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MagusBride
November 1st, 2019, 08:50 PM
Whatever goals you have for your hair, the result usually isn't fast. Do you take measures against discouragement/giving up? I want to start a small journal to use only when I feel like I'm about to give up. I can start to feel this way for the dumbest reasons... for instance, seeing that one of my male cousins has much longer and better hair than me last week about did it :cry: and I've been trying for years at this point.

SwanFeathers
November 2nd, 2019, 12:07 AM
Remembering that "this too shall pass" at any given time. When I'm discouraged I tend to do a deep conditioning treatment and put it up in Amish braids or a crown braid under a hat/scarf for a few days. Taking a break from it seems to help.

Simsy
November 2nd, 2019, 02:44 AM
No one in my family or immediate surroundings has hair much longer than BSL; and a few think Iím a little crazy for growing as long as I have. The biggest source of discouragement is actually internal; my head can get really quite depressing at times. So I have 3 coping strategies that may help.

-Iím a fan of benign neglect; which for me basically means shoving it up in a bun and ignoring it for a week. I get a break, my hairís usually happy with minimal handling; and I can sort my head out without trying to justify the mop on top as well.

-Thw whole ďshoving it in a bunĒ?, yeah, that works to keep it ďout of sight, out of mindĒ for everyone else too. A bun looks boring and neat to anyone who doesnít use them every day, an fact that can let you slide under the radar of anyone who might decide their opinion is the most important voice you will hear that day.

-I also occasionally remind myself how much my hair sucks at being short. It frizzes like nothing else, itís easily damaged, itís oily like Iíve dunked my head in a bucket of grease, the curls refuse to form, nothing lies even remotely downward...itís a list of stuff that I donít want to deal with again. The length solved more problems than it has ever created; and honestly, that fact alone is usually enough to snap me out of any downward spiral.

Faraniel
November 2nd, 2019, 04:33 AM
Honestly, after so many annoying years with myself I have found that the only thing that works is whenever I want "something new" (aka cut or dye my hair), I stop and tell myself "if you still want it in one month, you can do it" and I then I never want it in a week. Although, I had a weak moment and cut my bangs...yep, they're in a headband now.

Sarahlabyrinth
November 2nd, 2019, 05:08 AM
I tell myself "If you want long hair, don't cut it" and "Today my hair is longer than it was yesterday". Along with putting it up in a bun and forgetting it.

Panthera
November 2nd, 2019, 06:49 AM
Try to think differently. When you see beautiful long hair, think more like "if he/she can do it, so can I". That's what I do. Especially here, seeing everyone growing their gorgeous hair and reaching their goals gives me a lot of encouragement. Of course sometimes I wish my hair would look as good but it's a work in progress, I'm sure I can improve my hair too.

Begemot
November 2nd, 2019, 06:58 AM
I second Simsy, try benign neglect. Have a good routine but mostly just wear your hair up and forget it for some time. Also, focus in comparing your hair only to your own personal progress. Like, I don't have the best hair genes and circumstances for growing long (health issues) but I think to myself, it could be worse and right now my hair is probably the healthiest it's been since I was a kid. It's not long yet but I will get there eventually. This is my hair journey.

Another forum member had a signature saying something like "cutting your hair won't make it grow faster". I think that's good motto for those who aren't very sure if they want to grow long or stay shorter. Commit to it and keep going. You can always cut back and that will take just couple of minutes, but growing your hair long will always take time.

lapushka
November 2nd, 2019, 09:26 AM
Whatever goals you have for your hair, the result usually isn't fast. Do you take measures against discouragement/giving up? I want to start a small journal to use only when I feel like I'm about to give up. I can start to feel this way for the dumbest reasons... for instance, seeing that one of my male cousins has much longer and better hair than me last week about did it :cry: and I've been trying for years at this point.

Do you still trim a lot? Just asking out of curiosity.

Because hair does grow, and half an inch a month is... something. Over half a year that's 3 inches, so it counts when hair is short.

SleepyTangles
November 2nd, 2019, 09:43 AM
I try to reward myself, and if my hair is not cooperating I give myself two weeks before evaluating drastic solutions. Bad hair days are cyclical, so usually if you wait a week or two the problem usually disappear by itself, by benign neglect.
This is the second time growing out my hair, so Iīm not concerned anymore: the growing journey is often more entertaining than long hair itself. Every inch you get is a novelty, you learn new things as you progress.

The only thing that Iīm hopeless about is my bangs. I love bangs, and my oblong face needs them to keep proportions harmonious, but my hair is wavy and sensible to humidity, so they never look nice for more than 10 minutes. Oh well, you canīt win them all :shrug:

MagusBride
November 2nd, 2019, 11:37 AM
I don't trim a lot, but until about May of last year giving up and just chopping my hair short was a problem (I have 4a hair). In May of last year, I chopped my hair very short at a salon to about 4'' (pixie cut). My hair has actually grown quite decently in the span of just under a year because of my efforts to protect and stimulate it, now it is only about half an inch short of armpit length on me. But because I have type-4 hair, the shrinkage means my hair always looks neck-length. My hair is actually about the same length as the male cousin I was envying, but it never looks that way unless I incur damage by flat ironing it (he has type 2a-ish hair...wavy not coily). It felt so unfair, haha...

ExpectoPatronum
November 2nd, 2019, 01:05 PM
There is a lot of beautiful long hair where I live - often waist+. I'm sitting at MBL stretched and barely past collar bone length unstretched so I often get really discouraged anytime I go out in public.

Like others have said, the best thing to do to avoid discouragement is to leave it up and leave it alone, and most of all - do not cut it! Besides, you can't tell how long or short it is when it's in a bun :)

MusicalSpoons
November 2nd, 2019, 01:27 PM
Another one of the benign neglect crowd, here :waving: with your hair type, are you able to put it in protective styles and leave it alone for a few days or a week? I have to rebun mine most days so I know for some people it's not possible to entirely forget about it, but if you can get away with not touching it for a while, especially when you're struggling the most, it should help :)

It must be quite hard sometimes, not seeing length gains so much in curly or coily hair. It can be hard enough to see any difference in a month on straight hair! Many of us take regular but infrequent length photos, that way progress is clearly seen over time but without monthly discouragement of it not looking much different each time :lol: if you'd like, there's a seasonal thread, a 3 or 4 monthly thread, or you may just want to keep your photos for yourself to remind you of how far you've come already.

I usually start to get a bit antsy when I'm approaching a new milestone, so I have to distract myself. Sometimes it's with learning new styles, new ways to use my hairtoys, or learning new things about the science of hair; and sometimes it's by something non-hair related altogether! Actually one thing that I've not often used but is effective is looking at photos of other heads of hair that are completely different from my own, whether that's much shorter hair, much longer (I mean, lengths that I know I will not be able to attain), a completely different colour or texture, or styles that I know I will never be able to do (e.g. intricate braiding, or poofy styles). Sometimes seeing things close to what we have but just slightly out of reach can be frustrating, but looking at beautiful things we know and fully accept we can never have, and cannot wish for, can be quite calming.

You'll find what works for you :)

lapis_lazuli
November 2nd, 2019, 01:39 PM
I tell myself "If you want long hair, don't cut it" and "Today my hair is longer than it was yesterday". Along with putting it up in a bun and forgetting it.

YES. Every day is a day closer to your goals. Growing hair can be a painfully slow process but I think that's what makes it so rewarding.

Also letting it occupy less of your mind makes time go faster it seems :) Wearing it up everyday helps me focus on other things in my life that need my attention, and that I can really do things about. It drained me to do so much for my hair without result, so I backed off, started benign neglect, and let it do its thing at its own pace.

I know it can be frustrating, but don't give up. Do the best you can for your hair, and you'll see those returns. :flower:

lapushka
November 2nd, 2019, 07:21 PM
I don't trim a lot, but until about May of last year giving up and just chopping my hair short was a problem (I have 4a hair). In May of last year, I chopped my hair very short at a salon to about 4'' (pixie cut). My hair has actually grown quite decently in the span of just under a year because of my efforts to protect and stimulate it, now it is only about half an inch short of armpit length on me. But because I have type-4 hair, the shrinkage means my hair always looks neck-length. My hair is actually about the same length as the male cousin I was envying, but it never looks that way unless I incur damage by flat ironing it (he has type 2a-ish hair...wavy not coily). It felt so unfair, haha...

That sounds like it grew a fair amount already! Gosh that is amazing. Hang in there! You can do it! Yes you can. :)