Back again, same problem as before big trim

[Ada-banana]

Hey guys,

I had to stop long hair community because my private life was so messed up (relationship ended, moved, new job, new house etc.) but I continued to look after my hair and keeped on lurking at LHC. But: my hair keeps on breaking at the ends, usually a bit higher than the ends.
I'm at a loss for what to do. I had a big trim because of damage a year ago, back to BSL, even above. My hair keeps on breaking on multiple places at once. My hair is better looking than ever because of me being experimenting with hair care (thank you long hair community) but sometimes I still have dry ends.

I start feeling like it's not possible for me to grow thick healthy hair. I'm now back again between BSL and waist. My hair seems to stop growing healthy and I feel like I will never reach my goal (classic).

Haircare routine:
- hair mask 2 times a week, after every wash
- wash, conditioner every 5 days or so and when I need an I between wash I CO wash
- hair is up a lot of the time, even in bed again
- hair leave in from Cantu
- under shower detangeling with Denham brush (because of curls)
- S&D but never helps
- trims every 5 months
- healthy lifestyle, eating and excersizing
- when I do remember I take vitamins
- I do have a lot of stress, although trying to contaminate this.
- silk pillowcase

I experimented with proteins and no proteins.
I recently discovered that my hair likes being wetted every day and CO and leave in conditioner, it helps with the dryness.

Please help me, I really love my hair but I cant seem to grow it healthy and long and I'm so jealous at people who do.

And a small question: would a size XXL flexi be too big for my buns? I have wavy, more thick than average hair between bsl and waist.

[Joules]

Three questions:

1) Do you use sulfates or silicones?
2) What do you wrap your hair in after washing?
3) What's your pillowcase made of?

[memeow]

I get ends snapping off sometimes and for me it’s definitely a sign of damage. I doubt that current stress/nutrition plays a role—at BSL it’s more the nutrition you had 3-4 years ago that matters. I’d be thinking back to what you were doing then. Even if you no longer use heat/bleach/dye, any of those things leaves damage that lasts as long as the hair itself. Then to me the next thing to look at is protective styling—even with no heat etc. if I wear my hair down too much I get breakage. Even if you’re consistently avoiding that now, that type of damage can also be cumulative.

Finally I do think some of us just have delicate hair that splits and breaks easily. I’ve seen people on these boards say they’ve only ever gotten white dots from heat styling—I get them all the time and haven’t heat styled in nearly a decade. Genetics plays a role in this for sure. I’ve got some silicon-based leave-ins specifically for damaged hair, which I think help a bit, but it’s definitely an uphill battle for some of us.

[Ada-banana]

@joules
1) I do both. It's hard to find a good shampoo and conditioner without.
2) my normal cotton towel. I do it carefully though
3) I Forgot to mention that I sleep on silk pillowcases, it really helps with the Frizz.

[Ada-banana]

@memeow I do think I'm really battling with dry curly hair, so that's why my hair breaks soo much. It's worse at the front and at the nape of my neck.

I'm still dealing with a lot dryness, but finally after 1, 5 years of learning about haircare, I'm getting better at moistering my hair (somehow my hair doesn't take it in). So I guess you're right.

It feels a bit unfair tough. Do you think it's still possible to grow long and a bit healthy hair, without too much tapering?

[Joules]

@joules
1) I do both. It's hard to find a good shampoo and conditioner without.
2) my normal cotton towel. I do it carefully though
3) I Forgot to mention that I sleep on silk pillowcases, it really helps with the Frizz.

Ok, my guesses were damage from pillowcases or buildup, but that's definitely not it, and the towel alone can't be enough to do so much damage :hmm:

[Lady Stardust]

It could be old damage? I got splits from minimal heat use (by a hairdresser). It didn’t split for years, but then it did.

I find that my hair gets damaged at night unless it’s up in a sleep cap. The side I sleep on most always had splits from around ear level downwards. I still have a satin pillowcase, for when it’s too hot for a cap or when the cap falls off, but containing my hair helps the most.

[lapushka]

Are the trims every 5 months big trims? Might be worth it to S&D instead in order to avoid the trims, just a suggestion, I don't even know if it's helpful in this case.

Do you use any chemicals on your hair (relaxers, including "keratin treatments", dyes, bleaches, those types of things)?

[Ada-banana]

Are the trims every 5 months big trims? Might be worth it to S&D instead in order to avoid the trims, just a suggestion, I don't even know if it's helpful in this case.

Do you use any chemicals on your hair (relaxers, including "keratin treatments", dyes, bleaches, those types of things)?

I let the hairdresser decide how much needs to go, usually between 2 or 3 cm. I was thinking the other way, maybe skip s&d (heard it sometimes makes it worse) and go more often to the hairdresser.

[Ada-banana]

It could be old damage? I got splits from minimal heat use (by a hairdresser). It didn’t split for years, but then it did.

I find that my hair gets damaged at night unless it’s up in a sleep cap. The side I sleep on most always had splits from around ear level downwards. I still have a satin pillowcase, for when it’s too hot for a cap or when the cap falls off, but containing my hair helps the most.

Yes it could be old damage from dryness. I did use a hairfryer (haha) 6 years ago, but I don't think this hair is still in my hair.
I have a nightcap. But bunning on a silk pillowcase works best for me.
My hairdresser showed me how thin my right side whisps are in comparison with my left side. So there is definitely sleeping damage. So I started to sleep with my hair in a bun again.

[lapushka]

I let the hairdresser decide how much needs to go, usually between 2 or 3 cm. I was thinking the other way, maybe skip s&d (heard it sometimes makes it worse) and go more often to the hairdresser.

You would end up with short hair, really fast. Yeah. Really.

[alewyn]

You said you detangle with a brush in the shower--do you use conditioner in your hair while you do so? If not, that could be a source of some breakage/damage. Wet hair is super fragile, and it can be harder to tell if you're being gentle enough because when the hair is wet, you don't hear or feel snapping like you do when it's dry. Conditioner is great for lubricating to make detangling easier, and providing some extra protection against the manipulation of detangling.

Also, even if you do have a silk pillowcase, I highly recommend trying a silk or satin bonnet if you're suspecting some damage is happening during sleep. I discovered that the reason I had so many baby hairs along my front hairline is that I sleep so aggressively I was literally pulling hair out at my hairline by the root through sheer friction. I started using a bonnet at the beginning of this year and lo and behold, my fuzzy hairline has grown out to the point that I no longer have a "halo" of wisps.

Saw you also mentioned S&D doesn't help. Do you have sharp, quality hair shears? Dull shears or scissors that aren't designed for hair can definitely do more harm than good, but nice hair shears should be fine.

[shelomit]

You mention you keep your hair tied back/up a lot of the time. Do you typically wear it in a braid, or tie off your braids in the same place? That's what "breaking off a bit above the tips" sounds like to me in the absence of any more obvious cause. I'm able to get away with wearing braids fairly regularly by varying the place at which I tie them off and the method I use to do so, but others on here have mentioned that they invariably get breakage from tying off braids.

[elaina]

Saw you also mentioned S&D doesn't help. Do you have sharp, quality hair shears? Dull shears or scissors that aren't designed for hair can definitely do more harm than good, but nice hair shears should be fine.

i was also going to ask this, and i want to add that you should take them to a professional to be sharpened if you already have proper hair scissors that are just dull, maybe you can ask your hairdresser who does their shears next time you go. trying to sharpen scissors when you dont know what youre doing can really mess them up.

[Lady Stardust]

I let the hairdresser decide how much needs to go, usually between 2 or 3 cm. I was thinking the other way, maybe skip s&d (heard it sometimes makes it worse) and go more often to the hairdresser.

If you have the right hairdresser, that could work well. I’ve had a hairdresser in the past who always cut off most of my progress, but my last hairdresser was understanding about gaining length and we discussed exactly how much would be removed. I grew from pixie to APL with trims at 6 weeks initially (until chin length) and then 12 weeks. When my hair got to APL I started to trim it myself.

[Glitch]

If you have the right hairdresser, that could work well. I’ve had a hairdresser in the past who always cut off most of my progress, but my last hairdresser was understanding about gaining length and we discussed exactly how much would be removed. I grew from pixie to APL with trims at 6 weeks initially (until chin length) and then 12 weeks. When my hair got to APL I started to trim it myself.

I had a very similar experience! However, OP's hair is between BSL and WL, so unless they're also really spacing out their trims, these trips to the hairstylist could definitely hinder growth retention.

OP, I also want to add that I haven't gotten a trim in almost a whole year now (but have done S&D sessions), and have read and discovered for myself that really, unless there's significant damage or one lives on the edge (i.e. using heat), I don't see the need for trims every couple months etc. I used to get trims all the time back when my hair was fried and I truly needed them, but at this point, I've noticed a massive difference at the speed of my growth (growth retention, really) by simply cutting back on cutting. Pun intended. ;)

I don't have much to say about the dry ends, though. A light layer of coconut oil after washes really helps me. If they seem a bit dry in between, I just repeat. However, that's basically the extent of my exp with dry ends. Otherwise, make sure they're tucked in well when you do buns.
I hope you figure it out soon, hang in there. :flower:

[Ada-banana]

Thank you for all the replies everyone!

It's difficult to answer and quote on a phone, so I will just answer like this.

Yes, when I detangle im particularly careful, I do it with lots of conditioner and finger combing before that, but then again, I'm only careful for 3 years now, I yanked the brush through dry hair before this.

I have really good scissors, but maybe they have dulled over the years. I think I will stop search and destroy for a while, see if this makes a difference.

I have a new boyfriend and the idea of having my brown ugly nightcap over my head while his beautiful head looks at me is not so nice. I rather have the few more damaged whisps, really.

And I used to like braids, but stopped wearing them when I discovered how much they rubbed against my clothes, so maybe this too is old damage from the time I liked double braids.

I will think about my hairdresser, visit sooner or not. I was really pleased she showed me my damage and asked about my brush, first time a hairdresser understands hair better than I do (this sounds so arrogant, but usually they yank their brushes through my curls without wetting it, I can hear them snap).

I'm going to keep on trying. My hair is getting better and better. It's a long process, this learning. I'm going to gift myself a fancy hairfork and two thick double antler sticks from etsy, after years of drooling over them to refresh and reward my hair journey.

Whats going on after reading all this: damage from before LHC and my battle against dry hair, still not defeated.

Thank you so much everyone, I really hope someday I will show an enormous bun here with a picture.

It's still my goal!!!

[Lady Stardust]

I totally understand the new boyfriend/sleep cap thing :) I’m sure a bun is just as protective. My scalp is a bit too sensitive for buns every night, which is why I go with the sleep cap, but I do buns when the weather is too hot.

Keep on doing what you’re doing! Your hairdresser does sound like a good one.

There’s a test for scissor sharpness, I’ll see if I can find it.

ETA: Here’s the information about scissors!


https://youtu.be/qIJ12aHaOWY

[MusicalSpoons]

How do you secure your buns / whatever other styles you use to keep it up most of the time?

As for the XXL flexi question, at your length unless you have super thick and coarse hair (like, 6+ inches ponytail circumference) it's probable an XXL would be too big yet. They are huge! Another member here with 4.5/5" ponytail circumference and curly hair used them between about his and classic, I think it was. Depending on how thick and compressible your hair is, you should probably try an L or XL - at least if the XL is too big you wouldn't have too long to grow into it (but the jump between XL and XXL really is vast).

[Ada-banana]

Thank you for the video!!!
Great

And musicalspoons: I think you're right. I have slippery weird hair so I think I will invest in a hairfork and two thick double hair sticks, I have doubts about the latter one. Will two hair sticks work as well as a hairfork? I like the look but I think I like the grip of hairforks better. But I also wear heels because it looks nice so maybe I will do this too with hairforks ;-)

I now always wear cheap plastic fake ficarre's from Amazon. I always flop my hair and then just clip it. I can run with it and everything, but I always clip it at the same spot. They break a lot and get snagged at my hair, even my boyfriend says I have to replace them for something better.

[Ada-banana]

I was just lurking in the henna tread. And remembered that I used to henna, I did maybe 7 times, maybe more. This was 3 years ago. Maybe my hair and henna don't mix well, that would explain the dryness as wel.

[Lady Stardust]

I have some henna left in my hair too and the difference in texture is very noticeable. The hennaed part is frizzy. I don’t think it dried my hair out but a couple of times I found the mixture too abrasive and hard to remove and detangle, and I think that caused damage.

The hennaed parts of my hair don’t do well with protein either. I’ll be much happier when it’s all virgin again.

[Ada-banana]

Yes, your story is very relatable to me. I won't use it again and let my hair grow virgin.

[RedIris]

Yes, your story is very relatable to me. I won't use it again and let my hair grow virgin.

My hair also hated protein when it was hennaed. Along with aloe and coconut oil. I had major breakage from the coarse, tangly texture of it and had to cut it all off before my hair started acting normally again, even after I stopped using products with protein (changing my products definitely helped but the henna itself was also an issue). So ya you might just have hair that doesnt do well with henna!

[Ada-banana]

My hair also hated protein when it was hennaed. Along with aloe and coconut oil. I had major breakage from the coarse, tangly texture of it and had to cut it all off before my hair started acting normally again, even after I stopped using products with protein (changing my products definitely helped but the henna itself was also an issue). So ya you might just have hair that doesnt do well with henna!

Yes I think this might be a major contributor to my hair problems. And maybe not tucking my ends in my bun carefully. By writing this thread I looked even more thurough in my hair care routine.