Hair: Thoughts and Theories

[winter_star]

The last few days I have been pondering a few “theories” and questions I’d like to share with you guys and I was wondering what your thoughts on this may be?

Please be aware that I don’t wish to tread on any toes or offend and upset anybody. I am simply very curious.

I know we often discuss why we love to grow our hair and for whatever reasons, but do you think it may be a little deeper than liking the way it feels against your arms or what hairstyles you can do best?

I recently read an article in the local daily newspaper which aimed to discuss the emotional connection people have with hair and the trauma we often feel without it. Hair is alive and constantly growing with the rest of our bodies. It covers not only your head, but the entire body apart from soles of feet, palms of hands and lips.

Do you think we have the same connection with hair as we do if we lost any other part of our body/limbs? Cancer patients often describe apart from invasive surgery that losing their hair can be the most traumatic part of experiencing their illness and often feel a sense of vulnerability and loss of identification without it (Not saying this is the case with everyone).

After having cancer and losing her hair, my grandmother became very protective over it and thought that the process of cutting her hair after this was very offensive and could not bring herself to cut it. Again this is not meaning all cancer patients feel this way.

Regardless of your experiences, I would like to hear your “theories” or how you feel about hair and what it means to you. Feel free to share stories.

[AutumnLeaves]

Having lost most of one finger and the tip of my thumb in an accident, I can truly say that it was much more of an emotional mountain to get over than cutting my hair has ever been. At the same time, however, there is a sense of self with my hair and while it has had so many cuts over the years, I have regretted and even mourned its loss each time. I do not consider it as necessary to me as other parts of me, however. I even shaved my head down once and while it was a shocking thing to do and I regretted a wee bit, it was also liberating for me. I have to agree...emotions ARE caught up in one's sense of self as it pertains to hair...

Did I just talk myself into a circle? Mayhaps...

[Sarahmoon]

I know for me it's definitely emotional since I was bullied as a kid when I had my hair short. But I think the reason I want it longer than just averagely "long" is that it makes me feel more unique. I was never the one to try to be fashionable.
My hair is not as important to me as other body parts though. I've never lost a body part so I'm not sure how I would feel but I figure it would me much much worse since it doesn't grow back like hair does.

[Kirin]

The following content is only personal opinion :)

Up until the modern era, until at least 70 years ago with a few very minor exceptions (such as fads like flappers) women wore hair long. From ancient times, women were judged and appraised based on their look, a main majority of this, by the quality abundance and length of their hair. If you look back in historical texts, a woman's hair is pointed out in descriptions of women more often than any other attribute, and, very romantic and creative ornate descriptions are used for it. (Such as, Crowning glory and so fourth).

I am not certain in my opinion if this is because of societal norms, or, some primal identifier, but it remains, hair is important in women. (in men too, I would imagine, but I am focusing on women here as I don't know the male perspective on long hair).

Whatever the connection is in humanities past that equates women with long hair as beautiful, the loss of a woman's hair I do not equate to a loss of a body part as much as.... Loss of identity, femininity and in the subconscious is seen as being disfigured.

I would not put the loss or damage of hair in the same category as loosing a limb, but I would put it in the same category as being physically maimed. (I.e. severely burned, mutilated, or brutally scarred). In such cases women loose their self esteem, feel foreign even to themselves, do not feel viable as a love interest partner, and mourn the beauty and identity lost.

[mellie]

Kirin, I agree with you! I think that there is definitely a connection between femininity (spelling???) and long, flowing hair. I notice I feel much more feminine (and beautiful) when my hair is longer - given that it is a healthy long, haha!! :-)

[Ranee]

Kirin, I wouldn't put hair loss in the same category as being physically maimed. I am brutally scarred. I experience (did I spell that right?) that as far worse than any hairloss I've ever had. The hair eventually grows back, but the scars remain for the rest of one's life. However, I do get you point. I can imagine the feeling of identity loss etc, since I felt that myself during the Big Shedd 2 years ago.

Very interesting topic BTW!

[Igor]

The way I see it, hair (okay, and nails too in some cases) are the only thing that keeps a “time-line” of your life. Sure, wrinkles deepen and things begin to sag, but everything else regenerates. Only the hair remains like a dead timeline of your life
You can so to speak cut the bad years out of your body if you wish or you can connect and protect the years of re-growing after, say cancer, and see every little bit of growth as the beginning to a new life
And maybe because you can’t use any cream or potion to get back any length you lose and there is only time and patience that will let you grow out, it is something more special? Even scars can be healed and fade, but only time will let you get the head of hair back if you once lost it

[lora410]

I do it because I don't like being like everyone else in society. I strive to be different and longer hair then average will make me different. However, when I was a teen I read romance novels. And all the women had beautiful long hair; so part of it is wanting to feel beautiful like the women in the books.

[Aisha25]

In India long hairs has always been reveared as beautiful and even when I hear stories about women and there long black tresses and black beautiful eyes in ancient times it always make me want my hairs long too. But now even some indian have gone to the "modern" ways and feel hairs should be short so sad:nono:

[Islandgrrl]

It does go deeper for me.

My hair is my best feature. It is beautiful even though I am not a physical beauty. Having beautiful long hair makes me feel like I'm not still that awkward, gawky girl with glasses, braces and the horrible haircut that I was for most of my life. It makes me feel like I might be beautiful.

Okay, that was really, really hard stuff to say.

[spidermom]

I know that my attitude about my hair has changed in the years I've been growing it. I used to think of my hair as an accessory -- mine to toy with and do as I pleased. I cut it, permed it, bleached it, and colored it. Now I see my hair as an entity to respect and nurture just as it is; more like a pet than an accessory.

[LutraLutra]

I started growing my hair from pixie in may 07. Now that my hair is getting to what the non-LHC world calls 'mid lenght' I feel different somehow, better, fuller. When my hair was short I could cut it off again and again, like cutting off time. Now that I'm learning how to look after my hair I feel as if I'm learning to live with time and accept it. I've been thinking about this a lot recently - growing long hair is time made visable. Do I sound nuts? :confused:

[harpgal]

It does go deeper for me.

My hair is my best feature. It is beautiful even though I am not a physical beauty. Having beautiful long hair makes me feel like I'm not still that awkward, gawky girl with glasses, braces and the horrible haircut that I was for most of my life. It makes me feel like I might be beautiful.

Okay, that was really, really hard stuff to say.I can really relate to your post, Islandgrrl.

Growing up, I was criticized for everything. Because I am very different than the rest of my family, they found it humorous to make fun of me whenever they could. It does a number on a person to be sure, and I have always felt that I was ugly.

So even though my hair is the result of genetics, to some degree, growing it to long lengths is my personal decision and has nothing to do with the rest of my family. It is all mine. I think it is my best physical feature and makes me feel beautiful and mysterious.

[mellie]

Islandgrrl, I can relate too! I was totally that geeky girl with the glasses and braces too!! And before geeky was cool, too! :-)

[Islandgrrl]

Islandgrrl, I can relate too! I was totally that geeky girl with the glasses and braces too!! And before geeky was cool, too! :-)

Oh yeah, WAAAAAY before geeky was cool. Back when geeky kids got food thrown at them in the cafeteria.....for a solid year in Jr. High my favorite color was pizza.

[Kirin]

Kirin, I wouldn't put hair loss in the same category as being physically maimed. I am brutally scarred. I experience (did I spell that right?) that as far worse than any hairloss I've ever had. The hair eventually grows back, but the scars remain for the rest of one's life. However, I do get you point. I can imagine the feeling of identity loss etc, since I felt that myself during the Big Shedd 2 years ago.

Very interesting topic BTW!

I am sorry if the reference and context seemed to put the loss or cut of hair in the same intensity range as being maimed. My point was to state that the same general feeling (though of less intensity) is in the same category. The same area is stimulated in the brain with equating emotions, though of course of a less intense nature.

In other words, like with a disfigurement, it is not the pain of the initial injury, it is the sensation of loss and mourning at the alteration left behind. In effect, hair loss (such as with cancer) or another woman such as a girls mother forcefully cutting their hair against their will, can feel like a disfigurement.

And those, say, with alopecia, who's hair does not grow back, might equate their hair loss as exactly the same as being disfigured.
Those with permanent hair loss, weather genetic or through something like alopecia may argue that their sense of loss and disfigurement is likely the same as being physically altered in some way.

Again these are just my opinions. I have no actual firm basis in fact.

Also from ancient times, I think a loss of a woman's hair making her less feminine would be equal to the sensation of a man of that time being unable to father children, or being unable to "perform" as a loss of masculinity. (though that too at the time was blamed on women, not men at all).

[nimeera]

I grow my hair because I can. Because it is one thing that is somewhat under my control. It is hard to stay in physical shape, to eat right, to lose weight. But growing hair, I can do that in my sleep!
:magic:

[ClareDee]

I probably don't feel as deeply connected to my hair as some here. Maybe because it's never been very long. For me, hair is something to have fun maintaining, braiding, decorating, styling, etc. I don't look at it as a spiritual thing or a method of deep self-expression, really.

I have a couple of scars on my body, and if I had to give up my hair in order to heal those scars, I'd give up my hair.

Even though the scars are fairly minor and hidden, they are a constant reminder to me of a bad time, and I still feel a bit sad when I look at them. A small part of why I want long hair is so that my hair covers my scars. So maybe I will find myself feeling protected by my hair in the future. Maybe that's when I'll feel a connection between my feelings, my past, and my hair. Hmm. I hope that doesn't sound like a very negative reason to want long hair. It's definitely not my main reason.

[~GypsyCurls~]

I am definitely emotionally tied to my hair. I had it long since I was a kid, didn't have my first haircut (forcefully) until I was 12. Through later years of too much damage, I eventually had to cut it to just above shoulder length a couple years ago, have had one trim since, and am now to just about to waist length. I definitely feel more 'me' with the way it is now.

The same with straightening. I like the way my hair looks straight, but not more than curly and again I feel more 'me' with my curls. I wouldn't switch to straight hair even if it were a choice...I've heard that L'Oreal is developing a pill that makes hair straight. Dunno if it's just a rumor or if it will ever actually happen, though.

I also just feel that long curls fit my personality, and my hair makes me feel more sensual and feminine. I do love the way it feels against my back, though!

[chrissy-b]

What a lovely idea for a thread!

I had very very long hair as a child and through most of my adolescence. I never thought much about it, but I was traumatized when I decided to get a cut and a perm when I was 12. I was mortified and didn't leave the house for almost a week. Not at the loss of hair but because it looked awful.

Through most of my 20's I kept it short, super short. I'm only growing it out now because I want to feel more feminine. I come off now and always have as a tomboy and somewhat intimidating to most men I know. I'm hoping that long hair will bring out a bit of the femininity I lost while my hair was so short.

If I had to choose, though, between my hair and any other part of my body, my hair would be the first to go.

[MadHatter]

Actually, hair isn't alive.
I can't speak for anyone else, only myself. If my hair were suddenly gone, I would be upset, but not because I lost a functional part of myself. It's been there for a while, and if I were to cut it all off at once, it would be a major change... I wouldn't feel like myself. After all, the image I have of myself has long hair. Any stark change would be unsettling.

[spidermom]

Hair is alive at its root.

[az_sweetie01]

I feel similarly, Islandgirl. I was ridiculed in Jr High...everyday on the bus, I just wanted to get on and sink into my seat and hope that the older boys in the back wouldn't make fun of me...their favorite expression circa 1996 was "what a dog." ...ugh, still painful but anyway...I know that I am by no means a beauty but, long hair has always made me feel special and different, in a good way. Despite my friends telling me how "great" my hair looks at just above APL, I always linger there before growing again. Long hair feels like a piece of the puzzle that is part of me, I suppose.

[Tangles]

This is interesting, because I feel like on the one hand physicality matters not at all, but on the other hand it does shape how people see themselves throughout their lives. The trappings of being made out of atoms and proteins and not out of sheer air, I suppose. It's all very confusing.

[Silver Strands]

I think long hair is a much better look because it's NATURAL.
And i'm always drawn to natural people. No phony fakery, the REAL them.
Down to earth type of people.

I always prefer to meet a woman with longer hair in their natural color, no matter their age.
There is a true beauty in allowing yourself to be seen the way you really are.

[Boots]

I'm growing back from chemo and no one is cutting my hair. Ever. Again.

[wintersun99]

..............

[Lady Lilya]

Having lost most of one finger and the tip of my thumb in an accident, I can truly say that it was much more of an emotional mountain to get over than cutting my hair has ever been. At the same time, however, there is a sense of self with my hair and while it has had so many cuts over the years, I have regretted and even mourned its loss each time. I do not consider it as necessary to me as other parts of me, however. I even shaved my head down once and while it was a shocking thing to do and I regretted a wee bit, it was also liberating for me. I have to agree...emotions ARE caught up in one's sense of self as it pertains to hair...

Did I just talk myself into a circle? Mayhaps...

I guess the question is: was it the same kind of emotion, just different in degree? Was one an emotional speed-bump in the road while the other was a mountain? Or were they completely different emotions?

-----

As a child, my parents repeatedly cut my hair very short, and it was very traumatic to me. I felt so not-myself. I felt very wrong. The hair was supposed to be there.


I know for me it's definitely emotional since I was bullied as a kid when I had my hair short. But I think the reason I want it longer than just averagely "long" is that it makes me feel more unique. I was never the one to try to be fashionable.
My hair is not as important to me as other body parts though. I've never lost a body part so I'm not sure how I would feel but I figure it would me much much worse since it doesn't grow back like hair does.

When I was in second grade (that would make me about 8 years old at the time?) I had long, healthy, well-cared-for fingernails. I was the first one in my class to have long nails. I felt so unique. I felt so feminine. And glamorous. And in some ways it was an accomplishment along similar lines of having attained a hair length goal.


The following content is only personal opinion :)

Up until the modern era, until at least 70 years ago with a few very minor exceptions (such as fads like flappers) women wore hair long. From ancient times, women were judged and appraised based on their look, a main majority of this, by the quality abundance and length of their hair. If you look back in historical texts, a woman's hair is pointed out in descriptions of women more often than any other attribute, and, very romantic and creative ornate descriptions are used for it. (Such as, Crowning glory and so fourth).

I am not certain in my opinion if this is because of societal norms, or, some primal identifier, but it remains, hair is important in women. (in men too, I would imagine, but I am focusing on women here as I don't know the male perspective on long hair).

Whatever the connection is in humanities past that equates women with long hair as beautiful, the loss of a woman's hair I do not equate to a loss of a body part as much as.... Loss of identity, femininity and in the subconscious is seen as being disfigured

I think that long hair is an instinctively-recognized signal of good health. Along with good teeth and skin. We are wired in a way to seek out the healthiest mate. So it would make sense that we would be more attractive to potential mates if we have long and healthy hair.

-----

My hands were always my best feature. 11 years ago I had a bad accident and my hands were sliced up all over, down to the bone, and now they have horrible scars. But I would rather double that than lose my hair.

Hair is thought of as a choice. However you have your hair is how you chose to present yourself. You are judged for it. Attractive hair is an accomplishment. Nobody judges me for my mangled hands.

[frizzinator]

When my hair is short it's a struggle to maintain. When my hair is long it is very easy for me to maintain.

[Alun]

I am not certain in my opinion if this is because of societal norms, or, some primal identifier, but it remains, hair is important in women. (in men too, I would imagine, but I am focusing on women here as I don't know the male perspective on long hair).



I think hair is a strong part of identity in everyone. OTOH, if it is short (most males) then the time taken to grow it back is not so long. You only have to look at how much some men invest in hair restoral (transplants, grafts, etc.). Permanent hair loss forces a change in identity. I suppose at least there are positive role models for bald men. Well, there's always Sinead O'Connor, but...

I think if I had to have chemo the hair loss would definitely be the worst part. It takes years to grow hair this long, so if it all fell out and grew back it would mean years of looking at someone in the mirror who just didn't look like me. I can't say for sure of course, because it never happened, and I hope it never does, but that's my opinion. I think a short haired person of either sex would get over it quicker, because it would take less time to get back to it's previous length. Also, extrememly short hair looks less remarkable on a guy, although I would hate it so much that it would probably be obvious. The worst thing is that some people would probably complement for having short hair, and I wouldn't really be able to accept that gracefully, I don't think.

Male pattern baldness is a pretty slow process. Gradual change is perhaps easier. OTOH, it only affects the hair at the front and sides, so men with it can still have long hair. Unfortunately, there are lot of people who tolerate long hair on guys but tell bald guys to cut their hair. One of my friends caved in to pressure and cut his hair short when he went bald. He looked a lot older, but only after he cut his hair, not when it was still long around the sides and back. I certainly wouldn't do what he did. I would keep the rest of it long. Oddlly, I think being bald on top would be easier to accept with more hair elsewhwere. Some bald guys grow beards for that reason.

Then again, MPB is usually obvious by age 30, even though it usually takes a long time to become really bald after the first signs. This means at my age I know I'm not going to be bald through MPB, so I needn't worry about it. If it was going to happen I would know by now.

[LawyerGirl]

Hmm... I have only had long hair for short periods of time... (4th grade, 9th grade, and the end of my sophomore year of college).... and never for more than a year at a time. Growing up, my hair was really fine, so my mom kept it in an ear length bob. My high school boyfriend liked it long, so I grew it out the year I dated him and cut it short the day we broke up. I let it grow when I was pregnant with my son, but once he was born and had his fingers in it I cut it to the chin again. For me, it has always been an instant makeover... if I ever needed a drastic change, I would dye or cut my hair. The more drastic the change I needed, the more I did to my hair.

It wasn't until just recently, when my boyfriend sort of suggested the possibility of getting married before I graduate from law school (when I had assumed that it would be AFTER) that I realized that I didn't want to have short hair in my wedding pictures.... and looking through photos, I realized that I could characterize myself as all sorts of things, but I didn't feel pretty without long hair. And on my wedding day, I want to feel pretty. I guess I had never really stopped to think about femininity in that sense...

But I have been growing my hair out now for 7 weeks. And my BF, who has never seen it even shoulder length (we have been together now for a long time), started playing with it and made a comment about how long it was getting. And when he said it... I felt pretty. :)

Is that too cheesy?

[nicolezoie]

I have not read all the responses, but I just wanted to say, that from the perspective of the wife of a man who has suffered male pattern baldness AND the loss of a limb, he'd MUCH rather be able to grow his arm back than his hair. ;)

From my perspective, if I were to lose my hair to chemo or something else, I'm honestly not sure if I would grow it back to the length it is now (or if I even COULD). I'd probably grow it to some length, but how long? I don't know - mid-back to waist I suppose. I could only part with it if I had to, not because I wanted to. A lady at work went through breast cancer treatment and lost all her hair, and now a few years later, I'm not entirely sure if she has done more than cut her bangs. It's not very long (a little past her shoulders), but it was the first thing she was determined to grow back, along with her extrordinarily long natural nails. She was extremely frustrated with some of the medicine that she was on afterwards, because of how slow it made her hair grow.

[Tangles]

Men's attitudes towards hair vary. Some don't really care about hair loss and some are as upset as a woman would be if she experienced female pattern baldness.

I think everyone is attached to their hair in some way, but it definitely varies with the individual. I don't think of my hair as "having to be long" because I feel extremely feminine with shoulder length or even a bit shorter; to me, long hair is a bonus.

I feel like this thread mixes up different issues--having hair at all versus having long hair.

[PhillyGirl1978@]

Kirin, I agree with you! I think that there is definitely a connection between femininity (spelling???) and long, flowing hair. I notice I feel much more feminine (and beautiful) when my hair is longer - given that it is a healthy long, haha!! :-)

I have a huge connection with my hair. It is a big part of who I am, I'm the girls with the long dark curls. My hair stands out most places I go. I do think it makes me feel more feminine. For me there is something about long hair blowing in the breeze that is breath taking.

[ilovelonghair]

For me hair is a part of my body and very important, however if I'd lose it I just get a really nice wig made. I'd get a wig with a hair type I'd not be able to have with my own hair (extremely thick lots of waves and loooooooooong, and either black or flaming red). I have had times where my hair was so bad I had to use hair pieces and I even had a wig for occasions (black and very curly, it was fun to wear), so I know how it can be. Now my hair is getting good lately, I'm very happy with that of course. But sometimes lots of my hair just falls out all of a sudden, sometimes just all over, sometimes on one spot (that's the hardest, because it doesn't grow back properly) or in front near my forehead in a diffuse way. That last way is awful, because it's very visible, however with make-up I can cover it up.
So now I'm very happy with my hair!

Things I find very handy of long hair: protection against the sun and nice and warm in winter. Also it's very handy when you want to have your hair out of your face: just put it up.


Then again, MPB is usually obvious by age 30, even though it usually takes a long time to become really bald after the first signs.

Some guys go bald later too, my father started after 60. But he's so tall no one knows :-) and it's only at the back of his head a little bit.
I have known guys who went bald in a very short time, maybe not completely shiny bald, but extremely visibly bald. But it seems indeed that if a guy has thick healthy hair over 30 he doesn't have to worry much.

[Bene]

my hair is a pain in the butt when it's short. it takes too much effort to keep it looking relatively presentable. that's the simplified answer.


complicated answer: i don't wear makeup. i pretty much live in old jeans, t-shirts, and dirty sneakers. in my clothes, speech and mannerisms, there is nothing stereotypically feminine about me. my boyfriends have always hinted at wanting me to wear "girly" things. alone with my man, i can be completely feminine, but showing that private side of me in public and making an effort to be "pretty" feels fake and totally alien to me, as if i were putting on some pretense. i've seen that pretense in women, and i find it absolutely disgusting. the lies women tell with makeup and padded bras, and high heels, and heroic efforts to undo what nature has given them, it's too much for me. but my hair growing, it is effortless and natural. i don't feel like i'm pretending when i have long hair. i can let it down, and feel totally feminine without having to resort to all the extra garbage.


and, i like the way my hair feels when it swishes across my back :D

[Alun]

I have not read all the responses, but I just wanted to say, that from the perspective of the wife of a man who has suffered male pattern baldness AND the loss of a limb, he'd MUCH rather be able to grow his arm back than his hair. ;)


That's a given. After all, even a wig is way more functional than a prosthetic arm (I mean for it's intended purpose, not for picking things up, LOL!).


Men's attitudes towards hair vary. Some don't really care about hair loss and some are as upset as a woman would be if she experienced female pattern baldness.

...

I feel like this thread mixes up different issues--having hair at all versus having long hair.

I think your first point is very true, and it doesn't even depend all that much whether the guy has long hair. The long haired friend I mentionned earlier in the thread was OK about his hair loss, whereas some men with short hair get very upset about it.

As for mixing up different issues, I'm not so certain about that. Chemo causes total hair loss, but it grows back, and can eventually be long again, whereas MPB causes only hair loss in certain places, and the guy can actually keep long hair all the time, just not on the affected parts. Either way, the person can still have long hair, albeit maybe not right now or not all over their head.




Some guys go bald later too, my father started after 60. But he's so tall no one knows :-) and it's only at the back of his head a little bit.
I have known guys who went bald in a very short time, maybe not completely shiny bald, but extremely visibly bald. But it seems indeed that if a guy has thick healthy hair over 30 he doesn't have to worry much.

My father has a bald patch at the back, which he had since he was about 30. I'm not sure what that began as, but I think it's different from MPB, and after he turned 60 it did get a lot worse.

I think balding due to aging is another category in it's own right. For most people that are affected by it (and it can affect both genders) the number of hairs on the head is reduced all over, and it probably shows up more at the crown because the hairs all radiate away from that point to leave a very small natural gap that gets bigger when you have less hairs.

[ilovelonghair]

That makes sense actually. Balding due to age is more overall on the scalp too.

Did anyone notice that some people bald at the nape? That the hairline at the nape gets higher? For some people the hair doesn't fall out though but become really fine baby hairs, quite strange.

I think MPB is reconizeble by the receding at the forehead, or at the side of the forehead. It seems when people have that they are starting to get bald.


I haven't seen any of the women in my family having problems with balding when aging, not even thinning of the hair, but if it would happen to me I definitely would get a wig or some other solution.

[winter_star]

Thank you all for some really great responses.

I too agree with not putting hair loss in the same category as loosing a limb. I do however feel a deep connection with my hair and although I have never experienced hair loss, regardless of the cause I would feel a deep sense of sadness and unidentification. I do however understand what the article I read was trying imply, that hair is a growing, natural part of our body and when severed/cut or we have the ability to feel a cetain pain or loss.