Student threatened to cut my hair!

[joyfulmom4]

:tmi:

When I volunteered to teach my son's first grade Sunday school class this year, I had no idea what I was getting myself into...

We have 5-10 kids and this group requires TWO adult assistants to help maintain control. There's one boy w/ autism (sweet little guy, he just likes to wander, getting up and walking out at any moment) and a couple of ADD and ED kids. Plus the usual range of 1st graders (challenge enough, I'd think).

Today, I wore my hair down as it was wet from washing. One little girl kept reaching out and touching and grabbing my hair. Then a couple of little girls began commenting that I should cut it. My most challenging ADD/ED little student came up behind me and announced, "I'm going to cut your hair" and then she proceeded to pretend she was cutting it. Oy! Thank goodness she was only *pretending* (for a moment, I wasn't sure). This is a child whom I could realistically envision actually using a scissors and doing this. She has some serious impulse-control issues. Needless to say, I grabbed a Flexi-8 from my purse and proceeded to put my hair safely up out of her reach!

I don't believe I'll make the mistake of wearing it down to teach again. shudder:

[Aisha25]

Oh my good thing you had that clip. Always keep them up from now dont want anything happening to you.

[serabelle]

Oh my goodness... that group of kids sounds very challenging to deal with. (And just for clarification, does "ED" mean special education? Or is it something similar to ADD?)

I'm glad they didn't get any scissors! That would have been horrible!

[Isilme]

Oh, I would have gone mad and given them a really really good telling-off (I just found this word in my dictionary, I hope it makes sense:)) and probably told their parents too. I would have been so maaaad! I'm really sorry this happened to you, never wear your hair down again there, please:) This really upsets me, kids can be so cruel. (but also really sweet if they want to:))

[morguebabe]

I wear my hair up alot the times if I have to into NYC or ride the subway. I also wear it up in malls and movie theaters.

[Boots]

That's why I NEVER wear my hair down in my classroom. You never know what kids will do next. Last summer I sat on the edge of the sandbox so one little girl could pet my hair playing beauty parlor. The next thing I know, an entire bucket of sand was poured over my head. When I asked her what she was doing, she told me, "Rinsing."

Why am I a teacher again??

[joyfulmom4]

Oh my goodness... that group of kids sounds very challenging to deal with. (And just for clarification, does "ED" mean special education? Or is it something similar to ADD?)

I'm glad they didn't get any scissors! That would have been horrible!

Yeah, they are a HUGE challenge. And "ED" is an acronym for "emotionally disturbed". That explains a lot.

I didn't yell or scold the kids b/c it's difficult for me to know what the most appropriate disciplinary measure is in these classes. This particular child has parents who are divorced and she lives with her father who is remarried to a woman who has four other kids. I think she falls through the cracks, iykwim. She's also in choir w/ two of my other kids and when I told my dd about the 'haircut' thing, she freaked out and warned me to keep every scissors away from her b/c she was positive the girl had it in her to do it. I feel a little sorry for the girl b/c she is also really needy for affection and attention.

But I will definitely be wearing my hair up. Even if nobody ever cut it, it was obviously too great a distraction so kids weren't remaining on task for what they were supposed to do.

[kiora]

That's scary! When I was about 11 we had a really troubled kid in our class and one day he sneaked up to me as I was sitting at my desk. He stood there for a moment and I ignored him. Then I felt him cutting my hair! Maybe a handful, about 4 inches. :(
So be careful, kids can be soo mean.

[Alley Cat]

She was probably just pretending my daughter does that pretends she is going to cut my hair she never will , she has long hair and likes it that way too. Still I guess if they are troubled children it won't harm to wear your hair up if your worried. :)

[Pegasus Marsters]

It's always a good idea to keep hair up around kids, especially because long hair is a rarity. Kids are fascinated by it.

When I was in nursery there was a lovely assistant with waist length blonde hair. She'd only let me and my best friend play with it because we were careful, all the other kids tugged and pulled.

[Angellen]

Oh no! Good thing you had a flexi handy! :) Kids can be a real handful, especially so many at that age (all disorders aside). Glad to hear you made it out intact, though. ;)

[LisaButz2001]

For the OP: I wish my hair was as long and thick as yours! I teach and the kids are all old enough to know better & control themselves, but I almost always wear my hair up because it distracts them and I'd spend more time fielding questions/comments. Occasionally I'll wear a braid, but it's a rarity. Boots, no offense, but that sandbox story did give me a chuckle.

[MBonn]

Kids are dangerous! This reminded me of a story about my Mother. When she and my aunt and uncle were little they were little hellions. My mom and my uncle (the two older kids) cut off ONE of my aunt's pigtails. I don't know how my nana didn't kill them...

[Sissy]

I am a special education teacher of "ED" students or students with emotional and behavioral disorders as I like to refer to them. They can be challenging but I teach teens so don't get haven't really gotten the cut hair threat... had lots of other threats though ;)

[Sissy]

anyhow... truly glad your hair survived Sunday School!:p

[akurah]

So didn't read all the replies, but this may be a quasi-good teaching opportunity in terms of teaching respect? What I'd do, is when both you and them are relatively calm, explain about respecting other peoples' property, things, and body. They'll forget it, probably, being so young, but even one lesson about that at this age could lay useful groundwork for you or future adults to continue to teach them thus... Just a thought?

[Darkhorse1]

Educate them. Tell them if she did that, it's against the law. And that she and her parents would get in trouble. Kids don't need to be scared--it's good to let them know that they can't do everything that they want.

I wear my hair up or down around kids---I trust them, but I do understand you wearing yours up after that. Being firm isn't mean though--I'm sure they'd ask loads of questions as to why. Kids see long hair and like to play 'hair dresser' it's innocent, but they need to know they don't have a right to cut people's hair on a whim.

[joyfulmom4]

So didn't read all the replies, but this may be a quasi-good teaching opportunity in terms of teaching respect? What I'd do, is when both you and them are relatively calm, explain about respecting other peoples' property, things, and body. They'll forget it, probably, being so young, but even one lesson about that at this age could lay useful groundwork for you or future adults to continue to teach them thus... Just a thought?

Very good thoughts. I wish I had been on the ball enough to think of addressing it this way at the time it occurred. Sometimes I'm not quick enough with the best response and later it's "now why didn't I say that/do that?" So I'm going to prepare myself mentally for this sort of thing next time. There's bound to be *something* with this class. ;)

I'm learning as I go when it comes to teaching. Never taught before or had any experience with classroom management. But I am getting better at handling things and at knowing how to direct the learning activities and pace of things, etc. My hat is off to Sissy for being able to teach special education. It is truly a challenging occupation.

It *is* fun though. And rewarding, even on the small scale that I'm doing it (5-10 kids once a week). First graders are pretty sweet in general and even the most challenging ones have some great moments. :)

But I don't think I'll take the risk of leaving my hair down again. One thing I've learned as a parent is that the saying "an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure" most definitely applies to kids. Controlling the environment to reduce risks, distractions, temptations, opportunities for mischief, etc, is well worth the effort. :)

[Jostar]

i worked with a young woman who was learning disabled. She had a hair fixation so everyone who worked with her whose hair was longer than collar length had to have it tied up in some way.

I always wear my hair up when i am working with clients - (I am a speech and language therapist so work with all ages from tiny tots to elderly folks) especially when working with kids - I caught headlice on my first placement as a student and that was a nightmare!!

[Lady Verity]

This is why I would not make a good teacher. If they touched my hair, I'd cane the little swines back to 1851. :pumpkin:

[joyfulmom4]

I always wear my hair up when i am working with clients - (I am a speech and language therapist so work with all ages from tiny tots to elderly folks) especially when working with kids - I caught headlice on my first placement as a student and that was a nightmare!!

OMG! shudder: That would indeed be a nightmare!

[Molster]

Many kids with autistic spectrum disorders (which includes ADD/ADHD etc etc) find it difficult to deal with people who don't conform to their view of how a 'normal' person looks.

Your long hair made you look 'abnormal', so kids with ASD's would have the overwhelming urge for you to conform to their view of the world, hence the threat to cut. It should be read more as a protest that you don't fit into their expectations and that they find it confusing, frightening, and threatening to their 'safety zone'.

Don't blame the kids, and it won't be easy to explain it to them - it will always bug their sensibilities. Perhaps you need to adjust your actions to take into consideration their perceptions.

I work for a charity that supports children and adults with a range of learning and physical disabilities, and this reaction is something we have come across before with one or two of our support workers who have long hair. We have a general rule that long hair should never be worn down whilst working with service users, for your own safety and for theirs.

The simple solution is to put your hair up securely, and definitely don't use hairsticks!

[joyfulmom4]

Many kids with autistic spectrum disorders (which includes ADD/ADHD etc etc) find it difficult to deal with people who don't conform to their view of how a 'normal' person looks.

Your long hair made you look 'abnormal', so kids with ASD's would have the overwhelming urge for you to conform to their view of the world, hence the threat to cut. It should be read more as a protest that you don't fit into their expectations and that they find it confusing, frightening, and threatening to their 'safety zone'.

Don't blame the kids, and it won't be easy to explain it to them - it will always bug their sensibilities. Perhaps you need to adjust your actions to take into consideration their perceptions.

I work for a charity that supports children and adults with a range of learning and physical disabilities, and this reaction is something we have come across before with one or two of our support workers who have long hair. We have a general rule that long hair should never be worn down whilst working with service users, for your own safety and for theirs.

The simple solution is to put your hair up securely, and definitely don't use hairsticks!

This is good information. I should probably clarify in case anyone misunderstood me; it was not my autistic student who threatened to cut my hair. It was a little girl with ADD and emotional disturbance. Fwiw, I don't think she was actually saying it out of meanness either. She seems to like me and we have good rapport. She just has extreme difficulty controlling her impulsiveness and she's really needy for attention and acts out often. I think the "differentness" idea does apply to her some. She's fascinated b/c it's so unusual (and mine is very unusual since it's almost classic long) and I think she's just sortof drawn to stuff like that. My little guy with autism *does* also comment on my hair and thinks I should cut it. He touches it too. But he's not the one who said he'd cut it. Mostly, my biggest "problem" with him is that he gets uncontrollable impulses to get up and leave the room. Imagine me having to go round him up from the halls and leave my *other* students unattended??? :shudder: Good thing I have an assistant (or two).

Anyway, I will definitely keep the hair up. For all reasons mentioned and just in general to keep the whole class focused on learning. Being new to teaching, I'm gradually learning how to manage a classroom and optimize the learning setting. Having distractions like flowing hair just isn't a great idea.

[heidi w.]

Um, shouldn't the Church be made aware that you have challenging kids in this room that require special attention (such as the boy with autism who easily wanders), and perhaps more qualified people and/or separation of some students from the core group for their needs, or yet more adults in the room are needed to increase student/teacher ratio and assist those with issues to actually pay attention to any programming that's been planned? ETA: By comparison, in public school situations, kids wandering is a real problem. (I've been through this myself--and I quit b/c the institution flat out refused to appropriately get me even an assistant, and I didn't want the personal liability for wandering kids nor kids left unattended! This type of issue is not a teacher's issue; it's an administrative issue and staffing issue.) It's not allowed to leave other children unattended in other teaching scenarios to go gather the wanderer, so you need more assistants. Also, I would look into taking some kind of training on kids with these various issues so you can better advocate for more appropriate grouping of kids. I understand the idea that all need to learn to socially engage appropriately, but if you also have a wide span of ages, that's an issue alone. END ETA.

I realize this isn't regular school, but even there, things are done to augment such situations so all kids learn and behave well in the sandbox, more or less.

I mean, you can't teach a thing in this environment. The idea is Sunday SCHOOL, right? It sounds like it's just a babysitting service and a free-for-all. Not acceptable.

I would have simply told the student that it is unacceptable to behave so. But of course, depending on age this would've been perceived a certain way and possibly engender the behavior.

I don't know. It sounds out of control in there, and exhausting. I'd advocate for more parents or at least one qualified teacher type person in the room with parents assisting. You could do simple brief exercises in silence, in something about manners....and so on.

I've been to churches and I'm often amazed at the mayhem that children are allowed in some facilities. Others are quite organized. I'm suggesting something in between. Many separate kids by age group(s), at least.

heidi w.

[JessTheMess]

My cousin teaches autistic and ED children. She says it is one of the most difficult things she has ever had to do in her life, but it is also the most rewarding. She has come home with bruises and one child even headbutted her right in the face. It is a hard job, and it takes a special kind of person with a lot of patience to handle it.
Thank goodness your hair made it out ok

[joyfulmom4]

Um, shouldn't the Church be made aware that you have challenging kids in this room that require special attention (such as the boy with autism who easily wanders), and perhaps more qualified people and/or separation of some students from the core group for their needs, or yet more adults in the room are needed to increase student/teacher ratio and assist those with issues to actually pay attention to any programming that's been planned?

..........................................

I don't know. It sounds out of control in there, and exhausting. I'd advocate for more parents or at least one qualified teacher type person in the room with parents assisting. You could do simple brief exercises in silence, in something about manners....and so on.

heidi w.

Absolutely! :) And they DO provide me with assistance. It's difficult though, b/c it's all on a volunteer basis and the volunteers may change from week to week. Some weeks the regular volunteers are not available and I end up with a different volunteer who is not as familiar or skilled with kids. They really have tried hard to support and assist me though. They even contacted the local university and found two college student volunteers who are special education majors and they come to help. They are young and inexperienced themselves though, so they need some direction and some experience to build their skills. (Just like me)

It's a learning experience for all of us I guess. And it definitely is *exhausting*. More so some weeks than others. The more I figure out how to smoothly manage a classroom and what activities work best with this age group and this student group, the better it gets.

But I wanted to emphasize that I do get support. I've only had one week when I didn't have a volunteer adult. That week they found a teen to fill in and help me. She was a great kid, but obviously not as able as some. The best was when I had a retired teacher helping but then she goes south to spend her winters in Florida, so she is no longer available.

Anyway, I just didn't want to sound as though I'm complaining about the church support I get. Just sharing my mortification at the thought of having a kid cut my hair! Aaack! That really gave me a scare.

[heidi w.]

ETA: I typed this as you were inputting above. Ships pasing in the night!

Please know I didn't read the whole thread, and I now see better that you are the qualified teacher, and do have 2 assistants at least.

I bet some of the parents view this as a babysitting service, not a classroom of some sort.

I am sure you tell your assistant's what the day's program is focusing on, and I am likewise sure you inform parents of any real issues. I think it's acceptable to find a way to update parents on what's going on with their child, in terms of progress and behavior concerns.

Now that I understand better who made the hair comment, yeah, there MAY have been a way to address that, but likely not so easy.

Any opportunity you have to take a seminar on such learning styles/issues, will help you immensely to frame things and program for all participants. I took a few and it's made a huge difference. I'm not an expert, but I am better informed and it helps me to frame things more appropriately.

You have a full plate on Sundays. I would ask for more help, and maybe consider re-orging so that similar age groups are grouped together. I don't know how long this is, but you may have to organize a potty break and a water break. Probably that's covered. Kids should not wander alone without attendance. You never know who might just walk out of the building! (Yes, this has happened to me once.) I set up a rule after the first and only time: if people have to leave the room for such things they are to raise their hand, or approach me privately to ask to leave the room. And then I find someone to escort them.

heidi w.

[heidi w.]

Absolutely! :) Anyway, I just didn't want to sound as though I'm complaining about the church support I get. Just sharing my mortification at the thought of having a kid cut my hair! Aaack! That really gave me a scare.

I wasn't sensing that YOU were complaining about lack of support: I simply read between the lines, and this seemed an obvious issue that may need some attention, from my read.

Safe scissors for kids, and such implements locked away or up high would be appropriate too. Special permission or project with plenty of supervision would be required on any art projects utilizing scissors would be in order. (Like a day when you have only one volunteer assistant, that might be a day you have to nix a scissor art project. For certain age groups, I did the pre-cutting before class -- they did all the coloring and glueing and sparkles etc.)

heidi w.

[Darkhorse1]

My only concern about this situation is, if the child isn't taught that is not allowed, what will stop her from doing this to another child or adult? Can you address this next time you see her? How old was/is the child? I've worked with ADD kids, and never had a problem with my hair. I would think that most children, problems or not, know right from wrong, unless they are severely disabled/mentally handicapped/challenged.

Working with children is SO rewarding though. Regardless of the problems, they are wonderful to be around :)

[joyfulmom4]

darkhorse, You're right that it is something that would be good to address with this little girl. I wish I had had my wits about me better at the time it happened, so that I could have seized on the "teachable moment" and given appropriate correction/guidance to the little girl and the rest of the class. Sadly, I think I was a bit too freaked out by it and my response was to quickly redirect the child and grab for a hair clip. I really missed my golden opportunity to focus on this particular behavior problem.

I think that's where the teacher experience thing comes into play. I used to have major problems with some other parts of the daily schedule (like getting kids to and from music time or dealing w/ snack time) but I've figured out what to do (and not do) so I can make it go more smoothly. And as Heidi suggested, by scheduling bathroom breaks and being prepared for stuff, that cuts down on stresses.

I appreciate all the input here though. When I posted this I was mostly venting my "omg, my hair!" story, but it's turned into an interesting discussion. I definitely think teaching this class has been rewarding in addition to challenging. I believe I will volunteer again in the future.

[heidi w.]

The largest thing with kids of most ages is to remember to never take a thing personally. It's all about them, not you. Even if it looks like they're saying or doing something concerning you, it's really a reflection of them and their world view. It's not personal. (For the most part.)

heidi w.

[heidi w.]

One other thing to know is that some kids ARE easier to love, easier to work with. Some of this is personality; some of this is the connection you get with some kids; some of this is parental training. Some kids ARE more difficult.

A true professional recognizes this yet endeavors towards fairness. In teaching, Fairness is not that each child gets the same thing: Fairness is that each child gets what they actually need.

There's a difference. Most kids view fairness that they get what Johnny or Suzy has too.

heidi w.

[LadyGunn]

I am a special education teacher of "ED" students or students with emotional and behavioral disorders as I like to refer to them. They can be challenging but I teach teens so don't get haven't really gotten the cut hair threat... had lots of other threats though ;)

I had a kid in Children's Church who wasn't sitting still, kept running around, kicking other kids' chairs, etc. I finally cornered him in a back row & knelt down to talk to him. He said "I wish I had a knife" & glared at me. I used to get that all the time at work but certainly wasn't expecting it at church! I let him know in no certain terms (without being scary) that threats were not acceptable & asked him to think how he would want to be treated & what would Jesus want him to do. He chilled out after that but I missed talking to his parents when he was picked up. Too many other hobbits running around. :p


Um, shouldn't the Church be made aware that you have challenging kids in this room that require special attention (such as the boy with autism who easily wanders), and perhaps more qualified people and/or separation of some students from the core group for their needs, or yet more adults in the room are needed to increase student/teacher ratio and assist those with issues to actually pay attention to any programming that's been planned?

Our church has a team of adults who work with the special needs kids in Sunday School & Children's Church. They give them one on one attention & help. Each class also has at least one helper in each room.


The largest thing with kids of most ages is to remember to never take a thing personally. It's all about them, not you. Even if it looks like they're saying or doing something concerning you, it's really a reflection of them and their world view. It's not personal. (For the most part.)

heidi w.

Definately. I work at a psychiatric residential treatment facility for teenagers with behavioural & emotional problems. I've been called a procreating female dog more times than I can count. I've been bit, kicked, punched, pinched, hit, clawed, threatened with scissors, everything except spit on. My favourite kid punched me in the face twice & threw a potted poinsettia at me :lol: but I understand that she went through some horrific abuse & didn't know how to deal with the world or even herself. Makes me want to have an hour alone in a locked room with the people who did that to her. :angry::rant::hatchet:

As far as hair & kids go, my nephews love to pet my hair, whether up or down. I've had kids at work ask to pet my braid, and as long as they're on task, I'm fine with it. One girl has even started growing her hair out like mine. :crush: Awww...

[joyfulmom4]

One other thing to know is that some kids ARE easier to love, easier to work with. Some of this is personality; some of this is the connection you get with some kids; some of this is parental training. Some kids ARE more difficult.

A true professional recognizes this yet endeavors towards fairness. In teaching, Fairness is not that each child gets the same thing: Fairness is that each child gets what they actually need.

There's a difference. Most kids view fairness that they get what Johnny or Suzy has too.

heidi w.

Is this ever *wise* advice! And difficult to carry out sometimes, but definitely true. It's a challenge in a lot of ways though, including not just meeting the needs of the challenging/demanding students but also figuring out and meeting the needs of the shy/reserved ones.

I can't tell you how much my respect for teachers has gone up since starting this teaching experience. I *always* held teachers in high regard and felt their work was challenging and important. But now that I'm trying to do it myself, well, very much more so!

And Ladygunn, I think working in a residential treatment center for teens must be a real challenge. There is a facility like that in our community and I often see their residents here in the clinic where I work. I feel for these kids when I see them b/c it's hard to imagine what sort of background would result in an 11 yr old being sent off to a place like that and being on the psych meds many are on, etc. My dd is 11 and by contrast she seems so youthful and innocent. They have kids as young as 7 and 8 yrs old. :( My hat's off to you for the work you do.