DO say something!!!

[LadyEliza]

Often I read here that people say they see someone with beautiful long hair and that they wanted to say something, but didn't, for one reason or another.

PLEASE DO!!!!

My hair was down to classic length before I cut it back to pixie. If more people had said something possitive about it I might have stuck to it and kept growing - and that was 7 years ago, how long would it be now?

We know that family and friends often say negative things about our long hair, we need to say positive things to each other and to complete strangers on the street - they might be in the same boat.

I had two compliments from strangers in the 10 years I had long hair. One man standing behind me at traffic lights said "Your hair is very lovely". I was so stoked I didn't know what to say! I thanked him, and it really made my night.

The other one was kind of creepy - but it was absolutely amazing and although it was half creepy, it was also the most amazing thing that ever happened to my hair and I'll never forget how it made me feel.

I had to have an xray on my back. I had my hair in a plait. Appearently that would have affected the xray, all the mass of it (it's very thick). So the man taking the xray said "I'll have to undo your hair" and proceeded to do so, instead of asking me to do it. As he ran his fingers through my hair he said "Actually I just wanted to run my fingers through this magnificent hair". I just stood there and let him!

OK, that's a bit creepy, I admit it. But 2 compliments in 10 years didn't save my hair.

So - don't be afraid to say "Your hair looks lovely, are you going to keep growing it?" and encouraging them if they say yes, and saying that it is so lovely that they should think about it if they say no!

[RancheroTheBee]

Hear, hear. I know people are growing it for themselves, but it's nice to hear some encouragement, no?

[DragonLady]

Everyone on this site has beautiful hair. Everyone.


There, I said it. ;)

[Heavenly Locks]

I have often stuttered out to a stranger "w..wow, your hairissonice!" and I am glad that I did. Even if they thought I was a weirdo. :)

[rosie91]

i've wanted to tell sooo many people they have lovely hair but i've only managed it with people i know or vaguely know. i really love telling people it!!

[maria_asa]

I agree to some parts but I think it also depend on where you live and the culture there.

If I were to approach someone here and tell them I liked their hair I don't think it would be appreciated at all. It would rather be seen as creepy and very strange and would probably leave the person in question feeling uneasy rather than happy. Just my 2c.

[going gray]

Yes I agree too, twice at the supermarket I've complimented women with lovely hair. They both acted like they were caught like a deer in the headlights & said thank you. It made me feel weird afterwards!

[Solange]

I find it surprising that you only got two compliments in ten years about your classic length very thick hair! I think it may depend where you live. There are cities where people are more prone to offer a stranger a compliment...I live in such a place, and I am very grateful for all the support I've received. I also make a point to reciprocate when I see another longhair. I've once chased down a woman with beautiful silver hair that was between mid-back and waist length. She did tell me it made her day. :O)

[Katze]

I agree to some parts but I think it also depend on where you live and the culture there.

If I were to approach someone here and tell them I liked their hair I don't think it would be appreciated at all. It would rather be seen as creepy and very strange and would probably leave the person in question feeling uneasy rather than happy. Just my 2c.

Yes, it's the same here. I once complimented a stranger on her beautiful waist length grey hair and she looked at me like I had spit on her and rode off against the red light (we were both on bikes).

People here rarely give compliments; I think it is seen as insincere and pushy, somehow. I wish more people did give compliments, but am also embarassed when my American family comes over and gushes about everything... :D

All that said, I do try to compliment other women as much as I can but not feeling like the culture around me supports it can make it somewhat difficult to do so!

[WaimeaWahine]

Agree and disagree.

Some compliments - in context - are nice and certainly between women there should be more support. I prefer to give people their personal space for the most part because it's what I want.

Maybe that comes from having too many creepy hair encounters. :(

While the x-ray technician's behavior was okay with you, it would be sexual harassment if unwanted. How is anyone supposed to know if they don't ask before touching? And I think I've gotten the touching without permission a lot.

[MsBubbles]

I actually told a guy working in Microcenter that he had lovely hair, as I was passing on the way out the door. I did it in a fleeting way so there was no embarrassment (on my part!). He smiled, put his hands together, nodded his head and mouthed 'thank you'! He had a butt-length pony tail.

[LadyLongLocks]

I try to compliment if I can. Funny thing is they have no idea I have long hair too since it's in a bun. I love when someone notices my big bun and wonder how long my hair is. This has happened 3 times in my life. It is always by someone who once had long hair but cut it. They always seem kind of sad it's gone.

If The opportunity is right, I will compliment.
Compliments are nice but YOU have to be happy with your hair. Sorry you cut it and now miss it.
Sometimes it takes a drastic thing to make us really appreciate what we had.
Hope it grows back fast :)

[scalawaggirl]

I'm in the DO say something crowd because I think, if done correctly, it really can brighten someone's day - even if they do appear shocked. Hey, we've talked about how no one ever says anything to us, so not such a surprise, the shock, is it?

Strangers don't generally comment on my hair but friends have, though only peripherally (as in, "It's red"). However, IMO, longhairs are a separate breed and I don't expect my shorty friends to understand the phenom. Know what I mean?

Now, if I do see people whose hair I like, I darn sure will tell them. I do it for other things, like compliments on attire, etc. even though it doesn't happen often. I'm hardly a gushy person.

I still wish I'd told the native guy I saw on a corner in downtown Chicago that his hair was amazing. It was tailbone in a half-up. Really awesome to see and this was years ago.

So, now, I vow to compliment and at least say, "Hi". A short conversation is not that big of an investment and I look at it as paying it forward, in a way.

[Debra83]

I live in a town where most of the women have waist length or longer hair. It's pretty common place. But once in a while someone's hair "leaps" out at me and I just HAVE to say something to them. I've never met with resistance yet, just lots of smiles, and a few conversations about it. One lady (of a few) who has hair past her knees really surprised me at the length when she wore it down, and a few ladies I've told about this site - but I don't think anyone is on here yet. Oh well...I just keep growing....I'm glad I have you guys to share this goal with!

[Pixna]

I look at it as paying forward, too, Scalawaggirl. I make it a point to compliment someone if I find something attractive about them, especially hair. Even if it catches people off guard, it inevitably will brighten their day and lift their spirits. I know it would mine, so I want to do the same thing for others.

[bjt]

I agree--and try to compliment nice hair when I see it.
I must say, that I only get compliments when my hair is loose & completely down. So in the summer or when the weather is nice I do try and wear it down--I like to enjoy my long hair too. If I always wore it up, I'm not sure what the point would be! but in the winter when its cold (and I"m wearing layers & scarfs that make long hair a pain) I always wear it up and no one ever mentions it (even with all my pretty hair toys!).
so, that's my advice--let people see your hair now and again and you may be surprised on how many compliments you get!

[NiAosSi]

Oh man, I would get the *Death Stare* if I complimented anyone here. It's very rare here in NYC to hear a compliment from a stranger. And, when you do compliment people are so guarded. :suspect:

Then again, major cities harbor major pervs. Maybe that's why long hairs (me included) rarely go out with our down.:(

[twilight]

wow that xray thing is creepy... and yet, sort of really sexy at the same time. who has the golfballs to actually DO something like that?! it's nice that it didn't offend the OP though.

i am all for giving out compliments, but i too take the "say it quickly and rush off approach" just in case the other person is as embarrassed as i would be. i recently had an older, possibly not-all-there guy (in line at walmart, of course) reach for my hair and say "that's my favorite color..." kind of dreamily (of course i backed away quickly in case he actually intended to touch it). i was admittedly creeped-out... but it was flattering nonetheless.

i guess you have to take the good with the bad sometimes.

[canary4624]

I look at it as paying forward, too, Scalawaggirl. I make it a point to compliment someone if I find something attractive about them, especially hair. Even if it catches people off guard, it inevitably will brighten their day and lift their spirits. I know it would mine, so I want to do the same thing for others.

I agree! Don't let it stop you. For me, when I'm walking down the street / grocery shopping / whatever, I'm usually so caught up in my own thoughts that it takes some time to react to a compliment. Plus I can get a little shy. Even though I probably look uncomfortable, they really make me feel cheerful, and more connected with all the strangers on the street, if you know what I mean? Like I live in a friendly world.

I think any time the compliment is about something the person has obviously spent some effort on (taking care of the hair, dressing well, etc.) it's almost guaranteed to be appreciated. Others, e.g. "you're so tall", not so much :rolleyes:

[canary4624]

And was the x-ray guy hot? That determines whether it was creepy or not :D

[Carolyn]

Thank you for the reminder. I'm always so chicken to say something. If it's a one on one thing, I'm more likely to give a compliment. If the other woman's DH or BF are around I'm not likely to say anything as I've had a couple of hair compliments with Mr Cranky present and it was uncomfortable and wierd for me. He has no idea what goes on in my hairy little mind and I don't care to have him find out.

I have heard women who have cut their hair say if they had recieved more compliments they might have kept their hair long. I find that so sad. Perhaps if we LHC'ers were to hand out more compliments it could make a difference for someone.

When I give a compliment, I try to make it with a smile and say something quick and be on my way. It's really hard for me to say something to a stranger.

[rockkcor]

Long hair is art itself...
We all are but art of nature and life...
What else would anyone want?
Just grow it!

[embee]

IMHO it's worth risking a snub to unobtrusively say "... beautiful hair!" and keep right on going about your business.

Remember that many people have no idea how to respond to a nice out-of-the-blue remark from a stranger, so the deer-in-the-headlights look is not surprising. Even if they snub you, they'll remember the smile in your voice and that somebody thought "nice" to them.

That said, there are cultures where a compliment is *dangerous*, sorta like calling the attention of The Evil Eye - so you do need to know where you are and what the local attitude might be. Perhaps saying you wished you yourself had long beautiful hair.... ??

[Delila]

I think the x-ray tech was WAY out of line. Both in what they said, and what they did. Beyond creepy, into unprofessional and inappropriately sexual behavior.

There's a difference between a positive comment that will be welcome and a creepy/intrusive remark that won't.

[LittleOrca]

I think the x-ray tech was WAY out of line. Both in what they said, and what they did. Beyond creepy, into unprofessional and inappropriately sexual behavior.

There's a difference between a positive comment that will be welcome and a creepy/intrusive remark that won't.

Agreed.

I am a shy person at heart when it comes to conversing with others. I can do strange things that can be attention grabbers (eyes her mermaid tail and harps) but I usually don't talk to people.

I have given someone a compliment once on their hair and not felt strange about it. It was an African woman who was working as the hostess at a restaurant. Her hair instead of growing down grew out, so she had a fine and shiny afro she could not get to lay down. It was not a thick curl as other afros are, but indescribably gorgeous. We happened to pass in the restroom (the meeting place for all hair talk!) and we both blurted out how we loved the others hair. :D

[DragonLady]

The last time I complimented a complete stranger on her hair, we were both in the shampoo aisle at the local drugstore. I said "Your hair is just gorgeous", and she looked at me like I'd just threatened to shoot her. :(

I won't do that again. So if you have beautiful hair and I don't compliment you, please don't take it personal. I just don't want to make anyone believe I mean something evil by it. :(

[Trinka]

Here in the Midwest U.S., I would feel confident complimenting others on their hair, and have often gotten compliments myself.

However, on visits to the Northeast, people who I've tried to have the same conversation with have looked at me like I was about to try & sell them something or steal their wallet. :)

[Juneii]

most of the hair I see around my area is usually around bsl and completely blow fried so it's not exactly what I consider pretty.
I live in an area where there are a lot of people and people who talk to strangers are seen as creepy and weird. I don't know why that is but that is the reaction of most people when others are trying to be friendly.
I do like hair compliments, I was shopping with my mom and this lady walked by and told me I had pretty hair, it made my day even though my mom said that she was weird.

[bjt]

Oh man, I would get the *Death Stare* if I complimented anyone here. It's very rare here in NYC to hear a compliment from a stranger. And, when you do compliment people are so guarded. :suspect:

Then again, major cities harbor major pervs. Maybe that's why long hairs (me included) rarely go out with our down.:(

that's too bad that you've had this experience. I haven't--I live in NYC too and have never had that kind of problem. I've received lots of compliments on my hair (nothing creepy, just "you have beautiful hair" and that kinda thing.) I've given compliments too--and everyone always seems to be happy to be noticed. I've not once felt, or had anyone act like a compliment is a problem.

[plainjanegirl]

I saw a lady today at the grocery store with really pretty blonde/brownish hair. It was in a high up ponytail with what looked like a scrunchy and it was still to about waist/butt length so I don't know how long it would have been loose. My mom and I were trying to figure out if it was real. It was just so smooth and flawless looking. I wanted to say something but didn't want her to think I was weird. So was anyone from here at an Aldi grocery store today?

[JamieLeigh]

I always try to compliment others with longer hair, because it makes me feel good to receive them, and I like making people smile. :) (Of course, usually the compliment is returned, which is doubly satisfying! :):))

[AprilElf]

I think not getting compliments is the wrong reason for someone to cut their hair. It's about what makes you happy. Compliments are just an unexpected bonus, if they are given.

I like what LadyEliza said in her first post about others possibly being in the same boat as us: striving to grow long, healthy hair and maybe getting negative input from family and friends.
Keeping this in mind will (hopefully) help me screw up the courage to pay a compliment in real life next time I get the chance. :p

[Schnee]

I don't grow my hair for the pleasure or irritation of other people, so I rarely compliment other peoples hair. I care surprisingly little about hair, considering that I have a good amount of it. ;)

That being said, I do get a lot of comments and compliments on my hair. Not every day, but definitely weekly... I guess that's unusual?:confused: Most of the time it's ok, but it can be annoying too and I guess that is another reason I don't impose my opinion on strangers.;)

[az_sweetie01]

This is nice! I wasn't anywhere near classic but, maybe if someone had encouraged me instead of discouraging me, I might still be at waist! :p But, then again, April Elf has a very good point about compliments being the ultimate decider on whether to grow or cut.
I do also agree that one should NEVER just touch another's hair without being invited to do so. I am one of those "stay out of my bubble" people and it would make me uncomfortable if someone just started handling my hair without knowing me.

I will certainly make a point to very casually compliment the next long hair I run into :blossom:.

[harpyangel]

Because of this thread I complimented a man on his hair yesterday! I was playing the harp for the orchestra of my old school and one of the staff was this german guy with long hair...it was tied back but I still said that I really liked it and asked if he was going to keep growing it. He said he's really getting a bit old for long hair now (he must only be late 20s) but he's going to keep it for as long as he can. I said he should definitely grow it long :) He did seem grateful if a little weirded out...

Harpyangel xxx

[GlassEyes]

I'd love to compliment more people on their hair.

However, I'd also not like to appear to be hitting on them. Male or female. So no dice. XD;

[aragorn]

I'd love to compliment more people on their hair.

However, I'd also not like to appear to be hitting on them.

That's what stops me from complimenting ladies' hair. Fear that they will misintepret. Even more of a problem when I do actually feel that way about the girl, but don't want her to know.

[joyfulmom4]

I agree with the posters who've said that they only get compliments when they wear their hair down. I get a lot of compliments when I wear my hair down at work. But my workplace is one where I am indoors in an office setting, meeting new people all day. My hair doesn't tend to get tangled or in the way and it tends to be something of an "icebreaker" for people when they meet me for the first time. I think that's why I hear more comments on it. And of course, in this situation, I'm unlikely to hear anything negative. I'm sure the ones who don't care for it just don't say anything.

But when I wear my hair up, the only people who compliment it are other long-hairs. Or former long-hairs. It's only people who know long hair who understand how much hair is up there in that bun. Otherwise they have no idea and probably assume it's very ordinary. I always smile when someone recognizes my length while my hair is bunned. Those are the best compliments for some reason.

Anyway, to the OP, I'm so sorry you didn't get the positive feedback that might have given you encouragement. And I hope this time, you'll grow it out regardless, and enjoy it for yourself. :-)

[MadPirateBippy]

I try to make it a point to compliment at least one woman a day. We hear so many negative messages about ourselves and our bodies. It really makes people happy.

The first two months I did it, though? Were terrifying. I've only had two or three negative responses the whole time, though, and I've been doing it for... gosh, over two and a half years now.

If anyone wants to try this, PLEASE DO. It is so happy and life affirming and wonderful.

[sneakybea]

I feel I'm probably repeating myself here, but I am a big believer in complimenting people, and not just on their hair. When it's a stranger I'm complimenting, I usually just say what I'm thinking then walk away (not at breakaway speed, LOL---there's a knack to doing this without being rude). If you compliment someone without lingering, it's less awkward and the person doesn't feel as suspicious, I find.

[joyfulmom4]

I try to make it a point to compliment at least one woman a day. We hear so many negative messages about ourselves and our bodies. It really makes people happy.

The first two months I did it, though? Were terrifying. I've only had two or three negative responses the whole time, though, and I've been doing it for... gosh, over two and a half years now.

If anyone wants to try this, PLEASE DO. It is so happy and life affirming and wonderful.

You know, I admire this goal. I think it's a wonderful idea. And you are SO right about the negative messages. I work in an urgent care clinic and see people of all ages and backgrounds. I am often conscious of how awkward and downtrodden some folks appear, especially children and teens who are not conventionally pretty or older folks who are past the youthful ages our society glorifies. I've often made it a point to try to draw them out more and engage them in conversation to show interest in them and what they have to say. Also to find things to compliment them on. For an awkward teen who might be overweight or have bad skin or something, I think it probably means a lot to hear that they have great hair or beautiful eyes, etc. I will have to remind myself to do this even more often.

[Carolyn]

Giving out a compliment can really make someone's day, especially if they are having a bad day and things aren't going well. A compliment can turn it all around. I think a goal of a compliment a day is wonderful. It takes so little to say something nice and it can have such a big effect. As women we should be supporting each other and so often it's just the opposite. How hard would it be to find something nice to say to just one person?

[MadPirateBippy]

You know, I admire this goal. I think it's a wonderful idea. And you are SO right about the negative messages. I work in an urgent care clinic and see people of all ages and backgrounds. I am often conscious of how awkward and downtrodden some folks appear, especially children and teens who are not conventionally pretty or older folks who are past the youthful ages our society glorifies. I've often made it a point to try to draw them out more and engage them in conversation to show interest in them and what they have to say. Also to find things to compliment them on. For an awkward teen who might be overweight or have bad skin or something, I think it probably means a lot to hear that they have great hair or beautiful eyes, etc. I will have to remind myself to do this even more often.

Most of the time I try to compliment older women who are still beautiful- they obviously put a lot of effort into how they look, and it always surprises them and makes them happy.

I think the biggest change this has made in my life is that it's put me in the habit of looking for the beautiful in people. I cannot tell you what a wonderful thing that is, when you just sort of look for it all the time- you see so much more of the loveliness in humanity.

[Pixna]

It's true that if we look for something beautiful in people, we will find it -- even if it is the most unexpected "something." Many, many years ago a young woman volunteered at an organization where I was working. She was not physically attractive, almost shocking to look at, and bordered or anorexically thin. But then I saw her hands. They looked like they were made of porcelain, with long, delicate, graceful fingers, and very angelic. I couldn't help but compliment her on her hands, and I know it made her feel special and beautiful.

As long as a compliment is sincere -- not flattery or false appreciation with an objective for gain -- I can't see how it wouldn't make someone feel great, even if she or he is startled by it or are unable to accept it at the time it is given.

[HoneyMouse]

I get compliments from guys all the time about my hair It really perks up my day.

[bjt]

That's what stops me from complimenting ladies' hair. Fear that they will misintepret. Even more of a problem when I do actually feel that way about the girl, but don't want her to know.

hey there--just compliment someone in passing, don't stop to chat with them. That way, there is nothing to misinterpret. just smile, say you have nice hair, and move on your way. :)

[Nevermore]

I think the x-ray tech was WAY out of line. Both in what they said, and what they did. Beyond creepy, into unprofessional and inappropriately sexual behavior.

There's a difference between a positive comment that will be welcome and a creepy/intrusive remark that won't.

Agreed. I'm glad the OP didn't feel that way about her experience, but I would feel absolutely violated and would certainly take steps to have that person fired, if possible.

[Silver Grace]

I do so agree that a compliment, sincerely meant and delivered with a smile, can certainly make my day! As bjt says: smile, compliment, move on.

[LadyEliza]

Seems that people think the reason I cut my hair is that I didn't get compliments. No - I said that if I had recieved more compliments it might have made me push through. What made me cut my hair is that it went from dead straight to curly. I had dead straight hair to almost classic - and an angel halo of curls! So I cut it. Was very surprised to find that, at the age of 40, my new hair was curly. It still is, but is now at APL.

As for the XRay guy - yes, he was good looking, in an older way. It was a totally unthreatening encounter. We weren't alone in the room, the other tech was there as well. He got pleasure from touching my hair - but why does everyone go 'OH GROSE! SEXUAL PERVERT!!!" There are other sorts of pleasure. He was just enjoying something that was beautiful and very unusual. He gave me no bad vibes at all, and really - it's not your job to read into things. You CAN'T know how you would have reacted - you weren't there. You can think you know, but until you are in that possition you can't know.

As to people looking insulted or like a deer in headlights - I think that is a very sad comment on our society. People are so unuse to being given possitive feedback and compliments that they DON'T know how to handle it. Even if they are rude it could just be a reaction to not knowing how to take a compliment. Don't give in because of it. I'm sure that by the time they get home they will be thinking more about it, and be pleased inside, even if they have a bit of trouble showing it on the outside.

[susiemw]

I am also in the group that likes to give out compliments. It's nice to acknowledge something nice about others and I have found that people appreciate it. They might be initially surprised by it but that's ok too.

On a recent trip to Alaska I ran into several women with stunning silver hair or racing stripes. I *had* to compliment them on it! It was gorgeous. Not only did they appreciate it, they wanted to talk about it!

on another trip, a woman complimented me on my braid (rope braid I think) and i ended up telling her about this site and giving her a quick braiding lesson. She was delighted. So was I. It's nice to share. I would have never learned to rope braid without this site.

Susan

[~GypsyCurls~]

I agree that everyone should compliment others more! I have had such negative reactions to appearance, weather it be the way I'm dressed or my hair. It makes my day when someone compliments my outfit, or my hair length/curls/hair color. I admit that sometimes I am silent and just admire someone from afar, chalk that up to shyness :/

[neon-dream]

I've had a few people tell me they love my hair and I love it.
So when I see someone with nice hair, I tell them :)
No one seems so shocked here, which I'm happy about.

[intothemist1999]

X-ray guy's comment WAS creepy, but it did make me chuckle :D

2 comments in 10 years kinda sucks. However, I imagine short hair gets 0 comments (?). Just a theory.

What's most creepy about the X-ray guy is that he actually SAID it! People are funny things.

[Beatnik Guy]

Often I read here that people say they see someone with beautiful long hair and that they wanted to say something, but didn't, for one reason or another.

PLEASE DO!!!!

Thanks for the reminder! I try to compliment long hair, even if it sometimes means a slight detour. :D



However, I'd also not like to appear to be hitting on them.

This is a reason to make compliments 'hit-and-run'; unless the recipient wants a conversation, it's best to move right along.

Returned compliments are nice too, of course, but that's not the purpose of the interaction, right, y'all? :wink:

[Unicorn]

Some years ago I had plaited extensions to about classic length. I wore my hair like this for about 6 months in all. I wa amazed at how many positive comments and compliments I had from men, women and children. I never had any negatives at all. I live in the UK so I don't know if the UK generally has a different attitude to long hair? I have to admit I've never come across all the nagativity I keep reading about on the boards, but I have come across a lot of positives wether about my (artificially) long hair or the genuine long hair of others.


Unicorn