I cut at least 2 years worth of growth !

[valkyrie90]

Well finally it happened. I don't know if this happened to any of you that a hair dresser can talk you to cut off not 2cm but 2 years of growth. That hair dresser happens to be my friend. I thought she'd leave hip length at most for me to mourn over but she made it to bra trap length which is way too much to tolerate. After years of growing my hair out I finally got convinced that my hair is trash. I just want all the hair shaming to stop. I like my hair but maybe not as much as social acceptance I guess. I had fun with my hair. I felt happy doing all the weird things with my hair. I really did. When I saw all the hair on the floor I bursted into tears. There's nothing I could do to take it back. All I have now is a funny bun that won't hold. My hair is less of trash than it used to be because there is less of it left haha. Funny thing is my brain can't keep up with the change. I feel that my hair is superb short like pixie something but everytime I run my finger thru it the feeling of my dead long hair still lingers. I wanna start it over. This time nothing and no one can stop me but I feel too depressed for that. I just wanna sit back and mourn a bit more. Please tell me this feeling will go away and sorry for being dramatic, guys. I just need to let it out ...

[tisa]

I have grown and cut my hair in cycles a lot in the past and only recently got interested in growing it long. I have regret my haircuts in the past so I know how you feel and I'm sorry that you feel this way. It's upsetting that she convinced you that your hair is in a bad shape and cut more than you were willing to lose, thankfully hair grows and eventually you will have longer hair again. Maybe you could focus on the health of your hair at this moment and perhaps enjoy wearing it down a bit more and get to know it at this length. Eventually you'll feel better about your hair and won't be upset over it anymore but it will take some time. Hang in there. :blossom:

[Begemot]

It's okay to mourn it, no need to apologize. Sucks that you have experienced shaming so much. People can be so weird about what other people do with their appearance.

Good luck and lots of new, quick hair growth to you :blossom: :grouphug:

[Joules]

Well finally it happened. I don't know if this happened to any of you that a hair dresser can talk you to cut off not 2cm but 2 years of growth. That hair dresser happens to be my friend. I thought she'd leave hip length at most for me to mourn over but she made it to bra trap length which is way too much to tolerate. After years of growing my hair out I finally got convinced that my hair is trash.

I'd suggest you don't talk to them ever again. That hairdresser is for sure no friend.

I'm so sorry that it happened to you. It's ok to cry and mourn the loss of something that was important to you. You're not being overly dramatic at all. Take your time to recover, I'm sure in a couple of weeks at most you'll feel better and more determined than ever to grow super long healthy hair :blossom:

[Aerya]

I'm with Joules on this one. Hair is a personal thing to people and a hairdresser knows that. Cutting two inches instead of one can be a honest mistake, but taking it to BSL when you wanted hip at the shortest? That's just cruel.

And hey, you're allowed to be sad and angry. That's a lot of growth! It's okay to take some time to mourn. We'll be here when you're ready to focus on growing again. :flower:

As for buns not holding, have you tried a disc bun? Those are fairly stable for me and I'm at APL.

[SleepyTangles]

I´m so sorry valkyrie90! The feeling will surely go away, and your hair will grow back stronger and healthier. You are not dramatic, it´s so frustrating when peer pressure pushes you to do stupid things.

I love my friends, but your hair is a personal thing. I prefer to have no previous friendship ties with the beauty professionals I go to: appearance it´s just too personal, you want to be able to tell things as they are, even bluntly. I left my previous hairdresser, which is a family friend, because my perfectionism could easily ruin the friendship, but I wasn´t willing to compromise the results.
I work well with my current hairdresser because we are clear with each other. If she thinks something is going to look bad on me, she will tell me so. Then if I decide not to listen, she will do it as I want then I´ll be on my own.

[milosmomma]

I agree with tisa to focus on the health of the hair you still have. You can take this as an opportunity to perfect your routine, maybe have a deep conditioning and s&d regime, something to relax you, spoil yourself and feel good about your hair. Treat it and yourself so often and go easy on yourself. Take the time to grieve but also dont get lost in it. I understand how you feel, except I did a big chop to myself and felt naked with out my long hair. I went to chin length so it was very shocking and took many years to feel long again. I think that at bsl you may only have to wait a few months for waist length, which is where I(and I think many others)start to feel long.
I do hope you start to feel better soon, you have a good start at bsl for a new long hair journey and you can share it with all of us here and we will show you support while you do. Ignore the haters and come talk to us about hair :)

[The-Young-Maid]

I understand and it's okay to be upset. It's YOUR hair not hers, you walk around with it on YOUR head. I had a similar experience in 2013. I'd repeatedly asked for 2" and she took off more like 5-8" or so. Idk I was too upset to measure. And it was annoying trying to fix my buns. She's the only hairdresser I ever went to (throughout childhood) and the last. I never went back, never stepped foot in there again.

I suggest for your own sanity to evaluate your friendship with this person. Was she someone who berated you about your hair? Does she understand why your upset? If she doesn't respect your wishes she most likely doesn't respect you as a person. You aren't obligated to stay friends with someone who hurt you.

What to do now? Pamper yourself. Get some deep conditioner or a few products that you've been wanting to try. Then tie it back and forget about it. Maybe do some braids or twin braids, they look very cute. Make sure you're eating healthy and staying active. It's also okay to take a break from LHC. Sometimes it's too difficult seeing everyone's hair.

Learn to trim your hair yourself. This is something I'm glad I did. Once you know how you won't feel pressured and cave into getting a "trim" with unpredictable results. I started off with a Creaclip and had someone I trust trim at first, now I just trim myself with some hair ties.

[milosmomma]

Ooo yes how could I forget self trimming? I think it's a valuable tool and feels so great to be in control of your length you keep/take off. You can start with just a tiny micro trim to get accustomed to self trimming. There are many different videos on YouTube and you might feel more comfortable with using a certain technique so I would recommend watching a bunch of tutorials first to get the ideas flowing. Best of luck on you journey valkyrie :)

[Carrieberry77]

So sorry to hear about this. I've been there many times... I trim my hair myself now.

[lapushka]

With friends like that eh? I'm sorry that happened, but think of it this way, you can start afresh and BSL is not a short-short length either, is it? So there's that. Maybe join the BSL to waist thread and get yourself some support to grow!

Good luck & happy growing!

[MusicalSpoons]

Oh no, I'm so sorry! I seem to recall you've had a lot of pressure to cut over the years and I am really sorry you've had to put up with many unsupportive people in your life. In that moment of the hairdresser making you feel so bad about your hair it's understandable you were pushed to breaking point, and I agree with needing to seriously consider whether she really is a friend. You have every right to feel upset and to process the grief and regret and whatever else you're feeling right now - then use that to help you stand your ground next time people try to make you feel terrible about your hair. It sounds like you also need to feel better about your hair anyway (it surel isn't trash at all!), so hopefully while it's growing back you can find things to love about your hair and be able to at least internally deflect other people's negativity :flowers:

Self-trimming is the best way to have control over your hair; if it's physically a bit too difficult do you have anyone you could trust to trim exactly how much you want and no more - do you have anyone supportive enough to do that? (If I remember rightly you mentioned your husband liking your hair before?) It can be really simple, use a CreaClip for a straight or slight U hemline, or ponytail on the forehead for layers once your hair is longer.

We can't *make* you feel better about your hair but you can be sure we'll do our best to help you see its beauty ;) but as The-Young-Maid said, if you need some time away from LHC while it grows out a bit, that's of course absolutely fine too.

[bparnell75]

So sorry to hear about this. I've been there many times... I trim my hair myself now.

Amen, I agree. I have always said I would rather suffer through a bad hair cut I gave my self than trust someone else to cut. Even when it was shoulder length. Fayes method is just so reliable. https://feyeselftrim.livejournal.com/

[GrowingGlory]

You're not alone. For years I wore a ridiculous perm that could have been an homage to my dog. I didn't like it. Why did I ever ask for another perm? I was not backing myself up. Now I do, and I have the long hair that I dreamed about. Maybe this time of mourning for your long hair of the past can become a time of growing in self respect.

[lapushka]

You're not alone. For years I wore a ridiculous perm that could have been an homage to my dog. I didn't like it. Why did I ever ask for another perm? I was not backing myself up. Now I do, and I have the long hair that I dreamed about. Maybe this time of mourning for your long hair of the past can become a time of growing in self respect.

I had plenty of curly perms. I don't think I looked ridiculous. ;) :p I loved taking care of curly hair, at least it beat the odd wannabe texture I had/have.

[valkyrie90]

Thanks you guys for all the support and comfort. LHC always feels like home. I feel sad for losing my hair and feel like I was betrayed by someone I trusted. I think there's a desire to chop off long hair everytime a hairdresser sees one. I don't know. I thought maybe 10cm was gone that's worth cutting as she said but it's all the way back to BSL or a bit above that I don't know I don't dare take a look at the mirror for too long. I had countless of haircuts in my life and I never blinked an eye, mostly because I never care to grow it long I guess. Until I decided to grow it long and come to LHC. It's hard to look at my now-not-long- enough hair then at all the gorgeous manes you guys have. But it also inspire and comfort me. I guess I will check in on the BSL to waist thread soon if I'm qualified. If I wanna grow my hair long I will need a lot of support from here because IRL I only have my husband's support but he's away for now. Bear with me, guys I will stick around ;)

[lapushka]

Well you are welcome to join the thread even though you are not quite BSL yet, you are allowed to post wherever you want. :flower:

[milosmomma]

I'm glad to hear you're sticking around valkyrie. This community is the most supportive place I have encountered online(and probably offline too :lol: )
When I did my big chop I had to step away from lurking, I wasn't a member yet back then, but I would understand if you needed to take some time to yourself. Bsl is a great starting over length I think you will feel back in the "long" category in just months. Hang in there I'm rooting for you. :)

[Poi.Lily]

https://api-da.wixmp.com/_api/download/file?downloadToken=eyJ0eXAiOiJKV1QiLCJhbGciOiJIUzI 1NiJ9.eyJzdWIiOiJ1cm46YXBwOjdlMGQxODg5ODIyNjQzNzNh NWYwZDQxNWVhMGQyNmUwIiwiaXNzIjoidXJuOmFwcDo3ZTBkMT g4OTgyMjY0MzczYTVmMGQ0MTVlYTBkMjZlMCIsImV4cCI6MTU2 MTQxODgyNSwiaWF0IjoxNTYxMzk3MjE1LCJqdGkiOiI1ZDExMD dlOTc0OWQyIiwib2JqIjpudWxsLCJhdWQiOlsidXJuOnNlcnZp Y2U6ZmlsZS5kb3dubG9hZCJdLCJwYXlsb2FkIjp7InBhdGgiOi JcL2ZcLzM1NDE2NzkxLTc4MmYtNDc3YS1iMWMxLTMwZmM1NmMw NmM0NlwvZGRhM3NqZy01ZTljOWVlMC1iNjY1LTQ5OTktYjhhYi 00NzE5M2MwZGFkMWQuanBnIn19.HIbtnvBTULO6Buo6WjXTuLi ctOsZLTDek_6qJIvDpng

This is my current hair cut.
The longest part that I currently have clipped up doesn't quite reach my shoulders yet.

I haven't had my hair length past shoulder length in probably over 10 years.
I wanted to grow it out last year but for a few reasons, cut it short again.
However now I do want to commit to growing out again.

I have had damaged hair in the past, and sometimes cutting off all the damage is the best you can do for your hair.
BSL length is a great length I think!! To me that's really long.
Maybe look into braids?
And get into healthy hair habits to help keep your hair really nice and healthy!!

I am sorry your "friend" did you dirty like that and cut off way may length than you were expecting or asked.
I would reconsider that friendship as others have said.
A friend would be supportive of what makes you happy. And taking that away from you isn't something a friend would do, in my opinion.

It's definitely okay to be upset and to grieve over your loss; hair is a big part of self identity and gives a lot of us comfort. Losing that is never easy.

I wish the best to you and I'm sure you'll be back to feeling better very soon ��

[truepeacenik]

Over the past two years, I’ve cut 18 inches. Two bigger cuts, and a few self trims at an inch or so.
I’m tired of the split ends that look like brooms, and I had such ragged hair from s&d.
Now, there’s still some, but I’m ready to head back to knee.

The feeling like you don’t qualify can pop up here! I’ve been busy, but also avoiding here. I don’t feel like a long hair...with past tailbone hair!
Funny how we psych ourselves out.

[lapushka]

https://api-da.wixmp.com/_api/download/file?downloadToken=eyJ0eXAiOiJKV1QiLCJhbGciOiJIUzI 1NiJ9.eyJzdWIiOiJ1cm46YXBwOjdlMGQxODg5ODIyNjQzNzNh NWYwZDQxNWVhMGQyNmUwIiwiaXNzIjoidXJuOmFwcDo3ZTBkMT g4OTgyMjY0MzczYTVmMGQ0MTVlYTBkMjZlMCIsImV4cCI6MTU2 MTQxODgyNSwiaWF0IjoxNTYxMzk3MjE1LCJqdGkiOiI1ZDExMD dlOTc0OWQyIiwib2JqIjpudWxsLCJhdWQiOlsidXJuOnNlcnZp Y2U6ZmlsZS5kb3dubG9hZCJdLCJwYXlsb2FkIjp7InBhdGgiOi JcL2ZcLzM1NDE2NzkxLTc4MmYtNDc3YS1iMWMxLTMwZmM1NmMw NmM0NlwvZGRhM3NqZy01ZTljOWVlMC1iNjY1LTQ5OTktYjhhYi 00NzE5M2MwZGFkMWQuanBnIn19.HIbtnvBTULO6Buo6WjXTuLi ctOsZLTDek_6qJIvDpng

This is my current hair cut.
The longest part that I currently have clipped up doesn't quite reach my shoulders yet.

I haven't had my hair length past shoulder length in probably over 10 years.
I wanted to grow it out last year but for a few reasons, cut it short again.
However now I do want to commit to growing out again.

I have had damaged hair in the past, and sometimes cutting off all the damage is the best you can do for your hair.
BSL length is a great length I think!! To me that's really long.
Maybe look into braids?
And get into healthy hair habits to help keep your hair really nice and healthy!!

I am sorry your "friend" did you dirty like that and cut off way may length than you were expecting or asked.
I would reconsider that friendship as others have said.
A friend would be supportive of what makes you happy. And taking that away from you isn't something a friend would do, in my opinion.

It's definitely okay to be upset and to grieve over your loss; hair is a big part of self identity and gives a lot of us comfort. Losing that is never easy.

I wish the best to you and I'm sure you'll be back to feeling better very soon ��

Slightly OT, but your hair is coming along nicely!

[Poi.Lily]

@lapushka
Thank you very much!!

[SimplySmile]

I totally understand this!!! I am still miserable over my big chop.

I cut off 15 inches 01-05-2019. It has now been almost 6 months and I regret it everyday. I thought that feeling would go away but it has not yet for me. :taz: My hair dresser was my cousin.. Both her and my sister don't get the whole long hair thing and they said I needed a fresh look.. Needless to say we need to stop listening to other people's opinions about our hair. It is ours, all that should matter is what we think and like! I am using this bad feeling I have as motivation to grow my hair out longer and stronger then before.

I hope your bad feeling goes away, the best thing I can suggest is put it up in a bun and forget about it. I had to use headbands, bobby pins, claw clips and so many other things to get a bun to actually stay at first due to a bunch of layers but I just didn't care how the bun looked I just wanted to not think about my hair for a few months.

[lapushka]

@lapushka
Thank you very much!!

You're welcome. I applaud all efforts at growing hair, for sure. And you are doing just fine! :D

[spidermom]

The best advice I can give is to let go of regret and appreciate your hair for what it is now. It IS possible.

[Genne]

Well finally it happened. I don't know if this happened to any of you that a hair dresser can talk you to cut off not 2cm but 2 years of growth. That hair dresser happens to be my friend. I thought she'd leave hip length at most for me to mourn over but she made it to bra trap length which is way too much to tolerate. After years of growing my hair out I finally got convinced that my hair is trash. I just want all the hair shaming to stop. I like my hair but maybe not as much as social acceptance I guess. I had fun with my hair. I felt happy doing all the weird things with my hair. I really did. When I saw all the hair on the floor I bursted into tears. There's nothing I could do to take it back. All I have now is a funny bun that won't hold. My hair is less of trash than it used to be because there is less of it left haha. Funny thing is my brain can't keep up with the change. I feel that my hair is superb short like pixie something but everytime I run my finger thru it the feeling of my dead long hair still lingers. I wanna start it over. This time nothing and no one can stop me but I feel too depressed for that. I just wanna sit back and mourn a bit more. Please tell me this feeling will go away and sorry for being dramatic, guys. I just need to let it out ...

Hello,
I've left the hair salon for a trim in absolute tears so many times over the years that I feel like the stylists who do this chop often times have issues of their own, (unless it is a client decision based solidly and with delay from the initial scheduling and actual appointment.)
I'm so sorry you are experiencing this, truly I am.
Jen

[Genne]

Amen, I agree. I have always said I would rather suffer through a bad hair cut I gave my self than trust someone else to cut. Even when it was shoulder length. Fayes method is just so reliable. https://feyeselftrim.livejournal.com/

Thank you to this and yes, yes, yes to self trims. I am much more tolerant of an errant trim if it is one I gave myself. I know I can correct it 'next' time. I also have control over how much and what I want to trim. If I feel it should go a little higher, that is my choice to do so as my hands and eyes are doing it. If I want to let it stay and keep the trim short, then I am also more tolerant of any ends looking scraggly. Now however, I am a total fan of Fairy ends and "get" how hair doesn't grow like a one length skirt but in cycles. :)
Again, I understand your pain, loss and agree that mourning is acceptable here, (its also a bit of betrayal because you put trust in someone that didn't live up to it.)
Jen

[GrowingGlory]

It's only hair, and it will grow back. Yet it is SO MUCH MORE than just hair. It is memories, part of a persona, connection to family, friends, tribe, nation, religion and spirituality...it's been a great loss. But it is over, and growing NOW. Is it possible for you to celebrate that?

[Groovy Granny]

Well finally it happened. I don't know if this happened to any of you that a hair dresser can talk you to cut off not 2cm but 2 years of growth. That hair dresser happens to be my friend. I thought she'd leave hip length at most for me to mourn over but she made it to bra trap length which is way too much to tolerate. After years of growing my hair out I finally got convinced that my hair is trash. I just want all the hair shaming to stop. I like my hair but maybe not as much as social acceptance I guess. I had fun with my hair. I felt happy doing all the weird things with my hair. I really did. When I saw all the hair on the floor I bursted into tears. There's nothing I could do to take it back. All I have now is a funny bun that won't hold. My hair is less of trash than it used to be because there is less of it left haha. Funny thing is my brain can't keep up with the change. I feel that my hair is superb short like pixie something but everytime I run my finger thru it the feeling of my dead long hair still lingers. I wanna start it over. This time nothing and no one can stop me but I feel too depressed for that. I just wanna sit back and mourn a bit more. Please tell me this feeling will go away and sorry for being dramatic, guys. I just need to let it out ...


Thanks you guys for all the support and comfort. LHC always feels like home. I feel sad for losing my hair and feel like I was betrayed by someone I trusted. I think there's a desire to chop off long hair everytime a hairdresser sees one. I don't know. I thought maybe 10cm was gone that's worth cutting as she said but it's all the way back to BSL or a bit above that I don't know I don't dare take a look at the mirror for too long. I had countless of haircuts in my life and I never blinked an eye, mostly because I never care to grow it long I guess. Until I decided to grow it long and come to LHC. It's hard to look at my now-not-long- enough hair then at all the gorgeous manes you guys have. But it also inspire and comfort me. I guess I will check in on the BSL to waist thread soon if I'm qualified. If I wanna grow my hair long I will need a lot of support from here because IRL I only have my husband's support but he's away for now. Bear with me, guys I will stick around

Oh wow...I am so sorry....feel free to vent with NO apologies (((HUGS)))

I have also been victim to 'friends' and relatives who I trusted with my hair.....never again :tmi:

Focus on what you can do and get creative/improvise with styles until it works 100%....and remember how this feels when you are tempted to snip down the road ;)

Try to enjoy each stage you encounter going forward, remaining aware of the fact that each day it is LONGER and will never be that short again. :cheer:

[Liz_H]

I won't repeat all the good advice you've received. I just want to say go ahead and mourn, both the loss of your hair and the friendship. Both of these are important issues. Did your friend talk you into letting her cut, or just go ahead and cut it? If the first, it could have been a misguided attempt to help. It still shows a lack of respect, and some egotism.

Another note - anytime we feel a loss, it's ok to mourn. It may not be a big deal to anyone else, but it's our own heart that hurts.

[S&S]

I hope your bad feeling goes away, the best thing I can suggest is put it up in a bun and forget about it. I had to use headbands, bobby pins, claw clips and so many other things to get a bun to actually stay at first due to a bunch of layers but I just didn't care how the bun looked I just wanted to not think about my hair for a few months.


I feel for all the ladies out there with the unintentional big chops!


My hair always seems to grow the fastest when I don't obsess over it (hard I know) - So yes, I agree - Tying it back and not thinking about it will get to great lengths :o