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View Full Version : This feels so unfair



vamq
February 1st, 2009, 04:57 PM
Well..

All my family was at my house today, because of my fathers birthday. And everyone was complmenting my sis with her beautiful thick shiny "curly" hair (they see waves as curls)
I did nothing with my hair, because I woke up having a good hairday. Well, according to me..Then my aunt looked at me, and asked me "when I was going to get my hair cut, because it was frizzy, and too thin to be at this length'
I just said that I'm not going to get a haircut and nothing else..

....

My sis always gets compliments. She has really beautiful hair, I have to admit. It's very darkbrown, a bit longer than shoulderlength, layered, 2a/2b and iii for sure.
She uses a lot of hairproducts, washes and blowdries her hair every day, and still she has the most beautiful thick shiny hair.
It's nice for her, but so frustrating for me. I always sleep with braided hair, wash my hair every other day, put it in a bun, never blowdry, use no coneproducts, and my hair is still quite thin and very, very frizzy.(this is especially what is driving me nuts) And I still have to give miniature/trim every month to prevent it from looking horribly split.

Some people are just so totally lucky I guess. It just feels so unfair...:(

Has anyone else experienced something like this..?
And, any solutions maybe? Better hair routines, or ways to handle rude comments (and slight jealousy maybe too..because of those comments..)

Thanks

tina1025
February 1st, 2009, 05:05 PM
I definitely know how your feeling but dont feel sad.

Yes. I have gone through this as well...

I stopped blow drying / straightening my hair, i eat very healthy food, stopped using chemicals, i have only dyed my hair ONCE, dont drink alcohol every weekend etc etc......

But on the other hand my friends use so many chemicals in their hair, they dye their hair every month, drink alcohol, use blow dryer and dont use natural products which are good for your hair yet they have better hair then i do.......

It frustrates me so much....BUT i keep telling my self that all this care that i am taking will pay off one day....When i get older i think my hair will be in better condition then theirs will be.....but i wont give up :)

chrissy-b
February 1st, 2009, 05:05 PM
Your avatar photo is rather small but from what I can tell your hair is very beautiful! It doesn't look thin or frizzy at all!

I can understand the jealousy, though. My sister has very thick 3a/3b hair. It's much shorter than mine but it is so thick and she can always make it look good while mine is VERY thin and straight which has fly-aways when I wear it down. The only thing I can suggest is to start accepting and loving your own hair.

With the frizz, I would suggest a leave-in or oil on the ends. It helps my hair A LOT. Coconut oil is a godsend when my ends are dry and frizzy.

I'm not sure what to say about the comments, though I think there is a thread here that has a whole bunch of responses to similar comments. And I'm sure someone else will give you something good to say. Just try not to let it get you down. From what I can see, you have nothing to feel bad about...your hair is lovely! :)

tina1025
February 1st, 2009, 05:05 PM
I definitely know how your feeling but dont feel sad.

Yes. I have gone through this as well...

I stopped blow drying / straightening my hair, i eat very healthy food, stopped using chemicals, i have only dyed my hair ONCE, dont drink alcohol every weekend etc etc......

But on the other hand my friends use so many chemicals in their hair, they dye their hair every month, drink alcohol, use blow dryer and dont use natural products which are good for your hair yet they have better hair then i do.......

It frustrates me so much....BUT i keep telling my self that all this care that i am taking will pay off one day....When i get older i think my hair will be in better condition then theirs will be.....but i wont give up :)

lorig713
February 1st, 2009, 05:06 PM
If that is your hair in your avatar, then your aunt is crazy and rude. If you can, ignore her stupid comments and limit your contact with her as you are able. Once you move out on your own (if you are not already) you can make choices about whom you spend time with.

rymorg2
February 1st, 2009, 05:11 PM
Your hair doesn't look frizzy to me.

Get this one....This will show that I've been where you're at.

My cousin has long, bsl, blonde hair that she grew out from around shoulder length. She highlights and colors, uses cones and flat irons constantly. My grandmother told me one day when I was cutting her hair "I wanted to grow long beautiful hair like R has but I guess I can't do it."

Well I've had longer hair than R most of my life.....and mine isn't beautiful? She does more chemicals than me, mine isn't beautiful?

I love my hair and don't want to change it. But it made me feel angry.

Anyway, I don't really have advice, but I wanted to let you know you're not alone.

mellie
February 1st, 2009, 05:11 PM
I think your hair is stunning!! I love it!! Such a pretty color and I love the little waves and the shine!

RavennaNight
February 1st, 2009, 05:12 PM
First, pay no mind to the mean comments of others. I find that when people butt in and tell you to cut your hair, their own motives are never good, no matter who they are. Women are so competitive, and sometimes they play favorites. She went from your sister straight to you in one breath?

Second, don't worry about your sister's hair. Think about yours and yours alone. She has a different hair type than you. And from your avatar it doesn't look bad at all. Actually it is quite angellic. Are YOU happy with your hair? That is what is important. It sounds like you take care of it and put it up and dont abuse it.

To the nasty people who go into your business: :poot:

BlndeInDisguise
February 1st, 2009, 06:54 PM
Your hair is beautiful! I don't know what your sisters hair looks like, but your hair is definitely compliment worthy. It doesn't look frizzy or thin to me. :)

Fairlight63
February 1st, 2009, 07:19 PM
From your picture you have beautiful hair. I can't believe that your aunt would say something like that! Yes, I can, seems like you always hurt the ones that you love by saying the wrong things.
I BET that your hair looks a LOT better than your aunts! LOL
Who knows, your sister is probably jealous of your hair! You never like the hair that you have, you always want what the other person has.
My sister admits now that when we was growing up that she was jealous of my hair. I was about 12 yrs. old. It was below my shoulders & she talked me into getting my hair cut real short. Looking back that was a big mistake! I have never been able to get it that long again, I keep getting it cut for some reason.
So, I guess the moral of this story is don't let anyone talk you into cutting your hair!

Nenwing
February 1st, 2009, 07:36 PM
I am sorry she said that to you. Some people can be really insensitive.

Women can be rather "catty" and competitive sometimes, even family. Actually sometimes especially family!

From your pic, I think your hair is really pretty looking.

Yedda
February 1st, 2009, 07:56 PM
From what I can see, you have beautiful hair.

I would tell your aunt or whomever that you prefer they not make comments on your hair, that you love your hair long and even if their comments are trying to be helpful, you prefer they not be made.

And it is true, it may not have anything to do with your hair, people have all kinds of motives for saying and doing things. You could be at the top of the world but someone will surely find something to say to make you feel bad or bring you down.

And excuse my language, but for anyone who does not support me or and the things I am trying to do, I don't care who they are, (four letter word) 'em.

maunaloa
February 1st, 2009, 08:15 PM
Ugh. It must be so annoying to be comapred to your sister's "much better hair." I must tell you, I think your hair is beautiful. you avatar is stunning! Keep your head up and try to shrug it off.:cheese:

OhioLisa
February 1st, 2009, 08:36 PM
Why care? It's too exhausting to compare yourself to others in any way, especially when it comes to something like hair. Let people make their comments... they're going to anyway. Your hair looks great. Learn to love it as it is. :)

spidermom
February 1st, 2009, 09:46 PM
That's really rude. I'm sure that I would feel upset, too. Frizz is one of the banes of my existence, plus I think my hair looks bushy. Sometimes I really hate it. The last time my father saw it, he said "it looks like a big mess." He hadn't seen me in nearly 20 years, you would think he'd find something nice to say.

You can't please everybody, so stick to pleasing yourself. Enjoy your lovely hair; the avatar picture looks good.

Queen V
February 1st, 2009, 09:51 PM
Your hair looks lovely in your avatar. Keep focusing on your hair's health, and don't let other people discourage you!

Coriander
February 1st, 2009, 09:53 PM
Vamq... you have gorgeous hair!!! I love the color, length and how you have that gentle wave going on in your avatar photo.

Growing up, I was always envious of my little sister's hair. It was curly and thick and blonde. I had stick-straight brown hair and I grew it long for no other reason than to feel like I was a girl. (if that makes sense).

Someone brought up the thread about retorts to negative comments. Here it is. (http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/showthread.php?t=10221) There are some good ones on there.

Maybe your aunt/family is just jealous of how beautiful YOUR hair is and they're trying to make your sister feel better ;)

Juneii
February 1st, 2009, 09:53 PM
ha. what does your aunt know about beautiful hair? as long as we think our own hair is beautiful then that would be enough.
everyone's hair is different and from what I see in your avatar you have beautiful and shiny hair.

Delilah
February 1st, 2009, 09:58 PM
Your hair is beautiful, I don't know why you would want to change it.
It sounds like you are taking very good care of it to let it be it's best. Just appreciate it for what it is.
My sisters get compliments at family gatherings on their new blonde streaks and choppy short haircuts...

MotherConfessor
February 1st, 2009, 11:12 PM
The thing of it is, people get one idea of what is pretty in their head and hang onto it like a bulldog with lockjaw. The worst thing you can do is let people whose view of the world is as narrow as the hole between their eyes dictate what you're ideas are on beauty. Admire your sisters lovely hair and yours for their different and beautifully unique features. Just remember, for every person like your aunt who loves your sister's hair, there is another person who is feeling bad for her because you have the pretty hair.

Deborah
February 1st, 2009, 11:23 PM
You have beautiful hair. Ignore all idiots.

MsBubbles
February 2nd, 2009, 12:09 AM
If that is your hair in your avatar, then your aunt is crazy and rude. If you can, ignore her stupid comments and limit your contact with her as you are able. Once you move out on your own (if you are not already) you can make choices about whom you spend time with.


Ditto everything lorig said about rudeness and reaching adulthood and spending time with people who appreciate you. Your hair is lovely.

WavyGirl
February 2nd, 2009, 12:56 AM
You hair is beautiful. It is probably in much better condition than your sister's. It's just that using all those coney products hides damage and keeping it fairly short also removes a lot of ruined hair. FWIT if you kept your hair at shoulder length and styled it to within an in of it's life you could probably make it look just like hers, but that's not what you want is it?

Tempting as it is to compare you will always feel bad as long as you do because you are not comparing like with like. You need to focus on what you want for your hair and ignore everyone else's. There are lots of good suggestions here for frizz control, both cone free and coney. Everyone with wavy or curly hair can empathise with you on that issue. :p Check out the wavy/curly thread (http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/showthread.php?t=369). (Cone free frizz control: Fox's conditioning cream (http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/showthread.php?t=4586&highlight=conditioning+cream), shea butter, oils, aloe gel, Kimberlily's mister recipe (http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/showthread.php?t=277&highlight=kimberlily%27s))

As for the unwanted advice I think it's good to recognise these comments for what they are in your own mind and remind yourself that they are a reflection of the speaker's opinion and bad manners. I find focusing on their poor behaviour is better for me than wondering if there might be any truth in what they say. It makes me feel more mature than the speaker when I do this and then it's easy to ignore their catty remarks.

Honey39
February 2nd, 2009, 02:00 AM
I have a preference for long, fine, straight hair - I think that's a beautiful hair type! People just like different types. Your hair looks lovely.

SHELIAANN1969
February 2nd, 2009, 06:22 AM
Right on, I second what OhioLisa said, it IS indeed utterly exhausting to compare yourself to someone else. And take no mind to what other people say! :flower:



Why care? It's too exhausting to compare yourself to others in any way, especially when it comes to something like hair. Let people make their comments... they're going to anyway. Your hair looks great. Learn to love it as it is. :)

I too am a frizz head, morning, noon and night I fight with my hair to *calm the frizz* but guess what? The frizz always wins! :D I get so aggravated with it, but it's just the way my hair is, there isn't any overcoming it, so I try to deal the best I can and accept it.


That's really rude. I'm sure that I would feel upset, too. Frizz is one of the banes of my existence, plus I think my hair looks bushy. Sometimes I really hate it. The last time my father saw it, he said "it looks like a big mess." He hadn't seen me in nearly 20 years, you would think he'd find something nice to say.

You can't please everybody, so stick to pleasing yourself. Enjoy your lovely hair; the avatar picture looks good.



I don't think your hair looks thin or frizzy either, your aunt needs a few pointers on *people skills* Even if she *thinks* something, that doesn't automacially give her the right to say it.

It isn't right to praise one and criticize another, that's totally out of line. Try to let it slide off you like water off a duck. :grouphug:

Johanna64
February 2nd, 2009, 07:20 AM
I agree with the rest,your hair is beautiful and shiny!!

brok3nwings
February 2nd, 2009, 07:41 AM
from what i can see in your avatar picture your hair is really lovely, not at all what they described (frizzy and thin..). And if your hair has a frizzy day it doesnt mean it aint beautiful! if you were using blowdrying and ironing it would lay "perfect"!!!

Let me tell you something...

My hairdresser and family used to say i had beautiful hair. Thick and blonde and whatever.... my sister that is 5 years younger than me never used to hear comments like i did. Although she ALWAYS had beautiful straight blonde hair! Now she has long hair and everyone seams to have "noticed" and she gets a lot of comments... not i have shorter hair and i dont get ANY good comments.

The other day i was at a dinner party at a family house and a friend of my sister went too. She has almost waist hair, her natural colour is brown but she highlights it into a caramel blonde. I know it is damaged, i can see it but most of people dont... so a aunt of mine came to me and said: " you should let your hair grow again! look how beautiful her hair is!! " ....
defenitly not the kind of hair i wanted for me, but i can understand, it is beautiful for most people.

going gray
February 2nd, 2009, 07:50 AM
All of the ladies above are correct, you have lovely hair! I finally decided to please myself & grow out my hair. Try not to listen to anyone's negative comments!

jivete
February 2nd, 2009, 07:55 AM
I spent the majority of my life lamenting my thin, fragile hair and its inability to grow and being jealous of my friends with thicker, stronger, longer and prettier hair. It was frustrating that their hair could look better than mine when they did more damaging things to it.

I've finally come to terms with my hair because, one, I started taking better care of it and two, it is what it is and wishing for something different only made me unhappy.

Your hair is really pretty, but if you feel like you have frizz, the only thing that seem to help for me are rinsing with distilled water and a little bit of camellia oil (or other oil. Camellia is just easier for me to apply without over applying).

Nes
February 2nd, 2009, 10:57 AM
I feel your pain - people quite often compare me to my sister (weight, hair, face, personality etc. etc.) and I don't like it at all.

I just though I would remind you that the general public (outside of LHC) seem to generally have little appreciation for the beauty of wavy hair.

Women with wavy har are forever perming/curling/straightening/applying coney straignening stuff and it seems that wavy, flyaway hair is somehow... unacceptable now or something?!

Your hair is wavy and beautiful!

No offence to your aunt, but few people have the imagination to admire anything other than what they are told to by popular media, and it sounds like she's one of them.

I wouldn't feel bad for being a bit jealous of your sister, I can guarantee that she is jealous of you in some way. The more you can learn to believe in the beauty of your own hair, the less jealousy you will feel.

You deserve to be told how gorgeous your hair is by people who appreciate the rarity of long natural hair (Thats us by the way :))

Nes x

LutraLutra
February 2nd, 2009, 12:55 PM
Your hair looks so lovely, it really does. Sometimes people can be mean if someone doesn't fit in with what they think beauty is. :grouphug:

leilamarie79
February 2nd, 2009, 01:08 PM
No help or comments, but I'm in your same boat. My sister has reeallly curly hair (Shirley Temple ringlets) naturally, her hair is a beautiful dark brown color, super shiny and just at shoulder length. She flat-irons it every day and uses tons of product on it, but it still looks beautiful and healthy. I'm not obsessive about my haircare, but I don't blowdry or flat iron or anything like that or use product, and my hair is still frizzy, especially in the front. So I feel your pain.

Delila
February 2nd, 2009, 02:03 PM
The good folks at LHC have taught me to just be patient, and stick to my goals.

The hurtful remarks aren't any fun, but they're no reason to get a hair cut.

When I was growing out my hair, I got some of the 'you need to do something with your hair' comments, but did my best to stick to my goals and ignore the bad advice.

Now that it's longer, the same shallow people actually have admiring things to say. It's the same hair, with just a lot more length, nothing else different. Experience has taught me that their comments don't mean much one way or the other, so in the long run, I'm better off for having taken a neutral stance, and just let the words roll away from me.

Tangles
February 2nd, 2009, 02:56 PM
You have fairytale hair. Ignore her.