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View Full Version : Loving/hating my greys



sneakybea
December 4th, 2008, 04:15 PM
Hello all. First off, I want to say that I have seen some beautiful silver, white, salt and pepper hair in my day (particularly among the ladies here), and when I'm older, I look forward to having elegant long silver and/or white hair. Particularly if I can keep my hair thick.
I'm more ambivalent about the graying of my hair now.
I have more gray than most of my friends, but a very youthful face and not any real wrinkles. Since my skin is oily, I apply sunscreen religiously, and my parents both look young for their age, my silver "elf-hairs" as I call them are the most obvious marker of my age. If I were making a pro/con list, that would go in the con column. However. . .
My gray hairs are silvery or a shimmery white in most light, maybe what I would imagine Mithril looking like (from Lord of the Rings---I've mentioned I'm a geek, right?); I actually find them pretty. Add one to the pro list. I'm also a winter, and we're supposed to grey rather becomingly, plus there's not a lot of difference between the silver shade and the ash blond highlights my hair would get from the sun. So the silver isn't that obvious, I don't think; another pro. But in some lights the silver becomes this really obvious stark white, like if you painted them, really wiry and unattractive; that would be a con.
I have no desire to start coloring my hair, and I'm not really looking for advice, but are there others here as ambivalent about the beginning of the silvering process? How do you cope?
P.S.: Most of my grays are in the front, in case you were wondering why you don't see them in my profile pic. You can see some interesting stripes in some of my updos, though.

teela1978
December 4th, 2008, 04:42 PM
I'm kind of in the same boat. I stopped dying my hair a couple of years ago and am wondering when all these grays started growing. I'm not planning to start dying again (it took long enough to grow out the dye in the first place), but I'm not too thrilled about them either.

susiemw
December 4th, 2008, 04:48 PM
for quite a while, my grey's were coming in a really ugly grey particularly mixed with my mousey browns (when I didn't color) so I colored for a long time.

My grey's finally started coming in a nice white instead of grey so I'm letting them grow out. I'm still not sure how I feel about them... I"m still in the skunk stripe stage so it'll take some time for me to know. Even if I end up coloring again, I think I'l leave some of the white that is up front by my face and just color the grey's in back. Who knows?

Susan

Teazel
December 4th, 2008, 05:20 PM
Oh, I've been through the whole spectrum, from hate to love.

I hated them at first. When the first ones came in (my late teens, I think) I plucked them out. They started to become noticable in my 30s, so I covered them with temporary dye. When that stopped working I made the choice to let my hair do what came naturally, though I wavered a lot between quite liking the silvers and just wanting to dash off to the salon and go through the cut'n'colour process.

Somewhere along the way I came to not only accept the grey, but love it. I think maybe all the compliments I receive here on LHC have helped :flowers: - so many people seem to genuinely like my hair colours. It's helped me to see it in a new light.

Speaking of light, I know what you mean about the magical mithril becoming dull, wiry white in some lights. Shady daylight's the worst offender, I think. I will just have to become a creature of the night. :wink:

sneakybea
December 4th, 2008, 05:27 PM
Teazel, you're one of the ladies I was thinking of when I mentioned elegant silvering hair! I also have a good friend who has nearly black hair with a lot of silver in it, and it looks gorgeous! But I'm one of those who thinks it looks good on everyone else but me!

teela1978
December 4th, 2008, 05:28 PM
On my better days I decide that going gray isn't a problem because I can make gray hair look sexy. On other days I get annoyed. I'm too young to have gray streaks.

spidermom
December 4th, 2008, 05:35 PM
I do have days when I long for the hair color of my youth, but seldom. My silvers are such a pretty color, thus easy to accept. I'm not as fond of the wirey white ones.

Kittee
December 4th, 2008, 05:36 PM
On my better days I decide that going gray isn't a problem because I can make gray hair look sexy. On other days I get annoyed. I'm too young to have gray streaks.

^^^^

Yep, I am starting to get a patch like "Rogue" from X-Men, I turn 30 in 20 something days.

I think it appeared over night.

Teazel
December 4th, 2008, 05:37 PM
Teazel, you're one of the ladies I was thinking of when I mentioned elegant silvering hair! I also have a good friend who has nearly black hair with a lot of silver in it, and it looks gorgeous! But I'm one of those who thinks it looks good on everyone else but me!

Aw, thank you. :o See, it still surprises me!

I know, we're our own worst critic. Well, stop it right now! :lol: I just looked at your hair albums; can't really see the grey, but your hair is so healthy and shiny and generally gorgeous, I'm sure the silver is beautiful, too. :D

QueenMadge
December 4th, 2008, 05:39 PM
I am a "Summer" according the the seasonal color system. I got my first silver/white hair at 24. I just recently hennaed my hair then henna/indigoed. I did it for a change and for conditioning. Now I am at a point where I don't think I'm going to do it again but I will have to deal with the two tone grow out. I will not give up length to get rid of color differences at this point. I did that before and that is why my hair is the length it is currently.....
My uncolored hair color is a med/light ash brown. My silvering hairs are pure white, mostly on the top/front sides...on the front sides I have "wings" at ear height....the rest is just getting more and more silver vs the ash brown. The back of my hair shows almost none of the silvers. I thought about it long and hard before I hennaed because I knew growing it out was going to be a consequence. I did like the increased contrast between my skin and hair when hennaed....I look younger than my already young looking 45. Most people guess me to be at minimum ten years younger than my actual age. I waffled back and forth though with my natural color and sometimes felt my silvers aged me and then other times felt they were beautiful...welcome to the world of a classic Libra.....having difficulty making up her mind.

So not much help for you as I am trying to decide a. henndigo again to maintain the increased strength and dark color or b. begin the growing out process as I know it will take over a year to grow out all of the colored bit I have now?


Perhaps if you are not sensitive to it you could use one of the truly wash out colors to see if you really like the color first? I know what my hair looks like colored so I knew I would be o.k. with the color before I did it......I also know what it is to grow out dyed hair so know I can get through that this time without resorting to cutting it off.

Margot

QueenMadge
December 4th, 2008, 05:42 PM
Sneakybea, I think your hair is a lovely color as is.....perhaps a new hair toy or hair style would be a better "change" than a color change? I know this is horrible coming from someone who has dyed her hair every color except black......but as one who has grown out my hair multiple time due to changing my mind:scissors:, I don't want you to regret anything permanent:(

sneakybea
December 4th, 2008, 06:50 PM
Sneakybea, I think your hair is a lovely color as is.....perhaps a new hair toy or hair style would be a better "change" than a color change? I know this is horrible coming from someone who has dyed her hair every color except black......but as one who has grown out my hair multiple time due to changing my mind:scissors:, I don't want you to regret anything permanent:(
Oh no, don't give me an excuse to get a new hair toy, LOL! I have been playing around with some hairstyle videos posted on Youtube, though! I might play around with hairsticks and my digital camera this evening, or maybe stop by the hair game thread.
I actually doubt I will color my hair because a. I'm lazy b. I'm cheap and c. I really only have two sets of towels, and can't afford to ruin one with hair dye. :D I've actually never permed, straightened, or colored my hair, and am more scared of doing so than I am of going gray. It's really more the fact of going gray than how the gray itself looks that disturbs me, though I've had ten years to get used to it! And that occasional glimpse in unflattering light. . .
Thanks for your kind words, and yours too, Teazel!

jojo
December 4th, 2008, 07:59 PM
I actually like my greys as they blend in well with my hair colour, like Spidermom I hate the wirey ones which are breeding at an alarming rate at the moment. I will never dye mine as I think it can look harsh on skin tone, as this gets lighter too.

Teazel I want my hair to get to your colour, I think your hair is a beautiful colour.

Paniscus
December 4th, 2008, 08:26 PM
I was in a love/hate relationship with my greys as well. What did I do? I used henna. Now, even though I'm OK with the henna glosses, I'm missing my grey streak. On the left side of my head, right at the temple, I had a pretty white streak that ran the entire length of my hair. IT was kind of cool, especially when I wore my hair down. THe other greys were just kind of blended in. Anyway, I miss my stripe :( Plus, my hair just doesn't seem the same now and I miss that too. Can't really explain it.

QueenMadge
December 4th, 2008, 09:27 PM
Paniscus, I am very excited to have found a hair stylist who is willing to do low lights with henna to blend the hennaed part with the greys so I can grow out the henna without the skunk stripe. y grey/silvers are on the top and sides of my head. I miss my silver wings that were developing on the sides:-). Maybe there is someone in your area who would be willing to try it as well. This particular salon owner says she is having her sister research henna because she has more customers asking for it to avoid chemical dyes.

Michou
December 4th, 2008, 09:32 PM
More love than hate now for my gray hairs, but I am lucky in that they are quite silvery. I do like the new texture (the grays are wirey) but I do not like the overall effect sometimes of the black and gray combined. A lot of my post-partum returnees seem to be coming in gray so I'd better get fully on board. ;)

Demetrue
December 4th, 2008, 10:01 PM
I just stopped coloring my silver/grays 2 weeks ago and am looking at a 1/4 inch corona coming in. I am definitely nervous about making the transition and having to deal with tri-tone hair with a drastic line of demarcation, but I'm also genuinely curious since I have not seen my natural color in 30 years. I started coloring my grays at age 18. Then my blonde hair started darkening, so I ended up coloring my whole head to a lighter blonde. Now I will have to face a line where the roots are very dark blonde, light brown in some areas, and snow white in others, while the hair below the roots is all light golden blonde. I'm going to call it my "raccoon phase". I figure if I just hate it after a few months, I can try something temporary over the gray, like a wash-in rinse that easily shampoos out.

Darkhorse1
December 4th, 2008, 10:28 PM
I don't mind my gray. I feel I've earned it. But, I do color it (get it colored). My theory is, I'd rather go gray than bald, so it seems that my body listened ;)

AutumnLeaves
December 5th, 2008, 06:17 AM
I'm not all that thrilled with my silvers either. I cut to virgin hair to get rid of all the old hair dye and I have no desire to jump on that merry-go-round of coloring again. But I look at my old dyed hair versus my natural colors and I wish I could make myself look that way again. My grays are aging, I think. But they are mine and I earned them so they will stay. No more dying for me.

burns_erin
December 5th, 2008, 08:00 AM
More hate than love here at the moment, especially when my 53 yo M-I-L brags about how she still does not have any grey hair and i have to admit mine started coming in when I was 16 or so. On the other hand it was kinda funny when she turned around and blamed it on DH, who tried to get out of it by saying he had ever seena grey hair on my head, not even once.

joyfulmom4
December 5th, 2008, 09:01 AM
From what you describe and your age and photo, I think we are probably pretty similar. I turned 40 in August and am told I look younger than my age. My hair is just beginning to go noticeably grey at the temples. I've had a smattering of greys since around age 30, but not enough for most people to even notice. I would just pluck them out if I found them (and it was never very many). Until this year. Now there are too many to pluck and they're noticeable at a glance.

I too, love the look of beautiful silver hair. And I love all the color variations I see in women who are allowing their hair to age naturally. But I still have a hard time adjusting to the change I see in myself. I keep thinking if it weren't for the grey, I'd look a lot younger.

But I do NOT want to color. I have never colored my hair and I spent years watching my mother color hers and always swore I would not do that. It looked like so much work and such a pain to keep up with. Lucky for me I didn't go grey before now. I don't know if I could have gone naturally grey if the process had begun ten years earlier.

My brother is just 18 months older than me and his hair is a mostly silver salt and pepper (very little dark left). It's amazing what a difference there is. He started in his 20's and was very noticeably grey by his early 30's. His hair is a gorgeous color now. And on a man, of course it's more socially acceptable, even desireable. But if mine had greyed like that, I'd probably be coloring too.

Instead, here I am. I'm glad I didn't grey earlier, but all the same, it makes the decision harder. Would I really want to start something like that at *this* age? I don't want to damage my hair and I really hate the idea of trying to keep up with covering greys. If I never start, there'll be no awkward grow-out period and no tough choice to change.

I know I am probably no help at all. I can't stop myself from questioning whether a color might be good. And I can't seem to accept my greys 100% like I'd like to.

But all the same, I know what the answer is for me. I'm going to let them go. Because as much as it may be a challenge to accept this change, I know I will hate coloring and I don't want to risk damage to my hair and I know I will eventually develop gorgeous variations of color like Teazel and some of the others on LHC.

Kerynna
December 5th, 2008, 09:07 AM
I am 44 and I have exactly two grey strands. I want to see how it looks when it gets more grey, but I will say that the two strands I have are coarse and wiry, unlike the rest of my hair (which is why they are so easy to spot and I know there aren't more). Others I know have told me that their grey hair is very different in texture than the rest of their hair, so for that reason, I have some trepidation about the increase of grey hairs in the coming years.

My mom always colored her hair so I don't know what her hair would have looked like if it were naturally gray. My maternal grandmother's hair was white and beautiful, so I hope I have inherited hers.

Xandergrammy
December 5th, 2008, 09:18 AM
I colored my hair for about 10 years. Shortly after I found this place, I decided to stop coloring and embrace my white/silver/grays. I seem to have hairs of every color, but like you, most of my white is around my face, so you really can't tell from the back unless I'm wearing an updo. You have to do what's best for you, but my guess is that you look lovely. I have many pictures in my blog and photo albums in case you wanted to take a peek. Of course, I am older than you, but I wish I'd never colored my hair in the first place. :flowers:

LutraLutra
December 5th, 2008, 10:40 AM
I think grey/silver/white hair looks wonderful. But embracing the fact that you're going grey is a big step. Eventually I think we all have to accept, and work with, the way we are. I've dyed my hair so much over the years, I just can't face going back to having to endlessly colouring my roots.

ole gray mare
December 5th, 2008, 11:13 AM
And on a man, of course it's more socially acceptable, even desireable.

Sorry, but I don't buy that, and neither should you.

I grew up with a mom, who had gorgeous silver hair, saying the same thing. "Gray hair on men looks distinguished, on women, it just looks OLD!" I cannot tell you how many times I heard her say that. Then she grabbed her bottle of Clairol, which, quite frankly ruined her beautiful hair. She did that for years before she finally quit the bottle.

All along, I just looked at my mom, who was a really beautiful woman, and her potentially gorgeous hair. I saw her for her real beauty. Not for some old cliche that has NO MERIT!

So this belief that it's not socially acceptable on women is pure and simple hogwash. We repeat it to ourselves, not realizing that we are indeed society. We determine what is socially acceptable.

And I happen to find myself and my hair, the way that it grows out of my head, incredibly socially acceptable.

Teazel
December 5th, 2008, 02:16 PM
:cheer: :applause Bravo, OGM! Well said! :applause :cheer:

The revolution starts here! :lol:

swanns
December 5th, 2008, 02:23 PM
Personally, I think grey hair looks gorgeous! I have yet to see a person whom grey hair does not suit :) I noticed I've started to get some gray hairs here and there about six months ago, and I love them to bits, even if I'm the only one who actually notices them (my friends do if I actually point them out in the right light, yes I am excited enough to do that :D ), and they're exactly that mithril-shade you described! What a nice description by the way, even if I'm not a huge LotR fan, must start to say that myself!

xrosiex
December 5th, 2008, 03:41 PM
Sorry, but I don't buy that, and neither should you.

I grew up with a mom, who had gorgeous silver hair, saying the same thing. "Gray hair on men looks distinguished, on women, it just looks OLD!" I cannot tell you how many times I heard her say that. Then she grabbed her bottle of Clairol, which, quite frankly ruined her beautiful hair. She did that for years before she finally quit the bottle.

All along, I just looked at my mom, who was a really beautiful woman, and her potentially gorgeous hair. I saw her for her real beauty. Not for some old cliche that has NO MERIT!

So this belief that it's not socially acceptable on women is pure and simple hogwash. We repeat it to ourselves, not realizing that we are indeed society. We determine what is socially acceptable.

And I happen to find myself and my hair, the way that it grows out of my head, incredibly socially acceptable.

That was very well said. You made me think. Maybe I will learn to love the grays I'm seeing. Thanks for your post.:)

Speckla
December 5th, 2008, 05:21 PM
I'm 34 and my bangs are mostly grey. The sides of my hair are liberally streaked with grey and I'm getting several grey streaks in the back. I stopped dying my hair in March of this year. I have no plans to color anymore and I'm just letting it go natural. There's no such thing as being too young for grey because my hair started getting greys when I was 21. It turns when it's time to. Grey actually can be very striking when your hair is dark.
________
Mazda 929 Picture (http://www.ford-wiki.com/wiki/Mazda_929)

joyfulmom4
December 5th, 2008, 07:35 PM
Sorry, but I don't buy that, and neither should you.

.................................................. .......................
So this belief that it's not socially acceptable on women is pure and simple hogwash. We repeat it to ourselves, not realizing that we are indeed society. We determine what is socially acceptable.

And I happen to find myself and my hair, the way that it grows out of my head, incredibly socially acceptable.


Absolutely. I do agree with you.

My point wasn't to suggest that I personally think grey is great on men but not on women. My point was that we live in a culture where this attitude is widespread. Whether I believe it or not and whether I like it or not, this is the cultural norm around me.

I think that's what makes it hard for me and for many others to embrace the change. Even though I find natural grey hair on others gorgeous and I don't want to have anything to do with coloring, I still find myself surrounded by a culture that tells us all grey is OK on males but not on females. Hence we have threads like this one "Loving/hating my greys".

I'm bucking it all the same. Just like I chose to keep my long hair after 30 and grow it longer after 40. I wish I was able to say that none of these attitudes ever affect me, but they do. Fortunately not much though. :)

Thank goodness we have LHC to counter those negative influences.

wintersun99
December 5th, 2008, 08:05 PM
..............

angelthadiva
December 6th, 2008, 09:31 PM
Great thread! :thumbsup:

I was just commenting to DH this morning that it was about time for me to color my hair...I showed him my graying outgrowth and he told me it was pretty and kissed it.

I think gray/silver/white hair is beautiful; it's the growing out in-between stage I don't like. I don't like that 3 tone calico cat look on me.

If I could snap my fingers and have my hair the silvery white color I see peeking out from my roots, I'd let it stay...Most likely...Or if it looked like OGM! :D

Which got me to thinking...I plan to go terminal anyway; I'd like to see how long my hair will grow--At least once in my life. If I quit coloring (which I'm still on the fence about); and just let it grow, when my hair reaches terminal length, I could always cut back to achieve the same overall color.

I'll be watching this thread and checking out albums of those who are doing this already, maybe for some inspiration.

Tangles
December 6th, 2008, 10:37 PM
There are special shampoos designed to brighten greys and I'm sure other products too...