Quitting heat: if you need convincing, here's another testimonial

[SallySue]

I just wanted to put my recent experience out there for any styling addict who is struggling to give up heat. I used to use the flatiron pretty regularly (at least once a month) and always had split ends and breakage because of it. One year ago, I quit using the iron 100% (as well as quitting sulfates and silicones 90% of the time), and my hair had thanked me for it.

Last week I thought, since it had been a YEAR, I would reward myself by straightening my hair for Valentine's Day. I wanted to, for once, actually enjoy the length I had waited so long for. I did everything smart: I oiled, I conditioned. I thoroughly distributed my heat protectant. I air-dried to 70% before blow-drying on warm, then conditioned and oiled again on dry hair. I waited until the next day, reapplied heat protectant, and ironed on the lowest possible heat setting.

I'm not going to lie, my hair looks good straight. I received compliments, and for once could be perceived as the long, silky haired person I strived to be. However, it only took one heat relapse for my breakage to come back en masse. Splits and weak spots that had been hidden all year under a thick veneer of shea butter immediately came back to light. Y'all, the breakage was bad. Mind you, the top 6" of my hair is still very healthy, given that it has officially only seen direct heat once. Yet, even with all the extra protection and conditioning, my ends are done. I lost length everywhere. Everywhere! In one fell swoop, every. single. strand. lost ~1 to 5 cm to breakage.

So please, learn from my experience. I have hair thickness that I would describe as "baby fine" so YMMV, but it is so obvious now that heat damage is the #1 culprit for why I haven't been able to get much past BSL in two years. It ain't easy, but we should all learn to love the texture we were born with--or our hair will never be long!

[Aeonian]

I'm sorry you lost so much length, you would think that using a straightener once a year wouldn't cause so much damage. What are you going to do with the damaged ends?

[lapushka]

Yikes. White dots can stay on the hair without actually breaking for a long time, so I would grow them out slowly and microtrim.

I had breakage (the dreaded white dots) 1 inch or so from my root area when I was just shoulder length and I grew that "mess" out to hip length, then massive S&D thinned out my hair to half of its thickness (for real) and so we cut back from hip to BSL which is where it became thicker again.

You don't have to immediately cut it all off! You can grow and slowly trim.

I'm sorry the one time you used heat did such a number on your ends! Live & learn, right? :flower:

The best of luck to you on your journey!

[SallySue]

Well, all the ends that broke off were old and had been straightened many times prior to the last year. Going forward, I'll just keep sealing the ends with moisturizers so the damage doesn't show very much and S&D every couple months- same basic routine as last year. The damage will grow out with time. It's funny, when I hold my shed hairs up to the light I can see (and feel) the exact point where I stopped using heat. I've never bleached my hair, but the damage really is akin to that.

[amiraaah]

I’m sorry you lost length!. Using heat one time is still damaging for the hair. If you do not have any plan for your ends or you need advise, try microtrimming. It’s amazing! You will gain length while getting rid of split ends. I have had similar experience and lately i got rid of most of the heat damaged hair. You lost 1 to 5 cms now but your hair will grow so much longer than that and what is more important is that you learned a lesson. Just embrace your hair texture and know that any hair texture (if healthy) is amazing.

[cjk]

Last week I thought, since it had been a YEAR, I would reward myself by straightening my hair for Valentine's Day. I wanted to, for once, actually enjoy the length I had waited so long for.

...

I'm not going to lie, my hair looks good straight. I received compliments, and for once could be perceived as the long, silky haired person I strived to be.

...

It ain't easy, but we should all learn to love the texture we were born with--or our hair will never be long!

This may be an unpopular response but I feel it necessary to ask. Reading what you wrote, WHY do you want long hair? You come across as someone who really dislikes her natural hair, rather intently.

You rewarded yourself by getting rid of its texture. You finally got to look the way you wanted. And so forth.

Why?!

Natural hair texture can, and often is, beautiful. And particularly so when it's healthy. If you don't like the way your hair looks, why are you growing it?

I'm delighted that you finally understand the effect that heat has on your hair. I'm sorry that it was a hard learned lesson. And your last sentence has me very hopeful, about embracing your natural hair texture.

Welcome!

[lapushka]

This may be an unpopular response but I feel it necessary to ask. Reading what you wrote, WHY do you want long hair? You come across as someone who really dislikes her natural hair, rather intently.

You rewarded yourself by getting rid of its texture. You finally got to look the way you wanted. And so forth.

Why?!

Natural hair texture can, and often is, beautiful. And particularly so when it's healthy. If you don't like the way your hair looks, why are you growing it?

I'm delighted that you finally understand the effect that heat has on your hair. I'm sorry that it was a hard learned lesson. And your last sentence has me very hopeful, about embracing your natural hair texture.

Welcome!

cjk, I felt I needed to react to what you said here. Just straightening your hair "once" a year does not mean you don't love your natural texture. I think that's quite obvious. Some people, especially those with lots of texture, just want to straighten for a special occasion like a birthday or Valentine's or something like that.

[cjk]

cjk, I felt I needed to react to what you said here. Just straightening your hair "once" a year does not mean you don't love your natural texture. I think that's quite obvious. Some people, especially those with lots of texture, just want to straighten for a special occasion like a birthday or Valentine's or something like that.

And I respect that. In fact I agree with you!

But that's not what she said. That's why I included so many quotes.

It almost sounds like she doesn't actually like her hair. She rewards herself by making it look nice, wore it in a way she actually likes, which strongly implies that she thinks it usually looks bad.

If someone doesn't like their hair, why grow it long and have even more of it?

Written replies are always difficult, I didn't mean to give offense and hopefully none was perceived. But it was more than one phrase, there was a consistent thread winding its way through what she said.

I hope I'm just misreading it.

[lapushka]

I hope you are, because that's not the vibe I got from OP's message at all, cjk. :flower:

[SallySue]

cjk, None taken. This is a delicate topic, and not just for myself, so I will try to respond as thoughtfully as I can.

'Dislike' is a strong word, but suffice it to say my relationship with my own hair texture is complicated. The primary reason I want long hair is aesthetic, and most of my long hair role models, past and present, have straighter hair than mine. While I AM learning to embrace and even love the way my hair is naturally, it is a process that requires a lot of UN-learning of messaging I've received for my entire life. In the United States and particularly in the largely Anglo-Saxon area where I live, there's no denying that straight hair is dominant. Said messages that straight hair is, if not outright superior, then at least "The Default" have consistently come not only from mass media/pop culture, but also from my peer group and even from within my own family.

Not to mention the unrealistic standards that are established by the beauty industry. Turn on the TV and I guarantee you that 95% of the women's hair was styled with direct heat (flatiron, curling iron, or in lots of cases, both). Add on to this the fact that I came of age in the glory days of hair straightening (I was not alive for most of the 80s, unfortunately.) As much as I'd like to be immune to such standards, the stylists in the industry are very good at their jobs. If you haven't been personally targeted or impacted by these forces, consider yourself lucky, but do know that it is a real thing.

[cjk]

Well I'm a guy and 99% of the guys in media have hair that is either short or buzzed. Heck, bald is more common than long, even with characters like hippies and biker gangs. And if I see one more undercut...seriously.

Deprogramming is part of the process. And yes, learning not just to love yourself, but actually LIKE yourself too!

It makes me very happy that you're on the path to self acceptance.

Let me just point out that standing apart from the crowd, in this case having textured (curly?) hair, can be tough. It will make you draw attention. But the funny thing is that when you present yourself confidently, it is the standout who DESERVES the attention!

Nobody will remember the 10 women in little black dresses with straight hair, each indistinguishable from the next. They'll remember the lady in red with the flowing curly mane.

You've got their attention, lady...now use it to your advantage!

[SallySue]

Thanks for the encouragement and taking the time to see where I'm coming from. I fully agree that confidence is the most attractive thing, but gaining said confidence while living outside society's ideals (as a long-haired guy, too, you must understand) can take a bit of added effort.

[Aerya]

Thanks for sharing this! I've never used particularly much heat myself but I have been in the "just on a rare occasion won't hurt"-crowd and reading this makes me more certain that I'm right in quitting heat completely. I'm sorry you lost hair, but now you know, right? :)

And I have to agree with Lapushka, I didn't read your OP as not liking your hair. I think everyone likes switching things up once in a while, without them disliking how it usually is. Besides, when it comes to hair and feelings surrounding ut, we must acknowledge the social conditioning that comes with it. We are pretty much force-fed since birth that natural hair is bad and it must be styled, altered, in order to be good. Of course it's more complex than that and I don't mean to start a rant here, but not liking one's hair just really isn't as simple as it sounds. And I think it's great that you are working towards embracing your natural texture! It looks lovely <3

[lapushka]

Thanks for sharing this! I've never used particularly much heat myself but I have been in the "just on a rare occasion won't hurt"-crowd and reading this makes me more certain that I'm right in quitting heat completely. I'm sorry you lost hair, but now you know, right? :)

And I have to agree with Lapushka, I didn't read your OP as not liking your hair. I think everyone likes switching things up once in a while, without them disliking how it usually is. Besides, when it comes to hair and feelings surrounding ut, we must acknowledge the social conditioning that comes with it. We are pretty much force-fed since birth that natural hair is bad and it must be styled, altered, in order to be good. Of course it's more complex than that and I don't mean to start a rant here, but not liking one's hair just really isn't as simple as it sounds. And I think it's great that you are working towards embracing your natural texture! It looks lovely <3

I myself thought my hair was straight but just "difficult" when I was a teen. My texture changed age 13/14 when chunks of it fell out and grew back in wavy all of a sudden, from 1b/c to 2b/c in about a year to two years (when the bald patches had grown back) and I had no clue how to deal with it, so I blew it out every time, and then got so upset when I went to school in the fog in the morning and it frizzed up and poofed up and everyone else's hair seemed fine!

I really hated my hair so much that I crimped it every time it got washed. Every single time. A class picture was even taken and a few head-shots and it is that picture that my mom loves to carry in her wallet/purse. She loves it. I was 15/16 at the time.

I only really "learned" in my 30s! So it took me a long time; don't let it get so far that you are older or "too old" to still enjoy the natural texture. Enjoy it NOW!

Good luck on your journey!

[Khristopher]

I'm sorry for the damage you have do deal with now! I know how it feels, I had been heat free for six years, and last year I heat-styled once and my ends were trashed (I made a thread to rant about it too, in the same hope as you, to warn people about the damage). And I agree about the peer presure to have straight, silky, curtain style hair society puts women on. Also agree with cjk, men have it hard too! Best thing you can do is being ok with yourself, be comfortable in your skin, and pay no attention to what 'should be'.
Have you made some deep treatment or heavy oiling, SallySue?

[SallySue]

Khristopher, that's totally validating to hear, but also kind of sad. 6 years?! Your ends must have been ancient by that time, though, so it's not entirely surprising.

And yes- the flatironing craze not only affected women with curly or frizzy hair. In my high school nearly everyone ironed the life out of their hair, even if it was already naturally straight (?!) But mine never looked sleek or pin-straight, it would always find a way to reach back up to the heavens after a couple hours. :doh:

The irony is that properly moisturized hair *is* shiny and sleek, so those heat tools we thought were so necessary to achieve the look we wanted never were in the first place.

And yes, since starting on my journey toward healthy hair, I will now typically pre-poo with heavy oil and/or deep condition once a week!

[amiraaah]

I agree with you sallysue society portrays straight hair as the perfect hair.As if healthy and soft hair means only having straight hair while other hair types are frizzy and unhealthy. Even people with straight hair use the flat iron which is insane. My cousin has pin-straight hair but still uses the flat iron daily. See most of the youtubers who already have pin straight hair use heat too. I encourage you to see some pictures of people who have long and healthy similar hair type like yours. This will inspire you ❤️

[MoonRabbit]

I've been heat free since 2015. I said I would allow myself to straighten my hair just once more when I hit classic. I'm only a few inches away now.

Though your reaction did make me rethink for a second, imma still risk it.

[luxurioushair]

Thanks so much for sharing, OP. Just in case I was even starting to consider flat ironing after 5 years, you have reminded me that it's not needed and not even worth it. I'm happy with how my hair looks when stretched, and I should never flat iron it, ever. Especially because it's fine.

[blackgothicdoll]

Thanks for sharing. I can absolutely relate to what you are going through, SO MUCH. Even when I use heat once, carefully, I get breakage, especially since I'm also recovering from past heat damage and damage from dye. I think I mentioned in another thread you responded to that I had been a 'heat-tamed natural' for the entire time my hair has been natural (9 years). I wish I had a positive testimony, but I don't. I can just relate to the struggle of curly hair in a world where it is not the 'beauty standard', or hair that is not considered 'professional' or 'attractive', in my case. Different phrasing, same challenges with confidence. Just try imagining your hair in a few years with love and care, how long and gorgeous your curls will be and how special and unique you are. Though it's hard to picture or predict exactly how it will look, sometimes thinking of the long-term result is reassuring. I try to do this to dissuade my heat.

If that doesn't work, and this may be difficult, throw out your flat-iron and blow dryer (or just hide them at a friend's house :o )

[kph12]

cjk, None taken. This is a delicate topic, and not just for myself, so I will try to respond as thoughtfully as I can.

'Dislike' is a strong word, but suffice it to say my relationship with my own hair texture is complicated. The primary reason I want long hair is aesthetic, and most of my long hair role models, past and present, have straighter hair than mine. While I AM learning to embrace and even love the way my hair is naturally, it is a process that requires a lot of UN-learning of messaging I've received for my entire life. In the United States and particularly in the largely Anglo-Saxon area where I live, there's no denying that straight hair is dominant. Said messages that straight hair is, if not outright superior, then at least "The Default" have consistently come not only from mass media/pop culture, but also from my peer group and even from within my own family.

Not to mention the unrealistic standards that are established by the beauty industry. Turn on the TV and I guarantee you that 95% of the women's hair was styled with direct heat (flatiron, curling iron, or in lots of cases, both). Add on to this the fact that I came of age in the glory days of hair straightening (I was not alive for most of the 80s, unfortunately.) As much as I'd like to be immune to such standards, the stylists in the industry are very good at their jobs. If you haven't been personally targeted or impacted by these forces, consider yourself lucky, but do know that it is a real thing.

This is so relatable to me. I have curly hair as well. I used to straighten (at least partly) every single day. I'm down to about two or three times a month now. I've never blow dried though which i think has been helpful. But i still can't kick the desire to look sleek and put together on the weekends. I'm learning to like my natural texture, especially because it's so healthy now, but it's still a daily struggle. Sometimes I just wish I had straighter hair because it would just be so much easier.

[lapushka]

Thanks for sharing. I can absolutely relate to what you are going through, SO MUCH. Even when I use heat once, carefully, I get breakage, especially since I'm also recovering from past heat damage and damage from dye. I think I mentioned in another thread you responded to that I had been a 'heat-tamed natural' for the entire time my hair has been natural (9 years). I wish I had a positive testimony, but I don't. I can just relate to the struggle of curly hair in a world where it is not the 'beauty standard', or hair that is not considered 'professional' or 'attractive', in my case. Different phrasing, same challenges with confidence. Just try imagining your hair in a few years with love and care, how long and gorgeous your curls will be and how special and unique you are. Though it's hard to picture or predict exactly how it will look, sometimes thinking of the long-term result is reassuring. I try to do this to dissuade my heat.

If that doesn't work, and this may be difficult, throw out your flat-iron and blow dryer (or just hide them at a friend's house :o )

You know who you remind me of. JMarie here on YT. She is always so creative with her protective styles, and no "pulling" or "tugging" or tight styles either. I'll link her. Maybe you can find some inspiration in her channel. She does not post often though.
https://www.youtube.com/user/missthis897

[BerrySara]

I too can totally relate. My whole life I have worn my hair in some altered state, whether as a young tweenager where I would flat iron every day or chemically straighten it for over 15 years starting when I was 17 so that I could like my hair. It wasn't until my early 30s that I decided this just cant go on. I didn't start liking my natural texture right away by any means, I just felt out of options - I had to grow out some terribly damaged thinned out hair and I vowed to just stop mistreating it.

What truly helped me to see beauty in my natural texture was to stop idolizing celebrities and women who had hair textures different than mine. Truly. It honestly wasn't serving me in any way because it was unattainable without a lot of effort. Instead I searched and started looking up to women who had impressive manes with hair texture just like mine, not looser nor tighter. That's all I would expose myself to for a little while until I adjusted my sense of what is beautiful. I didn't have to do that forever to see a change, just for some time.

Being conscious of what we expose our minds to makes a big different. In today's world we are constantly bombarded with thousands of adds, commercials, magazines etc TELLING us how to think and what to like. But..we do have some power over that by choosing what we look at. Cut out things that do not serve you. If you want to be invested in social media, follow youtubers, celebrities, instagramers who are rocking it (with gorgeous long hair if that's your goal) but who look more like or have similar texture to you and it truly can change ones perspective. It can be very powerful. Just my two cents.

[elfynity]

I just wanted to put my recent experience out there for any styling addict who is struggling to give up heat. I used to use the flatiron pretty regularly (at least once a month) and always had split ends and breakage because of it. One year ago, I quit using the iron 100% (as well as quitting sulfates and silicones 90% of the time), and my hair had thanked me for it.

Last week I thought, since it had been a YEAR, I would reward myself by straightening my hair for Valentine's Day. I wanted to, for once, actually enjoy the length I had waited so long for. I did everything smart: I oiled, I conditioned. I thoroughly distributed my heat protectant. I air-dried to 70% before blow-drying on warm, then conditioned and oiled again on dry hair. I waited until the next day, reapplied heat protectant, and ironed on the lowest possible heat setting.

I'm not going to lie, my hair looks good straight. I received compliments, and for once could be perceived as the long, silky haired person I strived to be. However, it only took one heat relapse for my breakage to come back en masse. Splits and weak spots that had been hidden all year under a thick veneer of shea butter immediately came back to light. Y'all, the breakage was bad. Mind you, the top 6" of my hair is still very healthy, given that it has officially only seen direct heat once. Yet, even with all the extra protection and conditioning, my ends are done. I lost length everywhere. Everywhere! In one fell swoop, every. single. strand. lost ~1 to 5 cm to breakage.

So please, learn from my experience. I have hair thickness that I would describe as "baby fine" so YMMV, but it is so obvious now that heat damage is the #1 culprit for why I haven't been able to get much past BSL in two years. It ain't easy, but we should all learn to love the texture we were born with--or our hair will never be long!

Hi SallySue, I guess when I read your post I was pretty amazed at the similarity of our journeys. I also started my restoration hair thing last year, no more heat, no more silicones and sulphates. I also have very fine, quite thin 2c ish hair. I would freak out if I saw damage after heat ironing. So, just a few things - you know microtrimming could change everything for you - it did for me. Chop off those bad bits a little bit at a time, and you will see your hair will actually gain length faster. And my trick is to brush my hair while my hair is still soaked and conditioned with a wide toothed something to straighten it while it is drying. It doesn't come out 'deadly' straight, but it also isn't that rats-tail curly look either.

[sophia_]

I guess the grass is always greener, I could never for the life of me understand why someone would want straight hair because I was always trying to get mine to be anything but straight. It's less *pin straight* than it used to be (for some reason, I don't know what changed), but I still have never understood the appeal of having straight hair. I used to try aimlessly to curl it daily for years, and it would fall straight after a couple hours at most, yet I did it day after day! I'm very reluctant to learn, lol. Braidwaves stay, which I like better than limp straightness, but I wear my hair up everyday so I don't think about it too much anymore.