Help with Tangles?

[Mandie]

My husband decided while we're at home 24/7 anyway he would try just letting his hair grow. (I am jealous just a little because he's now got this beautiful thick curly hair), but he doesn't know how to care for it and I can only help so much because mine is 1c/FM/ii.

He's more of a 3a/M/ii, solid waist length.

The really frustrating issue he's having is his hair tangles like MAD. He wakes up every morning having to fight with it. I've got him on a silk pillowcase, I've tried to get him to let me teach him to braid his hair but he doesn't want to. He's tried loose and ponytailed with a silk scrunchie and both end up with tangles all the way to his scalp.

He isn't no cone and what he's currently using is no sulfate/phalate/etc. He's tried about eight different types with and without cones at this point trying to find a winner. He uses the Tangle Teezer (I know I know he's brushing curls which is a sin, but his hair oddly enough doesn't frizz just flattens, he's not overly worried about enhancing the curls).

I'm at a loss as to exactly what else we can do to help because I don't have anywhere near his issue with tangles, mine just fall out with a quick shake. Any more advice I can pass along from people with experience closer to his?

[Feral_]

Maybe suggest bunning it at night then using a wide tooth comb after finger detangling in the morning?

[lapushka]

What's his routine? With washing, after wash styling (? if he does that / gel and such). The thing is, not to brush curly hair, and to only detangle wet when the hair is full of conditioner. And leaving it alone outside of that.

[Shorty89]

If he's using ones but not sulfates, then he may have build up. Has he tried clarifying?

[Mandie]

Simple shampoo and condition (shampoo scalp only and condition earlobes down), no product, air dry. He runs the Teezer through once (he used to yank a comb through his hair and it made me cringe for him) and then just leaves it alone. He follows my routine of hair washing twice a week max, but he's tangled every day.

[Mandie]

He hasn't, I haven't thought to suggest it because my hair FREAKS when I do that. I'm not even sure if the method I know for my hair is the best for his, do you have a recommended method for me to provide him? I know there's a lot of options.

[lapushka]

Simple shampoo and condition (shampoo scalp only and condition earlobes down), no product, air dry. He runs the Teezer through once (he used to yank a comb through his hair and it made me cringe for him) and then just leaves it alone. He follows my routine of hair washing twice a week max, but he's tangled every day.

When my hair gets washed, it's detangled. Then the rest of the week I leave it alone (yes to tangle, I don't touch it, except for finger combing aka separating strands and getting sheds out that way). The separating strands "trick" also gently loosens tangles and even knots if I have them. But wavy and curly hair just tangles. It is what it is. That is why when you wash and do it wet (the detangling part) once or twice a week, you can be sure it's enough. You just don't want to run a comb or brush through in between washes. Wavy/curly hair is not straight hair that you have to daily detangle. It is totally different.

[JasminxCat]

Simple shampoo and condition (shampoo scalp only and condition earlobes down), no product, air dry. He runs the Teezer through once (he used to yank a comb through his hair and it made me cringe for him) and then just leaves it alone. He follows my routine of hair washing twice a week max, but he's tangled every day.

All the rough brushing and yanking through knots should have caused enough splits to make problems worse. He might be due for a good trim. Splits can cause tangles. Clarifying may help if there is product build up, which might also cause tangles. Suggest a detangling spray to decrease the amount of breakage when detangling, and use a leave in or oil to help increase slip. Make sure he knows to always slowly start brushing from the bottom up when detangling

[Mandie]

He's mentioned it's very painful to leave it alone without getting the tangles loosened, does that reduce over time? He sort of ends up with a giant poof of hair. I with my straight hair can brush it once a week just fine, he seems to need more care. Is he overdoing it?

Worth noting we have a lot of fluffy animals and their fur is the gift that keeps on /ending up everywhere/ so that gets frustrating for him too because my hair doesn't catch it but his does.

[Mandie]

He detangles fingers first and then bottom up with the Teezer. The comb he used to use has not touched his hair in well over a year since I heard his hair breaking and nearly tackled him.

[Bri-Chan]

I don't know if this can be the case, but I'm just barely wavy and if I brush my hair when dry it gets more tangles. Yes, maybe it seems ok initially, but then the frizz makes the tangles come back very soon.
Like lapushka said, wavy and curly hair tangles naturally. It's ok to just detangle it during the washing process.

[lapushka]

He's mentioned it's very painful to leave it alone without getting the tangles loosened, does that reduce over time? He sort of ends up with a giant poof of hair. I with my straight hair can brush it once a week just fine, he seems to need more care. Is he overdoing it?

Worth noting we have a lot of fluffy animals and their fur is the gift that keeps on /ending up everywhere/ so that gets frustrating for him too because my hair doesn't catch it but his does.

After I detangle it, as soon as that's done, and I scrunch my stylers in, it sort of balls up on itself, and yes, the tangles will loosen as the days go on, just let him finger detangle (not raking fingers through, please). You just separate strands, so say, separate into 2 sections from the back, then you have 2 sides. Those sides, divide them into 3, and then "rub over it" to get the sheds out and tangles loosened. Don't section more, especially not at the very beginning. Every day it will get better. And it is "allowed" to brush (recommend a wet brush) before washing. Tell him to brush before washing (helps save your drain and also if you get tangles wet they tighten, so be careful), and then during with plenty of conditioner in.

Straight hair you can detangle with a brush daily, but you can't do that with wavy or curly hair. In the shower, with plenty of conditioner is the only way to really do that with a tool.


I don't know if this can be the case, but I'm just barely wavy and if I brush my hair when dry it gets more tangles. Yes, maybe it seems ok initially, but then the frizz makes the tangles come back very soon.
Like lapushka said, wavy and curly hair tangles naturally. It's ok to just detangle it during the washing process.

Yes, straight hair & wavy/curly hair are worlds apart!

[Mandie]

After I detangle it, as soon as that's done, and I scrunch my stylers in, it sort of balls up on itself, and yes, the tangles will loosen as the days go on, just let him finger detangle (not raking fingers through, please). You just separate strands, so say, separate into 2 sections from the back, then you have 2 sides. Those sides, divide them into 3, and then "rub over it" to get the sheds out and tangles loosened. Don't section more, especially not at the very beginning. Every day it will get better. And it is "allowed" to brush (recommend a wet brush) before washing. Tell him to brush before washing (helps save your drain and also if you get tangles wet they tighten, so be careful), and then during with plenty of conditioner in.

Straight hair you can detangle with a brush daily, but you can't do that with wavy or curly hair. In the shower, with plenty of conditioner is the only way to really do that with a tool.



Yes, straight hair & wavy/curly hair are worlds apart!

I handed him your message to read so he could get the whole impact directly from someone with similar hair, thank you. We also ordered him a wide toothed comb to try out and he detangled more gently with his fingers this morning.

Do you think the bun idea is good or is loose/ponytail okay? I've been trying really hard to help him but I'm annoyed with myself that it took me this long to think to come here and ask people with his hair type for help. Duh.

[lapushka]

I handed him your message to read so he could get the whole impact directly from someone with similar hair, thank you. We also ordered him a wide toothed comb to try out and he detangled more gently with his fingers this morning.

Do you think the bun idea is good or is loose/ponytail okay? I've been trying really hard to help him but I'm annoyed with myself that it took me this long to think to come here and ask people with his hair type for help. Duh.

If a ponytail at all, I would go for one at the nape. With a nice soft elastic, or looser scrunchie (they have more masculine looking ones, or just get black or brown).

That's so sweet that you put so much trust in my words... I try. :o

I bun when I'm up, and then let my hair down at night, before bed, which is when I finger detangle (over the sink so I don't drag hair all over the place, easiest clean-up ever; just FYI ;)) and then the next day the whole cycle repeats itself. I don't detangle in the morning, I just grab my hair and coil it up.

And don't be so hard on yourself. You have tried what you could. For years I treated my wavier hair as straight, because I had straight hair pre-puberty and had no clue as to how to deal with it, which took until my 30s. If we can help, the better. But he has to figure out, in the end, what works best for him still.

[Mandie]

If a ponytail at all, I would go for one at the nape. With a nice soft elastic, or looser scrunchie (they have more masculine looking ones, or just get black or brown).

That's so sweet that you put so much trust in my words... I try. :o

I bun when I'm up, and then let my hair down at night, before bed, which is when I finger detangle (over the sink so I don't drag hair all over the place, easiest clean-up ever; just FYI ;)) and then the next day the whole cycle repeats itself. I don't detangle in the morning, I just grab my hair and coil it up.

And don't be so hard on yourself. You have tried what you could. For years I treated my wavier hair as straight, because I had straight hair pre-puberty and had no clue as to how to deal with it, which took until my 30s. If we can help, the better. But he has to figure out, in the end, what works best for him still.

I bought us silk scrunchies, so that's all he uses (I keep losing mine, cough). He only does the nape pony. He prefers loose or a ponytail during the day, and I actually just spent a bit looking through his hair and I'll be but he actually has no split ends. I was going to make a big point about "oh this is what's up" and I had no ground to stand on lol.

[BuddhaBelle]

All the comments about using a wide tooth comb and not brushing when wet hit the nail on the head, but have you considered a detangling spray? When I first bleached my hair it was so tangly and a spray definitely saved me.

[Ylva]

I would have to advise against ponytails, personally. I cannot wear them for the life of me, only temporarily while brushing my teeth and washing my face in the sink. If I attempt to wear them properly, I get the worst matting in the nape - way worse than if I wore my hair loose all day.

[lapushka]

All the comments about using a wide tooth comb and not brushing when wet hit the nail on the head, but have you considered a detangling spray? When I first bleached my hair it was so tangly and a spray definitely saved me.

Not brushing when dry, you mean. ;) :p Have you seen the "brush your curly hair" thread. :lol: Yes that is exactly what happens if you do that. Not recommended at all.


I would have to advise against ponytails, personally. I cannot wear them for the life of me, only temporarily while brushing my teeth and washing my face in the sink. If I attempt to wear them properly, I get the worst matting in the nape - way worse than if I wore my hair loose all day.

For me it's usually fine, but I tend to wear them 30 minutes tops while I do my skincare.

[BuddhaBelle]

Not brushing when dry, you mean. ;) :p Have you seen the "brush your curly hair" thread. :lol: Yes that is exactly what happens if you do that. Not recommended at all.

HAAHHA! No definitely not brushing when dry.... My lord that would be a mess.

[lapushka]

HAAHHA! No definitely not brushing when dry.... My lord that would be a mess.

My gosh, that thread, though... so many memories. LOL!

[Mandie]

All the comments about using a wide tooth comb and not brushing when wet hit the nail on the head, but have you considered a detangling spray? When I first bleached my hair it was so tangly and a spray definitely saved me.

Does detangling spray do a lot for curlies? For me it actually makes me tangle like crazy which I learned when babysitting with long hair because little girls want to play hair stylist lol. I've been really adverse to it.

Can you recommend a brand?

[valeriamorales]

kinky curly knot today

[lapushka]

Does detangling spray do a lot for curlies? For me it actually makes me tangle like crazy which I learned when babysitting with long hair because little girls want to play hair stylist lol. I've been really adverse to it.

Can you recommend a brand?

Plain old Suave kids detangling spray?