Don't like how I look with my hair up

[Gaalsong]

Hi everybody,
I have not been on here in a while. I have been busy with family life, etc. Anyway, my hair is now about hip length. I keep it up all the time unless going on a date with my husband. My original goal was to see how long it would get, what my terminal was, then probably maintain it around classic length. My problem is that I don't like how I look with my hair up. I have a kind of intense face, not very soft, and having my hair up just makes it worse. On top of that, I usually wear skirts instead of pants so I feel like I'm in period costume or something. I try to do different updos, leave wispies out, wear dangly earrings or headbands, but the truth is I just look better with my hair down. I also have kids, so having hip length hair down is not very practical. I am seriously thinking about cutting to waist length and trying to leave it down most of the time. Anybody else struggling with this? Does anybody leave their hair down all the time? Suggestions?

[Aerya]

I totally feel you on the skirts + bun combo, lol. I feel like I either look really religious or like I'm larping. I don't like how I look with my hair pulled straight back either, but I find doing braid accents (I like lace braids around your hair on each side of the part, I find that softens my square/round face too!) helps with that.

Getting some layers to have loose might help too. You could do wispy or more chunky if you want the "hair down" look. Length is up to you, I know most people recommend shorter ones, chin length and up, but I like the look of longer ones too. I'll sometimes just leave the front pieces of my hair down and even though they're collarbone length and long enough to pull back, I don't think it looks out of place as long as the rest of the hair isn't super sleek.

That being said, if you want to cut back to waist and just wear it down, do it! At the end of the day what matters is that you're happy with your hair. I would take some time to mull it over though, and perhaps try with some layers first - I know for me I often want to wear my hair down but when I do, it quickly gets too annoying. And my hair is just APL! :)

[Deborah]

I just looked at your wedding practice hairstyle photos. Your face looks very soft and pretty to me. I think that you probably look much better in an updo than you think.

Of course, you can wear your hair down whenever you want as well. Waist length is nice for wearing it up or down comfortably, more so than tailbone. Do what makes you happy! :flower:

[lapushka]

I try to do different updos, leave wispies out, wear dangly earrings or headbands, but the truth is I just look better with my hair down. I also have kids, so having hip length hair down is not very practical. I am seriously thinking about cutting to waist length and trying to leave it down most of the time. Anybody else struggling with this? Does anybody leave their hair down all the time? Suggestions?

Maybe cut back one milestone, and see if you like that length better. That would put you at waist. Maybe your current situation (with kids) won't allow you to wear your hair too long, and it then just is what it is. Your life is more important than the length of your hair, IMMHO.

But I felt like that when I started to wear my hair up. If you do it more, you sort of get used to it - I did. Maybe it's more a getting used to period you need?

But if you are really determined, I'd cut back to waist, yes.

[GrowlingCupcake]

I've been wearing my hair up pretty constantly since about APL. I still dislike how I look with my hair up. I haven't really found anything that works, either.

Hip to waist is not such a big difference for most people, so I would cut back if you are not feeling it at the moment; you can always grow it out again.

[milosmomma]

I think you should do what makes you happy. That said I also think you should try more things before doing a big chop. What about half ups? You'll have the look of wearing it down but it wont be in your face as much. What about a fringe of some sort? I agree with aerya that longer layers or face framers can look just as nice as the more often seen sideswept or straight across eyebrow length fringe. Also agree with the accent braids, I'm not very good at them yet but I really like the look of it. I have some pretty thin see through patches at my temples and try to hide them but dont want to commit to a fringe. For me personally I find that not pulling the top of my hair straight back is more aesthetic. I will keep my part and kind of have my hair go down before back in a sweeping motion if that makes sense. Hope you find something that works, keep us posted :)

[Groovy Granny]

I find WL is worn down more easily: I have also done it at Hip and TBL.
Because it is wispy like cobwebs it must be in a half up or ponytail lol,but I enjoy that too.
I get headaches a lot and my scalp is sensitive so I do lower buns @ my nape; it is bunned mostly in hot weather.

You seen to have some texture so tendrils would be nice and maybe wispy bangs.

I brush my hair back and have no bangs so it can be harsh, so I do tendrils when I can and try to keep my hair a bit poofy on the top and softer at the sides.

My hair feels great down but must be contained because of the wispiness, and there are days when even a half up won't do because of wind etc; many days I do ponytail with various ties, barrettes, and scrunchies.

And I eventually got to be less judgemental when I saw my reflection; I prefer my hair brushed back and don't like it flying around my face.
Many times it is just the voice in my head shouting what I THINK others are judging about my hair .....so :wigtongue: :lala:

Whatever brings YOU joy i styling your hair ....do it.... don't overthink it when it is up or down.

[Ligeia Noire]

Ah ah that's all I wear, skirts and dresses and my hair in buns... but to me looking like from bygone eras is a compliment. I actually prefer myself with hair up than down, by a mile but i can understand most people don't. I second accent braids or if you are set on it, just do what pleases you best. Cut back and wear it down. I still wore my hair up all the time even at waist but some people can pull it off even at tbl so...

[-Fern]

My hair is so thick that it drives me nuts if I'm working on anything with it down, so I'd wear it up just for sheer convenience no matter how it looks on me... That being said, there are definitely things you can do to soften the look, like a pouf or twist in the front/on the sides, or a framing braid/twist.

But if having your hair down doesn't inconvenience you, wear it down! :o

[dove4]

I don't expect to look good all the time, so it doesn't bother me too much if I don't. I see it as a practical thing.

My rain coat looks frumpy, but it's better than getting wet. I could buy a glamorous rain coat, but is it worth the time and money? To me, it's not.

I see my buns as practical, like a rain coat. They may not look great, but they are useful.

Also, it's not so much as looking bad, as looking different. I think some people only feel like one certain look looks good on them. I think variety is nice! If you have your favorite look every day, and it's the same look, won't it get monotonous?

[KlutzyChy1]

I don't like how I look with my hair up either! Now that my hair is getting longer and the weather's getting warmer, I've been wearing it in a loose ponytail or bun around the house, but I won't go out like that. I can't tuck my hair behind my ears, because they're freaking huge. My aunt used to make fun of them ALL the time when I was younger & I've been self conscious ever since.
For what it's worth, I think you looked lovely in your wedding practice photos, as Deborah said. I don't feel like my face is feminine or pretty enough either, hence the bangs and always wearing it down. Anything to cover it up haha.
I think you should do what makes you happy. There's no point in growing your hair super long or always wearing it up if you don't feel comfortable in your own skin with it. You should enjoy your hair, it shouldn't feel like a chore. I know I'll never have perfectly healthy hair because I prefer it dyed black and don't feel like myself with my natural color. Do whatever makes you feel the most beautiful or the most comfortable and try not to worry what other people think. Easier said than done, I know.
You could also try half updos, so you'll still have some hair down to frame your face or whatever you like. Or maybe different braided hairstyles so it won't be completely up.

[Corvana]

How loosely do you do your buns? I can't do them too tightly/neatly, because I think I look terrible with them like that. But if I only finger comb my hair back, and then gently gently tug my scalp hair so it's more poofy and not sleek? I think I look lovely. I also find that I can wear my buns way longer when I put them up like that compared to brushing or combing it back with a tool. I think the fingercombing evokes a sort of "messy bun" look, without it being your run of the mill messy bun.

I'm also thinking I may cut in some face framers one day, split down the middle so that when I part my hair to the side like I prefer they'll sort of waterfall and look softer and shorter! But that way I can have them long enough to put up easily while still giving me the effect I want.

Anyway, if you want to cut back to waist, go for it! It's your hair, and your face, and your opinion that matters!

[LongCurlyTress]

Your wedding hair photos are really pretty! I like how there is some texture in the crown of your hair so it is not slicked back. This also makes buns more comfortable for me and I like how I look a lot more with a bit of poofiness in my crown area, with maybe some side tendrils... a lot of people cut in bangs to soften their bun look, as well as feel a bit more updated, but my bangs are unruly and get in my way since my hair is curly. Yours looks to have a lot of waviness to it also, so wind, car rides with windows down, etc all drive my hair super flyaway and then tangles easily so I have learned the hard way to just finger brush my hair back into a nape or mid back of head bun. I am now using claw clips or a hair fork to secure the bun so it stays put. Also, do you ever try a French peacock twist with finger combing the crown area to give it some poof? That also gives me a different look to deal with my apl length and get my hair up. Good luck! I would hold off on any cutting since it takes so long to grow back. Just my opinion, so do whatever makes you happy. :magic:

[TreesOfEternity]

I’m currently at WL and it’s not comfortable to wear down either. I think APL is the longest my hair was when I wore it down all the time.
Have you been wearing it up for a long time? It took me quite some time to get used to it. I have bangs and that helps because I don’t really like the shape of my forehead. Also as I don’t have my hair to “decorate” my face I tend to use more accessories or a soft makeup look to balance it out a little bit.

[embee]

Sounds like you've worn your hair up a lot for quite a while, and you do not like it. I did not like any updo style when I first started but I got used to it and now prefer it. But that's not *you*. I'd say, cut back a bit, wear half-ups and see how they do. You may find a nice solution there. :)

[blvnkness]

I feel the same way whenever I need to have my hair up and out of the way. I think up-dos look alright on me looking from the side and back, but looking at me front on is just a nightmare.

What I've been figuring out lately is that curling my hair without heat (either using sleep-in rollers or a twisted bun) at night makes it shorter, appearance-wise. Depending on how tight you curl your ends/lengths, you can easily go back one or two length milestones while leaving your hair down. I play around with combing it out and shaping it into waves (that still keep my hair looking slightly shorter) or just leaving them in lightly tousled ringlets. It's not for everyone, but it's helped me keep my hair length manageable while letting it down!

[Gaalsong]

Thanks so much, everybody. I don't have time tonight to respond to each of you individually but I feel better than I did this morning. Basically my husband took a picture of me after breakfast and when I saw it I felt really insecure.
I may try some of the layer suggestions, and the texture/wavy idea. I don't do much to my hair besides make a bun, so maybe I need to primp it a bit more around my face.
Thanks for the response and the ideas and the support. <3

[MotherofJames]

Definitely do what makes you happy. :-) I have a bad lump on the back of my neck, a dowagers hump. It makes me hate wearing my hair up. I have to make sure I have a shirt that covers it, like a turtleneck or a tailored shirt to cover it, when I wear my hair up. I don’t like the way I look when I have my hair up either :-( I feel like everyone else looks cute with their protective styles except me :(. So I totally understand. But at the end of the day, you need to do what makes you happy and feel secure. If that means a little chop, then so be it :)

[Joules]

I've said it before and I'll say it again: it's a matter of habit. It takes quite a lot to get used to wearing your hair up after you've been wearing it down for years.

I'll share my story. I have a big forehead and a round face. I used to wear my hair down in middle school, it was super uncomfortable, but whenever I put my hair into a ponytail I felt like everyone around me was staring at my ginormous forehead (spoiler alert: no one cared). So I cut in bangs to hide it at the age if 15. With bangs I felt comfortable pulling the rest of my hair back. To cut a long story short, it took me another 6 years to gather some courage and grow my bangs out. Now I can't not have my hair up. I don't feel put together if all my hair is hanging loose.

And yes,I love dresses. Does it make me look different from everyone else? Yes. Is it bad though? What's wrong with doing things your way without looking at everyone around you? If I look like I'm a period costume, it's fine. If I don't, it's fine. It's all fine, I have more important things to worry about.

As for length: I don't think waist and hip lengths are gonna be much different. I mean, there's just a few inches between those milestones. If you wanna cut this much then go ahead, but I just don't think it would make a difference. Waist length hair is long, it gets everywhere just as much as hip length, and it's just as easy to grab for little kids as hip length.

[lithostoic]

Neither do I but I've gotten used to seeing myself that way.

[Servana]

If you're not happy with it up then don't wear it up! There's no rule saying you have to. After all, what's the point in growing all of this hair if you can't enjoy it. Personally I look absolutely awful with my hair up. That and my hair is extremely thick and heavy yet also very smooth, so it always falls out or gives me headaches if it stays up.

I've spent most of my life around waist length and I've always worn it down. I've never had problems getting it caught in anything because I've spent my life in school and now working in an office. If your job is physical or you exercise then of course you should find a way to contain your hair but other than that I don't see why it would be too much of a problem. When my hair got to hip length I had to start watching it when I closed the car door but other than that it was mostly the same as waist.

I don't have kids so I'm not sure how much that affects your decision to have hair up or down but I think if you must have it up then why not a low side braid? Or a low pony? Those aren't ideal but they're not as bad as a high bun for example, if you're insecure about your face with your hair up.

[spitfire511]

Hay gaalsong I don't have your length - but am brushing waist and have this problem as well. If I don't work hard to get some 'softness' into it, I can look pretty harsh with it up - especially if the bun gets tight.

So I wear it down a lot (which I know is easier at this length than yours) and I wear half ups a good deal. Glad that the photo helped you feel better about things and hopefully even discussing it gave you some great ideas to refresh what you're doing with it and make it more fun!

[LadyCelestina]

I have been planning on writing an article about wearing your hair up and not hating it for so long :lol:

Here's a TLDR, most of which has been mentioned by other members

x Feeling unhappy with your hair is a thing, but very often, it's just general not feeling happy about your appearancem - that you take out on hair.

x Some people see buns as merely a practical way to wear their hair. For other people, this just results in frustration. I have started putting as much effort in my buns as I would, were I wearing my hair down. I NEVER bun to hide ugly hair. Wearing a bun because my hair is tangled or oily and I cannot wear it down just kills any motivation to bun my hair.

x Experiment with different bun placements & don't be afraid to try out non-LHC buns! I like hairsticks on others, but I'm very picky about mine. So I use a clawclip which I hide with my hair (peacock twist and then spread the hair over the clip and around). I love how it looks.

x Figure out what is flattering for you, and go from there. Have a hairstyle that makes you look good? What is it about it that causes that? Volume? Try playing around with how you comb your hair. I like to slick back the edges and poof up the top - the key is slicking them a bit upwards, it "lifts" your face a bit. Side part is also flattering for most people

I hated updos when I had the "you get used to it" mentality. For me, the updo simply HAS to make me feel great about my appearance, and to get to that point, I had to put in some thought and effort.

[AmaryllisRed]

Yeah updos don't flatter my face, either, although I've been told I have a nice neck? But I'm sure I look harsh when I wear buns. And I definitely know what you mean about the skirts. I feel like I'm performing or something.
I think bangs or face-framing layers or accent braids would be the way to go.
I don't know how old your kids are or anything but I have found in mom life it's basically impossible to wear hair down at any length.
I'm really just coming to terms with the idea of looking different and not caring what people think.

[spitfire511]

Yeah updos don't flatter my face, either, although I've been told I have a nice neck? But I'm sure I look harsh when I wear buns. And I definitely know what you mean about the skirts. I feel like I'm performing or something.
I think bangs or face-framing layers or accent braids would be the way to go.
I don't know how old your kids are or anything but I have found in mom life it's basically impossible to wear hair down at any length.
I'm really just coming to terms with the idea of looking different and not caring what people think.

Hey amaryllisred how old are your kiddos? What's crazy to me is that I didn't join LHC until after my first was born - and it was this fact - that there was no point in trying to wear it down/love it etc while chasing toddlers that let me really grow longer than I ever had (I was a SERIAL cutter before!)

Now that my youngest is 9 (but really since he was about 5-6) I've been able to spend the time and energy again to do more with it.

So maybe having kids is a friend to benign neglect for some of us anyway? :lol:

[AmaryllisRed]

Hey amaryllisred how old are your kiddos? What's crazy to me is that I didn't join LHC until after my first was born - and it was this fact - that there was no point in trying to wear it down/love it etc while chasing toddlers that let me really grow longer than I ever had (I was a SERIAL cutter before!)

Now that my youngest is 9 (but really since he was about 5-6) I've been able to spend the time and energy again to do more with it.

So maybe having kids is a friend to benign neglect for some of us anyway? :lol:

They're 3, 5, 7, and 11. I definitely think having kids can encourage benign neglect!
ETA: It helps me grow long, too. Getting a haircut is such an ordeal that it's easier just not to. :)

[spitfire511]

They're 3, 5, 7, and 11. I definitely think having kids can encourage benign neglect!
ETA: It helps me grow long, too. Getting a haircut is such an ordeal that it's easier just not to. :)

This is at the God's-honest truth. When DS was around 5 I went for a haircut and had to take both of them (single mom for the win) and he shut his hand in the door of the salon! NOT worth it!

[dagny]

I can definitely relate to this post. I have a square jaw, very short forehead (pear shaped face!) and not much softness to my face. I have been told in the past that i don't look good with my hair pulled back, and I completely agree. Slicked back hair or tight buns/pony tails look terrible.

To offset these issues I do the following:

1. twist the front parts/sides of my hair before I put it in a bun to create softness and fullness
2. braid the front parts of my hair before I put it in a bun
3. I like a high, poofy bun almost at the top of my head (prefer a sock bun so my hair will also curl)
4. wear it down in a half-up
5. wear it down in a braid
6. part my hair before I put it into a bun and sometimes use those tortoiseshell combs on either side to create some volume
7. pull out face framing strands -- as much as I am wanting
8. wear pretty earrings (not around the toddlers, though!)

When my boys were toddlers, it was easy to grow out the hair due to benign-neglect (as previous posters have mentioned). I often wore it down in a braid (hip length) and one of my sons (about 3 or 4 at the time) would sit on my lap and play with my braid. Well, one day I got the crazy notion to cut off my hair to chin length. When he sat on my lap the following day, his sweet chubby hand reached up to grab my braid and it was gone. :-( That still breaks my heart and I wish I had never cut it (not to mention I looked TERRIBLE with short hair!).

As for skirts/dresses -- I wear them almost exclusively. I find that if the outfit looks "frumpy", it doesn't matter how the hair looks because I will just look frumpy! Wearing more stylish, fun, and modern pieces keep me from looking like I am in a costume. Today, for example, I am wearing a long skirt, long-sleeved T-shirt, and a Rick Owens style asymmetrical Moto vest with my hair up in a top of my crown sock-bun. It resembles something I've seen on the runway models. No frumpy costumes here! And it is sooooooo comfy! Perfect for playing with the kiddos.

[spidermom]

I don't particularly like how I look with my hair up, either. I've grown my hair out as far as classic length but a couple of years ago I cut it to collarbone length with the thought that I'd never have to wear it up at that length. Joke's on me, I discovered that it annoys me greatly when hair is in my face and tickling my neck. Although I enjoyed the shorter hair for 2 years, I discovered that I'm a "hair up and out of the way" kind of person so am growing it again.

[littlestarface]

Oh I hate how I look with my hair up so much but I hate my hair down even more so up it goes loooool. I cannot stand the feeling of hair all over my arms,neck,back uuuggh nooooo. When I wear my hair up tho my face looks so harsh and my forehead so long its not a good look.

[bparnell75]

A severe pull back is not flattering on me either which is why I always make sure I have some fullness around my face.
https://live.staticflickr.com/855/43217217914_f4ddeb092b.jpg (https://flic.kr/p/28QXxdN)20180808_101602 (https://flic.kr/p/28QXxdN) by Elizabeth Parnell (https://www.flickr.com/photos/147465629@N02/), on Flickr
https://live.staticflickr.com/4459/23909963818_f4370f5712.jpg
https://live.staticflickr.com/4285/35161538260_3e85041dea.jpg

[LadyCelestina]

A severe pull back is not flattering on me either which is why I always make sure I have some fullness around my face.


You look stunning :thud:

[ExpectoPatronum]

I don't always like my hair pulled back either, so I'll try and do a "poof" of volume in the front sometimes. Pulling out some loose strands also go a long way in adding some framing around the face.

[Natalia_A00]

I don't feel very comfortable wearing my hair up in public either... I think it's because I'm not used to seeing myself like that. Also it makes me feel that I look too informal, like I just got out of bed, or that it's a hairstyle I'd wear at home.

[SwanFeathers]

I don't feel very comfortable wearing my hair up in public either... I think it's because I'm not used to seeing myself like that. Also it makes me feel that I look too informal, like I just got out of bed, or that it's a hairstyle I'd wear at home.
Wearing it up feels informal? As long as you aren't doing the dreaded messy-bun/couldn't-be-bothered-to-finish-my-ponytail thing, updos are almost always more polished looking than loose hair IMO.

[sugar&nutmeg]

bparnell75 wow, your hair looks so beautiful and soft in these updos.

I...don't suppose (but still hope) you've posted a video (or know of others' videos) showing how to get that softness? I am spatially challenged and can't imagine getting that lovely soft fulness.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I think the take-away of this thread is, a LOT of people don't like how they look with their hair up. That's comforting, anyway. Right?

I try to maintain the mindset that my long hair is a given, not an option. As though I live in another time when, or culture in which women simply have long hair, make the best of what they have (hair and face), and then accept it and let it go.

That's what I do. ymmv because it is, in fact, 2019 (more's the pity).

[Wendyclaire]

I think most every woman looks bad with their hair in buns, especially me. Makes me look like I should be in the old folks home! Not a popular opinion here! Mine is nearing waist length and I wear it down or in a side ponytail. For me, I don’t really buy the mechanical damage reason to wear it all twisted up in some bun all the time, I don’t see that as protective but actually harder on my hair and scalp. I understand why women wear it in buns to get it out of the way, especially today when I shut my hair in the car door. Ouch! Haha!

[BerrySara]

To sugar&nutmeg's point I have to say I am actually surprised to see so many on this thread feeling a similar way about putting their hair up. To me it is comforting because lately I have been really struggling to enjoy wearing my hair up. I personally like half ups but I end up feeling guilty knowing I may be causing mechanical damage. But I just cant seem to like my bun.

I think there are a lot of tips and tricks on this thread to make the look softer or get more volume and I hope you try them out OP as I definitely will.

[blackgothicdoll]

I have the same thing, I need hair to soften my face because it is somewhat boyish. With my hair pulled straight back, I look like a dude. I used to always do a side bang when I wore my hair straight, but lately I just accept looking like garbage because I'm not trying to impress anyone anyways I've got better things to worry about. I'm sure when I'm interested in being attractive again I'll end up re-evaluating my style choices, but as of now I'm just like 'meh, I want to grow my hair out so screw 'em.'

You've gotten great tips, but still do what makes you happy. I think it's very important to feel comfortable in your own skin, not to make yourself feel uncomfortable because you feel like you have to.

[GrowinIt]

I like the way my hair looks in a pony tail, but haven't quite gotten a bun to look good on me. I once had a twist secured with a hair fork that looked decent enough to wear all day out and about. A half up bun looks fine, with half of the hair down, I'd wear that out and about. I don't really like the look of braids on me currently, but back when I had longer hair, I would often wear a fishtail braid over to one side. I need my longer hair back =).

[Dark40]

Hi everybody,
I have not been on here in a while. I have been busy with family life, etc. Anyway, my hair is now about hip length. I keep it up all the time unless going on a date with my husband. My original goal was to see how long it would get, what my terminal was, then probably maintain it around classic length. My problem is that I don't like how I look with my hair up. I have a kind of intense face, not very soft, and having my hair up just makes it worse. On top of that, I usually wear skirts instead of pants so I feel like I'm in period costume or something. I try to do different updos, leave wispies out, wear dangly earrings or headbands, but the truth is I just look better with my hair down. I also have kids, so having hip length hair down is not very practical. I am seriously thinking about cutting to waist length and trying to leave it down most of the time. Anybody else struggling with this? Does anybody leave their hair down all the time? Suggestions?

Yes, my hair is WL+, and I wear mine down all of the time. Accept for at night. I have a round face, and I don't think I look good with my hair up either. It makes my face even look fatter! Like what some hair stylists and others have told me, "You look a lot better with your hair down."

[Laurelin]

I would say it's very personal. For me, I prefer to keep my hair in a bun or braid nearly always since my hair damages and tangles very fast when it's down. I guess I would say I just like the moments where I can let my hair down and it being healthy outweighs the amount I dislike my face when I'm wearing my hair up if that makes any sense. :o But if you prefer your face and hair when you wear your hair down I would say; absolutely go for it! ;)

[2gaits]

My friend's mom when I was growing up had probably classic or finger tip length hair. I just remember it as very long. She never wore it up. I can't remember a time it was ever anyway but down. She had bangs and would pull up just the front sides with combs. The length was down. I don't think based on what I know she did that hair must be up all the time.

[Gaalsong]

Hey everyone,
I am back after a long absence, again. I visit when I can! Just wanted to update on this post, even thought it's been archived. Thanks so much to everyone who responded. It is nice to know that I am not alone in some of my feelings. Thanks for all the advice. I haven't done more than a small trim, and I still keep my hair up. I have found that straightening the hair around my face helps by makes me look more intentionally groomed. And I have been doing the accent braids around my face, and pulling them a bit loose. I have also been wearing makeup more regularly, and trying to dress in a way that makes me feel stylish instead of frumpy. So, a little bit of everything you guys have been saying. Also, I wear this big cloth flower in my hair all the time, which for some reason makes me feel great.

I had my hair down after the kids were in bed the other day, and my husband came up behind the couch and took it all in his hands and kissed it. So... that was awesome. He really loves the length.

I think I'm coming to terms with the way I look and my style a bit better. Truth is, I have never been "normal" in the way I dress, and it bores me when I try. For some reason I have always looked down on my eccentric style. But now I'm trying to rock it.

And bparnell75, your hair looks amazing. I don't think my hair would ever do that graceful swooping, without a ton of styling and hairspray, but WOW.

[bparnell75]

There are buns that can be seen from the front that break the harsh and severe lines. Almost any bun can be made up high. I enjoy my Spock buns up high where they can be seen from the front.
I do my flipbuns up high also
[IMG]https://live.staticflickr.com/4285/35161538260_3e85041dea_w.jpg
. But a small pompadore can e created with clips like this also.
https://live.staticflickr.com/906/41055685465_72df753917_w.jpg[/img
Gather the front hair up and clip it in a pouf.
https://live.staticflickr.com/4754/25005023777_1ff95c3d93_w.jpg

[Dark40]

Hi everybody,
I have not been on here in a while. I have been busy with family life, etc. Anyway, my hair is now about hip length. I keep it up all the time unless going on a date with my husband. My original goal was to see how long it would get, what my terminal was, then probably maintain it around classic length. My problem is that I don't like how I look with my hair up. I have a kind of intense face, not very soft, and having my hair up just makes it worse. On top of that, I usually wear skirts instead of pants so I feel like I'm in period costume or something. I try to do different updos, leave wispies out, wear dangly earrings or headbands, but the truth is I just look better with my hair down. I also have kids, so having hip length hair down is not very practical. I am seriously thinking about cutting to waist length and trying to leave it down most of the time. Anybody else struggling with this? Does anybody leave their hair down all the time? Suggestions?

I totally feel ya'. I hate the way I look too when I wear my hair up. So, that's why i wear mine down the majority of the time. The only time I wear it up is when I'm indoors at home but when I go out I wear it down, and my hair is waist length. I have a wide face, and like what some hair stylists say, "People with wide faces look much better with bangs and their hair down along with hair framing around the face." I wouldn't suggest you cut your hair back to waist length from hip length. Especially, if you're trying to grow your hair out to see where your terminal length is. I'm trying to grow my hair out to see how long it can grow too. Or, I would like to see where my terminal length is as well. Then, I was going to maintain mine at mid-thigh length.

[emilyogini]

I have a narrow face and features. When all of my hair is up and smooth (especially high up) it can come across as harsh in my opinion, like a mean schoolmarm in a children's novel. I cut short bangs <3, with a lot of taper around the sides. I do love my baby bangs up above the eyebrows. I trim them myself at home and I love the compliments I get. They make me feel good when I wear my hair up.

If I don't want them anymore, I grow them out. Want them again, cut them again:)
I go through phases every few years and I enjoy the change.

[Sammich]

I have a extremely round face and I hate it when I wear my hair up. I’ve found having a fringe helps though and having some side bits down... but I still prefer my hair down, I look a lot less like a moon then!

[Dung Beetle]

I have a weak chin and when I wear my hair up, I look like a damn light bulb. So I only put it up for housecleaning or working outside.

[FaeBroom]

Bangs definitely help! I have a prominent chin and a square jawline, and a high forehead to accentuate it all. I've been called the Crimson Chin before :l (shoutout to the millenials who know what cartoon I'm talking about). If I pull my hair back completely clean I look like an egg. But if I add a scarf or thick headband it hides my high hairline. So dressing up the style a bit makes buns seem less "frumpy", for lack of a better word, in my experience.

If I was alive during the renaissance I'd be the pinnacle of beauty, darn it!

[JasminxCat]

I don't like wearing my hair up because it makes me look awkwardly lanky. Only unless I'm cleaning or it's oily enough to contain my million of fly aways

[lapis_lazuli]

This is me. Bangs would probably help but I could not commit to them, and I think I look better without anyway. I have tried braiding on the sides of my head before bunning and it makes me look a bit nicer. The closest I can get to wearing it down are half-wound buns or knotted up braids, which hide most of the length.

[Bri-Chan]

I hate how I look with my hair up. So, I usually wear it up when I'm at home, when I go out I usually wear a side braid.

[Dark40]

Hi everybody,
I have not been on here in a while. I have been busy with family life, etc. Anyway, my hair is now about hip length. I keep it up all the time unless going on a date with my husband. My original goal was to see how long it would get, what my terminal was, then probably maintain it around classic length. My problem is that I don't like how I look with my hair up. I have a kind of intense face, not very soft, and having my hair up just makes it worse. On top of that, I usually wear skirts instead of pants so I feel like I'm in period costume or something. I try to do different updos, leave wispies out, wear dangly earrings or headbands, but the truth is I just look better with my hair down. I also have kids, so having hip length hair down is not very practical. I am seriously thinking about cutting to waist length and trying to leave it down most of the time. Anybody else struggling with this? Does anybody leave their hair down all the time? Suggestions?

I can feel ya'. I don't like the way I look either with my hair up, and my hair length is mid back length. I've always prefer to wear it down all of the time but there are times when I'll wear it up but the majority of the times it's down. Because, I have a wide face, and it makes me look like I have short hair, and short hair does not look good with my wide face. But if you feel cutting back one milestone then go for it.

[C_Bookworm]

When I finished up my no-trim 2020 year, I cut in some face framing layers. It’s maybe the look you’d get if curtain bangs grew out? No actual bangs, but a lot of face-framing tendrils that soften braids and buns. I’m really happy with them and wear my hair bunned or braided a lot more than I used to.

[bparnell75]

A severe pull back is not flattering on me either which is why I always make sure I have some fullness around my face.
https://live.staticflickr.com/855/43217217914_f4ddeb092b.jpg (https://flic.kr/p/28QXxdN)20180808_101602 (https://flic.kr/p/28QXxdN) by Elizabeth Parnell (https://www.flickr.com/photos/147465629@N02/), on Flickr
https://live.staticflickr.com/4459/23909963818_f4370f5712.jpg
https://live.staticflickr.com/4285/35161538260_3e85041dea.jpg

The face can always be softened by placing the bun where it can be seen from the front. Just make the pony higher before you start.
Here is a tutorial that taught me how to make the pouf in front.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MeR15eofNK4&list=PLghz7zScUfJtgaqqzcbcL8vnWjNAmoCeZ&index=16

[MusicalSpoons]

If I pull my hair back completely clean I look like an egg.

So do I! :rollin: It's fine if my hair is freshly-washed and the wispies frame my face, but after about day 2 the grease pulls most of them back and makes the rest stick together so it's really very much Not Great - but I can't stand hair in my face so I also can't do anything about it :shrug:

So yeah, I also don't like the way I look with my hair up, but I'm not sacrificing my comfort - nay, sanity - just to look slightly less awful on the rare occasion anyone sees me :silly:

[bparnell75]

Bun piled on top of head for face flattery. I got compliments on this one.
https://live.staticflickr.com/928/27737941958_9f1ed672b9_n.jpg

[Tinyponies]

Bun piled on top of head for face flattery. I got compliments on this one.
https://live.staticflickr.com/928/27737941958_9f1ed672b9_n.jpg

bparnell you look so glamorous. Lovely bun with little rope braid?

[Jools69]

The face can always be softened by placing the bun where it can be seen from the front. Just make the pony higher before you start.
Here is a tutorial that taught me how to make the pouf in front.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MeR15eofNK4&list=PLghz7zScUfJtgaqqzcbcL8vnWjNAmoCeZ&index=16
Thanks for the link. I have long face with a large forehead and a hairline receding into the corners. I’m always trying to find styles to help disguise it.

[baanoo]

Bun piled on top of head for face flattery. I got compliments on this one.
https://live.staticflickr.com/928/27737941958_9f1ed672b9_n.jpg

You look like the queen of the fairies in this photo - so gorgeous, and that’s my favorite bun placement!

[baanoo]

Double post

[bokeh]

Bun piled on top of head for face flattery. I got compliments on this one.I can see why you got compliments! Very pretty!

[maddie9]

The face can always be softened by placing the bun where it can be seen from the front. Just make the pony higher before you start.
Here is a tutorial that taught me how to make the pouf in front.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MeR15eofNK4&list=PLghz7zScUfJtgaqqzcbcL8vnWjNAmoCeZ&index=16

Ooh, thank you for the link, bparnell75! I'm going to try giving my hair more pouf in the front. Your hair and the way you style it is absolutely gorgeous, btw.

Actually glad I found this thread and I may be able to contribute something - I have an angled face and high temples with a square hairline so if I put my hair up and pull it too tight it looks awful. I cut long face-framing bangs to about the length of my chin, and then when I want them out of my face (or on the third or so day from washing when it starts to get a little greasy) I part my hair in the middle, take my bangs on each side and sort of twist them into a loose french rope braid along my hair line, securing with a few bobby pins behind the ear. Do this loosely so it poofs and you'll get a nice bit of volume in the front. It does look a bit antiquated but it holds securely all day and I like how it hides the thin parts of my hairline. I'm not sure if there's a proper name for this technique because it's something I just figured out on my own. Hope it makes sense and helps a bit, Gaalsong!

[bparnell75]

Ladies thanks so much for the kind words. I hear your concerns about face flattery and struggle with it every day. It does take a little extra time to do this but I feel so much better when I do.

[Feral_]

We are often our own worst critics. I see others with their hair up, like on this thread, and it looks so good. My own updo’s I dislike how they make me look because I can see more of my face. Yet wearing it loose is too cumbersome. Can not win! :shrug:

[lakhesis]

bparnell75 your updos always look so dreamy, love them :heartbeat

This thread is really like reading my own thoughts, although it makes me kinda sad that so many people don't like how they look with hair up. Especially since I find myself always admiring pictures on here!

In my case it actually got better with more length - I can make my bun more loose, so I feel like it looks more feminine from the front. I especially had issues with this when I was wearing business attire daily and I felt like the blazer and my hair up just made me look like a man lol. (and I only wear dresses! I don't even own any jeans/ trousers anymore!)
Not going to lie, I still prefer how I look with pancaked braid, ponytail or just my hair down.

[Jools69]

We are often our own worst critics. I see others with their hair up, like on this thread, and it looks so good. My own updo’s I dislike how they make me look because I can see more of my face. Yet wearing it loose is too cumbersome. Can not win! :shrug:

I feel the same most of the time, since I was criticised about my long face from an early age. When I style my hair or have it up, sometimes I think it looks ‘ok’ in the mirror, but then I feel it’s looks awful on webcam or in photos. However, when I look at previous photos of myself with my hair up from years ago when I thought I looked ugly, I actually wasn’t, but pretty. I try to keep this in mind, when I style my hair now.;)

[maddie9]

I feel the same most of the time, since I was criticised about my long face from an early age. When I style my hair or have it up, sometimes I think it looks ‘ok’ in the mirror, but then I feel it’s looks awful on webcam or in photos. However, when I look at previous photos of myself with my hair up from years ago when I thought I looked ugly, I actually wasn’t, but pretty. I try to keep this in mind, when I style my hair now.;)

The webcam and photo thing, oh my goodness. I struggle with that so much haha, especially since the pandemic since I'm in front of a webcam much more frequently.

It's good to remember that the lens can really change the dimensionality of your face and can especially make a difference if you have pronounced features or a long face. Remember that's not what people see when they look at you in person :blossom: I'm not a photographer but reading about lens focal length made me understand the issue with how my face looks in pics that had perplexed me for years haha. And that knowledge helps me worry a lot less. I know many people who I think are very beautiful (both men and women) but they don't look anything like themselves in photos!

And as you say, sometimes we just project our worry on how we look on an image but looking back we find a different perspective :-)

[0xalis]

So do I! :rollin: It's fine if my hair is freshly-washed and the wispies frame my face, but after about day 2 the grease pulls most of them back and makes the rest stick together so it's really very much Not Great - but I can't stand hair in my face so I also can't do anything about it :shrug:

So yeah, I also don't like the way I look with my hair up, but I'm not sacrificing my comfort - nay, sanity - just to look slightly less awful on the rare occasion anyone sees me :silly:

Exactly same lol. I can still wear my hair down with ease at this short length but I generally don't want to because it annoys me to no end.
I grew out my hair because I look better with a bun than a buzz cut and I just want the damn things out of my face!!!

[Tinyponies]

I love having long hair that’s out of my way and tucked up safe. But I have this experience too (though I’m not prepared to stop wearing my hair up). I’ve got a long face and have discovered that round earrings help to balance things out a bit.

[Jo Ann]

It took some time for me to get used to showing my ears! I have (to me, anyway) Dumbo ears and a diamond/oval face. I inherited my high cheekbones from my Grandma Rhoda, and more than a few folks have asked me if I have an American Indian somewhere in my ancestry (I do, on Grandma Rhoda's side of the family).

As long as my hair is out of my face, and doesn't get caught in the reel I attach my name tag on, I'm happy! Besides, it shows off the grey in my hair, and it seems I'm getting more of it by the day :confused: :cool:

[Jools69]

The webcam and photo thing, oh my goodness. I struggle with that so much haha, especially since the pandemic since I'm in front of a webcam much more frequently.

It's good to remember that the lens can really change the dimensionality of your face and can especially make a difference if you have pronounced features or a long face. Remember that's not what people see when they look at you in person :blossom: I'm not a photographer but reading about lens focal length made me understand the issue with how my face looks in pics that had perplexed me for years haha. And that knowledge helps me worry a lot less. I know many people who I think are very beautiful (both men and women) but they don't look anything like themselves in photos!

And as you say, sometimes we just project our worry on how we look on an image but looking back we find a different perspective :-)

Indeed. I was only just discussing this with my son, on how we look differently in the mirror than what we see in photos and webcams. I understand that with photography, it’s taking a 3D image and turning it into a 2D one. So some distortion will occur. He explained that it does involve the lens aperture. On mobile phones, for example, have a wide lens to capture as much light as possible. So it’s squeezing a wide image together, thus making it appear longer and thinner. Not good if you have a long face with a high forehead! :cry:

[Feral_]

Indeed. I was only just discussing this with my son, on how we look differently in the mirror than what we see in photos and webcams. I understand that with photography, it’s taking a 3D image and turning it into a 2D one. So some distortion will occur. He explained that it does involve the lens aperture. On mobile phones, for example, have a wide lens to capture as much light as possible. So it’s squeezing a wide image together, thus making it appear longer and thinner. Not good if you have a long face with a high forehead! :cry:

Our faces aren't symmetrical. Studies done on this have involved matching one side to the other to make it symmetrical and they just look wrong! Also people and dogs struggle to read facial cues if they are symmetrical - the left gaze bias theories. So rejoice in wonky faces! ;)

[Jools69]

Our faces aren't symmetrical. Studies done on this have involved matching one side to the other to make it symmetrical and they just look wrong! Also people and dogs struggle to read facial cues if they are symmetrical - the left gaze bias theories. So rejoice in wonky faces! ;)

Yes, I recall watching a documentary years ago which had a similar result.

Indeed, let our wonky faces rejoice! :hifive:

[DarleneH]

I didn't see this mentioned, so I'll throw it out for consideration: faux bangs. All the ones I've seen actually stay in place better if your hair is slicked back, and they add that fluff and fullness around your face without cutting any of your own hair. I would love to hear about some kind of faux bangs that somehow attach well enough to have when your hair is loose, but at least when I most need them (when real hair is pulled back) I can use them.

[Kathie]

The webcam and photo thing, oh my goodness. I struggle with that so much haha, especially since the pandemic since I'm in front of a webcam much more frequently.

It's good to remember that the lens can really change the dimensionality of your face and can especially make a difference if you have pronounced features or a long face. Remember that's not what people see when they look at you in person :blossom: I'm not a photographer but reading about lens focal length made me understand the issue with how my face looks in pics that had perplexed me for years haha. And that knowledge helps me worry a lot less. I know many people who I think are very beautiful (both men and women) but they don't look anything like themselves in photos!

And as you say, sometimes we just project our worry on how we look on an image but looking back we find a different perspective :-)

Sadly I've heard of people asking for cosmetic surgery so that they look better in selfies.... even though, as you say, with a lens that close the face/image is distorted.


I love having long hair that’s out of my way and tucked up safe. But I have this experience too (though I’m not prepared to stop wearing my hair up). I’ve got a long face and have discovered that round earrings help to balance things out a bit.

Me too! Earrings help.. they create some side interest / width. I find long dangly ones are best for me... they seem to work a little bit like wispies. I also bun high when I have the length to do so.

[Bri-Chan]

I hate how I look with my hair up. So, I usually wear it up when I'm at home, when I go out I usually wear a side braid.

I quote to add: to me it has nothing to do with my face shape. It has to do with the look. Wearing my hair up make me feel like I'm wearing a piece of clothes I would never wear.

[Ylva]

I quote to add: to me it has nothing to do with my face shape. It has to do with the look. Wearing my hair up make me feel like I'm wearing a piece of clothes I would never wear.

I also experience something similar.

I do wear my hair up occasionally for practicality, but I feel that my style is specifically to have that wild, untamed hair, and bunning it makes me feel muted.

[Hexana]

People say I look like a very strict teacher when I wear my hair up, which is all the time, so I quess that is why nobody even thinks to mess with me :p

[Belgrade Beauty]

I don't like how it looks when I wear a low middle bun or braid. High pony is the only style looking good on me. I'm honestly worried about my wedding hairstyle :/

[Kathie]

I don't like how it looks when I wear a low middle bun or braid. High pony is the only style looking good on me. I'm honestly worried about my wedding hairstyle :/

What about a high ponytail with braid accents?

[lapushka]

After the wash, I clip my hair up curly girl style (the length as well), just by putting 2 claws either side, and then the 2 remaining (length) sections in a bigger claw both sides of the head. When it's dried, after the diffuser, I put it back up the same way, with different clips (not my "dryer clips") and my mom likes this "looser" style on me very much. Very much. She always compliments me on it. Aaaand... then expresses her regret for "the bun". LOL She thinks it's too rigid on me. I know, I feel the same way, but it's easy, it's fast, and it's fun to use my forks. And it's more comfortable, that is the most important. So hey... you can't have it all. ;)

[Belgrade Beauty]

What about a high ponytail with braid accents?

I'll give it a go. I'm still researching possible options

[GordonMurphella]

I also experience something similar.

I do wear my hair up occasionally for practicality, but I feel that my style is specifically to have that wild, untamed hair, and bunning it makes me feel muted.

Exactly this! I couldn't put a word to it until now, but muted, ya definitely :)

[emilyogini]

I double posted; I'm sorry

[emilyogini]

I feel the same most of the time, since I was criticised about my long face from an early age. When I style my hair or have it up, sometimes I think it looks ‘ok’ in the mirror, but then I feel it’s looks awful on webcam or in photos. However, when I look at previous photos of myself with my hair up from years ago when I thought I looked ugly, I actually wasn’t, but pretty. I try to keep this in mind, when I style my hair now.;)

I, too, was criticized for a longer/narrow face from an early age. I still dislike myself sometimes when I see pictures or look in the mirror, but there's nothing I can do about it. It was always other females who treated me that way, and never guys, go figure =/

[tuanyiji]

I’m a bit upset to see so many people being unhappy with their updos. We should embrace and enjoy the long hair journey if keeping your hair up most of the time is the most efficient way to protect hair.
To me, keeping my hair up is a game challenger for the best, for a strictly high ponytail girl of over 2 decades, I didn’t even know I have a certain "look" until I tried all the updos and some of them compliment my features in a way that I can’t even begin to explain. I just look most in my elements when my hair is up and the back of my head is full. I feel taller and more confident with my bun. At this point people might think the buns are welded to my head. I changed my fashion style for the buns as well, I’m developing hobbies to make hair toys and tutorials and I’m having such a productive time, and yes, sometimes I do look like someone from a period drama with all my Qipao and Hanfu, but I think the Wow effect alone is totally worth it.
And yes updo can make you look maturer, but I unexpectedly gain respect from people that I didn’t know, so I think that’s a bonus point as well.

[spidermom]

I don't remember if I ever commented here. Probably. Anyway, the way I'm feeling these days is that I don't particularly like how I look with my hair put up, but I like having it secure, off my neck and face, and out of my way. What I usually do is braid it, then pin the braids up. It doesn't matter much because once I go to work in the garden or on a house renovation project, a bandana and ball cap go over my hair.

I very much enjoy combing out my hair at the end of the work day. Then I put it into a top-knot scrunchie bun for bed. My hair isn't worn down much at all.

[Stray_mind]

Play around with your hairline maybe? Part your hair in different ways, make some accent braid to the side... It can change how your face looks.

[lapis_lazuli]

I used to not like it, but I don't really care anymore. It's worth it to keep my length, and there's plenty of beauty and elegance in buns. Adding accents, like your favourite hairtoys, helps too.

[embee]

Earrings. :) They've been a lifesaver for me, as my hair in a bun tends to be slicked back in the Old Lady Mean Librarian look, but flirty dangling earrings soften that so much.

I remember many years ago being very sad that my earrings never showed because I wore my hair down... and I had some pretty earrings then, but finally disposed of them when I had babies etc. Wish I had them now.

[Ada-banana]

Earrings. :) They've been a lifesaver for me, as my hair in a bun tends to be slicked back in the Old Lady Mean Librarian look, but flirty dangling earrings soften that so much.

I remember many years ago being very sad that my earrings never showed because I wore my hair down... and I had some pretty earrings then, but finally disposed of them when I had babies etc. Wish I had them now.

Very true! I always notice when I don't have my earrings in my ears, because it makes me soft and female instead of a viking male.

[intothemist1999]

I'm another one who doesn't like the way I look with my hair up. I've done it mostly for work (care home). I realize keeping it up keeps it protected, but then... what? We let it down on special occasions?

So in a way, it's the reverse of what other people do lol? I understand the rationale, but I've found almost zero updos that look good on me.

It's not the hairstyles themselves in my case (and I suspect in others). It's more how they suit my face, and also my body.

It's the old problem of hairstylists - they want to create something good-looking. If you're lucky, they also want to create something for your face. If you're unbelievably lucky, they want to create something that for the overall person. I've never met that stylist.


Like someone else said, I can leave the house thinking my hair looks great, until I have a picture taken. I have discovered that the camera is my friend, when at home! I either make sure I do lots of examining with a mirror and from stepping very far away (I don't know why being close excuse things even in a normal mirror). If in doubt, I will take a photo from different angles.

I look a bit dumpy with my hair up but with some long bangs down, but part of the reason I like to wear my hair down is to hide the double chin.
Hard to find something that covers all the bases, it seems.

[Cg]

Earrings. :) They've been a lifesaver for me, as my hair in a bun tends to be slicked back in the Old Lady Mean Librarian look, but flirty dangling earrings soften that so much.

This really made me chuckle, thanks for the humor.

[lapushka]

This really made me chuckle, thanks for the humor.

It's something that is said around these parts (used to be) quite often. LOL Because when bunned, depending on the way, you bet we all look like that.

[Glitch]

Just wanted to add that aside from having a sensitive scalp that aches easily with long-wear or complicated updos, I also dislike updos on myself in general. My face is on the fuller side (which is easy to blend in with my hair down) and beyond that, my features can become a bit harsh looking if I sport an updo without bangs and a couple face framing layers. I really only put my hair up when I'm rather active (at the gym/out in the wind/eating somewhere/errands etc.). Otherwise it's always down - the style that's the most physically comfortable for me as well as being a confidence booster. It's not a bad thing to have different preferences, especially when it comes to our appearance and how we express it.

I've grown my hair out to BCL like this so far, no issues. That being said, I imagine it would become a nightmare around CL if you still wear it loose often. And with that being said, I don't have any intention to grow that long. It probably wouldn't be feasible regardless, so I'll always admire from afar! :p


x Some people see buns as merely a practical way to wear their hair. For other people, this just results in frustration.

💯