How do you guys handle hair criticism?

[Auryn]

So, since I've made the concious decision to let my hair grow out, my mother has been telling me that I would look really good with a short bobbed cut. My last major haircut was to right at my jawline and that was close to 5 years ago. Currently it's at BSL (27inches) and I'm experimenting with different treatments trying to find what will work best for my hair. So far CO has left my hair feeling great, but looking like it's not been washed in several days, so I'm trying different conditioners to see if that will help. But all I've been getting from my mother is "It looks greasy." "Did you wash it?" "Is it dry?"

And when I try to explain to her what I'm doing, she tells me "well you know you've got oily hair." I've never had oily hair a day in my life. It's always been normal except when I've colored it and then it's normal for awhile then the ends dry out. (Which I'm battling now..grawr).

She's driving me nuts because she doesn't understand that I don't want to mess with my hair too much. Cutting it would mean that I would have to heat style it EVERY DAY. She never realizes how curly my hair gets when it's cut short. I prefer the wash n go style I've got right now.

I dunno, maybe she's just jealous because I don't have to spend 20 minutes on my hair everyday...I can just braid it and go.

How do you guys handle situations like this?

[manderly]

You're 29? Do you live with her, or just see her a lot?

Everytime I see my mom she says "Your hair is long." She asked me if I wanted her to cut it. I said no, I'm growing it long, don't you like it? She says yes, she just isn't used to me with long hair (and natural wave).

I give her a look and tell her I love it and change the subject. Then I tell her she should grow HER hair out. Hehehehe.


Just tell her to stop. If she doesn't, start giving her unsolicited hair advice and she will (hopefully) get the point.

[Yedda]

I know that it might not make anything better, but if you are happy with your hair, I wouldn't worry about it. Tell her you would prefer she not comment on your hair. It might be uncomfortable to say but it is better to be uncomfortable for a moment to talk to her about it then to feel uncomfortable every time she brings it up.

If you think you're hair is greasy I'm thinking maybe CO might not be right for you. I certainly am not an expert but I will probably never stop shampooing, if anything you can limit shampooing to once or twice a week and CO any other time you want. Just a thought.

Again, if you don't think it's greasy, then I wouldn't worry about any of it.

As you might know I recently cut my hair short. I liked it for a while and now I wish I wouldn't have cut it so short, I miss long hair.

I also cannot stand blowdrying every day-not just because it's bad for the hair but because I don't feel like it:mad:

And by the way you're hair looks great from your pics.

[Auryn]

I had to move back in with her after I lost my job and couldn't find another one right away. I'm really hoping to be back on my own by the end of the year.

I did try telling her about henna because I know she likes being a redhead and I thought that she might enjoy the benefits of stronger hair as well, but she just blew it off like I didn't know what I was talking about.

Every time she's brought it up, I've told her that I'm trying to let it grow and that I don't want to cut it, but she just doesn't stop. I'm not sure how to tell her to stop without sounding like a complete bitch.

[Fillette]

I would say, focus on what makes you happy. When in doubt, just ask yourself: Will I be happier with shorter hair? The answer is most likely NO so don't do it. Only make a change if you know for a fact that it will make you happier or make you feel better. As for your mum, simply keep telling her that growing your hair makes you happy. Repeat it to her as often as necessary. Eventually, she'll get that you are not changing your mind about that. Remember to stay true to what you really want. Because you will be the one living with the consequences of your decision to cut or keep growing. The best way to deal with criticism is to not take it too personally and stay positive.
On another note, make sure you rinse very well after CO. I find that my crown area looks a little greasy when I don't take the time to really rinse the conditioner out. I am not sure if it will make a difference, but try to rinse for a little while longer after CO.
HTH

[suicides_eve]

Do what you like and what makes you feel fabulous.
Your a grown woman and it's your hair.

it sounds like you mom is just being a mom- meaning she is maybe trying to relate to your style in her own little way.

next time she starts going on, tell her you think the world of her and appreciate her "advice" but your doing your own thing and would like her positive support .

hope that helps and keep growing that hair!

[viking_quest]

My parents do the same exact thing to me. I just ignore them and think about how much healthier my hair is to theirs.

[Roseate]

Every time she's brought it up, I've told her that I'm trying to let it grow and that I don't want to cut it, but she just doesn't stop. I'm not sure how to tell her to stop without sounding like a complete bitch.

Tell her once, firmly but politely, that you don't want to discuss your hair with her anymore, then just remind her of that whenever she brings it up, and change the subject. Don't be bitchy, just don't talk about hair with her; obviously it's a point of friction for you two!

Good luck- living at home is tough, best wishes for the job search.

[vampodrama]

I live with my parents and my grandmother. my parents don't give a damn about my hair (with a child like me who is into tattoos and piercings and crazy industrial clothing and stuff like that, hair is the least of concerns XD), but my grandmother, who is about 90 years old and no longer totally adequate I think, is constantly commenting how ugly my hair is. too long, too thin, too red, too straight, you're way too old to have long hair, why can't you have pretty thick hair like your sister, just wail till you get cancer and lose all your hair etc etc etc.

but since I have never in my life heard a single positive comment from her about anything concerning myself, then I seriously no longer care.

[Katze]

I try to not let it get to me.

My family is fine, and actually supportive and praise how long it is whenever they see me (1-2x a year); it's my future mother-in-law who, EVERY time she sees me, makes a comment on how I should wear my hair up "because it really looks better." I prefer wearing my hair down, especially when it is freshly washed, and I do think it looks good on me. She is a sweet lady, I think she is happy that I am with her son, but she has NO idea. I usually try to brush it off and change the subject. At Christmas, she saw me combing my hair and asked me if I dyed it (!?!) I said, no, apart from the ends, this is my natural color now, and she looked surprised. Sooo...I have to keep reminding myself that she has no idea about hair! (hers is short, straight, and grey). Interestingly, this is BF's answer - "mom, you have no idea what you are talking about!"

I also have a couple of friends who comment on how bad my ends look, and how "thin" my hair is, and express doubts whenever I say I want to grow my hair out. Again, I try not to take it personally, though I do.

As for CO, it left my hair feeling greasy, too. After trying all kinds of things I went back to sulfate shampooing, and my hair is much happier. Personally, I think CO won't work for a lot of people for this very reason.

Finally, it's hard if you have to live with your parents. I did several years ago too for a few months - my mom was a constant thorn in my side. So I moved to the other side of the world. It helps. :D

good luck finding what works for you and your hair, and letting go of others' opinions!

[Debra83]

I live with my parents and my grandmother. my parents don't give a damn about my hair (with a child like me who is into tattoos and piercings and crazy industrial clothing and stuff like that, hair is the least of concerns XD), but my grandmother, who is about 90 years old and no longer totally adequate I think, is constantly commenting how ugly my hair is. too long, too thin, too red, too straight, you're way too old to have long hair, why can't you have pretty thick hair like your sister, just wail till you get cancer and lose all your hair etc etc etc.

but since I have never in my life heard a single positive comment from her about anything concerning myself, then I seriously no longer care.

That is sad. I hope she says something nice before her time is up.

[Autumnberry]

I am convinced that all negative comments about growing long hair are a function of the jealous and controlling side of human nature. We shouldn't take any heed of them! I remember years ago when my hair was waist length getting comments that I would look better with a bob. It was ridiculous advice, but when you hear hair criticism, the first thing one does is look in the mirror and wonder if something is wrong. I myself cannot imagine telling someone their hair looks bad and they need it cut. That would be for them to judge, right? Next time it happens, just think "that is human nature", breathe deeply, and let it roll right off your back!

[vampodrama]

That is sad. I hope she says something nice before her time is up.

nah. she won't. that would require positive thinking, of which she is utterly incapable.

[LadyEliza]

I dunno, maybe she's just jealous because I don't have to spend 20 minutes on my hair everyday...I can just braid it and go.

That is possibly the reason, and gives you the answer as well. Instead of defending your possition, give her praise about something she feels insecure about. Take the higher road.

You can always say "Do you think so?" and then ignore anything else that is said.

Just make sure your hair always looks lovely and that is all the answer you need to give!

[KnightsLady]

Personally, I come to LHC and either a) have a whinge or b) read about other people whinging. It's therapeutic. Always makes me feel better. Generally the people here have so much positive feedback about growing hair that it balances the other stuff and makes me see things differently. This makes it easier to laugh off suggestions by family, friends and workmates to do the chop thing, when I feel like I've a crowd of supportive people standing behind me. Makes the playing field more even.

Lately I've also had the support of DBF, who is also growing his own hair. He did consider cutting until I told him the latest thing my father said (that people with extremely long hair must have bad genes:rolleyes:). Now he'll probably grow it to his toes! :D

It also sounds like you're not using enough conditioner if you have the greasy look when your hair dries. Try also leaving it on for a minute or two longer before rinsing. That can also help.

[paper]

I know my Mom thinks I should have short hair. So far, she hasn't said anything, but I know her lol.

When I know I'm going to see her, I wear my hair up. She acutally has complimented me with my hair up. Shocked me!

[spidermom]

I think I'd just let her have her say and be completely noncommittal, saying nothing more than "really? you think so?" and such like. If she questioned me, as in "when are you going to get that hair cut?" I'd say something like "I don't know." or "When I'm ready for a change."

I really don't know why some people keep needling other people like that; it's pretty obnoxious.

[culleq3290]

my boyfriend said the other day "Why do you always wear your hair in a bun? its so boring" I don't always wear it in a bun thats just the only one he notices and what bothered me is that he said this RIGHT AFTER saying "I don't care what you do with your hair, its your hair" well if you don't care then why are you telling me how I should wear it?? grrr I just let it go though. Its a lot easier to focus on the good then have a fight. Just ignore it and know how pretty your hair is :D this is something you're doing for YOU and if your mother doesn't like it then she'll just have to deal (along with my bf :P) haha

[Lady Godiva]

The media is full of people from all walks doing the same thing, expressing unsolicited opinions about others' appearances. This is the norm, so common folk pick up the habit, too. It's as normal as getting up in the morning and getting dressed. Few people realize that this normal behavior is rude, though.

What's so ironic about it is that how other people choose to dress themselves, do their hair, and wear make-up (or not) doesn't affect anyone else unless they're stuck close to them for a long duration, such as in an airplane, and the person next to them stinks of BO or perfume, for one example. Generally, other people's aesthetic preferences for themselves don't affect anyone else. Yet everyone's conditioned to remark on others' looks. It boggles the mind once you step outside of that paradigm.

The other irony is that a person's personal aesthetics are THE MOST DEFENSIBLE position to be in. There is no logical basis required for them, as there is no reason to hold one preference over another. They are so defensible that they require no defense at all. You do not need to defend any of it to your mother or anyone else. "Mom, I really don't need to defend my grooming preferences to you. I'm an adult and am old enough to make such inconsequential choices about myself, period."

I'd say something along that line, and trust me when I tell you that I've heard all sorts of bizarre comments about my hair length. I don't know why people think it's perfectly fine to butt into other people's inconsequential personal choices, except that they haven't thoroughly thought through that it's impolite to criticize another person, and that's what they're doing.

[wintersun99]

............

[nicolezoie]

Apparently there is more behind my MIL's little "digs" about my lifestyle choices. According to HER preconceived generational standards, I'm expected to be in a "100 percent presentable" way whenever I'm out of bed, and with wavy hair, that's just not going to happen (especially if it's freshly washed and my curls are peeping out everywhere). Just about any time that my hair is down & braided, loose, air-drying, or otherwise VISIBLE, she goes on and on about how I should do 99 things that you shouldn't do with hair if you want healthy hair. Perhaps she's trying to be helpful, but at the same time, it's really annoying. Thank goodness she doesn't live with us, otherwise I might have already given her my two bits on HER hair... *ahem*

You could always tell your mother that you're not here to decorate anyone else's world.

[kdaniels8811]

It is awfully difficult to hear criticism from your mom. Mine did that until I sat down and had a discussion with her about how her comments hurt me and she was shocked, she had no idea! She was honestly trying to be helpful. I cannot say her behavior changed much, but my perception did once I realized it was her way of saying she cared and I was able to let it roll off my back a little easier. Good luck to you. My mom passed from cancer several years ago and I would give anything to hear the criiticism and have her annoy the crap out of me as she used to! It is your hair and your life...

[noelgirl]

I've preferred my hair long since childhood and I've been rather stubborn about it, so anyone in my family with anything to say about it gave up that fight a long time ago. I think that the big thing is that it's understood that this is me. I'm strange anyway, so this is just yet another thing that the weird hippie chick of the family does. My advice would be to make it clear that she might have her preferences, but you have yours. And good luck on the job search.

[sandigirl]

My mom does the same thing. Even though I get lots of compliments on my hair (often right in front of her) she always tells me to cut it and that it's too long. I just say thanks and then I let it go. She doesn't push it.
Good luck with everything.

[kam984420]

I live with my parents and my grandmother. my parents don't give a damn about my hair (with a child like me who is into tattoos and piercings and crazy industrial clothing and stuff like that, hair is the least of concerns XD), but my grandmother, who is about 90 years old and no longer totally adequate I think, is constantly commenting how ugly my hair is. too long, too thin, too red, too straight, you're way too old to have long hair, why can't you have pretty thick hair like your sister, just wail till you get cancer and lose all your hair etc etc etc.

but since I have never in my life heard a single positive comment from her about anything concerning myself, then I seriously no longer care.


unfortunately I live with my parents too due to financial problems not to mention the economy. My mother was asking if i would get a haircut if she was willing to pay for it. This was after i had decided to grow my hair long. (Im a guy). And she doesn't want her son having long hair. I've just acted like i was realy disappointed (LOL) when i told her the barber shop wasn't open. :). Then i just changed the subject and I still haven't cut it and don't plan to.

[Beloved]

Auryn, just do your own thing and focus on you. Once you get your new job and your own place, you will feel more independent and won't have to worry about what your mother thinks as much. Good luck with your search! Just keep doing what works for you. You know when your hair looks good, keep looking at your hair through your own eyes.

[jojo]

Oh I get this off my mum too and im like 40 this year! my dad backs me up though as he loves long hair, he thinks hair wouldnt grow if it was meant to be short! too true!

[noelgirl]

Oh I get this off my mum too and im like 40 this year! my dad backs me up though as he loves long hair, he thinks hair wouldnt grow if it was meant to be short! too true!

I love the way your dad thinks! Very logical ;)

[jojo]

I love the way your dad thinks! Very logical ;)
hes 80 next month and is forever telling my mum to grow out her 'toilet brush' (his words!) haircut!

[spidermom]

hes 80 next month and is forever telling my mum to grow out her 'toilet brush' (his words!) haircut!

Oh my! That's pretty rude, actually.

[vatikagirl]

Auryn.... just dont discuss anything more on that topic with ur mom... she'll get it. by the way... gurl u go and grow well. all the best :)

[jissy]

One thing you brought up that makes me think is that you say your long hair is wash and go. It's funny because i just posted a thread where I said I dont wanna be one of those moms that has wash and go hair. Meaning that their short hair is wash and go. I never really thought that it's the opposite. Long hair is less care when it comes to chemicals so thank you for posted that because it really opened my eyes. Short haired people have so much more to do with their hair.

I also have curly hair when it's short, although it's look very straight when long.

I have the pleasure of alway shaving a mom with beautiful long chestnut brown hair. She used Henna on it in the 70's and then just regular dye. Then went natural which was so perfect, it was tailbone length. Then she moved and she cut it and died it strawberry blond. It looks dry and has for many years, I can't do anything about that but her hair is still long and I never ever had any problems with her or dad saying anything about my hair being "too long". lol
She did cry when I cut it really short back in the 93' lol. She still has the braid that we did before I had it cut off. lol

Your mom doesn't understand and you can't blame her. it's funny because up until I saw this post I really thought short hair was wash and go. So that is what your mom thinks i'm sure. It's easier to most people to put product in your hair to keep it wear it should be then try to go natural.

No need to be upset with her or anyone... Simply say this treatment of my hair will make it easier and healthier. Its my head, thanks for your concern mom i know you love me.

If it's someone else like a stranger just laugh and walk away lol.

[sahiba]

When I was going to get married in one function I wanted to keep my hair open and was told by one relative that I can't since hair had to have something to show off , I was very hurt and from then got such complex that I stopped keeping my hair open. So no more criticism .:hifive: :grin:

[jissy]

Sahiba, dont be hurt by someone not being taught to not be rude. You are an adult and you can teach your little boy to appreciate a woman with long hair and you can teach any daughters you might have how to properly care for long hair AND not be rude to others when their hair is short. If you enjoy it then do as you wish, unless of course religious reasons means you have to cover it or put a hat on in church. Those days of going to a Catholic church with a bonnet on are over in this day and age but I do remember them and do miss them.

[NebraskaChick84]

wow so sorry you are going through this. ((hugs)) generally I (as a rule) don't care what other people think so I tend not to get a lot of criticism for stuff like that. I told my mom I was growing out my hair and she said "finally!" and then I told her I was oiling it and she made a face and then says "so it really works huh?"

[Demetrue]

As a daughter AND a parent, I have come to realize that many parents have trouble with "boundary issues" - they have trouble realizing that their child is a separate individual with a separate path to follow in life. I know that some mothers view their daughters as extensions of themselves and it is really hard for them to let go of constantly trying to control everything about them. Some moms view their daughters as dolls that they made to play with - they want to dress them, style their hair, etc .. it's really hard as a daughter not to take the criticism personally, but in the end, the criticism is not about you or what you look like, it's about a parent's difficulty letting their children grow up and make their own decisions.

[Auryn]

Thanks for all the advice guys. I really do appreciate it. She hasn't brought it up again, but if/when she does, I will ask her to not bring it up again.

It's just frustrating because I have pretty low self esteem as it is, so when anyone says that I should change something, I start to think that I look absolutely horrible. But I also have to remember when my hair was long before that a lot of people loved it and thought it was so pretty.

Just gonna take some time. ^^

[Feline]

When people ask me why I wear my hair "that way", usually tell them that 1. I like it that way, 2. my husband loves it that way, and 3. nobody else gets a vote in the matter. That usually settles them :).

As far as family goes, the only one who seems to object is my one sister, but then she seems to object to nearly everything I do, such as earn a living and stay married. She feels it makes her look bad. :rolleyes: Consequently, we ignore her. Most of the family has no opinion in the matter, however, several nieces love it (because I let them braid it and things), and my husband's Polish-born Grandmother also liked it, so that took care of things on his side of the family. Grandma was a pretty formitable lady, God bless her.

[snowbird]

My hair was really short as a child, I was also very blonde; it darkened in my teens. I'm also the only curly in the family.

So, fast forward to my early twenties. I've grown my hair out, and it's huge. And it's not blonde. Both of my parents had constant quips, from the outright hilarious (dad calculating our lost gas milage in the convertible due to the drag on my hair) to the 'shouldn't you dye it blonde', 'isn't it awful big', 'when will it stop', etc...

The quasi-negative comments became more frequent as my hair got longer. My parents are divorced, and when I next came home, I waited for each in turn to get started on my hair and very calmly/sweetly told them:

'you only have yourself to thank'

Amazing effect- a total 180! Now they rave how wonderful my hair is. Playing the genetics card worked for me, though don't know if it would in your situation...

[Auryn]

My hair was really short as a child, I was also very blonde; it darkened in my teens. I'm also the only curly in the family.



This made me giggle a bit...I'm the only female (natural) curly in the family!

[teeleigh]

my boyfriend said the other day "Why do you always wear your hair in a bun? its so boring" I don't always wear it in a bun thats just the only one he notices



Interesting . . . and exactly how many new and exciting hairstyles has HE worn this month???

[tigerlily83]

I know this may not help, but I've received the exact opposite of criticism from my mom when it comes to hair. When I was younger, there were times where I liked to keep it above shoulder length and she would say "I miss your long hair"...so did I, most of the time I'd have to trim away the dead ends from multiple blowdrying/flatironing sessions back then. There was a time in 7th grade where my hair was down to waist length. She applauds me for growing out my hair and taking better care of it....there is a picture of my mom and I (including my dad) in my photo album from Christmas '04....she is my long hair idol! :)

I have yet to receive a hair criticism recently, so that is good....but if I did have one, I'd just ignore their comment, because it doesn't matter what other people think about my hair. Most compliment me on it.

I would just keep doing what you're doing - you are a grown woman and no one can tell you different about your hair. If it makes you happy, that's all that should matter. Keep growing! :)

[ReddishRocks]

My father used to be very opinionated about my hair too. I whacked it down to the nubs and he freaked. :D I sat him down and told him very calmly, and very clearly, "Dad, it's my hair and it's just hair. I will do with it what makes me happy. I'd really appreciate it if you kept any negative hair vibes to your bald self." LOL!

I'm lucky that I have a dad I can say that to. ;) It worked surprisingly well. Whenever he made a comment about my hair, he was careful to make it absolutely neutral. Poor guy. I guess he can be gratified now that I'm growing it out to my waist.

[sahiba]

Sahiba, dont be hurt by someone not being taught to not be rude. You are an adult and you can teach your little boy to appreciate a woman with long hair and you can teach any daughters you might have how to properly care for long hair AND not be rude to others when their hair is short. If you enjoy it then do as you wish, unless of course religious reasons means you have to cover it or put a hat on in church. Those days of going to a Catholic church with a bonnet on are over in this day and age but I do remember them and do miss them.

I was hurt but I became o.k. :) I know she meant that it would not look that good but I think I became over sensitive .



Interesting . . . and exactly how many new and exciting hairstyles has HE worn this month???

:gabigrin: Thats a good question.

[Beatnik Guy]

When I was going to get married in one function I wanted to keep my hair open and was told by one relative that I can't since hair had to have something to show off , I was very hurt and from then got such complex that I stopped keeping my hair open. So no more criticism .:hifive: :grin:
Just so you're clear, sahiba, there'd be no negative comments if you want to share open (or loose) hair with us here, ok? :)

[desertrose]

i get criticism sometimes but i just ignore it and image how long my hair will grow..and then im happy again:)

[neon-dream]

I get a lot of criticism here, but mainly for the colour.
I tend to find ignoring them is the best thing to do, because I know I love it.
:blossom:

[joyfulmom4]

My mom isn't a fan of my long hair either. She used to offer a lot more comments and opinions but over the years she has gotten better. Let me take a moment here to note that I love my mom and I think she's a wonderful mother and I have all the respect and appreciation in the world for her. But sometimes she just plain drives me nuts expressing unwelcome opinions and trying to influence me. I *know* she *means well*, but it's irritating nonetheless. (I wonder sometimes whether I'll do the same thing someday when my own kids grow up and do things that I disagree with... ? LOL!) I think it's human nature.

So don't let mom get you too upset. She has her own maternal "vision" of what you should look like and how you would be most beautiful. And that's fine. Even though you're 29, she spent the greater part of the last 30 years being responsible for your care and well-being and appearance and so on. It's hard to let go of that. If you keep that in mind, it's easier to let her comments roll off of you without stirring up your emotions. She probably thinks she's being helpful and subtle. My mom sometimes makes comments that she thinks are tiny hints but are sledge-hammer blunt blows. Instead of getting annoyed, I can now smile and shrug it off. It might be different if I thought she was mean-spirited or critical. But she's just mom. And I'm going to assume your mom is that way too. When I consider the balance of *useful* and *much-appreciated* advice and help and opinion I've received from mom over the years, the scales still weigh heavily in her favor. :-) Gettting past my feelings of irritation was half the battle for me. After that, it was easier to get her to change.

What I used to do was to get irritated and stew and fume about it. (Nothing like sitting around rehashing someone else's offenses to make things worse...) I thought I was just "ignoring her" but if I was really *ignoring* then I would let it go, not carry it around in my head with me. Or I'd get angry and snap at her and hurt her feelings. Or I'd be sarcastic and say something smart-alecky or defensive or some other manner that just fed the conflict between us. None of the negative responses was good. It's fine to be snarky if you're dealing with a stranger or minor acquaintance, but when it's your mom and you really want to continue to have a good relationship with her, then copping an attitude doesn't get you anywhere.

Eventually I learned that it was better to simply be calm and assertive and tell her how I felt in a non-accusatory way. "Mom, I know you're not a fan of long hair and I appreciate that, but I really enjoy wearing my hair long and I feel good with it in this style. When you make comments suggesting that I should change it or that it doesn't look nice, that makes me feel bad. I would really appreciate if you didn't say those things." I had to say this on more than one occasionas it didn't necessarily change overnight. She even used to deny it at first. But eventually, it seemed to sink in and I no longer hear the comments. I get comments about other things now and then (my housekeeping for example) and I try to remember to keep my composure and deal with it similarly. It's common. It's a "mom thing" I think. I just hope I won't succumb to the temptation when my own kids get older...

[Auryn]

I get comments about other things now and then (my housekeeping for example) and I try to remember to keep my composure and deal with it similarly. It's common. It's a "mom thing" I think. I just hope I won't succumb to the temptation when my own kids get older...


I get the comments about my housekeeping too..she's a 'neatfreak' whereas I don't have a problem with a little clutter. She's constantly going on about how the house is a mess, when it's not. And it's especially hard for me because I went from having a house to a very small room for a lot of my things, so a good chunk of my belongings are in the attic until I can get a place of my own.

It's just a bit hard sometime's cuz I've been told by complete strangers that I should cut my hair too. So it makes me wonder..should I?

[joyfulmom4]

I get the comments about my housekeeping too..she's a 'neatfreak' whereas I don't have a problem with a little clutter. She's constantly going on about how the house is a mess, when it's not. And it's especially hard for me because I went from having a house to a very small room for a lot of my things, so a good chunk of my belongings are in the attic until I can get a place of my own.

It's just a bit hard sometime's cuz I've been told by complete strangers that I should cut my hair too. So it makes me wonder..should I?

:grouphug:

Yeah, I can relate. My mom is a wonderful housekeeper. She is naturally orderly and she has really good taste in decorating. Everything she puts together just looks great, like out of a magazine. Even though she doesn't have a huge amount of money or a big fancy house, her house still looks and feels nicer than most any place I've been. It's great when you have that knack. And I don't. Couple my lack of decorating ability with my limited time and my natural tendency for disorder and the accumulation of clutter and well, let's just say my house is the polar opposite of moms. Not in a good way at all.

I try to keep the same attitude about the house as the hair. But it's hard. And from time to time I've been known to make some snappy little comments like "the mop is in the hall closet if that floor bothers you too much". :o Try not to do that too much though. If I can deal with things pleasantly and directly that's best.

I did have to be really assertive and speak up loud and clear once though. Mom dropped by on a day when I had my sewing stuff out all over the place. I had had a 4-day weekend off work and spent the first 3 days cleaning, shopping, doing laundry, taking care of kids, etc, etc, etc. Day 4 was *my* day. Finally. To do something *I* enjoyed. So out came the sewing stuff and it was quite the pile of clutter all over the dining room and kitchen tables, counters, etc. Mom dropped by unexpectedly and she must have been really upset by the mess. She gave me a serious talking to. Told me that my house was a mess and I should be ashamed to have it this way. My children would never be able to bring their friends home to an embarrassment like that, etc, etc. She said she always kept our home nice for our family, etc (true actually). I started to try to defend myself and explain my 3 days of working and such and such. Then I stopped in mid-sentence and simply stated flat out, "Mom, if you're going to come here and criticize me in this way, then you will no longer be welcome to drop in unannounced. I will be happy to have you over, but you will need to call ahead before coming, so that the house will be in order when you arrive. And if I am unable to meet your expectations at the time, then you'll have to postpone visiting us." I was *ticked* but I didn't shout or anything. She politely excused herself and left. I was a little wary that she'd be angry about it but she never said another word.

And to her credit, she's been my number one helper when it comes to any and all projects around my home. If I paint, clean cupboards, move furniture, reorganize, you name it, mom is always there to lend a hand. I totally appreciate her.

Long story. Both the hair and the house. But what I'm trying to say is that we're all different and we've got our different preferences and our different tendencies and abilities. If we're accepting of one another, respectful and honest, then that usually works best in my experience. At least when it's our loved ones we're dealing with.

[Silverlox]

My DM is a militant shorthair and she's constantly telling me to cut mine. You're lucky your DM is advocating a bob, mine wouldn't be happy unless I sported a pixie! :rolleyes:

How do I handle it?

Well, basically I just smile and cheerfully say "no, I don't think so". It works for every comment.

Examples:

DM: - Who don't you get a nice, short hairdo, it would be much easier for you.
Me :D: - No, I don't think so.

DM: - You should really cut your hair short, you look much prettier that way.
Me :D: - No, I don't think so.

You get the picture. The key is in the smile, I think. At least that's what keeps my DM from getting offended.

Even though you're presently living with your mother, you're still an adult. You don't need to defend your choices, just establish that you've made them. Your hair, your choice and don't let anyone convince you otherwise! :thumbsup:

Regarding trying to explain your hair care experiments to your mother, I think you should give it up. She's obviously not interested in learning anything about that you do, or the how-s and why-s. That's what these boards are for, - being able to discuss such matters with people who're interested in a variety of haircare. :p

My best advice to you is:

Never try to explain to someone who's not willing to listen anyway. Just give a non-offensive reply to indicate that you heard what they said, and then go on talking about other things.

Regarding hair criticism from strangers, - if you didn't specifically ask for their opinion, it's perfectly okay to simply ignore anything they say.
Were it me, I'd probably give a snarky reply, but somehow I don't picture you as the snarky type..

[sahiba]

Just so you're clear, sahiba, there'd be no negative comments if you want to share open (or loose) hair with us here, ok? :)



Got it and thank you :D

[Margeaux]

For me, it's been the exact reverse. The longer my hair gets, the more compliments I get, whereas when I had it very short (jaw/shoulderlength) I got people telling me to grow it out. I was always hoping their reasoning went that my hair was so mesmerisingly beautiful there should be more of it and never took any of it as an offence, but in retrospect I'm thinking the real reason for those comments was probably my square head shape.
Long, face-framing hair is most flattering for me.

[rapunzhell13]

For me, it's been the exact reverse. The longer my hair gets, the more compliments I get, whereas when I had it very short (jaw/shoulderlength) I got people telling me to grow it out. I was always hoping their reasoning went that my hair was so mesmerisingly beautiful there should be more of it and never took any of it as an offence, but in retrospect I'm thinking the real reason for those comments was probably my square head shape.
Long, face-framing hair is most flattering for me.

Same here, when I had short hair people kept insisting that I should be growing it out. I hated it. Short or long, it's still my hair. I don't get why people feel the need to dictate others' appearances. :confused:

[rapunzhell13]

LOL I just realised that I put when I had short hair, as if it's not still short right now! :p

Sorry for the double post. :o

[Vyo]

Pff. Who cares what she thinks? I know a lot of people responding have already said this, and will continue to say it, but... Ignore her! It isn't easy, I know. I used to get the same thing from my mom all the time until only recently. It would always be either something like, "Go get your hair cut already! If you can't take care of it, don't grow it that long! It looks like ****!!" or "Why don't you get your hair out of your face?! You look like a freak! Don't ever let me catch you trimming your bangs again!! Grow it out and part it in the middle! You disgusting creature, you look like a hobo!".

And, as trying as it may sound, I learned to ignore her. Thanks to, of course, the little bit of self-confidence I surprisingly gained and the support and compliments received from my friends. ^_^ (They like my long hair, lol.)

[joyfulmom4]

Your own *mother* talks to you like this? :( That's a shame.


Pff. Who cares what she thinks? I know a lot of people responding have already said this, and will continue to say it, but... Ignore her! It isn't easy, I know. I used to get the same thing from my mom all the time until only recently. It would always be either something like, "Go get your hair cut already! If you can't take care of it, don't grow it that long! It looks like ****!!" or "Why don't you get your hair out of your face?! You look like a freak! Don't ever let me catch you trimming your bangs again!! Grow it out and part it in the middle! You disgusting creature, you look like a hobo!".

And, as trying as it may sound, I learned to ignore her. Thanks to, of course, the little bit of self-confidence I surprisingly gained and the support and compliments received from my friends. ^_^ (They like my long hair, lol.)

[MadPirateBippy]

Tell your mom that you read that women with long hair in up dos tend to do better in interviews.

I will make that true for you right now by writing it:

Women do better in interviews if they have long hair in an up-do like a bun. :)

I assume this will be true in your case because it will make you feel more confidant and beautiful.

:D I have an odd sense of humor so when my Mom starts telling me I should cut my hair because it's not perfect, I say "Yes, and I have a large butt, too."

Usually gets her to calm down. :)