Pressure from relatives/friends/colleagues to chop: support thread

[Lucy McLucyFace]

People in another thread were supportive of this idea. So here's a thread to complain about other people's pressure to cut your hard earned length and to support each other to endure that pressure :eek:
Because the hairs growing out of your head are non of anyone else's business specially when they look as gorgeous as I've seen around here!

I for one am constantly being pressured by my mother (I love you mom but please stop) to chop my hair up to shoulder length shudder: after taking so long to reach waist. I'm not one to give in to pressure but it sure is annoying and sad to have this sort of opposition to my goals from a loved one.

[SelenVinland]

In high school I had long hair and was constantly getting flack from my parents and told I should cut it short because I "never did anything with it". When I cut it short, it was always, "well, don't cut it TOO short...", and now that I'm growing my hair long again they...are upset that I do things with it and want me to wear it down all the time??? I truly don't know what my parents want :shrug: Can't wait to get any kind of significant length to my hair and start getting the comments about cutting it short again!

[Jo Ann]

I finally had to tell my Dear Nana and my Mom that THEY wouldn't have to be the ones who would have to live with my hair. I also reminded them that THEY were never happy with how my hair looked when it was short (my feelings notwithstanding). That pretty much put the kibosh on most of the criticism.

[lapushka]

My parents (the only people I am around) are OK with my hair long. My mom even helps take care of it. In fact, we take care, help take care of each others' hair. Which is pretty neat!

They sometimes joke when I say I've "cut my hair". Because they know it's like a tiny bit (inch) and never short-short.

I like their joking nature; very much. It's not always a serious issue. ;)

But I do understand it can be for some!

[lapis_lazuli]

I know the feeling. My family mostly keeps their mouths shut about it but the “you need to cut that hair!” remarks surface occasionally.

I just try not to internalize their assessments of me. It’s all relative. There isn’t a culture of super long hair here so of course they naturally oppose it. They’re conditioned to feel a certain way and if they want to stay close-minded, that’s their decision. Confidence in your own choices is what matters :flower:

[sipnsun]

My family are very supportive but I have one friend that makes comments when I'm around her. She'll say that insert-name-here needs to cut her hair, it's way too long for her age when in actuality, my hair is much longer. I think that it's her way of trying to tell me I'm too old for long hair so I just laugh and say to each their own. I used to explain that long hair is much easier and quicker to style than short hair but she still says something every... darn... time we are together.

[lapushka]

My family are very supportive but I have one friend that makes comments when I'm around her. She'll say that insert-name-here needs to cut her hair, it's way too long for her age when in actuality, my hair is much longer. I think that it's her way of trying to tell me I'm too old for long hair so I just laugh and say to each their own. I used to explain that long hair is much easier and quicker to style than short hair but she still says something every... darn... time we are together.

Maybe address it seriously once and tell her, "I would appreciate if you stop commenting on my long hair. I know by now that you don't like it, but it's my hair, not yours, my business, and not yours." and then no more, just ignore her comments from then on if she persists.

[BorealBacchante]

I think some people are just hard to please...I had a bob when I met this particular person, and she always talked about how pretty I would be with long hair, that I should grow it, that it would make me look like this or that celebrity. We were coworkers, and I think just about any time we worked together I got to hear about how I would look better with long hair. I quit for unrelated reasons, and I didn't see her for quite some time. We ran into eachother and decided to get coffee, with my hair now being BSL.
She did NOT compliment my now-longish hair, or even comment on it directly, but instead reminisced about my bob and how unique and edgy it was.
I guess in this case it would be "pressure to do anything but what I'm currently choosing to do!" I suspect this aspect of control is often at play, and the desire of "fashionable" people to constantly want to change style?

[Feral_]

I suppose I am lucky that none of my friends or family pressure or comment on my hair. If they did, it’s their problem, not mine. Also if it annoyed them it would make me want to keep growing it even more.. win win :wigtongue

[eresh]

I get it often too.
My mom used to ask me when I'm going to cut it because "it is getting thin isn't it?"
Well no mom, I'm not going to cut it, and yes it is thinner than when I was 20, that's normal aging, no reason to cut.
She does always comment positive on new hairtoys though, and she got a tangleteezer knockoff for herself ;)
Her hair is thin and boblength. When she was young she also had long hair (BSL)

My siter in law is a hairdresser, she commented on my photos, oh you need a haircut...
And a friend of my brother is a hairdresser, she used to ask me everytime she saw me "When you decide to cut your hair, I am the one that can do it right???"
*sigh*

I am not cutting people...let it goooooo ;)

[Bat]

not family related but i did go to the salon and the first thing she said was lets trim a little bit first, I just told her about the no trims challenge and I'll get it trimmed at the end of the year, I don't think she really understood it but didn't bring it up after that

[spidermom]

I don't let people engage me about my hair. If I know it's an issue for somebody, I'll be sure I have it pinned up and maybe even covered with a scarf-wrap of some kind if I know I'm going to see that person. Or I might say something like "I'll think about it," if somebody says I should cut it.

[Iyashikei]

Nowadays I don't hear anything about it, but back when I was in high school I got pressured to cut it by like every aunt in the family every. Damn. Time. On every family meeting they seemed to have reserved half an hour specifically for complaining about it. It didn't matter if I told them it's none of their business, they would not stop until I finally gave in and cut my hair. I didn't even make it to chin length. When I finally decided to grow my hair out again and told my family the first thing one of my aunts told me was I look better with short hair, but luckily my uncle told her I am old enough to decide for myself and I've never heard any complaints from that side of the family ever again.

Last time I got a remark was from my dad a couple of months ago. He suddenly asked me if people at work (I work at a gas station) didn't complain about it, declared my hair to be unkempt solely because of its length and then offered for me to go to his place so he could run a tondeuse over it. Now if anything my clients give me compliments about my hair, I was probably the best kempt of all the people around despite it being a wedding (my dad for example is one to talk) and I would never let him cut my hair because he has terrible taste in my eyes. I just told him I'm growing it even longer and he didn't bring it up again.

[Dark40]

I guess I'm also a lucky one too. I never have my parents, friends, or relatives make those kind of nasty comments about me needing to chop my long hair off, and if they did it would be there problem. It's my hair. They are not the ones that has to take care of it. So, I am growing my hair out very long whether whoever likes it or not.

[leayellena]

you just have to let people know when they crossed the line. threathen with breaking up friendship or so, act like it's over until they apologize, if they apologize accept their friendship back with one condition: they don't care about your look. if they are ashamed to go out with you because of whatever lousy reason, let them go alone and feel lonely. say something like 'it's quarantine' or 'I don't want to catch the corona virus' or so. and stop being available everytime they ring your phone or text u.

[Hexana]

For now I haven't received any commentary regarding the length of my hair or to cut it from family, but I do have a coworker who can't stop complaining about me wearing my hair up all the time. Whenever she remembers she starts nagging me why I wear my hair up at work (office) and every time I explain that my hair used to break a lot when wearing it down and that I want to protect it. One time she even took out my claw clip because she "wanted to see how long it is" (it's not even BSL!). We get along otherwise, but this is starting to piss me off.
We even have another coworker that has almost TBL Long hair and wears it down every day, but she never comments on her hair.

[florenonite]

For now I haven't received any commentary regarding the length of my hair or to cut it from family, but I do have a coworker who can't stop complaining about me wearing my hair up all the time. Whenever she remembers she starts nagging me why I wear my hair up at work (office) and every time I explain that my hair used to break a lot when wearing it down and that I want to protect it. One time she even took out my claw clip because she "wanted to see how long it is" (it's not even BSL!). We get along otherwise, but this is starting to piss me off.
We even have another coworker that has almost TBL Long hair and wears it down every day, but she never comments on her hair.

That is ... overly familiar for a coworker :agape:

Taking your clip out to see how long your hair is is rude coming from anybody, no matter their relationship to you, but the fact that it's a coworker and not close friend/family member adds a layer of "where is your concept of personal space?"

[Hexana]

That is ... overly familiar for a coworker :agape:

Taking your clip out to see how long your hair is is rude coming from anybody, no matter their relationship to you, but the fact that it's a coworker and not close friend/family member adds a layer of "where is your concept of personal space?"

Yep… It was quite invasive, but I just don't like to stir stuff up, so I looked a bit annoyed, but refrained from saying anything.

[sipnsun]

Maybe address it seriously once and tell her, "I would appreciate if you stop commenting on my long hair. I know by now that you don't like it, but it's my hair, not yours, my business, and not yours." and then no more, just ignore her comments from then on if she persists.

I really wish I was more assertive! I'm very passive though so that's probably why she does it, she knows she can get away with it. I actually quit seeking out her company because it got so bothersome.

[lapushka]

Nowadays I don't hear anything about it, but back when I was in high school I got pressured to cut it by like every aunt in the family every. Damn. Time. On every family meeting they seemed to have reserved half an hour specifically for complaining about it. It didn't matter if I told them it's none of their business, they would not stop until I finally gave in and cut my hair. I didn't even make it to chin length. When I finally decided to grow my hair out again and told my family the first thing one of my aunts told me was I look better with short hair, but luckily my uncle told her I am old enough to decide for myself and I've never heard any complaints from that side of the family ever again.

Last time I got a remark was from my dad a couple of months ago. He suddenly asked me if people at work (I work at a gas station) didn't complain about it, declared my hair to be unkempt solely because of its length and then offered for me to go to his place so he could run a tondeuse over it. Now if anything my clients give me compliments about my hair, I was probably the best kempt of all the people around despite it being a wedding (my dad for example is one to talk) and I would never let him cut my hair because he has terrible taste in my eyes. I just told him I'm growing it even longer and he didn't bring it up again.

The English word (just wanting to help out :D) is "clippers". HTH! I just added that in because people here might not understand, I mean not at all. :lol:

[lapushka]

I really wish I was more assertive! I'm very passive though so that's probably why she does it, she knows she can get away with it. I actually quit seeking out her company because it got so bothersome.

Oh that's too bad. :( Yeah, we're not all the same, and that's OK; perfectly understand that!