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RancheroTheBee
March 3rd, 2009, 06:24 PM
I've had a number of people comment on the fact that I've stopped straightening my hair. It's usually accompanied by this wide-eyed look, complete with this patronizing smile, and some comment along the lines of "Going for a natural look, are we?" I remember getting made fun of in school for having big hair, and I never understood the big deal about it.

That's the thing; I don't think my hair looks bad. It may be wild, crazy cartoon-witch hair, but I certainly think I take care of it.

I also hear a lot of disparaging comments about other people's hair.

"She should really dye over that mousy brown."

"Why does she leave it all kinky like that? Chemical straightener - hello?"

"I just hate seeing people with such flat hair."

Is it just me, or do some* people consider "taking care of your hair" to mean "altering it's natural state dramatically"? Has it ever been suggested to you that you should bleach, cut, dye, straighten, curl, perm, tease or otherwise change your hair? What did you respond with?

*: Note that I said some. There are a lot of people out there who are really supportive in no matter what you decide to do, and they should all get high-fives.

Coriander
March 3rd, 2009, 06:33 PM
Those people obviously don't have better things to do than sit there and make other people feel bad.

I say good for you for loving your hair as it is. It's beautiful on you, and that is all that matters. :flower:

Of course, the evil side of me daydreams of this:

"She needs to dye over that awful mousy brown."

"You need your mouth taped shut. Might I recommend the new hot-pink duct tape from Home Depot?"

:evil:

Bene
March 3rd, 2009, 06:44 PM
sometimes the things that other will suggest will make your hair worse.


when i was a kid, with hideously frizzy hair, i'd always hear "you need to brush your hair" and i'd always answer "i did!!!", no one seemed to believe me that brushing made my hair frizzy.

Jessaka
March 3rd, 2009, 06:46 PM
Rancherothebee, I'm sorry some people are so mean like that. I think people's idea of what hair should look like is a little screwy. I don't think anyone has perfect hair and ya know, the way you can look at it is that everyone's unique and has their own opinion of what their hair should look like. As long as your hair looks fine to you, that's awesome ^__^

Nice comeback, Coriander. I am a person who can't think on her toes like that, I'd probably come back with something like, "Exceuse me? WTF are you talking about? Look at your own hair." HAHHAHAHh....with my "snobbish mean face" then they'd regret it.

sandigirl
March 3rd, 2009, 06:48 PM
My friends and family are telling me to go back to my natural chestnut brown color. I am now blonde from years of highlighting. I would NEVER go back to brown. Life really is more fun as a blonde--especially all the compliments from men. They are also telling me to cut it because of my age. I am single (never married) by choice and I will cut my hair short when hell freezes over! lol... Short, dark hair is just not for me.

spidermom
March 3rd, 2009, 06:50 PM
We all have our own ideas about what is best and what looks best. Even on LHC, people are subtly or not so subtly put down for their choices. I've done it myself (for shame!). As long as nobody is getting their feelings hurt, I'd let the tongues wag. People have the right to express their opinions. However, if they are hurting you or anyone else, speak up. As to what you say - that depends on the situation, of course. For example - my father passed me a pair of scissors and said "you should cut that mess off!" I said "I'm not going to cut my hair." and my DD said "My mom has beautiful hair! I love it long!"

tinabcurly
March 3rd, 2009, 06:51 PM
Everyone has an opinion on how others can look much better. I don't see why some people feel it's necessary to verbalize that opinion unasked. :rolleyes: Twits. Every last one.

I get told all the time that I should straighten my hair, it would look so much better and just imagine how long it would be. When it's a random stranger my response is something like "Sure. It takes 3 hours & fries the hell out of my hair. But since you say I should, I'll get right on it. Idiot." In the office though, I stick with a dismissive half smile & walk away.

GlennaGirl
March 3rd, 2009, 07:17 PM
"You need your mouth taped shut. Might I recommend the new hot-pink duct tape from Home Depot?"

:evil:

LOL!!!!!!!!!! Coriander, I heart you.

GlennaGirl
March 3rd, 2009, 07:26 PM
Okay, now, on a more serious note: there is a psychology behind why some people don't think you're "trying" to look good unless you change the parts of your body that can technically be changed.

It's actually twofold. One part of the equation is "wanting" to be sexually desirable. Primping and preening are sexual availability signals. So on a subconscious level, if you don't look like you primp/preen often, you aren't broadcasting sexual availability (HEAVEN forbid). Hence: you're "not trying". That's why curly haireds are told they would look better if they straightened, yet straighties are told we should perm, use hot rollers and spray...etc. It's the change itself that signals that you're "trying," at least on a very base (VERY base!) level. (two thumbs down for that attitude!)

Part Two is the idea of attempting to create an image of wealth/held assets. It is VERY desirable for most animals, including humans, to somehow give off the appearance of having a huge number of assets or resources to his or her name, and not just desirable in a "mate" context; popularity in general, and status among the other members of the group/tribe/pack, etc., is enhanced by this. Some animals give "gifts" of food, vegetation for bedding, found "pretty" objects, etc. as a courting ritual for the specific goal of showing the potential mate that he is "wealthy", for his species. Likewise, you'll hear of many, many ancient cultures (and perhaps some extant ones, I don't know) where a leader is basically required to periodically entertain lavishly and give huge gifts, even if he really can't afford them, in order to "prove" how much he has.

Currently, in the human world, our biggest visual "proof" of wealth is in having or wearing things that require a big amount of upkeep. Things that subconsciously say, "I can't possibly work all day laboring in the fields, not with THESE long, perfectly laquered nails. And look at my perfectly coiffed hair. It's obvious I don't have to do any bending or lifting...that MUST mean I have someone to do it for me." So that's why "done-up" hair is considered more attractive (again, on a base level) than hair that seems natural. That doesn't mean it's automatically more attractive, though--again, this is all about the subconscious, and perhaps partially is immaturity (we learn better as we grow up a little). Thank goodness, many people love the natural look, love nature, and in fact admire the earth and her special treasures, and our bodies and all their wonders. But that's more recent and evolved. ;)

Sorry to go so long-winded there. Bottom line: Yes, being "done up" in some way does mean, to some people, "trying harder" or "looking better" and not because of the actual look itself, but because of what all the hard work it takes to achieve it communicates.

Whew! (catching breath)

RancheroTheBee
March 3rd, 2009, 07:38 PM
GlennaGirl: Excellent point, actually. I never thought of the fact that the effort in and of itself is probably a marker of sexual attractiveness. I should tell people it takes me HOURS to get my hair like this. :grin:

spidermom
March 3rd, 2009, 07:38 PM
Good points all, GlennaGirl. I often think that having long, nice-looking hair broadcasts the fact that I have the time and resources to take care of it, my personal luxury.

Silverlox
March 3rd, 2009, 07:42 PM
Has it ever been suggested to you that you should bleach, cut, dye, straighten, curl, perm, tease or otherwise change your hair? What did you respond with?


Yep! Every time I speak to my DM. :agree:

She says, and I quote "why don't you cut off all that long hair and get a nice and pretty pixie cut? That'll keep the hair out of your face." :brickwall

Sometimes she varies it a bit and says: "Why don't you cut it short and dye it a nice colour, like a dark blond or light brown?"

The problem is two-fold.
First of all, she's a militant short hair proselytising evangelist wanting to "save" everyone in the world from the burden of long hair.
Secondly, my hair is a lot more grey than hers and having such a grey haired daughter makes her feel old. She's 70+ and I think it's not only okay, but even rather normal, to feel old once you've passed 70.

What I say is: No, I don't think so!, with a smile. :D

What I think is: Not my problem. Deal with it. :twisted:
Furthermore, it's never in my face since I always wear it up, especially around her!

FWIW I've always loved big, poofy cartoon witch hair!! So gorgeous!! In fact, for 15 whole years, I used to perm the heck out of my poor, fragile tresses to accomplish that look. :flower:

You'd think that when you're over 50, your DM would stop nagging you. Well, I have bad news, - if she's the nagging type, it never ends!! :hatchet:

chelssix
March 3rd, 2009, 07:54 PM
It irritates me that there's such an issue in society with just accepting what you are. Not everyone needs to have hair that's straight, blonde, and just below the shoulders- but if that's what you want, or what you have, then there is nothing wrong with it, in my opinion.

Heavenly Locks
March 3rd, 2009, 08:01 PM
I think part of the deal is, people who 'dramatically change' their hair...look like they do something. (even if it looks damaged and bad) A lot of people who don't do anything 'look' like they don't care and don't do anything. (think of the people with crazy dry split hair from lack of good care)

And then there's people like us - we spend LOTS of time, effort and even money to make sure our natural hair looks beautiful and healthy. This are things that the afore mentioned people have no concept of...so naturally we get lumped in with the 'don't cares'.

NO FAIR!

invisiblebabe
March 3rd, 2009, 08:03 PM
Okay, now, on a more serious note: there is a psychology behind why some people don't think you're "trying" to look good unless you change the parts of your body that can technically be changed.

It's actually twofold. One part of the equation is "wanting" to be sexually desirable. Primping and preening are sexual availability signals. So on a subconscious level, if you don't look like you primp/preen often, you aren't broadcasting sexual availability (HEAVEN forbid). Hence: you're "not trying". That's why curly haireds are told they would look better if they straightened, yet straighties are told we should perm, use hot rollers and spray...etc. It's the change itself that signals that you're "trying," at least on a very base (VERY base!) level. (two thumbs down for that attitude!)

Part Two is the idea of attempting to create an image of wealth/held assets. It is VERY desirable for most animals, including humans, to somehow give off the appearance of having a huge number of assets or resources to his or her name, and not just desirable in a "mate" context; popularity in general, and status among the other members of the group/tribe/pack, etc., is enhanced by this. Some animals give "gifts" of food, vegetation for bedding, found "pretty" objects, etc. as a courting ritual for the specific goal of showing the potential mate that he is "wealthy", for his species. Likewise, you'll hear of many, many ancient cultures (and perhaps some extant ones, I don't know) where a leader is basically required to periodically entertain lavishly and give huge gifts, even if he really can't afford them, in order to "prove" how much he has.

Currently, in the human world, our biggest visual "proof" of wealth is in having or wearing things that require a big amount of upkeep. Things that subconsciously say, "I can't possibly work all day laboring in the fields, not with THESE long, perfectly laquered nails. And look at my perfectly coiffed hair. It's obvious I don't have to do any bending or lifting...that MUST mean I have someone to do it for me." So that's why "done-up" hair is considered more attractive (again, on a base level) than hair that seems natural. That doesn't mean it's automatically more attractive, though--again, this is all about the subconscious, and perhaps partially is immaturity (we learn better as we grow up a little). Thank goodness, many people love the natural look, love nature, and in fact admire the earth and her special treasures, and our bodies and all their wonders. But that's more recent and evolved. ;)

Sorry to go so long-winded there. Bottom line: Yes, being "done up" in some way does mean, to some people, "trying harder" or "looking better" and not because of the actual look itself, but because of what all the hard work it takes to achieve it communicates.

Whew! (catching breath)

Haha, awesome :D Your description reminds me of something Temperance Brennan would say, on Bones!

Peter
March 3rd, 2009, 08:09 PM
The only hair suggestion I've gotten is to cut it short, but I got it a lot. Especially when my hair was medium-length and looked a bit messy, I would hear a few times a week that I should cut it. I either totally ignored it and didn't even acknowledge it, or I would respond with just "I'm not cutting it". This would usually be followed by "you look gay" or "you look like a girl".

It's rare that I get comments like that now though. In the past year or so I've only gotten two people tell me to cut my hair.

Nevermore
March 3rd, 2009, 09:15 PM
Yep! Every time I speak to my DM.

I read that as, "district manager" instead of "dear mother" and went :mad: thinking, "oh my god, your dm does that to you?!" Then I read it was your mother :o

Soniasonia
March 3rd, 2009, 09:17 PM
And I *hate* flat ironed hair! So unnatural looking and always looks fried. Keep rockin' your natural hair:)

RancheroTheBee
March 4th, 2009, 12:24 AM
I read that as, "district manager" instead of "dear mother" and went :mad: thinking, "oh my god, your dm does that to you?!" Then I read it was your mother :o

:lol: Me, too!

Aditi
March 4th, 2009, 01:55 AM
Personally i would love to do the opposite of what people tell me to do. That way it will discourage them from telling me next time and to teach them to mind their own business.

Teazel
March 4th, 2009, 03:47 AM
And then there's people like us - we spend LOTS of time, effort and even money to make sure our natural hair looks beautiful and healthy.

Do we? :bigeyes: Personally, I'm going for the holy grail of long hair care - 'benign neglect'. :bowtome:

But I see what you're saying. I have spent time and effort to learn how to give my hair what it needs, and to make it look nice - that's the 'benign' part. Having done that, I mostly leave it alone now.

Stevy
March 4th, 2009, 05:12 AM
Firstly, I *love* GlennaGirl's analysis.

Secondly, I think a lot of people just get stuck on the idea that what works for them must work for everyone else. Who doesn't have a relative or a workmate who's constantly trying to persuade them to try the particular brand of vitamins they favour, or a certain make of car, or an exercise plan or a self-help book?

I think it works the same way with hair, whether it's 'Why doesn't she dye over her natural colour / use straighteners / get a haircut? She looks soooooooo unattractive' or 'Why doesn't she trim her ends / wear her hair down instead of updos / stop bleaching ? She looks soooooooo unattractive'.

My opinion is, we should all admire the beauty and diversity that's out there more, and stop acting as if it's a blow to our self-esteem if someone disagrees with us. :)

Red Rapunzel
March 4th, 2009, 06:00 AM
I liked GlennaGirl's analysis and I love RancheroTheBee's idea for a final response to the dorks who make unwanted comments and suggestions about her hair! Telling them it takes hours for her to get her hair like that will leave them confused and not sure what just happened. Like when someone automatically tells me to "Have a nice day" and then I say, "Thank you, but I have other plans."

Red Rapunzel
March 4th, 2009, 06:07 AM
Teazel, I love your hair!! Your benign neglect has certainly paid off. I, too, am indulging in some neglect of my hair (if not blow-drying or flat-ironing constitutes neglect). I even have the audacity to trim my hair myself. Question: Who is that grey-haired gang member pictured? Is that you? I ask because your hair doesn't look grey in the full body photo. Anyway, whoever it is, the grey hair is gorgeous and gives me hope because I'm at the age where mine might be turning any day. I'm a very fair-skinned redhead so I don't think I would look good in grey hair (too washed out). So I'd have to henna or cut.

taliarose
March 4th, 2009, 06:40 AM
I love all the responses! I only get the "you should get your hair cut short" from family members. Most people will actually give great compliments when I wear my hair down. Then again as a member of the gaming community (where we're considered abnormal anyways :shrug:) we tend to stick together and be supportive of non-traditional views. :brickwall Don't worry about the nasty commenters. They have there own problems to deal with. :flowers:

jivete
March 4th, 2009, 07:07 AM
Excellent points, GlennaGirl. Of course, recognizing human nature doesn't make it any less annoying.

JamieLeigh
March 4th, 2009, 09:07 AM
Most of the people in my circle are used to me mucking about with/over my hair, and tend to just let their :twocents: remain private. LOL, they've learned I'm just going to do it my own way, and it's useless to offer advice. ;)

Complete strangers, however, seem to think my hair would look better if it were cut off of my head, and put onto a poor child with cancer. :rolleyes: As though that's how it really works with LoL!!

But, condition-wise? I've never gotten random comments like that, so either everybody likes my hair, or they just whisper privately amongst themselves and I go on my happy hairy way! :D

Nightshade
March 4th, 2009, 09:11 AM
I favorite is just to raise my eyes to the hair right above their forehead, look at it for a few seconds, look back to their face, smile and say, "Nah, I like what I've got going on."

You can also use this when someone is criticizing someone else with the, "Nah, I like what they've got going on."

;)

embee
March 4th, 2009, 09:33 AM
When I was in school the headmistress called me to her office and told me I must cut my APL naturally straight hair, that it would then curl nicely.

Huh?

I think she really believed this. Her own hair was thick, naturally wurly, and very lovely. I have thin straight flat fine hair.

Fortunately my dad told her to leave me alone. :)

Naluin
March 4th, 2009, 09:37 AM
I think so, but if I'm likely to get this comment, it's always about my hair. Probably because the rest of me does look like I obviously care.

When I was younger, I never really cared for my hair. It was never any length I liked, it wasn't a texture I liked, the style was boring to me, and it broke like mad if I looked at it funny. Plus, my female relatives were far more interested in it than I was. I definitely got the not trying hard enough comments from them and from some people at school I didn't even know!

My response? :rolleyes: Seriously, you have nothing better to worry about than my hair? Lucky you.

Johanna
March 4th, 2009, 09:42 AM
My partners cousin and my own are hair dressers. Nearly every time I see them its;
"OMG i just want to play with your hear and cut it, let me cut it! I'd cut it up to here!" *indicating to my chin*
If I say no, they keep hassling me, thats when I bring out the 'but my partner really loves it and he doesnt want me to cut it' line. For some reason that really works. Shuts them right up :)


I also get the comments from my family. My little sister (14) has said to me a few times that I should cut my hair, I usually ask why, her response is something about it being what everyone does. I ask her why I'd want to be like everyone else. She agrees with me and says she now wants to grow out her hair, it usually lasts a day then she discovered a new article in a teen magazine telling her to straighten and cut her hair, so of couse she does.
........and the cycle continues.

My mother (with a bright red pixie cut) also tells me that everyone cuts their hair short.
I'm not everyone, I'm me :)


Thankfully my partners family loves my length and even brushes it for me. yay! Hair slaves!

GlennaGirl
March 4th, 2009, 10:38 AM
Okay, some of these replies have me DYIN'. ("Have a nice day." "Thanks, but I have other plans." And others...LOLOL!!!)

I just wanted to tiptoe in here and not hijack the thread by saying "Thanks to those who said nice things about my post!" because it meant a lot to me...but I'm saying it in a whisper...again, so as to not hijack the thread. :)

(Tiptoeing off, realizing I did in fact just hijack the thread) Carry on!

ZadenWillowfyre
March 4th, 2009, 10:58 AM
I know what you mean....it seems that no one is satisfied with them selves as they are and that to be beautiful, they must alter themselves with highlights or straighteners. Now...there is nothing wrong with those things. But so many think that it is a requirement to have in order to be in fashion. I personally love curly hair!! Specially long curly hair! I know it's a pain to have but sometimes I get bored with my straight hair.

RancheroTheBee
March 4th, 2009, 11:22 AM
GlennaGirl: Silliness! Hijack away. :) You gave us our lovely Desmond Morris-esque jumping point into what became a great thread.

Naluin: Exactly! That's a great comeback.

I have to admit that I spend a great deal of time thinking about other people's hair. It's a hobby of mine to examine other people's hair on the bus, ex: "Her hair is waist! And blunt! I WAAAAANT." But I think there's a difference between admiring (or even secretly wanting to alter) someone else's hair, and actually coming up to them, bent on giving unsolicited advice.

I guess that's what bothers me about the whole thing; that people somehow believe that because the thought popped into their head, I must automatically be willing to take the idea into consideration. For some people, the response might go something along the lines of:

"Blonde, you say? Why, yes. Maybe that would be utterly fabulous."

But blondes who slave away at their hair for years and trim and deep-condition and keep out of the sun, all for saving their beautiful highlighted hair, probably feel the same way a lot of us do. I think the part that is insulting is that many of us (and many others aside from LHCers) spend a lot of time slaving away at what they personally believe to be their best hair, and when someone comes up to you and tells you that you are wrong, and you could be doing it a much better way, it becomes a bit of a slap in the face.

lora410
March 4th, 2009, 11:28 AM
In todays world it is all about style style style (at least to most) Not many people practice natural hair care anymore; so anything out of the ordinary to the fashion world is considered lack of caring for oneself. My fiancée has a shirt that says.

"You laugh because I am different, and I laugh because you are all the same"

Don't let them bother you :)

Silverlox
March 4th, 2009, 11:36 AM
I read that as, "district manager" instead of "dear mother" and went :mad: thinking, "oh my god, your dm does that to you?!" Then I read it was your mother :o


:lol: Me, too!

Oops! Sorry! :o That should teach me to not use abbreviations. :flower:

I wish it were my District Manager, because then I could get away from it by changing jobs. Unfortunately not even moving to a different country got me away from my mother's comments, suggestions and "helpful" solutions. :rolleyes:


Personally i would love to do the opposite of what people tell me to do. That way it will discourage them from telling me next time and to teach them to mind their own business.

Yeah, me too! I always get an urge to go straight back to that spiteful toddler behaviour. Then I think again and realise that even doing the opposite would be to give them too much power and influence over my actions/life. So I don't. Usually. Except as an exception. :silly:

GlennaGirl - I too loved your analysis! You built a wonderful case and clearly showed how the dynamics work and made it seem very self evident . Good going! :flowers:

RancheroTheBee
March 4th, 2009, 11:49 AM
Silverlox: Can you imagine how weird it would be if your boss told you what to do with your hair? :laugh: Actually, my old boss told me to grow out my hair. But I was bald, and I kept rubbing my scalp on him to make him squirm. (... It was a very casual workplace.)

And spiteful toddler behavior is my favorite, especially when it comes to hair.

"You should dye your hair blonde again."

"NO. NO, NO, NO, NO, NO."

Silverlox
March 4th, 2009, 12:00 PM
[quote=RancheroTheBee;489104]Silverlox: Can you imagine how weird it would be if your boss told you what to do with your hair? :laugh: Actually, my old boss told me to grow out my hair. But I was bald, and I kept rubbing my scalp on him to make him squirm. (... It was a very casual workplace.)

:spitting::rollin:This just made me spray paint my screen and keyboard!


And spiteful toddler behavior is my favorite, especially when it comes to hair.

"You should dye your hair blonde again."

"NO. NO, NO, NO, NO, NO."

Yeah, well, I'm sure you can still get away with it. However, I'm more than 30 years your senior and although I've never cared much about behaving "age appropriately", the effect of spiteful toddler behaviour in a 50+ woman is rarely seen as particularly charming.:(

Oh! The horrors of ageism!! :shake:

Blueneko
March 4th, 2009, 12:05 PM
I got all sorts of flack for cutting down on washes, not blow-frying or straightening and doing "nothing" with my hair.

BUT THEN when my hair was getting long, lush, thick, shiny, healthy and otherwise lovely those same people were like, "Oh, your hair, I wish I could do that."

It is the growing out part where everyone has all sorts of advice. Now I just smile when the dyed, straighten and blow-fried girls say they wish they could have long, thick hair. Because they will never have it without the discipline to give up the naughty things and just go natural.

Just wait, in about 9 months people will be lamenting for your thick and shiny hair!

Nevermore
March 4th, 2009, 12:14 PM
Oops! Sorry! :o That should teach me to not use abbreviations. :flower:

I wish it were my District Manager, because then I could get away from it by changing jobs. Unfortunately not even moving to a different country got me away from my mother's comments, suggestions and "helpful" solutions. :rolleyes:

Don't feel bad! I just started a new job and there's been much talk about our DM's PM visits, which must have made an impression on me. I feel you on the inability get away from some peoples' comments. I just realized that my old church would probably dislike my hair now as much as they did when it was ear, shoulder or BSL because updos would be considered vain and fussy. Thankfully, said people aren't my mother, though she's got a similar opinion and the lovely habit of threatening to cut my hair.

rhubarbarin
March 4th, 2009, 12:54 PM
It seems that nothing is ever satisfying to the people that make these comments. Hair is too long or the cut is too trendy/mom-like/boyish, it's too thin, too thick, if it's curly or kinky it should be straight, if it's straight it's 'limp and stringy', if it's dark it should be lighter and if it's light it shouldn't be, too much body is 'frizzy' or looks dumb and too little is 'flat'.. etc etc etc.

IME this kind of stuff is directed mostly at women, and it's not only our hair that exists only to be judged and commented on, it's also our skin, breasts, body shape, weight, the way we dress, how we apply our makeup, and every other aspect of our physical appearance.

The only comments I make on other people's appearance are (usually non-specific) compliments, I consider most personal remarks to be rude..

Naava
March 4th, 2009, 01:03 PM
"You laugh because I am different, and I laugh because you are all the same"


I love that!

My mom also does the "You should cut your hair nice and short"-thing. Luckily I don't care :)

Coriander
March 4th, 2009, 01:19 PM
LOL!!!!!!!!!! Coriander, I heart you.

Awwww I heart you too :flower:



Nice comeback, Coriander. I am a person who can't think on her toes like that, I'd probably come back with something like, "Exceuse me? WTF are you talking about? Look at your own hair." HAHHAHAHh....with my "snobbish mean face" then they'd regret it.

:D I don't know if I'd actually *say* that, but that's how my little brain works.



Primping and preening are sexual availability signals. So on a subconscious level, if you don't look like you primp/preen often, you aren't broadcasting sexual availability (HEAVEN forbid).
Part Two is the idea of attempting to create an image of wealth/held assets. this.
Currently, in the human world, our biggest visual "proof" of wealth is in having or wearing things that require a big amount of upkeep.


1. I am immediately reminded of the groups of young students I see on campus who are always diving into their backpacks for lipstick or powder - public primping drives me nuts. There's a bathroom 20 feet away... we don't need to see 10 minutes worth of makeup application.

2. I wear my hair every day :D Does that count? Wash days take a big amount of time lol


This would usually be followed by "you look gay" or "you look like a girl".


I don't understand how long hair makes a man look "gay" or like a girl. :shrug: It's hair, not chromosomes.


I favorite is just to raise my eyes to the hair right above their forehead, look at it for a few seconds, look back to their face, smile and say, "Nah, I like what I've got going on."


*snicker* I absolutely :heart: your snarky wit :D



Thankfully my partners family loves my length and even brushes it for me. yay! Hair slaves!

Hair slaves!!!! :rollin:


Silverlox: Can you imagine how weird it would be if your boss told you what to do with your hair? :laugh: Actually, my old boss told me to grow out my hair. But I was bald, and I kept rubbing my scalp on him to make him squirm. (... It was a very casual workplace.)


This had me LOL for quite some time!! :laugh:



Oh! The horrors of ageism!! :shake:

The horrors of reading too quickly and having to go back to re-affirm what you just read because the last word of that sentence is similar to another word and you just about nose-douched your tea.

florenonite
March 6th, 2009, 01:55 PM
The horrors of reading too quickly and having to go back to re-affirm what you just read because the last word of that sentence is similar to another word and you just about nose-douched your tea.

The horrors of sitting here wondering what you could have possibly misinterpreted 'ageism' as ...

oldgregg
March 6th, 2009, 02:07 PM
Hey whatever you feel is good for you is. I have been told to cut my hair to my shoulders and dye it blond (its black), but this is something I would never do

goodenough
March 6th, 2009, 02:12 PM
No one ever suggests I do anything different with my hair. My dad doesn't like it "in my face," but we've fought that battle 20 years ago, and we're bored with that topic of conversation.

InTheCity
March 6th, 2009, 02:20 PM
This is an interesting topic. In my case, it was *me* who was causing all the trouble. I never learned to accept wavy hair (or curly like it was before I killed it to death) so I tried a relaxer more than once, straightened galore and now, let it air dry while pulled back so at least the top sits flat and smooth.

And I must say that starting to read LHC in december/early January inspired me to treat my hair much much better. (Oh so this is what it takes to grow...? Got it!)

IndigoInk
March 6th, 2009, 02:20 PM
I think personal comments are rude. No matter what they refer to, they are usually unwanted, subjective, and at least slightly insulting. I try to avoid making them at all costs.

In this area long hair is not uncommon. I have some girls in class who wear their hair long for religious or cultural reasons and they love to compare their length to mine :)

I guess I'm lucky I don't have the problem of comments about my hair but I do get them about other things ;)

Silverlox
March 6th, 2009, 02:23 PM
The horrors of reading too quickly and having to go back to re-affirm what you just read because the last word of that sentence is similar to another word and you just about nose-douched your tea.

:spitting:You almost had me spill my drink here!! :rollin:


The horrors of sitting here wondering what you could have possibly misinterpreted 'ageism' as ...

Oh, to have the innocence of youth once again. :wannabe: :whistle:
:twisted:

Alaskanheart
March 6th, 2009, 04:41 PM
I find it facinating that many people have been told by strangers what to do with their hair. I cant ever recall a time when someone told me to cut, perm, bleach, color etc. My family has learned that Im going to do whatever I want no matter what they say so I havent heard a comment from them about my hair/style since I was a little kid. My husband never makes any suggestions or comments either.

I do get the "wow your hair is getting so long since last time I saw you", but I consider it a compliment, and find it nice that they notice such changes.

Many people however do complain about their own hair, and say things like"gosh I need to cut it, color, etc. I usually just agree if it looks damaged, or say it looks good, if it looks healthy.

A girl I work with cut her bsl hair to ASL last week, and I verbally acknowledged the change and said it lookes nice, It really did, not better than her hair at bsl, and not worse. She commented "oh it was just time, it was getting heavy, and its just hair, it grows". I agreed with her and the conversation was over. After all it was her opinion about her own hair, not mine.

I personally could care less what other people do with their hair, or about their personal opinions about hair. I dont understand why others care so much.

AnnaMarie
March 6th, 2009, 10:02 PM
I had a school friend come over from another country for my wedding, we hadnt seen each other in years! She by the way is a shoulder length bleach blond hair straightner fanatic, thats her choice and I have nothing against her for that, its just she thinks everyone else should look like that also. I picked her up from the airport and the first thing she said when she got off the plane was " Oh....look at your hair its so, long..." and NOT in a good way with kind of a discusted look on her face and then she reaches out and GRABS it and says with a sympathetic look on her face "Oh well, at least its soft" :shocked: Excuse me?? All this before even a hello :angry: Of course I just stood there with a stupid look on my face smiling, I can never think of the right thing to say in this stituation, I think I was overwelmed by her rudeness:evil:

LadyEliza
March 7th, 2009, 12:42 AM
No one has recently told me what to do with any part of me. I guess that they have realised that I won't listen to them anyway.

:)

RancheroTheBee
March 7th, 2009, 12:52 AM
AnnaMarie: That seems enormously rude of her. I don't even appreciate being hugged by people, let alone having someone grab my hair. And then make a face. I thought I had the right to be irked when people tell me my hair is big, but that takes the cake. (And let's face it; my hair IS big. I'm just happy nobody touches it without my permission.)

Dreams_in_Pink
March 7th, 2009, 01:51 AM
I remember getting made fun of in school for having big hair, and I never understood the big deal about it.


I have that same brown and frizzy hair. I was called "broom-haired" in primary school times; although people didn't say anything wrong to me in high school years, i knew they found me ugly overall.

Now that i'm in college, i've gotten over that hair problem. Not straightening though, but curling with rollers :))) that way i both don't damage my hair AND meet others's "hair criteria" XD

hanne jensen
March 7th, 2009, 02:04 AM
Has anyone considered that we are born with hair that suits our faces and bodies? RancherotheBee, maybe those folks who rag on you are just plain jealous of your beautiful curls and thickness. They have to spend a fortune to get the hair that God gave you. You say that your hair is big. Well, think of how beautifully thick your hair will appear when you reach your goal. Your hem must be just gorgeous. Can't you see how green my face is now?

florenonite
March 7th, 2009, 04:01 AM
I find it facinating that many people have been told by strangers what to do with their hair. I cant ever recall a time when someone told me to cut, perm, bleach, color etc. My family has learned that Im going to do whatever I want no matter what they say so I havent heard a comment from them about my hair/style since I was a little kid. My husband never makes any suggestions or comments either.

I do get the "wow your hair is getting so long since last time I saw you", but I consider it a compliment, and find it nice that they notice such changes.

Many people however do complain about their own hair, and say things like"gosh I need to cut it, color, etc. I usually just agree if it looks damaged, or say it looks good, if it looks healthy.

A girl I work with cut her bsl hair to ASL last week, and I verbally acknowledged the change and said it lookes nice, It really did, not better than her hair at bsl, and not worse. She commented "oh it was just time, it was getting heavy, and its just hair, it grows". I agreed with her and the conversation was over. After all it was her opinion about her own hair, not mine.

I personally could care less what other people do with their hair, or about their personal opinions about hair. I dont understand why others care so much.

ASL? What does that stand for? The only things I can think of are a type for APL (though the S and P are on opposite sides of the keyboard, so I'm not sure how one would manage that) and A Short Length, but that doesnt seem particularly probable either. :p

I agree, I don't care what others do with their hair. Sometimes I get a bit sad if someone with really long nice hair cuts it short, but then I figure that the short cut suits, them, too, and if they're happy with it then who am I to say anything to the contrary? The only time I ever give hair advice is when someone says something like "my ends/length are really dry, how do you keep yours moisturised?" I got a friend doing CWC that way :D


Has anyone considered that we are born with hair that suits our faces and bodies?

I think that, oftentimes, people are. For instance, a lot of the girls (though by no means all) who highlight their hair I secretly think would really suit their hair dark, as I can see it naturally is. Of course, I'm a bit of an oddball in that I vastly prefer my appearance in the winter, when my hair is dark and my skin is pale, than in the summer when my skin and hair are a similar colour :p

Of course, there are people, including LHCers, who really don't think they suit their natural colouring at all (and I can't say whether or not they do having either never seen their faces or having only ever seen their hair as it is now), and either dye or henna their hair accordingly, and look stunning.

Unofficial_Rose
March 7th, 2009, 11:21 AM
No-one's been rude enough to tell me how to have my hair (except my dad :rolleyes:) BUT I only get compliments if it's blow-dried straight.

I quite like the wild 'n wurly look, and besides, I thought it was trying too hard that was considered "uncool"? :shrug:

sneakybea
March 8th, 2009, 01:34 PM
Great analysis, GlennaGirl, I think you're onto something there.
I always wonder about this, because nobody seems to tell me what to do with my hair, and I just don't think it's that my hair is so amazing, because all of you who have had people give unsolicited advice about your hair have amazing hair, too. But even in high school, when everyone was getting bobs and there was almost no one with hair as long as mine (and it was only APL-BSL), while people teased me about my appearance generally, no one said to cut my hair.
The only exception to this is my mother, who is always offering to cut my hair for me, and who lately (past five years or so) has started commenting on how dark my hair is. As you can see from my pictures, my hair is not particularly dark---I'd actually put it smack dab in the middle between light and dark---but my sister, whose hair is naturally close to mine in color, has started highlighting it, and I think that's what my mom thinks mine should look like. We're not a matched set! Plus I like the contrast between my fair skin and brown hair.

IndigoInk
March 8th, 2009, 02:24 PM
I had a school friend come over from another country for my wedding, we hadnt seen each other in years! She by the way is a shoulder length bleach blond hair straightner fanatic, thats her choice and I have nothing against her for that, its just she thinks everyone else should look like that also. I picked her up from the airport and the first thing she said when she got off the plane was " Oh....look at your hair its so, long..." and NOT in a good way with kind of a discusted look on her face and then she reaches out and GRABS it and says with a sympathetic look on her face "Oh well, at least its soft" :shocked: Excuse me?? All this before even a hello :angry: Of course I just stood there with a stupid look on my face smiling, I can never think of the right thing to say in this stituation, I think I was overwelmed by her rudeness:evil:

Yeah, if that had been me she would have found herself on the next plane back home! I'm so sorry that someone would be that rude to you.

Dreams_in_Pink
March 9th, 2009, 05:12 AM
Has anyone considered that we are born with hair that suits our faces and bodies?

That's SO true! When i blow-dry my hair straight in a salon nobody even notices it. But when i use curlers in my hair, everybody starts complimenting, playing with my curls :3

Neither bleaching-straightening nor leaving hair all by itself is good. What really makes a woman beautiful is to realize her natural colours and shapes and try to reinforce them.

Fencai
March 9th, 2009, 12:19 PM
i hear that a lot in the industry i work in.
its very fickle.
I get teased a lot because of my looks, and that Im just "me" and dont particularly care for the changing fashions.
it does make it hard though for some people to take me seriously.

I just keep doing my job to prove them wrong