Are silicones cheating?

[elise.autumn]

Let me start with a disclaimer: I know this is a controversial topic and will cause debate. I also know that not everyone has the same hair goals, such as my goal to have virgin and natural hair. Please be nice to each other, and if you take offense at my thread title, please attack me gently. :)

–

Are silicones "cheating", if one aims to have natural hair? My unscientific understanding is that they build up a bit of plastic-something which adds shine and makes your hair more manageable. I use a coney conditioner and experience this. I can go for days without detangling, including wearing it down some, and my hair is still nice and not very tangly. (Here is a recent picture of my hair (https://i.imgur.com/GAYuFbt.jpg) directly after a silicone wash. I do also oil overnight before washes twice a week. I do use shampoo.)

I highly value having virgin hair and knowing the true health of my hair, rather than depending on shortcuts to achieve aesthetics. My personal goal (in both hair and life) is to achieve underlying health, which results in authentic beauty, rather than masking problems with modern scientific solutions.

In researching previous silicone threads, I found this post (https://forums.longhaircommunity.com/showthread.php?t=117993&page=2&p=2589717&viewfull=1#post2589717) and this post (https://forums.longhaircommunity.com/showthread.php?t=117993&page=3&p=2590587&viewfull=1#post2590587) which support the idea that silicones just mask damage and are unauthentic.

What do you think - can silicones be a shortcut to better looking hair than reality, or are they just another tool like oiling? Again, please be kind to me and each other in your responses.

[Lucy McLucyFace]

I honestly just see them as a useful tool. They make detangling easier so I don't waste so much time. If it's supposed to be the equivalent of makeup it doesn't do a very good job at it cause the shiny effect runs out less than halfway between washes :eek:
I also don't think the effects are dramatic enough to consider it "masking damage". only if one believes having friz=damage and the anti-friz effect also doesn't last more than 2 days for me anyway

[Lucy McLucyFace]

I should add, I think the real mask for damage is heat styling. Giving the hair a slick perfect look every time

[lapis_lazuli]

I definitely would view them as a tool akin to oiling and not that they constitute cheating in any way. I don't personally use cones but I just haven't gotten around to trying them yet; I'm sort of loyal to my current conditioner.

I honestly don't know a ton about silicones and I wasn't aware they could mask damage. Is it more that they hide dryness (which in itself doesn't always=damage) or can you not see splits on cone'd hair?
I'll have to look into it more, but I think overall if you like the way your hair looks more with silicone, you shouldn't feel bad about using it.

[elise.autumn]

only if one believes having friz=damage

Ooh definitely not - I always have a halo, and always have. :D



I wasn't aware they could mask damage. Is it more that they hide dryness (which in itself doesn't always=damage) or can you not see splits on cone'd hair?

I'm not sure either... I think maybe it just overall makes your hair look shiny and nicer, even if it's not well taken care of? Maybe others can weigh in.

And personally, I don't think my hair is damaged - I don't dye, don't use heat, don't wear ponytail holders any more, etc. But I still don't want to "coat it in plastic" to make it look shiny and be easy to manage.

[purple_omelette]

I would say it depends on what you mean by 'authentic'.
Because to a large extent, activities like oiling, washing and detangling are 'inauthentic' in that they are ways of manipulating your hair to make it look a certain way, especially oiling (which in the same manner as silicones, also coats the hair follicle with a layer that makes it look shiny and healthy)

If by authentic you mean natural, then maybe steer clear of silicones, as they are derivatives of synthetic products. On the other hand, things like oils are also man-made, in that there is really no such thing as a naturally occuring oil: they go through a process of distillation from the original product (eg a coconut, an almond, an olive) and are then typically further refined before you get the oil that you would apply to your hair. However, if you're worried about the environment and waste, silicones take a lot longer to break down in nature than natural oils do.

As for shampoos, they are typically composed of synthetic emulsifying agents, so, again, not 'natural'.

So it really depends on what you want for your own hair, and what is authentic to you :)

Personally, I wouldn't worry about it too much. I miss using silicones, as my hair is now perpetually tangled (but unfortunately, shampoo makes my scalp itch like mad, so I have to stick to co-washing for now, and that means no cones!)

And I'm going to play devil's advocate here and say that there really is no such thing as healthy hair at all! Hair is a fibre, like wool or silk, and is at peak integrity when it comes out of your scalp. Everything that happens to it on the way down is simply either damage or prevention of damage, nothing more. You can't make hair healthier, as it isn't alive, and its basic structure is set from the moment it comes out of your head.

[lapis_lazuli]

I would say it depends on what you mean by 'authentic'.
Because to a large extent, activities like oiling, washing and detangling are 'inauthentic' in that they are ways of manipulating your hair to make it look a certain way, especially oiling (which in the same manner as silicones, also coats the hair follicle with a layer that makes it look shiny and healthy)

If by authentic you mean natural, then maybe steer clear of silicones, as they are derivatives of synthetic products. On the other hand, things like oils are also man-made, in that there is really no such thing as a naturally occuring oil: they go through a process of distillation from the original product (eg a coconut, an almond, an olive) and are then typically further refined before you get the oil that you would apply to your hair. However, if you're worried about the environment and waste, silicones take a lot longer to break down in nature than natural oils do.

As for shampoos, they are typically composed of synthetic emulsifying agents, so, again, not 'natural'.

So it really depends on what you want for your own hair, and what is authentic to you :)

Such good points! I think this right here is the crux. When it comes to what is natural and what isn't, you have to decide where you personally draw that line.

[Bri-Chan]

I totally agree with purple_omelette.

This is a very interesting topic.
I thought a lot about the "cheating" effects of cones. I mean, everything that make your hair look better could be considered cheating. And "look" it's the perfect word not only for cones, but for every hair products, because hair can't become heathy, it's dead. All you can do, and basically everyone does, is to use products to make your hair looking good. Like... also using an oil as leave in is cheating.
And also... what's wrong with "cheating"?

I tried basically every kind of products in the last 8 years. In my personal experience, I see the difference not between coney or not coney, but between organic and not organic. Basically, I need mooore conditioner and the shampoo are so much stronger....

[SleepyTangles]

I don't think they are cheating: after all, what's really "natural"?
A comb doesn't exists "naturally", we craft them to help us. Same for everything else :flower:
Shampoo, showers, ties... We create and use them knowing they can help.
I don't use silicones because my hair can't stand them. And marginally for environmental reasons. For me they're just not a useful tool.

[lapushka]

If you wash properly enough (ie clarify once in a while), then silicones are no problem at all. They behave just like products with thick butters, waxes do, so in that sense it's not exactly a question of "natural". It's just... you need to know how to care for the hair if you use either.

I just can't not use them after a certain length, because the mechanical damage will build up from trying to deal with my hair, and I will get breakage that way.

[Dark40]

I agree with, lapushka. If you wash your hair properly they shouldn't be a problem at all. I don't think they are cheating at all. My hair loves silicones and cones! It gives my hair nice slip and shine, and if I didn't use them my hair would be in a matted tangled mess.

[MusicalSpoons]

I think if you're (general you) are using shine spray and styling products chock-full of cones - and even shampoo as well - then that's when problems can come, especially if you're heat-styling and/or never clarify.

I've never thought of what's 'cheating' or not because that implies judgement, and I try to stay away from that. However if you're using loads of coney products along with heat-styling, it may well be cheating but eventually the damage will show regardless of how much you've layered on top of it. EDIT: not necessarily because of the cones, but the intention behind it and also heat styling (with hot tools, so as to change the texture of your hair - not just enhancing) is always cheating :p

Cones in shampoo, conditioner, light styling product use as part of an informed and healthy hair care routine - no problem and not cheating.

In my edit I realised the fundamental difference between natural and cheating: there's enhancing what you already have, then there's totally changing. So styling curly hair rather than letting it air-dry is enhancing what you have, or using rinses to bring out certain tones in your hair. Things like dyeing or hot heat styling are cheating if you proclaim to have natural hair :lol: but this is why I hesitate to use the term because there is nothing inherently wrong with changing one's hair! So 'cheating' is just specifically *in this context* of what still counts as natural or not.

[elise.autumn]

Thank you all for responding so thoughtfully and defining words better than me. Especially -


In my edit I realised the fundamental difference between natural and cheating: there's enhancing what you already have, then there's totally changing. So styling curly hair rather than letting it air-dry is enhancing what you have, or using rinses to bring out certain tones in your hair. Things like dyeing or hot heat styling are cheating if you proclaim to have natural hair :lol: but this is why I hesitate to use the term because there is nothing inherently wrong with changing one's hair! So 'cheating' is just specifically *in this context* of what still counts as natural or not.

This is an excellent point and a very helpful mindset. Based on this, I do not consider silicones "cheating", even if they are "not natural" or "synthetic" (I realize now that synthetic is a better term than natural).

And just to make sure you all understand - I think dyed hair is super fun, and if I didn't have red hair, I likely would dye funky colors at some point. I think that modifications like that can be artistic and great ways to express yourself, it is just not the way I want to have my hair.

–

My mom also caused me to have a slight perspective change:

I just asked her this question out of curiosity, because she also cares a lot about non-synthetic living. For context, she has stage 4 breast cancer. She said that she understands where I'm coming from, because her recent higher pain meds are working to take pain away, but then she remembers the underlying problems are still there. However, we agree that the meds are still a very useful tool and it is good that she is taking them.

Perhaps this is an extreme example that doesn't directly apply to hair, but it did remind me that we can use tools to enhance our lives without being inauthentic. Or as MusicalSpoons said above - we can use tools to enhance without changing ourselves.

[purple_omelette]

Thank you all for responding so thoughtfully and defining words better than me. Especially -



This is an excellent point and a very helpful mindset. Based on this, I do not consider silicones "cheating", even if they are "not natural" or "synthetic" (I realize now that synthetic is a better term than natural).

And just to make sure you all understand - I think dyed hair is super fun, and if I didn't have red hair, I likely would dye funky colors at some point. I think that modifications like that can be artistic and great ways to express yourself, it is just not the way I want to have my hair.

–

My mom also caused me to have a slight perspective change:

I just asked her this question out of curiosity, because she also cares a lot about non-synthetic living. For context, she has stage 4 breast cancer. She said that she understands where I'm coming from, because her recent higher pain meds are working to take pain away, but then she remembers the underlying problems are still there. However, we agree that the meds are still a very useful tool and it is good that she is taking them.

Perhaps this is an extreme example that doesn't directly apply to hair, but it did remind me that we can use tools to enhance our lives without being inauthentic. Or as MusicalSpoons said above - we can use tools to enhance without changing ourselves.

Oh wow, I'm sorry your mum is going through that :( I agree with what she said whole-heartedly: there's absolutely nothing wrong with using the tools at your disposal (natural, man-made, synthetic, alternative, or a mix of everything) to make life easier for yourself.

[lapis_lazuli]

Perhaps this is an extreme example that doesn't directly apply to hair, but it did remind me that we can use tools to enhance our lives without being inauthentic. Or as MusicalSpoons said above - we can use tools to enhance without changing ourselves.

I understand the desire to live authentically. This is absolutely true and an important distinction. Best wishes to your mom :flower:

[CuteCrow]

I think one of the problems and why people feel like cones mask damaged hair and are just a shortcut to good looking hair, is that a lot of people are not used to their natural texture without silicones. So once they stop using them they feel their natural hair is damaged just because it feels drier and less slippery, of course there's the issue too that a lot of people don't wash their hair properly when they use cones and they tend to build up, leading to their hair looking damaged. Nothing that a good deep cleanse can't fix.

In short, I don't think cones are like cheating, and as long as you also use sulphates it shouldn't be a problem. Also, everyone can define how "natural" they want their routine to be and what is considered natural for them. For me, as long as you don't permantly change the structure of your hair it's natural :shrug:



My mom also caused me to have a slight perspective change:

I just asked her this question out of curiosity, because she also cares a lot about non-synthetic living. For context, she has stage 4 breast cancer. She said that she understands where I'm coming from, because her recent higher pain meds are working to take pain away, but then she remembers the underlying problems are still there. However, we agree that the meds are still a very useful tool and it is good that she is taking them.

Perhaps this is an extreme example that doesn't directly apply to hair, but it did remind me that we can use tools to enhance our lives without being inauthentic. Or as MusicalSpoons said above - we can use tools to enhance without changing ourselves.

Edit: I just read this and I think your mum perfectly summarized what I was trying to say, you have to approach the use of anything thinking about yourself and where you are at that moment in your life. I feel like I didn't say anything new then :lol: Best wishes to her :blossom:

[Butterfly Blue]

I think I may come from a different perspective. (First, I don't think using or not using silicones is right or wrong).
But I believe I have wondered a similar question.
Do silicones hide damage, thus "cheating"? Perhaps your hair is actually full of damage and split ends, but the silicones disguise that?
I think it may be easier to see what your hair needs without silicones. Maybe.

I stopped using silicones one time quite a few years ago. The result was I was able to see my hair was full of split ends.
But this leads to perhaps the other side of the coin. If we take care of our hair like we learn how to do here on LHC then maybe the silicones won't be hiding any damage because there won't be any damage.

Right now I have all virgin hair with no split ends, just past BSL, thanks to all the help here on LHC. The only reason I don't use silicones is just because it makes my fine hair too slippery and flat. Otherwise I would probably use them.

[Kat]

Even if they do "mask damage," so what? Some of us have hair that is prone to damage. It has nothing to do with whether we "take good care of it." Our choice is to either wear damaged hair, or wear short hair. If silicones were the thing that allowed me to have long hair, I really wouldn't care if anyone thought that was "cheating." It's just making up for the good-hair genes I was not born with. That would be like saying it's cheating for me to wear makeup because I wasn't born as naturally-pretty as some people and I'm not allowed to try to even the score a bit.

The truth is that "natural" is not always "nice." People who naturally have hair that is a pretty color, nice texture and condition, etc. tend to forget that.

[AutobotsAttack]

Nah. Not cheating.
Coming from someone who has intentionally changed their hair texture, in my opinion, “authenticity”, is whatever keeps you in your happy place. Stuff that boosts your confidence in a productive/positive way. If using cones allows you to still care for your hair, keep it well-maintained, AND, keep your mental well-being top notch....nope. Not cheating.

I like silicones. They don’t mask anything for me though. I’ll still get breakage whether using cones or not.

A few people have mentioned it already, but certain aspects of Virgin hair and the notion of authenticity are different. Virgin, authentic hair could look lovely on one person, and not so good on another. Subjectively speaking.

It would help if silicones and other products weren’t demonized so much by the general public. Besides proper waste disposal, silicones have their place.

[barnet_fair]

The water in my area is very hard. I've only ever lived in hard water areas. It also contains a number of contaminants such as lead from old pipes, and chlorine from industrial water treatment. The effect this has on my hair and skin is to make it drier than it would be otherwise. I know this because I've travelled to soft water areas and washed my hair in natural spring/river water with zero shampoo or conditioner, or just a bit of non-silicone conditioner and some oil, and it's turned out better than ever. If I do this at home, whether or not I use a chelating shampoo to try to remove the extra minerals, my hair ends up feeling limp, dehydrated, and tangly.

I see silicones as a way to compensate for the worse water quality that comes with living in a city - sort of like two "artificial" things cancelling each other out, similar to how some people living in parts of the USA with low food/soil quality eat vitamin-fortified breakfast cereals. Our striving to live a natural and authentic life occurs within a very mutually interdependent industrial society. This is not to say that I'm not an extremist in some ways, and I enjoy finding simple ways of living outside "modern scientific" solutions.

Certainly I agree with others that if you like the effect your coney conditioner has on your hair, that's the most important factor in whether you should use it! Your hair looks gorgeous in the photo you linked - I didn't know curly hair could remain so curly with cones, so I've learnt something!

[stardust lady]

Nah. Not cheating.
Coming from someone who has intentionally changed their hair texture, in my opinion, “authenticity”, is whatever keeps you in your happy place. Stuff that boosts your confidence in a productive/positive way. If using cones allows you to still care for your hair, keep it well-maintained, AND, keep your mental well-being top notch....nope. Not cheating.

I like silicones. They don’t mask anything for me though. I’ll still get breakage whether using cones or not.

A few people have mentioned it already, but certain aspects of Virgin hair and the notion of authenticity are different. Virgin, authentic hair could look lovely on one person, and not so good on another. Subjectively speaking.

It would help if silicones and other products weren’t demonized so much by the general public. Besides proper waste disposal, silicones have their place.

I love the idea that authenticity does not always mean natural. I think authenticity ultimately is about the choices you make and the person you choose to be, and not the body you were born with. We all want hair that makes us happy, so why not use the available tools to help bring us that extra little bit of joy? I think that's an authentic act, and it's a real expression of ourselves. As long as it's not damaging the planet or our bodies, then I say it's better living through chemistry.

[Ylva]

I haven't read the entire thread yet (will do so after posting this), but my immediate thought was...

Is wearing a bra cheating, if it makes my everyday life more comfortable and practical? Or should I opt to not wear one just to be my authentic and natural self who would have trouble, for example, running due to discomfort? :D

Back when I got really interested in haircare in late 2017, I decided to go silicone-free to experience the "true" state of my hair and to clearly see what kind of improvements I could make. And I did see exactly how my hair reacted to a lot of things I did to it, so it was a good decision then for educational purposes, I think. However, now that I have that knowledge, I happily include (certain) silicones in my haircare routine, the reason being that they work well to reduce tangling, which in turn reduces breakage, which results in better length retention (for me, naturally).

I guess in some way silicones could be viewed as "cheating", but then again, isn't conditioning the hair altogether cheating then? After all, the only truly "authentic" way to have your hair is to wash it with water only, or not wash it at all.

[lapushka]

Even if they do "mask damage," so what? Some of us have hair that is prone to damage. It has nothing to do with whether we "take good care of it." Our choice is to either wear damaged hair, or wear short hair. If silicones were the thing that allowed me to have long hair, I really wouldn't care if anyone thought that was "cheating." It's just making up for the good-hair genes I was not born with. That would be like saying it's cheating for me to wear makeup because I wasn't born as naturally-pretty as some people and I'm not allowed to try to even the score a bit.

The truth is that "natural" is not always "nice." People who naturally have hair that is a pretty color, nice texture and condition, etc. tend to forget that.

I think that's well said.

I will never get why anyone would see silicones as "not natural" as if not natural is a bad thing. On the contrary, there's a lot of natural things (tobacco, essential oils) that are not without their issues.

So I will never gauge silicones or any ingredient by those standards.

[MusicalSpoons]

I'm really sorry to hear about your Mum, elise :grouphug:


I love the idea that authenticity does not always mean natural. I think authenticity ultimately is about the choices you make and the person you choose to be, and not the body you were born with. We all want hair that makes us happy, so why not use the available tools to help bring us that extra little bit of joy? I think that's an authentic act, and it's a real expression of ourselves. As long as it's not damaging the planet or our bodies, then I say it's better living through chemistry.

You know, this is what I realised last night. 'Authentic' and 'natural' are two different, sometimes overlapping, but mostly separate concepts.

Natural is extremely difficult to do in our modern-day lives, often not desirable and sometimes even harmful (imagine winter without clothes :bigeyes: or imagine automatically turning down all forms of healthcare because it's 'not natural'.). Whereas authentic is making choices that accurately represent you and your values. I think some overlap can be when authenticity means* wanting to make the best of what you naturally have without fundamentally changing it.

(*not that everyone feels that way, hence 'can' and 'when')

[spidermom]

I'm in "silicones are just a tool" camp. I got caught up in the "silicones are de evil" cult several years ago, and my hair was much harder to deal with. It tangles up so much! Then I bought some CHI Silk Infusion, and a single drop rubbed between palms, then down the length sandwiched between palms, made combing so much easier. Why make life difficult? Life is naturally difficult enough! I do limit my silicone use to leave-in styling products rather than layering it on with shampoo and conditioner and styling products. A little goes a long way.

[C_Bookworm]

I think the natural vs. authentic discussion is fascinating.

I use henna and indigo, which means they are natural products but they’re imparting an unnatural color to my hair. I wouldn’t consider that cheating unless I went around claiming my hair grew out of my head that color.

At any rate, my hair is the color it is in my heart, which makes me happy :o and feels authentic to me.

Best wishes to your mom, elise.autumn :blossom:

[Siv]

Even if they do "mask damage," so what? Some of us have hair that is prone to damage. It has nothing to do with whether we "take good care of it." Our choice is to either wear damaged hair, or wear short hair. If silicones were the thing that allowed me to have long hair, I really wouldn't care if anyone thought that was "cheating." It's just making up for the good-hair genes I was not born with. That would be like saying it's cheating for me to wear makeup because I wasn't born as naturally-pretty as some people and I'm not allowed to try to even the score a bit.

The truth is that "natural" is not always "nice." People who naturally have hair that is a pretty color, nice texture and condition, etc. tend to forget that.

I'm in this corner! I've dabbled with cone-free products several times and for long periods, and my experience is that yes: I do see more of my split ends with cone-free products. But, I see those split ends on day three hair with silicones, too. What cones do for me is giving enough slip that I'm not wasting hours on detangling. I have super tangly hair and couldn't have more than MBL hair unless I used silicones. Also, easier detangling = less mechanical damage.

My meta-thoughts on this*:

I get that SLS+cones have been the norm for a few decades and that it tends to mesh better with straighter (i.e., a lot of times, white people) hair. So it's great that we now have a growing numer of cone-free options so that people outside this straighter-haired norm can get easy access to products too. I also get that if you've been raised on the SLS+cones norm then finding that cone-free works much better, it must seem like a miracle and SLS+cones are the devil. Welllll, I'm a "normie" and SLS+cones just work a lot better for me, so I don't think they're the devil but I can see where those people are coming from, sorta :shrug


*I'm kinda extrapolating here, please let me know if I'm way out of line, I don't want to step on anyone's toes unnecessarily

[Finda]

On my hair care journey I've tried a lot: I've gone completely organic, I tried soap but also lots of hair salon brands which, of course, had silicones in them. And I went back and forth between all of them because, ultimately, silicones (or lack therof) were not part of my problem, the manual handling was ;)
At the moment I spare the silicones for special occasions. With the garnier hair food line I have found an alternative that is silicone free but not organic (as far as I can tell) and I can get results that are very close or even equal to any shampoo I have with silicones.
StilI, I have never personally experienced any of the horrors I have heard attributed to silicones: I have never experienced build up from them nor do I need clarifying shampoo when I use them. But neither are they a miracle cure, because when I treated my hair roughly they were not able to gloss over the damage. When my hair was at its worst it looked broken, even with silicones. But yes, they gave additional slip and without it I wouldn't have been able to detangle my hair back then.

So no, I don't think it's cheating. I'm with the people who described it as a tool you can use as needed.

On a side note: last week my hair was sort of strawy so I went to the drugstore with the intention of buying a conditioner with silicones. I looked at some incredients and some of the most expensive shampoos that didn't have cones in them had polyquaternium-7 listed ( also a microplastic from what I understand). I'm a bit wary of that. Once, during a kid's birthday party I was wearing a new outfit when I was hit by several soap bubbles and the polyquaternium in the liquid stained my clothes so bad I never got it clean again even after several washes. I'm not a chemist and incis and their effects are not my forte, so I don't know wether it's as persistent on the hair as it's on clothes.

[Kat]

I think that's well said.

I will never get why anyone would see silicones as "not natural" as if not natural is a bad thing. On the contrary, there's a lot of natural things (tobacco, essential oils) that are not without their issues.

So I will never gauge silicones or any ingredient by those standards.

I mean, I understand that some people have certain types of products they want to use (whatever they define "natural" as). But, if that were the case-- no, silicone products aren't found in nature, so someone wanted to use only non-processed products wouldn't even consider it to need to ask. And it's not "cheating" because growing hair isn't a competition where we might need to ban "enhancements."



I think the natural vs. authentic discussion is fascinating.

I use henna and indigo, which means they are natural products but they’re imparting an unnatural color to my hair. I wouldn’t consider that cheating unless I went around claiming my hair grew out of my head that color.

At any rate, my hair is the color it is in my heart, which makes me happy :o and feels authentic to me.

Best wishes to your mom, elise.autumn :blossom:

Even if it was "cheating"? I wouldn't care. F a world that wants to tell me "sorry, you weren't born attractive, and you have to stay that way because to do otherwise is 'inauthentic'." If I do what I want to do, even if that's to dye my hair bright purple? That's "authentic" (whatever that means. This thread is the first place I've heard that word used to refer to someone's appearance). "Inauthentic" would be me having to pretend I'm something I'm not, or pretend I'm not something I am, because someone else who was lucky enough to be born with good looks, and enjoys the privilege of same, thinks we should all cling to what the universe dealt us.

[MusicalSpoons]

Just wanting to remind everyone that this discussion was very much in the context of specific personal views and values, with absolutely no implication that they should be imposed on anyone else :wink:


Are silicones "cheating", if one aims to have natural hair

Also

My personal goal (in both hair and life) is to achieve underlying health, which results in authentic beauty, rather than masking problems with modern scientific solutions.

With absolutely zero judgement or implication that anyone else *ought* to feel the same way :)

[stardust lady]

Just wanting to remind everyone that this discussion was very much in the context of specific personal views and values, with absolutely no implication that they should be imposed on anyone else :wink:



Also


With absolutely zero judgement or implication that anyone else *ought* to feel the same way :)

Thanks for pointing this out. I mean no disrespect to elise.autumn at all, and fully support her and anyone else wishing to embark on a journey towards more health and wellness, which is a fantastic thing to do with your time. I think for me, and maybe others here, cultural ideas about natural beauty can become a bit tiring after a while, and confining. I feel like we get inundated with ideas about beauty throughout our lives, like the idea that we should be naturally beautiful, and everything else is "fake". I used to have very naturally beautiful hair, and I have always lived a very healthy lifestyle, but regardless, my virgin hair started to look like a matted mouse soaked in dish water and tangled in a rats nest. It was probably partially due to living in an area with super hard water and super strong sun, maybe partially due to aging, but my underlying health didn't reflect any authentic beauty in this regard. I think sometimes this kind of thing can be difficult for people who don't have as much agency over their bodies, because we are not always in control of our health, despite all our good actions. And to say natural beauty = authentic beauty, is to kind of also imply that beauty achieved through tools such as silicones is inauthentic.

[elise.autumn]

Yes, thank you all for your responses, when I have more time I will read all and respond - but I do want to second what MusicalSpoons said. I trusted you all enough to ask this potentially controversial question, and I appreciate your thoughtful responses and want you to understand I'm not judging anyone. We all have our own ways of taking care of our hair, and I am just trying to understand more about silicones as they relate to my own goals (and anyone else who shares mine).

Also Kat regarding one's born "attractiveness" - I do not think that using silicones cheats in that way, but I also hope that everyone knows they are attractive and valuable as a physical person, mind, and soul, no matter what societal standards may say otherwise. Everyone has something beautiful about them, even if we don't all look like supermodels. And even they have insecurities.

I've battled medium acne for some years of my life, and a few years ago I felt I had to literally hide behind makeup to be around people. I became embarrassed if anyone saw me without makeup. This mindset became unhealthy and I resolved to not wear makeup for an entire month. It was difficult but opened me to the idea that I do not have to look perfect to be beautiful, and that the people around me aren't actually judging how I look like I imagine they are. And if they are, well then, I have even less motivation to wear makeup around then, to prove their standards wrong. Now I wear makeup sometimes for fun and appreciate it as art and self-expression, but I no longer feel I need it to show my face to my friends. Anyway, a slight ramble but perhaps related.

ETA: I am no way suggesting you should not wear makeup. Please understand that. :) I just want to wear makeup because I want to, not because I feel I have to.

[Kat]

People are absolutely treated differently when they're attractive vs when they're not, though, and not only by the opposite sex. And as some people wear makeup to be considered "normal" looking (they have pale skin, or pale eyelashes/eyebrows, or rosacea or scarring, and don't want the staring/questions/sympathy/being treated differently), then it's a bit silly for some to say they should just suck it up if they don't want to be considered "unnatural" or "inauthentic" or "fake"-- especially if those opinions come from people who are considered attractive just by waking up in the morning and have never experienced different treatment, or may not have even seen what it looks like.

Anyway, this thread isn't about clothes or makeup, but, as I said-- if someone wants to do certain things with their hair, that's fine, but it's not "inauthentic" if someone else wants to do otherwise, including if their reasons for using the product or technique are to make their hair manageable.

[esfand]

Is silicones cheating? Nah. We're not born with coconut oil in our hair either, nor hair dye, nor shampoos/conditioners, nor anything else. Is taking extra supplements like biotin and collagen cheating since you're not getting all your nutrients from food? Where you do you stop? I would say do what works for you.

I've read that not only does silicone mask damage, but it can also reduce damage from friction - same with natural oils and protein fillers, they "fill in" damage like silicone does, and also helps prevent damage.

[stardust lady]

Is silicones cheating? Nah. We're not born with coconut oil in our hair either, nor hair dye, nor shampoos/conditioners, nor anything else. Is taking extra supplements like biotin and collagen cheating since you're not getting all your nutrients from food? Where you do you stop? I would say do what works for you.

I've read that not only does silicone mask damage, but it can also reduce damage from friction - same with natural oils and protein fillers, they "fill in" damage like silicone does, and also helps prevent damage.

Exactly! Also, I like to think that everything in the universe, including man-made products, is natural, since everything is governed by the same natural laws and is made of the same fabric of the cosmos (sorry I've been watching Carl Sagan). Some people differentiate "chemical" ingredients from "natural" ingredients, but in reality every single thing is made of chemicals, since chemicals are how matter arranges itself. Natural ingredients can be dangerous, and synthetic ingredients can be incredibly biologically safe and beneficial.

I think silicones are so cool because if you have wavy or curly hair, they give so much slip to the strands, and it reduces the look of "damage", which can oftentimes just be the natural texture of the hair catching on itself and creating frizz. I used silicone and sulfate free products for over a decade, and had terrible hair the whole time, and I thought my hair was so damaged. A stylist informed me that I in fact had little to no damage, but my natural texture created the appearance of damage. Since my hair used to be straight, I wasn't used to dealing with waves. Since incorporating silicones, my hair strands don't catch on each other, they don't create too much volume, and they don't damage each other via friction.

I don't think they are for everybody, but the reality is that they are safe ingredients that have a long history of effective use. I personally can't use SLS, but I find SLES to be a fantastic surfactant that removes silicones, dirt and excess oil, but is gentle enough to keep my scalp happy and my hair moist.

[Butterfly Blue]

I'm in "silicones are just a tool" camp. I got caught up in the "silicones are de evil" cult several years ago, and my hair was much harder to deal with. It tangles up so much! Then I bought some CHI Silk Infusion, and a single drop rubbed between palms, then down the length sandwiched between palms, made combing so much easier. Why make life difficult? Life is naturally difficult enough! I do limit my silicone use to leave-in styling products rather than layering it on with shampoo and conditioner and styling products. A little goes a long way.

You helped me so much with this tip. As I mentioned before, silicones weigh down my hair, but my ends are getting tangled so easily now, that silicones would definitely help. Soooo...I will continue to use my silicone free shampoo and conditioner and use a silicone leave-in on the ends. Brilliant! Thank You!

[The-Young-Maid]

The people who think silicones are cheating must also think that some people have long hair genes. Like nah it's all about maintenance. Regardless of the length my hair requires silicones to be manageable. Thats just my texture. Silicones = easier combing = less damage = longer hair.

Besides, nobody's hair will be completely free of damage/splits. I'd rather use silicones to prevent more damage than have people gatekeeping long hair.

[spidermom]

You helped me so much with this tip. As I mentioned before, silicones weigh down my hair, but my ends are getting tangled so easily now, that silicones would definitely help. Soooo...I will continue to use my silicone free shampoo and conditioner and use a silicone leave-in on the ends. Brilliant! Thank You!

You're welcome! Good luck finding your hair happy place.

[Amapola]

Love the discussion. When I first started growing out my hair, I wanted to go sulfate and cone free. I pursued that for a while but my hair suffered for it. It is so incredibly fragile... I was encouraged by other's good results in using cones so I started back again and wow, the difference for me was incredible. For me and my hair, sulfates and cones work. They may not work for others but they do for me.

I would not consider that cheating, any more than I would consider using a screwdriver (instead of my fingernail) to loosen or tighten a screw to be cheating. It's a tool, and you would use it under some circumstances. There are a lot of products on the market, and it can actually be a lot of fun figuring out which ones work for you and which ones do not. so I guess I would see cones as a tool that happen to work really well for me. I do love reading about how others solve their problems, and how they are using different tools to help them with their hair.