Never thougth this would happen to me

[Phalaenopsis]

Oh yes, I still cannot believe it. I thought it only was for the extreme longhairs and pretty ones.

I went out to get a pizza and as I was waiting for my order, the pizza guy who has to lure in customers tried to hit on me.

Guy: Turkish?
Me: Uh? Do you mean if I am Turkish?
Guy: Uh uh.
Me: No.
G: Polish then?
M: Uhm, nooo.
G: What are you then?
M: Flemish.
G: Oh, you're belgian. We would fit great together. I'm Italian, you know. What's your name? I'm X.
Give me your hand.
M: No, they're fine in my pockets. Hey look, my pizza is ready.

*gives me pizza*
G: Let's shake hands.
M: ugh... alright then

He wanted to kiss my hand and I pulled away and tried to get outside as fast as I can.
And as I am wrestling with the pizza and the door, he graps my ponytail and caresses it. :mad:

Seriously, I did not expect this to happen to me. Maybe it was a bit naive of me, but I thought stuff like this only happened in a big country like America or something.:confused:

I'm feeling violated and very idiotic right now.

[MandaMom2Three]

He would have found his face covered with piping hot cheese if he tried that on me :mad:

[xeternalsilence]

One of the men who work at the pizza place near my dance studio is very... um... friendly(?) to females...

A lot of the girls will go there in between classes to get something to eat and he always makes comments about how great they look in the dance clothes and how pretty they are.


I never go in there... He makes me feel very uncomfortable.
:justy:

[Samikha]

Yeah, it's such a shock that those people actually exist, isn't it? It's happened to me on vacation and at home a couple times, usually late at night with random people talking to me...though never hair-related. That's icky!

I always wear my headphones when I'm walking about outside, and being naïve, I'm stupid enough to take them off and say, excuse me, could you repeat that?

I always regret it.:rolleyes:

[Phalaenopsis]

It was not particular about the hitting on me.
It was the caress-my-hair-thingie, that was the unbelievable part, that's why I put it here.

[Samikha]

Oh, okay, I managed to miss that the first time. Sorry, it's been a long day :) When someone I know touches my hair, I feel a strong urge to wash it...a stranger, I think I'd almost chop it off ><

[skydancer7]

Ok I have a story for you. Once a guy grabbed my ass. I chased after him (he was on a bike), grabbed his nuts really hard and yelled "ASK BEFORE YOU TOUCH!". He appologized profusely, then came back around 3 minutes later to apologize again. I have never felt so wonderful in my entire life.

Now this may count as "aggressive" rather than "assertive" but I assure you this: My strenght came from lots of hard work in assertiveness and therapy. I used to be very sweet and submissive, and allowed men to make me feel uncomfortable. No longer. I suggest you start ASAP with assertiveness training if you wish to take back control.

That said, I am sorry this happened to you. I know the feeling, and it is very uncomfortable. Know that it is NOT your fault. Know that you can improve yourself and strengthen yourself to make this happen less and less often.

Also: FORGIVE yourself for not protecting yourself like you may have wished to be able to. It is a learned skill. It takes work, and practice.

[LutraLutra]

How horrible for you, and what a creepy guy. You don't have to feel idiotic, you've done nothing wrong or bad or silly. Why not call up, or go and see someone you love, either friend or family, and have a nice relaxing time with them. I repeat - you did nothing wrong and you're not an idiot. :grouphug:

[Phalaenopsis]

Oh, okay, I managed to miss that the first time. Sorry, it's been a long day :) When someone I know touches my hair, I feel a strong urge to wash it...a stranger, I think I'd almost chop it off ><

I do have to urge to wash it, but I'll have to wait until tomorrow. We all have long days sometimes ;)



That said, I am sorry this happened to you. I know the feeling, and it is very uncomfortable. Know that it is NOT your fault. Know that you can improve yourself and strengthen yourself to make this happen less and less often.

Also: FORGIVE yourself for not protecting yourself like you may have wished to be able to. It is a learned skill. It takes work, and practice.

You don't know how much this means to me. I wish someone said that to me when I was 16 and got harassed.
I'm not angry this time, but I do feel idiotic. I'm indeed still the sweet submissive girl.


How horrible for you, and what a creepy guy. You don't have to feel idiotic, you've done nothing wrong or bad or silly. Why not call up, or go and see someone you love, either friend or family, and have a nice relaxing time with them. I repeat - you did nothing wrong and you're not an idiot. :grouphug:

Thank you :flower: I am going to call a good friend.

It's just, apparently I'm already a longhair to the outside world. When I read similar topics, it always looked so far away and it was not going to happen to me. The same with my family laughing and doing the I'm-going-to-cut-your-hair gesture. The last two months or so, suddenly something changed :confused:

[MandaMom2Three]

Ok I have a story for you. Once a guy grabbed my ass. I chased after him (he was on a bike), grabbed his nuts really hard and yelled "ASK BEFORE YOU TOUCH!". He appologized profusely, then came back around 3 minutes later to apologize again. I have never felt so wonderful in my entire life.

Picturing this epic Terminator 2-esque chase scene :D . Hasta la vista baby :cool:

[pariate]

Ugh, what a creep! I echo the sentiments expressed by Skydancer - don't give yourself a hard time about this, it's not your fault and you didn't do anything wrong. You'll learn from this experience and maybe next time somebody is making you feel uncomfortable you'll feel able to put them in their place. And give them a face full of cheese if they go anywhere near your hair ;)

Sending you hugs and good wishes.

[beatrixn]

Eww... I'm so sorry that happened. People have always tried to touch my hair - it's so violating, I can't even imagine attempting to touch another person's hair without asking. I don't get why people think hair is part of the public domain, free to grabbed by anyone. My mom's Native, and I was raised with the idea that people's hair is a very important, private thing, and you do not mess with it, so I'm probably more sensitive about it than most. I used to know this guy, kind of a friend of a friend, and I don't know if he had a hair ****** or what, but he was always playing with my hair! So gross. I finally snapped one day, and yelled at him to basically stop being a creepy weirdo. He just kind of stared and stuttered, but he never touched my hair again, heh.

[Eryka]

This is why I keep my knee length hair in updo's 99&#37; of the time when I'm outside, either that or a braid that I can wear over the front part of my shirt. That way if someone tries to grab my braid it will look like they are grabbing my boobs. At that point, stranger meet Mr. Right Cross.

Just to restate what everyone has said, you did nothing wrong and this guy was out of line. Often times as women we don't want to "rock the boat" with guys for fear of retribution. This however leads guys to a false sense of entitlement, which is very dangerous. Next time that happens, give that guy a piece of your mind, (or fist, depending on the severity.) Or say something really loudly so it calls attention. You may feel awkward, (or have to find another place to get pizza), but you will feel good standing up for yourself and warning other women about some bozos behavior.

As an end note, learning self defense is never wasted. Just my opinion.

[suicides_eve]

weird. Yeah he would have had garlic powder thrown in his face if that was me

[NebraskaChick84]

oh my goodness! that would seriously scare me.

but then I don't think I'm much to look at so when people hit on me I think there's an ulterior motive. scary :(

[Schmoomunitions]

What a disqusting man!!!! What a pig! Acting like you, and all women, are his to touch!! It would be nice to spill your icy pepsi down his front!!!

[MischiefsMuse]

It might seem a little passive aggressive, but if this slime ball isn't the manager then you could call and talk to his boss. Reporting him might not get him fired but it should get him a talking to. Also, if you make it clear that you find that to be harassment then you have laid the preliminary ground work for a sexual harassment suit if for some reason he ever tried again.

[akurah]

He was out of line, and you are no way at fault for what he did, though my following suggestions may make you think that I believe otherwise. I don't! But I've been victim of harrassment in the past and the best way to avoid it (in minor cases, such as this, not so much the major cases, as sometimes a guy is gonna do whatever, consequences be damned) is often to keep some semblence of control.

Where you lost "control" in this particular situation is by taking his hand and shaking it. For him, it was likely a little personal victory and likely in his mind an unspoken permission to touch you. (When it was none of that, in reality, but that's beside the point)

I suspect if you didn't touch his hand, he may not have grabbed your hair.

I only mention this for a "future reference" type of thing, btw, so don't you dare beat yourself up over it. It also depends on some part on the guy--some guys may have grabbed your hair anyway.

[Tap Dancer]

Wow, what a freak! I can't believe some men think women like that kind of behavior. Like we really want strangers touching our hair while they say creepy things. :mad:

If he had asked for my hand, I would have said, "No! Now give me my damn pizza!" I get angry when I'm hungry and when strangers bother me. LOL

[Anje]

I'm sorry this happened to you.

I hate to say it, but my extraordinarily limited experience in Europe has suggested that many Italian males outside of Italy like to hit on the non-Italian girls. Friends traveling there have expressed the same.

Apologies to all the sensitive, well-behaved Italians out there that I haven't met.

[SHELIAANN1969]

First of all, :grouphug: for his actions.

Second, is he the owner of the restraunt, or a family member or just a worker?

I would call and complain if he isn't the acual owner and explain that you will be advising everyone you know about his behavior and that a dozen or so of your closest male relatives or the football team will soon be paying *Romeo* a visit. :D Let him *shake* on that for awhile, gross.

I would have told him "I wish you hadn't kissed my hand, I had a wedgie and just scratched my butt and I have influenza, it isn't a pretty smell" :D Yes, I know, pretty gross but what a butt-head!

[littlemiss]

I think if a stranger touched my hair or me without my consent they would have to DIE!!
Sounds creepy dont go back there and if you do take a six foot male with you or an axe!!!:hatchet:

[MandaMom2Three]

Yeah, death really must ensue. I'll help :D

[Sissy]

very strange indeed!

[dalriada-lady]

OMG! well you must be beautiful to get such a reaction. but yep it is a bit freaky, but i think italians are like that or am i wrong? my niece went to Italy for her sweet 16 birthday and she got so many italian men after her, and they didn't care how you looked. she told me that if i ever wanted to find a husband quick to go there and i'd be wed in 3 days.

Maybe i'm wrong? italian men are very outgoing and way too friendly, Nothing wrong with italians being ultra friendly but sometimes they do freak you out a bit with how outgoing they are. specially if they are attracted to you.


JMHO.