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View Full Version : Having a really hard time after decision to chop



kschr2004
March 8th, 2009, 02:36 PM
So, about 5 weeks ago, I got really sick of my long hair because it had gotten so heavy and hard to handle (almost waist length). I was finding it everywhere in my apartment, I could never wear it down, etc. So after much thought, I decided to go ahead and donate 8 inches to Pantene Beautiful Lengths.

Anyway, the stylist cut almost 13 inches off, instead of the 8 inches needed plus the extra couple of inches I was expecting she would need to cut to even up. It was back to shoulder length. And, I also decided to highlight at the same time. Needless to say, even though I thought about this beforehand, I was in tears within a couple of days.

5 weeks later, the beginning of the growout of the cut was not looking good. One side had a slight fringe, and the other side, not at all. I stupidly decided to try to even it up myself today, and I just had to go to another hairstylist to fix it. She was very nice, and gave me a cut that she said will grow out gracefully without a lot of cutting, but needless to say, now my sides are even shorter than before.

I didn't think I'd have such a hard time with this. After all, it's not like I had waist length hair for years, but I was growing my hair for about 2 1/2 years from APL before this. I have been crying most of the afternoon about it. Any advice? After the first cut I could at least pull it back, but now the sides are too short to do that, so it's going to be hard to put it back and forget about it, in order to grow it.

BTW, my friends think I'm overreacting to this, which is not helping at all. I know it's only hair, but it's a big change and I guess I'm just not handling it very well.

Kimberly

kam984420
March 8th, 2009, 02:47 PM
Im sorry to hear about your devastating cut. That's awful!

BellaB
March 8th, 2009, 02:52 PM
Oh feel better :) You just did an amazing unselfish thing for someone else! *bows down* That is my goal for the growing out process :)

I'm sorry you had to go to the evil hairdressers for the chop, they always seem to do what they think is best.. even if that means losing 13" instead of 8" :(

What I do when I've previously gotten a "yikes!" haircut is just throw it up in a ponytail, out of sight out of mind! If all the pieces don't fit just pin them back, Whenever I leave my hair up it seems that it grows so fast! (I know it doesn't, I just don't see it for a while so it seems as though it does) :D

I hope you feel better soon, just keep patting yourself on the back thinking of the kind deed you've just done!

LutraLutra
March 8th, 2009, 02:53 PM
I'm so, so sorry your cut didn't work out for you. We all know it's "only" hair, and it'll grow back etc etc but it still sucks. I'm sure you look really pretty with your hair the way it is now, and you'll have really healthy hair to grow long again. :grouphug:

Carolyn
March 8th, 2009, 03:19 PM
I'm sorry you are having such a hard time. It sucks to hate your hair. The only thing to do is suck it up and grow it out and learn from your mistakes. I've done it. A lot of us have done the same thing. You have a lot of company :grouphug: It doesn't help to have unsympathetic friends. Try not to talk to them about your hair and how much you hate it. It doesn't help to have your feelings poo-pooed. It's not "just"hair. It was a part of you. The good thing is that it will grow back. You never have to cut it again unless you want to.

Get some headbands or little clippies to help with the shorter side pieced until they grow longer. It will get better. Trust me.

jera
March 8th, 2009, 03:26 PM
I'm so sorry this happened to you. :( I'd be upset too. I guess all you can do is grow your hair back with the support of everyone here, and never let the same thing happen to yourself again.

enfys
March 8th, 2009, 03:37 PM
Get some pretty alice bands to wear to hold the shorter bits back, that's what I did growing out my fringe. Otherwise I'd have shaved it off by now.
Just take loads of vitamins and good diet to help it grow back.

At least you donated it to what I think is a genuinely good cause, where it will do some good.

We will give all the sympathy you need.

PrliamntofRooks
March 8th, 2009, 03:41 PM
Sorry that this happened. I did the same thing about a year and a half ago (Nov 2007). I just tried to remind myself that it takes me about 3 yrs to go from shoulder to waist and otherwise try not to think about it. I agree with the pp that suggested utilizing ponies or whatever else will keep your mind off it, and to try to find things that are positive about the length you have right now--it take less time to dry, it isn't as heavy, etc.

MsBubbles
March 8th, 2009, 03:43 PM
Well this is the place to come to rant where people understand and won't accuse you of overreacting!

I'm so sorry to hear of your hair troubles. Try to enjoy the light/airy-ness of having shorter hair while you're there, and maybe it'll help pass the time until you're back at waist. It usually helps me to get involved pretty heavily in some other short- to medium-term project (aggressively coming up with money for something/myself or some sort of marathon training, etc.). It looks like you're genetically blessed with lovely thick, strong hair. Hang in there, I hope you feel better soon, it's ok to go ahead and grieve your hair loss, and feel free to lament here!:flower:

kschr2004
March 8th, 2009, 03:47 PM
Thanks everyone. I think the most frustrating part, which I was trying to explain to one of my friends, is that I am very low maintenance with my hair. So, once it was cut, I started having to do things with it again, such as blow drying, curling, to get it to look ok.

The cut I got today, I think will be better, because I can let it dry naturally. Which will be more conducive to growing it back out.

As an aside, oOn the less time to dry, even at this length it still take about an hour to an hour and a half to air dry, because I have so much of it. So you can imagine that at about waist it took almost all day to dry. :eek:

kam984420
March 8th, 2009, 04:07 PM
Thanks everyone. I think the most frustrating part, which I was trying to explain to one of my friends, is that I am very low maintenance with my hair. So, once it was cut, I started having to do things with it again, such as blow drying, curling, to get it to look ok.

The cut I got today, I think will be better, because I can let it dry naturally. Which will be more conducive to growing it back out.

As an aside, oOn the less time to dry, even at this length it still take about an hour to an hour and a half to air dry, because I have so much of it. So you can imagine that at about waist it took almost all day to dry. :eek:


How long are you going to let it get now? What's your goal length? BSL? Waist?

kschr2004
March 8th, 2009, 04:10 PM
This time I am thinking to go no longer than BSL. It is way too hard to handle at waist. That's why my mom always ended up having it chopped off when I was a kid, because it's just unmanageable after a certain length. And I don't have the patience for high maintenance hair, short or long...

kam984420
March 8th, 2009, 04:14 PM
This time I am thinking to go no longer than BSL. It is way too hard to handle at waist. That's why my mom always ended up having it chopped off when I was a kid, because it's just unmanageable after a certain length. And I don't have the patience for high maintenance hair, short or long...

Only reason i asked is because i liked your avatar you had with your hair down to your waist. Long hair makes you look younger if you ask me :):cheese:

kschr2004
March 8th, 2009, 04:19 PM
Long hair makes you look younger if you ask me

The only good thing I can actually say about my first cut is that I have been carded for alcohol twice in the last month. Given that I hadn't been carded in a few years, and I'm 37, maybe the new cut did make me look younger...I don't know. It could also have been the highlights. :)

kam984420
March 8th, 2009, 04:35 PM
The only good thing I can actually say about my first cut is that I have been carded for alcohol twice in the last month. Given that I hadn't been carded in a few years, and I'm 37, maybe the new cut did make me look younger...I don't know. It could also have been the highlights. :)


From the back with your long hair i would of guessed you were still late 20s. You don't look 37 at all.

Blueneko
March 8th, 2009, 04:37 PM
Shoulder length is truly one of the hardest lengths. Put it up for 6 months and find a hobby! It is the long haul, and no, you are not overreacting. Your friends just don't get it.

Think of how healthy it will be and you get to go on a hair journey again. It will grow!!! Be strong.

Firefly
March 8th, 2009, 04:48 PM
Yes indeed, I have been right where you are! I'm sorry you're going through it. The best advice I have is to learn a couple of flattering updo's, wear your hair that way and try to forget about it for a while. Please try NOT to damage it by heat styling/dying... unfortunately I did that during that awful in-between stage, and I am paying for it now. So, just try to hang in there and not think about it too much, baby your hair, and before you know it you'll be reaching your goal. Good luck to you!

Firefly

Coriander
March 8th, 2009, 05:13 PM
You don't have to worry about us thinking "it's only hair" - you are devastated, and it's perfectly understandable. :grouphug:

Perhaps try some new sparkly barrettes to keep the ticklers out of your face while you grow out.

And, as people have already commented, you gave a huge part of yourself and your heart to a wonderful cause. I think that is fantastic.

:flower:

Delila
March 8th, 2009, 05:50 PM
I'm sorry things didn't work out as you were expecting, that sort of thing can come as such a jolt.

I just thought I'd mention that maybe this time, as you're growing it out, you could plan to have some really long layers to keep the weight from bugging you so much, and keep them, as you continue to grow. Maybe see if you can find a stylist who can work with you, as you grow it out. That's the only thing that saved me as I was growing out my bangs.

CopperHead
March 8th, 2009, 06:14 PM
Boy, have I been there. Maybe you can treat yourself to some very nice deep treatments and other hair care items and baby the heck out of it. If you are actively involved in growing out, it will get there before you know it. Just keep your goals in mind and know you will be there in time. :)

spidermom
March 8th, 2009, 06:49 PM
I've done things like that so many times. Try to focus on the fun/pretty things you can do with your hair now. Every length has its advantages, I think.

s_tresses
March 8th, 2009, 10:56 PM
Well that confirms my suspicion that hair dressers are evil. No, i don't think you are over reacting but enjoy your hair while its short because its gonna grow long again. :) At least now you KNOW you like your hair longer and also know the value of it.

Nevermore
March 8th, 2009, 11:02 PM
You could try wearing a pretty scarf over your hair, either covering it totally or using it as a headband with long tails. I know several stores have really pretty scarfs for this right now, like Target or Claire's.

kschr2004
March 13th, 2009, 11:28 PM
So today I got my appreciation letter from the Pantene Beautiful Lengths campaign. I have to say, that getting the letter and knowing they received my ponytail to make into a wig for women with cancer has definitely helped my mood. :) And, I am liking that my new short hair is working well as a wash and wear style.

Thanks to everyone for the tips and understanding.

SimplyLonghair
March 14th, 2009, 12:12 AM
So today I got my appreciation letter from the Pantene Beautiful Lengths campaign. I have to say, that getting the letter and knowing they received my ponytail to make into a wig for women with cancer has definitely helped my mood. :) And, I am liking that my new short hair is working well as a wash and wear style.

Thanks to everyone for the tips and understanding.
I am glad that you are feeling better about your cut. I know what you mean about a wash and wear style, that "is" why I keep my hair long, my hair is anything but wash and wear when it is short. Good luck in your new style and in growing it back out. :thumbsup:

spf4214
March 14th, 2009, 05:15 AM
I'm glad that you are feeling better about it, and that it is easy to style.

LisaS.
March 14th, 2009, 05:22 AM
I am so sorry! Been there, done that so I feel your pain. Just remember, it will grow back over time. Try to style it different ways, use headbands, barrettes, etc. to keep yourself from being bored with your new length. Best wishes and keep us posted.

embee
March 14th, 2009, 06:23 AM
Sorry you're so disappointed with your donation chop. Keep your chin up - it is hair, it will grow. Clips will help to keep the short parts back. Be happy it's not something permanent you've done to yourself!

Misha
March 14th, 2009, 07:06 AM
Hi kschr2004,

You've done an amazing and selfless thing by donating your hair :bowtome: , now someone else will experience lots of joy from your gift :cloud9: .

I'm glad for you that you are feeling better about your cut. As already said, there are advantages at every length. And just think - a year from now it will feel much longer at at least APL, heading to BSL !

Red Rapunzel
March 14th, 2009, 10:37 AM
Kimberly: I agree with wearing your hair up even if you have to clip it up. That way the much shorter length won't be so noticeable. You could also get a long-hair wig just to perk up your spirits. Wigs can be great fun once you get over your fear of others knowing you're wearing a wig. Think of wigs as like articles of clothing. You could go around, having great fun in a long-haired wig and even wear that hair up until your chopped hair is longer. You could get the wig in your hair color or something drastically different. Get whimsical!! Red Rapunzel

Pixna
March 14th, 2009, 12:56 PM
I'm so very sorry that happened to you!!! I'm growing out, too, and there are quite a few of us here who are far shorter than we'd like to be, so you are in good company. It's quite a shock, though -- I think a lot of folks who have never had long hair don't understand the psychological impact of having it cut, especially when it ends up shorter than you ever intended.

I'm glad you are feeling a bit better and that your donation was acknowledged and appreciated. Keep finding good things about your current length, and before you know it, it will long again. We know it's not "just hair," and that it's important to you (and to all of us at LHC).

(((((Hugs))))))