Being pressured to cut by my family

[Shadow Walker]

It's rather frustrating. :mad:

Whenever I'm around my mom, she she's always telling me that I need to get 3 or 4 inches trimmed off my hair because "it's getting too long" and "my ends looks terrible and split". She's always pestering me about how long I'm going to grow it, and every time I tell her I'm just going to let it go she says that it's way too long as it is. She's been trying to get my 12 year old brother to get his hair cut because it's starting to get shaggy (he wants to grow his longer like me), and she wants me to get mine chopped so he'll agree to a haircut. My 22 year old brother is constantly telling me to "cut my hippie hair" and "grow up", so I'm more than a little frustrated at the moment...

I can only imagine what my co-workers are going to say and do when I go back to work in the spring. If I'm getting this kind of response from my family, then I guess this is going to be a rough work year...

[LawyerGirl]

Just want to say that you have absolutely magnificent hair!

[Auryn]

Tell them it's your hair and you will choose when and IF you ever want to cut it.

Your hair is gorgeous ^_^

[renarok]

Just tell her ok. Then don't. It is your hair. I love your hair, it is really beautiful.

[EdG]

My parents have been complaining about my long hair for two decades now. I have a lot of experience in ignoring them. :D

Shadow Walker, you are an adult. You get to make your own decisions. And it's your hair. :)
Ed

[Fluke]

Is this something they have been saying for a long time, or has it been "spurred on" by the fact that they just noticed that your hear is REALLY long and decided they don't like it?
If the latter is the case you might be in for a rough time while you stand your ground, but hopefully they will let it go when they understand that you do what YOU like and that it's YOUR decision and YOUR hair :)
Good luck!

ETA: About your worries about work, in my experience it's usually family who says the nasty stuff, I don't know why family think it's perfectly ok to say hurtful things, but people in general aren't usually that rude. Unless it's has some impact on your work (safety or health) you'll probably get comments, but nothing like what family would say :flower:

[Fluke]

Oh, and your hair looks absolutely fantastic!! I'm stunned every time I see your signature :)

[Shadow Walker]

Fluke, they've been saying it for awhile now, but much for frequently as of late. I know that cutting is ultimately my choice, but it doesn't help matters when all I hear is how terrible and split it looks and that I need to chop it.

And thanks for the nice compliments everyone, it helps.

[Fluke]

Fluke, they've been saying it for awhile now, but much for frequently as of late. I know that cutting is ultimately my choice, but it doesn't help matters when all I hear is how terrible and split it looks and that I need to chop it.

And thanks for the nice compliments everyone, it helps.

It's never easy when your a victim of that kind of behaviour, no matter what it's about. I don't really have any good advice for that, it all comes down to what you feel you can handle and what you can't.
Take care :)

[Sunshine69]

some people don't like it when you don't fit into their idea of who you are or who you should be. so sometimes they pressure you. I think Ed is right about ignoring it. Try not to be dragged into an argument or a conversation.

Your hair is beautiful. I'm sure lots of people are secretely envying it. My 9 year old son has shoulder length hair now, and I hear comments like "such beautiful hair is wasted on a boy" and "how long are you going to let him grow it before you make him cut it?" Many people seem to be bothered by the fact that he has long beautiful hair. Maybe they feel this is a threat to societal norms.

P.S.
I doubt that your mother is commenting about split ends because she's concerned about the health or beauty of your hair. She is using that to make you feel insecure about yourself and undermine your confidence so that she can bully you into cutting it. I have lots of split ends and nobody ever has told me to my face.

[janeytilllie]

I'm so sorry about your situation

You have beautiful lovely hair!

My BF has BSL red hair and his family pressure him to cut.
I also have many strong debates with my mum about long hair. She debates with me that I should have a bob that my long looks all funny with layers. I ignore her and my BF ignores what his famly says because only one thing matters........ ;)

Only do what makes YOU happy :D not others.

[Wanita]

I wish my hair looked as good as yours. :)

Have you ever tried telling them how women love your hair?

("it's a chick magnet") :D

[kdaniels8811]

Your hair is magnificent, don't cut it! Family pressures are usually all about control of the person, not the thing they are complaining about. So your hair is not the issue. Hang strong, it looks great and I agree about it being a chick magnet.

[Sunshine69]

...My BF has BSL red hair...

What size bra does he wear? :eyebrows:

[EdG]

My 9 year old son has shoulder length hair now, and I hear comments like "such beautiful hair is wasted on a boy" :justy:

(I finally found an appropriate use for that emoticon. :D)
Ed

[Noctifer]

Dont cut it, your hair looks lovely.

[Carolyn]

I think your hair looks great. The question is do YOU think it's split and too long? If not then it isn't too long. I don't know your family dymanics but can you just say to your mom "I'll think about it"? And then not do anything but of course you've thought about what she said. That's worked for me.

You are an adult and certainly old enough to make your own decisions about your hair and appearance. How about wearing your hair in a braid or a multi banded ponytail when you are around your family?

[DavidN]

I sure hope you hang in there, Shadow Walker, and I think you have an outstanding head of hair in fabulous condition. I don't see any evidence of the splits that some members of your family are telling you that you have, and your ends are so thick and even. Remember it is YOUR hair and it should be your decision alone what you do with your hair.

[Themyst]

Please don't let the pressure get to you.

Non-conformists are cool!:D

[harpgal]

I don't know your family dymanics but can you just say to your mom "I'll think about it"? And then not do anything but of course you've thought about what she said. That's worked for me.Evasion tactics have always worked for me, also.

How about wearing your hair in a braid or a multi banded ponytail when you are around your family?Keeping your hair contained in some way may silence your family, SW. At least, give it a try. That definitely has worked for me.

My opinion? If you cut, just do a very small trim (1/4-1/2 inch). If your ends are a little uneven, that should do the trick and make it look as if there aren't any splits. I think your hair is awesome, BTW!

[punky]

Wear your hair how ever you want.
Like the song says (can't please everyone, so you got to please yourself) :)

[maskedrose]

I've always been a huge fan of your hair, and I hope you've listened to everyone else and decided to ignore the bad comments. It's gorgeous now and will look incredible as it gets longer.

It's interesting that your mom phrases her comments like she's concerned about the health of your hair - mine does the same thing. Whenever I talk about getting a small 1/2" trim she's always saying "why not get a good 4 or 5 inches off? That would take care of all the splits" - It's very frustrating, as you know.

I was at a Scottish Arts festival last night, where there were lots of guys with long hair, many of them wearing kilts and let me tell you - every one of them looked incredible and got lots of lingering looks from the women in attendance. The most stunning of them all was a group of guys in their mid-20's who all had at least mid-back hair and were very traditionally dressed - they looked like a bunch of highland pirates and were totally hard core - I'm pretty positive that no one gave them any nasty comments on the street about the hair or the "dresses", for fear of their lives :)

[Lamb]

I just find it screaming hilarious that your brother is telling you to "grow up," while ordering you about in the same sentence. ;)

Well, tell him you agree with him about the first part. You have grown up, and won't let others dictate how you should wear your own hair. :D

[Scrofula]

. The most stunning of them all was a group of guys in their mid-20's who all had at least mid-back hair and were very traditionally dressed - they looked like a bunch of highland pirates and were totally hard core - I'm pretty positive that no one gave them any nasty comments on the street about the hair or the "dresses", for fear of their lives :)

*Swoon*

Ok I'm not going to ******ise your hair because I'll get rightfully modded to pieces, but I will say that I admire a man who is strong in his convictions. Your family are probably trying to protect you (and / or themselves) from negative public opinion, but we are none of us in this long hair growing business for the benefit of other people..if you love your hair keep it.

[Kirin]

I've wanted to say this for a while....... but have never had such a broad opening as this.......

You are smokin' hot my friend, and cutting your hair would be a crime against such magnificent oozing lusciousness.

There, I said it. Screw 'em..... cutting your hair would be defacing a work of art. 'nuff said.

[bte]

I had this kind of pressure from my family until I got married and left home - the pressure is still there but unspoken.

It's your hair, so it's your choice to have it as you wish - and it looks great. Ignore the pressure!

[Beakywitch]

You look FABULOUS with your lovely long hair, it would be such a shame to cut it. My partner has grown his hair to his waist, it's not in great condition and his mum asks him when he's going to get it cut every time we visit her. He doesn't want to cut it and has totally, stubbornly and rebelliously continued to grow. :D

Beaky

[LutraLutra]

You're 25 years old, you're an adult - no one, but no one has any right to tell you what to do with your body. I know it's harder (or different, anyway) for guys to grow their hair, because long hair 'means' something different on men then it does on a woman. I know what that feels like because I wore my hair very short for a very long time, and that's an unsual thing for a woman to do. Your hair looks great. Hang on in there, and don't cut unless you want to. :)

[Heidi_234]

I agree with harpgal - when dealing with family evasion works very well, and putting your hair up and away from your family's thought would help alot. If you do a really messy folded in half ponytail bun thing with a hair elastic, it would make your hair seem much shorter (from a my experience - I did this to work and people had no idea my hair was longer than APL).
About work - I remember reading how nastily you were treated by your co-workers. I think you should get some attitude with people like that, don't let them bully you! You can easily look mighty scary bat head eating metalhead, and use to to your advantage. Better have people afraid of you than putting you down! My co-workers think I'm a witch and it works well for me, because I'm not that good at standing for myself or thrashing people back.
And don't listen to your brother and his infantile comments.

[Samara Morgan]

Shadow Walker I've admired your hair for a long time and I think it would be a shame if you cut it just because your family think you should do it :nono:

I know it must be hard but I agree that braiding it or having it off of your face might make them forget about it for a while. In my opinion nobody should have to listen to others when it comes to appearances and if you're enjoying your hair the length that it is, you should keep it that way :agree:

[LittleOrca]

I feel your pain. My aunt loves short hair and hates that my hair is so long. No matter how I take care of it with vitamins, quality products, or anything, she is harassing me to get a cut. I can't count the time times I have heard "Just to your shoulder." or "I know the perfect place to go!" I think that she really resents not having the hair herself and therefore I shouldn't either. Everyone else in my family has short hair [shoulder length or higher], especially at this time of the year with my mom being a human farm for Locks of Love.

I know that it can really rag on you, and sometimes eat at you that these people seem to have a lack of respect for you if they keep harassing you. They can love you just fine but their respect be a little on the downside. I told my family that I loved them and that I found they were not being respectful to me in my choice to keep my hair. If they didn't like it, then I was sorry for them but I was not going to make myself miserable and even a tinge depressed because they didn't like my 36 inches of hair.

I hope you stay strong and there are a lot of people here that I know will be willing to give hugs, advice, and support to you and anyone in this kind of situation. :)

[Pixna]

Shadow Walker, your hair is gorgeous -- healthy, glossy, and lush. It doesn't look damaged whatsoever. Parents often find something "wrong" with their kids, regardless of their age, and harp on that until they get their way. Sometimes it's a control issue that parents' can't let go of. If you were to cut your hair (which I certainly hope you do not!!!), they would likely find something else about you that "needs" to be changed.

Yes, you are bucking societal conventions. So what?! That's part of what makes you unique. I agree with others who suggest that you tie it back, braid it, or wear it in another style (not down) so that it isn't loose around your family or at work. If it's not "in their face," they will find it harder to complain about it.

Personally, I love men who have long, luxurious hair and wear it well, like you do. I think long hair is masculine on men, just as long hair is feminine on women. If other people don't like it, or don't like something else about your physical appearance, it's their problem, not yours. The challenge is for you to realize and accept that and let their views roll off your back. Not an easy challenge (and I'm sure we've all had this challenge in one form or another), but a good one to start working on.

Good luck, Shadow Walker. Hang in there and stay strong! Let us know how it goes.

[FallenAngel]

Oh, I just want to agree with all the rest here and complement you on your hair. Long hair on guys... I love it! :D And YOU do look great with you long hair.

So sorry about your situation with your family.

If they are putting a lot of pressure on you about this... how about telling them that it gets to you, and that you get sad/upset? Maybe they don't understand that they are hurting you. I don't know if it would help, though...

I hope you follow your own heart, that's the only way to be happy in the long run.

[Oberon88]

Everyone has pretty much said what I wanted to say about doing what YOU want to do.

But I wanted to tell you that your hair is gorgeous and looks really healthy. =D

[CrystalStar]

Your hair is absolutely amazing, just ignore them and they'll get used to it :) No-one can nag forever! :p

[az_sweetie01]

I also think you have magnificent hair and agree that you are an adult capable of deciding what you do and don't like.

Maybe a little trim will help you to feel less bothered by the negative comments? I don't see any splits or damage, just awesome hair, for what its worth ;)

[Eryka]

Take what I say with a grain of salt, my mother and I never had a healthy relationship and I doubt we ever will.

Obviously by the constant commenting, your hair makes THEM uncomfortable. It brings out or reminds them of something they are not dealing with. If their biggest gripe is that the ends look rough, then my guess is that they are just trying to control one of, if not the biggest forms of self expression you have. Either that or they feel children are a reflection and extention of themselves and are "embarrassed" to claim you. They just don't know how to handle the kind of attention you recieve. Also, they could simply be jealous. Parents are used to being the "big dogs on campus" and most don't like feeling usurped by their children in the attention department. Shallow, but terribly common. Parents are people, first and foremost. And every person has issues, big or small.

As for what to do, you can take the high road and talk to your parents one at a time. Say mom, cut through the crap, whats the real deal with you and my hair. Have the same conversation with your dad. You may be surprised by the answers you get. Most likely your 22yr old brother is just going along with what your parents are saying, the ol' kiss-ass routine.

If however being diplomatic doesn't work, next time your parents or anyone comments, say something right back. Say, hey mom, your nose is kind of flat and hooked, you should really get that shortened and fixed. It doesn't do anything for you." See how long it takes for it to kick in. Of course, thats the equivalent of a sucker punch and when you start throwing down like that, you have to be ready for it. Parents or not. Family or not.

Regarding work, I've seen a few posts you've created on that one. The best I can advise is to hold your ground and don't just settle for being verbally beaten like a red headed stepchild. Some would say don't waste your breath on them but this has been going on a long time. Your workplace has now made a game of this, a right of passage. Personally, I wouldn't take too kindly to that. If memory serves me your boss isn't supportive either. Tough spot for sure and I know you don't want to be known as a whistle blower. That would really make work suck. Next time just get nose to nose with someone. Don't touch or even talk to them. Just hold a staring contest at 3 inches from their face. Give them a look like you can't believe they would say something that stupid to your face.

Please keep us updated.

[kam984420]

Don't get it cut unless you want to. Your hair is pretty healthy Shadow. Just ignore them. They'll eventually quit.:cheese:

[Nera]

I think your hair looks great! And I find it hard to imagine how something as natural as long hair could be a provocation in any way.

Sorry for my terrible English. It's not my day for speaking English. I just wanted to say that I think you should present yourself just how you feel like presenting yourself(:

[HeavyHenry]

Never let anyone dictate your life youll end up miserable I let people do that till I was 16 now I love my hair!!

[CopperHead]

I've wanted to say this for a while....... but have never had such a broad opening as this.......

You are smokin' hot my friend, and cutting your hair would be a crime against such magnificent oozing lusciousness.

There, I said it. Screw 'em..... cutting your hair would be defacing a work of art. 'nuff said.

I agree completely! I may be an older lady, but WOW! :thudpile:

[joyellen]

Your hair is just lovely. I'd sure kill to have your head of hair! Please don't cut it unless that's what you want to do :)

[Xandergrammy]

One of the advantages of age is the ability to not give a hoot what anyone else thinks or says. The only advice I can give you is to wear your hair so that it makes YOU happy and ignore everyone else. Most people, when they realize that you're not interested in their opinion, will shut up. (Most people). Good luck to you. Your hair is gorgeous.

[Amoretti]

Telling you you have lots of "split ends" is a way to get you to cut it without seeming too harsh. It's just a ploy. Don't give in to it! Your hair is truly magnificent!!! :thud:

[Tabitha]

How about wearing your hair in a braid or a multi banded ponytail when you are around your family?


Keeping your hair contained in some way may silence your family, SW. At least, give it a try. That definitely has worked for me.


I know it must be hard but I agree that braiding it or having it off of your face might make them forget about it for a while.

The other reason this might be a good idea is that a braid makes your hair look shorter. Sneaky eh? :twisted:

I think your hair looks great and suits you really well. With the beard it makes for a very classic look.

[Pixna]

I've wanted to say this for a while....... but have never had such a broad opening as this.......

You are smokin' hot my friend, and cutting your hair would be a crime against such magnificent oozing lusciousness.

There, I said it. Screw 'em..... cutting your hair would be defacing a work of art. 'nuff said.

Couldn't have said it better, Kirin!!! :gabigrin:

Eryka, your advice and comments are right on the money. :thumbsup:

Copperhead, your hair is stunning!!! I'm in the "older lady" category, too. When I reach your age (in two years) I can only hope my hair will be as long and beautiful as yours. And, as a sister "older lady," ditto on the WOW! for Shadow Walker's hair.

Although I know this is a serious problem for Shadow Walker (and likely others here, especially the guys), I must say that I am enjoying this thread and all the outpouring of support. I caved in to other people's pressure and views (including my own warped ones) when I cut my long hair, and I plan to never, ever do that again. I hope my pain and regret over that can prevent someone else from following that same path (are you listening, Shadow Walker?). All of the advice and support in this thread is probably sage for all of us to hear -- those who are already longhairs and those aspiring to be. I appreciate everything everyone has said. I know it has helped me, I hope it helps Shadow Walker in particular. :grouphug:

[melrose1985]

I'm so sorry to hear this... I think your hair is BEAUTIFUL!!!! why do people think that having long hair is childish? You said your brother told you grow up... What does having long hair have to do with being "grown up"? NOTHING!!!!

I know you know this... But don't cut it because they are telling you too.

[purplebubba]

Been there, lived through it, still have long hair.
And it's twice as long now.

How? I ignored them. I never said a word back when they said something.

I still don't. Your hair is for you not for them.

My brother had long hair for a while. He now wears it buzzed. No amount of the "___ looks so nice with his short hair" comments from grandma got me to cut mine.

My grandma and my dad have now gone to the grave and my hair is still long. That sounds cold but it's the truth.

[jera]

I've got to agree with Kirin and CopperHead. Your hair is awesome. Some of the best I've seen on a guy. Even here. :D

Maybe your 22 year old brother is envious of your hair. Sounds like sibling rivalry. Anyway, if you cut that gorgeous mane, you'll seriously disappoint the women on this board. Your hair is sizzling. :demon:

[Gladtobemom]

How do YOU feel about your hair. Your mom is allowed to have an opinion, and to say it ONCE. It's your hair.

P.S. Pretty magnificent hair too.

[Ponytale]

I just have to add--yes, there is a bad stigma about guys with long hair, but at the same time, when I was getting my PhD, many of the men in my grad cohort had long hair. So next time your brother says you need to grow up and cut your hair, you could say something like, "Grow up? I am just cultivating my grad school look".

[Silver & Gold]

I think it is always a challenge for a man in our society to wear long hair. It isn't common and it isn't considered 'conservative' in the business world. If it was holding you back on getting a job in your chosen field I could understand how this would be a difficult choice. But this is your family nagging you. Families do that. If it isn't about hair, it's about how you dress, or how you live or what you do for a living . . . some families just pick at each other. I would shrug it off. Tell your mother that you understand how she feels but that you will make your own choices about how you wish to look and you will respect her choices on how she chooses to wear her hair or dress or whatever.

[ChatoyantLocks]

Your hair is gorgeous! I'm going to have to join the crowd that thinks it would be a crime to cut it! :)

You could just say, "I like my hair long" every time someone pesters you about it, and then change the subject, or, if necessary, politely leave the room. If you can avoid getting dragged into conversations about it, eventually they should get bored and quit bringing it up as often.

I suspect there are a lot of people around you who like your hair, but don't say anything about it directly to you, so you have only been getting the negative feedback from your family. I hope all the positive feedback you have been getting from this thread helps!

[kam984420]

I think it is always a challenge for a man in our society to wear long hair. It isn't common and it isn't considered 'conservative' in the business world. If it was holding you back on getting a job in your chosen field I could understand how this would be a difficult choice. But this is your family nagging you. Families do that. If it isn't about hair, it's about how you dress, or how you live or what you do for a living . . . some families just pick at each other. I would shrug it off. Tell your mother that you understand how she feels but that you will make your own choices about how you wish to look and you will respect her choices on how she chooses to wear her hair or dress or whatever.

I couldn't of said it better myself. If my parents aren't bugging me about growing my hair out since im a guy, then its about my chosen career field. I've told my mother more than once, she complains about every little detail and she needed to STOP. She didn't care. My father doesn't want me to get into my chosen profession. I don't care. I think he gave up convincing me to go another route with my career since he saw that he wasn't getting anywhere. I have my degree in my chosen career field and as soon as the economy turns around, i'll get my career back on track.

[shwankie]

So, I am a gal who tends to prefer men with short hair and no facial hair, and I still think you're smokin' hot with your gorgeous hair! I know countless men with long hair, and can only think of one with hair as nice as yours (and he's hot, too--I suspect that my preference for short hair is more to do with the fact that so few men who grow it long actually take good care of it, since I think the two guys who do take care of it are really attractive).

Family is a pain sometimes. My family wishes I'd cut my hair, too, saying they like me with short hair (they tend to equate long hair with poverty for some reason, and they wish to distance themselves from our poor past, I think). I have a pretty face and can wear short hair, but it does add about 10 lbs. to me and take away a few inches I can't really afford to lose.:p And I get stopped in the street and complimented on my hair. I still model, for crying out loud. I'm clearly not ugly with long hair. Neither are you--you look amazing, and I sure didn't see any glaring split ends in the pictures. It's a ploy.

Long hair has the stigma of being "childish," "non-conformist/hippie," "unprofessional," or whatever for both men and women, but it is definitely worse for men. I feel for you. You've already gotten all the advice I'd give, which is to tell them to deal with it and be quiet, then ignore them. So, I'll just say that you obviously love your hair, and feel good in it, and that shows. It looks great because you're comfortable in it, and confidence is the sexiest thing there is in either sex. Enjoy your hair, and don't let those who are less confident get to you.

[DiyaC]

Shadow Walker,

You have the kind of hair I want on myself. I'm just going to repeat what everybody else here has been saying - It's YOUR hair and YOU make your own decisions. It's evident that you love your hair despite what your family says. Don't let them change that. Ever. Sometimes people voice their opinions without caring about whether you really need it or not. In this case, you DON'T need it and you DON'T have to take it.

[suziwon]

Jumping on the bandwagon to say that your hair is SMOKING! This from a woman who prefers long hair on a man (if it's well cared for that is).

I'll also twentyeth (or more) the sentiment that family preference is not a reason for cutting.

[BranwenWolf]

I love your hair- it's so thick and healthy looking!

I tend to get rude when people tell me to cut my hair "Oh really? Why don't you get a bigger brain and a smaller mouth? " but returning rude for rude may not be the best thing for your family.

It's really hard to distance yourself from your parents in your 20's, as I've found out. My mom wants me to get a masters and I'm so damn sick of being in school. I need her to realize her dreams are not mine.

[susiemw]

but it doesn't help matters when all I hear is how terrible and split it looks and that I need to chop it.
.

I understand....but, I suspect it's not true. Your hair is
GORGEOUS!.... and if anyone would know if the ends were
in bad shape it would be you.
They just know that saying that you have split ends is a way
to trigger you to want to fix that problem and get them what
they want at the same time. Very underhanded tactic.

Family can be so challenging. I don't have any words of wisdom.... but your hair is gorgeous so don't let the naysayers get to you too much... I know it's tough when it's family!

Susan

[Robbi Dehlinger]

Hi!

Well, you can be nice about it wheh you tell her to "buzz off?"

Your hair is soo pretty if I did not know it was you, I would say it was a woman's hair when seen from the rear (I HOPE that is a compliment??)

Just hang in there:)

[janeytilllie]

What size bra does he wear? :eyebrows:


lol :o I couldnt think of a length to describe his hair length he's not APL, mid back or Waist he's about BSL lol :D

[NiAosSi]

Don't cut. You have beautiful hair. It is really irksome that people equate long hair (on men, mostly) as immature. Some of the men on this board are the most mature and responsible men I've seen. And, I've seen some really immature gits outside of here - guess what? Short hair! Does it really matter the length?:confused: Idiots are idiots...

Don't ever do what other people tell you, you're never happy if you do. Just shrug it off. It's beautiful and 7 pages are telling you we love your hair! :D

[lorig713]

I hope you will ignore them. They must not get that you are an adult and can make your own decisions.

You are is awesome! :)

[Darkhorse1]

You have amazing hair! I would tell your family that this is part of who you are, and if they don't accept it, it means they aren't accepting you and that is hurtful. Communication is key for something like this. Your family should accept you no matter what. I mean, it's just hair! So what if it's long? So what if your brother wants to grow his long? It sounds as if your parents don't want you to express yourself as an individual. If your 22 year old brother is growing out his hair, that's his choice. My brother went through this phase, and it looked horrid only because a) he had really wavey hair and b) he didn't take care of it. Your hair is very well cared for and looks tidy.

Good luck!

[Denebi]

Your family wants you to grow up? OK, then, being grown up means that you are responsible for your own live and nobody else is. So it's totally up to you what you are doing with your hair. As a grown-up, you can decide what you want to do with it. And if you like to keep growing then they have to accept it.

It's a pity, your mum should be proud of her son and his beautiful hair. Your hair is great, it looks healthy and not one inch too long!

[3azza]

Your hair looks nice. If you think so too and don't feel like cutting it, then dont. By the time you're ready to cut it, you will not ask the advice on this thread, you will just go for it.

[Shadow Walker]

Wow, thanks for all the replies everyone, I really appreciate it. It really does help to be able to vent about things like this that get under your skin after awhile. I'm going to do my best to ignore it, but if they keep pressing the issue then I might have to lay down the law and tell them I'm not going to do anything with my hair simply because it may not suit them.

[intothemist1999]

Shadow Walker, you are an adult. You get to make your own decisions. And it's your hair. :)
Ed


What Ed said! I was chatting with some pals yesterday and we were celebrating being in the over-40 set. Substitute "adult". "I can eat chocolate before dinner if I want to!", "I can go to bed when I want and know I'll regret it in the morning," "I can wear mismatched clothes if I so choose," etc. You get the point. I'm "so old" I can do whatever I d**n well please :D

[Amara]

How frustrating. Even if you are convinced you're going to stick to your guns it's still tiresome to hear nagging. I'm sorry you have to go through this. Hopefully they'll realize the most important thing about your hair is that *you* like it.

[Gilly]

Shadow, its your hair and its up to you what you do with it, NOBODY else has the right to tell you what to do with your own hair, if they don't like it, then its their problem certainy not yours.
Your hair is utterly thudworthy :thudpile:Please keep growing! :rockerdud

[purplebubba]

One of the tricks I used for ignoring comments was that everytime they said something I was mentally telling myself that they just tacked on another 6 months of time before I'd change anything. I never said it to them. I was just thinking it.

Basically it was me thinking "You had to open your mouth. Well even if I was thinking about doing something I'm not going to for awhile"
And it will be 15 years in April.

[KnightsLady]

Oh, I love some of these replies. (PurpleBubba, you made me laugh out loud!)

Shadow Walker,

I can't say anything better than what has already been said, ... except perhaps... if you cut now, I'll beat you to classic!!! :p (and you wouldn't want that, would you?)

Keep growing! Your hair & goatee combo is gorgeous.

[paper]

I'm sorry you have to go through this Shadow Walker. I know it's frustrating and I'll never understand how some people feel they can tell others what they should, or shouldn't do with their hair!

My Mom is the same way too. I usually wear my hair up when I'm around her. My 2 oldest sons have longish hair. And every get together we have, first thing my Mom says to them, is "cut your hair!" I'm sure they hate it, but they seem to brush it right off.

[twilight_faerie]

I don't think ignoring it is the way to go in this situation. If I was in this situation, I'd confront those family members pressuring me to cut my hair in a firm, confident, direct member. I'd probably say something like "my hair is on my body, not yours. It is my choice as to what I want to do with it, and it's none of your business. Trying to pressure me into cutting it will not influence my decision on growing my hair, and it's annoying me very much."

[patissegrietje]

I think everybody already gave you the advice i would want to give too, so i'll just stick with complimenting you on your hair; it is absolutely gorgeous and healthy looking and makes you stand out in a crowd (in a positive way)

Wish you luck with the family and hope you don't let them talk you into cutting...

[sissadawn]

Just wanted to drop by and say you have lovely hair! My family hasn't ever told me to cut, they actually got rather concerned when I had a brief spell of wanting to cut I'm not sure if it's because they're so used to seeing my long hair or because they know I would do the exact opposite if they told me to do something :D Good luck!

[RavennaNight]

Shadow Walker, your hair is really healthy looking and you rock your look. You are one who truly owns their look, as we can see in your album. Not to mention it also gives you killer stage presence. As for your family, say it once to each of them, and say it firm. You are grown, it's your hair. And it is not split looking. Stay strong! Don't cave!

[Fireweed]

Be strong stand your ground and keep it long.

[Giggy2]

For every 1 person that doesn't like your hair length, there's 300 that do! ;) Who cares what they all say... we're all that matters! :eyebrows:

[suicides_eve]

ba who needs family...


j/k but really, your hair is stunning and i know the pressure of family and co workers can be rough (relationship advice any one???) just go with it for a while and they will completely forget and start on something eles...

[nessthing]

Ditto on all the containment. My mom, who didn't like my hair, confided to me about a year ago that she liked my hair braided. She said it was "neat but interesting" or something like that. Like it was the presentable and low-key she wanted and the unique I wanted?

But yeah, braids turned a nonbeliever into a tolerant. Give 'em a shot.

Also tell your brother the ladies like it.

[ReddishRocks]

Just tell her ok. Then don't. It is your hair. I love your hair, it is really beautiful.
I love this route. When you agree with people, they tend to lose steam in their argument.

Just like everyone else has been saying, your hair is gorgeous. :) You can't please everyone, so you gotta please yourself, right?

[~GypsyCurls~]

I hope they get over it, your hair really looks great and is a self expression of yourself. It's not anyone else's business what you do with your hair.

[maskedrose]

I just read through the rest of the replies, and I have to say that Kirin's is perfect and absolutely true!


I've wanted to say this for a while....... but have never had such a broad opening as this.......

You are smokin' hot my friend, and cutting your hair would be a crime against such magnificent oozing lusciousness.

There, I said it. Screw 'em..... cutting your hair would be defacing a work of art. 'nuff said.

[Gilly]

I've wanted to say this for a while....... but have never had such a broad opening as this.......

You are smokin' hot my friend, and cutting your hair would be a crime against such magnificent oozing lusciousness.

There, I said it. Screw 'em..... cutting your hair would be defacing a work of art. 'nuff said.

Totally true!!!!!

[MadPirateBippy]

I am going to agree with a few points.

1. You look good with long hair. :eyebrows:

2. It's likely got nothing to do with your hair and everything to do with control. A LOT of women have major issues giving up control of their kids. Some never manage. That you're doing something she does not like and your brother is doing the same thing? That's gaurenteed to piss off a certain kind of woman (who your mom may or may not be) and make it a war issue she will never let go of.

If that's the case, just remember- it's not your hair. It's the fact that she bought into the belief that women can only have control in their homes and over their families, and that's all they get, so any disobedience cuts away the only authority she'll ever get to have (I have seen this more than once- again, I dont know if that is what's going on, but I live in an area where the older women all desperately cling to control and authority in the nastiest ways over their children because of this).

3. If you wear your hair in a braid she might bitch less, it works with my Mom.

4. If the thought of cutting your hair does not make your heart leap with lightness and joy in your chest, don't do it.

[hanne jensen]

Could it be that little green monster that is rearing it's ugly head? Your hair is gorgeous (I'm pea green with envy! As a mature woman-50yrs. I would give you this advice- do what YOU think is right. YOU are the one who takes care of your hair. It's YOUR head! It's a free country. Lady Aster Serios of the Calming Hands in the Order of Long Haired Knights

[SimplyLonghair]

Its funny my dad used to make remarks about my long hair that were negative, but in the time that I have spent here my hair has gotten so much better he acctually brags on it and my DD's hair to other people. LOL Sometimes they come around, if you just don't argue about it, just make it a non issue. I like the idea of braids too. I think that they look very nice. But many native americans wear them, so I am used to seeing them on guys. :D

[Alun]

You have a great head of hair, my friend.

My mum has been nagging me about my hair for decades. At first I thought she didn't like long hair on men, but it turns out she really doesn't like long hair on anyone. While she prefers it tied back, my dad thinks that ponytails etc are girly, so how's that for a Catch 22?

We live on different continents and never spend more than a week together at any one time. Whilst I love them dearly, I find that a week is as long as we can go without a hair disagreement, so it all works out.

[Shadow Walker]

Thanks everyone, and I appreciate the nice compliments ladies. :)

I'm going to try keeping it tied back for awhile and see how it goes. I've tried and tried to learn how to braid, but I still can't do it on myself. Needless to say I have clumsy fingers.

[scalawaggirl]

Shadow Walker, I :crush: long hair on guys! It's been that way since I was young and I've always had a soft spot for native guys because of it.

Now, I have to parrot the "you're so hot" comments on this thread for two reasons. 1) It's true; and 2) You'll look like everyone else and potentially less hot, if you cut it. :eyebrows: Oh, add another 3) Why cut your hair because of OTHER PEOPLE'S OPINIONS even if it's family? I trust mine the absolute least.

I think your hair looks great and healthy. Even, if you do have split ends, you can work on repairing them and a big cut is not needed.

So, bottom line: do what you want to do and not ever what anyone else tells you to do. The truth is in your heart and you are the lone judge, my friend. ;)

[neon-dream]

I love your hair, the ends are so thick and even!
I know it's hard getting pressure and all, but your hair is stunning and it would be a shame to cut :(
:blossom:

[girlcat36]

I am just wondering how your family can NOT be in awe of your perfect hair! :confused:

[Chrissy]

Hi Shadow Walker. Well one thing I have always said to my kids. I don't care how they wear there hair. It just doesn't matter to me. That is one thing I will never argue about. With that said your hair is gorgeous and I hope you don't cut it. If you want it long it's your hair. I pretty much agree with what all these great people have said. Good luck to you!!

[Chrissy]

Oh and don't you know anyone who could teach you how to braid? It really isn't that hard.

[Clytemnestra]

I've come to a point where I feel that life is just too short to endure any cutting remarks. I want the people whom I am intimate with and that includes family, friends, or otherwise, to be validating and uplifting to me.. not cutting or funny at my expense.

For instance, I have family members who think sarcasm at the expense of others is funny, well just thinking of sarcasm makes me tired and upset. It's so much energy to expend... trying to have the last laugh or whatever? It's like a contest to see who is most witty? Hey, I can do that... I can SO do that...my brain is often two or three steps beyond the conversation thinking of wry remarks or clever comebacks.

But I don't go there anymore. Somehow to me it's just not an honest form of communication. I need honesty and sincerity and validation in my relationships but that's just my own personal feeling about it...though I don't mean to offend anyone. You have very nice hair and I support your decision to grow it as long as you want, Shadow Walker.

[rockkcor]

The point is – if you get over it - they would too!
Besides – with such attitude – ask them if it was not the pressure and obsession of other- one’s hair that made you grow it in spite?
Tell them you are growing it for your girlfriend – tell them anything…
I think most people have ‘hair ******’ – but in our society it is ‘short hair ******’!
And I tell you – it sure is a ******!
Are you bold or something that it looks that bad?

[Demetrue]

You can't choose your family, but you can choose your friends and who you spend time with as an adult. If their negative and unnecessary comments are making you uncomfortable, then start spending less and less time with them. Life is too short to hang around negative critical people. You need to spend time with people who affirm your choices.

[psvzum]

All I can say is, you've got GORGOUS hair. Please don't listen to what others say! I can tell you love your hair long - you'll be miserable if you cut it. When someone questions me about something I love, be it clothing, long hair at my age : ), acting like a child-I ask them why it bothers them and let them know how much I LOVE it. People just don't think sometimes.

[SimplyLonghair]

I learned to braid on leather and rope. There are many helpful articles showing how. Just get as many strands as you need to start and attach to a hook to start and learn the motions. It then transfers to anything. ;) It just seems hard at first, but your hands can learn the motions.

[Elenna]

Just adding to the general comments here! Shadow Walker, you have gorgeous hair.

[WavyGirl]

When I saw this thread all I could think was "Noooooo!!!!!" Don't cut it please? I was just thinking the other day how quickly it appeared to have grown. Maybe because it's straight and you have a thick hemline. It's possible that your family need time to adjust. I haven't read the whole thread, but FWIW I think your hair looks like it's in great condition and you have the potential to go a lot longer if you want to. I know how hard it is dealing with other people's opinions, but if you cave and cut I bet they'll just come up with something else to critisise instead. Maybe instead of responding with plans about your hair you could re-direct the conversation to their rudeness and why they feel the need to impose their unaskedfor opinions on you. You don't have to explain yourself to them and you certainly don't need to cut your hair as an example to your brother. If the ends are really bothering you then a small trim might be in order, but to me they look great. I honestly can't see any damage or thinning at all.

[morguebabe]

Oh my, I can't imagine anyone wanting you to cut that beautiful thick hair! Just ignore it.. and as for work, pony tail it most likely.

[Sarahmoon]

Hey, the hair experts are here on this forum, not your family, not your co-workers.

So you'll have to take OUR word for it:

Your hair looks good, shiny and healthy!

[SimplyLonghair]

Hey, the hair experts are here on this forum, not your family, not your co-workers.

So you'll have to take OUR word for it:

Your hair looks good, shiny and healthy!
Oh absolutely! We are the experts and therefore should have the final say! HEHEHE
We know great hair when we see it!

[boomygrrl]

Do whatever makes you happy. If you want to keep your long hair, then keep it. Family can be persistent but sometimes as adults we have to stand up to them...not disrespectfully, of course, but stand up nevertheless. People will always have differing views of what they think looks good or presentable...and that's okay, to each his own...but it's your view that's important here. It's not like your hair is negatively effecting anybody. Your rights end where mine begins and vice versa. So, as long as you're not violating anybody's rights (and you're not), then you have nothing to worry about.
Now, work might be different. If I remember correctly, work isn't pressuring you to cut your hair in order to keep your job...it's just certain individuals who are acting like total d-bags...er, acting inappropriately...towards you. If you need to put your hair back ina ponytail to look "presentable" or "professional," go ahead and do so.
You might need to be more assertive with your family and tell them you love them but you do not want to discuss about your hair anymore. You have made your decision, they don't have to like it, but you need for them to respect it. Good luck!

[GypsyGoddess]

I just wanted to say, you have amazing thick hair, and I wish mine was as straight as yours is!

[Demetrue]

Family can be persistent but sometimes as adults we have to stand up to them...not disrespectfully, of course, but stand up nevertheless.

YES!

It's not like your hair is negatively effecting anybody. Your rights end where mine begins and vice versa. So, as long as you're not violating anybody's rights (and you're not), then you have nothing to worry about.

YES!

You might need to be more assertive with your family and tell them you love them but you do not want to discuss about your hair anymore. You have made your decision, they don't have to like it, but you need for them to respect it. Good luck!

YES!

What she said!!!

[chickpea]

My mother has been making comments about getting my hair cut since I was 25. I'm 46 and still have long hair. :smirk:

I have learned to shrug off any criticism about my hair length or color.

[ale]

I've been there, and I can understand how frustrating it is. Some years ago, when my hair was growing past shoulders length, I still lived with my parents; they hated my hair and every single day they had to say something about it. I looked like a hippie, like a criminal, a bum or so, I scared people, I was "disgusting". I overheard them talking about me and my hair when I was not in the same room as them ("He will cut it when it reaches his butt, maybe").
Of course I had no intention of cutting my hair and I went on, but it was frustrating and it made me fell of anger, every day the same story, over and over. Then with timethe comments became less frequent and almost disappeared, in the meanwhile I moved in another city, living with my girlfriend, married her and so...but my hair isn't accepted yet! It's never mentioned, but we all know it.

Anyway, my hair reached my butt, and I won't cut it. Who was right, in the end?

Don't let them pressure you, it will last months, a year, but in the end they will stop if you are detrmined enough.

Best wishes!

[Jim]

Hang in there. Eventually it will stop. Remember they are your family and they love you. They just want what they think is best for you. Just smile and say you like it the way it is. They will come around to some extent or not, either way they will eventually respect the fact that you are your own person. Look at it the other way, if you say okay, what will they come up with next? wide ties? matching socks? fortrel pants? Yikes... too horrible to contemplate.

When someone says to me that I should get a haircut, I just smile and say "I just did". I get a trim every couple months so it is usually true. I don't get much hassle anymore, and I've been growing my hair since for about 35 years now.

Jim

[YogaGirl59]

I skipped around in this thread, so I may have missed if you are still living with your parents or not. Having a 25-year-old son myself, I know that the maternal switch does not click off just because your children are grown. Lots of my friends still try to boss their adult children, even when those children are married and have their own children! I really avoid at all costs advising my son unless he asks me. Especially now that he is married.

At the end of the day, it's your body and your hair to do with as you please. If the only complaint they have about you is that your hair is too long, then they need to realize how fortunate they are.

By the way, your hair is gorgeous!

[Robbi Dehlinger]

I saw an ad with a guy with BEAUTIFUL hair and would have sworn it was you???

[CopperHead]

Hang in there. Eventually it will stop. Remember they are your family and they love you. They just want what they think is best for you. Just smile and say you like it the way it is. They will come around to some extent or not, either way they will eventually respect the fact that you are your own person. Look at it the other way, if you say okay, what will they come up with next? wide ties? matching socks? fortrel pants? Yikes... too horrible to contemplate.

When someone says to me that I should get a haircut, I just smile and say "I just did". I get a trim every couple months so it is usually true. I don't get much hassle anymore, and I've been growing my hair since for about 35 years now.

Jim

Wow Jim! That is some gorgeous hair! I love seeing all the longhaired guys on this board. :)

[Linda K]

What size bra does he wear? :eyebrows:
LOL! Mind reader!

SW: To Thy Own Self Be True!
Option B if you feel you want to respond:
"Sure! Just as soon as you ________ ."
(What ever they wouldn't want to do. Selective hearing is probably best tho.) :)

[Country Cowcurl]

no matter who you are & how you look, i think it's easy to find criticism. well-meaning or not, i think we have to hold our heads high and continue being who we are. your hair is wonderful, and if they can't see that, i feel sorry for them for missing out on such beauty!! warm wishes = )

[Roseate]

You have gorgeous hair! Every time I see your avatar I think of trying to convince my brother to come over to LHC and learn a thing or two- he has TBL hair but it is very dried out and in need of some love. Now he really does have split ends!

Do keep up the braiding practice- it really is convenient to be able to keep it contained, and will help you to grow it even longer!

[HoneyMouse]

I haven't managed to read all of this thread but I agree with everyone who says *Don't Cut!!* I couldn't believe you were a guy for a few secs when I saw your sig pic. In my mind there's nothing sexier then a guy with long hair. and if its well cared for then it just looks fantastic anyway.
I once followed a guy half way down oxfords main street 'cos he had hair like yours, I lost him when he got on a bus tho *sigh*