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View Full Version : My hair feels like a sunk cost (warning: long and whiny)



Nedertane
March 30th, 2019, 04:36 PM
For the record, I'm writing this at a moment where I thought I was having a great hair day, but I was proven wrong in about 2 hours. Anyway -

Sometimes I feel like I just keep my long hair because I've invested time and money into it, and going short would be "wasteful". I wear my up most of the time because I prefer to have it up at work. I enjoy wearing it down on a "fun" day, but then it gets frustrating. It gets tangled so quickly and so easily, and it's so flat. I know some people like a "sleek" look, but I don't, at least for myself. In fact, I feel like my hair being flat/sleek is kind of limiting (more detail on that below).

I feel like ive tried a lot of things (but maybe not every single thing). I've tried putting moisture in, and taking moisture out. I've tried heat and no heat. I used to use mouse and sprays as a teen, but I'm pretty sure they didn't do much back then either.

Going back to aesthetics, I feel like I can't make my hair suit me or my tastes. Granted, I have no idea what kind of hair style would actually look good on me, but I don't know what I would do to go with what I like. I could MAYBE be okay with my hair being straight if it had more volume/poof, but I haven't figured out how to make that happen. There are various punk styles that I like, but I know they can be super damaging and time consuming. This also why i dont do a lot of the updos that lhc peeps like - they feel too ornate and classical for my punk/goth/metal ~*aesthetic*~, even if I love them on others. The one hairstyle I can kind of rely on to look good, and play to my aesthetics is like a high messy bun, potentially with fun clip-in hair pieces. But like... am I really doomed to have only one hairstyle? I would hope not.

But then... I've never tried short hair, or an undercut, or anything really different. I've played with color a bit, but I feel like that's easier to fix. Going back to the sunk cost analogy, since I've spent a lot of time and money on oils, conditioners, combs, pins, toys, etc., I feel I would be wasting an investment by going short. Sure, I could get a pixie cut tomorrow. But then what would I do with the hair sticks I've tried to make? And the pack of bobby pins I just bought? Will the argan oil work for my skin, if it's not going on my hair?

Ugh. It just feels bad, man. Maybe I need some recommendations. Maybe I need a hug. Maybe I need to go cut some parmesan to go with my whine. For now I'll just thank everyone here for trying to read through my rambling melodrama. I hope guys enjoy your beautiful hair as much as I hate my garbage locks.

cjk
March 30th, 2019, 04:42 PM
You mentioned punk and you mentioned color. Punk, particularly where it intersects with goth, embraces long hair. And it doesn't require sleek, by any stretch of the imagination.

Off the top of my head, have you considered braid So? And if you want color you can do feed in extensions which will both enhance your volume and add any color you want.

Kanekelon can be magical, if you use it right.

blackgothicdoll
March 30th, 2019, 04:43 PM
I feel you on the sunk cost, but you can always sell your sticks and toys on the swap board? I'd recommend trying out wigs. Try braidwaves? Those can be fluffy I think, I'm not sure how much they'll work for your hair type but I would think they would give you more volume.

Head-banging with short hair isn't as fun, IMO, so just keep that in mind (assuming you also enjoy punk/metal shows).

Definitely a bit of a conflict. I still say try some short wigs and see how you like them, but remember also how long it took you to grow your hair and if you really want to turn around and grow it back again. And if you're alright with that, then I'd say your decision is a good one and you should do what makes you happy. :)

lapushka
March 30th, 2019, 04:49 PM
But then... I've never tried short hair, or an undercut, or anything really different. I've played with color a bit, but I feel like that's easier to fix. Going back to the sunk cost analogy, since I've spent a lot of time and money on oils, conditioners, combs, pins, toys, etc., I feel I would be wasting an investment by going short. Sure, I could get a pixie cut tomorrow. But then what would I do with the hair sticks I've tried to make? And the pack of bobby pins I just bought? Will the argan oil work for my skin, if it's not going on my hair?

Ugh. It just feels bad, man. Maybe I need some recommendations. Maybe I need a hug. Maybe I need to go cut some parmesan to go with my whine. For now I'll just thank everyone here for trying to read through my rambling melodrama. I hope guys enjoy your beautiful hair as much as I hate my garbage locks.

If you want to get it out of your system: do it.

I grew long only after I got it *all* out of my system bar funky hair dye coloring. I never went there nor do I have a desire to. I did bleach, henna, chemical dye. Curly perms, pixie, bob, APL, BSL, back to a bob, etc.

The pins and all of it will be there when you are ready to grow back.

It does sound really thought through, and not so much a fleeting thought. :flower:

But still, I would give it all the 2-week rule!

ExpectoPatronum
March 30th, 2019, 05:18 PM
It sounds like long hair no longer suits your needs. That's okay. Could you go a little shorter without sacrificing all of your length? Like Lapushka said, all your hair toys will be there if you decide to grow long again.

ynne
March 30th, 2019, 05:23 PM
If you can borrow a high quality short hair wig, I would do that! If not, can you try some fake-bob hairstyle?

I went from long hair to short hair (basically a pixie) and I have an undercut now... if you wanted to hear some personal experience with that. The undercut I have mixed feelings about, but going short was the best decision I could have made at that moment in my life.

As for the investment... I would like to offer a different perspective: you spent all this time getting to know your hair, and now you have a selection of products that you will still be able to use after it's short (even the oil, for deep treatment). That knowledge and experience won't be wasted in any way.
You also have functional items you can either keep for later (it'll always grow back), give away (to make someone happy) or sell (so you get some money back). Either way, you still get some value out of them!
And what else, time? You spent the time doing something for yourself, hopefully making yourself happier in the process, that's never a waste. :) But since your hair no longer brings you any joy... isn't it more wasteful to force yourself to endure it, when you could be happily experimenting with it instead?

All that being said, I would recommend looking for hairstyles (with your hair type!) to find out what you really like. :) I usually just do a pinterest board before making such a decision, gathering inspiration for a bit, deleting the things I like but don't want on myself, until I can spot some patterns and settle on something.

Good luck!

milosmomma
March 30th, 2019, 07:31 PM
I agree that you should play around with some funky styles. I think double dutch braids can look alternative especially considering what clothes you normally wear. Space buns(double buns) are pretty punk to me. Change your hair parting far over to one side and braid the "fringe" around in a lace braid before bunning. Treat yourself to a new hairtoy to bring back some fun to learning new styles. I would definitely think on it for the two weeks as well. I accidentally made a pretty punk looking style with a hair moon, idk if thats something you'd be interested in trying with your hair but I'll share it in case it gives you some ideas :)
https://forums.longhaircommunity.com/attachment.php?attachmentid=36013&d=1552714150
If you want more volume, how about a paranda/parandi? You can choose to have a vivid loud colored one or go the other route and use yarn/fabric in a similar shade to your color.
https://i.imgur.com/d0asnlTm.jpghttps://i.imgur.com/s3ci2z0m.jpg

blackgothicdoll
March 30th, 2019, 08:15 PM
^^ Ooohhhh YES those are some awesome punk styles, you could tie them into goth and metal looks too. Thanks for sharing milosmomma, those looks are awesome! The Gothic era is encompassed by many of these 'classical' styles (I know, modern goth is not the same, but that's where the inspiration came from), so I don't think it would be hard to really match those styles together. You can really play with it and do your own thing.

There's hair paints/waxes/chalks/sprays, and that paranda that milosmomma posted.

I always picture myself rocking long dutchbraid pigtails to concerts in praise of Wednesday as I'm usually wearing black (if the sn didn't hint that).

Though I digress OP, I hope you feel better regardless and are happy with whatever decision you make. Would you mind posting pics of your hair if you want more ideas? This could be a super fun thread if it turns into a 'make my long hair more metal' type theme.

CampFireTiger
March 30th, 2019, 08:55 PM
Many LHCers would probably strongly disagree with me, but depending on what your hair color is maybe you could work on dying it as dark as possible. I had a dark gothic aesthetic for awhile and still sorta do sometimes, and when I had waist length hair I dyed it black with semi-permanent dye and maintained it with coffee soaks, though using black walnut would have been more effective at keeping it dark I'm sure. Undercuts look freaking awesome, and side shaves can be very dramatic and fitting for what you're going for, though obviously there's no going back for awhile on that one.

Don't make any decisions while you're sad or overly discouraged. Eat some pasta or whatever food makes you happy, and meditate on it for as long as you need to :)

BerrySara
March 30th, 2019, 11:09 PM
oooo I really love the hair moon look you did milosmomma and the paranda braid! Thats an awesome way to add some feisty color while adding volume!

Simsy
March 30th, 2019, 11:25 PM
Nedertane; maybe start with some cheese and take a few deep breaths. The first question I have is ďwhat do you want your hair to do?Ē This isnít just aesthetic; itís also how much work and what kind of maintenance you are interested in? Short hair is awesome if you donít mind the slight restrictions in styling options. Coloured hair and shaved styles can be great fun if youíre ok with the upkeep. Wigs might be a good option to trial a few ideas before you go ahead and commit to anything.

As for whether you have wasted time or money on long hair; I donít personally see it that way. You donít waste puberty in school; it just happens to be a byproduct of an education into various subjects. You havenít wasted time or money on long hair. Long hair was merely a byproduct of learning to care for your hair in the best way possible for you. Thatís not wasted knowledge. If you choose to go crazy with colour or more intense styles; this knowledge will allow you to keep your hair in as good condition as possible.

And finally; take a deep breath and accept what youíre working with. There is only so much you can do to change what grows out of your head. If you can work with it, you will save yourself a lifetime of pain.

Nedertane
March 31st, 2019, 08:05 AM
You mentioned punk and you mentioned color. Punk, particularly where it intersects with goth, embraces long hair. And it doesn't require sleek, by any stretch of the imagination.

Off the top of my head, have you considered braid So? And if you want color you can do feed in extensions which will both enhance your volume and add any color you want.

Kanekelon can be magical, if you use it right.

The thing with sleekness is that that is what my hair is prone to doing. It's fine and straight.

As for kanekalon, I do love me a good Nina Hagen-style hair fall... For color, I've really only done stuff within the spectrum of natural colors. I know that more workplaces are becoming more accepting of unnatural colors, but I feel like it's still a risk.

Nedertane
March 31st, 2019, 08:12 AM
I feel you on the sunk cost, but you can always sell your sticks and toys on the swap board? I'd recommend trying out wigs. Try braidwaves? Those can be fluffy I think, I'm not sure how much they'll work for your hair type but I would think they would give you more volume.

Head-banging with short hair isn't as fun, IMO, so just keep that in mind (assuming you also enjoy punk/metal shows).

Definitely a bit of a conflict. I still say try some short wigs and see how you like them, but remember also how long it took you to grow your hair and if you really want to turn around and grow it back again. And if you're alright with that, then I'd say your decision is a good one and you should do what makes you happy. :)

I actually have considered wigs. It's just really difficult for me to pick something because there are SO. MANY. OPTIONS. I'm not sure about braid waves, honestly. Like if I have my hair in a braid or bun for a while and I take it out, the waves dissipate after a little while. But this is without any kinds of styling products.

As for head-banging, I actually was musing to myself what I'd even do with myself at shows if I actually cut my hair, lol.

cjk
March 31st, 2019, 08:15 AM
The thing with sleekness is that that is what my hair is prone to doing. It's fine and straight.

As for kanekalon, I do love me a good Nina Hagen-style hair fall... For color, I've really only done stuff within the spectrum of natural colors. I know that more workplaces are becoming more accepting of unnatural colors, but I feel like it's still a risk.

The nice thing about feed in hair is that it can be removed, too.

Unlike dye.

Several of us have made similar suggestions, kanekelon or yarn or parandas. The result would be the same, the addition of volume and the potential for color if you so wish.

Nedertane
March 31st, 2019, 08:16 AM
I agree that you should play around with some funky styles. I think double dutch braids can look alternative especially considering what clothes you normally wear. Space buns(double buns) are pretty punk to me. Change your hair parting far over to one side and braid the "fringe" around in a lace braid before bunning. Treat yourself to a new hairtoy to bring back some fun to learning new styles. I would definitely think on it for the two weeks as well. I accidentally made a pretty punk looking style with a hair moon, idk if thats something you'd be interested in trying with your hair but I'll share it in case it gives you some ideas :)
https://forums.longhaircommunity.com/attachment.php?attachmentid=36013&d=1552714150
If you want more volume, how about a paranda/parandi? You can choose to have a vivid loud colored one or go the other route and use yarn/fabric in a similar shade to your color.
https://i.imgur.com/d0asnlTm.jpghttps://i.imgur.com/s3ci2z0m.jpg

This is the kind of content that I am here for, haha. Do I think I'll probably sit botch it, and hate myself? Yes I do. But it's still worth a try.

Nedertane
March 31st, 2019, 08:22 AM
Many LHCers would probably strongly disagree with me, but depending on what your hair color is maybe you could work on dying it as dark as possible. I had a dark gothic aesthetic for awhile and still sorta do sometimes, and when I had waist length hair I dyed it black with semi-permanent dye and maintained it with coffee soaks, though using black walnut would have been more effective at keeping it dark I'm sure. Undercuts look freaking awesome, and side shaves can be very dramatic and fitting for what you're going for, though obviously there's no going back for awhile on that one.

Don't make any decisions while you're sad or overly discouraged. Eat some pasta or whatever food makes you happy, and meditate on it for as long as you need to :)

I'll post pics after I've worked out as another person suggested, but I'm apprehensive about dying my hair dark because the natural color is on the lighter side. It's only about a level 7 or 8 naturally, but I feel like when you dye light hair really dark, the roots come in and look like you're balding. :(

On the other hand, I actually highlighted it quite a bit recently to kind of "preview" if I would like it platinum blond. I know, I know, that's mortifying by lhc standards. But I already went and did it haha. I will say though, I mentioned how much my hair tangles, and I know someone will say that's a result of bleaching. But before you come at me with that, just know that it has ALWAYS been like this. My hair has always tangled easily, before any bleach, heat, or anything. My poor parents had a great time trying to comb it as a kid, and my poor hair dresser has a great time trying to comb it out now.

ynne
March 31st, 2019, 09:57 AM
Nedertane, dark hair ends, gradients (like reversed ombre; or a regular ombre, if you want to go really light), or layered colour (i.e. dark underneath) grow out better than a solid colour all over. :)

milosmomma, that looks amazing!!

spidermom
March 31st, 2019, 01:33 PM
I think sometimes we just need a big change as a sort of refresher. I agonized over wanting to cut my hair for at least 2 years before I actually did it, and I enjoyed it, but it did renew my interest in growing long again. If I hadn't cut it, I'd more than likely still be agonizing over it. If you need a change, go for it. Hair grows back; life goes on.

Nedertane
March 31st, 2019, 03:36 PM
Here are current pics of length and color. Or, at least the best I could do.


Length
https://i.imgur.com/x0My8mN.png

Color
https://i.imgur.com/yTOcGFZ.png

The color looks a bit ashier than it is IRL, but I didn't want to fiddle around with saturation or brightness too much, and make the photos look even more off. The lighter section is obviously a highlighted part, the darker section is an area that hasn't been touched by dye. Because of how the mirror faces opposite the window, it was difficult to capture the color in the length shot.

lapushka
March 31st, 2019, 04:06 PM
It's pretty. Are you growing out the color? :)

Corvana
March 31st, 2019, 04:29 PM
When you mentioned a punk/goth aesthetic and not doing "regular LHC buns", my first thought was of TatsuOni. Her classifier is also 1a/1b! In her most recent (it was last year's, but it hasn't been a full year again yet :laugh: ) anniversary post she even has pictures of her natural color, which looks a lot like the darker color in your photos. Of course she uses henna and indigo on her hair now! She does a lot of your regular LHC buns, and also braids and accent braids and stuff. It never looks out of place with her style to me!

CopperButterfly
March 31st, 2019, 04:30 PM
Have you tried using little corn row type french or dutch braids on the side of your head to mimic the look of a side shave? Just another idea to give more of the aesthetic you're looking for. Also maybe dying that under section of hair even darker. You could still look professional where needed, but it would give you a really interesting take to your hair.

I also say don't be afraid of cutting it. It will grow back. As for the hair toys, if you've used them and loved them, then they didn't go to wast. Sometimes certain things are just for a season. Don't worry about not using something anymore because you've moved on. If it served it's purpose, then it wasn't a waste.

ynne
March 31st, 2019, 04:47 PM
If it served it's purpose, then it wasn't a waste.
100% agreed + the purpose can be just to teach you that this does not work for you, but you only know because you tried it. :o

LadyAdelina
March 31st, 2019, 04:50 PM
Your hair is beautiful, but there's definitely nothing wrong with wanting to change things up! I am now growing my natural hair out after having platinum hair with shaved sides... I loved that it looked presentable for work in the office (the insurance industry can be particularly conservative) with a center part and a low bun, but it also looked awesome and goth on the weekends. Once I got tired of the maintenance, I cut it to a short style and I'm now growing it out from there.

I actually think long, fine, blonde hair looks pretty metal to me, but I guess a lot of the metal I listen is from Scandinavia, haha. At any rate, I hope you find a style that makes you happy. And in the mean time, I think this is a pretty safe place to whine! :)

Nedertane
March 31st, 2019, 08:35 PM
Have you tried using little corn row type french or dutch braids on the side of your head to mimic the look of a side shave? Just another idea to give more of the aesthetic you're looking for. Also maybe dying that under section of hair even darker. You could still look professional where needed, but it would give you a really interesting take to your hair

I have thought about those kinds of accent braids. I'm still learning to do regular French/Dutch braids, though, so might be awhile haha. That is an interesting idea about the undersection. I'll have to figure out if I want to grow out the current color, or go full platinum like I mentioned though.

Nedertane
March 31st, 2019, 08:42 PM
Your hair is beautiful, but there's definitely nothing wrong with wanting to change things up! I am now growing my natural hair out after having platinum hair with shaved sides... I loved that it looked presentable for work in the office (the insurance industry can be particularly conservative) with a center part and a low bun, but it also looked awesome and goth on the weekends. Once I got tired of the maintenance, I cut it to a short style and I'm now growing it out from there.

I actually think long, fine, blonde hair looks pretty metal to me, but I guess a lot of the metal I listen is from Scandinavia, haha. At any rate, I hope you find a style that makes you happy. And in the mean time, I think this is a pretty safe place to whine! :)

While I don't know if I want to shave the sides, that is why I wanted to dip my toe into platinum blond. It can look interesting/alternative, but is still "natural/normal". For the record, my workplace is pretty chill as far as a general dress code, but they don't specify anything for hair style/color. And of course while I like my current job, I may not be here forever...

And Yeah, I thought long hair like you described fit a metal aesthetic too. And maybe if I were a man, or lived in a Nordic country, that might be the case. But I am but a short, scrawny, white American girl, and I fear it makes me look basic (the HORROR! lol)

LadyAdelina
March 31st, 2019, 11:14 PM
And Yeah, I thought long hair like you described fit a metal aesthetic too. And maybe if I were a man, or lived in a Nordic country, that might be the case. But I am but a short, scrawny, white American girl, and I fear it makes me look basic (the HORROR! lol)

Well I can understand that fear of looking basic, hahaha! shudder: I went on a trip to Tucson, AZ recently, and was waiting in line in a convenience store... I looked around and noticed there were at least four young women with my exact hair color, and tall like me. Not going to lie, that made me miss some of my unnatural hair colors. I never felt so boring and basic before, haha.

ynne
April 1st, 2019, 01:54 PM
While I don't know if I want to shave the sides, that is why I wanted to dip my toe into platinum blond. It can look interesting/alternative, but is still "natural/normal". For the record, my workplace is pretty chill as far as a general dress code, but they don't specify anything for hair style/color. And of course while I like my current job, I may not be here forever...

If you go that light, it would be easy to experiment with temporary pastel tones, too. :) Or with grey.