard to see how folks who've been around here for a while could get a little suspicious.

The internet: it can be icky. Sorry you got some of the backlash from the ick. If you stick to talking about your own hair, and let your wife come talk about hers if she wants, everyone will be very happy to welcome you.:flowers:

ehem... you know. This actually didn't cross my mind when I first read the title of the page--the whole f#tish thing....but it should have. I think it kind of makes sense..... :o

Alun
March 14th, 2009, 02:24 AM
Now if he posted a pix of me neked, I wouldn't be too pleased.



I'm not sure if that's a quote from Heidi W or from Darkhorse1?

Long ago I rented a room, and my landlord had this photo album that he showed everyone and that included a picture of his wife 'neked' on the rug in the living room! She left him not long after. Not sure why, but I doubt if it was just because of that, LOL! There again ...

eadwine
March 14th, 2009, 07:55 AM
Personally I am not amazed by his response to all that has been said.

Being new and getting welcomed in this way by some would have been enough to let me leave as well had that happened to me in his shoes. He asked valid questions. And maybe his wife doesn't WANT to join, and considering what just happened to him, if she didn't know about the site yet I doubt he will tell his wife about it now.

I find this a sad development really. :(

rach
March 14th, 2009, 08:18 AM
To the rest of you, I'm sorry that I wasted your time. Never in my life did I expect people devoted to beauty in one of its rarest forms to be so hostile to "outsiders". I think I made a big mistake by signing up here, so I'm just going to go now.
:( it's a shame to see this

Melisande
March 14th, 2009, 10:11 AM
Rach and Eadwine, you are very nice to the OP, nicer than I probably am.

When I saw the title of the thread, I felt a little worried already. I've been long enough around here to feel a bit suspicious when I see a man posting about a woman's hair... his wife's in this case.

I think the questions asked here were legitimate. What about his own hair? why didn't he tell his wife about the site - it might re-kindle her interest? Wouldn't his wife feel uncomfortable knowing that her husband posted here, initiating a discussion about her, her hair, her wishes? What are her routines? Does he help?

I think none of these questions is hostile, it is just natural to ask these questions. The mere fact that the OP sees these questions as hostile raises serious question marks in my mind. Everybody went out of his way to be nice and lace their answers with personal experience and advice and invitations to his wife and himself.

It's a sad fact that many of us, long haired women on the Internet, have been exposed to weird mails and strange things...Nobody accused to OP of being such a weirdo but it was mentioned in order to explain why some of us are a bit suspicious.

For me, the last straw is his flounce. I don't like people who come to the boards, obviously don't look around much, demand information, feel insulted when people raise a bit more critical questions, stay only in their own thread, and then flounce. I've seen it a number of times here, and I don't like it.

TLHC is a really nice community. The advice and help I had here and over at the German board have taught me so much, have changed my life in many ways (nutritional supplements have turned my health around! thank you, Igor!) and I feel it really shows a lack of respect to behave the way the OP has done.

He has only voiced demands and complaints, didn't answer questions. And now he flounced.

I hate this kind of interactions. When I saw the thread title I feared that this would happen. I'm sorry it did but I don't think it's anybody's mistake but the OP's. Everybody in this thread showed more respect to the OP than he did in return.

adiapalic
March 14th, 2009, 10:18 AM
Personally I am not amazed by his response to all that has been said.

Being new and getting welcomed in this way by some would have been enough to let me leave as well had that happened to me in his shoes. He asked valid questions. And maybe his wife doesn't WANT to join, and considering what just happened to him, if she didn't know about the site yet I doubt he will tell his wife about it now.

I find this a sad development really. :(

I second that.

Red Rapunzel
March 14th, 2009, 10:22 AM
Hello all,

My wife has had her hair super-long the entire time we've been together. When I met her it was below her waist, and after all these years it has grown to more or less drag on the floor behind her if she isn't wearing shoes. She knows how much I love it, but is really tired of it and wants to cut it all off. And I do mean ALL off. Total short hairstyle, and basically that extreme &quot;just for a change&quot; in her words.

Browsing these forums I see how many of you have such wonderful hair, and for the most part are vehemently against cutting it. Yet, on the other hand, my wife has hair longer than almost anybody, and has taken it for granted and only keeps it this way for my sake.

I can't force her to keep her hair in a way that displeases her, and I have given her my &quot;permission&quot; (not that she needs it because she doesn't, I don't control her) to cut it, but she can't bring herself to do it without my blessing and knowing how much I still want her to have it.

My question to all of you -- Is there any possible way to renew somebody's interest in keeping ultra-long hair? I almost fell out of my chair when I read the &quot;please your man&quot; thread because all of you are the EXACT opposite of my wife. What I wouldn't give for her to love her hair again like all of you do. Is there any hope? Anything at all I can do to renew her interest? I dread the day when she finally destroys all that she's accomplished.


Oh, and on a related note, due to a change of careers I'm able to grow my hair out again and will be doing so. Are there many men on this forum, or am I not really welcome?

Thanks all!

Valeymar, I suggest you have your wife view the longhair videos on YouTube done by Torrinpaige - especially the one about Elizabethan hair taping. Your wife could get the feel of having short hair by doing the Elizabethan hair taping that Torrin presents and your wife could keep it in that style for days or weeks without any more fuss. Her hair in that style would not feel heavy on her head and she could feel like it was truly gone. If she still wanted to cut, I agree with others that cutting it back first to more manageable lengths such as waist would be advisable. Little by little she could go shorter. If her mind is made up, you really can't change it - just make suggestions such as the above. You could offer to help her manage her long hair by brushing it for her etc. Good luck!

Kerynna
March 14th, 2009, 11:01 AM
Those of you who are suspicious of the OP, ask yourselves: if the OP had been a woman asking about her husband's hair, would you have reacted the same way?

Anytime someone has a unique approach to something, who doesn't fit into the 'norm', they are immediately the object of suspicion by many people (not just here, but in general). I think that's a shame.

Evie
March 14th, 2009, 11:09 AM
Those of you who are suspicious of the OP, ask yourselves: if the OP had been a woman asking about her husband's hair, would you have reacted the same way?

Anytime someone has a unique approach to something, who doesn't fit into the 'norm', they are immediately the object of suspicion by many people (not just here, but in general). I think that's a shame.

I've lurked in this thread, and not posted yet, because having never had hair that long, I did not feel I could help the OP much.

However, Kerynna I think this is a very interesting question - whilst I did not automatically feel suspicious about the OP's motives, and was surprised at some of the comments, I did feel it was a little odd that he did not wish to come back and almost share some info...and then read all of the posts and I admit I did start to wonder if I'd been a little naive in my assuming the best.....so, would it have been different if it had been a woman?

Well, I have to admit maybe, I'm being totally honest about that, so I hope no-one jumps down my throat, and I can't say I'm happy with myself that I came to this conclusion. I think you've asked a very important question here, and one I'll have to remember next time I find myself starting to question why someone did something, or try to guess their motives... I really will try to remember this for the future, and I agree with you, it is a shame.

Fluke
March 14th, 2009, 11:12 AM
It's a simple matter of statistics, after all. The kind of people we tend to be on the lookout for here are usually men. It's ugly, but it's true.

FreakyGreenEyes
March 14th, 2009, 11:27 AM
I think none of these questions is hostile, it is just natural to ask these questions. The mere fact that the OP sees these questions as hostile raises serious question marks in my mind. Everybody went out of his way to be nice and lace their answers with personal experience and advice and invitations to his wife and himself.

I have to agree with Melisande. While I don't condone undue suspicion - I think his behavior after all of the questions directed at him (some polite, and some a little aggressive) does raise an eyebrow.

Phalaenopsis
March 14th, 2009, 11:53 AM
Personally I am not amazed by his response to all that has been said.

Being new and getting welcomed in this way by some would have been enough to let me leave as well had that happened to me in his shoes. He asked valid questions. And maybe his wife doesn't WANT to join, and considering what just happened to him, if she didn't know about the site yet I doubt he will tell his wife about it now.

I find this a sad development really. :(

I agree.
It could be an European thing, but I've noticed that some Americans are quickly stepped on their toes. It even scares me sometimes. Sometimes I feel like everything has to be really politically correct and that you have to watch every word or there will be consequences (banned from the board, or in real life getting sued or something, I don't know)
This man truely seemed sincere to me. And indeed, if it was a woman asking the same thing about her husband, the responses would be totally different.

This is the first time I dare to argue on the boards, because I'm always so afraid for the responses. But after all this time it's really getting to me.

I just mean, can't we all loosen up a bit? :flower:

Teacherbear
March 14th, 2009, 12:01 PM
I think it is time for a (at least temporary) closure to this thread. The moderators will discuss if reopening this thread is to the benefit of the community. You'll know our decision based on whether the thread stays closed or is reopened.

I'd also like to remind the members that there is a Report Post function on each post. It the the little R under the poster's name. If you find a thread, post, poster whom you think is a problem PLEASE report the post. Fill in the dialogue box and tell us why. The moderators get notification immediately of the report. We research the situation and take action (immediately, sometimes and other times we choose to take no action).

If you see a post, thread, poster whom you think is a problem, use the Report Post funciton. After reporting, please refrain from diving into the fray.