Cut my hair off or not, dilemma

[Loveletters]

Hey there. My hair is very damaged. Splits all over, dry, coarse. It used to be beautiful, shiny and healthy until I got an eating disorder and depression, which pretty much cut me off of nutrients and vitamin D for about 3-4 years. My hair started breaking off, horribly. On top of that, it’s naturally very tangly so it breaks off too when I brush it. But the thing is, I love my hair a lot. It’s hip length now. And it took me 9 years to grow it from chin to hip, pretty much half of my childhood. I’m attached to it and it’s a special part of me and my identity. It almost has some kind of spiritual value to me. Lately, people started pointing out how bad my hair looks, telling me I need to get it cur because the damage is too obvious. This hurts a little, especially since I tried to care for it even while I was doing bad. Personally, I am doing way better nowadays but my hair just keeps on doing worse and worse. I tried everything to save it, but it doesn’t help as long as it keeps breaking off anyway. Should I cut it off? It’s such a hard decision... I know I have to choose what to do myself, but some advice couldn’t hurt I suppose! Thanks in advance. <3

[Chromis]

Maybe cut out the people that are being such jerks as to tell you to cut off your hair instead. Seriously?! If you wish to cut our damage all at once, that is a perfectly reasonable choice, but it is something you should do because you want to, not because someone is running their mouth and giving unwanted opinions. Those kind will just find something else to pick on anyhow be it your hair. clothing, weight, etc.

If you lurk around here you can find loads of good tips for how to keep your hair in nice condition. Many people have successfully microtrimmed to get rid of damage for example.

[cjk]

Cutting out the damaged bits does make sense. You mentioned split ends and so forth. There is a technique around here called search and destroy, you trim the individual hairs. Obviously it takes longer but you usually don't lose any overall length in the process.

As you said, it took you nine years to grow your hair and it holds significance to you. Because of that I suggest you not cut it off. Unless you actually want to.

How far up does the damage go?

[0xalis]

I didn't regret starting fresh when I destroyed my hair with bleach at 16. There's something liberating about a brand new beginning.
I'm starting fresh again because I had several buzz cuts last year, and I don't regret that either, it was enjoyable at the time.
It can be very hard to let go of hair, it is a body part after all, so it is entirely up to you. Regardless of what you choose, it will grow back.
If you don't want to go all in, just maintain the length you're at, cutting off little bits at a time while the new hair grows in.

[Kat]

When you say it "just keeps on doing worse and worse," what do you mean? Do you mean that as your hair grows, the new hair is not growing in healthy? Or just that the damaged parts keep getting more damaged? Do you always wear it down, or pulled back/up? If the former, can you do the latter for a while, both to help keep it out of the way/protected, and so other people can't see the damage as much to give you a hard time? What is your level of frustration with the damage/upkeep vs. having it long? What is the shortest you could tolerate cutting it to?

[Laurab]

First of all, so glad to hear you're doing better. All of that isn't easy, and It's even harder to see physical representations of how difficult of a time you were having. But the good news is hair keeps growing, and I'm sure you're going to keep on getting better and keep learning to take better care of your hair, and before long it'll look better than ever.


Anyway, onto your question. Hm, that's a tough one.

On the one hand, you mentioned more reasons to keep your hair long than you have to cut it off. How long it took, that you love it, that you feel connected to it. All of that is important.

However, it also sounds like it's causing some discomfort. I 100% feel it's on those people to not comment on your hair, but I don't want to put all of the work on you to just stop caring, if it hurts it hurts.
Cuts can also be a fresh start, you might feel better after cutting it.

One good thing is there's no reason you'd have to cut it all the way back to chin. Even 1-2 inches might be enough to make a difference. I know a lot of people like micro-trims, where you just trim 1/4 inch a month to let the damage grow out slowly. It takes patience, but for some people it works.
If I were you, I'd probably do a small trim just to see how I felt about it. Honestly, you're not going to know how you feel about getting the damage off until you do it. But then again, you can't exactly put hair back on when you've cut it, so still be cautious.

Best of luck to you, sending good vibes.

[Jane99]

Firstly, I hope you are starting to feel better and begin recovery from the depression and disordered eating. It’s a process aa you know and not every day is great but hopefully your happier and well days start to outnumber the more difficult ones.

I’m sorry to hear people are telling you to cut your hair. That sounds like a painful thing to hear, especially if you feel attached it it as part of your identity. It also sounds like you are frustrated with the condition. If your hair is still hip length, it must be in somewhat good condition or else I would think more may have broken off. I think you have more options than a. Maintain hair in current condition at current length or b. Cut it off. Like others have said, you can do microtrims, s&d, give your hair some regular deep treatments, oil the ends, maybe you hair would benefit from protein or moisture... changing your brushing habits... lots of options. Or not make any decisions for a while until you know what you want. There’s the two week rule thread on here too! For people debating hair decisions.

[Iyashikei]

How far does the damage go? I agree with the others on that it's your choice but it seems like you have some trouble deciding yourself. Maybe trim off a small part and see how you feel about that? Also Jane99 above me has some great tips you can experiment with. One tip I could give you if you decide to not cut it is that it's YOUR hair, not someone elses. They don't have to deal with it on a daily basis even if they ultimately mean well, so you do you boo.

[Tinyponies]

Hi there :heart:

Chromis gave excellent advice!

I would echo what’s been asked above -
How do you usually wear your hair? I’m guessing it’s down a lot if you’re getting that many comments on it. How about wearing it up and away for a few months to see how that helps? My hair (2a, F) would tangle and break and dry out really soon if I wore it down more than once in a while.

But add this: how about while you find ways to retain moisture, ways to detangle super gently, ways to wear your hair up in a protective style (which for a finey probably means buns if you can manage one at your thickness - not too tight, and with the added bonus that then they won’t see your ends anyway), you treat this damaged part as practice hair. Because even though you’ve been through your health issues, it might be that you need to learn some more skills to help your hair stay healthy at the long length of hip. Otherwise there’s the risk that you’ll cut now and then run into the same issues next time you get back to this length.

Your profile says you’re a fine-haired, borderline wavy longhair so you might find that once your hair isn’t so dry any more you get some more waves going on, which would account for some of the tanglies too.

You have youth on your side, and thick hair (it sounds lovely). I can relate to not wanting to cut, and say that if you don’t want to, then don’t. Immerse yourself in lhc rabbit hole for a while, ask questions as much as you need and I’ve a feeling you’ll start seeing some improvement.

Best wishes to you <3

[nyholev]

I pretty much agree with all of these replies and these wonderful people helped made me earlier to decide not to cut my damaged parts :heart: I thought that even thought the hair is pretty thin in the ends, it does still look good in braids and buns so I'm leaving it be, caring it the best I can and continue calling myself longhaired!

(Dont cut it :))

[SleepyTangles]

If the idea of cutting your hair doesn't make you Happy, you don't have to :flower:! Making other people more comfortable is not good enough as a reason.

Instead of doing a big chop, why don't you maintain hip lenght for a year or so? You can trim off old damage la by little, 1 cm per month, and at the same time condition and protect your length with treatments, oils and protective hairstyles :D

[Kake]

Maybe cut out the people that are being such jerks as to tell you to cut off your hair instead. Seriously?! If you wish to cut our damage all at once, that is a perfectly reasonable choice, but it is something you should do because you want to, not because someone is running their mouth and giving unwanted opinions. Those kind will just find something else to pick on anyhow be it your hair. clothing, weight, etc.

If you lurk around here you can find loads of good tips for how to keep your hair in nice condition. Many people have successfully microtrimmed to get rid of damage for example.

I agree with this, you can never keep these people happy.

[lapushka]

Sounds to me that even despite what damage there is, you cherish that length. And that is important and key. Not what others think. Not that you should hide your hair, or anything, but if you get tired of the comments, you can always learn updos here. This way at least they're off your back! <sigh of relief>

Good luck. And good for you for doing better (health wise). :D

[spidermom]

Yes - do what is right for you, not what is right for the people around you. Do some deep conditioning treatments and learn some up-styles to protect the length.

[Loveletters]

Hey everyone! Sorry for the late reply, I'm very busy with school at the moment. Last year of high school, whew! We have quite a lot left to do in my country. Anyways, I read all the replies. The damage goes up to just below my shoulders, because they splits keep on creeping up. It's... Pretty bad haha. I trim my hair regularly, an inch or 2 every 3 months, but even this doesn't seem to solve the problem. My healthy hair just seems to keep on breaking off once it grows below my shoulders, partly because it's so tangly. I almost always wear my hair in a braid that's not too loose and not too tight, except for special occasions. Tying it up hurts my scalp because my length is quite heavy and I do not own hair sticks. And down in just a no go. But even when braided, people notice the damage. People who are close to me, like my grandma and my classmates (when school was still opened), but also people I hardly know like my new physiotherapist... I condition my hair once a week (I wash it only once a week too). This makes the damage less obvious for a day or 2 and then after those 2 days it's like the effect of the conditioner just washes off again, and we're back to normal. It's just, hopeless. I guess. Sigh.

[elfynity]

Maybe cut out the people that are being such jerks as to tell you to cut off your hair instead.
Totally agree too!




Because even though you’ve been through your health issues, it might be that you need to learn some more skills to help your hair stay healthy at the long length of hip. Otherwise there’s the risk that you’ll cut now and then run into the same issues next time you get back to this length.

This exactly and everything everyone else said.

You have nothing to lose to keep your hair and work with what you have. You honestly could just discover that perhaps something like clarifying your hair, for example, could land up resolving alot of the dry looking ends - you just don't know yet - there is still so much to try and discover. The big chop can be the last thing on the list. I highly suggest you take a few months to a year at least to learn what your hair likes and develop a routine that is working and then decide whether a full chop is necessary.

I didn't cut off my BSL hair, but started microtrimming. My hair health has greatly improved and my hair has grown.

And I agree with everyone else, wear it up -> and everyone else who had an opinion before can rather have an opinion about their own hair. Buns are so pretty and protective and there are tons of beautiful hair toys you can buy!

[longhairedlady]

I have cut my hair drastically several times, and it was a big change. Most of the time i am happy with whatever length i have. If you decide to cut do it because YOU want shorter length not because some jerks are o er opinionated. I bet your hair is just lovely! Its hard to be happy so you do what makes you happy.

[lapushka]

Loveletters, when I was about 16/17, I had about 6 months of "almost" dealing with an eating disorder. Because of eating / not eating, the whole back and forth, I lost about 1/4th of my thickness. I had long hair at the time as well, and even had pictures taken at that time (class pictures, and singles). It didn't look bad at all to me looking back on it.

Don't let anyone tell you your hair looks bad! Ever! :flower:

[oldrocker]

Where is that dang 'Like' button for Chromis' answer. Even though I've gone through this awkward phase before, trying to get it long enough for even a ponytail seems to take forever. A lady I work with reminded me that the negative replies(and sometimes even with interactive conversations, the thoughtless people's answers are just 'replies') are worth less than nothing. Even if they are not parroting what they think everyone else thinks, their opinion is just a waste of their breath.

Do what you want, regardless. Isn't that all that matters now and in the end?

Sincerely,

(C-rap...forgot I don't have a signature here)

Oldrocker.

[GoddesJourney]

Maybe if you condition twice a week, even if you wash only ok once, you will feel better about it and stick it out longer.

[Jane99]

Congratulations on your last year in high school! I feel bad that seniors this year won’t have the proms, parties, or graduation ceremonies that are traditional but on the flip side, the whole world is with you and wishing you the best with your future and whatever is next.
I wonder if a mid-week deep treatment might help? Or protein treatment if you were dietarily deficient for a while? I know many people are cautious about protein because it can make things worse if you don’t need it, but it can help you hold moisture better if you are deficient, and give your hair some strength too. Just thoughts. Or also maybe hard water is a problem for you and ACV might help remedy this or distilled water final rinse when washing?

[Kalamazoo]

I agree 1,000% with everybody else.

I think you definitely should NOT cut your hair right now. Remember that some people's critical comments are sometimes reverse admiration, back-handed compliments. (They may be secretly admiring your length, but not being kind enough to give you a compliment, go the sour grapes route instead. Remember that Æsop's fable about the fox who was jumping, trying to get a cluster of grapes hanging high on the grapevine, couldn't reach them, & finally walked away, saying, "They're probably sour, anyway.")

Long hair is invaluable. It takes sooooooooooo long to grow!

S&D is a lifesaver. Splurge on a good sharp pair of hair-cutting scissors, sit in good light, & just trim each damaged hair 2 mm shorter than where the damage starts. It takes time, but it's kind of soothing, like meditation. You can think while you're doing it, "I'm fixing the problem. I'm making my hair more beautiful than it already is. And I'm not shortening it at all! Just taking care of the splits."

I love my hair. I've had past haircuts that made me very unhappy & took AGES to grow out.

I'll bet your hair's gorgeous ~ on a good day, under the right light, when artfully arranged. Hair changes every minute. There's a thread on that someplace. (Lapushka, I think you started that thread, "Your hair is always different." I can't seem to find it right now.)

If your hair's tangly, you might want to get a detangler spray or make a natural one out of herbs. I personally like oiling my knots while I gently comb them out. (Really, take time for your hair. It's so soothing. It can really take the edge off other problems in life...)

[spidermom]

Are you sure what you are seeing is breakage? Every day you grow in new hairs, and before they get long enough to flow downward, those new hairs stick out all over the place. I went through a lot of stress last year, which caused me to shed a lot of my hair. I have thousands of new hairs right now, and my head looks like a dandelion going to seed.

Perhaps your eating disorder caused you to shed like I did?

[Kalamazoo]

Oh yeah. And is your hair at all curly or wavy? One beautician informed me I had split ends all over the place, twisted my hair into thin ropes, & ran her scissors up & down the sides of each rope, trimming off anything that was sticking out, claiming she was cutting off the splits. Um, ur, hair with any kind of curl pattern, the ends are just plain going to stick out. It doesn't mean they're split.

[Loveletters]

Oh yeah. And is your hair at all curly or wavy?

My hair is straight-slightly wavy. So, this is not the case for me haha.


Congratulations on your last year in high school!

Thanks you! I live in Europe, so we don't really do high school proms and all. But I'm still missing out other fun things that we'd usually do here. But well, it is what it is. *shrugs*


I went through a lot of stress last year, which caused me to shed a lot of my hair. I have thousands of new hairs right now, and my head looks like a dandelion going to seed.

Perhaps your eating disorder caused you to shed like I did?

My hair did get thinner over time, so I'm pretty sure I shed some. The flyaways closer to my shoulders could be caused by that, I never really thought of that before! Of the hair growing back. Further down the length, the strands are simply split. White dots/actual bits that look like t-junctions haha. Those will have to be cut.


S&D is a lifesaver. Splurge on a good sharp pair of hair-cutting scissors, sit in good light, & just trim each damaged hair 2 mm shorter than where the damage starts.

I'm going to try this once I've bought new scissors. My mom used my hair cutting scissors to cut paper and fabrics with, I don't trust them anymore now hahaha. Let's hope it helps, I'll let you know. Is there any place on this forum where I can post about the improvement I might see? I don't know a lot about how this website works yet.

[Lucyb]

But the thing is, I love my hair a lot. It’s hip length now. And it took me 9 years to grow it from chin to hip, pretty much half of my childhood. I’m attached to it and it’s a special part of me and my identity. It almost has some kind of spiritual value to me

I get this. I really, really do. I'm trans, and I've been growing out my hair down to my mid-back for about 6 years (with cuts) now. It's also running into some problems now, and I've also struggled with depression in the past. Like you, my hair is a crucial part of my identity, in fact it's probably the most outwardly notable part of it.

I hope you're feeling better in yourself now. I don't think I can say anything new here, but I'd like to echo what others have said; maybe a little trim would help? Work out what your hair texture is and find a salon that specialises in it. Get a real expert opinion on any damage that might have crept in. And screw the haters! Life's too short to be a jerk, and I'm sure your hair is more beautiful than you think!

Lots of love from me <3

[Dark40]

Hey there. My hair is very damaged. Splits all over, dry, coarse. It used to be beautiful, shiny and healthy until I got an eating disorder and depression, which pretty much cut me off of nutrients and vitamin D for about 3-4 years. My hair started breaking off, horribly. On top of that, it’s naturally very tangly so it breaks off too when I brush it. But the thing is, I love my hair a lot. It’s hip length now. And it took me 9 years to grow it from chin to hip, pretty much half of my childhood. I’m attached to it and it’s a special part of me and my identity. It almost has some kind of spiritual value to me. Lately, people started pointing out how bad my hair looks, telling me I need to get it cur because the damage is too obvious. This hurts a little, especially since I tried to care for it even while I was doing bad. Personally, I am doing way better nowadays but my hair just keeps on doing worse and worse. I tried everything to save it, but it doesn’t help as long as it keeps breaking off anyway. Should I cut it off? It’s such a hard decision... I know I have to choose what to do myself, but some advice couldn’t hurt I suppose! Thanks in advance. <3

I agree with Chromis. Don't listen to those jerks who keeps on telling you to cut your hair off. I get that all of the time too from people that don't know what hell they are talking about. What I do is just ignore them. I bet your hair is so pretty at hip length. I've always had dreams of having hip length hair someday. What I would do if I were you is do some lurking around here at the threads on tips how to take better care of your hair. What I do to take care of my hair, and keep it growing longer is I do weekly deep treatments, and with that I mean, one week I'll do a hot oil treatment. Then, the next week I will do a deep moisturizing conditioning treatment. Or, I would use a light protein conditioner that is also a deep conditioner as well but it's a light protein treatment. I do the hot oil treatments every other week, and the deep conditioning treatments every 2 weeks, and at times I also use a hair mask as well whenever I feel there is a need. I hope this will help you.