I'm not your friend anymore?

[Accolady]

:) Hiya!

I'm back. While perusing the site, I noticed some of my
'friends' no longer have a checkmark on the box by their
picture. Does this indicate anything?

Perhaps "I'm not your friend anymore"?

Honestly, to each his own, but I was a little puzzled. Does
this indicate I've pithed someone off?

LOL. With humor, Karen Marie

[mira-chan]

I've had the same thing happen with some people. Either they changed their setting so you can't friend them only have them as a contact or the server glitched and changed the settings for them. That's my best guess on what happened. :flower:

[spidermom]

I know that certain people have been highly offended by one thing or another and dumped the friend system completely or in part because they didn't intend to be around LHC much anymore.

[getoffmyskittle]

Everything else aside, the friend system is highly entertaining. :lol:

[CarriAnne]

Karen Marie,

HI!!!! I'm back too, just rejoined a few days ago and still trying to figure out my way around the new boards. I lost my old profile due to new site changes. So even though I had many posts, I'm now starting over again.

How have you been? Nice to see a familar face on here!

Carri Anne
Queens, NYC

[Dianyla]

Karen Marie,

HI!!!! I'm back too, just rejoined a few days ago and still trying to figure out my way around the new boards. I lost my old profile due to new site changes. So even though I had many posts, I'm now starting over again.

How have you been? Nice to see a familar face on here!

Carri Anne
Queens, NYC
Carri Anne, what was your old name? I can merge you back together - your old account should still exist.

[angelthadiva]

Welcome back! :flower:

I'm sure each person has their own reasons...Try not to take it personal.

Speaking from my own personal experience; I've had 3 members break "friendships" with me...I probably wouldn't have even noticed, because I don't even look at that page at all unless I receive a friend request, and you have to scroll past everyone to see the new one...Any how, "they" for their own reasons decided to leave; and basically wanted to close out their profile, and let me know why they were breaking the relationship.

This sounds so overly dramatic; but that is the common-speak of the site. "Friend request" "break friendship", "ignore member"...I'm sure it was nothing you did, maybe life has gotten away from them, or some other thing has come into their life.

If the friendship was one that you valued; maybe ask them directly if something happened. Some people don't like confrontation, but confrontation is a good thing...You might be able to hash out a misunderstanding and add a friendship back to your life.

Again, welcome back :flower:

Ps. I almost forgot, some people have been very vocal about not participating in the whole "friend" aspect of the community, and will not accept a request if you send it...With no exceptions...You might check their profile/blog; there are more than a few who have adopted this personal policy...My guess is privacy concerns are the motivator behind the decision and wanting control over who really "knows" who they are...

[CarriAnne]

Thanks for trying to help! I can't even remember! I think it was either CarriAnne or Carolyn or CarolynNYC or something like that. I created CarriAnneNYC because I thought that's how I used to sign in. I was logged in all the time, and then one day came back to the site and was asked to log in. I tried unsuccessfully with a combination of all the names I'd possibly use.

I wish I saved the info somewhere on my hard drive!

[purplebubba]

Thanks for trying to help! I can't even remember! I think it was either CarriAnne or Carolyn or CarolynNYC or something like that. I created CarriAnneNYC because I thought that's how I used to sign in. I was logged in all the time, and then one day came back to the site and was asked to log in. I tried unsuccessfully with a combination of all the names I'd possibly use.

I wish I saved the info somewhere on my hard drive!

There's a member with the name CarriAnne listed as being in Queens NYC
http://forums.longhaircommunity.com/member.php?u=202

Edit: Hi Accolady. Don't know if I've ever had you on my friends list or not but I've never had reason to be enemies or non friends.

[LisaJaney]

KM, you are still on MY friends list. I have no idea why the things are unchecked, except what others have said here, and yeah, it happens I suppose. I have never wanted to eliminate traces or make an announcement when I leave a community. You just slip quietly away. This way, if you decide to come back, you've not burned your bridges, and you don't run the risk of someone saying "Don't let the door hit ya". But people DO do that: want to erase everything, or maybe make announcements about departure, etc. So it's possible that some have done that, and that is why their boxes went UNchecked.

Say, maybe you should stay up all night tonight just trying to figure who you offended, and which of the multitude of HEINOUS THINGS YOU SAY ticked 'em off. Bwahahahahahahaha! Seriously, how could you tick anyone off??? I can't imagine it ever happening. Not ever.

Sure is nice to see you again, you know. And I think you owe me an email... :eyebrows:

[wintersun99]

I've had it happen once too - either it was a mistake (hitting the wrong buttons), people are trimming their friends lists, or any number of reasons. I prefer to not take it personal, others can organize their profiles as they wish. I just deleted the unchecked friends from my list (and hopefully didn't delete anyone by accident!) :D

[Accolady]

Well, I brushed my teeth, check the underarms, even ran
the Hoover. But alas, nothing to worry about.

Certainly there are a multitude of wonderful folks on the site
I consider friends, in fact, everyone until you touch my chocolate
chip cookie dough. Then we have a problem.

:p

[Delila]

I seem to recall that some people have trimmed their friends lists because their blogs are perhaps becoming more personal than they'd want to share with the forum members at random.

Back when we made the switch, I remember being a tad put off when some people I'd considered definite LHC acquaintances didn't consider me 'friend' enough to let me read their blogs even though I'd been reading their journals on the old boards quite literally for years. Seems a tad standoffish and silly to me, since the old 'private' boards were open to pretty much everyone, even me, but to each their own.

I think also that sometimes people get a bit freaked when they get reminded somehow that the internet is NOT a private place, no matter what seeming limitations are placed on memberships and access. I've noticed a good many members deleting their blogs entirely (more than once), and can't help wondering what's up. (I tend not to know for sure, because sometimes we're not 'friends', LOL!)

[akurah]

My best guess would be predominantly user error, especially in cases where you're clueless as to why they unfriended you. That and/or server glitch.

I may have un-friended people accidentally before, I honestly don't know, but it wouldn't surprise me. The system is somewhat awkward. That and I'm obnoxious, so it's also possible the "un-friending" came from their side. No skin off my back as far as I'm concerned, as I can understand the desire for privacy even when it comes to people you may like. I like all my coworkers, for instance, but there's plenty I don't tell them, and the blog filtering/permissions is tied to the friends system, so.

[Calista]

FWIW, the privacy setings are not tied to the friends system. You can have friends, and you can have contacts, and both can read your blog if it is set to private.

I decided to "unfriend" some people recently and also explained my reasons in my blog. I added those people to my contact list instead,so they should still be able to read my blog, should they wish to do so.

[Delila]

Oh, and for what it's worth, some people told me that they didn't want me as a friend via PM, so it's not as though I got unfriended accidentally (or simply not made a contact, or whatever).

I totally get that the internet's sometimes a creepy place, with skeevy people in it doing peculiar things, so to anyone out there contemplating making changes in their privacy settings, trimming their friends list, or whatever it is you feel is necessary, just try to remember that some of the folks you don't 'know' at all, actually do care and hope the best for you, even if they never spend a lot of time chatting, PM'ing or posting comments in your blog.

I've learned a lot from the members of this forum, and am still quite grateful to others for having discussed their haircare travails in useful ways, but I do have to say that I find some of this un-friending / blog deletion stuff a bit odd, particularly when it happens over and over.

If you're an intensely private person in real life, act that way online too, it's likely to save others a good bit of confusion.

Edited to add: If you act as though you were a carefree extrovert, people tend to assume that's what you are, even if it's not true.

[Teacherbear]

I think we're still "friends" (as far as the software is concerned and as far as I can tell). I *know* we are still friends, though! :cookie: Will you share your cookie dough if I share my brownie batter? I'll even bring a gallon of iced cold milk!

[Accolady]

Aw, Teach, we are friends no matter what the system has to say.

You can have my cookie dough, my last pair of clean socks AND
I'd even share my late night bowl of cereal with you!

:beerchug: :beercheer: :hooched: :smooch:

[justgreen]

LHC glitch. I've had several friends that had to ask again, one of them being Pegs! It was like, Dude! We were already friends, what happened?

If you'll share that chocolate, I've got a bottle of chilled Rosa Regale (http://www.vigneregali.com/show/xmlsite/xml-standard.xml/xsl-vigneregaliwine.xsl/start_id-cnloeafnbmecddlmlbhdcgmfodeennnjgbenlcaf/)....it goes VERY well with chocolate.....:eyebrows:

[Carolyn]

KM, I checked and we are still officially "friended" here.

[ladiosaRosa]

Accolady, you are still alphabetically at the top of my 'friends' list. And now, I have to brush up on 'friends' and 'contacts'. I'm confused again. Sometimes, I still prefer the old TLHC. My bad?

[Teacherbear]

Aw, Teach, we are friends no matter what the system has to say.

You can have my cookie dough, my last pair of clean socks AND
I'd even share my late night bowl of cereal with you!

:beerchug: :beercheer: :hooched: :smooch:

:gabigrin: KarenMarie! :smooch: you crack me up! I was so afriad, thought that you were gonna offer your last pair of . . . underware . . . and that might have icked me out!!! I'm glad you said SOCKS! :misskim:

[justme]

I thought we were friends, but couldn't find you so just befriended you.

I also found that Pegs wasn't friended, only on my contacts list and I know I didn't do that. So I befriended her again, too.

[Accolady]

:gabigrin: KarenMarie! :smooch: you crack me up! I was so afriad, thought that you were gonna offer your last pair of . . . underware . . . and that might have icked me out!!! I'm glad you said SOCKS! :misskim:

Bwa ha ha!

No icky undies here, ever since I was able to afford my own undies long
ago, I treat myself well. Socks are not high on my list, but slippers, footies
and jammies, all the way!

I would also share my stuffed animals with you, as long as you don't
drool on them. :p

[angelthadiva]

I checked my friends list as well...Pegs was not on it, so I'm taking it real personal! :draw:

Does anyone have a big fish handy?

[Isilme]

it's quite possible to unfriend members without even knowing it, I think if you just uncheck the box you can unfriend them. It's very easy to do if you want to got to someone's profile and then you accidental click on the pic instead of the text or something like that. I have never unfriended someone, at least not what I know of:)

[ladiosaRosa]

I just checked my friends list and found three members avatar's shown but the tic box was unchecked. I can't imaging how that happened. I still have to learn the difference between contacts and friends.

[Pegasus Marsters]

Errr if anyone worried about being dropped from my list I cleared it a while ago because there were SO many people on it that it was just pointless keeping my blog set to private, everyone could read it anyway. I'm trying to be a bit more picky now, where as before i just friended everyone. It's nothing personal, I just don't want people I don't really know reading my blog.

Check the 'friend' box to request me, I keep forgetting people to add myself -_-.

Please forgive me if I've forgotten to friend you. It's nothing personal, it's just hard to keep track of everyone here.