Unhappy with my hair at any length

[toastertroodle]

Im here to check in since it’s been a little while! I was at APL and on a mission to grow out my heavy layers. So I cut to chin length to get rid of the layers. Then I cut to a pixie and now here I am, again. This is the third time I’ve gotten a pixie cut to grow it out and cut it back, I just can’t seem to break the grow/cut cycle! I feel like I am never pleased with my hair no matter what length it is. I get the urge to dye it all of the time but on the other hand I’m pretty fond of my natural color (dark blond with natural light blonde face framing pieces) so I don’t color it and get bored and chop it instead. I don’t really have a length goal so much as I do a happiness goal, I just want to be happy with my hair and have a style that makes me really feel like myself. I’ve tried countless styles and lengths. It’s been about ten years since my hair has been BSL or longer so I hardly remember what it’s like to have nice long hair. And some days I LOVE my pixie and are certain that I want to go even shorter. It’s a constant struggle, I wish I could just let my hair be and not think about it.

Thanks for letting me rant, I guess this post didn’t have much of a point other than to see if anyone else here is as constantly undecided about their hair as I am :rolleyes:

[lapushka]

Im here to check in since it’s been a little while! I was at APL and on a mission to grow out my heavy layers. So I cut to chin length to get rid of the layers. Then I cut to a pixie and now here I am, again. This is the third time I’ve gotten a pixie cut to grow it out and cut it back, I just can’t seem to break the grow/cut cycle! I feel like I am never pleased with my hair no matter what length it is. I get the urge to dye it all of the time but on the other hand I’m pretty fond of my natural color (dark blond with natural light blonde face framing pieces) so I don’t color it and get bored and chop it instead. I don’t really have a length goal so much as I do a happiness goal, I just want to be happy with my hair and have a style that makes me really feel like myself. I’ve tried countless styles and lengths. It’s been about ten years since my hair has been BSL or longer so I hardly remember what it’s like to have nice long hair. And some days I LOVE my pixie and are certain that I want to go even shorter. It’s a constant struggle, I wish I could just let my hair be and not think about it.

Thanks for letting me rant, I guess this post didn’t have much of a point other than to see if anyone else here is as constantly undecided about their hair as I am :rolleyes:

If you are that "impulsive" with your hair, you are not ready to grow long. Just get the cuts and dyes out of your system and once you have "calmed down" on that front, try again. This doesn't mean: leave this site. No, on the contrary. Just figure out what it is that you want. Do you want the cute cuts, the differences in styles, the dyes, or the length?

Next time you feel the urge to go cut your hair, COME HERE FIRST and *talk about it*, so we can at least have a chance to talk to you and possibly talk you out of something drastic.

There is the 2-week-rule thread where you are supposed to give every cut or change 2 weeks' thought before doing it.

All things to help cut down the impulse!

Good luck!

[Obsidian]

I have the same issue. I just don't like my hair regardless of length. I also dislike my color and texture.

I'm growing out a buzz again, hoping to at least get it long enough to get into a pony tail. At least that way I can pull it back and pretend it doesn't exist.

[spidermom]

You can have fun with deposit-only dyes. They fade out gradually, so you'll get back to your original color.

[Joules]

I agree with lapushka. Maybe you're not really ready for it and don't want it badly enough.

Or maybe it's just not for you. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that. Some people are just this way. My best friend tried growing out her hair and couldn't last even two months of uncomfortable transition period, and I don't understand what's so hard about it, to me "hair patience" comes naturally. People are different. It's ok to spend all your life with one hair color and one length, it's also ok to want to change every other week, and everything in between is ok too. You do you! :)

[lapushka]

I agree with lapushka. Maybe you're not really ready for it and don't want it badly enough.

Or maybe it's just not for you. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that. Some people are just this way. My best friend tried growing out her hair and couldn't last even two months of uncomfortable transition period, and I don't understand what's so hard about it, to me "hair patience" comes naturally. People are different. It's ok to spend all your life with one hair color and one length, it's also ok to want to change every other week, and everything in between is ok too. You do you! :)

For sure! The absolute worst you can do, IMO, is force it! At one point you have to decide, am I going to "enjoy" this? Or, not? And which ever gives you enjoyment of your hair, that's the direction you're supposed to go in!

[Kalamazoo]

Dear Toastertroodel,

Have you seen any Brad Mondo "Hairdresser Reacts" videos on YouTube? I just watched "Hairdresser Reacts to DIY Rainbow/Unicorn Hair!" :skittles: His own hair is bright shocking pink in this vid. :crush: It's a different color every time I watch him. :frog:

His hair is ultra-short, so it must not take him at all long to grow out his dye :agape: & switch to a different color. :silly:

Brad has a very upbeat personality, & he loves working with people who are enthusiastic about doing wild, funky changes to their hair. :knit:

He's also extremely sympathetic when something flops & somebody has a disaster. :knitfrog:

And he's a bona fide trained hairdresser, so he can accurately predict what's going to work & what's not.

I think you should watch a few of his shows to learn about what you might or might not want to do to your own hair.

Personally, I don't want to do any of that. :wannabe: I just want my own hair to be long & look natural color.

But, you should be YOU, because nobody else can, & the world just won't be complete 'til THE REAL TOASTERTROODLE stands up & takes her place on the grand stage of life.

And, while your hair's short, you can afford to change your hair radically, and yet expect it to grow back natural some time soon. :magic:

If that's what you want, then go for it! :pegasus:

[Brethil]

I am the exact opposite of you. In the story of the tortoise and the hare, I'm the tortoise. I've been growing out my hair faithfully for well over a decade and never trimmed it more than necessary to keep the ends looking nice. Would you trade me? In that same decade you've been cutting your hair into countless styles and lengths, I've had one: a U-shaped hemline of gradually increasing length. Is that something you even want? I wouldn't trade you. I absolutely love my long hair. But sometimes I wish I could try black hair, or a pixie cut, or those gorgeous wavy beachy layers. My choice has its tradeoffs too. Even shorter long hair that takes less time to grow means that you are choosing not to have other styles. Everybody knows that if you cut your hair into a pixie, that means you don't have long hair, but equally so if you grow your hair out you don't have a pixie.

Your choice.

[ManeGoal]

You sound just like me! I'm endlessly caught in the grow cut cycle and it is so frustrating. I grow it out and just when I am finally achieving long hair status, I get it in my head I don't like it and I'll be happier short. And then I cut my hair and mourn the long hair and hate the short hair. I am constantly growing my hair out and never really getting anywhere because every three years I just can't help myself and chop it off. I'm in my second time of growing a pixie out. Complete misery.
I feel I truly do want long hair, but I love change. I get bored easily and I am always feeling the desperate need to find the hair cut/color that suits me best. But really, I think it goes deeper, and I need to find a way to accept who God made me to be.
So my goal for now is to let it grow...I hope to get to WL in hopefully five years? I am just at my ears maybe slightly below in some spots. And my other goal is no dye and grow my natural color back...though this one is really really hard! I'm starting to weaken on this one, I am Telling myself since it is short I should take advantage now and color it...But I know I should protect my ends at all costs if I want it to reach WL ASAP! Hair, why couldn't it grow faster so changing it wouldn't be such a battle.

[Spikey]

I think you haven't gotten past the most akward hair lengths in years and because, as you've said you can't even remember BSL, you don't have an accurate idea of long hair. Liking a pixie is great, but it sounds like right now you don't really like a pixie as much as you should.

How about growing to BSL, to start. Once you're there, you'll remember all the pros and cons of that length and you can decide for yourself wether you like long hair, rather than bouncing between "it's too short to do anything with" and "it's long enough to annoy me but too short to put back". If you end up not liking it, you can cut back to a pixie knowing that you have actually tried everythinng and you can sleep easy knowing that a pixie really is the best for you.

If you decide to grow, here's some people whose albums you may want to check out for inspiration:
- maborosi and Stray_mind grew out chin length and have good pictures of the whole process
- languagenut has hair similar to yours but much longer so you can get some idea of how yours would look
(if any of you want me to remove your names, pm me!)


I hope you figure out what you like!

[Silica]

Hi toastertroodle! I'm also on my third cycle of growing out a pixie to long and then cutting again. Like ManeGoal says I love change and get bored easily but I am ready to settle into long hair (eventually!) in my natural colour now. The colouring is part of the problem for me - each time I cut it drastically it was because I wanted to get rid of colour that I couldn't shift any other way (henna and indigo). This time round I'm determined I won't do anything that makes a permanent change. I can change up my wash and care routine to keep the boredom at bay - although I know I have to be careful not to change too much all at once. And, when I have enough length to do it, I will explore every bun or braid style I can find! I guess the key is not to do anything permanent and have faith that being patient is worth it in the end. Easier said than done though

[MusicalSpoons]

I think you haven't gotten past the most akward hair lengths in years and because, as you've said you can't even remember BSL, you don't have an accurate idea of long hair. Liking a pixie is great, but it sounds like right now you don't really like a pixie as much as you should.

How about growing to BSL, to start. Once you're there, you'll remember all the pros and cons of that length and you can decide for yourself wether you like long hair, rather than bouncing between "it's too short to do anything with" and "it's long enough to annoy me but too short to put back". If you end up not liking it, you can cut back to a pixie knowing that you have actually tried everythinng and you can sleep easy knowing that a pixie really is the best for you.


Agreed.

You say your goal is to be happy with your hair, but it sounds like you haven't been for a long time. Do you remember ever being happy with it?

Long hair isn't for everybody, and some people are much happier changing their hair often - and there is nothing wrong with that. But honestly, it doesn't sound like that actually makes you happy either? Maybe deposit-only, fun, non-damaging colours are the way to go. If you decide to commit to growing your hair for a certain amount of time or to a certain length, once you have longer hair one way you can change it up often is with different hairstyles; there are so many different types of style and endless variation, not to mention endless variety of hairtoys too!

It would be different if you'd said 'I've been stuck growing and cutting but now I know a pixie is best for me', because then you'd know what makes you happy. At the moment you don't, and your post implies you are still searching :flower:

Whatever you decide is of course totally up to you, and there is no right or wrong choice, only what's best for *you*, and I hope you can find what that is :)

[Kalamazoo]

Wigs are for you! Collect them one at a time. Then, if you really like the way your hair looked last Monday, well, it's waiting for you in its box. No guessing how the color's going to turn out. And you can go back to your natural color whenever you like. And while you're preoccupied with the wigs, your mind will be off your hair, & your hands will be off the scissors... :whistle:

[Wendyclaire]

I’ve had periods in my life feeling like that. I remember going to the beauty salons and just telling the hairdresser “just make me look good! “ I had no idea what I wanted and of course it always ended up in some goofy looking short style that made me more unhappy! It takes a while sometimes to know what you want to do with your hair. I like mine long now but I still get that cut it off itch once in a while! The best advice on this forum. The two week rule is great advice!!

[toastertroodle]

But, you should be YOU, because nobody else can, & the world just won't be complete 'til THE REAL TOASTERTROODLE stands up & takes her place on the grand stage of life.

And, while your hair's short, you can afford to change your hair radically, and yet expect it to grow back natural some time soon. :magic:

If that's what you want, then go for it! :pegasus:

This really made me smile haha, thank you for the advice! :)

[LittleHealthy]

If you’re happy and love your pixie, then power to you! Perhaps the cut-grow cycle is a lot of fun and you’re enjoying it! At some stage you might decide you want super long hair, or you might not. As long as you’re happy then that’s the main thing! Getting a haircut is incredibly exciting, there’s no denying that’

[MamaLou]

I also agree that you should do whatever makes you happy. If you can't decide what kind of cut or color you want you can also start collecting pictures of haircuts and haircolors that you like. Maybe that will help you to find something that you love. When you get bored while growing out your hair you might just be bored of the way you style it. Even when you've reached a bob you can do so many things already. You can curl it, braid it, maybe even do a half up when your bob is bit longer. And before cutting your hair always delay it with two weeks to give yourself time to think so that you won't regret it later.

[cjk]

I often draw parallels to beard growth because, as a bearded man, it's something to which I can relate.

Have you ever heard the terms playoff beard, or hunting beard, or winter beard? How about no-shave November? Each of them is, basically, the same thing but with a slightly different schedule.

The idea is to do something you want, but which might be a difficult sell to others or even to yourself, by finding an excuse. In truth it's a face-saving exercise. And it's done so commonly among men that it's become an annual event.

Commit. That doesn't mean motivation, when you feel like it, or getting bored. You commit. And in most of them that I mentioned the commitment is over the winter months.

And you stick to that commitment.

There will be good days and bad days. And particularly in the earlier days, more bad than good. But two things happen. Growth. I've never met a woman who didn't understand the awkward stages, and the early days are full of them. This is when *commitment* is more important. You power through it.

And, sticking to that commitment actually helps you grow, as a person, as well.

There is a wonderful saying, that as a man grows his beard, the beard grows the man. And it just happens to be true.

The exact same approach, and the exact same underlying logic, goes for growing out your hair. But unless you let it grow, you'll never know what you have or whether you'll like it.

Hope this helped.

[jane_marie]

I'm going to ask something that might be out of bounds but is based on my past history going through the same feelings about my hair...

That is, are you sure it's your hair that you are constantly unhappy with and not something else in your life?

Here's why I ask that: Not too long ago I found myself very unhappy due to illness combined with a trulty terrible abusive relationship. Instead of realizing that was what was making me so unhappy I was constantly making drastic changes to my hair that I never remained happy with. When I got past my illness and out of that relationship I shaved my head partially because the constant dye jobs made it severely damaged and partially because it was a reminder of the years of damage I had endured.

Now, not everyone who is discontent with their hair is having the same experience I had; some people truly like to experience that kind of transformation often and that's okay. However, it's possible that your feeling about your hair might be trying to fix the need for a change in your life. My personal experience is likely a bit of an extreme example. It could be something more minor but no less important for your overall happiness. Do you hate your job? Where you live? Are you unhappy with your relationship? How about your roommate? Your house? How often do you go on vacation.

I'm an aspiring microbiologist not a psychoanalyst but maybe it could be worth exploring and if it is maybe you should talk to someone about it.

That's just my two cents.

[LittleHealthy]

Jane_marie, this much is true! I definitely don’t think it’s out of bounds to ask questions like that of ourselves!

[spidermom]

Perhaps you can relate to this. I would grow my hair for a year or two, then get mad because my hair wasn't long yet and get it cut in a fit of frustration. I had the idea that my hair wouldn't grow past a certain point, but it was really that I'd always get it cut.

When I was in my mid-40s, I finally faced the facts: it takes years to grow long hair, not 1-2 years, more like 5-10 years. It took me 10 years to grow to the goal of classic length that I set for myself. As cjk said, you have to make a commitment and stick to it through all doubts and changes of mind. It's really good for all areas of your life to learn to do this. It's an instant gratification world these days; patience isn't valued as the virtue that it truly is.

[toastertroodle]

I'm going to ask something that might be out of bounds but is based on my past history going through the same feelings about my hair...

That is, are you sure it's your hair that you are constantly unhappy with and not something else in your life?

Here's why I ask that: Not too long ago I found myself very unhappy due to illness combined with a trulty terrible abusive relationship. Instead of realizing that was what was making me so unhappy I was constantly making drastic changes to my hair that I never remained happy with. When I got past my illness and out of that relationship I shaved my head partially because the constant dye jobs made it severely damaged and partially because it was a reminder of the years of damage I had endured.

Now, not everyone who is discontent with their hair is having the same experience I had; some people truly like to experience that kind of transformation often and that's okay. However, it's possible that your feeling about your hair might be trying to fix the need for a change in your life. My personal experience is likely a bit of an extreme example. It could be something more minor but no less important for your overall happiness. Do you hate your job? Where you live? Are you unhappy with your relationship? How about your roommate? Your house? How often do you go on vacation.

I'm an aspiring microbiologist not a psychoanalyst but maybe it could be worth exploring and if it is maybe you should talk to someone about it.

That's just my two cents.


You are completely right and I often wonder what the root cause really is for my hair frustrations. I'm sure it has something to with the fact that I struggle with my identity as a whole- I went straight from college to marrying my husband at 20 years old to having babies and now I'm a 25 year old stay at home mom to two little sweeties. Which I love, don't get me wrong! I just have struggled with feeling that I'm now "mom" and nothing else. The soul searching is definitely a work in progress :)

[jane_marie]

You are completely right and I often wonder what the root cause really is for my hair frustrations. I'm sure it has something to with the fact that I struggle with my identity as a whole- I went straight from college to marrying my husband at 20 years old to having babies and now I'm a 25 year old stay at home mom to two little sweeties. Which I love, don't get me wrong! I just have struggled with feeling that I'm now "mom" and nothing else. The soul searching is definitely a work in progress :)

If that's the case is there a way you could change your situation? I mean, I'm not saying leave your husband and your kids but could you maybe talk to your husband about transitioning into the feild you went to school for and figure out a way to work childcare out for the little ones?

Being a stay at home mom is perfectly fine but if it contributes to you feeling a void in your life then that's no good.

Life's too short to be unhappy. :)

[milosmomma]

Hi toastertroodle! I have a similar situation to yours, I went from teenager to mom at a young age and self identity was a struggle. I completely understand. I think it's important for you to find that you time. Take a break and remember to pamper yourself. Your kids will also benefit from their mom being the best version of herself as well. It could even still involve the kids, for example I love nature and hiking and camping, and now we just take a larger tent and more supplies LOL. I wish you the best in your growing journey, both hair and otherwise :)

[toastertroodle]

If that's the case is there a way you could change your situation? I mean, I'm not saying leave your husband and your kids but could you maybe talk to your husband about transitioning into the feild you went to school for and figure out a way to work childcare out for the little ones?

Being a stay at home mom is perfectly fine but if it contributes to you feeling a void in your life then that's no good.

Life's too short to be unhappy. :)

Haha yes, I certainly won't be doing that!

To be honest it's not really unhappiness because I love staying home with my kids. I actually didn't even finish my degree because I had really just picked a major (Animal Studies) because I had to; I have no clue what I would go back to school for if I were to go back. I think I often just wonder what it is that I want to be "when I grow up" ;)

[jane_marie]

Haha yes, I certainly won't be doing that!

To be honest it's not really unhappiness because I love staying home with my kids. I actually didn't even finish my degree because I had really just picked a major (Animal Studies) because I had to; I have no clue what I would go back to school for if I were to go back. I think I often just wonder what it is that I want to be "when I grow up" ;)

That's totally understandable! If that's the case maybe something along the lines that milosmamma said. If you love animals maybe you could foster some kittens or volunteer somewhere. Maybe just taking some time to explore something you love would, even with the kids would help.

[share801]

I can relate to not liking the hair part though I have no trbl not cutting. I just frankly do not have the hair I want (straight and thick instead of thin, fine and curly). I just try to make the best of it.

[Simsy]

Haha yes, I certainly won't be doing that!

To be honest it's not really unhappiness because I love staying home with my kids. I actually didn't even finish my degree because I had really just picked a major (Animal Studies) because I had to; I have no clue what I would go back to school for if I were to go back. I think I often just wonder what it is that I want to be "when I grow up" ;)

Question...do you have any hobbies that are yours? Not the things you do with/for the kids, not the hobbies you do with hubby for quality time together; I’m talking about a hobby/craft/sport that you do just because you like it? It sounds like you have hit what I personally call “the mummy wall”, where you’re starting to realise that your entire identity is tied to “wife & mother” with nothing else really added to that list. It’s a sucky wall to hit and I would argue that every mother eventually hits it; regardless of what they do.

Maybe learn a craft; knitting and crochet are both fairly easy to learn from YouTube (I’m much better at crochet, my sister knits like a natural; we are both entirely self-taught). Maybe painting if the tiddlywinks are old enough to be left partially to their own devices or are in school. Jigsaws are a favourite of mine when I have time to do one, and there are thousands of designs all over the internet. Photography is another option that doesn’t require much as a start up but gives you something to build upon.

A popular sport amongst the younger mothers in my hometown is touch rugby. The kids are watched over by the other parents or teenagers, and the mums go off to play a solid game and have a laugh. Netball is another one that sees a large crowd of younger mums playing while the kids occupy themselves on the pitch next door.

If you have the time and are interested in extra skills; maybe ask about wildlife carers in your area? It might give you an excuse to finish your degree in a few years?

Mostly the idea is to have something that isn’t related to wife or mother, and allows you to expand brain energy on something and maybe communicate with actual adults about something that isn’t revolving around children.

[01]

I don’t really have a length goal so much as I do a happiness goal, I just want to be happy with my hair

THIS. And the title, too. I had terminal, I had bob, lob, buzzcut, now my buzzcut grown out into something pixieish. I'm angry and frustrated. I found out I prefer not looking at my hair - ie having it either buzzed, covered with a scarf or bunned/braided. I absolutely hate my hair loose and can't find any solution to my dillemas.

[leayellena]

Join a no trim challenge.

[*Wednesday*]

What Cjk and Spidermom said. Good stuff.

[toastertroodle]

Thank you so much everyone! So I decided to cut it short short (like just a step up from it being buzzed all over) and I could not be more unhappy with it. I’m going to just take this as a “hey, I tried it and now I know” experience and hopefully I can tough out the dreaded pixie grow out phase and make it to finally having long hair again so I can see how I feel about it. Wish me luck!!

[Dark40]

Im here to check in since it’s been a little while! I was at APL and on a mission to grow out my heavy layers. So I cut to chin length to get rid of the layers. Then I cut to a pixie and now here I am, again. This is the third time I’ve gotten a pixie cut to grow it out and cut it back, I just can’t seem to break the grow/cut cycle! I feel like I am never pleased with my hair no matter what length it is. I get the urge to dye it all of the time but on the other hand I’m pretty fond of my natural color (dark blond with natural light blonde face framing pieces) so I don’t color it and get bored and chop it instead. I don’t really have a length goal so much as I do a happiness goal, I just want to be happy with my hair and have a style that makes me really feel like myself. I’ve tried countless styles and lengths. It’s been about ten years since my hair has been BSL or longer so I hardly remember what it’s like to have nice long hair. And some days I LOVE my pixie and are certain that I want to go even shorter. It’s a constant struggle, I wish I could just let my hair be and not think about it.

Thanks for letting me rant, I guess this post didn’t have much of a point other than to see if anyone else here is as constantly undecided about their hair as I am :rolleyes:

I agree with lapushka. If you are that "impulsive" about your hair you are not ready to grow long hair. I'm glad that you are happy with it, and you can always start fresh all over again. I'm not happy with my hair length either but I'm not planning on doing anymore trimming or cutting until I have reached my goal, and that is classic or mid-thigh length hopefully someday soon. Before I joined here at the LHC I was scissor-happy and was always trimming every 4 weeks. Because, I thought that I had split ends, and I really didn't. So, I had to hide or put away the scissors so that I wouldn't put them to my hair, and I just grew out of that stage of always wanting to cut or trim.

[iamjessica26]

I totally know how you feel! When my 1 year old starting chewing on my hair I chopped it into a bob and it was so cute and everybody commented on it, but I really missed my longer hair. I got a lot of crazy dying out of my system so now I'm stuck with a crazy faded reddish brownish orange color. I agree with everybody else you do you! What helped me the most with growing my hair out was finding some super cute braided styles that I can only do with long hair

[Kalamazoo]

I found some really innovative headbands at Walmart, in the jewelry department. They come in 2-packs, for $3.99. They actually stretch out to a bit longer than a stocking cap :xmas: and can be rolled up to be a headband :pirate: or a scruchie :silly: or worn as a scarf, or... multiple styles :rockerdud Anyway, I'm able to totally tuck my hair in & make it look like I must have a pixie :magic: They're really good at keeping the whispies out of my eyes, & they come in several colors & patterns. I think they're the neatest thing since sliced bread! :pegasus:

ETA: So maybe you should go on a no-trim challenge & a wear-your-hair-up-all-the-time challenge for a year, and just adopt an addiction to buying yourself a new hat or scarf whenever you get the urge to dye or cut? Or something like that. Try to come up with a new scarf &/or hat style every day and post a picture of yourself on some thread or other? Really, you can get even more variety that way than by changing your hair...