Depression and Haircare

[Zwaluw]

My life has thrown me a couple curveballs, and I'm noticing I'm not taking a lot of care of my hair right now (I'm past tailbone possibly heading towards classic). I keep forgetting to brush it, so it languishes in a braid for a day or three, and then I have to do my best to carefully detangle it instead of just ripping through. I haven't washed it in well, ages, I don't know how long. I don't even have shampoo or conditioner at my new apartment.

What do you do when taking care of yourself/your hair is overwhelming? Should I cut back to waist to make things easier? Try to force myself to shampoo and condition? Just leave it be?

Thanks!

[embee]

Sometimes life just seems overwhelming. For me, doing the very basic simple things, going through some "normal" motions helps center and settle me. Moving to a new place would be upsetting because everything is different so everything is a challenge.

For me, brushing has always felt good. Like tooth brushing, it makes me feel better. If I were sick or depressed I would not be up to doing fancy stuff nor major hairwashing, although a nice shower can be comforting.

Brushing my hair is part of my standard routine, like brushing my teeth or having a cup of coffee, and only if I'm actually *sick* (fever or nausea) am I omitting those. And even then I'd prefer my hair up, just for convenience.

Hair can go a long time without washing - especially the length. Check out the NW/SO or the WO thread.

Hope you find your balance soon. Inner and Outward confusion are so exhausting.

[Obsidian]

As someone who has dealt with depression my whole life, you just have to fight through it. Make yourself do the things you don't want to, it really can help get you out of your funk by getting back to a regular routine.

[lapushka]

As someone who has dealt with depression my whole life, you just have to fight through it. Make yourself do the things you don't want to, it really can help get you out of your funk by getting back to a regular routine.

I have 0 experience with depression, but I think this ^^ is solid advice. It will probably make you feel a whole lot better when you have a fresh head of hair.

Hang in there.

[Ylva]

Try to incorporate the detangling into something "brainless" you do otherwise, too, like watching TV or something like that. So that it just gets done and that's it. Then, your hair is free to sit in a braid for however long you want again. When it comes to washing, feel free to stretch as long as it doesn't cause any health problems for your scalp. It's not that important in any sense.

When I was depressed, I wasn't particularly kind to my hair, but I'm glad it was strong enough to take it. However, that was also the time that I got long hair again. I'm sure that wouldn't have happened otherwise. My hair just grew without me noticing, and one evening when I was waiting for my microwave meal to finish, I glanced at my reflection in the window to my right, saw my ponytail and thought to myself: "Hm, my hair has gotten kinda long."

So perhaps when you're in a better place you'll have much longer hair than you last remembered. I don't know if that's what you want, but at least it'll give you the chance to cut off a ton of hair and to have very healthy, fresh ends.

[spidergoat]

Everyone has given sound advice so far. I recently went through a rough depression and oddly, taking care of my hair was really soothing and made me feel better, at least temporarily.
Something that really helped was to make a short list (emphasis on short) of things I wanted or needed to get done that day. I made sure that amongst the necessities, I put one item on the list that was just about self care. In my case it was hair, and as I felt better I added more self care items.
I hope you've got support in your daily life, because that's important too. I think there's a depression or mental health thread somewhere around here too. You're definitely not alone.

[Cg]

As someone who has dealt with depression my whole life, you just have to fight through it. Make yourself do the things you don't want to, it really can help get you out of your funk by getting back to a regular routine.

Yes, yes, 100% yes. Having accomplished something, no matter how inconsequential it may seem to others, will give you a lift. Just gritting your teeth and making yourself do one small thing makes it easier to accomplish the next small thing, and the next.... And that will make you feel better even if your circumstances have not changed.

[Reyn127]

I’m sending you a virtual hug, because I struggle with depression a lot too.

My father passed away last year, and I went a literal two weeks without touching my hair, and it took another week to detangle it all once I started. So I know the hair/depression struggle.

In my experience, there were certain points during which I just could not function, which is sometimes ok. Don’t beat yourself up for not having the motivation. Don’t let people’s judgments of your hair care affect you. Don’t try to do your hair while you’re having an episode, basically, if it’s going to be upsetting.

But do remember, if it’s something you like and that makes you happy in general, good hair care does help maintain it. It can be quite rewarding to get through some tangles and have nice, smooth hair again. If your hair does make you happy, try to use its care as a tool to make yourself feel accomplished/completed/etc. Serums can really help with tangles, as can a tiny (1inch or less) trim sometimes. Basically just make yourself do it when you are able, and it may actually end up helping you.

I don’t think it’s necessary to cut your hair unless it’s actually a source of stress/unhappiness. If it brings you any type of joy or enjoyment, then I’d say to hang in there! But if, every time you touch your hair you really feel worse and it feels like it’s causing issues emotionally for whatever reason, maybe a small cut (like 1 milestone up) May be the way to go.

I hope you’re able to feel better soon, and you can get some good advice here. Don’t be afraid to hash it out more if you need more help.

[GrowinIt]

I think you should leave it alone if you can. Only cut it if you think that it will make you feel better, but it could end up doing the opposite if you cut it, so sometimes it is better to do nothing. It sounds like you are ok wearing braids, try to keep doing that, and don't even worry about washing it.

[Mitzy]

Cutting it will probably make you feel worse. I agree with washing it if you can make yourself, at least you'll have something right there that smells good that way! If not, detangle as best you can, then braid it and forget it until you feel like dealing with it. As long as your scalp doesn't get sore or painful, it won't hurt to not wash for a bit longer.

[Tinyponies]

Sorry you’re having a hard time right now.

I go regularly through periods where I need a *lot* of downtime. I tend to wear my silk sleep cap more often then, sometimes all day but especially in the evenings and when lying down. Might help if you can get hold of one.

Hang in there and best wishes.

[MusicalSpoons]

Right now, the only solid advice I can give is DON'T CUT! A cut whilst not in your proper state of mind is almost guaranteed to cause regret - that's why the 2-week rule is often invoked here - and you don't want anything else to compound the way you're already feeling. If, after some time, you really can't shake the desire to cut (actual desire, not the lying critical voice of depression) then a tiny trim at a time is probably the way to go. If nothing else, as Ylva said, if you really do want to cut back once you're feeling a bit better, you'll have plenty of room to do so and still be at a length you want.

Lots of good advice already; I don't have experience of haircare with depression because my own episodes were before I knew anything about haircare and I can't really rememeber much of that time at all. I do struggle with chronic illness that causes debilitating fatigue and sometimes I find myself lacking motivation because my body just does not want to function, and I do find that a tiny to-do list (I mean tiny, even just literally 1 little thing on it - I guess that's not technically a list but it's something I can achieve) helps me accomplish something still when I'm feeling rotten.

It totally depends on you and your scalp, but here are some ideas for one tiny thing you might think about doing at a time:
Detangle your braid tassle
Oil your braid tassle
Take out the last few bumps of braid and rebraid it
Detangle the last few bumps and rebraid
Work your way up the braid, one step at a time
Decide if you might want to do a co-wash, or just a shampoo, or oil the lengths (only 1 thing, to start with)
Decide what you would need to buy to achieve the above
Buy whatever it is you need to achieve (this might take a few steps - again 1 at a time - like thinking about what shop(s) stock the product, deciding where to go, making a plan to go on a specific day/having a backup plan, then actually going)
You could even just do a water rinse if your hair and scalp don't mind that, or a tea rinse, or whatever - just *some*thing towards feeling like you're caring for your hair again
etc.

As I said, it totally depends on your individual circumstances what kinds of things would be steps towards caring for your hair and scalp, but breaking things down into tiny, manageable chunks is so much more achievable than feeling obliged to tackle one huge task of everything at once. Having each step written down, you can then cross them off and it's a visual ... I can't think of the word. Not reminder, but it's undeniable proof right before your eyes of the things you've already achieved. If you're anything like me, I tend to write a huge to-do list of everything first, but make that a separate, 'master' list. The crossed-off achievements need to be in manageable stages, otherwise crossing off one of a huge long list might not actually help. You could even write down your one or few things for that day/week/whatever, then add the next lot once you've crossed off the first set, and so on. That way you'd be building a list of achievements [I]and have the next step(s) ready.

:grouphug: I do hope you start to feel better :flowers:

[lapushka]

About the cutting part. I would view it rationally, realistically, quietly, logically, and tell yourself that cutting when you're not feeling 100% is a bad idea. You need to make that decision when you're feeling a bit better. At the very least, don't cut on impulse. The 2-week rule thread is floating around here somewhere. Join that if you're unsure. Meanwhile, keep posting here, it might lift you up a bit and make you feel better about your hair.

Tell us when you've managed to do a bit to it, even the smallest bit counts!

[littlestarface]

I go through depression alot on and off all through my life, I always just leave my hair alone. I leave it in a braid or 2 or 3 for a few days sometimes alot longer until i'm feeling abit better and feel like combing it out. I'll spend about 20mins doing this before i got the wet brush now it takes quicker as I get huge persian cat mats in my hair. Braids don't save my hair or anything but it gets it out of my way and I don't have to deal with it during those times. Hope you feel better sweety.

[MusicalSpoons]

When I originally posted, I didn't see the couple of posts before mine. Agree 100% with Tinyponies about having something satin for sleeping/lying down. I have satin pillowcases on my pillow, and one that goes over my hair at night; the lower pillowcase also gets draped over anything nearby when I need to lay down to still protect my hair. I spend about 3/4 of the day horizontal, on average, so that's a lot of friction damage averted there! Again something small you could do (mine were really cheap off eBay, but even draping a satin scarf over your pillow would do) that will be beneficial for your hair and be something positive you can commend yourself for :)

[milosmomma]

I'm sorry you have to deal with this ugly depression, but I also want you to know you're not alone. I have been riding the up and down rollercoaster since about 12-14 years old. When haircare gets too much for me I usually will leave it alone in a bun(I think braids are good too) for a few days before forcing myself to give it a wash. I agree that just powering through the hygiene part can lift you up a little, give your self esteem a boost even. The saying "fake it til you make it" comes to me alot when I'm down and struggling. Just do the motions and try what ever task you can. And give yourself a break too, dont feel down about what you haven't accomplished yet and reward yourself for anything that you do complete. Small steps and slow and steady wins the depression race.
I also agree with everyone to not cut while in an emotional state. I have fallen victim to the post break up depression chop, the mourning a loved one chop and the baby blues chop(first baby, luckily I learned my lesson with my younger child). You can always trim later but you cant reattach it if you happen to regret. And if you do come out unhappy about the trim, it will only dampen you mood further. Definitely take the 2 week rule to heart and mull it over.
I hope you are feeling better soon. Even sharing your feelings here with us is a big step I think, and we are all here to support you. Sending you happy hair vibes :)
ETA I think oiling or a serum can help detangle and protect the hair more in between washes too. I usually get less splits when I keep up on oiling. If your scalp seems happy without a wash, then I would suggest focus on detangling and keeping it in a braid as you have been. Adding oil I think will protect the braid from friction and such. Just a thought, I am a just nut for oils though so do with my suggestion what you will :)

[SurprisingWoman]

I am so sorry you are dealing with this. I battle depression alll the time. I have great hair genes but my mental health genes could use a do over.

I have gone for a week with my hair in a bun with spin pins.

I don't know how long it takes you to wash your hair but my shower is 5 minutes if I don't shampoo and 15 minutes if I do. I just remind myself that it's only 10 minutes and it will be over. Sometimes I get out of the shower, bun my hair again and keep it in the bun so long it's still wet days later, but it's clean.

I hope you find what works for you. Please do keep us posted on how you are doing.

[Dark40]

My life has thrown me a couple curveballs, and I'm noticing I'm not taking a lot of care of my hair right now (I'm past tailbone possibly heading towards classic). I keep forgetting to brush it, so it languishes in a braid for a day or three, and then I have to do my best to carefully detangle it instead of just ripping through. I haven't washed it in well, ages, I don't know how long. I don't even have shampoo or conditioner at my new apartment.

What do you do when taking care of yourself/your hair is overwhelming? Should I cut back to waist to make things easier? Try to force myself to shampoo and condition? Just leave it be?

Thanks!

Yeah, I experience depression some days to the point where I don't feel like washing my hair but I always make up my mind that it needs to be done. Especially, if I don't want to experience any hair loss. Because, I've noticed when I don't even wash my hair for a week I go through a lot of shedding. So, washing and conditioning it does help you feel better, and you know that it is also smelling good as well. That is awesome that you are pass tailbone and on your way to classic! I definitely wouldn't cut it. You will feel worse afterwards. I'm trying to get my hair to grow where yours is right now too.

[akurah]

Hair tangles significantly less in a bun than a braid in my experience. If you are able to wear it up comfortably in a bun secured by either a claw clip, stick, or fork, detangling will be less of a chore.

Keeping it detangled is typically more important than keeping it washed unless you have skin issues, so don't let yourself stress because "it's been 10+ days since it was last washed". (or more. I have gone long times not washing my hair because my depression was too much, so despite my advice being plain, it's from experience)

[Jo Ann]

I hit such a low that I didn't wash my hair (or much of anything else, for that matter :tmi: ) for three weeks. Finally, I couldn't stand it any longer, pulled out my hair brush, made it through the mats, and did the full baptism--shower from head to toe!

I felt better after that and, even though it was hard to do, used that shower as a jumping-off point to start pulling myself together gradually. I found that, just by taking an interest in something, I was able to start pulling myself together and start functioning again. Baby steps, Zwaluw, baby steps! And don't do anything drastic with your hair until you are feeling better mentally! As has been pointed out above, anything beyond taking basic care of yourself (including your hair) can cause a setback--and that is the LAST thing you need at this time!

Best of luck to you!

[lapushka]

Zwaluw, how are you doing right now? :flower:

[Zwaluw]

<3

I feel really bad for not responding, but after I posted my depression got even worse...

Thankfully Im doing a little better! My executive function is coming back, and Im managing to detangle my hair daily! Unless Im wearing a crownbraid, then I just detangle and put it back up, taking it down when it becomes too wild :)

Showering is still a problem, and by extension washing my hair is too. Im wondering if it would help to sit in the shower, so it takes less energy. (I'm autistic and overstimulation is a thing, and apparently showers are one of the things that is just too much input and sensations for me to handle...)

[MusicalSpoons]

Sorry to hear you got a bit worse but I'm glad you're functioning better now :) that's geat progress!

I sit in the shower due to physical fatigue but if it takes some kind of cognitive load off (like not needing to stay upright and balanced) it could help. What is your showerhead like? Are you able to change the flow pattern to make it more tolerable, either more pressure or less - whichever would be better for you?

Our current showerhead doesn't have that ability and when I'm extra fatigued the water hurts and tbh does put me off if I'm on the cusp of not feeling well enough, whereas with our previous one it was adjustable with enough settings to find one that suited. (Conversely, before I was ill, anything with not enough pressure drove me bonkers and made me feel really anxious.)

Shower seats/stools should be easy enough to find and ought not be too expensive either :)

[Hasse]

(I'm autistic and overstimulation is a thing, and apparently showers are one of the things that is just too much input and sensations for me to handle...)
I feel you on the overstimulation. I have neurological issues that sometimes lead to me being overstimulated. When I take showers in such a state, I leave the light off and put earplugs in. That way, showering is somewhat less overwhelming. HTH.

[Zwaluw]

I put a plastic folding chair in the shower and will be giving it a go tonight, I just need to figure out what I want to do to my hair!

I feel like I should do a SMT but I don't have the ingredients... Better something than nothing I guess?

[MusicalSpoons]

I put a plastic folding chair in the shower and will be giving it a go tonight, I just need to figure out what I want to do to my hair!

I feel like I should do a SMT but I don't have the ingredients... Better something than nothing I guess?

Indeed! Do you know if your hair does well with a deep conditioning? When I do that I just put plenty of conditioner onto damp hair and leave it for however long (usually an hour or more for me, but if it's on longer than you'd normally have conditioner on it still counts ;)), and it's easy to rinse out afterwards. I know some people cover it, use heat, etc., but you don't need to if you don't feel like it - either way, it might help you feel like you've done something good for your hair even though it might just be something simple! :)

[Zwaluw]

Success! Victory!

Having a chair made a huge difference! I didn't have to feel my hair all over my back and it wasn't so tiring! I actually managed to sugar scrub my scalp and sorta deep conditioned my hairs! There's definitely more moisture in them now, though they might like more, at least its better than before :)

[lapushka]

Success! Victory!

Having a chair made a huge difference! I didn't have to feel my hair all over my back and it wasn't so tiring! I actually managed to sugar scrub my scalp and sorta deep conditioned my hairs! There's definitely more moisture in them now, though they might like more, at least its better than before :)

That's great to hear. Good on you, you go girl! :D
Awesome!

[spidermom]

I think powering through is good advice. Showers generate ions that improve the mood, so take advantage of that. I've always found combing and brushing out my hair to be soothing, so try to think of it as something pleasurable to do for yourself rather than another chore you don't have the energy for. Best of luck getting to the other side of your depression.

[embee]

I agree with the idea of "doing something for myself" instead of "doing a chore".

Good for you getting this part done May you continue to find energy and strength. :)