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GlennaGirl
March 6th, 2009, 07:27 PM
Gaaah. Somebody talk me off the ledge.

I've been fighting with my naturally stringy, body-less cut-in bangs for many months now, trying to get them to look trendy. No matter what I do to them, they end up just lying there...or if I separate them out a little, they look like odd little strings across my forehead. Maybe because my hair's so dark right now?

So I'm thinking of just growing my bangs out again. I have it all back in a half-up for that bit of poof that I need (because I have a big face and a small front-of-the-skull...don't laugh...I look like I'm all face) and my bangs just all disappear into it.

I'm comfortable this way. Nothing to bother with, nothing brushing my eyelashes irritatingly or anything like that. But is this...okay? Yes. I know it's okay...I just want to hear other people say it's okay. Because I'm sorta having a self-esteem crisis over here (nothing any too new). I'd LOVE to just give up on stupid "styles", accept that my hair just all wants to be one length with no messing, and wear it in half-ups plus whatever else (bun, pony, braid). I realize that's not in style. It probably never will be. I'm getting older. I'm supposed to have some sort of "style" so as not to look like a WalMart refugee.

Is it okay, is it really okay not to have an official "style" over 40? I won't look like I'm trying too hard to look young...or like I'm not trying at all? Somebody just...talk to me.

Getting older isn't usually tough for me, but today it is.

Thanks and hugs.

Magdalene
March 6th, 2009, 07:31 PM
Long hair is your official style! Relax and enjoy it!

KnightsLady
March 6th, 2009, 07:53 PM
Gaaah. Somebody talk me off the ledge.

I've been fighting with my naturally stringy, body-less cut-in bangs for many months now, trying to get them to look trendy. No matter what I do to them, they end up just lying there...or if I separate them out a little, they look like odd little strings across my forehead. Maybe because my hair's so dark right now?

So I'm thinking of just growing my bangs out again. I have it all back in a half-up for that bit of poof that I need (because I have a big face and a small front-of-the-skull...don't laugh...I look like I'm all face) and my bangs just all disappear into it.

I'm comfortable this way. Nothing to bother with, nothing brushing my eyelashes irritatingly or anything like that. But is this...okay? Yes. I know it's okay...I just want to hear other people say it's okay. Because I'm sorta having a self-esteem crisis over here (nothing any too new). I'd LOVE to just give up on stupid "styles", accept that my hair just all wants to be one length with no messing, and wear it in half-ups plus whatever else (bun, pony, braid). I realize that's not in style. It probably never will be. I'm getting older. I'm supposed to have some sort of "style" so as not to look like a WalMart refugee.

Is it okay, is it really okay not to have an official "style" over 40? I won't look like I'm trying too hard to look young...or like I'm not trying at all? Somebody just...talk to me.

Getting older isn't usually tough for me, but today it is.

Thanks and hugs.

Yeah, it's ok! .....err, sorry, what was the question??

Seriously though, one of the benefits of getting older is realising that you can do what makes you happy rather than trying to keep up with the fashionistas, after all who started the fashion anyway? Probably someone just going their own way, who inspired others to do the same. Be a trend setter, rather than just following the crowd. Doing what makes you feel comfortable will also make you look beautiful.

I've finally got to a place where I'm comfortable just letting my hair grow and do it's own thing. Surprisingly I also get more compliments on my appearance now than I ever did when I was younger and trying hard to modify my appearance to fit in with fashion. It took me a long time to decide to grow my fringe (bangs) out, and I've not returned to them since. All one length always looks better to me.

Omens
March 6th, 2009, 08:07 PM
I'm not really a 'style' person, myself. I have fairtale ends because I haven't cut in forever, I have grown out layers, so it's all everywhere. But I like it because I think it suits me. I'd say don't concentrate on trying to be trendy---that's not going to make you happy. Do what you personally prefer.

To be really honest, I think people who just let their hair do as it pleases always have the prettiest hair (main reason I stopped cutting mine all of the time). I know women over forty who get their hair cut into the latest fashion every few months, and though it does look great, I always find myself preferring those who go natural---this coming from a 19 year old. My mom, who is 46, used to "style" her hair (she had bangs as well), and now that she's just letting it grow, I think it's much more beautiful.

My two cents :)

chelssix
March 6th, 2009, 08:08 PM
Keep your hair however you are comfortable with it. If you like it, then I think it's a style.

GlennaGirl
March 6th, 2009, 08:14 PM
Thanks so much, everybody. :)

Great food for thought.

Tangles
March 6th, 2009, 08:23 PM
Glenna, err on the side of being without a style. I've seen very few people who look better with heavily layered or styled hair, than with "normal" hair.

davidvs
March 6th, 2009, 11:55 PM
I doubt it will seem strange to anyone if you wear a half-up. Don't worry about that with your nice hair.

To me, at least, a half-up is like a little salt in a recipe: it always accentuates healthy hair by emphasizing the texture and shine.

It fits well in any weather or room temperature. Especially when doing errands in and out of stores in a colder climate, hair down can seem to warm when inside but hair full-up can be chilly when outside.

A half-up is often perceived as modest since, from the back, it does not draw the eye to the neck and shoulders in the way a full-up does.

Finally, as you note, it can be accentuated by a bun, pony tail, central braid, or side braids meeting in the center -- not to mention various clips, snoods, etc. Your family and co-workers need not see your hair the same each day just because the half-up works well for you.

LadyEliza
March 7th, 2009, 12:41 AM
Didn't you know? Once you hit 40 you can do what you want with your hair and no one can tell you otherwise.

If anyone says anything negative at all, you look at them and say "I *am* over 40, you know. You really can't tell me how to look".

or

"Yes, I actually choose to look this way!!! SURPRISE!!!"

heehee

Finoriel
March 7th, 2009, 05:46 AM
Hey, who said long hair without layers and bangs isnīt a style? :draw:
:wink:

Seriously, thereīs nothing wrong with having ones own style and liking other things than the big boring masses who all wear the same trendy "uniform"-haircut. If you want your hair all one length and enjoy to wear it in half ups, thatīs perfectly fine. Do what makes you feel good, if thatīs something else than the latest fashion says... :cool: so what.

Silverlox
March 7th, 2009, 06:17 AM
Welcome to mature adulthood!! :flower:

One of the greatest advantages is to be able to make your own fashion, instead of just following the rest of the flock. Especially if you have long hair, rarely a fashionable accessory simply because it takes too long to grow and the fashion has changes a dozen times or more while it's growing.:p

Anyway, as far as I understand, the most fashionable of all is to have your own style, setting you apart from the masses. At least that seems to be the "thing" of the most admired fashionistas.

I like to believe that this is true, if only because it's supposedly my only chance to ever be considered "fashionable".. Not that I care much, really, or else I'd probably be following trends. Which I don't. I love ignoring fashion trends, thus having a lot less "musts" in my life! :thumbsup:

I never cease to wonder why we voluntarily admit all kinds of "rules" into our lives. Isn't being a human hard enough already? Don't we have enough problem trying to get rid of the rules others try to impose on us? :rolleyes:

Anje
March 7th, 2009, 07:52 AM
Long hair is a style! It may go in and out of fashion, but like all styles, you're better off doing what flatters and pleases you rather than trying to keep up with the media's waffling ideas.

As far as the bangs go, I can sympathize about hair that gets stringy. Mine does too, and I think it's just a texture thing that some of us have. Now I prefer no bangs on 99% of people, including myself, so I'm not going to talk you out of growing them, but I'll admit to a serious bias.

GlennaGirl
March 7th, 2009, 08:27 AM
Thanks so much for all the kind words! I feel a thousand percent better about the whole issue now. (Is it possible to feel a thousand percent better? Wait, yeah, I think it is. That would be ten times better, right? Help. Somebody transport me back to fifth grade math.)

Thanks so, so much for the intelligent answers. I knew I could count on LHC. :)

steph in tx
March 7th, 2009, 09:38 AM
I needed this thread today. I am trying to decide what to do with bangs as well, and I must admit that my nearing 40 is one of the reasons. Except, my reasoning is backwards I guess, because I'm thinking that as a womon over 40 maybe bangs are a little too young for me. I suppose it's all in the perception. Food for thought, nevertheless.

DMARTINEZ
March 7th, 2009, 10:22 AM
Then theres me,50 and bangs :lol:. I say do what makes YOU feel and look best and
then others will see you that way too!

Deb

Rohele
March 7th, 2009, 02:12 PM
Is it okay, is it really okay not to have an official "style" over 40? I won't look like I'm trying too hard to look young...or like I'm not trying at all? Somebody just...talk to me.

Getting older isn't usually tough for me, but today it is.

Thanks and hugs.

I'm rapidly coming up on 40, I'm just a few years younger than you, and struggle with it daily - I know many women who questioned aspects of their lives at this age, whether it was appearance, career, what have you.

Around here there's a certain haircut that all women over mid thirties seem to gravitate to, and I hate it, at least for me. I guess it look cute on some ladies, but I absolutely detest looking like everyone else, just for the sake of conforming (if its something that I liked, I wouldn't have issues with it, I'm not a real "out there" kind of gal with regards to fashion and stuff, but at the same time like to express my own personality).

I think you should go for what you feel comfortable with, and are happy with - I mean aren't our 40s supposed to be the time we come into our own, and accept who we are? It not no style, its "your" style.

steph in tx
March 7th, 2009, 02:26 PM
I mean aren't our 40s supposed to be the time we come into our own, and accept who we are? It not no style, its "your" style.

Indeed! I love this sentiment. It gave me just the boost of self-confidence I needed today. :-)

spidermom
March 7th, 2009, 02:53 PM
I've let my face-framing fringe grow out as well. Somewhere along the way I got used to seeing my face with my hair all bunned back, and it's so much more convenient not to have hair on my face now.

When I think old-fashioned style, I think bunned/braided. It's nice that way, especially nice when we can do the transformation - take off the glasses, shake down the hair. Oo-la-la.

Sissy
March 7th, 2009, 04:45 PM
Glenna, err on the side of being without a style. I've seen very few people who look better with heavily layered or styled hair, than with "normal" hair.

I think this is good advice!

GlennaGirl
March 7th, 2009, 04:50 PM
Bwah ha ha, taking off glasses + shaking down hair = what I actually do since I wear glasses! Heh heh. So it can be "sexy librarian" rather than "everyday boring," eh? Good. I'll keep doing it!

The fabulous answers in this thread have given me renewed vigor to DO WHAT I WANT. With my hair, I mean. You all are right. If we can't live four decades without finally being able to do what we want at least on a personal level, well then shoot. What was it all for?

It's funny because this is the kind of advice I've been giving OTHERS lately but not really understanding in myself. :) Odd, huh?

embee
March 7th, 2009, 05:12 PM
I'm *way* older, and I have my own style. It's just fine. I have a very high forehead, and much of my life I had bangs to hide it. Huh. Ha. They were stringy, because my hair strings easily. They never looked very good, always just limp and stringy. They probably did more to accentuate my forehead than pulling my hair straight back.

I finally realized that no matter how long or short my hair was, it was thin, straight, fine, and stringy. The gorgeous wurls and curls simply weren't for me - even a perm wouldn't stay. So may as well go with what I've got.

Tight bunned mean ladies club, here I come! :)

davidvs
March 8th, 2009, 11:28 AM
Hm. Try reading the original Peter Pan (http://www.gutenberg.org/etext/16). Captain Hook has a continuing and amusing internal debate about "good form".

From near the end...

This, of course, was nonsense; but it was proof to the unhappy Hook that Peter did not know in the least who or what he was, which is the very pinnacle of good form.

MadPirateBippy
March 8th, 2009, 12:15 PM
Trendy can never be beautiful, it comes from a different place- sort of like how money can buy fun but it can't buy happiness or joy. Trendy is fun, beauty is joy;

It's OK. Letting go of the trendy gives you the freedom to embrace the classic, the elegant, the timeless, and the beautiful.

It can be tough to transition, but you'll make it. :)

Pixna
March 8th, 2009, 12:26 PM
I suppose it depends on what you mean by "style." If you are referring to what is "in" and "trendy," then of COURSE it's fine not to have a style. Those 'dos are created by the fashion and hair industries to make money off unsuspecting people like us. Ignore them!!!

If you are referring to a "shape," well, "long" is a shape, and a beautiful one at that. In addition, when your hair is long, your "style" can change every day, however YOU want it to change, not on the basis of some arbitrary rule pushed on us by an industry that is trying to make us feel guilty by not buying into their hype.

Who set this age limit of "40"? I'm well over 50 and have no particular "style" to speak of (other than aiming for long!). When I see women with the trendy styles du jour, I feel sorry for them, because their hair will be out of fashion soon, and then they'll have to find another "style" that's in, and pay for it, and pay for the products and services to keep it that way.

Enjoy your style of no style or varying styles and realize that you actually have had your own style all along!

GlennaGirl
March 8th, 2009, 02:03 PM
Who set this age limit of "40"?

Oh, I just wanted to address this. Nobody really set this age limit for me. Rather, I find, to my utter shock, that it comes from inside me. I mean I'm always the champion of "trends don't show the real you" and "age doesn't mean anything". Or rather, I have always been the champion of these thoughts...when they were about someone else.

Now they're about me.

I really think I'm just having a sudden "age crisis" ("What? I'm HOW old? Are you kidding?") and that my hair is taking the brunt of it. Or at least, is the focus point of it.

Thanks so much, everybody.

steph in tx
March 8th, 2009, 02:12 PM
Oh, I just wanted to address this. Nobody really set this age limit for me. Rather, I find, to my utter shock, that it comes from inside me. I mean I'm always the champion of "trends don't show the real you" and "age doesn't mean anything". Or rather, I have always been the champion of these thoughts...when they were about someone else.

Now they're about me.

I really think I'm just having a sudden "age crisis" ("What? I'm HOW old? Are you kidding?") and that my hair is taking the brunt of it. Or at least, is the focus point of it.

Thanks so much, everybody.

I totally understand what you're saying. That's exactly how I feel. Somewhere in my mind 40 is just the age when I'm supposed to be a grown-up. All wise and secure and confident. Needless to say, I sure don't feel any of those things. It's a work in progress, I suppose. Here's to growing more secure!

Pixna
March 8th, 2009, 02:14 PM
Ah, GlennaGirl -- the purpose of my somewhat rhetorical question was for you to answer it for yourself, and I'm glad you did. I find it humorous when people say "age is just a state of mind." Usually they are a LOT younger than I am, and it's easy for them to say that. When age finally does smack you in the head (or body, or wherever it decides to smack), you realize that it's not a state of mind but a reality of existence. It affects both our body and our time on this planet.

Although I know you are feeling old right now, forty is still young, m'dear -- I personally feel the forties are the very best years of a woman's life (not that the others are bad, mind you, but the forties are fantastic for a whole lot of reasons I won't go into here) and the age when we are our most beautiful (again, woman are beautiful at all ages, but the forties combine maturity and wisdom with a lingering bit of youth). Still, I know it's milestone that can be a shocking realization. I'm sorry your hair is taking the brunt of it. Mine took the brunt of my being in my fifties. Take a page from my book and don't do anything drastic with it!! The older we get, the less time we have to "fix" any bad decisions. :)

Rohele
March 8th, 2009, 08:28 PM
Oh, I just wanted to address this. Nobody really set this age limit for me. Rather, I find, to my utter shock, that it comes from inside me. I mean I'm always the champion of "trends don't show the real you" and "age doesn't mean anything". Or rather, I have always been the champion of these thoughts...when they were about someone else.

Now they're about me.

Ha ha - so true :rolleyes:

It was much easier for me to dispense advice earlier on in the thread, than it is to follow the same advice, even though I do believe it to be true. steph in tx's comments ring true for me as well. I'm glad I'm not alone in feeling this way.

Aer
March 8th, 2009, 09:15 PM
Do what YOU want with your hair. Trendy becomes untrendy very quickly, and then you regret following that trend. And if your someone who doesn't use alot of hair products, (Hair gel, spray, mousse, etc,), going trendy or stylish usually involves and/or requires these products to keep that your hair set in that style every morning you go out the door. Some wouldn't fathom applying commerical hair styling to there long locks that takes alot of time and care to get healthy and lengthy hair. And personally the picture in your post of your hair is gorgeous, and your hair doesn't care how old you are. If my mama cared about age appropriate hair trends she wouldn't have the sexy sable/auborn tresses she has now and everyone agrees that her hair is awesome long. Your hair is pretty the way it is, but its your hair do what you want with it!