Coworker threatening to cut my hair

[DreamingLong]

A coworker keeps coming up behind me grabbing my ponytail and takes either scissors or a razor and puts it up to my ponytail acting like he is going to cut it off!!! He keeps saying come it will be fun, or just alittle bit. It's really pissing me off!!!
I keep telling him to stop, he thinks it's funny.

[Speckla]

Tell management. That is harrassment and threatening violence.

[Lady Lilya]

Point out that he is committing assault.

[Teazel]

I'd wear it up in a style close to my head, like a french twist. Little boys can't resist ponytails. :rolleyes: :wink:

[BigDreams]

I would probably tell him what *I* would cut off of his in return.
Of course thats' my teenage maturity at it's finest.

If it's really bothering you, your best bet is to try once more to really explain to him you don't appreciate it and it's not funny. If that doesn't work, try mentioning it to managment, they'd have to react.

[DreamingLong]

I have told him it's assalt. I have also said that if he did he would get something of his cut off in return. The other day it actually felt like he cut some off with the razor!!! I examined my hair for a long time.

[berr]

Hmmm. My first reaction would probably be to threaten him with physical violence if he so much as made a move towards cutting my hair. My second would be to tell management that if he touched me again they'd have a sexual harrassment case filed.

[Speckla]

I have told him it's assalt. I have also said that if he did he would get something of his cut off in return. The other day it actually felt like he cut some off with the razor!!! I examined my hair for a long time.

You should report him. Touching your hair unwanted is the same as if he'd touched your breasts or buttocks. The razor or scissors are means of expression violence or assault. Please, don't let him continue to do this to you.

[Elphie]

tell management that if he touched me again they'd have a sexual harrassment case filed.

What berr said. Before this man actually does something more. That's no longer a "joke" and you should not be working in fear of him going too far.

[Chromis]

Bun it and tell him off. I would think about your company's culture before reporting him, most will just write *you* off as the crazy one or you'll get labelled as a troublemaker. It might not be fair, but I'd hate for you to be out a job or promotion!

Also, if you are letting someone get away with things like that repeatedly, perhaps some assertiveness or even self-defence training is in order. Too often women are taught to be meek or to just "smile and play along" and it sounds like you might have a bit of that programming to overcome. You should never *need* to have to stand up for yourself or fight someone off obviously, but best to be able to when you have to.

[Kleis]

What a freak. Wear it up until you get this resolved and please report him.

Also, if he gets near you and you spot him in time, act evasively. Do not smile. Make full eye contact and tell him to get away from you with as much steel as you can muster.

Carry some pepper spray perfume with you and use it as a defensive weapon if he threatens you. Well, maybe you shouldn't, but I sure would and damn the consequences. A blast of stinky alcohol in the eyes would probably be pretty effective if he can't understand "Get the @#*(&* away from me."

[Mishka_84]

I would definitely tell management. Make a note of how many times (even if its an estimate) this has happened, how many times you've warned him off, and what his typical responses are. Even if they're not very pro-active, if you can tell them numbers they should have to respond in some way.

[chickpea]

Oh I would be livid if someone tried to do that to me. Definitely report the guy to management. If they won't do anything, call the police. I don't care if the guy was joking, he threatened you with a sharp object. What if you had struggled with him and the razor or scissors slipped? He is being an idiot.

[MusingFrog]

What the others said about telling management.

Also, how are you telling him to stop? Are you just asking in an annoyed type of way...or are you turning around, snatching your hair out of his hands, hands on hips, deadly seriously, telling him to back off? Make sure you are very assertive when telling him to stop it. Your entire demeanor should change from your regular self to you-don't-want-to-mess-with-me attitude instantaneously.

[Lara1]

I would talk to the management. First I would try to explain to them that this individual disturbing you at work time and you already said to him not to harass you, but he doesn't stop his behaviour. In case management will do nothing and this guy continue harassment, you could be more strict with them and say you will file harassment complain.

[Lara1]

Forgot to say, you shouldn't be afraid to talk to the management. Just try to do it in a very friendly way and show them how his behaviour will stain the company reputation and stress the fact that you can't work under this conditions.
GOOD LUCK!

[Themyst]

I used to work with a fellow years ago. He was a big man and I don't think he was 'all there' sometimes but he was nice and friendly. He used to like to yank my hair when I wore it in a hang-down braid and I HATED THAT!

One day he did it and I swung around and got visibly angry and yelled at him. He was truly sorry and he said so ... never did it again.

[Sofoulee]

My goodness... some people just weren't born with enough brain cells and respect for other people's wishes.

Hopefully after you take some assertive and threatening actions he'll wake up and get the hint. All of these suggestions: even the extreme one's are good. I just think you have to make yourself *crystal* clear about how you feel.

I wish you luck and a peaceful head (of hair). :)

[ladystar]

Oh man that would get me mad! That's really mean!

[annys]

This is going beyond harassment. As soon as he touched you, it became battery.

Any unwanted touch is battery. Threatening you with scissors and/or a razor compounds it to battery and threat with a potentially deadly weapon.

His intentions are irrelevant. Make sure management knows that he is committing a crime every time he touches you. If they do not respond, go to the police.

[Teacherbear]

I had a student ask what I'd do if someone came up behind me and cut my pony tail. I asked her, "Before or after I call the police for assault?" That shut her up.

I'm not real bit in making idle threats, so that is something I *would* do. So I suggest you just be tough and say, "Stop saying that or I'll take it as a threat . . . and treat it as one." Maybe adding that scissors and razors are considered weapons.

[Copasetic]

What a total creep.
Please complain to management/human resources or whoever it is that takes complaints of this nature.

[ladyluck]

Too often women are taught to be meek or to just "smile and play along" and it sounds like you might have a bit of that programming to overcome. You should never *need* to have to stand up for yourself or fight someone off obviously, but best to be able to when you have to.


What the others said about telling management.

Also, how are you telling him to stop? Are you just asking in an annoyed type of way...or are you turning around, snatching your hair out of his hands, hands on hips, deadly seriously, telling him to back off? Make sure you are very assertive when telling him to stop it. Your entire demeanor should change from your regular self to you-don't-want-to-mess-with-me attitude instantaneously.


I think the above two points are really important. I know they apply to me anyway. I'm guilty of being 'nicey nicey, playing along' but inside getting pee'd off and angry at peoples behaviour towards me. For me, its a self confidence thing. It's also easier for me to not deal with any sort of confrontation and to ease things by smiling it off.

Personally, I would try and tell this (obviously socially challanged) colleauge that you do not find this acceptable. Often when people realise that they have really made you feel uncomfortable/upset they will back off. Is there anyone in management you could have discrete word with, without it necessarily developing into harassment?

Anyway, I feel for you, been in similar situations. Good Luck. :flower:

[bte]

I wouldn't report it to management immediately - tell him it isn't funny, and if he does it again you will report him.

[Aditi]

Members have given you quiet a lot of suggestions, i hope something good works out for you.

[ladora]

That guy is nuts! Report him to management, or security. He could do much worse things with the razor than cutting your hair! :|

[ladora]

Oh and another note, you might want to sit down and make a note of the number of times he has done that to you: Day, date, time (if you can remember), what you were doing prior to and after his threat was made.

This is so that if it somehow snowballs to become something serious that ends up in court, or if he suddenly tells management you're lying and whatnot, you have immaculate evidence to prove that he's the liar, not you.

And maybe you could try confiding in one or two close colleagues; maybe he's done something similar to others and you guys can band together to stop the wacko, and at the same time they can watch out for you too.

(Sorry for the double post, i can't edit my posts yet.)

[Tap Dancer]

I hope you've reported him to management. If it continues, contact the police. The man is coming near you with a razor and that's dangerous. Why does he even have a weapon at work?!

[Tap Dancer]

I wouldn't report it to management immediately - tell him it isn't funny, and if he does it again you will report him.

It sounds like she's already told him numerous times to stop.

[vampodrama]

ugh... if someone touched my hair without my consent, I would punch them.

not kidding. it's like a reflex for me, I actually punch people. which gets me always into buttloads of trouble (like guys twice my size punching back etc) but I can't help it.

so. don't punch him unless you know you can take him ;)

[Dreamernz]

That is seriously not and never will be funny, I agree with everyone on the measures you should take, I myself am trained in a vast array of martial arts from judo to kickboxing so I know what I'd do, but seriously, don't let him get away with it!!!

[Lady Verity]

It's interestingly to read all the different reactions here. It makes me uncomfortable to realise that I would automatically be one of the 'smile meekly and hope he goes away' crowd. I need to work on that.

I agree that you should be very firm with him, and, failing that, tell the manager. Embarrassing him by saying very loudly - enough for coworkers to hear - "stop touching me" could work. I mean, when you say razors, do you mean he has razor blades on him? Because that is worrying.

[Sissy]

I think the above two points are really important. I know they apply to me anyway. I'm guilty of being 'nicey nicey, playing along' but inside getting pee'd off and angry at peoples behaviour towards me. For me, its a self confidence thing. It's also easier for me to not deal with any sort of confrontation and to ease things by smiling it off.

Personally, I would try and tell this (obviously socially challanged) colleauge that you do not find this acceptable. Often when people realise that they have really made you feel uncomfortable/upset they will back off. Is there anyone in management you could have discrete word with, without it necessarily developing into harassment?

Anyway, I feel for you, been in similar situations. Good Luck. :flower:

I agree with ladyluck that it is important to look at how you're telling him. Make sure you telling him in a serious way. If you've already tried that, the next step is management. Also, are co-workers aware of this (do you have witnesses to it that will back you up)? I would be taking this as a serious threat by now. You never know about people (I mean unless he's a close friend of yours). I have seen stories on AMW about females being raped and killed by co-workers. Sometimes, there was evidence of stalking and weird/illegal behavior like the co-worker making a peephole in the women's bathroom (in one case). Next thing that happened is the woman couldn't find her keys in her purse at the end of her work day (thought she'd lost them so met up with her husband and got into home). Actually, her keys were not lost the co-worker had stolen them! He knew enough about her routine that he knew her husband would be out of work that weekend. She was pregenant and a young daughter. The sicko broke into her house wearing a ski mask and using a stun gun and a I think a real gun too. He shocked her threatened her and her child's life, etc... raped her. I know it's sick to talk about and very scary but I just get so scared and untrusting due to stories like these. I would say this guy is definitely off if you've told him in a serious manner to stop and he doesn't. I would definitely be going to management... don't make yourself a victim of this guy. Good luck and let us know how it works out please.

[Sissy]

I'm betting he has razor on him as part of his job such as at a packaging/boxing job or some sort of job where he needs to open a lot of packages or cut through wires, etc. Anyhow, you don't work in a field where razors are required or expected, then I bet he'd get in trouble right there for having one on himself.

Also, I don't know if you live in The States. If you do and management tries to turn this around on you or fails to be helpful in getting it resolved you could contact OSHA (Occupational and Health Safety Administration) which is federal - US Department of Labor. I think they need to come out within a certain amount of time to evaluate the safety conditions of the workplace. I'm sure management would want to avoid this at all costs though and OSHA should only be contacted if you are continued to be threatened/harassed and company does nothing about it or is given many tries but does cannot resolve it.

[Viviane]

Definitely do not threaten him with violence. Once more tell him that this is an assault and you will call the cops and file bejeebers on him next time. Then follow through. It sounds like this moron will indeed not take your word for it and will again feel yer hair up with sharp blades.
Also a friendly reminder that he will be selling his kidneys to cover up the legal fees would be helpful. There is a time and place for understanding but when ever it comes on personal safety, stuidity and threats like these... it should be nipped in the bud.

[LaurelSpring]

Good suggestions here. I would definately put my hair secured up against my head with something like a hair zing or african butterfly comb. That would keep it all tucked up covered and safe.

[Chrissy]

So what are you going to do? Why does he have a razor? I do hope you do something. This is scary. Please let us know.

[SHELIAANN1969]

I would start notating the times and dates that he does this in a notebook and write down exactly what he says, or if you can, record it with audio/ or video if at all possible.

If you could invest in a little camera that people buy at walmart to monitor your desk and have it on live feed to your boss' desk, or to a tv that is recording, that would be absolutely great.

That way, you have proof and it may stop the perp in his tracks if you said, "oh hold on just a moment" brought the recorded abuse, played it back for him then asked what he meant by that.

But that costs a bit of money to invest in, either way, start notating the incidents at least.

I would tell the boss too, this is bogus and makes it hard to concentrate on work when you have to *watch your back* all the time.

Good luck. :grouphug:

[bte]

It sounds like she's already told him numerous times to stop.
Yes, I agree, the situation has got way beyond giving a warning before taking action. I think the only thing to do is to involve management or the police as soon as possible.

[LutraLutra]

Firstly, you need to be sure that he knows that your not joking when you say you don't like him doing what he's doing. Keep your voice nice and level, be nice and calm with him and expain that you don't like it. Say to him 'Can you understand that when you do that I don't like it?' And if he says 'yes' then does it again go to your line manager straight away and explain what the problem is. He may just need to know that this isn't the way he should behave. Hope you get this sorted out soon. You don't have to put up with his behaviour.

[frizzinator]

Don't bother with management. Find some witnesses. Note the date, time of day and what he said. Spend your time gathering evidence. If the behavior continues, and you think you have enough evidence, call some attorneys. You may have to call several lawyers in order to find one interested in the case.

[Elphie]

I checked your location (US) and Sissy's suggestion is a good one. If management does not take your concern seriously, contacting OSHA (as well as an attorney) would be my next step.

These are OSHA's emergency contact methods:
http://www.osha.gov/html/Feed_Back.html

[DreamingLong]

Thank you all for your ideas. We work in a restaurant so the razor is used to cut open boxes. Scissors open other packages. I am actually the GM at the restaurant. Maybe I have not been firm enough with him about this. Next time it happens he will know that I am NOT JOKING!:mad:

[Stevy]

That's awful. I'd suggest you leave the hair angle out of it altogether and the next time he tries it, tell him that you don't appreciate him touching you or think it's appropriate workplace behaviour. Maybe that'll shock him out of acting in such an inappropriate way to a co-worker.

[Eboshi]

Thank you all for your ideas. We work in a restaurant so the razor is used to cut open boxes. Scissors open other packages. I am actually the GM at the restaurant. Maybe I have not been firm enough with him about this. Next time it happens he will know that I am NOT JOKING!:mad:
You're the GM ? Give this "man" a pink slip.

[Mebo]

I'd also consider, after telling him in no uncertain terms that his jokes are not funny, and that you're taking it as a threat, wearing a metal hairstick. Practice whirling and pulling out the hairstick at the same time, holding it in a self-defensive manner. Let him know that touching you in any form is unwelcome. Eye contact is essential, back him down like a dog.

Then fire his *ss.

[Darkhorse1]

Tell your manager, then print off something from the web in regards to assault, and that you can sue him for every penny he has, and trust me, he'll leave you alone.

Also, you can fight fire with fire--grab a razor and say 'fine, you cut my hair, I'll defend myself and cut your throat'. That may get the point across. ;)

[Darkhorse1]

I would take him aside and say 'I know you are joking, but I don't take it as a joke. Please stop this as it is considered harrassement. If you ever tried to cut someone's hair without their permission, you can be charged with assault and put in prison as well as sued for a lot of money'. I think he'll get the message.

[akurah]

If you're the manager, you really should fire him. Its inappropriate and if he's doing it to you there's a good chance he's doing it to other women, which opens up your restaurant to risk of lawsuit for having a hostile workplace.

[AutumnSky]

He's doing this to his GM??? What a maroon...... IDK if your corporate structure is anything like mine, but if it is, and you have to go up a level to pink slip him, do so immediately. Involve your DM/area manager/whatever the next level is and get him outta there, since he obviously has no respect for your position, and or authority. This sin't just battery, assualt, threats, this is....insubordination. You are not required, as a manager, to "be a bigger person" and "take one for the team".

Unacceptable....

[Sissy]

He's doing this to his GM??? What a maroon...... IDK if your corporate structure is anything like mine, but if it is, and you have to go up a level to pink slip him, do so immediately. Involve your DM/area manager/whatever the next level is and get him outta there, since he obviously has no respect for your position, and or authority. This sin't just battery, assualt, threats, this is....insubordination. You are not required, as a manager, to "be a bigger person" and "take one for the team".

Unacceptable....

I agree, it is insubordination and grounds for dismissal.

[Auryn]

Instead of waiting for the next time it happens, report it now. If there is a next it could be that he really does decide to cut it off.

While I'm a firm believer that you shouldn't have to keep your hair up to keep him from messing with it, (You do have the right to wear your hair as you want to without other people messing with it) I'd probably wear an updo until this is resolved or the guy is fired.

[MermaidGirl]

Thank you all for your ideas. We work in a restaurant so the razor is used to cut open boxes. Scissors open other packages. I am actually the GM at the restaurant. Maybe I have not been firm enough with him about this. Next time it happens he will know that I am NOT JOKING!:mad:

You need to fire this a-hole. Immediately! Document his actions so that should he retaliate with some sort of lawsuit, you have evidence of his harassment and battery.

[mjm4]

defintely; agree with everyone else. 3 things:
1) verbal threatening: you should tell him calmly and firmly to stop this "amusing" action of his before he finds the consequences "not so amusing".
2) take action the first: report him to a higher authority, so that a report about him may be filed. if you are the highest uthority, perhaps speak to the police about him. i know it sounds drastic, but with the kind of stain that your police report carries, it would be difficult for him to ever get a job anywhere else. also, he might get a restraining order.
3) take action the second: fire him. i wouldn't think it is safe having him around as a worker in anything (cleaning, cooking, unpackaging, etc) because ultimately, he is someone who gets a high out of scissors and razors (spooky and dangerous persona) and hence one day they might hit something that isn't your hair.

i would do the police report before you fire him, that way he's less likely to be abusive to you.

good luck with all of this. hope something really bugs him before he gets nasier :D

[Deborah]

I think you need to report him to whomever you report to, or to the police, immediately. Then either, (1) tell him you have had it, have reported him, and will fire him if he ever again touches you in any way, anywhere on your person, or (2) just fire him. (Alternative (2) seems best to me.)

For your safety I believe you should report him first, then talk to him, telling him right up front that you have reported him. In that way he will most likely be hesitant to harm you, as others will already know of his harassment. Do not assume that he is harmless, even if you have known him for a long while. There are way too many creeps/nuts out there to be naive about this.

[wintersun99]

I'm curious - if his boundaries are this wacky with his "boss" than what is going on [that you don't know about] between this guy and his female co-workers? Not reporting him, or disciplining him in some way, or even arranging harassment awareness classes for all employees, may put you at risk for other issues if another employee is having problems with him and it's discovered you've had too, yet never did anything about it. This IS about more than just you, here... think seriously what inaction could cost YOU... if you're the boss, than workplace safety is your responsibility. This is not to be ignored.

[jera]

I really don't know what to tell you to do. Where's lawyergirl? I think this guy is immature, unprofessional, and maybe dangerous. He sounds like a psycho from your description and capable of anything. :(

[lapushka]

A coworker keeps coming up behind me grabbing my ponytail and takes either scissors or a razor and puts it up to my ponytail acting like he is going to cut it off!!! He keeps saying come it will be fun, or just alittle bit. It's really pissing me off!!!
I keep telling him to stop, he thinks it's funny.


This is hardly normal behavior.

I'd mention it to someone higher up the ladder. Mention that he comes up behind you with a razor or scissors. That's what makes this dangerous, it's more than verbal abuse. It's more than anyone should take. I'd also go to the police with this, most certainly if he persists and if it's beyond measures that can be taken at work by higher-ups. Tell them that you are contemplating going to the police. This sounds dangerous enough that he might actually harm you.

It's hardly funny. I can't see how, and in what other type of circumstances, this would or could be funny. Sounds like a very unstable character. This has nothing to do with the guy's maturity. Something's not right with this guy. Keep safe and DO something about it yesterday. Please!

If you are high enough up the ladder that *you* can do something, it's *your* responsibility.

[Kittee]

Fire him immediately.

Too many good people are out there looking for work currently that could fill his shoes in a freaking heart beat.

Fire him for harassment / assault. However you want to word it. Be sure to have documented the times that he did this.

Well actually- first off-

1. Write him up. Make him sign it. Let him know you are deadly serious about his behavior and that it's unacceptable.

2. Fire him if it happens again.


(Being a manager myself, unfortunately that is your safest route, always cross your t's and dot your i's.)

Do you have a HR department? They can help you as well.

[Drynwhyl]

When I was a (longhaired) kid, other kids used to do that to me, until I became serious and told im the scissors are ending up in their eyes.
But he's an adult! @_@
I would assume he's a pervert of some kind o.O

[Elleyena]

Everyone has good suggestions for this. If you are the manager, I would warn him that if he does it again, he will be written up/fired/whatever other punishment you can do for assault. You really should report it to the police.
Personally, my temper would get the best of me after a bit and I would really tell the guy off if he didn't listen to me, especially if I was in a particularly bad mood that day.
I really hope you can work everything out before something horrible happens.

[Pierre]

I was going to suggest that you charge him with battery. But if you work in a restaurant, that could result in contaminating the food with sulfuric acid or nickel cadmium, which is not good. So enlist the help of the potter who makes the plates, and fire him.

[Henitsirk]

I have been a supervisor before (in an office) and this kind of thing was taken very seriously. If you work for a corporation, they must have an HR department and/or standard policies for how to write someone up in anticipation of firing them. If not, then you would need to do what so many others here have said already: document the occurrences and your responses, and then act on it. It sounds to me like you've given this person more than enough chances...IMHO too many chances, as I think it's important to be consistent with these kinds of things.

In most states touching someone's hair at work could be considered harassment, and threatening (even in a joking manner) to cut their hair is certainly harassment. I'll bet that's grounds for immediate firing. And this is a safety issue for both you and the other employees. Don't worry about being too nice!

[Girltron]

I'd just like to say I'm sorry you've been through this.

When I was very young, I was abused by a co worker. I have learned that my personal space (an arm's length from my body) is not to be violated by any one at all. Jokes and flirtation like this are not appropriate and I don't want to know anyone who would do such a thing. I move away from people when they stand too close. I speak sternly to them, in front of witnesses, when they repeat the action. And I do not tolerate, in any way shape or form, actual touching of my body or my hair.

Most people will stop if you tell them sternly that you don't allow this kind of activity. The few who won't stop need to be dealt with in an official capacity, first writing them up and then terminating their employment. Behavior like that is illegal in the USA and you have every right to do these things. Believe me that whatever internal-politics type of repercussions might ensue, it's FAR better than finding yourself the pliant victim of a person like that.

Draw the line right away and stick to it. Hands-on joking is wrong and unprofessional. You can't allow it with some people and not with others, so be clear with your co workers and remain consistent. Your personal safety is your absolute first duty and consideration.

[Debra83]

If that doesn't work, I can lend you my purse to do a "Ruth Buzzie" character impersonation. It is so heavy, it will cold-**** him on the first impact. Please have someone video tape if you take that route. I hate work bullies, and don't understand how they get off on stuff like that. Funny thing is though, I get madder about it when I hear other people going through it (you for instance) than I think I would if it was me. Weird, eh?

[bte]

Tell your manager, then print off something from the web in regards to assault, and that you can sue him for every penny he has, and trust me, he'll leave you alone.

Also, you can fight fire with fire--grab a razor and say 'fine, you cut my hair, I'll defend myself and cut your throat'. That may get the point across. ;)
First half of this - OK; second half: very understandable, but not a good idea, in my opinion. The situation needs to be made less violent, not more violent.

[minkstole]

I will go against the grain here, and NOT advocate writing him up/contacting the police/going all karate on his ass. I agree with the poster who wrote that situation does not need to be escalated.

It´s easy being an internet tough-guy or girl, but real life´s a little different IMO.

You have to live with this afterward, work with the guy, etc. You being in a managerial possision makes it impossible for you to discuss this with anyone "below" you, and he can badmouth you to his coworkers, make you look absolutely ridiculous and there is nothing you can do about it. If you live in a somewhat small community (rulal, small-town, college-campus) this can bite you in the ass in more ways than one.

I would talk to him, preferably at the start of a shift so that there is no "bad blood" of the day, and tell him that you have given it a bit of thought and you don´t like what he´s doing and you want it to stop. I would focus on you being aware that he probably doesn´t mean any harm or knows that it is causing you grief, but really, you would just like for it to stop as it is giving you nightmares etc.
Chances are that he doesn´t know that it is creeping you out - he´s just teasing you and getting a response = fun day at work. I don´t see anything sinister here, honestly.

Good luck :)

[bte]

...I agree with the poster who wrote that situation does not need to be escalated.....

I don't know if you meant me.

I do think this needs escalating in terms of effective action asap, but not by threatening him back in a way which could escalate the degree of potential violence.

[minkstole]

^^ I did mean you.
I know (hope!) some people are posting in affect when they write about pulling out hairpins as weapons or threathning to cut him with a razor. If the OP actually took that advice and pulled a stunt like that, she would be in l more trouble than what he will ever be, since what he is doing will most likely be viewed as something done in jest.

The subject on this thread is brought up every now and again, and everytime there are loads of people screaming bloody murder.
This time, someone is insinuating (that´s what I´m getting from the post) some type of sexualassault :that if the dude is doing this to the manager, what is he doing to his female coworkers?
Annoying as it is, this could be awkward juvenile flirting, for all we know. I don´t think we should jump to conlusions here.

[Sarahmoon]

Come up to him with with scissors, grab a piece of his clothes and act like you're going to cut a hole in it. And act all offended when he says it's not funny. Maybe he'll get the point.

What an idiot.

[jera]

Though everyone's opinions on this issue are interesting, I wouldn't play this guy's game by sneaking up on him with scissors etc. nor would I try to get him fired. His behaviour is not normal. I'd consult a lawyer and let him/her speak for me. ;)

[akurah]

I will go against the grain here, and NOT advocate writing him up/contacting the police/going all karate on his ass. I agree with the poster who wrote that situation does not need to be escalated.

It´s easy being an internet tough-guy or girl, but real life´s a little different IMO.

You have to live with this afterward, work with the guy, etc. You being in a managerial possision makes it impossible for you to discuss this with anyone "below" you, and he can badmouth you to his coworkers, make you look absolutely ridiculous and there is nothing you can do about it. If you live in a somewhat small community (rulal, small-town, college-campus) this can bite you in the ass in more ways than one.

I would talk to him, preferably at the start of a shift so that there is no "bad blood" of the day, and tell him that you have given it a bit of thought and you don´t like what he´s doing and you want it to stop. I would focus on you being aware that he probably doesn´t mean any harm or knows that it is causing you grief, but really, you would just like for it to stop as it is giving you nightmares etc.
Chances are that he doesn´t know that it is creeping you out - he´s just teasing you and getting a response = fun day at work. I don´t see anything sinister here, honestly.

Good luck :)

You're right in that this shouldn't be escalated violently in any way, be it return threats in way of threatening to cut him or verbal threats.

You are VERY wrong in that it shouldn't be escalated in firing him or in reporting him to authorities. As the manager, she is responsible for making sure his behavior is in line with company policies and local law when he's at work, as he represents the restaurant when at work, and if he's not upholding his end it is her responsibility and obligation to FIRE him. If he's harrassing her, it's quite possible he's harrassing others. And if a customer witnesses such horsing around? It looks BAD and coorporate for her restaurant (or the owners, if its not coorporated) will hear about it at some point, and it could cost the OP HER job for not nipping his behavior in the bud.

The social repercussions of firing him (regardless of the size of her hometown) are peanuts compared to the mammoth elephant of a problem she risks by not making sure this situation is dealt with decisively.

Ideally, all she has to do is write him up once and he knocks it off and that's the end of it. But it may not be that easy, and the OP needs to be aware of that. And the LAST thing she needs to be encouraged to do is to not do anything binding and documented, as you seem to be advocating.

[minkstole]

Akurah - dealing with this decisively, as you put it,means different things to different people, and the OP needs to do things in a way that she is comfortable with.

If someone (the OP) has difficulty asserting herself in a casual way and get heard, how will she be comfortable doing it when the stakes are higher (ie writeups, police-calling, physically harming him)?
In all honesty, if I were the higherup getting a complaint like this, I would file the paperwork, sure. On inside I would be laughing and rolling my eyes at the same time because adults should be able to work things like this out amongst themselves - hence my suggestion about having a conversation with the guy.
Maybe this can be solved amicably with out anyone losing face or hair? ;)

[lapushka]

I would talk to him, preferably at the start of a shift so that there is no "bad blood" of the day, and tell him that you have given it a bit of thought and you don´t like what he´s doing and you want it to stop. I would focus on you being aware that he probably doesn´t mean any harm or knows that it is causing you grief, but really, you would just like for it to stop as it is giving you nightmares etc.
Chances are that he doesn´t know that it is creeping you out - he´s just teasing you and getting a response = fun day at work. I don´t see anything sinister here, honestly.

Let's not forget he wanted to really use the razor/scissors, he expressed it in words, and he was ready to strike with the tools behind her back. If *you* can call this kind of behavior "teasing" and "fun", it's an enormous stretch for me. What if he had lashed out with the razor and she had turned her head at that moment? What if she had stumbled? That's how "accidents" happen. I don't think that this can be at all tolerated, not for reasons of civility nor for reasons of personal safety or even workfloor safety! I think that talking to him as if it were actually funny what he did is not a good idea at all! If he has permission to do this (not firmly laying down the law *is* giving him permission), then so does every other employee. Imagine if every employee were to get away with handling company property (razor/scissors) like this on other people, wielding whatever like a weapon?

And that's also why measures should be taken!

[minkstole]

The OP wrote
"A coworker keeps coming up behind me grabbing my ponytail and takes either scissors or a razor and puts it up to my ponytail acting like he is going to cut it off!!! He keeps saying come it will be fun, or just alittle bit. It's really pissing me off!!!
I keep telling him to stop, he thinks it's funny."

What I get from this post, is a guy who thinks he´s being funny when really he isn´t. The OP has a problem asserting herself in the situation, which is why I suggested talking to him at another time.
I didn´t imply that she should tell him he was funny, I said that she could say something along the lines of knowing that he thought it was funny but that it´s bothering her and giving her nightmares - there´s a difference.

As it is laid out by the OP i the part I quoted, I do not see anything that warrants cutting the dude with a razor, calling the cops, getting a lawyer,etc. and I stand by this assesment.

[EllisGurl]

As the manager, she is responsible for making sure his behavior is in line with company policies and local law when he's at work, as he represents the restaurant when at work, and if he's not upholding his end it is her responsibility and obligation to FIRE him. If he's harassing her, it's quite possible he's harassing others. And if a customer witnesses such horsing around? It looks BAD and coorporate for her restaurant (or the owners, if its not coorporated) will hear about it at some point, and it could cost the OP HER job for not nipping his behavior in the bud.

The social repercussions of firing him (regardless of the size of her hometown) are peanuts compared to the mammoth elephant of a problem she risks by not making sure this situation is dealt with decisively.

Ideally, all she has to do is write him up once and he knocks it off and that's the end of it. But it may not be that easy, and the OP needs to be aware of that. And the LAST thing she needs to be encouraged to do is to not do anything binding and documented, as you seem to be advocating.

I'm not sure she needs to write him up first. Assault is defined as any unwelcome touching or action which puts the recipient in fear of harm. This means he doesn’t even her to touch her to commit assault. I believe she said that she's told him that. If he continues to commit a crime on company time, she should need no other reason to fire him. I also would be concerned that if she lets him know that she is in the process of firing him by writing him up, the situation might escalate.

I would talk to your HR department and find out what it will take to fire him. There are some states that are “no-fault” states which means that you don’t have to have a reason to fire someone. I know, I live in one of those states.

I hope you can resolve this the simplest, quickest way possible!! ((hugs))

[lapushka]

(...) and I stand by this assesment.

I stand by mine. It is company time, not playtime. If anyone wants to be a clown, be it on their own time. The risks involved in this idiotic, unthoughtful behavior are immense. If the OP is a person in charge, it would be best to take this serious, rather than laugh it up and saying, "Oh the poor guy, he just wanted to be funny." And she does take it very seriously, or she wouldn't be that upset.

I just cannot see, how you can have the views on it that you have. I don't take coming up to a person with a razor lightly, or wouldn't be willing to even contemplate thinking he only meant it in jest. This is no joking matter!

[minkstole]

Lapushka - you and I don´t have to agree on this, but you could atleast quote me in full so the meaning of what I wrote isn´t distorted.

I wrote: "I do not see anything that warrants cutting the dude with a razor, calling the cops, getting a lawyer,etc. and I stand by this assesment."

I didn´t state that she should laugh it up - I don´t know where you got that from.

I did however suggest that she talks to him about it at another time. I believe converversation comes before any of the other options outlined in this thread.

I don´t understand the companytime vs playtime thing. Are you implying that it would be alright had he done it in his sparetime?

[tazruby]

thats harassment, i would def tell the managers or let him know that if he does not stop that will will go to the managers. In the mean time i would wear my hair in a tight bun so it would be harder for him to grab it.

[akurah]

Lapushka - you and I don´t have to agree on this, but you could atleast quote me in full so the meaning of what I wrote isn´t distorted.

I wrote: "I do not see anything that warrants cutting the dude with a razor, calling the cops, getting a lawyer,etc. and I stand by this assesment."

I didn´t state that she should laugh it up - I don´t know where you got that from.

I did however suggest that she talks to him about it at another time. I believe converversation comes before any of the other options outlined in this thread.

I don´t understand the companytime vs playtime thing. Are you implying that it would be alright had he done it in his sparetime?

Certain behavior is simply unacceptable, regardless of the situation. For instance, if a coworker decided to abitrarily grab my breast? I can't think of many places that wouldn't fire him on the spot.

Or what if he slipped, the razor or scissors went into the OP's body/skull/eyes, either blinding or even killing her? Believe it or not, regardless of his intent, he would be charged with manslaughter for killing her, even though he was joking around, horsing around, and meant no harm.

What I can't grasp is how you fail to grasp the seriousness of this situation and you're dismissing it pretty lightly compared to how it should be. Based on previous posts, it sounds like the OP has already talked to him (like you keep suggesting), and there really is no point in talking to him again about it, it's tried, it failed, and it needs to go to the next step, which is either writing him up or firing him outright.

[suicides_eve]

i would be opening a can of whoop ass on him. If some one came at me with anything sharp, in anyway i find not funny i'd take that as a threat towards my life.

I know you can't just beat the crap outta some one but if it's been documented and reported and nothing has rectified the situation or management didn't care- then:boxer::boxer::boxer: but thats just me

[minkstole]

The guy is not grabbing her breast, nor is he stabbing her in the eye, or any of the other things mentioned. The OP stated that she doesn´t like it and he thinks it´s fun. I suggest talking to him first (as in a sit-down conversation before it happens the next time) before all the other stuff mentioned.
If it was all so cut and dry as you make it out to be, the OP would have sorted this out long ago.

[harpgal]

akurah and minkstole, these words are for you guys. If you begin to have very differing opinions on this matter, please spare the rest of us and resort to our PM system. Spewing out your opinions and fighting in front of the rest of us is not pleasant and I would hope that you would remain civil in public. Thank you!

[Lara1]

Chances are that he doesn´t know that it is creeping you out - he´s just teasing you and getting a response = fun day at work. I don´t see anything sinister here, honestly.


The guy is not grabbing her breast, nor is he stabbing her in the eye, or any of the other things mentioned. The OP stated that she doesn´t like it and he thinks it´s fun. I suggest talking to him first (as in a sit-down conversation before it happens the next time) before all the other stuff mentioned.
If it was all so cut and dry as you make it out to be, the OP would have sorted this out long ago.

Are you suggesting she should wait untill something even more extream happened before she report him?
I can't believe that you don't think that what he already done to DreamingLong is terrible! You mentioned in one of your posts that if you were her higher up you would laughed and roll your eyes at the situation... I can't believe that someone would find this situation funny.
She already told him that she doesn't like what he is doing, but he continue. I don't think DreamingLong should talk to the guy. I think she should inform the upper management and document everything he has done to her. In case it doesn't stop I would call police and report him. As previous members said he is dangerous and has to be stopped.

[minkstole]

Lara1 - I wrote that I would file the paperwork but on the inside I would laugh and roll my eyes, because think this is something adults work out between themselves. There is a difference.

However, I will not post anymore in this thread.
I think of this as a discussion not a spewing contest or a fight, but the mod thinks differently and so be it.

[Tap Dancer]

Or what if he slipped, the razor or scissors went into the OP's body/skull/eyes, either blinding or even killing her? Believe it or not, regardless of his intent, he would be charged with manslaughter for killing her, even though he was joking around, horsing around, and meant no harm.

That's a thought I always have when someone is goofing around with scissors. You don't tell a child, "Don't run with scissors" for no reason. An accident can happen in the blink of an eye.

The person who said that it's company time and not play time is 100% correct. He made his little "joke" and now it's time for him to move on. He should behave like an adult when he's at his job. I joke around with my managers sometimes, but I know when it's okay and I keep things light-hearted. I don't do it in front of customers, nor do I act like a psycho.

I think it's time to write him up.

[harpgal]

However, I will not post anymore in this thread.Wise choice, minkstole.
I think of this as a discussion not a spewing contest or a fight, but the mod thinks differently and so be it.Yes, you are right, I do think differently.

[shwankie]

I think it's important to note that this is the way many, many cases of harassment and sexual assault start, as I know first hand.

It would be wonderful if everyone were adults and respected one another, but as we see on the news nightly, this isn't the case.

In college, I had a man make similar remarks to me, 'Kidding" but not kidding. They were all pseudo-violent, as mentioned by the OP, but not anything that constituted a direct threat on my life. I told him to stop very firmly, but let them go. Finally, I told an RA (I was in college). The RA let them go, because it was just a "guy being a guy" (which I realize is insulting to polite men everywhere). Things escalated, and he ended up sexually assaulting me, in public. He grabbed me, pinned my arms to my chest (he was a HUGE football player), said a variety of awful things about what he'd like to do to me, and groped my breasts and genital area. All in the cafeteria.

Yes, he was arrested, and yes, it went to court and he was convicted (hard not to be, there was like 100 witnesses). I barely knew this man at all. We'd never talked, etc. I am very conservative, don't (and didn't) dress in a particularly provocative way. Not that either of those would be an excuse for him to have done it, but my point is that things like this happen all the time. They should be taken seriously, and it's very disconcerting to know that there are people who believe that women should just "work it out," when threatened.

I would urge the OP to take other suggestions here, and document the activities in any and every way possible. Write up a formal complaint to your superior, as well as talking with him/her, so you can prove that, as well. If that goes no where, I would also suggest you call the police. He has threatened you with violence, which is unacceptable. Living in a small town, your job, etc. are never good reasons to let someone terrorize you, or to put your health and safety at risk. I realize some people might consider this over the top, but having been there, I can only offer my perspective and hope that someone else may learn from my experience.

[Darkhorse1]

I think the issue here is that no employee--male or female, has the right to make threats--which is what this is. A threat. If it was a one-time thing, I'd ignore it, but this seems to be happenning regularily. Said person probably has no idea how upsetting that is. I mean, how would someone feel if it was a woman teasing a guy with long hair? Guy teasing a guy? The action is still the same--it's inappropriate and it's a threat.

Hopefully the OP knows the person well enough to know how to sit down and talk with him and explain to him what a threat is, and what harrassment is. It's inappropriate at the work place. Period. Hair, arm, jewelry, breasts. Male/female, it's not appreciated. Especially since OP has said it in the past, it needs to be addressed. Period. No anger, no rage. Just simple fact.

Good luck to the OP--let us know how it works out. :)

[ReddishRocks]

Much love to the OP - I was once in a similar situation. It didn't involve my hair, but I was in a position of authority over a very large man/boy who liked to come up from behind me and loom over me.

I finally stood up from my chair, lowered my voice an octave, and told him to back off. I also informed him that if he chose to continue his behavior, I would take it to the police.

He laughed at me, called me "so pretty when you're angry", and left. I was so upset that I was shaking and crying at that point. That's when I realized, sadly, it was a gender thing.

I eventually enlisted the help of other male coworkers. I was never again alone with that employee. He chose to leave me alone after that, but sadly, there are some men/boys who won't take the message from a female. I am anything but shy or retiring in attitude, and even though I have had a decent amount of self-defense and training on how to carry myself with power, there are some things that even that can't overcome.

(I have since learned that his upbringing was not especially respectful toward women. Big surprise. :shake:)

[Darkhorse1]

RR--that's horrid!!! That's sexual harrasment--he was rude to say that comment--I would have been way less classy than you! I get my point across....and if he'd made that comment, I'd have said something a little less favorable, followed him to his desk and made a point for him to get the message.

Sadly, my life has been....well....let's just say I've been...I've had to stand up for myself at a young age and not let people see me as a object. I'm a person, and when I was young, I looked older. Now, I look younger. bottom line? I don't take crap. But, everyone is different.

I had a similar experience when I was 14 in regards to hair cutting threat. I was in art class, and my hair was butt length and really gorgeous--shiny etc. We were doing something that required scissors, and this girl who was sort of a friend--a very loud girl, lifted the scissors near my hair and said 'what would you do if I cut your hair?". Before I had the chance to say 'pummel you in the face', my art teacher came by and said 'she would have her parents sue your parents for all that they are worth, so don't even think about it'. This teacher was SO NICE and her tone...I'll never forget it. The class got really quiet (she let us chat as we worked as long as we weren't too loud), and the girl snorted an embarrsed laugh and said 'I was just kidding'. She wasn't very well liked...just an akward girl socially, but I think she learned a very solid lesson that day. I think the teacher also said 'your old enough to know better than that' as well.

It was nice to have someone speak up for me. Sadly, whenever I was around her in art class, I always wore my hair up and hid it in my shirt/sweater.

[Beloved]

So, OP, what are you going to do?

[intothemist1999]

You're the GM ? Give this "man" a pink slip.


I second that! Why wait? :confused:


If, for whatever reason you opt not to (can't imagine why not), next time he does it say, "stop touching me!!" in a loud, but firm,sane voice. Make sure others hear.

[intothemist1999]

I think you need to report him to whomever you report to, or to the police, immediately. Then either, (1) tell him you have had it, have reported him, and will fire him if he ever again touches you in any way



Just remember, talking to the police can be just about getting advice. In case you have reservations at the moment, think of it that way, not like you're bringing down the weight of the law on him (although I think he needs a good dose - if he's nervy enough or stupid enough or psycho enough to do this to his boss, other women are under threat!)

[ReddishRocks]

RR--that's horrid!!! That's sexual harrasment--he was rude to say that comment--I would have been way less classy than you! I get my point across....and if he'd made that comment, I'd have said something a little less favorable, followed him to his desk and made a point for him to get the message.

If my thoughts at that point could have become reality... some of his more delicate man parts would have combusted spontaniously. :mad:

I'm also wondering if some of my male coworkers actually "talked" to him. He really avoided me after all that. But you're right - absolutely sexual harrassment. Even though I was in the position of power from a business standpoint, he used his statute to threaten me.

Glad to hear you had a teacher stand up for you, and thanks for sharing the story. I'm a teacher now myself. :)

[Almandine]

ugh... if someone touched my hair without my consent, I would punch them.

not kidding. it's like a reflex for me, I actually punch people. which gets me always into buttloads of trouble (like guys twice my size punching back etc) but I can't help it.

I have the same problem.

When I was still in high school, back in 9th grade, I was sleeping after a test and felt someone grab ahold of my braid. I sat up, whirled around and planted my fist directly into the more vulnerable parts of a classmate, who had been standing there with my hair in one hand and a pair of scissors in the other. I'm lucky I reacted so quickly or I think he would absolutely have done it. I've had people threaten me with that before, but nobody's ever come so close like he did. My first reaction when anybody touches me, period, is to hit them - but touching my hair is a step above.

That said, I sympathize with your problem, DreamingLong. And you HAVE to stop this, now, before he really takes action against your hair. People do not take others into consideration, and they don't care about your feelings; I dobut it will be much longer before something bad happens. You have to take control and defend yourself. He has no right.

[Bene]

i think this is the sort of situation that can be handled in a private (so as to not embarrass anyone) conversation. quietly pull him aside and tell him that what he does is inappropriate, tell him that games are games, but you feel his particular jokes a threat against your person. most of the time, the person on the other end will be too ashamed or embarrassed to do it again. mention that you'll report him the next time he does it.


taking it to the point of hysteria will only make it worse. also, you don't want the reputation with fellow employees to be marred. you don't want to be that chick who "gets crazy over little things", but dealing with it in a quiet and serious conversation will let him know that you are not kidding.

[Darkhorse1]

RR--so am I ;) A teacher that is. :D I'm glad your male co-workers spoke to him because that's just SO inappropriate. You should never be reduced to tears by such rude actions. :( You handled yourself very well.

[Lara1]

Darkhorse1, I am so sad it happened to you. Good thing your teacher helped!

[Lara1]

Shwankie, your story just made my skin crawl. What a horrible man, if he can be called a man. At least he got what he deserved!

[DreamingLong]

I am soooooo stressed about this situation, I keep going back and forth on what I should do. I don't work with him agian until next Wednesday, right now I think I am going to talk to him and let him really know how I feel about it and what will happen if this continues. We shall see, i guess.

[Bene]

I am soooooo stressed about this situation, I keep going back and forth on what I should do. I don't work with him agian until next Wednesday, right now I think I am going to talk to him and let him really know how I feel about it and what will happen if this continues. We shall see, i guess.


i think that's the wisest course of action.


good luck! don't be stressed, it'll work out. :)


edit: my boyfriend says "after she does that, then anything after is fully justified in terms of steps she has to take"... he's rooting for you too :)

[AquaViolet1973]

A coworker keeps coming up behind me grabbing my ponytail and takes either scissors or a razor and puts it up to my ponytail acting like he is going to cut it off!!! He keeps saying come it will be fun, or just alittle bit. It's really pissing me off!!!
I keep telling him to stop, he thinks it's funny.


I would definately tell management. It is not funny in the least.

[danacc]

Others have suggested this, too--if your restaurant business has an HR department, talk with them. As the GM, you represent the company, and what this employee is doing is out of bounds. You need to let HR know what is going on. Discuss your plan of action with them.

(Note: I'm not saying "fire the guy"; you're closer to this than I am, and I'm sure you and your HR department have a good feel for company culture. But you do not need to handle this alone. Especially since there is a manager-employee relationship here, get their help and support on the best way forward.)

[Elenna]

I think it's important to note that this is the way many, many cases of harassment and sexual assault start, as I know first hand.
....
I would urge the OP to take other suggestions here, and document the activities in any and every way possible. Write up a formal complaint to your superior, as well as talking with him/her, so you can prove that, as well. If that goes no where, I would also suggest you call the police. He has threatened you with violence, which is unacceptable.
....
I realize some people might consider this over the top, but having been there, I can only offer my perspective and hope that someone else may learn from my experience.

I agreed with Shwankie. This is more of a police matter. Self defense starts with being aware of potential problems.

[Sissy]

If my thoughts at that point could have become reality... some of his more delicate man parts would have combusted spontaniously. :mad:

I'm also wondering if some of my male coworkers actually "talked" to him. He really avoided me after all that. But you're right - absolutely sexual harrassment. Even though I was in the position of power from a business standpoint, he used his statute to threaten me.

Glad to hear you had a teacher stand up for you, and thanks for sharing the story. I'm a teacher now myself. :)

I am a teacher as well.:)

[Pegasus Marsters]

Keep your hair in a bun or french twist.

Tell management. This behaviour will continue if you don't. It's harassment, he has no right to touch any part of your body.

[Hypnotica]

i think this is the sort of situation that can be handled in a private (so as to not embarrass anyone) conversation. quietly pull him aside and tell him that what he does is inappropriate, tell him that games are games, but you feel his particular jokes a threat against your person. most of the time, the person on the other end will be too ashamed or embarrassed to do it again. mention that you'll report him the next time he does it.


taking it to the point of hysteria will only make it worse. also, you don't want the reputation with fellow employees to be marred. you don't want to be that chick who "gets crazy over little things", but dealing with it in a quiet and serious conversation will let him know that you are not kidding.

I know what you are saying, Bene, I fully understand what you mean.

But it still enrage me that some people will see anyone as the "crazy person" just because they don't want to be touched.

[sapphire-o]

How old is this guy? I'd have a serious talk with him and clue him in. Tell him that kind of behavior is totally not acceptable for adults at workplace. He must have signed some sort of employment agreement? Remind him of that. Who knows? Maybe he's always teasing girls when he was little and never got into much trouble and thought he can get away with anything. Not everybody is bright enough to understand (or remember) actions and consequences, I usually try to help people understand and have another chance. If that just doesn't work, well there are probably lots of people out there without jobs who are way smarter than him.

[Bene]

I know what you are saying, Bene, I fully understand what you mean.

But it still enrage me that some people will see anyone as the "crazy person" just because they don't want to be touched.


it's not the doesn't want to be touched thing. i suppose it's how someone handles it. i HATE being touched by ppl who aren't close to me. i don't think it's crazy at all that the thread starter is creeped out by this guy. the guy is completely out of line.

but there's also how someone handles it. i'll generally pull away or step back from someone who invades my personal space. if i were to get all hysterical about it, then i can see how i'd be the "crazy person"


the thing is, in a work setting, the stakes are slightly higher. i'd want to maintain a professional attitude. reporting someone without talking to that person first, it feels like tattling to me. it just seems that speaking to that person like in an adult, in a private conversation, will usually take care of the situation (yes, i've been in situations where someone else's behavior felt like sexual harrassment to me). but that conversation is crucial. if the person is a complete d*ckhead who can't back off after that, then the appropriate step is to report.


i just feel that there are steps. a few serious words seem like the first step before having to take it to authority figures. if it can be handled before that, then everyone comes out with less problems. i'd note down the day and time of said conversation, and generally record what was said, in case i'd have to tell someone. that's just common sense.

[Stubborn]

Wow, very weird to do something like that... people nowadays. What happened to personal space?

Whatever you keep an eye out, he might try to snip it without you noticing... not trying to make you paranoid or anything.

[DreamingLong]

So again he came up behind me grabbed my hair and said can I cut it, with a big smile on his face. I really think he enjoys this! After I said no, he said you are just delaying it, it's gonna get cut sooner or later. I said not if you want to keep your job! Do you want to keep your job? Then keep your hands off my hair. He didn't touch my hair the rest of the week. So I guess we will see what happens this week.

[Kittee]

So again he came up behind me grabbed my hair and said can I cut it, with a big smile on his face. I really think he enjoys this! After I said no, he said you are just delaying it, it's gonna get cut sooner or later. I said not if you want to keep your job! Do you want to keep your job? Then keep your hands off my hair. He didn't touch my hair the rest of the week. So I guess we will see what happens this week.

I am really concerned for you.

Did you not write him up as we all suggested? If you don't do this and document it thoroughly, you will have no recourse if something really does happen.
:confused:

[Loviatar]

Do you have a warning process? If you are unwilling to fire him on the spot, perhaps you could write him a final warning or similar to be placed on his record. Persistent abusive behaviour should be a reason for termination of employment, though.

However I would still call the police. The words "it's gonna get cut sooner or later" are a THREAT, pure and simple. He does not deserve the privilege of working with other people if he is going to treat them like this.

[wintersun99]

So again he came up behind me grabbed my hair and said can I cut it, with a big smile on his face. I really think he enjoys this! After I said no, he said you are just delaying it, it's gonna get cut sooner or later. I said not if you want to keep your job! Do you want to keep your job? Then keep your hands off my hair. He didn't touch my hair the rest of the week. So I guess we will see what happens this week.

I thought that you decided that the next time he does this (this time) you would discuss with him that he is now on a verbal warning and the next time he is written up and his job may be terminated? It doesn't sound as if you have spelled it out directly to him - he needs this and so do you. I'm sorry to be indelicate, but at some point you cease to be a "victim"... you really need to control this situation (it's your person and you are the GM)... both cases make you responsible to act authoritatively and distinctly.

[Darkhorse1]

That's dreadful! I'm glad you finally told him that if his job is now on the line. I think you need to take him aside and address it though. It doesn't seem to be going away.

You can also print off a bunch of legal information about threats and assault. He's made enough of these inuendos that goes beyond a joke. It's not funny anymore. Period.

Good luck to you!!! ((hugs))).

[Darkhorse1]

Just want to add to the OP--is there a good friend of yours you work with? I would take them with you to confront this person, as well as ask your manager to be present.

I know confrontation is scary, but this problem is not going to go away until you address it. This guy is showing classic signs of harrassment. They actually enjoy making YOu question YOURSELF. This is wrong. You have this whole thread as proof.
Don't be afraid to take action. NOW.

Please keep us posted.

[Boudicca]

Frankly, he sounds completely unprofessional and unsuitable for any job. The fact that it is your hair he is threatening is almost irrelevant - he has been completely unprofessional, erratic and overly familiar. The fact he has touched you at all is completely unacceptable. I'd also be concerned as to how he is potentially behaving towards other employees.

Personally, I'd sack him. I hope you've noted down all incidents of unprofessional behaviour, and, as I said, I'd check how he has been behaving towards other members of staff. If you're concerned that people might think you're overreacting because it's 'just hair' (not my opinion, but I know what people can be like), then don't even mention your hair - just describe his general behaviour as aggressive, unprofessional, inappropriate and erratic.

[nimeera]

So again he came up behind me grabbed my hair and said can I cut it, with a big smile on his face. I really think he enjoys this! After I said no, he said you are just delaying it, it's gonna get cut sooner or later. I said not if you want to keep your job! Do you want to keep your job? Then keep your hands off my hair. He didn't touch my hair the rest of the week. So I guess we will see what happens this week.

Well, I have worked in a restaurant environment as a cook and as a manger, a long long time ago. Currently I am in and out of restaurants a lot as hired entertainment and get to see much more of the inner workings than a customer would. I have also had training and experience both as a manager and as a business owner. My husband has been in law enforcement for many many years, and is now a manager of several police squads.

Here are the facts you presented as I understand them:

1. This coworker/subordinant has on numerous occasions threatened you with a sharp instrument (ie: a weapon), under the guise of humor. Who cares whether the threat was to cut your hair or cut your body. The threat was there. In addition, the threat is sometimes made by coming up behind your back before you have a chance to see it coming. This person grabs you by the hair and threatens you with the weapon. Legally, he has threatened you with a weapon. I hope that sounds scary to you because it is.

2. You have asked this person on numerous occasions to stop this behavior. Never mind whether you asked shyly, politely, strongly, or whatver. The fact is that you said no, and please stop.

3. On this latest attempt, when you said no, he actually laughed in your face and said that sooner or later it would be cut. The implied threat is that sooner or later he would cut you (or your hair, does it really matter which?)

Based on my background and on the facts you presented, I would make the following recommendations:

1. You have already asked this person to stop, and he laughed in your face. No further warning is required. You do NOT have to tell him that you intend to take action. In fact, by threatening to fire him, you have already given him all the warning he needs. (And really, should he have pushed it even that far?!?)

2. Document the facts. Sit down and write down dates and times that each incident occured as best you can remember. Document the events leading up to them as well. Document any witnesses to these events. If you can't remember specific dates or times, don't worry. Document what you can, a general frequency, and then continue to document further events (including any other quirky things this person does). Keep a copy of this documentation where this person cannot access it.

3. Discuss these events with your supervisor. Be prepared to show your documention. Calmly insist that something be done. Your supervisor can bring this person in for a conference between the three of you. Or you can recommend this person's dismissal from employment. The goal is to ensure that your supervisor is aware of the situation, is taking it for the serious threat that it is, and is taking some sort of action to ensure safety in the workplace. Remember, it is bad enough that your safety is threatened. But it is also reasonable to expect that you may not be the only person that has received threats.

4. File a police report. You do not need to warn the person that you are doing this. You do not need to ask permission of your supervisor to do this. You can notify your supervisor, but do it anyway. If anything really goes wrong, having this official document on record will help back up any claims that you need to make in the future.

5. Check with a lawyer. Make sure you know your rights. Make sure you are documenting everything you should. Make sure you know how to protect yourself if he tries to sue you for wrongful termination.

6. You may choose to wear your hair up. However, you should feel safe to wear your hair anyway you wish so long as it does not cause safety or sanitation issues in your workplace. In fact, I would purposely wear my hair down just so I could document more incidents and gather more witnesses. I would be HAPPY if he really did cut my hair because then I could sue him for following through on his threat. I know it sounds strange, but I would be more concerned that if I removed the temptation to cut my hair, then he might be tempted to do something else.

These are my two cents. Take care, and be safe.

Oh, I hope you don't mind if I share this story with my hubby. He might have a few ideas as well, in the interests of your safety.

[Girltron]

I'd just like to remind you that aside from being unprofessional, this guy could be a genuinely dangerous person off the job. Does he know where you live?

Please consider some basic precautions like walking home or to your car with one or two people, calling a friend when you're home and AFTER you've given your house a quick look to make sure there's nobody in there. All thinks you should do anyway.

Also think about learning some basic self-defense methods. If you can carry a knife legally (pay attention to blade length/switchblade laws) do so. And the best place to punch any person is right in the throat, as hard as you can.

I have a permit and carry a gun because I used to work in a restaurant. You meet all sorts in that business. And longhairs attract attention from nut jobs, no doubt about it.

[BranwenWolf]

I'm really sorry you're going through this. I was harassed and groped by co-workers and the manager in a restuarant and I hate myself for not standing up to them or quitting.

If you are in a position above this... human (I think) please consider terminating his job. He has threatened his supervisor and ignored repeated warnings. There is no reason to keep paying this person or using his "work abilities".

Also, because I've been there, please talk with the other workers and see if he's bothering them.

[nimeera]

Oh, BTW: Document all the facts, file the police report, and notify your supervisor IMMEDIATELY. As in RIGHT AWAY. Don't wait to see if he does it again, or if he has really gotten the message and stopped. You need to do some CYA right now. That way if something happens a day from now, or a week, a month, or a year from now, you will have PROOF that it has happened before.

My sister has been the subject of harrasment and discrimination in workplace. The first series of events occured at the time leading up to her performance evaluation last year, and were used as an excuse to give her a lesser evaluation (and therefore, no bonus or raise). Then after evaluation time, suddenly it all went away. She had talked to HR about it, but did not file any documentation or take any action. After all, the situation was resolved, right?

Well, it is evaluation time again, and guess what is happening? Unfortunately since she did not create any documentation the first time, she cannot prove any history. So now her issue is not getting the attention it deserves. After all, it is a "first offense".

[nimeera]

One more, from my husband in law enforcement:

"The minute he places his hands on the hair he has committed a sexual battery on the girl. This is in 45 of the 50 states. In all states he has committed assault. Defined as the unwanted touching of your person."

[Amara]

I thought that you decided that the next time he does this (this time) you would discuss with him that he is now on a verbal warning and the next time he is written up and his job may be terminated? It doesn't sound as if you have spelled it out directly to him - he needs this and so do you. I'm sorry to be indelicate, but at some point you cease to be a "victim"... you really need to control this situation (it's your person and you are the GM)... both cases make you responsible to act authoritatively and distinctly.

I agree with this completely. PLEASE do something to end this.

[Darkhorse1]

I hope the OP is reading this and feels confident to do these things. I do believe this person has crossed a line that needs to be addressed.

[wintersun99]

One more, from my husband in law enforcement:

"The minute he places his hands on the hair he has committed a sexual battery on the girl. This is in 45 of the 50 states. In all states he has committed assault. Defined as the unwanted touching of your person."

Thanks for posting this - it is very nice to have this confirmed by an "official" even though I tended to believe it was the case.

[heidi w.]

THIS IS A PROBLEM BEST HANDLED BY MANAGEMENT, PARTICULARLY H.R. A higher authority than yourself needs to intervene and instruct him on the rules of conduct in the workplace. At minimum, this is harassing, and at this juncture bordering on a threat of violence. It is not YET assault. Assault is if he actually did it.

NEVER, EVER threaten in kind! (in the workplace, or elsewhere for that matter).

Keep your cool, walk into your boss' office, and state that you are being bothered by this employee and his statements to cut off your hair. Make it VERY CLEAR that he is touching you, and picking up your hair and making slicing motions. Be very specific. Further, make it supremely CLEAR that you have directly asked him to stop (cease), and he has not.

Start keeping track of dates/times of his actions.

They'll get on it.

You've informed him to stop several times, and he isn't. So let management step in.

heidi w.

[nimeera]

A higher authority than yourself needs to intervene and instruct him on the rules of conduct in the workplace. At minimum, this is harassing, and at this juncture bordering on a threat of violence. It is not YET assault. Assault is if he actually did it.

Actually since she is in the US, it is already assault. She does not have to wait for him to cut her hair. He has already touched her in ways that she did not want to be touched. In fact, he more than touched her. He grabbed her and threatened her with a knife. She has every right to go directly to the police. At a minimum she should file a police report.

I know that Wikipedia is not real legal advice, but this is great food for thought: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Assault In this case, it could be considered simple assault (any physical contact with another person without their consent) or aggravated assault (use of a deadly weapon). Admittedly the chance of it being called aggravated assault is less likely in this case, but it is interesting to note that it is possible. Assault in the US can also include the threat of violence without ANY physical contact. I think repeatedly brandishing a blade counts as a threat of violence.

In ADDITION, she should notify her supervisor and HR (if they have a separate HR department). But this notification should not take the place of the police report. After all, it is ultimately her responsibility to protect herself, not hope that her supervisor will do it for her.

I know it can be difficult to do anything that might make you look bad, or rock the workplace. However, it is so very important to protect yourself from the (hopefully few!) crazy people you encounter in the world. Not everything will escalate into a nasty situation. And if you take early decisive action, it is much less likely to. But I know that in the same situation I would much rather file the police report, notify my supervisor, fire the creep, and later wonder if I over-reacted than to wait until the situation has escalated and wonder if I could have done something to prevent it. Too bad we can’t have 20:20 hindsight BEFORE things happen!

It is important to be strong enough to take care of ourselves. Because if we don't, no one else will.

[heidi w.]

I didn't read the ENTIRE thread. Is someone here saying this bloke actually brandished a knife in the workplace in a threatening manner?

GO IMMEDIATELY TO THE SUPERVISOR AND FILE A POLICE REPORT IMMEDIATELY.

DO NOT HESITATE A FURTHER NANOSECOND!

TAKE ACTION NOW

heidi w.

[akurah]

Heidi-- the OP is the general manager of her store.

[nimeera]

Yeah, she said that he threatened her both with a box cutter and with scissors, on numerous occasions. A box cutter is nothing but a shorter knife with a longer handle. I know that some industrial box cutters are very vicious scary blades!

It is bad enough that it happened once. But to do it repeatedly, even when she told him not to, is unacceptable and very very scary. He has actually even grabbed her hair while threatening.

The last time she told him to stop, he laughed and said that sooner or later her hair would be cut (presumably by him?). The question is, do you honestly 100% know that he would stop with cutting her hair? And so far the threats have only happened in the workplace. Will they stay there?

Sorry if I am making this sound TOO scary. But the fact is that we have a tendency to downplay issues until we take no action at all. We are trained to not make a fuss and just let things go. But there is a difference between a simple one time joke and a repeated threat. And there is nothing wrong with taking precautionary action to protect yourself.

My husband has developed a workshop series based on his experience both as a police officer and as a supervisor and trainer of other police officers. This workshop series is called "Safety Awareness" and is geared mostly for bellydancers, but the ideas apply to people in all situations. The first goal is to recognize a dangerous situation, because it is by recognizing and acknowledging the danger that we best protect ourselves from a majority of situations. It is so easy to say "oh it is nothing", and 99% of the time you may be right. But what about that 1%? It takes almost no effort to just recognize the danger and prevent it from escalating. And that little bit of effort can really pay off!

[heidi w.]

Next time I'll take more care to read all 13 pages.

UGH! THE MANAGER.

Very difficult pickle because then upper management is offsite.

She may have a legitimate claim for firing this toad. Maybe. If not, it's time to build one. Very hard to do.

heidi w.

[Redheaded Raven]

I have dealt with this at work. It sucks. One of the best things about wearing my hair in a scarf due to allergies to stuff at work, is that this no longer happens....
But now everyone thinks that my mom and I have joined a new religion lol
And we get hassled because of that. Not so funny:confused: hmmmm people are strange, they don't like others to be different.

Please stand up to this guy.

We just had a person fired because of abusive behavior at work. It can be scary but necessary.
PEOPLE CAN KILL! Just because they have real or imagined problems at work. It happens.

Don't let it happen to you.

He has already crossed a line you shouldn't allow, what line will he not respect next?

[Alun]

I am not a lawyer, but...

In any common law country (e.g. US, England, Canada, etc.) the threat to cut your hair is by itself a common law offence of assault, and if actual touching is involved it becomes assault and battery. The torts (things to sue for) are usually still based on the common law, but the corresponding criminal offences are usually modified by statutes passed by government, so for example in most US states the criminal offence is assault in either case, not assault and battery. And this just covers what he has already done...

However, most employers get very unhappy if you sue your co-workers or get them jailed. They think you should go through internal procedures first. You really don't have to, but it's wise to do this not only to keep the bosses happy, but also to avoid a situation where you might still have to work with someone you have forced to pay you damages or forced to spend time locked up!

In England, you have to give someone three written warnings before you can get rid of them. This is not true in the US, but it is a matter of state law in each state. In some states you can even fire someone at will, but it's wise to know what is required in your state. You should be able to find that out from the state employment bureaucrats without consulting a lawyer.

Whatever is or isn't required before firing someone, you will always need written records anyway, unless the employee does something extreme like murders someone or burns the place down, etc. Otherwise it may all backfire in court. You have given verbal warnings. If he won't stop, the next step is to ratchet up to written warnings, and always make copies of any warning letter you give him.

I seem to sense that you don't have the power to fire him as the GM, which is surprising, but if it's a privately owned restaurant it would make sense that you have to talk to the owner. Whoever is next up the chain, point out to them that he is affecting your concentration and that waving sharp objects is a safety issue, nothing to do with law, but to bring it home to them that they also have a problem with this guy, which they do.

You said he stopped when it was pointed out he could lose his job. Maybe you'll be lucky and that will be enough.

[DreamingLong]

I have everything documented. I just would really like to see if I can settle this myself. I had an incident of another employee sexually harrasing me about 7 months ago, at which time I did involve my supervisors and this employee was let go. Please don't yell at me for this decision but I don't want them to look down on me, like I am trying to start trouble over everything.

[Bene]

I have everything documented. I just would really like to see if I can settle this myself. I had an incident of another employee sexually harrasing me about 7 months ago, at which time I did involve my supervisors and this employee was let go. Please don't yell at me for this decision but I don't want them to look down on me, like I am trying to start trouble over everything.


totally understandable. best case right now is to wear your hair up and not give him any opportunity to be alone with you. document everything, make sure you tell ppl about it, so that they are aware of the situation. consider finding legitimate reasons to fire him/write him up. go to a local police precinct and speak to someone about your options and if this would be considered harassment (yeah, it is, but the laws have different standards)

[TessieAnn]

Oh, my! The ad at the top of the page here at LHC when I read the first page of this thread was Disposable Razors. The second ad for lawyers, the third for Safety Knives.

The ad generator at this site does bring up some ironic titles, that's for sure.

I haven't read all the pages. I do know that the company where my husband works takes this kind of threat, including any that could be viewed as sexual harassment, very seriously. There are also important considerations when firing someone--it must be done very carefully to avoid a wrongful discharge suit.

It can get scary very quickly when people make a threat and you can't tell how serious they are about carrying it out.

Good luck to the OP on handling this uncomfortable situation.

[EllisGurl]

I have everything documented. I just would really like to see if I can settle this myself. I had an incident of another employee sexually harrasing me about 7 months ago, at which time I did involve my supervisors and this employee was let go. Please don't yell at me for this decision but I don't want them to look down on me, like I am trying to start trouble over everything.

I completely understand too. Even though you're not, higher ups will start thinking you're the problem child. I have personally experienced this.

I hope you can get it worked out without involving them. But if you're the GM, don't you have the power to hire and fire and all the disciplinary action in between? Perhaps a "verbal warning." I'm talking a face to face with him in private, explain that not only do you not like his actions but they are, legally defined as assault. Tell him if they stop now, nothing more will be done but if they don't stop, you will write him up and if they still continue, he will be fired.

Maybe he is that dense and needs it to be drilled into his head. And perhaps he needs a reminder on who is in charge. Just to make sure he knows you mean business, write him up after the very next incident and fire him the one after that.

Obviously there is a reason he still works there. Maybe you should touch on his good points and tell him you don't want to lose him but..... That might help him feel less like a disciplined child.

Just my humble opinion.

[Tap Dancer]

I have everything documented. I just would really like to see if I can settle this myself. I had an incident of another employee sexually harrasing me about 7 months ago, at which time I did involve my supervisors and this employee was let go. Please don't yell at me for this decision but I don't want them to look down on me, like I am trying to start trouble over everything.

Hopefully, he's taking this seriously now that you warned him it could cost him his job. If you haven't written him up, please do so.

[Girltron]

I understand about not wanting to be a constant issue re: sexual harrassment with your employers. It sounds like you know when to report behavior, so just try to stick with your convictions on this.

I know from personal experience that it's way too easy to find yourself in a dangerous situation because you didn't say anything back when it was a simple matter...all because you didn't want to make trouble.

(Here's hoping the below never happens)

The first time he has you really cornered, what you'll be thinking to yourself is: "Nobody will believe me because I didn't report this when it was at an earlier stage, and now I'm paying for my decision". I've been exactly there. Please take care of your health and safety first and foremost. There are always other jobs, if worst comes to worst.

[intothemist1999]

If disbelief is an issue, ask them to install cameras.

[wintersun99]

I have everything documented. I just would really like to see if I can settle this myself. I had an incident of another employee sexually harrasing me about 7 months ago, at which time I did involve my supervisors and this employee was let go. Please don't yell at me for this decision but I don't want them to look down on me, like I am trying to start trouble over everything.

Oh, totally understandable that you would want to resolve it without involving others. I hope that because it's documented and he know's this, he will understand. Take care of yourself. :)

[Darkhorse1]

That's horrid you had a sexual harrasment situation 7 months ago! Would this person know that/have any knowledge? Harrasment is about power, and if this guy thinks he can get away with being this way....not gonna happen.

Has he done this to your hair infront of people? If you have witnesses, you can march straight into an office and explain your concern.

There is NOTHING wrong with you. And no one is yelling. We are just worried for you. (((hugs)))

[alkaliberry]

I have just sat and read all the pages of this thread..... wow! I am stunned at the behaviour of this guy! What a *****. He has not only touched you when you have repeatedly asked him not too, he has held a knife/scissors whilst doing it and then he threatens you!

After telling him to stop once he has repeated in continuing his behaviour. You have tried to be adult about this but he seems to not know the meaning of the word. I am not au fait with USA employment law so can't advise on that but I would go to your superior and get them involved. If he slipped or tripped whilst threatening you heaven knows what could happen?

I understand your reluctance to go higher up the management in case you are seen as someone who makes trouble, but if he is not listening to you he has to listen to someone. You have the right to work in a hassle free environment. I hope that this can be resolved for you.

[rchorr]

While I, too, understand not wanting to go to the "higher-ups" considering the press that violence in the workplace is getting, your H.R. Dept. would NOT want to deal with that! In the U.S., they HAVE to take it seriously ... ESPECIALLY since he has brandished the knife.

You DO NOT want him to "go off" (it's not just "going postal" anymore) on the restaraunt in general.

I know you don't want to make waves, but I REALLY think you "slap the water" ... make all the waves you can, BEFORE he decides to do something worse.

You need to take care of yourself. You also need to take care of all of your employees. Please, don't let this go.

RCHORR'

[lynlora]

From what I have read so far this guy is a nutcase who needs to be fired,PERIOD !!!!!!!

[Lara1]

I have everything documented. I just would really like to see if I can settle this myself. I had an incident of another employee sexually harrasing me about 7 months ago, at which time I did involve my supervisors and this employee was let go. Please don't yell at me for this decision but I don't want them to look down on me, like I am trying to start trouble over everything.

Oh, I understand that you want to try to solve this problem yourself. Does this guy knows about another employee sexually harrassing you 7 months ago? If so, he may think that you wouldn't report him because you reported someone else 7 months ago and may be that is why he doesn't stop harrasing you. I am very worry about you, because if this guy feels that you don't want to involve the higherups he may do something even worse to you.
Please, be careful. I still think you should call police if he continue harrasment.

[caribou55313]

This is pretty sick behavior on his part. If he is doing this to you after being told to stop, what is he doing to other women? I would report him for sure.

[movie zombie]

call the police. tell your superiors you have filed a report with the police. let the guy know you've filed a report with the police. any further touching will be met with an immediate call to the police reporting an assault.

personally, anyone that touches me without my permission gets slapped into the next century.

movie zombie

[physicschick]

I have everything documented. I just would really like to see if I can settle this myself. I had an incident of another employee sexually harrasing me about 7 months ago, at which time I did involve my supervisors and this employee was let go. Please don't yell at me for this decision but I don't want them to look down on me, like I am trying to start trouble over everything.

It sounds like you've made a decision for how to proceed, so I will go ahead and close the thread because it's served its purpose. Thank you to everyone who provided advice to the OP. Best of luck, and stay safe, okay? :flower: