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View Full Version : My friend's advice how to discuss with hairdressers (for those who do...)



leayellena
March 12th, 2019, 05:57 AM
A friend messaged me on Facebook and she told me how she always gets hair best haircut every single time (not that she has much to do if she still keeps her hair somewhere between sl and cbl but here we go):
1. it's a psychological trick that it's mostly applied to job interviews but it works in any case: the trick is to look into the hairdresser/hairstylist/barber's eyes while describing the haircut you want. Don't just sit in the chair mumbling something barely audible like "trim" or "split ends" between the whole long phrases nobody hears. there are far too much noise happening in a hairdressing saloon.
2. bring photos/videos but remember that hairdressers are oblidged to cut your hair even if they don't even know how to cut it in that shape you want. they barelly earn money so they need to work.
3. remember that long hair today is so rare hairdressers just simply don't know what to do with it. if you go to a hairdresser you simply go because you don't grow your hair more than apl at most and it will definitelly be layered, while blut cuts are no longer than cbl. if you want long hair you diy it or you really fly from berlin to new york for that deva cut or kim k cut I don't know. joking, but I want to emphase how difficult it is to find a hairdresser that knows what to do with hair beyond apl.
4. her advice is also: check out which services EXACTLY the saloon offers: trim vs dusting, long is apl so don't say you want long hair; you want very long hair (apl to hip). beyond hip length is considered damaged, thin, broken, etc. so yeah...
5. remember that bulky hair is what hairdressers hate or find unnatural. so thinning/layering is 99% inevitable. I don't know, maybe you should stop her imediately if you see/feel she's raising a chunk of hair (?)
6. needless to say you should stay still? stop tilting your head to look into your smartphone for example. even a cm on short (until mbl) hair is visible, so the hairdresser will need to cut a few cm/inches to level that "mistake" up.

that's all folks. seems to help but I personally am done with them.
anyway feel free to discuss problems, perks, tips and tricks, maybe even saloon reviews, comfort each other or discuss anything else.

Aerya
March 12th, 2019, 07:36 AM
Oh, great thread!

I'd suggest telling the stylist upfront that you've had bad experiences in the past with hairdressers cutting off too much/not listening. You don't have to go into teardripping detail and it doesn't have to be true either; just so that they are extra considerate and careful not to cut off too much.

Also, show, don't just tell. Like Leayellena said, long hair means APL to some, and I think we're all familiar with how one inch quickly becomes four in the mind of a hairdresser. Show with your fingers and on your body how much you want cut off and mention that you're growing out your hair. If your hair is damaged like mine, mention this too and make it clear you still only want x amount cut off. They might have the education, but it's YOUR hair.

Another tips I read somewhere is to tell them you have a job interview, wedding, any big event coming up in which it's important to look good. I think this goes especially for cutting styles such as a bob or a pixie, where it needs to be tailored to your hair type and overall look. According to the poster, this will make them put in more of an effort. I haven't done this myself though but it might be worth a shot.

Another thing is to be clear about what level of maintenance you're up for and how much you want to style in the morning. Again, this might be more for shorter styles, but it's still important, especially with how common it is to heat style/blow dry today. If you're not up for that, say so if they don't bring it up.

spidermom
March 12th, 2019, 08:54 AM
Yes, definitely speak up and look at the stylist while you talk, even if s/he's standing behind you and you're looking in the mirror. Look at his/her reflected face. Be very specific. For example, the last time I saw my stylist, I told her to "take 1 inch off the length, then only cut the very tips off the layers, just enough to get the majority of split ends. I'm growing my hair out and want to get back to full thickness at the bottom."

It does help to find one stylist and stick with her/him. The longer you work together, the better the understanding between the two of you.

You need to watch what's going on to make sure there are no misunderstandings, especially at the first visit with a new person. If she/he is awful, get out of that chair and leave as soon as possible. Better to have one strand that was cut much shorter than you asked for than to end up with a whole new style you don't want and will have to spend years growing out. I've lost count of how many salon stories start with wanting a small trim at the bottom and end with many inches gone and layers. Don't let it happen to you, pay attention!

If you don't want layers, the stylist should be combing your hair straight down. If the hair is pulled out at an angle, especially a steep angle, that means layers. If you have thick hair and do not want it thinned, say that right at the beginning "I do not want to have my hair thinned."

Begemot
March 12th, 2019, 09:40 AM
There's some really great advice here! One thing that I think is protecting me and my hair is that I visit the same hairdresser as my sister and mother. It would make sense for her to do everything in her power to not mess up my hair since there's a possibility she might lose not just one but three regulars, if something happened to my hair. My sis and ma would definitely hear about it and they would possibly switch to another salon. At least that's how I would feel if I'd hear negative stuff of her work from my family members.

tekla
March 12th, 2019, 10:06 AM
Yeah, it all comes down to communication and being as specific as possible about what you want and don't want. I know from recent personal experience that cost me about 10 cm. It was completely down to me because I wasn't specific enough and didn't pay attention when the hairdresser told me what she was going to do. Maybe I'm naive but in general I'd say that hairdressers want to please their client and give them a good experience. It's not in their interest either to have unsatisfied clients. Of course there a people in the industry with not-so-pleasant attitudes but I'd like to believe they are in the minority.

Zorya
March 12th, 2019, 10:18 AM
Looking someone dead in the eye and saying "I am growing my hair out," works well, as does having a list of things you do not find helpful. I've mentioned it before, but I have had several hairdressers razor my hair or cut hairs off at the root (???) to make my hair more "manageable" so explaining that I can happily manage the volume of my hair goes a long way. Best hair cut I ever got was still from a stripmall in Ottawa where some old Russian woman said "what you want" when I walked in and I sheepishly said, "A haircut?" and she gave me the best haircut I've ever had in my life.

val.
March 12th, 2019, 11:37 AM
If you find a hairdresser that works for you, keep them as long as you can. Been going to mine for 15 years and couldn't imagine having to find a new one.

meteor
March 12th, 2019, 02:09 PM
There's some really good advice in the Original Post. :)

I feel like I'm done with hairdressers, but I did notice that, over time, I started getting better trims the longer my hair got (post-TBL), because hairdressers probably sensed that I won't accept generic chop and layering/razoring through my thickness. I started getting assertive about what I wanted and bringing my own detangling tools and the hairdressers seemed actually really grateful for that, since they don't typically carry anything to handle extra length or thickness anyway. I also like barber shops, because they are just more likely, in my experience, to follow my instructions and respect my current length instead of pushing for thinning out/highlights/balayage and whatever else may be currently trendy.

I also tend to give the more conservative ranges of cm that I want cut off to leave a bit of a buffer, in case they mess up and cut more.

Also, asking to cut on dry hair can save you lots of pain (incl. literal pain), because those tiny wash basins can really tangle up thick/long hair and the long post-wash drying and detangling struggles are something I want to avoid, not to mention that cutting on dry hair helps take into account natural hair texture and prevent cutting too much due to shrinkage.

Good hairdressers are definitely worth travelling for, and they do tend to move around a lot, so not everybody is lucky enough to have that continuity and security of going to the same person for years. I think hairdressers that have a reputation for "knowing" long hair, long-hair salons (e.g. George Michael's), and some reputable curly hair salons are all good places to start searching.

And if you feel like the professional isn't listening to your instructions, I think it's perfectly OK to politely stop them, stand up and leave. There is no place for people-pleasing when you are the one who would be growing out results of their actions for years to follow. :flower:

cjk
March 12th, 2019, 03:03 PM
I have a thing for Barber bouncing. Google it

My issue was that they don't listen, but often take off far too little. For instance when I ask for a high and tight flattop worthy of the Marine corps, I don't expect much more than stubble to remain. I don't want it whittled down, I want a severe shearing.

Same coin, opposite side.

Communication should go both ways. The barber asks what you want, but you need to interview the barber too. The question isn't whether they are a good barber, but if they're a good barber FOR YOU.

I think the majority of issues are from people who just plop into the chair and fail to communicate anything useful.

Assumptions are rarely safe.

lapushka
March 12th, 2019, 04:31 PM
And sometimes even the best communication doesn't work. I once went to a trainee and the manager neglected to inform me. When I asked for a few soft layers, she cut up my entire head, from bra strap almost up to ear level. The manager later had to fix my cut and I looked like a bad version of Amélie. Looked good on the actrice, less on me.

Sometimes no matter what you do, it fails.

Last time I went to the hair dresser I got a perm, and later a perm again - when an entire roller burned out of my head, I called it quits.

That is why I now cut my own hair, and have done consistently for a number of years now.

spidermom
March 12th, 2019, 07:41 PM
I enjoy being at the salon, so I've been to a lot of stylists in my 65 years. I must be a very good communicator because the only times I got something I didn't ask for were when a) the stylist was at least 8 months pregnant, I was a walk-in, and it was the end of the day. I could tell that she was exhausted, so I probably only have myself to blame for the hack job I got. b) I told the stylist that I wanted a small trim at the bottom, but as she got started I started babbling away about how I wanted to get rid of all my layers eventually, and the next thing I knew she was cutting off a good 4 inches to - you probably guessed it - get rid of my layers. Again, I think I have only myself to blame. Now I tell the stylist what I want, I listen to her feedback, we agree on what's happening, and then I talk about other things so as not to confuse her.

Natalia_A00
March 13th, 2019, 08:48 PM
Good advice! Also it is a matter of luck. After a lot of time, I have found a good hairdresser that actually listens to what I want and does it. But I think it was because I insisted very much and created a little bit of drama. The more you specify and emphasize what you want the better. You have to be insistent! A lot of bad results come from bad communication with the hairdresser. Also you have to look at what they're doing

leayellena
March 16th, 2019, 08:28 AM
Great advices here lovely lhcers. I might make some of your advices viral on my blog (without mentioning your names for privacy). I feel the world needs such great advices.
LVO and wish you a nice weekend! :)

lapushka
March 16th, 2019, 08:50 AM
Great advices here lovely lhcers. I might make some of your advices viral on my blog (without mentioning your names for privacy). I feel the world needs such great advices.
LVO and wish you a nice weekend! :)

Wouldn't you need permission of the people who wrote those messages, though. :hmm:

meteor
March 16th, 2019, 09:01 AM
Great advices here lovely lhcers. I might make some of your advices viral on my blog (without mentioning your names for privacy). I feel the world needs such great advices.
LVO and wish you a nice weekend! :)

Sounds like a great idea. I certainly wouldn't have minded knowing some of this stuff many years ago myself. Took me a few unnecessary bad experiences to figure out those things.


Wouldn't you need permission of the people who wrote those messages, though. :hmm:

Just in case, you have my permission regarding my posts on this thread, leayellena. :)

Ylva
March 16th, 2019, 09:09 AM
Wouldn't you need permission of the people who wrote those messages, though. :hmm:

If you don't copy and paste the messages as an exact quote but reformulate the advice, it should be fine. No one can own a piece of advice in the end. :) Of course, if the advice includes an example that is a personal story, for example, asking for permission is a good idea.

lapushka
March 16th, 2019, 10:51 AM
If you don't copy and paste the messages as an exact quote but reformulate the advice, it should be fine. No one can own a piece of advice in the end. :) Of course, if the advice includes an example that is a personal story, for example, asking for permission is a good idea.

Yes, that is what I had shared, so I was panicking; I don't want that somewhere else. :o

leayellena
March 17th, 2019, 02:51 PM
Ok so here I posted it. If you are not ok with it I'll change it. http://leayellena.blogspot.com/2019/03/a-collection-of-advices-on-how-to.html

lapushka
March 17th, 2019, 04:53 PM
Ok so here I posted it. If you are not ok with it I'll change it. http://leayellena.blogspot.com/2019/03/a-collection-of-advices-on-how-to.html

Am I mistaken, or did you just literally copy/paste? :hmm: I'm sorry if you didn't but it looks like a list of messages. Like for instance Begemot's message is totally in there as the last item.

leayellena
March 18th, 2019, 03:22 AM
updated :)
I'd insert smth. about copyrights and those who invented them... not. k
here we go: https://leayellena.blogspot.com/2019/03/a-collection-of-advices-on-how-to.html

PS: thank you all for contribution and good advices :)