Anyone have to deal with family disliking your hair?

[ALenee]

My family is constantly after me to cut my hair! So is my bf :mad:
They say it's not in style, or that I look like Im amish. They all think I put wayyyyy too much effort into hair care and that I should just cut it and stop being so obssesed. When they are all constantly on me, it makes me feel bad and actually think about cutting it. I try to explain that if I were to cut it because they all want me to, that I would end up regretting it. I get the "it's just hair" comment. Help! Anyone? :(

[AJoifulNoise]

I'd say "if it's just hair then why are you so worried about it?" whenever they bring it up. I'm sorry they're bugging you so much. A year ago I had a problem with my stepmom looking at my hair disapprovingly. She never said anything, but I knew what she was thinking. She came around, though.

[DragonLady]

Wow. :(

I think I'd have to get assertive. Just stand up straight, look 'em in the eye, and say "I'm free, white, over 21, and doing things my way. Either love me and support me, or leave me alone". Repeat as neccesary.

[kam984420]

My family is constantly after me to cut my hair! So is my bf :mad:
They say it's not in style, or that I look like Im amish. They all think I put wayyyyy too much effort into hair care and that I should just cut it and stop being so obssesed. When they are all constantly on me, it makes me feel bad and actually think about cutting it. I try to explain that if I were to cut it because they all want me to, that I would end up regretting it. I get the "it's just hair" comment. Help! Anyone? :(

I had the same problem at one time. Family members were asking when i was going to get a haircut. I FINALLY just told them i wasn't and to leave me alone about it. That's all i had to do to get them off my back about it. Now they don't bother me about it. DON'T CUT IT. Just tell them you like your hair long and you want them to leave you alone about it. Surely that will put an end to them bugging you about it.

[Tap Dancer]

No one dislikes my hair, whether it's long or short. I feel for you, though. Just tell them YOUR hair is your business. If they continue to badger you, make comments about their hair (style, color, etc.). That might make them see how the comments make you feel. I really believe that some people don't understand how it feels to be picked on. Once they understand, they might stop.

[Tap Dancer]

Wow. :(

I think I'd have to get assertive. Just stand up straight, look 'em in the eye, and say "I'm free, white, over 21, and doing things my way. Either love me and support me, or leave me alone". Repeat as neccesary.

White? What does that have to do with her being able to make decisions? :confused:

[cobblersmaid]

I would maybe be a bit more private about your obsessing, as I know it can weird people out. (They just don't get it. Sad for them ;) )

As for the cutting, make it clear that YOU like it, and that it is YOUR hair, and that making YOU happy is what matters.

[Chromis]

Do you live with them? Is it just your hair or are they after you about other things as well? Do you make snide comments about *them* or is it just one sided?

Why do you tolerate this kind of behaviour from them? Change the subject or leave. There will always be things you do that other people will feel the need to berate and the sooner you learn how to handle such comments the better it is for you!

[DragonLady]

White? What does that have to do with her being able to make decisions? :confused:

lol

It's just an expression. People use it all the time out here where I live, and I never gave it a thought.

[ALenee]

Do you live with them? Is it just your hair or are they after you about other things as well? Do you make snide comments about *them* or is it just one sided?

Why do you tolerate this kind of behaviour from them? Change the subject or leave. There will always be things you do that other people will feel the need to berate and the sooner you learn how to handle such comments the better it is for you!

No I don't live with them, but we are together alot... I don't make comments about their styles or looks. It mostly happens when I wear it down. Uhg... :rolleyes:

[LHGypsyRose]

Yeah they need to mind their own buisness! Your own b/f is against you on this too?Well assuming that you have already told him how much your hair means to you, it seems that he may not be the right guy since he doesn't care enough to be supportive of what you want. I mean..like your family said, it's just hair...you can always cut it later if you change your mind about it.

[ALenee]

lol

It's just an expression. People use it all the time out here where I live, and I never gave it a thought.

Im in Az too!!! :cheese:

[DragonLady]

Im in Az too!!! :cheese:

So you are! :)

Send me a pm sometimes, and we can chat. :)

[Rohele]

Yeah. My DH prefers it when I wear my hair shorter. I think he's the only man on earth who wants his wife to have shorter as opposed to longer hair. I ignore him. After all, I would prefer he wears his hair longer, and he always gets it super short, so whatever.

No real advice there (sorry), but I agree with the others, if you like it - keep it, don't cut it for anyone else. In the end, you have to be happy with the way you look.

[CrystalStar]

Oo I get what ya mean a bit, but I don't get it asnywhere near as bad as you :( With me, whenever I'm doing an SMT with my hair in a shower cap (Heehee only twice but just joined :p) my dad comments how cute I would be with short hair and suddenly treats me really special and will do anything for me..It's kinda strange lol :p

[pdy2kn6]

my mum, despite her liking my long hair and the feel of it, she always tells me....i don't know if you should keep your hair in a bun all the time "....its like an old woman...why have long hair if you can never let it down... if you can't handle long hair cut it...."etc etc. but she doesn't realise how it tangles easy and the need for it to be oiled. when she saw i had some oil in my hair she was very confused lol. i have had it up in a bun for about 1 year and a half since she last saw it down, so i don't think she has any idea what length it is. I am planning to keep it away from her eyesight for another year and then i will dazzle her on the occasion that i do let it all down. lol!!

[ChloeDharma]

I would just tell them to shut up hen they start, and like has been suggested, if they persisted then i'd make comments about their hair, makeup, clothes, food choices, music taste basically anything to irritate them and make it not worth their while to carry on.
That said, nobody says anything about the way i look as i'm known for being a bit hot tempered about people trying to control me....except if i loose much weight then i get comments but i don't mind that as it's about concern for my health.
The b/f, i do find it odd, most men i've dated have loved long hair. I don't know if i could be with a man who was negative about it.

[thetokenlady]

My mom firmly believes that women over 40 shouldn't have long hair. I figure if she's harping on my hair then she's not after me about my weight. I love my mom, really I do, but we get along much better now that she's 1300 miles away.

[ChatoyantLocks]

Your family sounds a little inconsistent. They say "it's just hair", but feel the need to spend time hassling you about it?:confused:

It's not just hair. It's *your* hair. And you can style it however you want! :D

[chrissy-b]

That's awful. I'm sorry that your family is so obsessed with your hair. They're clearly more obsessed than you are if they can't let the issue go. It's strange that hair can affect people so negatively.

I never got these comments when my hair was longer but it was never longer than waist. I'll see how it goes this time around.

[harpgal]

Oh yes, I deal with this all of the time. *sigh* I just keep it up and out of sight and go around with this little smile that says, I have a secret. ;)

[Xandergrammy]

My mom passed away a few years ago, but she would love my hair. There are plenty of people at work who used to bug me about getting it cut/trimmed/colored etc., but I've really learned to tune them out. My advice is to just ignore them and do what makes you happy. I also have a little bit of a stubborn streak. The more someone suggests I get it cut, the longer I want it to grow. :gabigrin:

[lynlora]

Oh yes, I deal with this all of the time. *sigh* I just keep it up and out of sight and go around with this little smile that says, I have a secret. ;)

Keeping it up to appease them is the wrong way to handle it.All that does is show them they can get to and control you. It will only stop when you stand up to them.As for BF,if he can not accept your long hair then he can not accept you as a person.

[viking_quest]

My family always complain about my hair. My parents feel the need to tell me that my hair is greasy even when I just washed it. Luckily, my grandmother and friends can't wait to see it longer, so they make it feel a bit better.

[Moiraine]

Sweetie you are 25. When they understand that this is your hair, it is staying on your head and there is nothing they can do about it, they will move on to find someone else to pick on.

The only reason to cut your hair is if you want to, not because other people, even family want to take the scissors to it. It isn't their hair and you are not 10 years old.

I have trouble when people want me to cut my hair just because they want it their way. Maybe it's the culture I was brought up in. In Bermuda, anyone who can grow long hair and does, no matter how old they are, is given a positive response. All my aunts on my father's side had long hair similar to mine, more or less. It wouldn't have occurred to them to cut it off, it was part of their identity.

One of my friends mother kept her hair in long banana curls, carefully arranged. People always told her how pretty her hair was and wouldn't dream of telling her banana curls were for little kids.

My mother could never get her hair much past the nape of her neck and she was always made to feel "odd woman out" because her hair was fine and curly and it didn't want to grow. My father loved long hair and cried when I went in the bathroom when I was 17 and whacked my long braid off.

Well I wanted a shag like everybody else,lol. Thru my life my hair has been long and short, but the hair I am growing now is probably the healthiest it has been since I was little. No heat, and it is always braided up or tucked up someway. When it is as long as I want it to make a nice long Indian braid I'll wear it that way

[spidermom]

They're being brats. I would wear it up when I knew I was going to be around someone who had a bad attitude about it. It's protective for your hair to be up anyway. Other than that, I don't know if I'd keep a boyfriend who thought he had a right to tell me how to wear my hair. That's pretty controlling, and it won't be limited to that. It might be cute now but believe me one of these days you'll be really tired of it and want to be free. Don't wait until you have a few kids who call him dad.

[LawyerGirl]

I agree with the previous posters... family tends to find things to complain about :P...if it wasn't your hair it would be something else. With me, they harp on something for a while and eventually move on.

My BF always told me that he preferred short hair on me, but recently decided that he wouldn't mind seeing my hair long. We will see if he likes it when it grows... but if *I* like it, it is staying :)

[RocketDog]

I actually get more compliments and fewer negative comments now that my hair looks more natural - my parents HATED the crazy colors and synthetic dreadlocks that I wore for a few years. My dad especially.

[Fairlight63]

My DH made me so mad today. :mad: We was in Walgreens & I found a comb that I wanted to buy for detangling my hair when I wash it. He said "why don't you just cut that hair off? it is getting too long - you should get it cut in a Bob - I will take you down to the hairdress & get it cut" (or something to that effect) I told him "No, I am not getting it cut" I was so mad at him, he ruined a perfectly good day out with that comment. I don't even think that it is THAT long, it is about APL - maybe. He just doesn't like long hair, but I do! I look at older women & they ALL have short poodle perm hairdo's & I don't like that hair style. I don't want to look like all the other older women with short dyed or permed hair! I like the look of older women with hair that is gray & done up in a French twist or bun. Why do they think that if you are old you have to cut your hair all off?
When my hair is short I have to set it all of the time or it is straight, fine & uncontrolable. When it is long it isn't as much work. I don't have to use elect. curlers on it, I just put it up in a bun. I like it in the winter also because in Wi. the winters are very cold & my hair is warm down on my neck.
Sorry, I am just upset & venting.

[Myrrh]

I used to get the whole "Why don't you cut it? It'll get it out of your face." thing all the time when it was long. Then I chopped it off and then all I heard was,"Oh my...that's too short, grow it out!"

So now I ignore them. :D:D I grow my hair out for ME, and for MY happiness. If they don't like it, they can lump it.

[Demetrue]

I never tell other people, including family members, how to dress, apply their make-up (or not), style their hair. It's called "boundary issues". I hate when parents don't respect their children's boundaries - especially adult children. It should not matter to them how you wear your hair - they should not be constantly criticizing your appearance and trying to change what you look like. I guess if I was visiting a family member and they started criticizing my appearance, I would tell them that I don't criticize their hair and that if they can't respect my choices, I'll be going to hang out with people who do respect me - bye.

[joyfulmom4]

Yeah. My DH prefers it when I wear my hair shorter. I think he's the only man on earth who wants his wife to have shorter as opposed to longer hair. I ignore him. After all, I would prefer he wears his hair longer, and he always gets it super short, so whatever.

. In the end, you have to be happy with the way you look.

Fwiw, when I met my dh, he told me he preferred short hair. It wasn't said in an offensive or critical way, but just came up in a conversation. He has never said anything to suggest how I should wear my hair over the years. He might give a compliment if it looks especially nice, etc, but mostly he hasn't talked about hair preferences (other than that one comment a long time ago).

To my pleasant surprise, he recently said something really nice about my hair and I realized that he really likes it. I always thought he really liked the short hair and was just courteous enough to respect my own style preferences. But the recent compliment made me feel really good. I guess he's just grown used to my hair as I wear it and learned to appreciate it. :-)

Maybe your dh will learn to love your hair long too?

[Dianyla]

Does my family dislike my hair? Sure, some of them do. :shrug:

Do I have to deal with it? Absolutely not! :lol:

[Feline]

You know, a lot of the time I think it is a control thing, especially if you are still young enough to be overly influenced by your parents. If you wear it long, they want it short; if you want it short, then they want it long. Maybe same thing for some boyfriends and husbands. :( Pity.

[autumnsakura]

Ironically, this happened to me a lot in high school when I was in my short hair phase. I wore my hair between chin and barely shoulder length, and my family would constantly hound me about growing it out. They would always say what a pretty color it was and it shouldn't go to waste, that boys like girls with long hair more, etc.
It always really irked me. I don't think hair color has anything to do with *having* to have your hair styled a certain way, and I think it's awful to keep telling a teenage girl that boys would like her if only she grew her hair out (as if she had no other likable things about her).
I just did what I liked, and kept it short, just like now I'm growing it out, and I don't think hair *should* be any particular length.
Keep up the good work. Your hair is beautiful!

[atlantaz3]

My 81 year old father told me I was too old for all that hair. I stood up to him and said I'm growing it to my butt! It's amazing what a cranky 40 something can finally say to a parent. Don't get me wrong I totally respect my father and take him a cigar every time I visit (which is often as they live in the same town) but my hair is off limits. The dh finally abdicated from any opinion on my hair - except for making sure I don't cut bangs.

[Fairlight63]

One time we was on vacation at my husbands family & DH's father said that my hair looked awful - that I needed to dye it:mad: I did have coloring on it but it was too light for his taste I guess. He was 75 and bald except for one little piece of hair that he let grow long & twirl it around his bald spot trying to hide it , LOL I should have said something about his hair but I didn't say anything back.

[Rohele]

Maybe your dh will learn to love your hair long too?

Sigh... I can only hope, but I'm not holding my breath :rolleyes: But like I said, he doesn't have much say in the matter!

[Speedbump]

Waitaminute, they are group harassing you about this, and YOU are obsessed? :lol:

Evil thought: Write down every time someone mentions your hair. Note initials, day and time. Note every time YOU talk about your hair (UNprompted by them!). After one month, pass around the chart showing they talk about your hair 10X more than you do and tell them they really need to think about not being so obsessed with your hair. :p

Now my serious reply is this: You can't really choose your family -- although you can certainly choose not to speak with them if necessary -- but why are you with a BF who is constantly talking smack about a part of your body that you love? Does he try to tear you down in other areas? Just a thought.

[Sissy]

that's really a shame :( why do they care so much about it?? It's your body, your head, your hair! I know there are people out there who probably think my hair is boring as it's virgin hair, straightish (slight wave), and all one length but I don't care! I like my hair the way it is because I'm comfortable with it and I like it. I wish your family and boyfriend could be a little more respectful of your likes/wishes and keep their pestering opinions to themselves.

[sneakybea]

Do my family say mean things about my hair? Yes. Do they actually dislike it? That's something different. I think (or choose to believe) that my mother just teases me to get on my nerves; we have that kind of relationship, kind of joking and sarcastic at times. She does argue that my hair would be curlier shorter. And I've wondered that myself, but am not willing to take the risk if she is wrong.
I just tell her "If I cut my hair, you might nag me about something important!" But the best retort was from a seven year old friend who happened to see my mother teasing me about my hair. She said to me, "Well, you're Rapunzel," and to my mom, "And you're the wicked witch!"

[Feline]

But the best retort was from a seven year old friend who happened to see my mother teasing me about my hair. She said to me, "Well, you're Rapunzel," and to my mom, "And you're the wicked witch!"

Out of the mouths of babes.....:D

[brok3nwings]

My parents are very supportive about me growing my hair. When i do something stupid like trimming too much and start complaining about my mistake my mother says " well i told you so, your hair was great" and actually i know that she misses my long hair... she really got sad when i cut it short. My grandmother is delighted that im trying to grow cause she get to get some memories back from all the hairstyles. I still dont have long hair but probably i´ll have friends and family asking me why i dont cut it... but i wont bother cause i know i will be so proud of it

[Copasetic]

I don't have this problem, but I don't have super long hair either. But when I do have really long hair, I can't imagine that my family will care all that much. They aren't ones to make comments on my appearance.

[Gingevere]

I understand that it can be difficult to stand up for yourself when it's your loved ones who are making you feel bad. Try joking about it along with them. That's often helped me combat teasing in the past. If that doesn't work, just tell them how you feel and ask why they're so judgmental. Who knows? Perhaps they see it as a vanity issue, like it takes up too much of your time or something. Still, if they don't approve of your lifestyle choice, that's their problem. I fail to see how your hair negatively affects them to the point where they should have a say in how long it is!

My parents really don't care how I dress or wear my hair. My mom was a hippie and I have pictures of her tailbone-length hair to prove it! If she ever tries to tell me that my hair is getting too long, I can just remind her of that, lol! :p

[LadyLongLocks]

When I was in my teens and 20s my step father hated my long hair and always told me I should cut it. I ignored him. His hair was almost gone and he was jealous of mine.

When I was in my 30s My mother also used to tell me my hair was getting kind of long when it got past waist length. I would trim it to the point of not sitting on it and maintained it at that length for years. Now my hair is to my knees and I am over 40! My mom has accepted my hair this length and actually has me show her friends now. She gets a kick out of the attention I get.
I guess my long hair "grew" on her...:laugh:

[Leabhar]

My mother and brother don't like long hair, and they used to ask me, isn't your hair getting a little (too) long? Why are you growing your hair long?

They've become less vocal about it because I said "It's my hair and I like it long." Repeat firmly as needed, and they'll stop bringing it up. Set your boundaries and make people respect them, and they will mind their own business, family or not.

[JamieLeigh]

I had that trouble in high school. It seems that no matter what I do with myself, someone will always dislike it. Such is life! I actually did end up chopping knee-length locks up to barely past BSL at age 17...and the first thing I heard out of everyone was "Wow, I didn't think you'd ever cut it. Why'd you do that?" But I didn't do it from peer pressure...I had other reasons.

Bottom line, your hair is YOURS to do whatever you wish to it. And you can't please everyone, no matter how hard you try. If you did end up cutting it, just to shut someone up, then there would be other people who would be angry that you did. Just do what you feel!! YOU are the best judge for your own hair! :)

[ecologystudent]

Mom actually loves my hair long- it's when it's short that she has a problem. She kept telling me that it made me look like a boy, or that people would think I was a lesbian (and I care....why?). I told her, good, maybe I'll have less people hitting on me if they are confused about my gender :P

She stopped talking about my hair when I cut it to less than an inch long- maybe your family will realize that the more they talk, the longer your hair gets? :P

Or you could just say: And just why do you care so much? Are you jealous or something?