Anyone else dislike how they look with their hair pulled back?

[BuddhaBelle]

Bit of a weird one with some whinging but would appreciate inputs/thoughts.

After cutting a fringe in, regretting it, cutting it back in a different way, regretting it about 5 times now, my “fringe” is now two chin length side pieces. Which, I’ve very recently realised, can finally be pulled up into a bun without pins! But… I also realised I don’t actually like how I look with my hair pulled back, lol.

I think this was part of the reason that fuelled the almost hip to collar bone length 12 inch cut last year because, on top of wanting to get rid of the bleach, I was just not liking how I looked with my hair up, and wearing that length down often wasn’t really an option.

I guess I like how I looked the most with shorter hair as it framed my face well, but I like the actual hair better longer. Plus having a fringe comes with the upkeep which is such a pain and I hate the extra washing and styling.

So I find myself in a tough position where I love my longer hair, and the caring for it and experimenting with buns, but I don’t like how I look with it half the time. (Especially when I’m wearing my glasses).

Also, at the moment I’ve got major breakage around my face from stupidly tightening my ponytail during exercise before I had enough length for a secure bun.

Apologies this is very rambling (plus I’m PMSing so it doesn’t help LOL) but I’m curious if anyone else has the same. I think this relates heavily to a weird self consciousness around expectations of how I should look as a younger woman despite feeling completely out of touch with this my age haha, comparing myself to those around me, etc etc.

[Croww]

Recently, I cut the sides of my hair around chin length. I also dont pull my hair back tightly, keeping it messy but still protected. Tbh im more confident with my hair loose but I freak out when I'm outside in the cold, windy weather. My need for long hair with minimal split ends is higher then my need to feel confident. Having bangs, side bangs, face framing layers, etc, can really make a updo look cuter!!


I think the most important thing is that you feel happy with your hair. Feeling confident is also important. But I really get where you're coming from! I hope you will feel better about your hair on the future. :)

[lithostoic]

I don't like how I look, at all, period. I just do whatever I want with my hair because it doesn't matter either way

[lapis_lazuli]

I've learned to like it with a couple of adjustments I've made over the years. One, I make the bun high enough so that the top is visible from the front. Two, I have these short pieces that always fall out in front of my ears, which help soften the look but can also go wild and look disheveled. I solve that by wetting each of them down so that they dry in a soft ringlet, from my natural texture.

We tend to perceive ourselves just as what we see in the mirror, but other people see us from all angles, so knowing my bun looks good from the back and both sides makes me forget any reservations about how I look from the front.

[rosenester]

I grew out childhood bangs and kept long hair with no bangs through to my early 20’s, where I experimented with every cut and color :lol:

I distinctly remember back then disliking how I looked with my hair tied back and settled on bangs somewhere in the experimental hair phase. However, upon looking back at photos of myself with long hair tied back I look beautiful. (Enough that I recently considered growing out my current forever bangs). I couldn’t see it in real time, I was overly critical and fell into strange beauty norms of the time like only stick straight hair and over-plucked eyebrows thin as a line — thank GODt they mostly grew back after that abuse.

I however enjoy having bangs as a part of my hair to fuss over and trim every month, let them dry different every time (i do not attempt to style them :lol: … so I have bangs now for 15ish years and plan to keep them!

Anyways , that’s my ramble response, I don’t know my point :rolling:

maybe we should smash our mirrors, stop taking selfies and only check reflection in pools of water. :bounce:

[lapushka]

OP, never do anything when PMS'ing! Or, on your period!

That being said. I cut back to bra strap right before the NY (has it been that long already), and wear my hair in a loose peacock twist now (more out of necessity than anything else (breakage due to tight bunning)). Anyway. I was classic for such a long time, the bun, the library lady look (we should name that one LLL LOL) ;) and I didn't know anything else. But I suffered breakage due to bunning my hair way too soon and twisting too tightly. It's sad but it is what it is. And I much prefer the "looser" look, where hair is peeking out up top making the look a lot softer on my face.

Yeah, I think maybe... what about long side-swept bangs? Have you tried those?

[shelomit]

I hate the way my hair looks pulled straight back (i.e., without a part). My hairline is very uneven. So I wear a center part all the time, which is how my hair seems to prefer to fall anyway. But I care much more about keeping my hair out of my way than whatever I wind up looking like XD


Two, I have these short pieces that always fall out in front of my ears, which help soften the look but can also go wild and look disheveled. I solve that by wetting each of them down so that they dry in a soft ringlet, from my natural texture.

I have one slow-growing patch at the right side of my hairline that I do the same thing with! On its own it wants to turn into a weird puff of frizz sticking almost horizontally out from my head, but if I pull it out and wet it down, it ringlet-fies as it dries.

[mochichichi]

My hairline is uneven and all the sides of my hair look crazy because I have a large number of baby hairs that never seem to become non-baby hairs. I used to really hate this because I thought it made me look disheveled and I wanted a sleeker look, but no amount of gel or product could tame them. I've gotten used to them over time, and don't really mind them anymore. The "corners" of my hairline are much farther back than anywhere else and that bothers me sometimes. I was on the super tight high pony train for a while though, so that might be my own fault lol.

Maybe doing one of those little loose volume "poofs" as a half up before you pull everything into a pony would help? It can soften the hairline a little bit. Or the thing some folks do where they part the hair and twist the sides back into their do--I think it looks pinned up side bangs-y but isn't really bangs.

[Sigrid]

I think it's just a matter of getting used to it. :)

If you've always seen yourself one way, it can take a long time to adjust to a different look. I love the way I look with my hair pulled back now, but it probably took me at least a year to grow accustomed to the look of buns.

[Bri-Chan]

I don't like it and I never will.
I don't even think is about getting used to it because I wear my hair that way almost everyday in the last 2-3 years. I don't like how my face look and I don't like the look of a bun in general. I don't look put together, I look messy. It definitely puts down a whole look. I don't have a solution. Keeping out some face framing pieces can help, but hair down is always better.

[Gwendolynn]

Growing up with super straight fine hair I always wore it down covering my ears. I think I used to be really selfconscious about them being so pointy (how the times have changed my views, I really like my ears now) and my face looking very thin and odd with my hair pulled back.
Now that I am a bit later in life and have started to take better care of my hair by trying to keep it up or at least contained. I have noticed that I mind less and less how I look with everything pulled back. It is a day by day thing though and there are days where I wear my hair either half up or completely down just to have some softness around my face, having a grown out fringe a bit longer than chinlength is also a big help in making my face feel less sharp and exposed.

My biggest help was glasses though! I went from these very straight rectangular "librarian" glasses to something softer and rounder and it really helps me. Also not looking into mirrors and just going about my day, enjoying not having hair in front of my eyes, but that works for me, ymmv.

[Duchess Fuzzy Buns]

One thing that helps me with the "boring from the front" look of buns that I haven't seen mentioned on this thread yet is fun, dangly earrings. Adds a little interest/color around your face. :)

[Kat]

Oh yes. I don't like it... from the front (the way most people will see me), I look like I'm bald or have very short hair. I mean, the reason I grew my hair out is that I don't look good with short hair. And the prospect of being mistaken for a man is also not appealing. I know I look much better with my hair down.

But, I also don't like my hair always in my way and all over the place (including when my hair was shorter; that looked awful too and it was too short to pull back and get out of my way; another reason I grew it out), so I just deal with it. I can't think of any way to make it obvious from the front that I have hair/long hair. (I *am* currently wearing it where I twist the sides back from the hairline-- I have a center part) and that gives it bit of volume and helps keep the wispies contained, but it only helps slightly.)

I've just never been pretty or feminine-looking in my features and I've just... gotten used to that fact. There's nothing I can do about it short of getting major/extensive plastic surgery to completely rehaul my face and even bone structure (and then we'd need to start talking about my body), so I just shrug and know I'm going to look like crap no matter what I do. So if I can't be attractive, at least I can be not annoyed by my hair.



One thing that helps me with the "boring from the front" look of buns that I haven't seen mentioned on this thread yet is fun, dangly earrings. Adds a little interest/color around your face. :)

Yup, and adds a bit if femininity to the look, too. I like the way I look in dangly earrings, but I never wear them anymore because mask gets in the way (when I made my masks, I didn't think to measure this aspect and with a small face, the sides of my masks go back far enough that they just cover the fronts of my ears, so if I wear dangly earrings, I always have to make sure when I put my mask on that they're not caught under the mask but sometimes they stick out funny from behind it. I've stopped bothering.)

[embee]

I do not care for my appearance when my hair is pulled back, never have cared for it... but at my age I do *not* like the look of loose hair hanging down, plus it all gets in my eyes and mouth and food and work, etc. How annoying. Not to mention the frightful tangles and mess.

So as mentioned upthread, earrings are helpful, as is a topknot or at least a high bun which can somewhat show from the front. I also have two hairsticks which have fancy ends and if those ends show from the front, that gives a break from the "bald" look.

For sure, getting used to the look helps.

[tuanyiji]

I do not care for my appearance when my hair is pulled back, never have cared for it... but at my age I do *not* like the look of loose hair hanging down, plus it all gets in my eyes and mouth and food and work, etc. How annoying. Not to mention the frightful tangles and mess.

So as mentioned upthread, earrings are helpful, as is a topknot or at least a high bun which can somewhat show from the front. I also have two hairsticks which have fancy ends and if those ends show from the front, that gives a break from the "bald" look.

For sure, getting used to the look helps.
Oh same here, I haven’t had bangs since kindergarten, I hate it when a loose lock falls and touches my forehead, ears, and even my nape. It’s so annoying when I’m focusing on work and sports. And I hate messy buns as well. If the hair moves when I move, that’s a no-no. I’m big on avoiding unnecessary hair friction and mechanical damage. Wear and tear? Nope. That’s why I get rid of combs/brushes/elastic ties, fingercomb only, oil every day, bun 99% of the time and use clips to catch the loosened hair. The result? I never have split ends and breakage anymore.

On the rare occasions that I let my hair down, it’s either filming a hairstyle tutorial, pre-wash, air dry, finger detangling, monthly photoshoot for measurements.

But what brings me joy is the endless possibilities of bun variations. I’ve learned and invented over 100 different buns here and I try to alternate the bun shapes and positions every day sometimes with accent braids, to improve my techniques and avoid traction damage.

Appearance wise, I’m very much a homebody and I don’t really care about my look, and I never do makeup. When I go out, I always wear a mask so it doesn’t matter anyway.

[Braided Lady]

One thing that helps me with the "boring from the front" look of buns that I haven't seen mentioned on this thread yet is fun, dangly earrings. Adds a little interest/color around your face. :)
I don't wear earrings, but this is a great way to make the front look better. If I have time I like to do some sort of French braid at the front, or kind of twist the front hair, and I rarely pull it tightly back. I normally leave a part and swoop the sides back so they aren't as tight to the head. Another thing I'll do is add decoration of some sort - a small comb, or pretty bobby pin, something like that.

[shelomit]

Also not looking into mirrors and just going about my day, enjoying not having hair in front of my eyes, but that works for me, ymmv.

Same, same! I'm very uncomfortable with my looks in general. The most helpful thing is to try not to fixate on them, instead to enjoy being comfortable.

[Alexandrina]

One thing that helps me with the "boring from the front" look of buns that I haven't seen mentioned on this thread yet is fun, dangly earrings. Adds a little interest/color around your face. :)

Oh yes this makes SUCH a difference! Totally changes your look

[spidermom]

One thing I like to do to add interest in the front is going from ear to ear and above my forehead with a lace braid or twists. In pictures, I really hate how I look with all my hair pulled back, but for everyday life, it's the most comfortable. Hair falling into my face and tickling my neck can drive me insane! That's why I have it long, so I can get it off my neck and away from my face.

[BuddhaBelle]

Recently, I cut the sides of my hair around chin length. I also dont pull my hair back tightly, keeping it messy but still protected. Tbh im more confident with my hair loose but I freak out when I'm outside in the cold, windy weather. My need for long hair with minimal split ends is higher then my need to feel confident. Having bangs, side bangs, face framing layers, etc, can really make a updo look cuter!!


I think the most important thing is that you feel happy with your hair. Feeling confident is also important. But I really get where you're coming from! I hope you will feel better about your hair on the future. :)

Oooo need to try these tips out. My fringe is at that weird length where I COULD wear it down but it just hangs there hopelessly, maybe I need to give it a lil style. Thank you so much.


I don't like how I look, at all, period. I just do whatever I want with my hair because it doesn't matter either way
If your hair makes you happy then I guess it doesn't matter!


I've learned to like it with a couple of adjustments I've made over the years. One, I make the bun high enough so that the top is visible from the front. Two, I have these short pieces that always fall out in front of my ears, which help soften the look but can also go wild and look disheveled. I solve that by wetting each of them down so that they dry in a soft ringlet, from my natural texture.

We tend to perceive ourselves just as what we see in the mirror, but other people see us from all angles, so knowing my bun looks good from the back and both sides makes me forget any reservations about how I look from the front.
Tried the bun higher tip and it really does help, thank you! And your last part is so true, people don't just see us from straight on.


I grew out childhood bangs and kept long hair with no bangs through to my early 20’s, where I experimented with every cut and color :lol:

I distinctly remember back then disliking how I looked with my hair tied back and settled on bangs somewhere in the experimental hair phase. However, upon looking back at photos of myself with long hair tied back I look beautiful. (Enough that I recently considered growing out my current forever bangs). I couldn’t see it in real time, I was overly critical and fell into strange beauty norms of the time like only stick straight hair and over-plucked eyebrows thin as a line — thank GODt they mostly grew back after that abuse.

I however enjoy having bangs as a part of my hair to fuss over and trim every month, let them dry different every time (i do not attempt to style them :lol: … so I have bangs now for 15ish years and plan to keep them!

Anyways , that’s my ramble response, I don’t know my point :rolling:

maybe we should smash our mirrors, stop taking selfies and only check reflection in pools of water. :bounce:
Omg, this post spoke to me because when I look back at pics where I thought I was uggers I look FINE! I'm probably doing the same now. I do like the idea of fussing over the fringe when you phrase it that way. xD


OP, never do anything when PMS'ing! Or, on your period!

That being said. I cut back to bra strap right before the NY (has it been that long already), and wear my hair in a loose peacock twist now (more out of necessity than anything else (breakage due to tight bunning)). Anyway. I was classic for such a long time, the bun, the library lady look (we should name that one LLL LOL) ;) and I didn't know anything else. But I suffered breakage due to bunning my hair way too soon and twisting too tightly. It's sad but it is what it is. And I much prefer the "looser" look, where hair is peeking out up top making the look a lot softer on my face.

Yeah, I think maybe... what about long side-swept bangs? Have you tried those?
VERY TRUE! Ahhh sorry to hear about your damage, but hope you're enjoying the change a bit? I could try the side swipt, I have a cow lick so they always sit a bit weird on my face tbf. :l


I hate the way my hair looks pulled straight back (i.e., without a part). My hairline is very uneven. So I wear a center part all the time, which is how my hair seems to prefer to fall anyway. But I care much more about keeping my hair out of my way than whatever I wind up looking like XD



I have one slow-growing patch at the right side of my hairline that I do the same thing with! On its own it wants to turn into a weird puff of frizz sticking almost horizontally out from my head, but if I pull it out and wet it down, it ringlet-fies as it dries.
Ooo ringlets. I will try to bun with a parting next time.


My hairline is uneven and all the sides of my hair look crazy because I have a large number of baby hairs that never seem to become non-baby hairs. I used to really hate this because I thought it made me look disheveled and I wanted a sleeker look, but no amount of gel or product could tame them. I've gotten used to them over time, and don't really mind them anymore. The "corners" of my hairline are much farther back than anywhere else and that bothers me sometimes. I was on the super tight high pony train for a while though, so that might be my own fault lol.

Maybe doing one of those little loose volume "poofs" as a half up before you pull everything into a pony would help? It can soften the hairline a little bit. Or the thing some folks do where they part the hair and twist the sides back into their do--I think it looks pinned up side bangs-y but isn't really bangs.

Glad to hear you're okay with your hair! It's better to embrace something we cant change than fight it. I will need to try the poofy bits and play around a bit. Maybe looking up some old school hair styles will help?


I think it's just a matter of getting used to it. :)

If you've always seen yourself one way, it can take a long time to adjust to a different look. I love the way I look with my hair pulled back now, but it probably took me at least a year to grow accustomed to the look of buns.
Love this advice. Think I definitely need to give it a go before I commit to disliking it!


I don't like it and I never will.
I don't even think is about getting used to it because I wear my hair that way almost everyday in the last 2-3 years. I don't like how my face look and I don't like the look of a bun in general. I don't look put together, I look messy. It definitely puts down a whole look. I don't have a solution. Keeping out some face framing pieces can help, but hair down is always better.
I think we get scared to actually wear our hair down, but if it's here we might as well enjoy it :)


Growing up with super straight fine hair I always wore it down covering my ears. I think I used to be really selfconscious about them being so pointy (how the times have changed my views, I really like my ears now) and my face looking very thin and odd with my hair pulled back.
Now that I am a bit later in life and have started to take better care of my hair by trying to keep it up or at least contained. I have noticed that I mind less and less how I look with everything pulled back. It is a day by day thing though and there are days where I wear my hair either half up or completely down just to have some softness around my face, having a grown out fringe a bit longer than chinlength is also a big help in making my face feel less sharp and exposed.

My biggest help was glasses though! I went from these very straight rectangular "librarian" glasses to something softer and rounder and it really helps me. Also not looking into mirrors and just going about my day, enjoying not having hair in front of my eyes, but that works for me, ymmv.
Interesting input! I think my biggest problem is I WFH so am constantly looking at myself in the camera and picking my face apart. Need to stop this and I'd bet it would help!!


One thing that helps me with the "boring from the front" look of buns that I haven't seen mentioned on this thread yet is fun, dangly earrings. Adds a little interest/color around your face. :)

AHHH love this idea! Will give me an excuse to buy some new ones.


Oh yes. I don't like it... from the front (the way most people will see me), I look like I'm bald or have very short hair. I mean, the reason I grew my hair out is that I don't look good with short hair. And the prospect of being mistaken for a man is also not appealing. I know I look much better with my hair down.

But, I also don't like my hair always in my way and all over the place (including when my hair was shorter; that looked awful too and it was too short to pull back and get out of my way; another reason I grew it out), so I just deal with it. I can't think of any way to make it obvious from the front that I have hair/long hair. (I *am* currently wearing it where I twist the sides back from the hairline-- I have a center part) and that gives it bit of volume and helps keep the wispies contained, but it only helps slightly.)

I've just never been pretty or feminine-looking in my features and I've just... gotten used to that fact. There's nothing I can do about it short of getting major/extensive plastic surgery to completely rehaul my face and even bone structure (and then we'd need to start talking about my body), so I just shrug and know I'm going to look like crap no matter what I do. So if I can't be attractive, at least I can be not annoyed by my hair.
I think we're so expected to look a certain way sometimes and it's just best to do what we're most comfortable with. :)

[BuddhaBelle]

I do not care for my appearance when my hair is pulled back, never have cared for it... but at my age I do *not* like the look of loose hair hanging down, plus it all gets in my eyes and mouth and food and work, etc. How annoying. Not to mention the frightful tangles and mess.

So as mentioned upthread, earrings are helpful, as is a topknot or at least a high bun which can somewhat show from the front. I also have two hairsticks which have fancy ends and if those ends show from the front, that gives a break from the "bald" look.

For sure, getting used to the look helps.
Oooo the fancy hair sticks sound like a great idea!


Oh same here, I haven’t had bangs since kindergarten, I hate it when a loose lock falls and touches my forehead, ears, and even my nape. It’s so annoying when I’m focusing on work and sports. And I hate messy buns as well. If the hair moves when I move, that’s a no-no. I’m big on avoiding unnecessary hair friction and mechanical damage. Wear and tear? Nope. That’s why I get rid of combs/brushes/elastic ties, fingercomb only, oil every day, bun 99% of the time and use clips to catch the loosened hair. The result? I never have split ends and breakage anymore.

On the rare occasions that I let my hair down, it’s either filming a hairstyle tutorial, pre-wash, air dry, finger detangling, monthly photoshoot for measurements.

But what brings me joy is the endless possibilities of bun variations. I’ve learned and invented over 100 different buns here and I try to alternate the bun shapes and positions every day sometimes with accent braids, to improve my techniques and avoid traction damage.

Appearance wise, I’m very much a homebody and I don’t really care about my look, and I never do makeup. When I go out, I always wear a mask so it doesn’t matter anyway.
Can't wait until I can experiment further with buns. I had quite an arsenal before, but need the length back to try them again. :)


I don't wear earrings, but this is a great way to make the front look better. If I have time I like to do some sort of French braid at the front, or kind of twist the front hair, and I rarely pull it tightly back. I normally leave a part and swoop the sides back so they aren't as tight to the head. Another thing I'll do is add decoration of some sort - a small comb, or pretty bobby pin, something like that.
Maybe I will try some additions at the front. I tried to do some plaits the other day but they kind of just faded away into my hair :/


Same, same! I'm very uncomfortable with my looks in general. The most helpful thing is to try not to fixate on them, instead to enjoy being comfortable.
Great advise, thank you.


Oh yes this makes SUCH a difference! Totally changes your look
Will try it out!


One thing I like to do to add interest in the front is going from ear to ear and above my forehead with a lace braid or twists. In pictures, I really hate how I look with all my hair pulled back, but for everyday life, it's the most comfortable. Hair falling into my face and tickling my neck can drive me insane! That's why I have it long, so I can get it off my neck and away from my face.
Ooooooo love this idea. :)

[lairiel]

OP, I totally felt the same way for most of my first hair growing phase- my forehead is not my favorite thing to look at and my face is round, so anything pulled straight back just didn't look right to me...
Others would compliment my hair but I didn't have much self-confidence.
Fast forward to getting bangs and now I don't even worry about it at all, I wear it in a plain ponytail all the time and feel confident.
For me the bangs/fringe helped so much and I don't think I'll ever look back, despite the extra maintenance.
But try and find something that helps you feel confident (be it finding a fringe that you like or wearing your hair loosely), that makes all the difference, from my experience!!
Also, agree with others that wearing a high bun that's visible from the front or adding extra details really helps. Or half-up/half/down if you can, which softens the look further.
Wishing you the best! :)

[angel-baby]

I have a high forehead, and I practically live in a French or Dutch braid. If I pull all of it back, including my bangs, I feel like it gives me pioneer woman hair, and not in a cute cottagecore way. In a "I'm wearing plain but clean broadcloth and about to churn butter all day" kind of way.
Double braids are fine without the bangs, but if I'm wearing any other braid, ponytail, or bun, I leave my bangs out and curled away from my face.

[stardust lady]

I'm a bit angular and hair pulled back can look severe. I like to take a little chunk of bangs out on each side of my face. I'm growing them out so eventually they will be very long lol. I noticed an ASMR artist I listen to to fall asleep styles her hair like this https://naibuzz.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/03/51316484_552916578545244_8427135333524468136_n.jpg , and my face is similar so I tried it. It looks pretty good! Definitely my go-to.

[stardust lady]

Interesting input! I think my biggest problem is I WFH so am constantly looking at myself in the camera and picking my face apart. Need to stop this and I'd bet it would help!!

Also I just have to comment on this, because I CANNOT see myself in a webcam. I feel so hideous and it bums me out for quite a while. I think most of us look so much better in real life! Lenses are extremely distorting, especially the closer you get to them.

I recently realized that you can usually turn off the self portrait view on video chat software, so that it doesn't show you your own video, and I always make sure to have it turned off!

[mermaid lullaby]

I'm there too, I didn't know you could turn off the self portrait view.

[Kat]

Also I just have to comment on this, because I CANNOT see myself in a webcam. I feel so hideous and it bums me out for quite a while. I think most of us look so much better in real life! Lenses are extremely distorting, especially the closer you get to them.

Yes. I've noticed that sometimes in photos, for some reason, my face looks really narrow and it also looks like my nose sticks way out (I mean, it does, but usually from the front it's not as obvious). And I do NOT look like that in a mirror (or sometimes in other photos). Or, when I went in for my orthodontic consult and they took pictures... I looked at the pictures after and I looked so hideous I wished I could ask them to delete them-- and I mean, when I look in the mirror I'm not nearly *that* ugly. And I've never figured out... is that what I really look like and my brain is just "seeing" me in the mirror as more attractive than I am, or is the camera doing something to make me look worse/I don't look as bad in person and dynamically as I do in a static photo??

[Aerya]

Yes. I've noticed that sometimes in photos, for some reason, my face looks really narrow and it also looks like my nose sticks way out (I mean, it does, but usually from the front it's not as obvious). And I do NOT look like that in a mirror (or sometimes in other photos). Or, when I went in for my orthodontic consult and they took pictures... I looked at the pictures after and I looked so hideous I wished I could ask them to delete them-- and I mean, when I look in the mirror I'm not nearly *that* ugly. And I've never figured out... is that what I really look like and my brain is just "seeing" me in the mirror as more attractive than I am, or is the camera doing something to make me look worse/I don't look as bad in person and dynamically as I do in a static photo??

No, the camera distorts your face. I read about it a long time ago and I can't remember the exact explanation, but it's definitely a thing. The lens gives sort of a "fishbowl effect" if I remember correctly, taking away cheekbones and making the face appear shapeless, while the nose looks bigger and more pronounced. Different lenses can be used to offset this.

Most people look better in real life, too, with some exceptions of highly photogenic people (think models, or people with certain angles that make them look very good), and of course excluding selfies in perfect lighting with filters over it. People don't see you as you look in a straight-on headshot, they see you moving around, from all angles, smiling, laughing, expressing emotions. :)

Think about standing in front of a mirror with a friend - they don't look any different in the mirror than they usually do! But in pictures, they often will have the same effect going, although it can be a little harder to tell, as we typically don't go around showing everyone those pictures of us! ;)

[stardust lady]

Here's a good article that explains all this in case anyone is interested in how it works https://oohstloustudios.com/the-science-of-the-selfie-no-you-dont-really-look-like-that

[ReadingRenee]

I have a high forehead, and I practically live in a French or Dutch braid. If I pull all of it back, including my bangs, I feel like it gives me pioneer woman hair, and not in a cute cottagecore way. In a "I'm wearing plain but clean broadcloth and about to churn butter all day" kind of way.
Double braids are fine without the bangs, but if I'm wearing any other braid, ponytail, or bun, I leave my bangs out and curled away from my face.

This just made me laugh out loud. I know just what you mean!

I have recently (past 3 months) cut myself some bangs and finally did a pretty good job where they look decent. Now I don't know how I went without them for so many years. I also have a high forehead. Wearing my hair down is one thing but wearing it back with no bangs, I feel like my face is just too much. It looks so harsh! I think my face shape has changed as I have gotten older. I love the softening aspect of bangs, and they give me natural body at the top of my head where I always need it. When I wear my bangs down, I actually like how I look with my hair pulled back most of the time.

[Kat]

No, the camera distorts your face. I read about it a long time ago and I can't remember the exact explanation, but it's definitely a thing. The lens gives sort of a "fishbowl effect" if I remember correctly, taking away cheekbones and making the face appear shapeless, while the nose looks bigger and more pronounced. Different lenses can be used to offset this.

Most people look better in real life, too, with some exceptions of highly photogenic people (think models, or people with certain angles that make them look very good), and of course excluding selfies in perfect lighting with filters over it. People don't see you as you look in a straight-on headshot, they see you moving around, from all angles, smiling, laughing, expressing emotions. :)

Think about standing in front of a mirror with a friend - they don't look any different in the mirror than they usually do! But in pictures, they often will have the same effect going, although it can be a little harder to tell, as we typically don't go around showing everyone those pictures of us! ;)

I wondered that, but I don't understand how sometimes it can happen and sometimes not, with the same camera and same angle...

[sofie]

Ugh, I feel it. Frontcam distortion is very much a thing but you may also have a form of BDD (body dysmorphic disorder) where your brain hyperfocuses on certain things on your face or body that other people don't even notice.

[stardust lady]

Ugh, I feel it. Frontcam distortion is very much a thing but you may also have a form of BDD (body dysmorphic disorder) where your brain hyperfocuses on certain things on your face or body that other people don't even notice.

I feel like BDD is a lens distortion effect that happens in your brain.

[Micayla47]

I 100% have all the same issues and on top of it my partner can’t stand how I look with my hair up — says I look like a school marm (which I am hahah). I’ve been wearing it down and it looks good, but I notice I’m not gaining length or thickness as much as I would be if I were wearing it up. I know because last time around LHC I wore it up every day and it improved a lot faster. I am a big fan of bangs but my hair is way too thin, especially around the hairline. So, I guess I will just wait…

[Kat]

Ugh, I feel it. Frontcam distortion is very much a thing but you may also have a form of BDD (body dysmorphic disorder) where your brain hyperfocuses on certain things on your face or body that other people don't even notice.

I would think that wouldn't be the case if I don't see it on every picture or in real life.

Unfortunately, when I was younger and to this day, I learned I was unattractive mostly by how other people, including boys/men, treated me, not so much by what I thought about what I saw in the mirror.

[bparnell75]

Can't believe I haven't posted on this thread before, because I hate the way I look with all my hair pulled back even in a mirror.
I can occasionally get the bun up high enough to change the lines around my face, like this side bun.
https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/51303802147_d804ddc931.jpg
If I am going out where I will see any one I know I do my mini gibson girl, like this
https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/51248310602_d2dc077dc6.jpg

[Jess9891]

Can't believe I haven't posted on this thread before, because I hate the way I look with all my hair pulled back even in a mirror.
I can occasionally get the bun up high enough to change the lines around my face, like this side bun.
https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/51303802147_d804ddc931.jpg
If I am going out where I will see any one I know I do my mini gibson girl, like this
https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/51248310602_d2dc077dc6.jpg

Your hair is beautiful bparnell75!

I'm not a fan of how my hair looks back either. When I'm at home I don't give a rip, but if I'm going out in public, I have to be careful not to make a bun or pony tail too high up. I have a gigantic head and it looks weirder if I wear it too high.

[influxx]

Can't believe I haven't posted on this thread before, because I hate the way I look with all my hair pulled back even in a mirror.
I can occasionally get the bun up high enough to change the lines around my face, like this side bun.
https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/51303802147_d804ddc931.jpg
If I am going out where I will see any one I know I do my mini gibson girl, like this
https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/51248310602_d2dc077dc6.jpg

Your hair is beautiful :love: I wish I could get that front swoop you've got going on!

[Kat]

I love that little Gibson-y pouf!

[AbbyJo]

Ugh yes. I have a high forehead (a five-head, lol) and I simply don't like my face in profile. But I've learned some things that help. I leave a few shorter face framing pieces out. I make sure there is volume in the front/top part by either clipping it first to create a little bump or adding a twist to the crown area. I discovered buns placed higher on my head look better from the front. I love the classy elegance of low buns but I haven't learned how to make them look good yet. Plus high buns are easier to drive in, and I always do my hair before I leave for work so. Win-win.

I second what somebody said about dangly earrings. And besides, I wouldn't wear dangly earings with my hair down for fear of tangles so pretty jewelry is a reason to wear my hair up.

I dislike how I look with headbands even with an updo- I feel like they give a funny shape to my head. Anyone else deal with this?

[embee]

I dislike how I look with headbands even with an updo- I feel like they give a funny shape to my head. Anyone else deal with this?

It depends on the headband. I wear calorimetries all winter long and it's always a shock in fall when I start and in spring when I stop. I look *so* different with this thing over my forehead and my ears. Takes a while to get used to the seasonal change. :)

[tsuki]

Yep, I'm currently growing out some long bangs I cut on impulse last June. They drive me absolute bonkers since they don't like to stay tucked behind my ear. They're especially a nuisance if I'm on day 3 or 4 without a wash, since their limpness always exposes me >:(

[lapushka]

Not anymore. I used to bun, but came to the discovery that a loose peacock twist suits me better, especially at my age.

[Priska]

With a tight bun I don't look good because of my head shape, because then you can see very little my hair from the front and I look almost bald 😄. But yesterday I tested a high bun after a long time, and when I make it LOOSE, not tight, and take out a few hanging strands (for example in front of my ears there is always shorter hairs growing) and fasten my bangs up with a clip with a volume, this hairdo actually easily shows my hair more from the front than many other hairstyles! But the bun really must be high and then I can pull hair out of the bun (not totally out but only so that it gives volume for the hairdo) from right angles and really I can make my hair look bigger that way.

[Priska]

Ugh yes. I have a high forehead (a five-head, lol) and I simply don't like my face in profile. But I've learned some things that help. I leave a few shorter face framing pieces out. I make sure there is volume in the front/top part by either clipping it first to create a little bump or adding a twist to the crown area. I discovered buns placed higher on my head look better from the front. I love the classy elegance of low buns but I haven't learned how to make them look good yet. Plus high buns are easier to drive in, and I always do my hair before I leave for work so. Win-win.

I second what somebody said about dangly earrings. And besides, I wouldn't wear dangly earings with my hair down for fear of tangles so pretty jewelry is a reason to wear my hair up.

I dislike how I look with headbands even with an updo- I feel like they give a funny shape to my head. Anyone else deal with this?

This was all just like me... But many times headbands make my head look longer and narrow. That doesn't suit me. But some headbands bring volume to sides, they are somehow wider, they look good and make me look good.

[Jonas]

Yes I’m the same, I have angular features so I look a lot better with a soft pulled back hair

[Chasemi]

I used to hate the way I looked with my hair up. But the more I do it the better I feel about it. Finding styles that suit your look and face make a big difference, and just seeing yourself with your hair up gets easier quick

[missmelaniem]

I usually wear my hair pulled back when at home and when I leave I put my hair in a messy bun on top of my head. Some of the strands fall out so it’s not a severe, pulled back look which I dislike on myself. I usually put some product in it to keep it from falling out… that texture/volume powder makes all of my hair more “grippy”. Most of the time I just spritz some Elnett UV hairspray on for a little more control without slicking it back.

[ETJ CURLS]

Sometimes I love it, and sometimes I hate it. Changing my part (or just having one as opposed to pulling all my hair back in one direction) tends to help. It also helps if style my bangs to add some interest to the front of my face, but then I remember I hate having hair in my face, so I pin them out of the way every other day or so, and get a fun faux pompadour style instead. Dangly earrings make a big difference too.

[fdyorhruzz]

I totally get it! I used to feel the same way, but I've learned to embrace my hair in a ponytail or bun.

[Priska]

It's such a pain, that I can't change my hair daily like clothes, that is true! Or then at least I should be rich enough to afford several quality wigs... :confused:

My bangs are now mostly so long that it looks ridiculous to keep them as face framing layers as other hair is up. But I guess that's my choice now... (I don't use them as face framing layers) I try to frame my face with my baby hairs but they are and stay short. Milkmaid braids help and other volumizing hairdos, like mini pigtails before pulling hair back (pigtails go into ponytail too).