I give up (almost...open to suggestions)

[intothemist1999]

A couple of things I should have mentioned in the original post:
•Sulfate-free
•'cones-free
• the profile and signature photos are way out of date. I couldn't bring myself to change them because my hair looks so much better then!
______

I'm kind of at my wit's end what to do with this hair.

As I get older it's become more crinkly and also more dry. It's always been fine and floaty.

A few years ago I discovered the curly girl method and followed that and it seemed that there was something to it. My hair did in fact have a fairly distinct natural wave and sometimes even the odd curl... But it always looked awful. A big unruly mess in spite of my efforts. No one other than me would recognize it as "wavy".

I'm no longer interested in bothering to do daily styling (blow drying; straightening; curling) and I haven't done any of that for about five byears, so hoping to find something that is wash-and-wear.

Anything pulled back doesn't look great on me, but I might have to weigh a "not very good look" against "not very good hair" LOL

I've been coloring my hair (Herbatint, gentle colour) for a few years, but I try to only stick to the roots... And I'm extending the time in between as long as possible these days in the hope that it might help the hair.

I've had my hair layered for years in the hopes it would allow more spring (it didn't, it just looked like short, out of control bits), and now I'm growing it out to ideally one length (with the idea that'll be easier to care for).

Unfortunately the writing is on the wall, looks like a big frizzy pyramid ��

I'm trying to get back into the habit of oiling, but I find I can only do it as a pre-washed treatment as it doesn't seem to do much for me as a leave-in on the ends (and at worst it sometimes makes my hair look greasy). I used to do a lot of oiling, but maybe these days I need to commit to a long-term game plan.

There's a little brother and sister that go by my place on the way home from school and when I'm working in the yard I can see them giving me the side eye, like I'm "that" neighborhood crazy lady.

I've spent a small fortune over the last few years on product, and the only way I can get my hair to look it's best is to apply a lot of product and combing constantly while air-drying (I gave up blow drying maybe 15 years ago). Oh, I also use a satin pillow case.

So I'm at a loss what to do next.. feel like letting it do whatever it wants and tossing in the hair towel.

[bumblebums]

Lots going on here... A couple of simple things to try:

1. If you don't like your hair pulled up, try braiding it and leaving a few face-framing layers hanging out. It can be annoying on a hot day, but on the other hand it's a nice compromise between having your hair down in a non-severe style and up out of the way so you can forget about it.

2. A very simple point that's worth reiterating: with oiling, a little bit goes a loong way, especially on fine hair. It would only look greasy if you're using too much.

[intothemist1999]

Lots going on here... A couple of simple things to try:

1. If you don't like your hair pulled up, try braiding it and leaving a few face-framing layers hanging out....

2. A very simple point that's worth reiterating: with oiling, a little bit goes a loong way, especially on fine hair...
Thank you for the insights! By way of a test I pulled back the top half and pulled out some layers and it's not bad! The layers are a bit awkward because they have been growing out... But I like this idea and I might tweak the layers to suit :)

[Shorty89]

I always remember your hair as pretty but I think our meet was in 2010 or something so it's been a while. How long is it and can you post a pic? That might help although I don't know much about curls. Maybe doing something like rolling in curlers overnight could help it sit better.

[Bat]

Texture changes arent that very fun that's for sure! It could be a length thing, mine grows onwards before downwards

[stardust lady]

Do you ever use a clarifying shampoo to remove all the product build-up?

[lapushka]

What I do (not saying you should :)), is I just put it up in a peacock twist. Recently, I had to cut back from sig-pic length / classic to BSL (around that length marker, good enough). Anyway. It's far more "loose" and also casual looking than a tighter bun is on me. And I have to say... I love it. I love my hair BSL now. I do have a different "method" for cutting layers, it's "the Rachel", in fact. You make 2 piggy tails to the side of your head, smack dab in the middle; go to a considerable length and cut. Both sides, evenly. Then you Feye-cut it straight in back, just to get the straggly bits gone. I looove it to bits! So easy, and it brings out some wave. I have had ringlets (my wispy bits to the side of my face are all coils), non stop, ever since I got more and more into styling this (shorter) hair.

I hope you can find something that works for you. I also tried CG. I could not deal with the sulfate-free and detergent-less Spiel, so quit that rather fast. I just now regular shampoo / condition, and just style my hair/waves into place. I mean, yeah, it's always going to look unruly. But my hair is up in the peacock twist like 24/7.

I think I had about 75% breakage in the mid-lengths to ends, (oddly enough it started to break off about 1cm to 1inch after the gathering of the bun hair), so like if you would have put an elastic down for a ponytail, a bit beyond that. It's still so weird to me. :( Thickness *is* coming back, gradually, slowly, but would not have expected otherwise. Glad to see it's making progress, though.

Have you tried just wearing it up some more, peacock twist is good for anything! I promise you, and if it's too long, just log roll it. It's 2 amazing, breakage-free (well, so far, on *me*) styles.

[Bat]

I like a good peacock twist!

[cookies]

I’m not a fan of the peacock twist :D I don’t like how it looks on me that much and I don’t like big claw clips because there’s always hairs that manage to get stuck in the spring, especially when they’re hanging from a peacock twist.

My go-to is a French braid for wearing it up - I have more control over which pieces to pull out and how much so it’s flattering for my face.
And for air drying I like the rope braid - the braided part gets some lovely spirally waves, which don’t poof thanks to the twisting, and with a little bit of aloe gel on the crown that frizz gets tamed too. It helps with the triangle look which I get too :D though length has helped much more with that (for me it seems that happens around MBL/BSL, it’s still a triangle at APL)

[Kathie]

I think I can relate because I have a love hate relationship with the GC method.

I kinda like the results I get. But I also find I can become obsessive about trying to bring out more, or protecting my, texture. The obsession can really bring down my mood.

When I'm not doing the CG method I simply wash, condition, partly dry in a normal towel turbin, comb while damp, and let air dry while I go about my day.
I get large waves rather than any S-shape pattern.

I also like wearing it pulled back with a headband or clips. Or tied up with layers free around my face, like bumblebums said.

I like using a headband or clips because most of it is down but I have some control over how it looks by how I position the clips or headband.

I hope this helps :)

(Ps are you sure the kids are looking at you because of your hair?)

[cadaverinna]

Your profile info on the left side says 19", which I've converted to cm(~48), so I'm guessing you're around APL, if that's updated. I second on a braid w some tendrils, specially since you have layers, so you can disguise them easily w french braiding.

I'm a great supporter of silicones and the ColorWow DreamCoat -- which I've seen many type 2 and 3 girls saying they love it, used w or w/o heat. It'll help w the flyaways and if you add a little more hold to your CG routine(gels, mousses etc), in addition to that satin pillowcase, you can stretch your washday styling up to your next wash.

Rinse out oil(ROO) is also a good thing to try in your situation. You've mentioned it might get greasy sometimes when you apply oil to your dry hair, so I'd say start w a lightweight oil like jojoba or sweet almond. Oil is indeed the best thing along w silicone for such cases, so try to go for more emolient hair masks, which you can use in every single wash, if you feel it's best(I do!).

About the kids... I'm a latina so I only have one advice: yell at them.
https://s2.glbimg.com/2-vRSb3EOC71GNai7l3tXiVN6pw=/512x320/smart/e.glbimg.com/og/ed/f/original/2019/04/05/captura_de_tela_2019-04-05_as_09.31.53.png

[lapushka]

LOL at the kids comment. I'm Belgian (Spanish roots). I tend to use my mouth as a tool as well. :lol: ;) :p Yeah, I don't tolerate nonsense, people. Move along. Kids staring at me? I will just up front ask them, "what are you staring at me for?" (politely), then if they are rude, that's what they're gonna get right back. ;)

[Lady Stardust]

If I think people are staring at me, I smile at them. They either smile back, because they were just looking and didn’t realise they were staring, or they don’t. If they don’t I just shrug it off.

I used to be less benevolent about it, but my attitude changed when I went to India and I found that people stared at me a lot. I smiled, sort of nervously, and got the most amazing, genuine smiles back in return. It was purely that not many white Western women came their way, and they didn’t mean to stare.

I sympathise about the more flyaway hair, mine is doing that more and more as I get older. It has always been quite flyaway though and I find that babassu oil pre-wash doesn’t make my hair greasy, but gives it a bit more weight. Moisturising shampoos work best for me as they weigh my hair down a bit, and a lightweight leave in conditioner helps too.

[tuanyiji]

Other have provided some very good points. And here is my two cents.
On days that when you don’t feel like doing hair or on any bad hair days, just wear a soft hat/bonnet or a hair scarf. The less manipulation, the better.
Benign negligence is the best hair care tip.

[Für immer]

What I do (not saying you should :)), is I just put it up in a peacock twist. Recently, I had to cut back from sig-pic length / classic to BSL (around that length marker, good enough). Anyway. It's far more "loose" and also casual looking than a tighter bun is on me. And I have to say... I love it. I love my hair BSL now. I do have a different "method" for cutting layers, it's "the Rachel", in fact. You make 2 piggy tails to the side of your head, smack dab in the middle; go to a considerable length and cut. Both sides, evenly. Then you Feye-cut it straight in back, just to get the straggly bits gone. I looove it to bits! So easy, and it brings out some wave. I have had ringlets (my wispy bits to the side of my face are all coils), non stop, ever since I got more and more into styling this (shorter) hair.

I hope you can find something that works for you. I also tried CG. I could not deal with the sulfate-free and detergent-less Spiel, so quit that rather fast. I just now regular shampoo / condition, and just style my hair/waves into place. I mean, yeah, it's always going to look unruly. But my hair is up in the peacock twist like 24/7.

I think I had about 75% breakage in the mid-lengths to ends, (oddly enough it started to break off about 1cm to 1inch after the gathering of the bun hair), so like if you would have put an elastic down for a ponytail, a bit beyond that. It's still so weird to me. :( Thickness *is* coming back, gradually, slowly, but would not have expected otherwise. Glad to see it's making progress, though.

Have you tried just wearing it up some more, peacock twist is good for anything! I promise you, and if it's too long, just log roll it. It's 2 amazing, breakage-free (well, so far, on *me*) styles.

Great that you found what works for you, and that your thickness are coming back. :cheer:

Hope that your don't take this question negatively, but how come you haven't updated your current hair length below your avatar?
Just curious. :)

[SandyBottom]

I like to use a bit of moisturizing conditioner on damp or wet hair as a leave in, just on the lengths. It helps add and retain moisture without making it look greasy.

[intothemist1999]

So many wonderful responses! I will read through them and get back to each :)

[intothemist1999]

I always remember your hair as pretty but I think our meet was in 2010 or something so it's been a while. How long is it and can you post a pic?....

Where does the time go?! Definitely my hair used to look better lol the photos on my profile are out of date, but I just like them so much... I long to have hair like that again!

Its been such a long time since I posted a picture, I have forgotten how! lol have to review the info and do that!

Thanks for the reply!

[intothemist1999]

Do you ever use a clarifying shampoo to remove all the product build-up?

You know what, I have forgotten to lately! Normally I do it every time I touch up my roots, but I haven't the last few times. Thanks for the reminder!

[intothemist1999]

What I do (not saying you should :)), is I just put it up in a peacock twist. Recently, I had to cut back from sig-pic length / classic to BSL (around that length marker, good enough). Anyway. It's far more "loose" and also casual looking than a tighter bun is on me ... I do have a different "method" for cutting layers, it's "the Rachel", in fact. You make 2 piggy tails to the side of your head, smack dab in the middle; go to a considerable length and cut. Both sides, evenly. Then you Feye-cut it straight in back, just to get the straggly bits gone. I looove it to bits! So easy, and it brings out some wave...

Thank you so much for the wonderful ideas! I haven't done a peacock for a long time but I will give it a try And it will give me an excuse to use some of my wonderful accessories!

I've never heard of the rachel trim method, I will give that a try! Just so I can picture it properly, should each pigtail be sticking out the *sides* of the head? Thanks again!

[intothemist1999]

...
And for air drying I like the rope braid - the braided part gets some lovely spirally waves, which don’t poof thanks to the twisting...

Oh, interesting! I will definitely try that, thanks! :)

[intothemist1999]

...
I like using a headband or clips because most of it is down but I have some control over how it looks by how I position the clips or headband...

I hope this helps :)

(Ps are you sure the kids are looking at you because of your hair?)

Well, to be fair I don't know for certain, but I always get the feeling they don't take their eyes off me and they're skirting past me/ my place to get away from the wicked witch of the west :rollin:

Thanks for the ideas, I haven't used a hair band or clips for a long time so I will give it a whirl!

[intothemist1999]

I apologize if my reply has posted once or even twice - I rotated the phone and it seems to keep removing my reply before I can post it.




...I'm a great supporter o ColorWow DreamCoat -- ...

Rinse out oil(ROO) is also a good thing to try in your situation...

About the kids... I'm a latina so I only have one advice: yell at them.



:rollin: lol I love it!

I hadn't heard of the CWDC, so I will look into it.

Yeah, I have to get back to loving oil! Thanks for all the ideas! :)

[intothemist1999]

Update:

Tried a couple of things differently yesterday:

1) Went back to CO.

I had stopped doing that out of habit because when I was on CGM as I was stretching out the washes several days of my scalp always needed like it needed shampoo at that point. I'm going to try shortening the time between washes and sticking with CO.

2) loaded the damp hair up with A TON smoothing cream when I let it down from the towel.

It's less frizzy and definitely hanging better.


A couple of things I should have mentioned in the original post:
•Sulfate-free
•'cones-free
• the profile and signature photos are way out of date. I couldn't bring myself to change them because my hair looks so much better then!

[ETJ CURLS]

I’m not a fan of the peacock twist :D I don’t like how it looks on me that much and I don’t like big claw clips because there’s always hairs that manage to get stuck in the spring, especially when they’re hanging from a peacock twist.

My go-to is a French braid for wearing it up - I have more control over which pieces to pull out and how much so it’s flattering for my face.
And for air drying I like the rope braid - the braided part gets some lovely spirally waves, which don’t poof thanks to the twisting, and with a little bit of aloe gel on the crown that frizz gets tamed too. It helps with the triangle look which I get too :D though length has helped much more with that (for me it seems that happens around MBL/BSL, it’s still a triangle at APL)

I second this! If you are struggling with your natural texture, intothemist1999, setting your hair into a style can be much more easier for you to manage on a daily basis. In the naturally curly community we call it a braid-out.

After you've washed your hair use some setting foam (or cream/butter, whichever your hair can best tolerate) to braid up your hair, either in a french braid, two dutch braids, or 2-8 regular braids. (The more braids you do, the more definition you get.) Let this dry completely (either using a hooded dryer/diffuser or overnight) and then gently undo for a beautiful result.

It may take some trial and error to figure out what products and braiding method will work best for you, as well as a little bit of planning if you want to wear your hair out, but set correctly, your braidout should last anywhere from 3-7 days if you take care of it overnight (rebraiding, banding, or bunning loosely etc.)

Also, make sure you're properly cleansing your hair; sometimes the practices in the CGM can lead to buildup, which can lead to your hair not behaving as it should. Two great youtubers (who have different but equally useful hair advice) that I would recommend watching are Manes by Mell and The Blowout Professor. Hope that helps and you're able to get back to enjoying your hair!

[intothemist1999]

ETJ Curls, thank you so much for the advice! :)

[ETJ CURLS]

ETJ Curls, thank you so much for the advice! :)

You're welcome! Hope you figure out what works for you!

[-Aithne-]

I just started using a silk pillowcase and silk bonnet and my hair is so much softer and much less dry! I'm so happy and excited about it and have been telling everyone I know about them! I totally recommend! It makes my hair so much softer and I have a lot less tangles. And if you pull the bonnet on your eyebrows it won't fall off in the middle of the night even with lots of long or heavy hair (took me three weeks to figure this one out XD). The silk pillowcase is heaven...but I don't know that it helps that much but some threads here says it does. The bonnet helps me a lot more than the pillowcase...but the pillowcase is so soft and it helps me sleep...good sleep = good hair?

It looks like your hair is a bit curlier than mine so this might not help you, but just in case... Mine is wavy (just barely 2a), but I comb it straight after washing. I also use a porcupine brush with white bristles. The white bristles make my hair really soft and are really gentle on my scalp. It really made a difference.

I also leave my regular conditioner in for five minutes before washing it out (and I comb the conditioner into my hair with a wig comb -wig combs have big spaces between the teeth) to get it distributed well). It really makes a difference versus washing the conditioner right out.

I hope you find something that works for you. It feels bad when your hair feels bad so much *sympathy*