Feeling burnt out by my hair

[Kerrtu-Kevät]

I've been intentionally growing my hair for around a year and a half. In that time it's gone from apl to a few inches past waist and I've tried all kinds of Products, methods, wash schedules. Generally thinking about my hair a lot

Now I'm just tired of it, I have a basic routine that works fine but it's still hard to just let my hair be. I'm afraid that if I neglect my hair some I'll end up getting a lot of damage or stop growing I guess and it's causing a bit of anxiety. I'm afraid I'll end up cutting my hair because of this anxiety and I really don't want to because I do genuinely love my hair as it is now its just feeling like a burden.

Has anyone else gone through a similar issue and how did you deal with it?

[KokoroDragon]

I've gone through this to some extent. I started seriously growing after a big chop in December 2019, and it took me a while to settle into benign neglect. Luckily for me, I've always avoided getting my hair cut, so that wasn't a big worry for me. But I definitely understand the feeling of not doing enough or doing something wrong that will undermine all the progress you've made.

My solution was to try homemade hair masks and deep conditioning treatments, and sometimes try to learn new styles when I started getting antsy. These weren't for my hair, it didn't need any treatments aside from regular washing/conditioning. These were purely to quell whatever was going through my mind. Once I got to a length that felt more comfortable for me, it became a lot easier to just let it be. For me, that was about hip length. This was also the length that I could reliably put it up in a LWB all day and forget about it - coincidence?

You could also try a hair journal, so it still feels like you're doing something special for your hair even if you're not. This could also help if you feel the need to have more control over your hair.

Best of luck, and try not to let the anxiety take over (easier said than done, I know).

[memeow]

I've been intentionally growing my hair for around a year and a half. In that time it's gone from apl to a few inches past waist and I've tried all kinds of Products, methods, wash schedules. Generally thinking about my hair a lot

Now I'm just tired of it, I have a basic routine that works fine but it's still hard to just let my hair be. I'm afraid that if I neglect my hair some I'll end up getting a lot of damage or stop growing I guess and it's causing a bit of anxiety. I'm afraid I'll end up cutting my hair because of this anxiety and I really don't want to because I do genuinely love my hair as it is now its just feeling like a burden.

Has anyone else gone through a similar issue and how did you deal with it?

Other people might be different, but the only things I’ve found really make a difference to growth are careful handling and protective styling. All the treatments, wash schedules, etc. in the world mean very little compared to avoiding physical damage from not being gentle and letting my ends get caught under things. Treatments are nice for experimenting with different textures, but if you are overwhelmed and need some time off putting it up and forgetting about it works just as well for growth.

[lapushka]

I've been intentionally growing my hair for around a year and a half. In that time it's gone from apl to a few inches past waist and I've tried all kinds of Products, methods, wash schedules. Generally thinking about my hair a lot

Now I'm just tired of it, I have a basic routine that works fine but it's still hard to just let my hair be. I'm afraid that if I neglect my hair some I'll end up getting a lot of damage or stop growing I guess and it's causing a bit of anxiety. I'm afraid I'll end up cutting my hair because of this anxiety and I really don't want to because I do genuinely love my hair as it is now its just feeling like a burden.

Has anyone else gone through a similar issue and how did you deal with it?

We probably all go through it. And sometimes it's hard to even notice / see. I love the phrase that we have here called "benign neglect", it means you just do what works and don't experiment or do other intricate stuff to your hair.

Try it out. And good for catching it before it became a real obsession.

[embee]

Benign neglect is what worked for me. Obsessions are not healthy - at least not in my life. ;) I just put my hair up in a simple bun and let that be enough. Find something else to do.

[AmaryllisRed]

Benign neglect is what worked for me. Obsessions are not healthy - at least not in my life. ;) I just put my hair up in a simple bun and let that be enough. Find something else to do.

Yes, all of this. Benign neglect, put it up and forget about it, go do something else. As much as I love this forum, being here too much can make me hyper-focused on my hair and that's not good.

[Kerrtu-Kevät]

I do think I need to go back to basics and learn benign neglect. I grew my hair years ago to past classic by just not cutting it (I didn't even use conditioner consistently back then!)

I also realized even if I do accidentally cause some damage by taking a mental health break from my hair it can always be trimmed away and that really made me feel better.

[SandyBottom]

What everyone else here has already said. Also, if you want to still do something good for it even while practicing benign neglect, eat something healthy every day. No big plan or anything fancy. Just make a conscious effort to eat a piece of fruit, salad, or some kind of protein at least once a day. It's just as beneficial to feed our hair from within as it is to use all the masks and treatments...and often much easier, less time consuming and less costly. Don't stress it. Your hair will still love you.

[embee]

Yes, when I reach the point of obsessing about something it often (usually?) means I'm likely to do something stupid related to that topic. Like cut off the end of my braid and destroy my hemline - that particular trick taught me a lesson I needed to learn! :D

[lapis_lazuli]

I can only echo the others: benign neglect is where it's at. I was most overwhelmed by my hair in my first year on LHC surprisingly. I joined at hip and had already been growing my hair for three years, slowly but mostly carefree. All the tips and information I discovered on LHC were much needed but pretty intimidating all at once. I did begin to obsess and worry excessively about my habits and hair health, wondering if I was doing it all right or not.

Learning how to put my hair up (around classic) every day helped the most, since I naturally didn't think about it as often and realized I could trust the process when I saw results. Benign neglect, as in putting your hair in a protective style every day and living your life, shouldn't be harmful. I haven't done anything special to my hair in six years except protecting the ends in a bun, and I attribute all my growth to that. Keeping busy with other things makes the time go by a whole lot faster too.

[Joules]

I was most overwhelmed by my hair in my first year on LHC surprisingly.

Me too!

The key here (and the hardest part, admittedly) is to learn to ignore it. Hair grows painfully slow if you're checking it every single day, and it's so easy to get burnt out and frustrated. I would just stop reading the hair forum (focus on the friendship board instead) and focus on work and hobbies. That's what helped me a lot, actually, I found a hobby that took up all of my free time and something happened to my internet that made it impossible to access this place for two years. I swear to god, I blinked and my hair was past my tailbone!

The only issue I have now is having to adjust to new lengths. Like, twisting it into a cinnamon bun is getting harder, my old claw clips are getting too small, etc. Sometimes it's fun, sometimes it's annoying, most of the time I don't care :lol:

[Kat]

I suppose it's unhelpful to say "just don't worry about it," but...

Now, it's going to depend on your hair how much you have to fuss over it. I used to take a bunch of care... and then one day I realized: my hair doesn't care. I can baby it or not, and still have the same result. So I stopped worrying about it so much. Not everyone can get away with this and it may indeed be that you have to keep close tabs on it and do certain things perfectly correctly, but think for a moment and assess your own hair to decide what will work for you. I mean, it's probably not going to immediately become irreparably damaged if you don't keep an eye on it every waking second.

If you enjoy your hair, then just... enjoy it. It doesn't have to be perfect-- not perfectly shiny, or perfectly silky, or perfectly curly, or perfectly undamaged, or whatever, and I think some people chase that (and for some of us, it's simply unrealistic, period, and we'd drive ourselves nuts if we insisted on it). Your hair is going to grow whether you're watching it or not; no worries.

[lapushka]

Me too!

The key here (and the hardest part, admittedly) is to learn to ignore it. Hair grows painfully slow if you're checking it every single day, and it's so easy to get burnt out and frustrated. I would just stop reading the hair forum (focus on the friendship board instead) and focus on work and hobbies. That's what helped me a lot, actually, I found a hobby that took up all of my free time and something happened to my internet that made it impossible to access this place for two years. I swear to god, I blinked and my hair was past my tailbone!

The only issue I have now is having to adjust to new lengths. Like, twisting it into a cinnamon bun is getting harder, my old claw clips are getting too small, etc. Sometimes it's fun, sometimes it's annoying, most of the time I don't care :lol:

Me 3. First when I got here, I experimented, put my hair through it, like you wouldn't believe, looking for that next best thing. And often basic hair care is more than enough already!

[WitchoftheWood]

I relate to what a lot of you are saying here on thinking about your hair care too much and getting burnt out. I feel like I've oversaturated myself with information and sometimes it's contradicting. I've got to listen to my own hair better and develop a low maintenance routine.

[clairenewcastle]

I've overthought about my hair since I was in my teens. I am now 57 and still worry about it. Benign neglect does not work for me. I need the right products and a regular routine.

However, what I eat and drink does affect the quality of my hair. Even if you decide to practise benign neglect make a point of eating protein every day, keep hydrated and take plenty of vitamins.

[Lanina]

I suppose it's unhelpful to say "just don't worry about it," but...

Now, it's going to depend on your hair how much you have to fuss over it. I used to take a bunch of care... and then one day I realized: my hair doesn't care. I can baby it or not, and still have the same result. So I stopped worrying about it so much. Not everyone can get away with this and it may indeed be that you have to keep close tabs on it and do certain things perfectly correctly, but think for a moment and assess your own hair to decide what will work for you. I mean, it's probably not going to immediately become irreparably damaged if you don't keep an eye on it every waking second.

If you enjoy your hair, then just... enjoy it. It doesn't have to be perfect-- not perfectly shiny, or perfectly silky, or perfectly curly, or perfectly undamaged, or whatever, and I think some people chase that (and for some of us, it's simply unrealistic, period, and we'd drive ourselves nuts if we insisted on it). Your hair is going to grow whether you're watching it or not; no worries.

This is really good advice. Long hair is wonderful, but don't let it stress you out, it's supposed to be a joy! Learn some nice set-and-forget protective styles, hydrate the ends, and let it be.

[Glitch]

I suppose it's unhelpful to say "just don't worry about it," but...

Now, it's going to depend on your hair how much you have to fuss over it. I used to take a bunch of care... and then one day I realized: my hair doesn't care. I can baby it or not, and still have the same result. So I stopped worrying about it so much. Not everyone can get away with this and it may indeed be that you have to keep close tabs on it and do certain things perfectly correctly, but think for a moment and assess your own hair to decide what will work for you. I mean, it's probably not going to immediately become irreparably damaged if you don't keep an eye on it every waking second.

If you enjoy your hair, then just... enjoy it. It doesn't have to be perfect-- not perfectly shiny, or perfectly silky, or perfectly curly, or perfectly undamaged, or whatever, and I think some people chase that (and for some of us, it's simply unrealistic, period, and we'd drive ourselves nuts if we insisted on it). Your hair is going to grow whether you're watching it or not; no worries.

Well said. I used to be just like that, and my hair journey started to feel nightmarish. At one point, I even used to S&D like crazy every few days, and it really was distressing. Now I do so every few months, and honestly, my hair is still my hair, nothing really changed other than me no longer constantly babysitting it. In the end, hair isn't a baby and it'll grow up on its own :toast: Just a little supervision here and there!

[Ada-banana]

I like the question and replies to this thread, I really can relate to what everyone is saying and good advice is been given.