Negative reactions on your hair?

[Loveletters]

Hello! :D Sorry I've been posting so much lately, this forum is just a great place to ask questions. I was wondering, have you guys ever had negative reactions or your hair? (Texture, length, etc.). At my school, I've been insulted for my hair length many times, people who said it looks dead and thin because it's long, which is pretty weird to me because it's hip length and the ends are even and bluntly cut. I've had people ask me if I can't afford to get a haircut and all that kinda stuff. Also, I get showered in 'don't you care about ill people' comments every time I say I'm not planning on donating my hair. I was wondering if others here have also dealt with stuff like that as well, because sometimes it's a bit demotivating. :( I mean, I try to take such good care of it and then this! Time after time!

[spidermom]

People seem to like my hair; I've had very few negative comments, even when it was so long it reached the top of my thighs. My father thought I should get it cut, but he was in his 80s, and his standard of female beauty seemed to be stuck in the 1950s. So meh - dream on, old man.

I got the "are you growing it to donate it?" question once, and I said "I think I'm going to keep it," and that ended the discussion.

People have all kinds of opinions about hair, but just because they're entitled to their opinions doesn't mean they're entitled to try to force their opinions on you. Remind yourself of that when somebody says something negative - that's just their opinion.

Oh, and this isn't always true, but it's sometimes true that a person will say something negative because they're envious, especially if that person regrets cutting his or her own hair.

[cjk]

I'm MALE with long, curly hair. And a long beard, too.

Probably heard it all.

The question isn't whether some random person may or may not respond positively or negatively. Most truly don't care one way or the other, but eventually someone will, no matter HOW you present yourself. The key is being comfortable with yourself and having the confidence that comes with it.

One thing I've found that cuts down on the comments is looking like I "give a damn." Particularly on a man, long hair can look absolutely beautiful. Or it can make you look homeless. And not usually anything in-between.

Consequently I ensure that I look like I care about my appearance. At church, for instance, I regularly wear a half-up which is a great way to handle my two disparate textures in a way that looks intentional. Business is handled similarly.

I know that I look the way I want. The reactions of others don't usually concern me.

[lapushka]

Have you ever tried wearing your hair up? In an updo. A lot of people here do that, it protects the hair and keeps you from comments like these. ;)

[Loveletters]

Have you ever tried wearing your hair up? In an updo. A lot of people here do that, it protects the hair and keeps you from comments like these. ;)
In fact, yes, I wear it in a bun every day haha. It's just that my hair is pretty thick and very heavy so sometimes it hurts my scalp after a few hours. But I don't let it down often because I know most people, even family members of mine, will start telling me to cut it. And I get uncomfortable as hell when that happens haha.

[MusicalSpoons]

One thing I've found that cuts down on the comments is looking like I "give a damn." Particularly on a man, long hair can look absolutely beautiful. Or it can make you look homeless. And not usually anything in-between.

YES. Applicable to both scalp hair and beard hair. For many years until the recent trend of men growing long hair of either type, I'd only ever encountered longhaired or bearded men whose hair was long because they couldn't be bothered to cut it or shave, and they didn't care for their hair at all (and many times couldn't be bothered to wash it - especially icky when on a hormonal teenage boy :puke: not that all 'not washing' is gross; when it's done right it's fine and the hair is looked after, but I'm talking about when it's someone who just doesn't care about hygiene at all). Actually taking care of your hair (scalp and/or beard) makes a HUGE difference.

OP these threads might help you feel less alone:
https://forums.longhaircommunity.com/showthread.php?t=26513
https://forums.longhaircommunity.com/showthread.php?t=113817

And to cheer you up after that:
https://forums.longhaircommunity.com/showthread.php?t=10221
https://forums.longhaircommunity.com/showthread.php?t=100809

[Loveletters]

I think it also kinda depends on where you're from. I'm not sure if Lake Erie is in Canada or the USA, but here in my European country, people will keep on telling you stuff until you agree with them or give in. If you don't, get ready for insults haha. I mean, it's made me tougher over the years but my hair is a part of me that I am attached to. Insult my clothes or lipgloss if you want, but my hair is a special part of me. I will try not to let their opinions get me down, although it's hard.. Thanks for your reply.

[Kalamazoo]

Maybe stock up on some come-backs?

Example:
Them: Why don't you cut your hair?
You: (Sniff, pretending to hold back tears) B-b-b-b-but, if I-I-I d-do that! how will I ever grow it down to the floor? (Flip your hair over your shoulder, straighten up, smile, look them in the eye, laugh gently in a way inviting them into the joke...)

Example:
Them: You really should donate your hair.
You: (Act horrified, as though they had said they were considering committing suicide.) NO! DON'T DO IT! You look so much better with it long!

[lithostoic]

Updos also give me headaches, so I secure my buns with a hair fork or claw clips :) It works great for distributing the weight of your hair. Also, sectioned buns like disc buns for example, tend to be easier on the scalp.

[MoonRabbit]

Never had a negative comment. But I don't think one should 'hide' their hair. Why give them the satisfaction. People that have the need to make those types of comments can't be reasoned with anyway.

[Kalamazoo]

Actually, I was the guilty party once. I met somebody with a braid down to her knees. I was so shocked, I couldn't think what to say. I was trying not to offend her. I actually said someting stupid like, "You have a braid!" She replied, "Yes, I have a braid." What I really meant was I want one like that, too, but even longer, but I was afraid anything I said might sound judgemental or competitive or... Oh the silly things that slip out when one is tongue-tied with admiration!

[Cg]

Loveletters, I hope you find as you age that your own opinion is the only one that matters.

[lithostoic]

I've had two really similar negative comments that stick in my memory.

Once in 5th grade when I was 11 years old, one of my acquaintances asked in a condescending voice, "Do you ever part your hair?". I was 11. I was a tomboy. I had never even thought about parting my hair before. I just brushed it straight back and let it do what it wanted after that. You best believe I started parting my hair perfectly after that. Now as an adult I don't care again lmao.

The other time was when I was 16 and my boyfriend's 6 year old cousin asked me, "Do you ever brush your hair? Um yes in fact I had just beushed my hair like 20 minutes before. I just have frizzy hair that likes to puff up and clump together despite being rather straight. Her comment kinda stung but I just joked with her and then explained that my hair is just different than hers.

[Sarahlabyrinth]

Well, for years my mother told me that I was too old to have long hair, and that it didn't suit me. As it grew longer she stopped telling me to cut it and for about the last year before she died she began admiring it and sometimes would call other people over to see it.

One of my sisters told me my long hair made me look like a hippie and a witch (she was NOT complimenting it ) :p

Another sister told me long hair was "gross" but a few months ago she told my my hair was "magnificent", so....

What I'm saying is that you'll get all sorts of opinions on your hair as it grows and the only opinion about it that matters is your own. Sometimes it is necessary to grow a thick skin. And school children aren't generally very tactful!

Wearing your hair up can be very useful, as nobody can see the length to comment on it :) Plus it protects your ends beautifully.

[MusicalSpoons]

The only one I remember (I have a vague impression that kids were unkind about my hair; they were unkind about everything else but most of it just bounced off my thick skin) was a boy in my class when we were aged ~14 who tried to insult me. I say 'tried' because what he was going for was actually the ultimate longhair compliment - he tried calling me Rapunzel but got his fairytales mixed up and called me Cinderella :rollin:

OT but lithostoic you've reminded me: As a youngish kid, up to around age 10, I stubbornly parted my hair in the middle. It took some time for my best friend to wear me down to relent and brush my hair straight back to put it up, and it was a revelation! I don't think I've ever worn it up with a middle parting since, only a side parting for low buns. Oh, maybe a middle parting for a plait occasionally when still a child, but doing a high plait was another revelation and meant no need for a parting there either :lol: (my best friend can't have been truly mean in persuading me otherwise she'd have been demoted :p)

[lapushka]

In fact, yes, I wear it in a bun every day haha. It's just that my hair is pretty thick and very heavy so sometimes it hurts my scalp after a few hours. But I don't let it down often because I know most people, even family members of mine, will start telling me to cut it. And I get uncomfortable as hell when that happens haha.

Have you looked into a LWB (lazy wrap bun), or Nautilus just to name a few. I wore both of those at different times during my growth process and they never needed to be taken down and wore nice and comfortably. But you can't do them too tightly. At hip, they should be doable with your thickness, I think. :flower:

[JackintheBox]

Another guy with long hair here.

I will second each of the following:


Probably heard it all.

The key is being comfortable with yourself and having the confidence that comes with it.

I know that I look the way I want. The reactions of others don't usually concern me.

If you let other people dictate things you'll be unhappy so I have worked to be comfortable doing what makes me happy and not worrying about their reactions.

[Loveletters]

Have you looked into a LWB (lazy wrap bun), or Nautilus just to name a few. I wore both of those at different times during my growth process and they never needed to be taken down and wore nice and comfortably. But you can't do them too tightly. At hip, they should be doable with your thickness, I think. :flower:

I'll look into it! Right now I just wrap the length around the base and tie it with a scrunchie. But it always pulls my scalp. Maybe this will help! :)

[trolleypup]

Another guy with long hair here.

I will second each of the following:

...

If you let other people dictate things you'll be unhappy so I have worked to be comfortable doing what makes me happy and not worrying about their reactions.
Negative commentary is vanishingly rare here in SF (almost all of mine have been when I was driving a city bus, and well, criticism, any port in a storm).

[Liz_H]

* Don't you care about sick kids?
# Do YOU care about sick kids?
* Of course!
# Well, I spent (number) years growing out my hair for myself. Why don't you take the money you've earned for the past x years and donate it to helping sick kids?

[Spikey]

People have a lot of weird ideas about hair donation, and very few people who donate actually do their research. Locks of Love is, IMHO, a very sketchy charity that people send hair to so that they can get a lot of social attention because drastic cuts are a very noticable change that you can easily use in casual conversation :shrug:. I'm sure some who donate are just misinformed though, and probably have good intentions.

These are good articles to cite as evidence for why you aren't interested in donating (and they're interesting):
https://www.forbes.com/sites/quora/2013/05/13/locks-of-love-6-million-of-hair-donations-unaccounted-for-each-year/#458aca155fd0
https://www.nytimes.com/2007/09/06/fashion/06locks.html

[MusicalSpoons]

I'll look into it! Right now I just wrap the length around the base and tie it with a scrunchie. But it always pulls my scalp. Maybe this will help! :)

Yeah, that's gonna be heavy and unbalanced. Have a look at the Hairstyle Thesaurus for more bun ideas :grin: though the LWB and Nautilus are two of the simplest ones to do :)

[lapushka]

Yeah, that's gonna be heavy and unbalanced. Have a look at the Hairstyle Thesaurus for more bun ideas :grin: though the LWB and Nautilus are two of the simplest ones to do :)

Yep, good ones to start off with.

And I keep on using them because they're so easy and comfortable. :)

[eresh]

Yes I get negative reactions to my hair.
(donate it or you're selfish and uncaring, hair that long is dirty, do you wipe your ass with it....it is too long and oh look how thin, you need a trim...etc)
That's why I rarely wear it down in public.

I shouldn't let it get to me and enjoy my hair down....but it does.

BTW it is always teenagers or adults that react negatively, and mostly women/girls.
Children and men mostly compliment.

[spidermom]

Yes, I think it does depend on where you are. I lived in the Pacific NW for decades, and people mostly mind their own business there. Compliments are given, but when people have a negative opinion, I think they keep it to themselves, except for teenagers. It seems like they pick at each other all the time everywhere for any reason or no reason at all. Ugh!

[Sarahlabyrinth]

Yes I get negative reactions to my hair.
(donate it or you're selfish and uncaring, hair that long is dirty, do you wipe your ass with it....it is too long and oh look how thin, you need a trim...etc)
That's why I rarely wear it down in public.

I shouldn't let it get to me and enjoy my hair down....but it does.

BTW it is always teenagers or adults that react negatively, and mostly women/girls.
Children and men mostly compliment.

Those comments are absolutely disgusting! I'm not surprised it puts you off wearing your beautiful hair down. I would like to wear mine down but worry that I'm too old to do so, and also that people will think I'm weird. I know I shouldn't worry about what anyone might think...

[MusicalSpoons]

Yes, I think it does depend on where you are. I lived in the Pacific NW for decades, and people mostly mind their own business there. Compliments are given, but when people have a negative opinion, I think they keep it to themselves, except for teenagers. It seems like they pick at each other all the time everywhere for any reason or no reason at all. Ugh!

Probably insecurity - I was an incredibly anxious, highly-strung, pedantic teenager and particularly with a certain friend routinely combed through her blog entries pointing out all the grammatical errors and slight ambiguities :oops: she gave back as good as she got - we were mutually mean, yet somehow were really good friends :confused: I am horrified now when I think of it, and can barely believe I was like that, but it really was all down to insecurity and trying to prove to myself I was better at something (anything!) than someone else.

I don't recall ever commenting on each other's appearances though. There was a sort of unspoken understanding that we weren't in control of how we looked, very much; we weren't into heavy makeup or hair dye or actually doing anything much with our hair :lol: though we were both into geeky clothes, and music snobs ... Pride in our intellect was by far the more important thing - yep, I shudder at that now :-( But I can understand teenage years being somewhat hellish, and causing people to act in ways they will later regret.

/End off-topic

[Loveletters]

None of my classmates have hair past armpit length. One girl at my school has classic length hair. It's just quite unusual here. I think boys with long hair are super handsome, but even my teachers told the only guy with lengthy hair that he looked unkept (which wasn't true at all! It was healthy and pretty, lovely auburn color). Most of my family members think hair past bra strap length is too long. It's such a shame...

[Loveletters]

Yes I get negative reactions to my hair.
(donate it or you're selfish and uncaring, hair that long is dirty, do you wipe your ass with it....it is too long and oh look how thin, you need a trim...etc)
That's why I rarely wear it down in public.

I shouldn't let it get to me and enjoy my hair down....but it does.

BTW it is always teenagers or adults that react negatively, and mostly women/girls.
Children and men mostly compliment.

I think it's funny how we seem to be the only people in this section that got serious criticism on our hair and we're both from the same country. Don't let it keep you from wearing it down though, I know how Dutch people can react and how blunt they are, but I'm sure you look beautiful.

[gin]

I don’t get negative comments. I’m in a city who’s motto is to keep things “weird” so pretty much anything goes. The only comments I get are from friends and family who haven’t seen my hair down in awhile and say that it’s getting so long, and other generic comments about being impressed with it.

Now when I was in middle school in Virginia, however, I definitely got teased, and my hair wasn’t even all that long, it was probably CB or shoulder length at best. I do have coarse hair and lots of baby hairs my whole life, so I have lots of hairs that stick straight up out of my part. Kids would run their hands over my head and be like “Look at these funny hairs sticking up! I can run my hands right through them!” That happened a lot. Thankfully I was too clueless back then to know or care :)

[eresh]

I think it's funny how we seem to be the only people in this section that got serious criticism on our hair and we're both from the same country. Don't let it keep you from wearing it down though, I know how Dutch people can react and how blunt they are, but I'm sure you look beautiful.

Haha yes, people here are very direct and feel the need to express their thoughts all the time.
But there's a difference in commenting with respect...or not.
Some women/teenagers are just commenting to be mean.

One time at a concert I had my hair down and a man was complimenting me on it.
Then his girlfriend looked at me nasty and said, yuk, Its a good place to put out my sigarette in there...
So nasty and jealous! I made sure to avoid her! You never know.
(That was in the time when smoking in public places was still allowed)

[cjk]

I can't help but notice that our definitions of "negative" seem to vary.

Yes, I've had one or two comment that my hair was either approaching, or had reached, a length sufficient to donate. And these were from friends and clients. But, knowing me in real life, I do charity work. It's one of the things that defines me, I'm actually known for it in the area.

Questioning whether I was going to charitably donate my hair...makes sense. I didn't view it as negative because it was not meant negatively.

Several, usually women, have commented that I need a haircut. Conversely, when I carved my hair into a flattop it was men who asked me when I was going to ship out.

Light joking, even ribbing, is not something I view as negative. And it's rare enough, anyway, that I laugh it off.

Be aware that a random comment, particularly if it's a rarity, really shouldn't derail your day and make you question wearing your length down. You don't have to hide from others.

Out and proud! (in more ways than one, for some of us)

[eresh]

What is ribbing?

[cjk]

What is ribbing?

Colloquialism. Good-natured teasing.

[eresh]

Ah.
I think good natured teasing is something completely different than the remarks I have had in the past.
Made by complete strangers...that's just rude.

People who know me well, might tease and say hey when is it time to cut your hair, or would you cut it if I gave you 100.000 euros, then I KNOW they mean it as a tease.
Because they know ME.

But when complete strangers come up to me and say stuff like I have posted in previous posts....Nope, I view that as negative.


Btw, sometimes I do feel the need to hide my length from others.
This is coming from experiences, with men wanting to touch my hair, or follow me around town trying to touch my hair.
Extreme lengths can also attracts creeps, unfortunately.

[cjk]

Btw, sometimes I do feel the need to hide my length from others.

The key word in that sentence being I. YOU choose to hide it. Choose. That's a style decision, choosing to present it in a way that you decide, for whatever reason.

What I read in earlier comments was people almost afraid, hiding it because of the judgements of others. Yes, it matters, but no, it should be YOU controlling the interaction. Not random strangers on the street.

I wear my hair in business appropriate ways because...business. It is a sign of respect, from me, to my host. But I am in control of my own side of it.


This is coming from experiences, with men wanting to touch my hair, or follow me around town trying to touch my hair.
Extreme lengths can also attracts creeps, unfortunately.

I've made reference in more private subs. Let's say that I understand, first hand.

So long as it's nothing more than a comment, I let it slide. Heck, I had someone notice my piercing, yesterday, and comment. My only response was confirmation, Yep I sure did!

[Begemot]

I never got negative comments about my hair, not in its longest even (which wasn't super long, just hip). But my sister and I have very different hair routines and philosophies. She cuts and colors her hair monthly and washes every day. She feels her hair is dirty by the end of the day. I don't mind slightly dirty/greasy hair and I wash twice a week. Sometimes she is so annoying, asking me if I'm going to wash my hair etc.

[Katsura]

I haven't had any negative comments, (or positive). I wear my hair up and out of the way almost all the time, because it's so much easier.
I know there might be some criticism if I wore it down for all to see. People will check out your hair for condition and what-not.

[lapushka]

eresh, and sarah plus it probably goes with some envy and desire to DO something to that beautiful hair, from touching it, which is rather... mild (but still not done in my book) to wanting to cut it or pull it.

I never wear my hair down. Ever. It's not worth it to me, even though it is "only" classic, I can do without the nastiness. For sure!

[Sora Rose]

Where I live (and lived before) I have rarely gotten any attention due to my hair. Once I had an elderly woman tell me not to cut them because they were beautiful. That was the only random stranger that ever said anything to me about it, and I haven't gotten such an approach since. Only one other person commented on it (to my brother, not to me) that didn't know me, and it wasn't rude or anything, just surprised. People that know me only refer to it if I do first, or obliquely, but never to criticize that I can recall.

That said, I honestly don't care what other people think of it. I like it, and that's what matters.

[Kalamazoo]

This wasn't specifically a reaction to my hair, but just to my having been an attractive female; but it could very well happen because of a woman having long hair (My hair was someplace between midback & waist at the time.): Namely, one morning before the sun was up, I drove to a friend's house for 6 A.M. Morning Prayer. Well, as soon as I'd parked curbside & opened my door to walk to the front door, well, what do you know?! There was an older man right there who was trying to hug me as soon as I got out of the car! Apparently he thought I was "for hire" just because he saw me & thought I was pretty. I think I got mad at him and told him to unhand me and go away. He left. But quite frankly, some people are dangerous & can be triggered to undesireable action by another person just looking a certain way. There are bona fide personal safety issues that women have to deal with, that just aren't that much of a problem for men. Sexual harassment is real, and it can come from total strangers that you've never seen before in your entire life.

[Stray_mind]

This wasn't specifically a reaction to my hair, but just to my having been an attractive female; but it could very well happen because of a woman having long hair (My hair was someplace between midback & waist at the time.): Namely, one morning before the sun was up, I drove to a friend's house for 6 A.M. Morning Prayer. Well, as soon as I'd parked curbside & opened my door to walk to the front door, well, what do you know?! There was an older man right there who was trying to hug me as soon as I got out of the car! Apparently he thought I was "for hire" just because he saw me & thought I was pretty. I think I got mad at him and told him to unhand me and go away. He left. But quite frankly, some people are dangerous & can be triggered to undesireable action by another person just looking a certain way. There are bona fide personal safety issues that women have to deal with, that just aren't that much of a problem for men. Sexual harassment is real, and it can come from total strangers that you've never seen before in your entire life.

A lot of men deal with sexual harassment too, but most of those cases are being downplayed usually since "a man always appreciates attention from a woman"... :eyeroll:
That said, that man was completely out of line and acted Disgusting towards you. I am sorry you had to go trough that.

[Zesty]

I'm not sure I can remember a single overtly negative comment about my hair (though I may have gotten some in the years it's been long). :confused:

I think strangers in public assume I'm religious sometimes, but if I wear it loose I only get compliments. Must be a geographical thing, or my unfriendly face. :lol:

People who do know me just say it's long or pretty, or comment on how they couldn't handle it themselves. I get a lot of requests for hair advice from friends and family.

[cjk]

A lot of men deal with sexual harassment too ... "a man always appreciates attention from a woman"... :eyeroll:

Thank you for that.

[Hellebore]

My hair isn't long enough to get negative comments from strangers, but my family is usually pretty negative about my hair. My mom has had a bob for 20-ish years, and every time she sees my long hair she has to comment about how limp and boring it is, and I quote "if you want long hair just buy it like everyone else does." My coworkers always comment (positively) on my hair whenever they see it out of my bun, which is rare. Considering I started with chin-length hair 3 years ago, I've made some progress. We also have quite a few longhairs at my company, and they always get positive comments at work.

[Kalamazoo]

But I should add that there are good men out there, and I believe that they're the majority

[renaatijs]

I have only gotten comments about how fine my hair is , several hairdresser have told me that o shouldn't wear them past my shoulders , like it would magically make them thicker:D

[lapushka]

I have only gotten comments about how fine my hair is , several hairdresser have told me that o shouldn't wear them past my shoulders , like it would magically make them thicker:D

Is it fine (individual hair) or thin (not much hair)? There is a difference in those.

Like, I have very fine hair (up to baby fluff in front) but I have lots of hair on my head.

[pinkypoo]

I've never really gotten any negative comments on my hair except for back in my childhood days from other silly children. I was told my hair was frizzy and mostly resembled a poodle by one girl ( she wasn't wrong with my curls being brushed out by my mom every morning :lol: ) and then the same girl came to school a week later showing off her new permed "natural" curls. :justy:

[ebillan]

I haven't had many negative comments about my hair, but there's a fairly popular YouTuber who made a comment that 'whenever I see girls with hair that long, I think they've never left their house' or something to that tune.

Other than that, I've had some random comments like 'why don't you brush your hair?' and 'are you trying to grow dreadlocks?' but that's because of my curly hair, not just because of the length.

[renaatijs]

Is it fine (individual hair) or thin (not much hair)? There is a difference in those.

Like, I have very fine hair (up to baby fluff in front) but I have lots of hair on my head.

My ponytail circumference is about two inches , but my hair is so straight, it is impossible to get any volume in them !

[AutobotsAttack]

Them: “Have you ever considered going natural?”
Me: “Have you ever considered shutting the **** up?”

I get this SO much. And on average, I get it from people who’s hair is noticeably shorter than mine. Obviously chemicals do damage to the hair, but so does everything else to some extent. I’ve kept my hair well maintained, so folks who feel the need to try and convince me to follow whatever societal norm is out there can have several seats.

[MusicalSpoons]

Them: “Have you ever considered going natural?”
Me: “Have you ever considered shutting the **** up?”

I get this SO much. And on average, I get it from people who’s hair is noticeably shorter than mine. Obviously chemicals do damage to the hair, but so does everything else to some extent. I’ve kept my hair well maintained, so folks who feel the need to try and convince me to follow whatever societal norm is out there can have several seats.

Argh no! I completely understand wanting to ask someone with obviously short, broken, damaged relaxed hair (though they should still mind their own business) but whyyyyyy would they feel they should be asking you that?! At classic you're clearly looking after it just fine!!

[GlacierLacie]

My hair is only waist length-ish right now, but it's the longest I've ever had it! I've had maybe a few negative comments about it. Things like "when you gonna cut your hair?" I've had some nice ones too i guess? Someone said my hair is like a long wig you could buy at a store.. i've even had my sister threaten to cut it off without my approval :eek: (playfully of course but it still scared me)

Though my mother used to have tailbone length hair... my grandmother would always ask if she wiped her butt with her hair lol, i expect the same to happen to me when i reach that length

[Hairkay]

I haven't had any negative comments lately but some that I recall are;

"Why is your hair so short? Is that as far as it grows? It should be longer for your hair type." So said a woman with thinning breaking straightened hair less than 4 inches long. She was obviously having difficulty figuring out good hair practices. She also said that her hair used to be longer in childhood and showed me pictures. It had been longer previously. Up to shoulder length if fully straightened but at that time she had worn her type 4 hair natural. Mine was a thick bsl type 3/4 that would sometimes shrink to shoulder length at the time this woman made her judgement. Since I never straightened it the woman never knew my hair's full length.

Then there's the old Jamaican neighbour who looked at braid out and asked why I hadn't combed my hair. I didn't take much offence to her when I recalled that she came from a super sleek straight hair life era where all type hair had to be straightened.

The last was said to my sis when we were teens at a party. Both of us had the same hairstyle, our bsl hair in one plait at the back that shrunk to shoulder length. A boy looked at my sis and said, "haven't you ever heard of a relaxer?" He didn't say anything to me about my hair. We've both got type 3/4 hair though mine has a different mix than hers. Her's looks more fluffier and mine a bit silky except for my wispies. Both sis and I gave him a seething glare. His type 4 hair was cropped short and not relaxed straight.

[SpottedBackson]

Also, I get showered in 'don't you care about ill people' comments every time I say I'm not planning on donating my hair.


Not judging sick people for not having any hair and not judging you for having plenty of it would fix both problems nicely.

I wouldn't worry about what other people think and say (I know that's easier said than done). They have a problem but it is not your problem. They might be unhappy (that's usually the cause of nastiness) but you don't have to let it make you unhappy.

And in the end you'll be winning because being mean about other people actually isn't fun at all and being happy with what you are/have is!

[desisparkles]

I haven't had many negative comments about my hair, but there's a fairly popular YouTuber who made a comment that 'whenever I see girls with hair that long, I think they've never left their house' or something to that tune.

Other than that, I've had some random comments like 'why don't you brush your hair?' and 'are you trying to grow dreadlocks?' but that's because of my curly hair, not just because of the length.

I've rcvd the dreadlock comment too!

My cousin has super long, super duper thick polynesian hair and ladies ask her about her "weave" all the time because they are shocked she "wears" it to the beach. When she claims it's all hers they call her a liar. Some people really have no class these days.

[dyna]

As a guy, I'm actually a little surprised that women get negative comments about hair being too long, though I don't see that many women with really (beyond APL) long hair. Guess it's the "you're not like me, so you're wrong" or "it's not in fashion" thing. When I was in my 20s, I got crap about (shoulder) hair length, but that was at the height of the hippie/antiwar era, us against them, long hair signified rejection of social norms. (I ended up cutting it because I'd get tangled up or lie on it when I slept.) 50 years later, I've grown it out again, and nobody ever says anything negative, even though I use scrunchies or barrettes (hey, women have experience with long hair, pay attention to their solutions). An occasional compliment (usually from a woman, though one guy stopped me in the grocery store to tell me I looked like a Viking). Maybe it helps that I have a bushy beard. Kids just think I look like Santa Claus, which is fair enough. (I tell them, "look kid, everybody thinks Santa runs the place at the North Pole, but it's really those damn elves who run it, I've got work from November into January, then they lay me off, which is why I'm standing in line here.")

[LongHairCalif]

My hair is near knee length, and even when my hair was mid back length I had other women suggest I should cut my hair. On Monday I wore my hair down in a braid, and a random stranger told me how amazing it was, and said she wished she could grow her hair long. I feel like the good outweighs the bad.

[enting]

Not judging sick people for not having any hair and not judging you for having plenty of it would fix both problems nicely.

I wouldn't worry about what other people think and say (I know that's easier said than done). They have a problem but it is not your problem. They might be unhappy (that's usually the cause of nastiness) but you don't have to let it make you unhappy.

And in the end you'll be winning because being mean about other people actually isn't fun at all and being happy with what you are/have is!

It really would help make the world a happier place.

[Caraid♫]

As a guy, I'm actually a little surprised that women get negative comments about hair being too long, though I don't see that many women with really (beyond APL) long hair. Guess it's the "you're not like me, so you're wrong" or "it's not in fashion" thing. When I was in my 20s, I got crap about (shoulder) hair length, but that was at the height of the hippie/antiwar era, us against them, long hair signified rejection of social norms. (I ended up cutting it because I'd get tangled up or lie on it when I slept.) 50 years later, I've grown it out again, and nobody ever says anything negative, even though I use scrunchies or barrettes (hey, women have experience with long hair, pay attention to their solutions). An occasional compliment (usually from a woman, though one guy stopped me in the grocery store to tell me I looked like a Viking). Maybe it helps that I have a bushy beard. Kids just think I look like Santa Claus, which is fair enough. (I tell them, "look kid, everybody thinks Santa runs the place at the North Pole, but it's really those damn elves who run it, I've got work from November into January, then they lay me off, which is why I'm standing in line here.")

yes women totally get negative comments because like you said, it is indeed not necessarily fashionable! (I say that as a long haired person) and people just love the whole make-over concept where you help someone "get with the times" :pinktongue:
A couple of years ago there actually was a trend I noticed of trendy people having actual long hair (ok not long long like knee length or anything, but anywhere from waist length to tailbone I was seeing everywhere!!) and though the trend has kind of passed, I feel longer hair has been slightly normalized and is more admired since then. Whereas say around 5 years ago, BSL-ish had been the longest "normal" fashionable length for a while and and I truly did get more comments about my hair's length starting to get into "weird" territory or "over the top" or quaint!! Nowadays I only get positive :D (although my hair isn't as long as it was before yet, I'm regrowing and am at hip and was at tailbone)
I'm so glad you get compliments on your hair! It must be way harder for men with long hair in terms of comments because of course the normalized hair length for men is much shorter! Keep up the santa ruse! :p

[lottiealice]

My hair is what I consider to be medium length (hip), as opposed to long, but I've had compliments and comments. Sometimes someone will mention that my ends need a trim, that it looks messy, or look surprised when I say how long I want to grow my hair (knee) but for the most part people are positive.

[Longlegs]

I really think most of those comments will be coming from someone who is secretly jealous of your hair. Many peoples insults will come from their own insecurity.

[AutobotsAttack]

Argh no! I completely understand wanting to ask someone with obviously short, broken, damaged relaxed hair (though they should still mind their own business) but whyyyyyy would they feel they should be asking you that?! At classic you're clearly looking after it just fine!!

It’s usually on the rare occasion I have my hair completely down at work. Any other day it’s braided or bunned up, and on those days no one says a word to me. Really can’t even guess the motive behind it. But I usually snap back since I’ve got a bit of an attitude. Lol

[Servana]

When I was a kid I used to get teased a lot because of how thick my hair is. And hairdressers would always comment on that in a negative way too as they struggled to detangle it.

From high school and beyond though, I always got compliments on the thickness/length because most people with long hair had extensions. One girl told me "I like your hair because it's real" lol
And just recently a woman asked if my hair was real and when I told her it is she said it's beautiful and never to get extensions 🙂 I won't! I've never even considered it because it seems like such a hassle when I can just grow my own hair.

[lapis_lazuli]

Only occasional snide remarks from my family, but it rolls off like water off a duck's back. Some just consider what the majority of people do to be what is 'normal', and for some reason, really don't like when that's challenged.
So, some people don't like my hair because it's different, and such arguments hold neither weight nor power to affect me.

[Arciela]

Sometimes I've had remarks like "Your hair looks better short" from some family..but that was when it was TBL And bleach damaged. I also get told its too long by some...but I pay no mind to it at all really.

[Jo Ann]

The only time I've gotten any negative comments about my hair is when I dye it--and that's from my Mom!

As long as the kids think it's cool, I'm happy :)