I don't like my ii/iii hair (hair thickness)

[Ada-banana]

Hi guys,

I feel like this for a while now, and I feel a bit shy to start a new topic for this problem but here it goes.
I'm having trouble accepting my ii/iii hair. I see a lot of very thickhaired (mostly Indian) girls on IG, and I love their hair. It often comes till ankle or knee length.

My hair is very flimsy and thin in comparison, often i feel it will be ugly when my hair will be that long. Its a big insecurity, especially because my hair is still breaking at the ends, less than before, but still.

Also on the LHC I notice more compliments towards very long thickhaired girls, which is of course very beautiful.

When I put it in a braid, it's even thinner than my wrist. I feel a bit of shame because of this.

Do you have any advice how to love my hair as it is and not to feel sad because I don't have very thick iii hair. How do you deal with this if you experience this too?

Edit: I just measured my hair again and I'm now 9cm. That' means that my hair is thinning or I didn't measure correctly. I feel sad about this!

[Bri-Chan]

If your hair is thinning, I think you should think about your lifestyle and your health more in general. Is it significantly less than usual?

However, even 9 cm sound like a very good amount of hair.
I've way thinner hair than yours, always had. It's something I was very insecure about and I still am sometimes. It became more tolerable with time. I also think that looking for people with your same thickness can help you to appreciate your own hair, because I know how frustrating it gets when you only look at the thicker side. Indian (and similar) hair it's just one type of hair, not a model to follow. I know the narration sometimes in hair communities (on different types of social networks) put some pressure on the thickness and make you think that if your pony isn't 12 cm, your hair cant be as beautiful as others, but this is a very toxic behavior and outside this "hair world" people don't think at this as much as we do.

[Ada-banana]

If your hair is thinning, I think you should think about your lifestyle and your health more in general. Is it significantly less than usual?

However, even 9 cm sound like a very good amount of hair.
I've way thinner hair than yours, always had. It's something I was very insecure about and I still am sometimes. It became more tolerable with time. I also think that looking for people with your same thickness can help you to appreciate your own hair, because I know how frustrating it gets when you only look at the thicker side. Indian (and similar) hair it's just one type of hair, not a model to follow. I know the narration sometimes in hair communities (on different types of social networks) put some pressure on the thickness and make you think that if your pony isn't 12 cm, your hair cant be as beautiful as others, but this is a very toxic behavior and outside this "hair world" people don't think at this as much as we do.

Thank you bri Chan, I'm kind of in a panic now. When I look at your pictures you don't look like you have way less thickness, your hair looks really thick!

I should stop looking at these pictures. And yes, it is a bit toxic it's the same with body types and part of your bodies. You're right in this, I can feel that.

I just contacted my sister and I said I had just discovered my hair is thinning a lot, and she said yes I noticed that. Broke my heart. She said you will be all right, it will grow back, or maybe it's aging, maybe you should cut it though.

I know it is from stress. I had a super stressful time with sexual harrasment, someone close to me commiting suicide and losing my job. I'm now looking for another job. I feel I'm going uphill now, but this feels like a backstab when I felt that things are going well. My hair gives me a lot of pleasure, now I'm losing it and thinking of cutting it. I'm quite emotional about this now.

[Glitch]

If your hair is thinning, I think you should think about your lifestyle and your health more in general. Is it significantly less than usual?

However, even 9 cm sound like a very good amount of hair.
I've way thinner hair than yours, always had. It's something I was very insecure about and I still am sometimes. It became more tolerable with time. I also think that looking for people with your same thickness can help you to appreciate your own hair, because I know how frustrating it gets when you only look at the thicker side. Indian (and similar) hair it's just one type of hair, not a model to follow. I know the narration sometimes in hair communities (on different types of social networks) put some pressure on the thickness and make you think that if your pony isn't 12 cm, your hair cant be as beautiful as others, but this is a very toxic behavior and outside this "hair world" people don't think at this as much as we do.

Yep! Very much this. And further, to add to the bolded part, that IS my background, and my hair is still significantly thinner than OP's. So imagine how I feel hahah, surrounded all the time (even at home) by ultra thick hair while mine seems like a quarter of theirs. After all these years, it's still something I'm sometimes insecure about but I pull tons of tricks to amp up the volume of my hair and therefore it appears thick.

Overall, this is probably something I'll never totally get over BUT I don't hate my hair anymore, which is huge for me. I don't feel self-conscious anymore either next to someone with very luscious hair. It's taken a lot for me to get here, OP, but I know some day you'll be there too! I also have friends with hair that's drastically thinner than mine who wear hidden crown extensions (these don't damage the hair, it's like a tiara-style thing), which adds on some free thickness. For me, I often wear all my hair over a shoulder, and also use plastic spiral hair ties to basically double or even triple up my ponytail circumference. Stuff like that. I might even post a before and after, trust me, it's a huge difference haha.

Anyways, I guess my advice is to do whatever you need to feel comfortable, and then go from there. It's not realistic to expect to suddenly fall in love with your hair overnight so don't be too hard on yourself! Also, definitely unfollow those ultra thick haired girls on IG, it's going to do nothing but feed your insecurities further. I actually wouldn't follow any hair stuff for a good while, thick or thin, and not think about these things so much until I at least felt significantly better about my own hair. The comparison trap is long and endless, friend.

[lapushka]

Hi guys,

I feel like this for a while now, and I feel a bit shy to start a new topic for this problem but here it goes.
I'm having trouble accepting my ii/iii hair. I see a lot of very thickhaired (mostly Indian) girls on IG, and I love their hair. It often comes till ankle or knee length.

My hair is very flimsy and thin in comparison, often i feel it will be ugly when my hair will be that long. Its a big insecurity, especially because my hair is still breaking at the ends, less than before, but still.

Also on the LHC I notice more compliments towards very long thickhaired girls, which is of course very beautiful.

When I put it in a braid, it's even thinner than my wrist. I feel a bit of shame because of this.

Do you have any advice how to love my hair as it is and not to feel sad because I don't have very thick iii hair. How do you deal with this if you experience this too?

Edit: I just measured my hair again and I'm now 9cm. That' means that my hair is thinning or I didn't measure correctly. I feel sad about this!

Where do you notice that, and who are we talking of specifically? Because I have not seen it? Maybe I'm blind, IDK. Could be!

Honestly, girlfriend, have you seen your own signature? That is some gorgeous hair you got there. And maybe it's a good picture (I don't share my bad ones either, who does?) but still... I love your hair.

Grass is always greener, right? :) :(

[Glitch]

Adding on since I saw your first reply - I don't recommend to cut hair while in an emotional state! Maybe just tie it up and away for the time being. I used to chop my hair all the time whenever something awful would happen to me and well, I never really saw a good ending from doing that.

I'm so sorry about what you're going through. Sending you all my love!



Honestly, girlfriend, have you seen your own signature? That is some gorgeous hair you got there. And maybe it's a good picture (I don't share my bad ones either, who does?) but still... I love your hair.

Grass is always greener, right? :) :(

Also this!

[paulownia]

I have 7 cm ponytail circumference and my braid is thinner than 3 fingers:D. But it doesn't give me a heartache.
We all come in different shapes and sizes and so does our hair. Growing it long and seeing to its health, is for me a way to express my love for hair. And love means acceptance :D

[Suortuva]

Well, I understand how it feels to feel like this. My circumference is 6 cm, the best I have ever had was 7,5 cm and I will probably never reach that again, and my braid has the same thickness as one of my fingers, so browsing this site is sometimes a bit depressing, I can't deny that... But it helps to see other with similar thickness post pictures of their hair and appreciate it. It's still very frustrating that my updos never will be visible because the little hair I have compacts so much.

Maybe it could help you to know that your hair is still thicker than average? Though if it's thinning, maybe you should try to figure out what's causing it.

3 years ago I lost 1/3 of my hair during a 2 months period and I really don't know why (I visited a couple of doctors). I never gained my hair back, and then I had big shed this spring again.

[Bri-Chan]

Thank you bri Chan, I'm kind of in a panic now. When I look at your pictures you don't look like you have way less thickness, your hair looks really thick!

I should stop looking at these pictures. And yes, it is a bit toxic it's the same with body types and part of your bodies. You're right in this, I can feel that.

I just contacted my sister and I said I had just discovered my hair is thinning a lot, and she said yes I noticed that. Broke my heart. She said you will be all right, it will grow back, or maybe it's aging, maybe you should cut it though.

I know it is from stress. I had a super stressful time with sexual harrasment, someone close to me commiting suicide and losing my job. I'm now looking for another job. I feel I'm going uphill now, but this feels like a backstab when I felt that things are going well. My hair gives me a lot of pleasure, now I'm losing it and thinking of cutting it. I'm quite emotional about this now.

I'm sorry to hear you're going through such difficult moments. Yes, as soon as you'll mentally recover from this, it'll grow and come back to your usual thickness.
The photo in my profile picture is several months old actually, but back then my ponytail was 7,3 cm, now is more than half centimeter thinner.
A cut will not change your hair type, I second Glitch about not touching it while feeling emotional.

[Croww]

I get that its really hard, and that you can't help but compare your hair to others... But here is the thing. Your hair is so pretty! Look at that texture and length, it IS pretty, no matter the thickness of it. I wiiiiish I had that length! Don't cut your hair, especially not when you're emotionally not okay. Be kind to yourself, with everything that has been happening to you. Stress related hair loss sucks, but the hair WILL grow back. Try to practice some mindfulness, some self care. Reflect and breathe. You got this!

[lapushka]

I get that its really hard, and that you can't help but compare your hair to others... But here is the thing. Your hair is so pretty! Look at that texture and length, it IS pretty, no matter the thickness of it. I wiiiiish I had that length! Don't cut your hair, especially not when you're emotionally not okay. Be kind to yourself, with everything that has been happening to you. Stress related hair loss sucks, but the hair WILL grow back. Try to practice some mindfulness, some self care. Reflect and breathe. You got this!

Agree 100%. Cutting on an emotional roller coaster is not great, and the bad thing is that it's all you often even ever think about, so it's done faster than you think, especially if you have your materials right at home! Just don't do it! Your hair is lovely.

What is it with us women (because it's not the first post like this in a short time as well) that we have to be so hard on ourselves?

[SeppV]

I am half Norwegian half Kurdish, and my hair is 9 cm in circumference, as thick as yours. As a child, having pakistani friends, they would touch my hair and tell me how very thin it was! Funny thing was I felt my hair was thick up until then, because I usually compared it to Norwegian people. They would tell me that my hair was thick ;-)
Just a funny story to tell you that it really depends on what you are comparing yourself to...
As of now, I think 9 cm is on the thick side of average, and I have no problems what so every with my thickness. Personally, I wouldn't want thicker hair and I don't feel self concious about my hair thickness in any way.

Agree with Lapushka on the people with thick hair getting more compliments thing. I haven't noticed at all, and I have really been lurking through the "hair pictures" thread :laugh: But sure, I agree that people get impressed if they see a braid that is thicker than a wrist, haha. For good reasons. I wouldn't want that hair myself, but it's impressive to see someone with such thickness. I think perhaps your panic right now is making you see everything through these negative lenses, which makes you more miserable. Now, it's a fact that you like thicker hair than your own (I personally don't, I prefer the look of average thickness hair), and finding a way to deal with having less than what you find ideal will probably help you a lot! It's like accepting that a lot of women are prettier than me, it's just like that, and I have to live with that.

About thinning, I understand your anxiety on that one and hope that once your stress and eating habits get better, you will stop shedding. I have had major shedding after pregnancies, but now I am growing back all of that.

Good luck!

[spidermom]

We human beings are hard to satisfy. I feel insecure because my body isn't naturally thin. I gain weight easily, and it's hard to lose it. I can diet strictly for a month and lose 2 pounds, then have one crazy weekend and gain 4. It isn't fair.

That's life. I'm sure it doesn't help for me to tell you that I think your hair looks lovely, but I'm saying it anyway.

P.S: It's much quicker to dry and style thinner hair. Thick hair can be a pain! It takes forever to dry, for one thing.

[SandyBottom]

Ada-banana, I agree with what the others have already said and so sorry for the stresses you're going through. I also suggest not cutting it while in this emotional state. It won't make your hair thicker and you said your hair gives you a lot of pleasure, right? I encourage you to keep it. I get how discouraging it can be when comparing to others...I do it too, not just hair either. Appreciate what you have. You have beautiful hair with fantastic texture! Glitch suggested putting it up and away for now. I think that's good advice. You can still keep it and continue to get enjoyment from it but by being put away, it'll be protected and also not an "in your face" reminder of its thickness. Give yourself time to heal from everything:grouphug:

[mermaid lullaby]

I haven't seen anybody giving compliments on hair thickness on LHC either. I used to brag about my thick hair ..but I've changed, matured. Everyone changes, and life goes on.
Well, I'm with Spidermom, I'm insecure about my face because it's in no way photogenic! :o

My face has always been my insecurity. I have other great qualities and I try to focus on those, like helping people lift up heavy things for them. Or, taking time for people who lost a loved one. I try not to focus inward, but outward to the world. I figured out that the world needs a kind person in the world and I try to help however I can.

Think of the world as a garden, and each of us are a flower...
Some are lilies and roses but there are small flowers as well. The small flowers have to be content with themselves because they are beautiful in their own ways because they give food (kind words to the suffering) for the butterflies and hummingbirds. With no small flowers, the garden wouldn't have a variety of flowers in the springtime. So bloom where you are at, and do that well. We all have different aspects of beauty and we are all beautiful in our own way. Otherwise, we would all be roses and be the same.

[Ada-banana]

Hi guys,

Twice I've written and a long reply and somehow lost it, so here is the shorter version.

Thank you for your replies, each and everyone of you. Yes maybe I see things from a colored perspective and people with iii hair don't get more 'tuds' reaction on the LHC. I need to accept my hair as it is. My hair went from 10,5 to 9 cm, and it feels noticeably thinner. But I love doing and learning updos, I have my antler hairsticks which I rock and I still have to post photos of here and my hair is almost at tailbone when wet. I don't want to miss that, even if it is a loss of my pride. Live gives heavy blows sometimes and I had a lot of them this year. I can only deal with it.

My boyfriend seemed genuinely shocked when I was talking about my hair, I think he enjoys it as much as I do. He said that it was beautiful, it is thick and he promised to tell me when it wouldn't be beautiful anymore.

I'm not going to cut it, but keep it in a updo until I have accepted my thinner but nice ;-) hair.

I'm going to save this thread and look back when I need it, when I feel bad again about my loss. So thanks, I'm really touched by the kind replies and the supportive LHC community.

[Croww]

Happy to hear that! You can do this! So glad you decided against cutting.

[MusicalSpoons]

I've only just seen this thread, and the phrase "even thinner than my wrist" made me chuckle slightly - not in an invalidating way, because the way you feel about your hair is valid, but the notion of being able to compare hair thickness to a wrist is almost alien to me. My braid is 2 fingers' width at the top and about as thin as a blade of grass at the end (I'm not happy with the ends being that thin but I'm so close to my final ever goals that I'm just going for it).

I'm happy to see you've decided against cutting it, all cutting thin-ish long hair does is make it thin-ish shorter hair ;)

For what it's worth I think your signature picture is absolutely gorgeous :crush:

[mermaid lullaby]

Yeah, my hair isn't even close to wrist thick. I chuckle at that too.

Also, I love your curls and waves OP! And I was hoping that it did make you feel better and forgive me if it didn't. I just thought of a saying that someone once said and thought I'd share because it's a beautiful saying.

[vampyyri]

Hi guys,

Twice I've written and a long reply and somehow lost it, so here is the shorter version.

Thank you for your replies, each and everyone of you. Yes maybe I see things from a colored perspective and people with iii hair don't get more 'tuds' reaction on the LHC. I need to accept my hair as it is. My hair went from 10,5 to 9 cm, and it feels noticeably thinner. But I love doing and learning updos, I have my antler hairsticks which I rock and I still have to post photos of here and my hair is almost at tailbone when wet. I don't want to miss that, even if it is a loss of my pride. Live gives heavy blows sometimes and I had a lot of them this year. I can only deal with it.

My boyfriend seemed genuinely shocked when I was talking about my hair, I think he enjoys it as much as I do. He said that it was beautiful, it is thick and he promised to tell me when it wouldn't be beautiful anymore.

I'm not going to cut it, but keep it in a updo until I have accepted my thinner but nice ;-) hair.

I'm going to save this thread and look back when I need it, when I feel bad again about my loss. So thanks, I'm really touched by the kind replies and the supportive LHC community.

I'm so happy to hear that you're sticking with it :D Your hair is beautiful as it is!

Also echoing the sentiment from your boyfriend, I told DH to let me know when my hair was not looking its best and he was honest with me when I asked him while I was going through a major shed. I went from iii thickness down to i/ii at one point, it was coming out at an alarming rate. So your shedding doesn't seem major enough to warrant a chop imho, you still have a good amount there :p

[Kake]

This speaks to me, my already thin hair thinned more, and I have cut it to CBL. Best decision for me, and my hair. But 9cm seems so thick to me, perspective is everything.

[Ada-banana]

I'm so happy to hear that you're sticking with it :D Your hair is beautiful as it is!

Also echoing the sentiment from your boyfriend, I told DH to let me know when my hair was not looking its best and he was honest with me when I asked him while I was going through a major shed. I went from iii thickness down to i/ii at one point, it was coming out at an alarming rate. So your shedding doesn't seem major enough to warrant a chop imho, you still have a good amount there :p

Thank you, for your kind words! Yes it is so nice to have a reality check ready. Also when it's the other way around: when you hate your hair and it isn't nearly as bad as you think. I still feel very self conscious now, I only see thin hair, but trying to see the advantages, like easier to comb through. I'm constantly looking in the mirror now.
Wow that's a lot of hair you lost there, may I ask how this happened?

This speaks to me, my already thin hair thinned more, and I have cut it to CBL. Best decision for me, and my hair. But 9cm seems so thick to me, perspective is everything.
I'm really sorry this happened to you. Yes perspective is everything, I know women who are going bald, and here I am complaining about my hair, but it is such a great pride an joy to me. But I will accept this, just as I learning to accept my body day by day.

[Kake]

Thank you, for your kind words! Yes it is so nice to have a reality check ready. Also when it's the other way around: when you hate your hair and it isn't nearly as bad as you think. I still feel very self conscious now, I only see thin hair, but trying to see the advantages, like easier to comb through. I'm constantly looking in the mirror now.
Wow that's a lot of hair you lost there, may I ask how this happened?

I'm really sorry this happened to you. Yes perspective is everything, I know women who are going bald, and here I am complaining about my hair, but it is such a great pride an joy to me. But I will accept this, just as I learning to accept my body day by day.

I apologise for my bad wording, I realise I sound like I'm telling you off. My intention was to say that from my perspective 9cm is thick and beautiful, not to tell you that your feelings are invalid :blossom:

[vampyyri]

Thank you, for your kind words! Yes it is so nice to have a reality check ready. Also when it's the other way around: when you hate your hair and it isn't nearly as bad as you think. I still feel very self conscious now, I only see thin hair, but trying to see the advantages, like easier to comb through. I'm constantly looking in the mirror now.
Wow that's a lot of hair you lost there, may I ask how this happened?

Trigger warning: Eating Disorders


For me it was losing 120lbs over the course of 8 months, my ED goes in both directions. Once I snapped out of it I was trimming off a mile marker at a time from FTL over the past two years, and I got my thickness back and had a big chop up to APL. I'm maintaining at a healthy weight now so I'm sure that helps too :lol:

[Ada-banana]

I apologise for my bad wording, I realise I sound like I'm telling you off. My intention was to say that from my perspective 9cm is thick and beautiful, not to tell you that your feelings are invalid :blossom:

Thank you :-) I would not blame you if you did tell me off, it is somewhere a bit vain to worry about it.
@vampyrri oh wow that is harsh, to have to be trimming so much off! Weight loss is a dangerous and addictive trap sometimes. Your hair looks amazing though!

[Ada-banana]

I'm starting to think because I'm stressed again:
Maybe it's also because I cannot eat properly while stressed and lose weight, noticeably. It's happening again, and I can imagine that makes my body even more stressed and that I have shortage of important vitamines and nutrients

[Happymaman]

I'm sitting over here with less than half what you have (I'm right about 4.4cm (1.75in)). And I'm pretty OK with my hair. I do love other people's hair more than I love my own and if I could magically change my hair type, I probably would. But I don't fret about it. I do love my own hair.

Feelings are not rational. Just knowing that there's someone (me) out there with half the hair you have who loves their hair is not enough to have you wake up loving your hair all of a sudden. But I think the mindset of contentment with and appreciation for what you have can be cultivated over time. Setting boundaries for yourself to avoid triggers to the mindgame of comparison (IG) would probably be part of that, but maybe not. Gratitude practices around your hair may be a part of that, but maybe not. I think it's possible for you to love your own hair, or at least to love it more than you do right now. Take care of yourself. Take care of your hair. And the contentment will hopefully result.

[Ada-banana]

I'm sitting over here with less than half what you have (I'm right about 4.4cm (1.75in)). And I'm pretty OK with my hair. I do love other people's hair more than I love my own and if I could magically change my hair type, I probably would. But I don't fret about it. I do love my own hair.

Feelings are not rational. Just knowing that there's someone (me) out there with half the hair you have who loves their hair is not enough to have you wake up loving your hair all of a sudden. But I think the mindset of contentment with and appreciation for what you have can be cultivated over time. Setting boundaries for yourself to avoid triggers to the mindgame of comparison (IG) would probably be part of that, but maybe not. Gratitude practices around your hair may be a part of that, but maybe not. I think it's possible for you to love your own hair, or at least to love it more than you do right now. Take care of yourself. Take care of your hair. And the contentment will hopefully result.

You're absolutely right, I have nothing to add to this. Thank you for your comment. I want to learn to be content with myself. I've come from downright hatred and disgust to dislike, with sometimes panicky feelings, not only for my hair. There has been some improvement, but I'm known for being very hard on myself.