No one takes me serious

[NicoleJean]

So about 6 months ago I started my goal towards tailbone to classic. I am currently almost at waist. I’ve enjoyed telling friends and family about my goals and sharing my progress but no one seems to take me serious and everyone makes a joke out of it.

My husband accidentally rips out a bunch of my hair when he gets close to me because he is just not careful and then when I get upset I get comments like “well it will grow back” or “it’s just a few hairs”. But I keep explaining it will take years for that hair to grow back and a few hairs here and there add up. He now says my hair is getting in the way too much and that it’s annoying.

My mom who had super long hair in the 70s and tells me my hair is just going to end up looking thin and damaged. Friends think I’m obsessed or ask if I’m growing it out to donate.

No one seems to understand or realize how serious this is and how much it means to me. I’m so glad I found this forum full of wonderful people who understand this passion and commitment.

[Zesty]

I think most of us learn to be choosy about sharing our hair goals. You're right, the LHC is a great place for support. People "in real life" don't always "get" it, but that's okay, you just come here instead. :)

You might prove the naysayers wrong when you have gorgeous long hair. Or they might always think it's weird. But it doesn't matter -- grow it for you and your enjoyment. :flower:

[Dark40]

I'm so sorry that you are going through that. I tell my mom all of the time what is my dream goal for my hair to grow to classic length, and she would always tell me, "Your hair will never grow that long." Because, it's never been hip length or that long before. But I've always thought that anything is possible. Especially, with my family's hereditary on on father's side. I have an aunt that used to have classic length hair, and a cousin that also use to have classic length hair as well. But by the time I was born they had went through the, "Big chop." So, keep doing what you're doing with your husband telling him to stop pulling out your hairs. It takes a long time for those hairs to grow back.

What is your hair type? If you have nice thick hair your mother shouldn't be saying that to you.

[NicoleJean]

Thank you for all the support. I’ve been lurking here for about 6 months and just joined because everyone in my
Life seems to be tired of hearing me talk about my hair and I want to be able to see everyone’s photos.

I have dark blond fine hair that was almost white as a child. My ponytail measure 3.25” and at 26.5” long I have no tapering yet so I’m hoping I’ll be able to go quite long. I don’t color or heat style and I’ve been trying to be healthy and take good care of my hair. So far it still looks healthy.

I figured everyone here would understand me :)

[lapushka]

No one seems to understand or realize how serious this is and how much it means to me. I’m so glad I found this forum full of wonderful people who understand this passion and commitment.

That's what we're here for! :thumbsup:

I would be careful who I talk to. I don't blurt out that I'm growing my hair to just anyone. Only people that are really close to me; not just anyone.

Also, you can't take it that harshly or seriously. These are "regular" people you're dealing with, not hair-obsessed people like us. LOL! If your husband accidentally rips out hair, it's not his fault, and I'm sure he won't understand how it will take years to grow back - nobody does that doesn't understand long hair like we do. So it's pointless to even try. Don't hold it against him! :flower:

[NicoleJean]

People laugh at me because every time I loose a hair I sigh and say “another casualty.” My lost hairs have now been fondly named “my Casualties”.

[NicoleJean]

I have like 20 brushes and combs scattered throughout my house. Always gotta be prepared to tackle a tangle!
I have hair cutting scissors in every room and in my car and purse. It drives me crazy if I notice a split end and can’t cut it. I even cut them in public while people look at me oddly.

Please tell me I’m normal :)

[Ylva]

People laugh at me because every time I loose a hair I sigh and say “another casualty.” My lost hairs have now been fondly named “my Casualties”.

I actually think that's kind of funny but in a good way! :) I mean, we lose hairs every day anyway and it's inevitable.

Just the other day, I said to my mom (who had butt length hair in the past, in the 60s, then she buzzed it) that I'm letting my hair grow to classic or thereabouts and she just blurted out to me that she hopes it won't grow that long. I couldn't help but wonder why she'd say that, it's not like she deals with my hair anyway other than braids it every once in a while, and her reasoning was just "Isn't your current length a nice and convenient length?" :doh: Last year, when I had fairytale ends, she'd just ask me "Why are your ends so thin?" and stuff like that. It is what it is.

[Dark40]

Wow! You have a lot of brushes and combs scattered throughout your house! I only have 6 brushes and combs scattered throughout my house. Yes, you do have tackle the tangle is true! You sound a girlfriend I had. She would carry a pair of baby scissors and whenever she saw split ends she would cut them off in public. As many times as I saw her she hardly had any split ends. I think she was just scissor-happy. I just mainly saw lots of frizziness. But it was funny that her hair grew to her butt! :D

[Stardreamer]

Hey, don't rely on people in real life for support! Many people do not take hair seriously.
On the LHC you will find support :)
I guess people get irritable in real life because they don't really care or they think you're showing off. We all have a passion for hair here so welcome, and good luck!

[NicoleJean]

I actually think that's kind of funny but in a good way! :) I mean, we lose hairs every day anyway and it's inevitable.

Just the other day, I said to my mom (who had butt length hair in the past, in the 60s, then she buzzed it) that I'm letting my hair grow to classic or thereabouts and she just blurted out to me that she hopes it won't grow that long. I couldn't help but wonder why she'd say that, it's not like she deals with my hair anyway other than braids it every once in a while, and her reasoning was just "Isn't your current length a nice and convenient length?" :doh: Last year, when I had fairytale ends, she'd just ask me "Why are your ends so thin?" and stuff like that. It is what it is.

I think fairy tale ends are beautiful! It’s my goal to have them.

[Genne]

So about 6 months ago I started my goal towards tailbone to classic. I am currently almost at waist. I’ve enjoyed telling friends and family about my goals and sharing my progress but no one seems to take me serious and everyone makes a joke out of it.

My husband accidentally rips out a bunch of my hair when he gets close to me because he is just not careful and then when I get upset I get comments like “well it will grow back” or “it’s just a few hairs”. But I keep explaining it will take years for that hair to grow back and a few hairs here and there add up. He now says my hair is getting in the way too much and that it’s annoying.

My mom who had super long hair in the 70s and tells me my hair is just going to end up looking thin and damaged. Friends think I’m obsessed or ask if I’m growing it out to donate.

No one seems to understand or realize how serious this is and how much it means to me. I’m so glad I found this forum full of wonderful people who understand this passion and commitment.

It sounds like two people who are closest to you, (your mother and your husband,) treat you without any conscience at all! Your husband cannot be bothered to "apologize" and your mother says disparaging negative things about your goals.

I'm glad you found this place too.
Jen
p.s. edit to add: everyone's comments about your family as regular naysayers are pretty awesome and much more tolerant than my thoughts, (although I had an episode of domestic abuse so my tolerance is set very low.)

[NicoleJean]

Oh and my sister who went to beauty school keeps telling me that I MUST trim my hair every 4-6 weeks to keep the ends healthy. I keep telling her “no way”. I would never gain any length if I did that. So glad I learned about search and destroy from this forum. She thinks it’s crazy to spend hours doing that when you can just get a trim in 20 mins.

I don’t think people mean to react and say these things in a mean way. It just seems like when your hair gets longer it looks beautiful and you get compliments until it gets “too long” then people start to think it’s more weird than beautiful. I think very long hair is so beautiful and everyone should be so proud because I’ve realized it takes a lot of patience and hard work and loving care to achieve long and healthy hair. Those who have never attempted it just assume all you have to do is just sit and wait. But there is so much more to it!

[lapushka]

Oh and my sister who went to beauty school keeps telling me that I MUST trim my hair every 4-6 weeks to keep the ends healthy. I keep telling her “no way”. I would never gain any length if I did that. So glad I learned about search and destroy from this forum. She thinks it’s crazy to spend hours doing that when you can just get a trim in 20 mins.

I don’t think people mean to react and say these things in a mean way. It just seems like when your hair gets longer it looks beautiful and you get compliments until it gets “too long” then people start to think it’s more weird than beautiful. I think very long hair is so beautiful and everyone should be so proud because I’ve realized it takes a lot of patience and hard work and loving care to achieve long and healthy hair. Those who have never attempted it just assume all you have to do is just sit and wait. But there is so much more to it!

That is certainly true if you're maintaining a style, you can't let a pixie go that far, or a bob if you want that "pristine" line to it, not if you're growing your hair, however!

Leave your passion for the forum, I'd say.

[Simsy]

There is definitely something to be said for pinning our hair up and keeping it out of sight in real life for the most part. The normals just don’t get it sometimes and trying to explain ourselves is an uphill battle without reinforcements.

[Dark40]

Oh and my sister who went to beauty school keeps telling me that I MUST trim my hair every 4-6 weeks to keep the ends healthy. I keep telling her “no way”. I would never gain any length if I did that. So glad I learned about search and destroy from this forum. She thinks it’s crazy to spend hours doing that when you can just get a trim in 20 mins.

I don’t think people mean to react and say these things in a mean way. It just seems like when your hair gets longer it looks beautiful and you get compliments until it gets “too long” then people start to think it’s more weird than beautiful. I think very long hair is so beautiful and everyone should be so proud because I’ve realized it takes a lot of patience and hard work and loving care to achieve long and healthy hair. Those who have never attempted it just assume all you have to do is just sit and wait. But there is so much more to it!

Oh no, I don't care what hairdressers say about how often you should trim. 4-6 weeks is too much. I totally agree with you on that note. You won't gain or see any length. I don't even do search and destroy. I just make sure I take good care of my hair so that it's healthy by co-washing, using the right shampoos, conditioners, deep conditioners, and oils. I haven't had any issues with split ends for many years since I've joined here at the LHC in 2010!

[MusicalSpoons]

Oh and my sister who went to beauty school keeps telling me that I MUST trim my hair every 4-6 weeks to keep the ends healthy. I keep telling her “no way”. I would never gain any length if I did that. So glad I learned about search and destroy from this forum. She thinks it’s crazy to spend hours doing that when you can just get a trim in 20 mins.

I don’t think people mean to react and say these things in a mean way. It just seems like when your hair gets longer it looks beautiful and you get compliments until it gets “too long” then people start to think it’s more weird than beautiful. I think very long hair is so beautiful and everyone should be so proud because I’ve realized it takes a lot of patience and hard work and loving care to achieve long and healthy hair. Those who have never attempted it just assume all you have to do is just sit and wait. But there is so much more to it!

In fairness to her, that's true for many hairdresser clients who continually damage their hair with bleach/dye and heat, or who wash it every day with harsh shampoo and wear it down all the time. But undamaged hair can usually go as long as you want without trims if it's worn up and protected and cared for well, possibly even years between trims :D

Edit: in response to the second half of your comment, people tend to have a tolerance for whatever's within the range of 'normal' and anything outside of that is just weird. Those who automatically see certain lengths of hair as 'too long' have either had it somehow instilled that long hair = unkempt, dirty, neglected, or they think it's unsanitary (because apparently people can learn to automatically move their clothes out of the way when they use the toilet but not their hair ?!?!?! *Sigh* :rolleyes: :shake:) What people don't realise or even try to think about is that actually hair kept up and away is cleaner, regardless of its length, than hair left loose to pick up germs, dirt, pollution, etc.

So yeah, LHC is the safest space for sharing your passion :)

[Entangled]

Whether it feels like it or not, extra long hair is a kind of counterculture, nowadays, and it seems like most people find it free game to comment on or criticize (especially family). I’ve learned to avoid what I can and wear it up most of the time. I keep reminding myself most people have pretty conventional idea about what hair is and how it looks, and typical misunderstandings about thin or dead ends.

[Genne]

Oh and my sister who went to beauty school keeps telling me that I MUST trim my hair every 4-6 weeks to keep the ends healthy. I keep telling her “no way”. I would never gain any length if I did that. So glad I learned about search and destroy from this forum. She thinks it’s crazy to spend hours doing that when you can just get a trim in 20 mins.

I don’t think people mean to react and say these things in a mean way. It just seems like when your hair gets longer it looks beautiful and you get compliments until it gets “too long” then people start to think it’s more weird than beautiful. I think very long hair is so beautiful and everyone should be so proud because I’ve realized it takes a lot of patience and hard work and loving care to achieve long and healthy hair. Those who have never attempted it just assume all you have to do is just sit and wait. But there is so much more to it!

I agree, there is a lot more to it.

It is also highly likely that these 3 pivotal people in your family may become your loudest fans when you reach your goal and, heaven forbid, an outsider should try to say anything negative!

If your sister were to say you need to trim again and push it, possibly ask her what she would recommend if you do not want to trim, to prevent splitting.

Glad you are here. Like you I am so very glad to have an outlet to gush and ruminate on for letting our locks grow!
Jen

[Aerya]

Most people outside of long hair circles don't really get it. Think about it - the trends for hair now (and the past decade) is all about dye, changing it up, and always having a style to it. Even longer hair must have layers cut in and highlights and what not to look "good." The thing about having to cut your hair every six weeks is true if you are to maintain a style, and that "rule" has seeped into most people's general hair consensus.

Thankfully, we don't have to adhere. But that also means a lot of people aren't going to get it, and some might even be blatantly rude about it. After all, hair beyond a certain length is to many scraggly/thin/gross by default, and if you have fairytale ends or let them know how long you've gone without a trim, well, then you're pretty much free for all. Unless you're up for that, be a bit more picky about who you share this with. I understand your enthusiasm, but not everyone cares! If anyone asks, tell them you're growing your hair out, if they ask why, tell them you like it that way. You're not obliged to share the details of your plans, your routine, the frequency of trimming and so on to someone who will only belittle you for it.

As for your husband ripping hairs out, well, keep it out of the way! He could be more careful but it doesn't sound like he is being intentionally careless. Hair gets everywhere! Bun it or braid it, and that problem's solved. :)

And whenever you feel like talking about hair, that's what the LHC is for! :flower:

[Joules]

I don't think people need to know about my hobbies and plans, whether it's long hair, cross-stitching or collecting expensive nail polishes. That's something only close friends and family should know, in my opinion. My hobbies may be weird, but a lot of other people have interests that I just don't get, and it's fine, we're all weirdos in one way or another :)

ETA: the husband seems just rude. If my SO rips out a few hairs and doesn't even apologise for it, he'd get permanent bald patches prematurely. But I have a strong no-BS attitude and I don't compromise well when I'm not comfortable with something, you either treat me with respect or you leave my sight.

[Carrieberry77]

To be honest I don't share any of my hobbies and obsessions with friends or family too much since I know they won't always understand and that's totally fine.
For example I do waist training (corset training) and I know for sure that most people without researching the subject are brainwashed into thinking that corsetting is dangerous and outdated.
When in fact if done correctly and properly it can improve posture and figure and is in no way a health hazard.
The same goes for growing long hair.. Most people have been influenced by "group think" about how hair should be kept or cared for, therefore I don't even talk about it to people. I love online forums like this where I can talk to other like minded people.

[hollygolightly]

i wouldn't share this with my friends because as others said they wouldn't understand, although if they make any mechanical damage to my hair let's say touching it too much or whatever I wouldn't be mad since they don't know how important it is to me. The only ones that know about my obsession are my parents, since they have to see me a whole day with heavy oiled hair, my sister which is tired of me talking to her about my hair and my bf which is the only one that really listens to me when I talk about my hair and since I teached him a lot of stuff he also advises me, besides he trims my hair so that's a plus.