Embrace your long hair when everybody tells you to cut it :(

[valkyrie90]

Hello ! It's so good to be back here . It's so long, though so you guys might forget about me.

About a year ago I posted a thread about being pregnant and long hair with disability ( I have CP ) Well my baby boy is nearly 4 month old now and I'm glad to say I push through. It was crazy when my baby was just born but now that I get used to all the baby stuff I start going back to my hair care routine with a bit of change. It feels so good to be able to care for your hair and embrace it. I feel more like myself . People don't seem to understand that, though. They keep asking me to cut my hair back to a pixie or some style so short that I don't have to tie it up and require minimum care , so they say. " Why do you keep your hair soooo long and only keep it in a silly bun ? So what's the point of having long hair if you can't wear it down? They make me feel like something is terribly wrong with me. Yeah I have CP but I can still take care of my hair. I don't need their help so why they care so much about my hair? My mom is pressuring me to cut back to APL . I'm on TBL now. I will do no more than a 3cm trim to get rid of those nasty split ends and that's about it. I'm just too tired of people giving me nasty look when they see I put my hair up or fix my bun. I don't get why people make such a scene about my hair. Sorry for a ranting post, guys. I just want to let it out .

[milosmomma]

Congratulations on your new baby! I'm pretty new still but I think I do vaguely remember your thread from my lurking days. I am glad you stick to your preference of long hair and didnt cave to other people wishes. I find a good answer that usually stops all the "why is your hair always up? I dont even know how long your hair is, what's the point? " is to say "I grow my hair for myself, not so show off to you or anyone" it's just stern enough to stop the questions but also polite enough not to hurt anyone feelings :)
I wouldn't cut back to apll, it will limit you bun options severely from tbl. And with just having a baby it could really mess with your feelings(I had some post partum depression and it's a fairly common issue with new mommies) Just do you and do what makes you happy.

[Deborah]

I'm sorry that you are being pressured by others about wearing your hair long and in a bun. Tell them:

It's MY HAIR.

I LIKE it long.

I LIKE it up in a bun.

I DON'T want to talk about it any more.

If they pressure you any more, just repeat:

I DON'T want to talk about it any more.

p.s. I do remember you. Welcome back!

[Begemot]

I don't get why people make such a scene about my hair. Sorry for a ranting post, guys. I just want to let it out .

I do not get it either. Pressuring and pestering you like that is so annoying! Don't let anyone bully you. Like Deborah said: put a stern look on your face and tell them you won't talk about your hair anymore. It's your hair and you get to do what you want with it. TLHC has your back :)

Congratulations on the little one and welcome back :blossom:

[RavennaNight]

Hi and congrats on the baby! I remember over 10 years ago, when I started growing out my inverted bob, I had coworkers pester me constantly about my hair and how it looked great short and I should cut it, etc. I just ignored them. Ignore them, they don’t live with your hair on their head, you do. Unsolicited advice is obnoxious and should mostly always just be ignored.

[lapushka]

It's good to let it out, isn't it? By all means, keep venting. It is such a relief to be able to talk with like-minded people on the subject of hair, at least! Right? :)

Congratulations on your baby boy.

What is CP? I am not going to go Google and just "guess" because I might be wrong about what I search.

I have a disability as well (both legs), I have chronic CRPS, complex regional pain syndrome.

[Groovy Granny]

CP = Cerebral Palsy; my Son 37 was a 12 week preemie and has it (just his legs are affected).


Welcome back ~ so good to see you again :waving:

Congrats and blessings on your new baby Boy :applause:

YOU DO YOU....and what makes YOU happy ;)

If you want long hair and can manage it (or have help on days when you can't) then do it :cheer:
:lala: :wigtongue: to the naysayers!

Happy growing.....take good care..... and enjoy that baby because they grow so fast :flowers:

[GrowinIt]

As you as you love your hair, that is all that matters. It makes no sense to cut it to APL because you'd end up bunning it to get it out of the way, same as your current hair. I'd go with the ignore them route. Lets say someone comes up to you and says you really should cut your hair to a pixie, just say nothing, in fact, stare at their forehead (this is supposed to make them feel uncomfortable), then pretend like you didn't hear them, and talk about something else, like the baby.

[JulyFun]

I remember when I had my baby, taking care of my long hair was very theraputic. It was an easy task that made feel like I was still taking care of myself. It was also much easier to just put in a bun on the days I didn't have time then to style a pixie cut. Because unstyled pixie cuts generally look ridiculus ( at least the ones I got).

As for the people telling you to cut it you could ask them:

Why don't they stop X hobby, they aren't ever going to be a professional so why do they continue.

(Not in a mean way, just to make them think about how not every thing has to be done for a productive reason, it can also be just for personal pleasure.)

[Natalia_A00]

Ugh, I understand you. My mother tells me EVERYDAY that my hair is "exaggeratedly" long, ugly and stringy. She shows me photos of myself when I had short hair and makes comments like "look how pretty you were!" It's exhausting. But also it's one of the reasons why I like having long hair. Having one thing that I like about myself that is entirely my decision and my choice, despite other people's point of view. I like what I like and my mother (and other friends') snarky comments won't change my mind. I just tell them that I don't care what they think, I like my hair this way, or I give unsolicited advice to them as well. Like, "oh, yeah? Well, I think you'd look better if you dyed your hair blonde" to annoy them.
The thing is, don't listen to them. As you said, your hair is not their business. They can have their opinion but at the end of the day, it's your hair, not theirs, so have the style you like the most.

[2gaits]

It's good to let it out, isn't it? By all means, keep venting. It is such a relief to be able to talk with like-minded people on the subject of hair, at least! Right? :)

Congratulations on your baby boy.

What is CP? I am not going to go Google and just "guess" because I might be wrong about what I search.

I have a disability as well (both legs), I have chronic CRPS, complex regional pain syndrome.

Hi, I didn't know you have CRPS. My husband does. Both feet/legs and also in his hands. It's horrible. My thoughts will be with you! It is so misunderstood and difficult to treat.

[lapushka]

Hi, I didn't know you have CRPS. My husband does. Both feet/legs and also in his hands. It's horrible. My thoughts will be with you! It is so misunderstood and difficult to treat.

My shoulders to fingertips are also affected, but there it's not disabling (still undergoing treatment). The legs are a total loss.

It is very misunderstood & difficult to treat all right!

Wish him the best from a fellow patient! I will have this, come September, 24 years.

[Cg]

Congratulations on your son and welcome back.

Any time someone proffers unrequested advice is the perfect opportunity to practice selective deafness. While enjoying your hair the way you choose to.

[SwanFeathers]

Don't let them bully you, its your hair and they dont have any say in what you do with it. It's yours and makes you happy, that should be enough, if they dont like it then they are SOL.

[Vacurlylady]

Hi! Congratulations on your beautiful baby boy! As others have said, ignore your naysayers. I’m growing my hair out from a pixie cut, I’m 1 1/2 years into growing length. A little past SL. I’m getting comments, as well, from well meaning family and friends. And it’s taken me 60 years to learn not to try and please everyone. I’ve learned to “be” me and they get to “be” themselves! Such a freeing feeling!

[cm006j]

People and their opinions! Grrr. My mother once said, "Isn't this a tad obsessive?"

Yeah, so what if it is? It makes me happy and it's not hurting you.

[Simsy]

Congrats on your little boy and welcome back.

With regards to the hair; pixies and bobs still need care, and styling, and you can’t just shove it into a bun and ignore for a day or two. Arguably, long hair is less work since putting it up and away is an option that takes 2 secs. So, go you :cheer: and do you. Family can be a challenge; unless they are prepared to deal with your hair full-time, they really don’t get a say.

[cjk]

people are entitled to have, and even express, their opinions.

And by precisely the same rationale, you are entitled to respond to them any way you want.

It's your hair. You are able to take care of it, if you weren't it might be a different story. And, that's all the reason you need.

You don't owe them an explanation. But if you choose to provide one, make it clear that it's your choice.

Period.

[Joules]

First of all, congratulations on becoming a mom! :)

Secondly, I think you (and everyone else who suffers from unsolicited advice getting to them) need to learn to...idk, put their foot down. I'm personally a very peaceful person, but I wouldn't hesitate to be rude or to even start an argument if I want someone to stop bothering me with their opinions. My first response is always something along the lines of "I don't know, I personally like it this way", then I'd ignore it for some time, but if they still continue...God help them :lol: them voicing their opinions gives me carte blanche to say anything I want, and I will. Even the most obnoxious relatives keep their mouths shut around me. This advice works for marriage and kids too, so if anyone here is childless by choice, feel free to use it :lol:

Of course I'm not suggesting fighting at work. My go-to response for my co-workers is "I think a bun is more appropriate for an office than loose hair". I've been asked about it maybe once in my entire working year and a half (lol), maybe I'm just lucky to be surrounded by nice people at work.

[ReptilianFeline]

My mother had long hair when I was a kid, and I have two younger siblings as well, and she always wore it in a bun, a very nice big bun with just those tiny hair pins, no sticks or anything. Her hair is straight and thick. She now wear it short, but that's her choise, she can afford the hair dresser every 6 weeks if she wants to.
My hair is long now as well, but not like my mother's. Mine isn't straight and I have still the after effects of mayor shedding and the stupid hair clip I used to wear over 5 years ago. It takes time to grow loooong and mine is below but crack as its longest.

I don't have kids, but congrats on yours!

I wear my hair in a bun most of the time, because it's easy, convenient and practical. If I don't want to detangle, I just make it a messy bun and that's OK too. I remember having bangs that had to be cut back all the time when they got into the eyes, and I remember strands of hair that was hanging down into stuff (artist paints for instance) when it wasn't long enough to get into the pony tail.

A bun is the most practical when it comes to hair styles.

"Why do you keep it in a bun all the time?" - Answer: "I like it like that!"
After a while they should get it, and if not, just tell them it is none of their business. Do you tell them how they should keep their hair? If not, then just say so, but nicely of course.

Keep up the good work and rais your kid to accept that people have a choice as to what they look like and all is OK.

[spidergoat]

Definitely do what you feel is right for you and your hair. It's really no one else's business! Also, congratulations on your baby boy. As milosmomma pointed out, post partum depression is a real thing. I had it, and something that helped me to remember that I was also a "me" as well as a mom was doing things to take care of myself. If that's your hair, then keep it and enjoy it :)

As for people and their opinions, it's true that they can have them and express them, but there's a time and a place, and I don't think harassing a new mother about her hair is appropriate. Good advice in this thread about how to deal with it, because I'd most likely just snap and really give them a piece of my mind.

[EdG]

It feels so good to be able to care for your hair and embrace it. I feel more like myself . People don't seem to understand that, though. They keep asking me to cut my hair back to a pixie or some style so short that I don't have to tie it up and require minimum care , so they say. " Why do you keep your hair soooo long and only keep it in a silly bun ? So what's the point of having long hair if you can't wear it down? They make me feel like something is terribly wrong with me. There is nothing wrong with you. The rest of the world is goofed up.

The LHC world is much better than the real world. :)
Ed

[*Wednesday*]

Congrats on your new baby. I think when you become a mom it's the notorious short hair and get van attitude.

I've had my boss at work advise me to donate my hair. She's a survivor of leukemia and lost her hair 10 year ago. Due to the chemo, her hair is still pixie and very sparse. I believe it was her position that people in "excess" of hair can give or should give it. I told her kindly, that my hair is being grown for familial reasons. No one is entitled to it. Coming into my personal territory suggesting I need to remove something from "myself" is over stepping boundaries. Obviously cancer is a sensitive matter and trying not to be insensitive explained that to her. BTW, I am an organ donor upon my death. I'm not selfish.

I personally do not care how others wear their hair. Let them know you are a grown woman and ask them to refrain from giving advice you didn't ask for.

[Jo Ann]

Congratulations, Valkyrie, on your new baby! I wish you all the best!

When I was pregnant with my Oldest Dear Son, my Mom and Nana told me I should get my hair cut (that pixie/shag you wore looked SO good on you!), and I told them I didn't see any reason to cut my hair as a Badge of Motherhood (my exact words, too!). I never heard anything from them again about the subject :cheer:

Besides, long hair is easier to take care of when you have small children--less primping, less products used, easier to look good when you go out and less time overall to take care of (and time is at a premium when you have little ones around :bigeyes: )

Don't forget to get your rest--I usually took a nap when the little one(s) did :sleep:

[Dark40]

Hello ! It's so good to be back here . It's so long, though so you guys might forget about me.

About a year ago I posted a thread about being pregnant and long hair with disability ( I have CP ) Well my baby boy is nearly 4 month old now and I'm glad to say I push through. It was crazy when my baby was just born but now that I get used to all the baby stuff I start going back to my hair care routine with a bit of change. It feels so good to be able to care for your hair and embrace it. I feel more like myself . People don't seem to understand that, though. They keep asking me to cut my hair back to a pixie or some style so short that I don't have to tie it up and require minimum care , so they say. " Why do you keep your hair soooo long and only keep it in a silly bun ? So what's the point of having long hair if you can't wear it down? They make me feel like something is terribly wrong with me. Yeah I have CP but I can still take care of my hair. I don't need their help so why they care so much about my hair? My mom is pressuring me to cut back to APL . I'm on TBL now. I will do no more than a 3cm trim to get rid of those nasty split ends and that's about it. I'm just too tired of people giving me nasty look when they see I put my hair up or fix my bun. I don't get why people make such a scene about my hair. Sorry for a ranting post, guys. I just want to let it out .

Congratulations on new baby! When someone gives me those nasty looks with me having long hair. I just give them a dirty look back, and if someone tells me that I should cut my hair I will tell them, "No." I don't understand why they always want to keep up with the latest trends of having short hair. Short hair doesn't look good on me or with my face. So, long hair is best for my face. So, what I do just ignore those kind of people that tell me I should cut it. Also, congratulations on reaching tailbone length as well! :) I totally agree with you on whenever you get those nasty split ends just trim off a cm and that's it. That's what I do too.

[zmirina]

my family says that my hair looks amazing and much better than before, no matter what happens.
most of it is shaved after being waistlong? - amazing! much better than before!
dye it blonde? - amazing! much better than before!
i grew it into a bob? - amazing! much better than before!
it's reaching my waist again? - amazing! much better than before!
dye it black? - amazing! much better than before!
wash out the dye and get highlights? - amazing! much better than before!
wear it in braids? - amazing! much better than before!
wear it down? - amazing! much better than before!
wear it in a bun? - amazing! much better than before!

this is the reason why i have trust issues :lol: :cool:

[lapushka]

my family says that my hair looks amazing and much better than before, no matter what happens.
most of it is shaved after being waistlong? - amazing! much better than before!
dye it blonde? - amazing! much better than before!
i grew it into a bob? - amazing! much better than before!
it's reaching my waist again? - amazing! much better than before!
dye it black? - amazing! much better than before!
wash out the dye and get highlights? - amazing! much better than before!
wear it in braids? - amazing! much better than before!
wear it down? - amazing! much better than before!
wear it in a bun? - amazing! much better than before!

this is the reason why i have trust issues :lol: :cool:

Ahahaha, isn't that just typical? ;)

Your family clearly loves you! ;)

[Ylva]

my family says that my hair looks amazing and much better than before, no matter what happens.
most of it is shaved after being waistlong? - amazing! much better than before!
dye it blonde? - amazing! much better than before!
i grew it into a bob? - amazing! much better than before!
it's reaching my waist again? - amazing! much better than before!
dye it black? - amazing! much better than before!
wash out the dye and get highlights? - amazing! much better than before!
wear it in braids? - amazing! much better than before!
wear it down? - amazing! much better than before!
wear it in a bun? - amazing! much better than before!

this is the reason why i have trust issues :lol: :cool:

:rollin:

I love it!

[zmirina]

:rollin:

I love it!


Ahahaha, isn't that just typical? ;)

Your family clearly loves you! ;)

yeah, i wish everyone had it. ESPECIALLY, if that someone is a new mom

[Corvana]

Welcome back! Do your best to just ignore them, it's your hair do what you want with it!

[valkyrie90]

Thanks you guys for all the supports and advice. It means a lot to me , really. I guess there must be something to do with culture because here people think they have to have an idea about whatever you should do with your life , from how you wear your hair to what you feed your baby . They call it caring . Or it's because I have CP { cerebral palsy ) that makes people somehow assume that I'm incapable of deciding what's good for me and what's not . I don't know . " You cut that hair short you don't have to spend much time washing it " You have a baby now you don't have time for all that hair thing ". That's what my midwife said to me after my appointments . Then Oh you still haven't cut your hair ? Make it as a sacrifice for your baby . I didn't respond to that . i just play deaf all the time now when it comes to my hair that people talk about. They don't like diversity . They don't like when someone is different from the majority. There's nothing I can do about that .

[Begemot]

It's a good tactic to play deaf when someone tries to talk about your hair :thumbsup: Just ignore them and do what you want.

[MusicalSpoons]

Congratulations on your baby, and for not giving in to all the pressure! I keep not having the energy to write this but I'll try:

Long hair with a disability is just like anything else with a disability!
Can you care for it yourself (easily or with difficulty, whatever)? Then it's nobody else's business.
If not, do you have a paid carer to help you with it? Then it's still nobody else's business - it's the carer's job to help you live your life, to be blunt.
The only time it becomes someone else's business is if you have unpaid help to live your life and need their help with that specific aspect (in this case caring for hair) then yes it should be discussed - but if someone is willingly helping you to live *your* life, they also need to be reasonable because part of your life is how you choose to have your hair. It's more a case of what you need doing to your hair to look after it than the actual length - most of the longest-haired members here actually have a very simple routine! :shrug: (Family members who receive an allowance because they care for you are a very grey area - they're certainly not a fully-paid carer but they also are recognised as fulfilling that kind of role in addition to being a family member. Reasonableness and sensitivity is required on both sides.)

Sorry, I had to get that off my chest. I don't know how I would feel if my disability worsened to the point of needing help with my hair, simply because I'm not used to needing personal help at the moment, but I know my Mum - who is my primary carer - would not just tell me to cut my hair; we would discuss the practicalities and find a mutually acceptable compromise. From what you've written it sounds like you don't need help with your hair, and that all the nasty comments you're getting are from people who have no right to be telling what to do with it anyway. (A sacrifice to the baby?! Your baby won't care!! And short hair will get in your way because you can't put it up and will be something for them to grab. Not to mention the hairdresser appointments you'll need to keep it short. What a stupid thing to keep saying :rolleyes:)

There seems to be something about being a new parent that makes people think you're incapable of researching what you ned to know and making good decisions. There's something about disability that makes people assume you're incapable of living or making decisions for yourself (presume competence, people!!) and you are both - a new parent and disabled so people probably somehow feel entitled to try to impose their 'helpful advice' even though you don't need it. Well, keep ignoring all the nasty comments (I can only imagine it's really hard, but you've done well so far) and enjoy your hair and, most importantly, your baby :flowers: :blossom:

[demonamay]

Congrats on the baby. Don't worry what other people say they often suffer from the green eyed monster hair envy. Keep your hair!

[shaluwm_agape]

CP to most people who know you or see you wont understand. I have it as well (just my legs, I am able to walk)and its just about them putting themselves in your shoes they probably have already predisposed opinions on the topic and then seeing you and you dealing with your CP they probably would think it was too much for them so they were just projecting their insecurities onto you.

I say ignore them if it gets to be too much just say that it's your decision not theirs if you can handle it that's all that matters.
I had my mother once told me that I had to chop off my hair because I was too old that one takes the Cake so that is one I'll never forget. The sad thing is I'm only 30