I'm having a crisis

[Zombee]

I've grown my hair out for 2 and a half years now. I used to bleach it blonde and it was super damaged and always brassy due to the reddish tones in my hair, (it's medium brown). I decided I was going to leave it to grow out naturally, although I didn't like my natural colour and I would have to wait a couple of years to grow out all the bleach, at least I would then have healthy looking hair. I haven't used heat or dye in those two years and I always dried it carefully with a cotton t shirt. I also improved my diet.

I am so miserable. My hair is breaking at the top. It's so thin that my ears stick out and my pony tail circumference is a less than a couple of cm's. The worst thing is when I'm out at a shop or resturaunt and they have overhead lighting and I can see all the breakage sticking up being highlighted. I got home today and I can't stop crying. I look so rough, like I don't take care of my hair. I can't cope anymore. I'm ugly anyway and with my hair it's like what's the point? I have no self confidence, I feel embarrassed when I go out now. I'd done so well growing it out without dyes or heat and it was for nothing. Ijust want to rip it all out and wear a wig.

[pixitolong]

I feel for you, I really do. I understand what it's like to feel 'ugly' yet I know it is just a feeling that will pass. It doesn't help at the time I know. The last time I felt ugly, I got my hair cut all off and I regretted it so badly. When I am having these feelings, I get out my 'self care' box. I made a box up (it's like a first aid for my happiness) where I have put in things like a pretty photo of myself, my favourite band cd, a box of chocolates, my favourite things...etc. I add things to it all the time. Last time I felt like this was a few weeks ago and I just got chocolates and a magazine to add to the box. I don't know if something like this would help you...

[pixitolong]

also with your hair, maybe some type of mask?

[Ylva]

This sounds like a more serious health problem if I understood correctly that your hair has thinned out noticeably and breaking at the root. I'd start with a visit to a GP and have a blood panel done and whatever other tests the doctor might recommend.

[Liz_H]

Yes, a visit to the doctor is indicated. Some health conditions can also trigger or worsen depression. When our bodies are overwhelmed coping with the disease, there isn't always enough energy left for normal emotions.

[lapushka]

This sounds like a more serious health problem if I understood correctly that your hair has thinned out noticeably and breaking at the root. I'd start with a visit to a GP and have a blood panel done and whatever other tests the doctor might recommend.

Seconding this good & sound advice! Having bloodwork done = no luxury! :)
It's basic care and you and your hair deserve it!

[pippylonglocks]

Yes, a visit to the doctor is indicated. Some health conditions can also trigger or worsen depression. When our bodies are overwhelmed coping with the disease, there isn't always enough energy left for normal emotions.

Additionally, if there is an underlying health problem, then your body might be using whatever nutrient stores it has to fix the problem, and your hair is suffering from it. Clearing up any health problems almost always leads to healthier hair as well as skin, nails, bones, muscles...just a healthier you!

[iforgotmylogin]

What really is beauty anyway, but a point of view?

For example, people tend to strive for piano teeth. But I am more partial to snaggleteeth. I doubt very much I am the only one too

[FennFire911]

Not gonna lie, this sounds like it's about way more than just your hair. Don't get me wrong, hair can be a big source of stress when things aren't going right. But you seem a bit more distraught than if it were only your hair that's bothering you. I'm echoing everyone else in saying that you should see your GP for diagnostics, and I think you might also benefit from seeing a therapist too to tackle some of those overwhelming feelings of being ugly (I'm pretty sure you're not ugly), and you just need someone to help you practice better ways of thinking to regain your confidence. Like every time you get overwhelmed thinking things are so terrible you are embarrassed to leave home, your therapist can give you better coping mechanisms.
Also, after reading medical journals and gaining my own personal experience, my new fave advise is to find a house plant you love. Studies are showing that nurturing a living thing and helping it flourish brings very good inner feelings. Get a $5 pothos plant or something simple and easy for a beginner.
HTH! Please take good care of you. This world only has one of you.

[bokeh]

I really feel for you and I hope that you take the advice to see a doctor. I just wanted to let you know that I'm rooting for you and hoping that things look up soon.

[deleria]

I agree with the other ladies. With getting your thyroid check, possibly? This world is already tough without you beating yourself up girl. I also have flyaways that argan (might not be spelling that correctly) oil really seems to help tame.

[milosmomma]

I agree with the other posters and am here with hugs and understanding. I also want to bring up that you said 2 and half years you've been growing and you've been dye free for 2 years. So maybe the oldest 6 months of hair at the ends are the main culprits? And the short hairs sticking up could always be new growth coming back in. Sometimes it is hard to tell breakage from regrowth, have you seen splits or white dots on the shorter hairs? I am wishing you better feelings and easier days.

[Green leaves]

2 years of growing is not for nothing. One day you'll be on here showing your long locks & inspiring others. Like the others said, see a Dr, get a houseplant, and do something that makes you happy inside. I'd also mention that my hair got a lot healthier when I started eating more real food and less processed food. Hair health is complex and tricky thing to deal with, but many of us have been through times when our hair looked less healthy/long/thick*insert desired hair attribute here*. Your hair will grow, and grow better the better care you take of yourself. And you couldn't be in a better place to learn about how to get closer to your hair goals.

[lapushka]

I agree with the other ladies. With getting your thyroid check, possibly? This world is already tough without you beating yourself up girl. I also have flyaways that argan (might not be spelling that correctly) oil really seems to help tame.

You spelled that just fine!

[Mariekeeee14]

I can only offer more hugs and encouragement to see a health professional. In the mean time, be kind to yourself:)

[yulia396]

Everyone here is supporting you sincerely, so please really consider loving yourself in tough moments like these. These people's genuine care + love is reminding me of when I was a kid, a feeling of safety around your loved ones who always cheer you up. But eventually as I grew up I taught myself to give me the same amount of love and care, just so that I can rely on myself. Let this suffering of yours make the bond between you and yourself stronger. Sometimes in life we gotta figure out how to rely on ourselves, how to have faith in ourselves - and usually those are very tough times. But also, it's your decision when to draw the line - you can tell yourself that from now on you cut the BS and start taking care of your mental and physical health properly, like a calm mother would(I think they're the most professional at these cause LOVE). Please do not be hard on yourself, go check your health and give yourself some love. You deserve good, beautiful things in life so give yourself the time to achieve them. It takes years to get better, YEARS - doesn't happen overnight. Even if the sunny days seem far or impossible right now, hang in there and you'll see everything will be fine. Be strong, toughen up, there's beauty in moments like these too. Comfort - no. But beauty - yes! And try to appreciate it, to always see deeper. Years like there are far more precious than idilic, calm years let's say on an Island. I cannot give you any professional advice on your problem, all I can say is go visit a doctor. And if you don't like him/her, visit 2, heck, visit 3! Everything can be solved, I promise. Once you start losing faith in yourself, that's when life starts demolishing. All's built on your mental health. You're the gamechanger! So make it GOOD, even if it's bad! We all root for you girl! And never say you're ugly - not even as a joke. Reeducate yourself NOT to say this even as a silly,innocent joke - nobody needs that. You're beautiful, very beautiful. Maybe you can't see it yet. Once you will be happy again, you'll bloom like a flower. Best wishes to you, hang in there and stay stroooong girl!!! Remember self love is not a calm,romantic process, sometimes it's rough, bumpy, painful. I know how it feels, most humans go through this discomfort where their lives feel like a bad, depressing dream. But I've also gotten out of that, like many others! We're here to support you <3 :grouphug: Chin up, girl!

[RadioactiveLily]

Be kind to yourself- real hair is not a Pantene commercial! For what it’s worth, I have never in my life colored or bleached my hair, and haven’t used heat on it in 7 years. I still have shorter ends, even up to the scalp, that frizz and stick out everywhere. Some of it may be breakage, but it’s normal for healthy hair to be all different lengths, that’s just natural. Most hair that doesn’t look that way has probably been drowned in product and heat- styled into submission. At some point I came to see my hair is beautiful even though it’s not salon sleek perfect and embraced it for what it naturally is. It wasn’t worth the damage to me to try to make it look different.

I encourage you to see that your hair is beautiful too. Even if you’re not satisfied with the way it look right now, the patience and care you put in to it is beautiful. Take pride in that as you continue to work toward your goal. I second others’ suggestion to look after your health. Maybe try wearing it up too for a while, if it’s long enough for a braid or bun. Protective styles might help if it’s breakage. You might have some fun with parandi too. https://forums.longhaircommunity.com/showthread.php?t=91490

[spidermom]

I suspect that most of the short hairs sticking up all over the place are new hairs. Everybody has them, but they’re more noticeable on some hair types than others. They’re a good sign. New hair is growing in - yay! Take the very best care of your health that you can. Healthy self-care is a great hobby!

[Kalamazoo]

Maybe, if the little short hairs sticking up are actually newbies waving and saying "Hi!" :waving:, but you've misdiagnosed them as breakage, maybe you don't have any serious illness after all? I mean, I've gotten super-depressed before, just because somebody took a photo of me that I didn't like. Sometimes, the real tragedy is what one tells oneself about a certain event, rather than the event itself.

So, if those are new little hairs growing in, then it means your scalp's healthy & growing healthy, happy hair for you ~ It's just that your hair's at one of those awkward lengths right now, where you have to use a little creativity to make yourself look good when you look in the mirror today. Maybe, just for today, you could wear a hat or a scarf, if you aren't going anyplace with a dress code where that wouldn't work. I've also heard of stuff called "edge control". I probably should try it myself, but I don't know anything about it. But it might work for you? Or maybe you can just put some water on your comb & comb the stick-up hairs down? Or maybe you can put some mousse on them & comb them into some avante-garde spikey hairdo? (I wonder if I can find a Calvin & Hobbes cartoon about this.) (I googled "calvin and hobbes spikey hair images" & found a bunch of cartoons to laugh at. I also found https://www.gocomics.com/comics/lists/1720939/calvin-and-hobbes-haircuts ) (If you don't know about the Calvin & Hobbes comic strip, Calvin's a 6-year-old boy with a very active imagination & a stuffed toy tiger that he pretends is a real person.)

Just for today. Be silly. Have fun. Laugh at yourself. Tell your hair that you love it, that you understand that it's growing, and that it's doing its best to turn into Rapunzel tresses, just like you want it to. ... And if your hair's growing at the average speed of 1 cm/month, then your hair will reward you by being 0.0333333333 cm longer at this time tomorrow.

Or maybe a headband could work?

Just don't have your pet tiger cut your hair!

[Kalamazoo]

I'm hoping my last comment didn't come off wrong, like I'm trying to make fun of you. I didn't mean it that way. I've also had years and years and years and did I say a really long time? when I really, truly hated the way my hair looked, & I'm trying to outgrow that bad attitude towards myself. I think I need to not take myself so seriously, & I really enjoy the Calvin & Hobbes cartoons. Reading a lot of them one summer led me to want a cat, because I wanted my own Hobbes.

And I look better, regardless of how my hair looks, when I don't have an expression on my face that says "I hate the way I look!"

And there are people out there who wear crazy hairstyles that look like they were inspired by Calvin. It isn't my personal choice to look like Calvin, but people who do rock those styles, succeed because of their attitude of "Cool! DUDE!"

Yes, of course, what you really want to look like is Rapunzel. I know, because I feel that way, too.

But the light in one's eyes is much more essential to one's appearance than one's hairstyle.

I know. I forget that all the time. I want to remember it more. I think it would make my life happier & more successful at what I really want to do with my life. I mean, sometimes I get so absorbed in my hair that other, more important things are getting left undone.

So I'm busy preaching to myself & hoping that I'll internalize the advice that I started out thinking I was writing for you...

Oh dear. The joys of true confessions.

Meanwhile, yes, I'm applying all the advice I can on how to get my hair to grow faster. After all, this awkward stage has to end sometime! (So the next awkward stage can begin!)

[Green leaves]

It didn't come across like that Kalamazoo, and we all need to remember this:
the real tragedy is what one tells oneself about a certain event, rather than the event itself.
Also Calvin & Hobbes haircuts made my day.

[Kalamazoo]

Thanks, Green leaves!

[patchoulilove]

Give yourself some TLC. Purchase some 100% jojoba oil (usually about $8usd) and a soft cloth headband in a color you like. Get some mini claw clips from walmart or a pharmacy/grocery. Get a satin hair wrap (sold in the "ethnic" section of the hair aisle). Take a hot bath and relax. Then, oil your hair. Massage your scalp carefully. Don't think about anything negative just let those feelings drift away. When they come to mind remind yourself that you don't have to believe everything you think. Thoughts are just that. They aren't always fact. Let the jojoba oil soak in your hair for a few hours. Feel free to wash it out or leave it depending on your preference. Get into the habit of lightly oiling daily as part of self care. Sleep in your satin hair wrap to help take care of the new growth. Wear your headband when you feel embarrassed and want to hide. Clip your hair in little buns with your claw clips to play with your look as you wait for further progress. Step by step we walk the path.

:blossom:

[Mariekeeee14]

Give yourself some TLC. Purchase some 100% jojoba oil (usually about $8usd) and a soft cloth headband in a color you like. Get some mini claw clips from walmart or a pharmacy/grocery. Get a satin hair wrap (sold in the "ethnic" section of the hair aisle). Take a hot bath and relax. Then, oil your hair. Massage your scalp carefully. Don't think about anything negative just let those feelings drift away. When they come to mind remind yourself that you don't have to believe everything you think. Thoughts are just that. They aren't always fact. Let the jojoba oil soak in your hair for a few hours. Feel free to wash it out or leave it depending on your preference. Get into the habit of lightly oiling daily as part of self care. Sleep in your satin hair wrap to help take care of the new growth. Wear your headband when you feel embarrassed and want to hide. Clip your hair in little buns with your claw clips to play with your look as you wait for further progress. Step by step we walk the path.

:blossom:

Lovely advice, I’m gonna use it too!

[Zombee]

Thank you for the very kind responses and advice, I read each one and really appreciate them. xo
I don't feel quite right, I have a blood test scheduled and I'm trying to be kinder to myself. My hair is dominating my life at the moment, I look in the mirror and I get so sad. Nothing I do seems to work. I know I need to focus on things that I have more control over so I can improve my well being. Hopefully, healthier hair would be a positive after-effect.
I have treated myself to some new oils and a satin hair wrap, thank you again for all the messages. xo

[Kalamazoo]

We love you, Zombee! :waltz: