"Hair dysphoria" and dissatisfaction

[purple_omelette]

Anyone else here suffer from what I'm going to tentatively call 'hair dysphoria'? Where you feel like your hair is thinner and shorter than it objectively is? For example, my hair is well past TBL and solidly medium thickness, yet it feels subjectively shorter to me than it did at waist-length (before I decided I wanted to actively grow it). And my braid always feels so thin to me, even though I know objectively that it is not. Any tips on how to deal with this?

(also, apologies for the made-up term in the thread title, I felt it was the most accurate descriptor of what I'm trying to explain!)

[BleachedBerry]

I do believe I have suffered from this. Always thinking I had "short" hair. Then looking back at pictures I can't even recognizing my own hair.
My hair is BSL currently and I feel extremely short even when I know short hair is above the shoulders. and extremely short is like a pixie. I feel like I won't be satisfied untill my hair is solid tailbone length with a thick full hemline.
Honestly I don't know if I would even realize it and continue believing I have short hair.

[lostchyld]

A couple weeks ago, I was complaining that my hair was taking forever to reach BSL. I honestly thought that I had been growing for longer than two years. Yesterday, I realized that I’m on track to reach waist by winter. And to support that, today’s Facebook memory from two years ago clearly shows me with hair that wasn’t even chin length. I’m sure of the timing of the photo, because it was showing off my current glasses frames.

So above chin to nearly waist in two years. I’ve been putting it in updos for a few months now and it doesn’t behave well until at least BSL. So objectively, I knew. But it was in my head that I was still closer to shoulder than BSL. And I was ready to just buzz it again out of frustration.

[Larke]

I feel personally called out by this. :lol: I've struggled to grow my hair out all my life and before discovering LHC, it never got bast BSL tops. Now it's at waist and a little thin around the edges for sure, but definitely not awful. Yet I constantly feel like it's as hopeless as it was two years ago, and I always feel like I'm at my terminal length. Sometimes I look back at recent photos or videos of myself and I'm shocked at the lovely mane that virtual other me has. It's kinda fun sometimes, but mostly frustrating. I wonder if that will change once I do grow out the damage I still have...

[JennGalt]

I’m noticing more and more “short days“ the longer my hair gets. Days on which my hair seems short even though I can look in a mirror and see my ends brushing mid-butt.

[Sarahlabyrinth]

Yes, I definitely think it can be a thing. I certainly still get "short" days, even at calf length!

[Eleanor_]

I have the opposite problem! In my head it's growing really quickly, but when I measured it yesterday I've lost an inch since last month? I probably just measured it wrong last time, but it's still a bit weird.

[Bri-Chan]

For years I thought I have extremely thin hair. I already knew my ponytail circumference and I knew I am a ii (~2,9 inches) so average and not thin.
But I wasn't that wrong, my hair is thin for my geographic area, here is common to have at least 3.6 inches. But I was wrong thinking that my hair was terrible because of my pony.

[purple_omelette]

I'm glad I'm not alone! I was starting to think I was slightly mad... Thank you to everyone who has posted a response so far, I can see it really has nothing to do with how long or thick your hair actually is, and seems to be more a state of mind.

[Milynn]

I can definitely relate to this, especially after some what recent damage caused by bleach - I cut from tail bone to waist+ and cannot seem to get over its' "shortness". I personally did think at that point (tbl) that it was overgrown for me anyway, my ideal is about hip length. My BF didn't really even realize I cut before I mentioned... thus, the change is hardly dramatic and my hair tends to grow 1,5 - 1,8 cm per month, meaning it won't take long until it is hip again. Still, I have a feeling that is is abysmally short :D

Same also with thickness. My hair is iii with medium to coarse strands, used to be circ. 5.3 inch, but due to (mostly) seasonal shedding and brief but severe infection it has thinned a little, currently being 4.8 inches. Still growing side bangs out, which might not really go all in high pony, though. But for last three months after bleach I have been absolutely sure that all my hair is thinning - those strands above shoulders as well. I was completely ready to call my hair very thin. After measuring it yesterday, it's circumference still is exactly same 4.8 inches...

During these three months after the bleach damage I have at times got these horrible - but passing - thoughts that my hair is so damaged that I need to cut it completely off. Its very depressing; it does not help that I go through all the check points in my head (it's not straw-like, it has shine, it holds waves as it used to, it's soft, it does not have split ends and only under five white spots, occasionally. It has (apparently) minor breakage (~5 -10 strands) during brushing, which is the culprit here for these thoughts. Hardly reason to "cut it all out" though. Yet, the "rationality" does not seem to help.

Mind is very peculiar thing when it decides something.

[Kalamazoo]

Do the hair follicles ever shrink, like in tellogen phase? Some days, I think my hair measures noticeably shorter than the previous day.

[DropStitches]

Do the hair follicles ever shrink, like in tellogen phase? Some days, I think my hair measures noticeably shorter than the previous day.

That's interesting - I hadn't heard of that. Sometimes I definitely feel like my hair has got shorter - I put it down to some days being wavier than others.

I definitely experience hair 'dysphoria' ('dysphairia' maybe?!), especially in this dreaded buzzcut grow-out phase. I absolutely cannot wait till I can just put it up and forget about it. I find it kind of comforting, in a strange way, to hear that even those of you whose hair I consider very long struggle with this.

[Bat]

This I relate to this! I had gender dysphoria that receeded a bit after I had chest surgery, but now I do have 'hair dysphoria' I don't feel I'll be happy till it atleast gets to waist, I'm goth but I feel like such a fake cause it's short, even though short hairs can be goth. the mind is a silly thing.

[Stray_mind]

I hate how thin my hair looks and feels, while other people comment it looks thick.
I guess i suffer hair "dysphoria".

[meepster]

Anyone else here suffer from what I'm going to tentatively call 'hair dysphoria'? Where you feel like your hair is thinner and shorter than it objectively is? For example, my hair is well past TBL and solidly medium thickness, yet it feels subjectively shorter to me than it did at waist-length (before I decided I wanted to actively grow it). And my braid always feels so thin to me, even though I know objectively that it is not. Any tips on how to deal with this?

(also, apologies for the made-up term in the thread title, I felt it was the most accurate descriptor of what I'm trying to explain!)

I'm kinda starting to think that I had a touch of that with respect to thickness last time I tried growing out my hair. I was sure it was thinner than it actually was. I can't verify thickness now because my hair is way too short for any sort of ponytail, but I know I felt that my hair was thin when it was longer.

[Sora Rose]

I guess I suffer from this. I always feel like my hair is shorter than it is and that it's not growing hardly at all even if I went from BSL to TB in a perfectly reasonable amount of time. I never believe it when people tell me 'my hair is so long' and always tell them it isn't really, even if it's clearly TB length. My opinion of 'long' seems to change with every new milestone I hit, keeping my hair 'short' in my own mind.

Although when I see pictures of it, I'm genuinely surprised at how long it looks. :rolleyes:

[Lady_Eowyn]

I can definitely relate to this. My hair is medium thick, and when I see the braid in the mirror or in the picture it looks ok to me, but when I feel it - it feels extraordinary thin. The same is with length - some days I feel my hair so short, as if barely past shoulder length (although it's almost BSL).
Funny feeling.

[0xalis]

I used to feel this way, back when I was growing in HS, but it's entirely different for me now.
My hair feels longer than it actually is, because I'm not used to it being this long! So it's like the exact opposite problem... weird.

[lapushka]

Try and get to a length where you actually, physically... sit on it. There it all goes; sends you right back to reality. :lol: ;)

[MusicalSpoons]

I did feel my hair was shorter than it really was until about solid, unstretched knee length. When it actually looked knee without having to really shake it out or comb it, then my perception and reality finally aligned :lol:

[splitends]

I suffer with this! I have been growing my hair for 2 years and I feel like I never see hair growth even though I’ve gone from CBL to past BSL recently.

I catch myself asking everyone “does my hair look good?” “has my hair grown?” and taking lots of progress pictures

[lapushka]

I suffer with this! I have been growing my hair for 2 years and I feel like I never see hair growth even though I’ve gone from CBL to past BSL recently.

I catch myself asking everyone “does my hair look good?” “has my hair grown?” and taking lots of progress pictures

That is usually how you catch LHC'itis. It's going to catch you off guard, mark my words! ;) :p

[dagny]

I do this also. I think my hair is not really "long" and then I will happen to catch a glance of myself in a mirror while I am doing something else and am so surprised at how long my hair looks!

[Bat]

I do this also. I think my hair is not really "long" and then I will happen to catch a glance of myself in a mirror while I am doing something else and am so surprised at how long my hair looks!

I really love your hair that color is lovely and I like how the light catches on the wurly parts

[Jools69]

The abyss between certain hair measurements, eg. APL and BSL, and BSL/MBL and WL, I think are prime examples - the hair is long in comparison to shorter lengths, but sometimes it feels it isn’t as long and it’s difficult to see.

For me, I think in part it’s when I look at my reflection side on in the mirror. Having a u-shaped hemline, I’m only seeing the shorter sides in the mirror this way. Additionally, when I take length pictures, I’m always aware the angle of my head can give different length impressions. It’s not until I feel my hair on my bare back that I realise how long it is!

Another thing that may give ‘hair dysphoria’ is attempting some hairstyles, i.e. updos, where I don’t have enough hair to complete or doesn’t look the same, in comparison to people with much longer hair. I know my hair is long in comparison to some and I’m happy with my progress so far, but as with cases of LHCitis, I can’t wait for it to be even longer!:D

[Elizabeth E]

My hair doesn't feel "too short" anymore, but yeah, I go through stages when I feel like it's way thinner than it actually is. I think a lot of that also has to do with my density being unevenly distributed - my hair is very dense on the top and back but significantly sparser at the temples, which tends to bother me when I have it pulled back.

[florenonite]

The abyss between certain hair measurements, eg. APL and BSL, and BSL/MBL and WL, I think are prime examples - the hair is long in comparison to shorter lengths, but sometimes it feels it isn’t as long and it’s difficult to see.

Yeah, APL to BSL on me is over a year, which is a long time for a length that I dislike on me (I like shoulder to collarbone-ish, and then nothing until midback).

Interestingly, I looked back at some old pictures and my hair is the same length now as it was when I got about 6" cut off a year and a half ago. At that time, my hair felt like the perfect length. It had gotten long enough that my braid was in danger of falling in the litter box every time I emptied it, and buns were heavy and uncomfortable if I didn't position them just so, but 6" off and it was still long enough to plait comfortably (without the hair tie hitting me in the face at karate) and do my favourite buns.

Now that I've been growing out from shoulder length, though, it still feels short. Part of that is because I'm also growing out an undershave, which is just brushing shoulder and is therefore too short to fit into my braids (but far too long to just leave out), but even the rest of the length feels too short. I think it's because growing out to this length, I've spent the last year with hair too short for most buns and braids, whereas when I cut to this length my hair had simply felt too long all the time, so the perspective was different.

[sipnsun]

I can definitely relate to this, I still feel like my hair is short but people who haven't seen me in awhile always comment on how long it is or how much it's grown. My journey is taking forever because it's so fine and thin that I get to a certain length and feel like I need to cut it to thicken the hemline and start over. It's been a viscous cycle for years.

[KokoroDragon]

I've experienced this too. Currently my hair is just past APL, which doesn't feel much longer than shoulder. But yesterday I took my first length shot, and it looks so long from the back! I was honestly shocked at how long it looked, even though I knew it was that long. I guess seeing it is different from knowing how many inches it is.

Also, years ago when I had waist+ length hair in elementary school, I remember the teacher split us into groups based on hair length once. I was struggling to figure out if I belonged in the "short" or "medium" group, until a friend pulled me into the "long" group with her.

[RunOnCaffeine]

I get this. If I didn't know otherwise, I'd say my hair is armpit/bra because that's the length it feels to me, not hip.

[dagny]

I really love your hair that color is lovely and I like how the light catches on the wurly parts

Bat,

Thank you so much for your kind words. I have been following your post about your hair journey and I am cheering you on to your growth victory! :-)

[Corvana]

I feel like dysmorphia might be closer to the right term? Dysphoria is the opposite of euphoria (so it's more like a Big Sad), while dysmorphia is when you see or perceive a flaw in your human suit.

Anyway, yes absolutely. I've always thought my hair was thin (it isn't), and still think that all the time, because everyone I know has incredibly thick hair (one of my in-laws got an undercut and her remaining hair is still thicker than mine, and I'm like :confused: how?! So many hair?! I must therefore have No Hair right? Because your half-head of hair is more than mine?? But no, that's stupid). I keep thinking my hair isn't very long, either, until it does something it couldn't do when it really was as long as I think it is (such as fall partway into the sink while I'm washing dishes because I didn't put it up).

Like, I'll notice that my hair is in my lap, and then a few minutes later I'll catch a glimpse of it or see someone else with very long hair and think "my hair is still so short..."

It's absolutely not short, but I just can't see that most of the time. I do have a hypothesis for that in my own personal case, though! When I see it down, I'm usually standing and I pull it over my shoulder. Then it's gotta fall over my chest and belly and like... I'm a chunky lass and so there's some real estate to get over :laugh: That definitely "eats" some of the length, plus my hair is wavy and the ends are literally always looped upwards into either a J or a full on U :rollin: I lose a good 2-4 inches, literally, from that aspect of my hair alone.

Usually when I see it from the side I'm like "hot dang my hair is so long!" because I don't see my hair behind me very often. That tends to help when I'm feeling like it's short.

[0xalis]

I'm really feeling this right now. The longest parts of my hair, because I have a U hemline, are shoulder length but the sides are mid-neck and my bangs are chin length. It feels like all my hair is still only chin length :(
But I know if it was actually chin length I would not be able to do as many updos as I can right now. I think my hair looks weird down, only looks good up, because of the length difference.
Part of me wants to chop everything back to chin length so all my hair will be one length, but then I know I would regret it.
My U hemline is going to look AMAZING when my hair is longer, but right now it looks so weird because my hair is so short! U hemlines only look good on hair that is APL or longer in my experience...
Blunt straight-across hemlines, or "reverse U" hemlines in which the front is longer than the back, are much better for short hair....

[Mariekeeee14]

I feel this to my core. Or felt it I guess. My hair was hip length or thereabouts, and my usual conditioner changed its formula. I didn't notice until a year later and by then the damage was done. Literally. I struggled for half a year after that and then I found LHC, thank the long hair gods. All the damage had to be cut off, it happened gradually so I ended up at BSL. In my head I never left hip, but the mirror revealed the truth. It felt SO short. And now it's suddenly almost waist. Just a couple more months. So at first I was struggling adjusting to the shortness, and now again to the fact I have length again. It's weird how the brain and self image works.

[CuteCrow]

I feel like dysmorphia might be closer to the right term? Dysphoria is the opposite of euphoria (so it's more like a Big Sad), while dysmorphia is when you see or perceive a flaw in your human suit.

I was just about to say that. I think some people here are feeling "dysphoria" while others are feeling something more like dysmorphia. To give some examples with hair, dysphoria would be feeling generally quite unhappy with your hair disliking its "flaws" but not particularly thinking they are worse than what they actually are.
Dysmorphia is what OP described, feeling your hair is short when it's clearly objeticably long or thinner/frizzier than it is.

I have to say I do feel some sort of dysmorphia towards my hair, often in the form of feeling it's not curly at all and it's obviously curly even if they are not tight curls. Also, I constantly feel like my hair is extremely thin, it is fine and somewhat thin but not to the extreme I feel it is! oh, well...

[Steffykittens]

I am usually happy with my hair until someone says something ridiculous that makes me question everything. Like I have 2c/3a curly hair and then someone will "correct" me to tell me it is "just wavy." There's nothing at all wrong with wavy hair but I have tons of ringlets and corkicelli curls so it is just not me! Or someone will insist that my hair is shoulder length when it is visibly past my mid-back.

[pisinoe]

I definitely feel this as well. My hair is waist now and it feels shorter than when it was APL for some reason. And some weeks I am disgusted by it and want to cut it all off cause I think it looks dry and horrible but I've been good at stopping my impulses, which wasn't the case in the past. Trying to forget about it helps a lot.

[AutobotsAttack]

Yeah I go through this a lot. Doesn’t help that during certain points in time throughout the day or weeks, or months, my hair can shrink anywhere up to a few inches, or a full on foot. I’m passed Classic, but in my head, and often times visually, my hair appears to be at hip length consistently. But others will be like “Woah! Dude your hair is to/passed your butt!”

So I usually just take a minute to step back and get out of my head.

[Bat]

Bat,

Thank you so much for your kind words. I have been following your post about your hair journey and I am cheering you on to your growth victory! :-)

:O thank you! A long hard journey but I am excited to see where it leads

[Bat]

I'm really feeling this right now. The longest parts of my hair, because I have a U hemline, are shoulder length but the sides are mid-neck and my bangs are chin length. It feels like all my hair is still only chin length :(
But I know if it was actually chin length I would not be able to do as many updos as I can right now. I think my hair looks weird down, only looks good up, because of the length difference.
Part of me wants to chop everything back to chin length so all my hair will be one length, but then I know I would regret it.
My U hemline is going to look AMAZING when my hair is longer, but right now it looks so weird because my hair is so short! U hemlines only look good on hair that is APL or longer in my experience...
Blunt straight-across hemlines, or "reverse U" hemlines in which the front is longer than the back, are much better for short hair....

I feel like I've been at chin for years, ( it's been there maybe 6 months) it's past it just but really until I hit shoulder anything before that is chin

[Fimu]

Yes, I think I caught some kind of hair dysmorphia, but more in regards of hair health. I have always had split ends but I started to get obsessed with and more bothered by it once I got rid off the heat damaged part and was disappointed my hair was still damaged. And in other hair communities people are like no splits >> length, but hopefully this forum can give me some relativism because a fair amount of splits is inevitable after a certain length, and I read there are people here who are able to grow very long hair despite not S&D'ing all the splits and white dots.

I need to regain trust and satisfaction about my hair (hip-length curly hair is already less common in my area)

[ArtOfNoot]

My hair is in that abyss between BSL and WL. I'm constantly thinking "Oh right now wouldn't suck if I had longer hair" or "I'd be prettier if my hair was at my goal length". It kinda dampens things and can ruin a good day :(

[Bat]

This is me right this second my Color remover didn't do its job it's patchy and green I'm sitting in my room with a hoodie on on the dark, it's that bad, I can fix it I just have to wait until I get a toner tomorrow

[ArtOfNoot]

This is me right this second my Color remover didn't do its job it's patchy and green I'm sitting in my room with a hoodie on on the dark, it's that bad, I can fix it I just have to wait until I get a toner tomorrow

I hope you find the color you're looking for soon! :disco:
What color are you aiming for?

[Jools69]

My hair is in that abyss between BSL and WL. I'm constantly thinking "Oh right now wouldn't suck if I had longer hair" or "I'd be prettier if my hair was at my goal length". It kinda dampens things and can ruin a good day :(

It is indeed an abyss between BSL/MBL and WL. At times I think my hair is shorter than it is, even though it’s still growing and seems to be so close to waist now!

[Bat]

I hope you find the color you're looking for soon! :disco:
What color are you aiming for?

Not sure just something that I can grow out and it looks intentionally colored that way

[Kathie]

Not sure just something that I can grow out and it looks intentionally colored that way

Just yesterday I saw someone with brown roots and blue ends and it looked awesome! So just throwing that out there.

The different shades of blue look pretty neat as they fade out too.

https://hairmotive.com/blue-ombre-hair/

[Kathie]

Bat I do wonder. Why not dye it black and touch up your roots with a black deposit dye... this will also counteract any fading on the ends. I ask because you say you don't like your natural colour... you don't have to have it. You definitely have a choice. You say that you like black, why not go for it! :flower:

[Bat]

Bat I do wonder. Why not dye it black and touch up your roots with a black deposit dye... this will also counteract any fading on the ends. I ask because you say you don't like your natural colour... you don't have to have it. You definitely have a choice. You say that you like black, why not go for it! :flower:

I want to try Hendigo but I've read it's better to do it on hair that doesn't have chemical dyes it's really the only reason I was trying to grow it out, though I went to the salon and was basically told dyeing it black is the only way to fix it but I don't want to go back to where I started but with more hair damage z

[Kathie]

I want to try Hendigo but I've read it's better to do it on hair that doesn't have chemical dyes it's really the only reason I was trying to grow it out, though I went to the salon and was basically told dyeing it black is the only way to fix it but I don't want to go back to where I started but with more hair damage z

Got it, that makes sense.

Its like the last hurrah with hair dye, getting it to a colour that you're happy to grow it out.:thumbsup::hollie:

[Bat]

Got it, that makes sense.

Its like the last hurrah with hair dye, getting it to a colour that you're happy to grow it out.:thumbsup::hollie:

Yep and something slightly lighter so I can actually see my hair growing C:

[Kathie]

Yep and something slightly lighter so I can actually see my hair growing C:

That is one thing I liked about dying my hair... the obvious growth at the roots.

[Bat]

That is one thing I liked about dying my hair... the obvious growth at the roots.

I used to hate it but now I'm actively growing my hair so it's nice to see progress