Massive breakage

[Rebeccalaurenxx]

Hello all
After being gone for a few months, i went through a period of depression and i was not caring for my hair as much as i usually did.
I have been stuck at the same length since last year but its because i am dealing with massive breakage.
The depression just wrecked my hair bad, 4" up the length is just splits and white dots and bent ends with white dots.
Its not good. I am almost debating on cutting back up to waist just to get rid of some of it.
But its taken me so long to get here...everyday is just a struggle though, my hair is always tangled, always matted.
Its getting bothersome. I cant wear it down, it breaking and tangled, im just starting to hate my hair and really question why I am growing it long.
Because i dont enjoy it and when i try to it just breaks apart.

Has anyone else gone through this? I just want to reach tailbone..

[Cate36]

Olaplex.. olaplex.. get olaplex. The thing that stopped my breakage.. Olaplex 3 initially, but if you can get 2 go for that. Put on your hair over night, wash off next day. I use that in combination with Khair-pep (google it, but also info on this forum).. both stopped my breakage.. well worth trying!!

[Rebeccalaurenxx]

Olaplex.. olaplex.. get olaplex. The thing that stopped my breakage.. Olaplex 3 initially, but if you can get 2 go for that. Put on your hair over night, wash off next day. I use that in combination with Khair-pep (google it, but also info on this forum).. both stopped my breakage.. well worth trying!!

I tried it once and within 3 days my hair was getting tangled and such. I didnt try overnight.. i guess I can try that next.
It just didnt last very long.

[Cate36]

I tried it once and within 3 days my hair was getting tangled and such. I didnt try overnight.. i guess I can try that next.
It just didnt last very long.

Did you condition after it? The longer on the better.. but maybe your hair needs more of a protein treatment? Take a look at Khair-pep..? http://www.khairpep.com/ Many people love this product.. is a best seller here in Aust.... Hang in there.. there are solutions... Xo

[Rebeccalaurenxx]

Did you condition after it? The longer on the better.. but maybe your hair needs more of a protein treatment? Take a look at Khair-pep..? http://www.khairpep.com/ Many people love this product.. is a best seller here in Aust.... Hang in there.. there are solutions... Xo

Yes i did.

I really cant afford to buy more treatments and expensive hair products right now but thanks for the rec.

[milosmomma]

I had alot of bleach and dye damage that I grew out and did a big chop from hip to chin and it was freeing but I also felt naked lol. Same as you it was white dots, splits galore and bent right angle ends. Would dread itself if i turned my head too quickly. I grew it out and held onto it for over a year to grow my virgin hair to chin and cut it all out. But I do kinda wish I would have went it smaller increments. I would just say stew it over before making a decision because emotional/depression spur of the moment cuts almost always end in regret.

[Reyn127]

I’m sorry you’ve been having troubles with your depression, try to hang in there.

For your hair, how about some S&D? You don’t necessarily have to cut way back if your ends are in rough shape. A lot of the time, it’s actually less breakage than it appears to yourself, even if it is a lot. And if you do decide to trim, I’d say do 2 inches, or maybe even 1, to start off with. Every little bit could make a big difference.

Good luck. :grouphug:

[Alila]

I haven't gone through something like that and I'm very sorry that you have to.
You are not alone though. The lhc is here to help you.

First I'd recommend putting on a movie and s&d-ing out all the damage. There is no use in keeping split ends.

This should take care of at least some of the tangling in your ends. Split and damaged hair likes to stick to oneanother.
When you're done with s&d-ing you can still decide if you want to trim a bit.

After you've taken care of your ends it's time to eliminate the other causes for why your hair is "always tangeld".
Maybe your hair just wants some different products. Or it doesn't like some of the ingredients you are using. You could try a coney conditioner. Or if you're already using one, try to clarify your hair. For me just using shampoo all over does the trick. This helps against product buildup and against hard water. Be sure to condition afterwards though.

I'll admit I dont know a lot about depression. I kind of imagine a lot of lying in bed. Maybe invest in a silk pillowcase to minimize future damage?

I'm just kind off shooting in the dark though since I dont know anything about the history of your hair and about your hair care routine.

[mica]

I'm sorry you are going through that, depression is a real pain in the a** :grouphug:
I second Reyn127 with the S&D. It can be time consuming, but in a way that's the beauty of it, you can see the time you are spending on it as a moment of self care. However if you do decide to cut back to waist, try to do it from a positive mindset, knowing you are doing it so you can enjoy your long hair more in a day to day basis. Whatever you decide, try to make it about yourself and what's better for your mental health and happiness. When we are depressed it's too easy to see the negative side of things, and blame ourselves instead of being compassionate. Hang in there :flower:

[ArabellaRose]

What are you doing for your hair right now? What sort of products do you use?

I echo doing a S&D, I do monthly S&D's followed by a microtrim, that way I'm still gaining length but also getting rid of damage and allowing thickness to travel down the lengths.

[Begemot]

Similar thing happened to me too. Apparently depression and anxiety will be my companions for life. My most recent bout of depression started about a year ago and I didn't care about my hair (or much anything) anymore. Barely managed to shower regularly so my special hair care routine got forgotten. I chose to cut my hair to shoulder length and I don't regret it, even though I'm so hungry for long hair right now. I have bleach damage but my hair feels fine at this length and it was sort of fun to try shorter hair again after such a long time being a long hair lover. I do S&D regularly because it calms me. If I were you I'd probably get a small trim and do heavy S&D sessions. Then wear it up until I would feel better about life and hair. If the damage is just too much... maybe it's better to cut ends and keep growing with less damaged and tangled hair :shrug: then you might feel better about your hair since you could wear it down more? You'll get to your goal length, sooner or later! Just take good care of yourself in the mean while :blossom:

[Obsidian]

I know you've been having issues with your hair for quite some time and have been unhappy with it. Have you questioned why you want TBL? If you are unhappy with long hair, why do you want that particular length?
Sometimes I think people get hung up on a certain goal even though its not something they would enjoy. Not saying you should cut it back, just to take a deeper look at your reasoning's for perusing something that is making you so unhappy.

I've decided to stop trying to grow my hair. I'm going to enjoy it instead of stressing about the length. Its currently shaved and I've been playing with color. I'm thinking about bleaching the holy heck out of it too while its so short.
If somewhere along the lines it gets long or at least longer then I normally grow it, then so be it. If I end up shaving it every spring, well thats ok too. Worrying about length, health and thickness was getting too stressful.

[lapushka]

I know you've been having issues with your hair for quite some time and have been unhappy with it. Have you questioned why you want TBL? If you are unhappy with long hair, why do you want that particular length?
Sometimes I think people get hung up on a certain goal even though its not something they would enjoy. Not saying you should cut it back, just to take a deeper look at your reasoning's for perusing something that is making you so unhappy.

I've decided to stop trying to grow my hair. I'm going to enjoy it instead of stressing about the length. Its currently shaved and I've been playing with color. I'm thinking about bleaching the holy heck out of it too while its so short.
If somewhere along the lines it gets long or at least longer then I normally grow it, then so be it. If I end up shaving it every spring, well thats ok too. Worrying about length, health and thickness was getting too stressful.

Can I say? :o I kind of saw that coming. I wisely decided to shut up about it after you were showing you didn't want any meddling in the color department. :lol: To remind you, I was saying at the time that I went through color changes as fast as you did and managed *not* to grow my hair but ended up with a lot of damage. I'm guessing that is something you didn't want to hear at the time. :flower: But it's nice that you made a decision because I saw you literally struggle with henna, no henna, bleach, blonde, henna, no henna, etc. and each time you cut it back and it seemed to get shorter instead of longer.

But we all have our struggles, with life, hair, we are more than just our hair in the end.

In that sense I agree TOTALLY ^^ with what you are saying. Maybe right now health (own) and hair's health is more important over length. In the end it's just "another" thing to stress about! And you don't need that at all while going through a tough time!

[nycelle]

If you're asking if anyone else went through that much breakage, then yes.. for many different reasons. There's not much you can do other than to baby it, trim and/or S&D until the damage is gone. If it's really frustrating you, then cut it back to BSL or waist and start over.

Thing is, you seem to have many episodes of depression, and one of your symptoms is you stop taking care of yourself. For that, you need to go deeper than hair (yes, I know you know.. but it's got to be said anyway) and see a pro that can teach you coping mechanisms.
I've seen my best friend battle it her entire life, I also have a family member who has severe depression - only thing that gets them lasting results is seeing someone that knows how to help.

I wish you the best, and sincerely hope you feel much better.. :beerchug:

[nycelle]

Can I say? :o I kind of saw that coming. I wisely decided to shut up about it after you were showing you didn't want any meddling in the color department. :lol: To remind you, I was saying at the time that I went through color changes as fast as you did and managed *not* to grow my hair but ended up with a lot of damage. I'm guessing that is something you didn't want to hear at the time. :flower: But it's nice that you made a decision because I saw you literally struggle with henna, no henna, bleach, blonde, henna, no henna, etc. and each time you cut it back and it seemed to get shorter instead of longer.

But we all have our struggles, with life, hair, we are more than just our hair in the end.

In that sense I agree TOTALLY ^^ with what you are saying. Maybe right now health (own) and hair's health is more important over length. In the end it's just "another" thing to stress about! And you don't need that at all while going through a tough time!

and yet.. you're saying it now....

[Dark40]

I'm so sorry to hear that you're going through that. I agree with ArabellaRose. Do monthly S&D's followed by a microtrim, that way you are still gaining length but also getting rid of damage and allowing thickness to travel down the lengths. For several months I've been suffering with a lot of stress, and it caused me to go through a long stall. My hair stayed at MBL for almost a whole year but no more stress for me, and now it's growing. What kind of products are you using?

[Ophidian]

I’m sorry you’re dealing with this :grouphug:

What’s your routine like? How do you wear your hair during the day and while you sleep?

[Rebeccalaurenxx]

I’m sorry you’re dealing with this :grouphug:

What’s your routine like? How do you wear your hair during the day and while you sleep?

Well, I was doing LOC for a long time, and was continuing to do it although i was wearing my hair down a lot more.
When the depression was really bad I just didnt have energy to put my hair up, just kind of let it hang and do what it wanted.
Even if it meant tangles, some days I would have a giant knot at my nape, every once in awhile I would detangle the knot, and would have a mouse sized ball of hair to show for it. Eventually the knot will come back and i would be so depressed and stressed i would just leave it for several days.
I know its bad, i just didnt have the energy. I should have just worn my hair up but i didnt and now i think im paying the price.
Lately I have been wearing it in a ponytail or a bun with a silk scrunchie, i dont like hair sticks or forks and stopped wearing them 6 months ago.
I deep condition with every wash, or try to at least. My hair seems to hate the cheap products, I washed it with SLS last night and then did LOC with devacurl products and my hair is way less tangled, it also responds to olaplex too. I cant tell if its a moisture or protein problem but it frustrates me, because when i use things like garnier, cantu, NYM, hask.. i get the worst tangles. But not when I use devacurl. I dont know why.

I trim every month, or try to at least, just a dusting. I was periodically doing s&d but i was afraid of thinning my ends and theyre already thin to begin with so every once in awhile i take a mm or 2 off the ends but it doesnt really help at all.

I know i just need to wear my hair up more often - but it gives me headaches and then i have no energy so motivation to wear buns is just not here right now.

[Rebeccalaurenxx]

If you're asking if anyone else went through that much breakage, then yes.. for many different reasons. There's not much you can do other than to baby it, trim and/or S&D until the damage is gone. If it's really frustrating you, then cut it back to BSL or waist and start over.

Thing is, you seem to have many episodes of depression, and one of your symptoms is you stop taking care of yourself. For that, you need to go deeper than hair (yes, I know you know.. but it's got to be said anyway) and see a pro that can teach you coping mechanisms.
I've seen my best friend battle it her entire life, I also have a family member who has severe depression - only thing that gets them lasting results is seeing someone that knows how to help.

I wish you the best, and sincerely hope you feel much better.. :beerchug:

Unfortunately since leaving my job I no longer have health insurance. So seeing someone just isnt in the cards right now.
I was for a short time going to a counseling clinic but its run by students, not licensed professionals (which is why it was 5$ a session) so i couldnt get medication, a diagnosis, it was really just a person to vent to. And i already have people to talk to about my problems so.
When i was living with my parents I saw someone for a short time, it was 200$ a month to see someone and i was seeing her for several months and saw 0 improvement. I need to see a CBT and get on zoloft but until I can afford to get on ACA or Cobra, I just dont see this being a reality. Its unfortunate.

[Ylva]

When i was living with my parents I saw someone for a short time, it was 200$ a month to see someone and i was seeing her for several months and saw 0 improvement.

I have been granted access to government-supported therapy for 3 years. I am now through 1 year and I can say that I am only just starting to notice some improvement, but the real improvements don't usually come until the final year. Sure it depends on one's individual issues as well, but I just wanted to give an indication of what to perhaps expect. A few months into therapy is... not that much.

[Rebeccalaurenxx]

I have been granted access to government-supported therapy for 3 years. I am now through 1 year and I can say that I am only just starting to notice some improvement, but the real improvements don't usually come until the final year. Sure it depends on one's individual issues as well, but I just wanted to give an indication of what to perhaps expect. A few months into therapy is... not that much.

I saw her for 3 months.
I saw another before her for 2.
And I saw a family councilor through my home city clinic for 2 years straight before that. The family councilor was the longest person I saw, and it was 0 help.
And then once I left school, it was like, that was it. The girl I was seeing, couldnt see me anymore after seeing her for 2 years and I had to see someone else.
They asked if I wanted to keep going to the meetings even though my councilor was changing and I said no, it was 2 years of talking to this woman, with 0 change just to be told that I now had to see someone else. That was when I gave up on seeing someone consistently.
Every single person that was supposed to "help" was always just a body that would listen to my talking for an hour 2 times a week.
I have just never seen benefits from therapy, and unfortunately it doesnt work for everyone.

[Ylva]

I saw her for 3 months.
I saw another before her for 2.
And I saw a family councilor through my home city clinic for 2 years straight before that. The family councilor was the longest person I saw, and it was 0 help.
And then once I left school, it was like, that was it. The girl I was seeing, couldnt see me anymore after seeing her for 2 years and I had to see someone else.
They asked if I wanted to keep going to the meetings even though my councilor was changing and I said no, it was 2 years of talking to this woman, with 0 change just to be told that I now had to see someone else. That was when I gave up on seeing someone consistently.
Every single person that was supposed to "help" was always just a body that would listen to my talking for an hour 2 times a week.
I have just never seen benefits from therapy, and unfortunately it doesnt work for everyone.

It doesn't sound like very good therapy in my opinion if it's just you talking the whole time and the therapist is just listening, not asking any questions, not getting you to think about stuff and trying to "make sense" of it all.

[cathair]

I've not been paying my hair as much attention as usual due to life happening. I'm just starting to sort it out a bit now. This week I did an hour's S&D, then took 1.5 inches of it. I will probably do the same again next month with a smaller trim, which isn't far away now.

I find at the moment the only way I can put my hair up without it hurting is with a lightweight fork with at least three prongs. It distributes weight better. Even spin pins aren't that comfortable right now.

Failing that, in a bun that isn't fixed then under a beanie hat works okay, it all stays put. It helps me on really low energy days. If it's combed great, if it's not it will survive and probably not get any worse.

If it's got really tangly, I won't finger comb it dry. I do much less damage jumping in the shower and letting conditioner work.

Those are my current strategies, I hope you find some that work for you.

[spidermom]

Well I'm going to swim against the stream here and tell you to stay far-far away from S&D. It's depressing!

I urge you to give careful consideration as to why you're holding onto long hair that seems to give you no pleasure. A new look can be very refreshing!

Best wishes to you. It seems there's been a lot of distressing situations going on, and I applaud you for hanging on as well as you have. You need a break, and I hope one is coming your way soon.

[lapushka]

Well I'm going to swim against the stream here and tell you to stay far-far away from S&D. It's depressing

If there's a lot of splits & white dots, I would not S&D either but rather go for a good trim. If it's about half the hair, you are going to thin it out severely for one, and for the other... it's a *chore* doing half of your hair, and if you're not feeling well as it is - oh no, just don't do it! I don't know how long my mom took when she did my hair, but she was busy for a couple hours, and then we did end up cutting it from hip to BSL because it was just so thin after S&D (half the hair gone, it was extensive damage).

I'm with spidermom on this! ^^


I also just want to wish you all the best, and wish you well. I hope it goes uphill from here on out! :grouphug:

[Rebeccalaurenxx]

It doesn't sound like very good therapy in my opinion if it's just you talking the whole time and the therapist is just listening, not asking any questions, not getting you to think about stuff and trying to "make sense" of it all.

Yeah and unfortunately I just cant afford better care.

So I distract myself with exercise, work, hobbies and tattooing. Its better time spent, rather than going into an office.
While I was working, I had kaiser, and I thought about seeing someone. My GP recommended I give zoloft and therapy a try.
Referred me to the mental health office, I tried to book appointments and nobody would answer my call.
I couldnt even get the inital period started, it really discouraged me even more.

So now I just focus the energy I do have on things I enjoy doing.
Drawing every day, is really helping me.

[Rebeccalaurenxx]

Well I'm going to swim against the stream here and tell you to stay far-far away from S&D. It's depressing!

I urge you to give careful consideration as to why you're holding onto long hair that seems to give you no pleasure. A new look can be very refreshing!

Best wishes to you. It seems there's been a lot of distressing situations going on, and I applaud you for hanging on as well as you have. You need a break, and I hope one is coming your way soon.

I mean, I love my hair when its looking good and not breaking off.
I cant tell if its my depression telling me that my hair looks worse than it actually does. Or if it looks as gross as I think it looks.

And its hard because most other people IRL tell me to cut my hair. My mom at christmas asked me when i was going to get a trim.
I guess my ends really look bad, and its moments like that, that really fuel the idea that my hair is damaged and ugly.

I hate my hair because no matter what it just looks terrible due to breakage
But I am attached to the length.

[Ylva]

How do you feel about posting a pic of your hair here? The members are sure to give you their honest opinions. :flower:

[blackgothicdoll]

I saw her for 3 months.
I saw another before her for 2.
And I saw a family councilor through my home city clinic for 2 years straight before that. The family councilor was the longest person I saw, and it was 0 help.
And then once I left school, it was like, that was it. The girl I was seeing, couldnt see me anymore after seeing her for 2 years and I had to see someone else.
They asked if I wanted to keep going to the meetings even though my councilor was changing and I said no, it was 2 years of talking to this woman, with 0 change just to be told that I now had to see someone else. That was when I gave up on seeing someone consistently.
Every single person that was supposed to "help" was always just a body that would listen to my talking for an hour 2 times a week.
I have just never seen benefits from therapy, and unfortunately it doesnt work for everyone.

I'm only chiming in here because I understand what you're experiencing. I always say counselling is worth trying, but it doesn't work for everyone. I had your similar experience; it just kind of felt like I was paying somebody to whine at - and since my biggest flaw was insecurity, I just felt like I was being judged by a total stranger who could never understand my entire life's worth of baggage in 20 minute sessions. It's not very helpful, especially if you have people you can whine at for free. If a counselor isn't actually paying attention to your issues and making suggestions you haven't heard before, it's not really something that you need. Especially if money and insurance are problems.

Of course, I would not in the least bit discourage you from continuing to pursue it if you feel it will help. I do not want to directly dissuade medication, but if you are feeling suicidal, then it may be for you. If not, then I do see it can sometimes simply be a bandaid that can have very ill long-term effects... I've experienced this, too. What I would recommend, if you can spare even just $10 for a book on dialectal behavioral therapy, or look online for sources that can walk you through it. I find that in some cases of depression, it is a mental thing and not a medical thing, if that makes sense? Meaning medication to increase serotonin does not exactly improve the reasons why you feel poorly. Finding the ability to learn how to cope with those feelings is the most important thing, since just 'fixing your life' isn't a realistic expectation for anyone. It sounds like you have outlets such as gym and art, which is great, but learning how to speak to yourself and understand your feelings, slowly unravel them and analyze them, then find the best way to re-mediate them is what, in my experience, is a very important thing to learn when it comes down to it.

Again, not a doctor, not making any hard recommendations, just sharing some things from my own experience and hoping that, if it fits, it can help you a bit. Depression is definitely not a one-size-fits-all ball and chain.

Anyhow, I do agree that when your hair is damaged past the point of no return, a trim (maybe start with a really small one, something not too drastic?) can bring you some optimism. It is also symbolic of cutting out bad things and getting a new start, which can be cathartic in its own way.

I don't know your entire story but I understand you're having a hard time. I can't promise things will magically get better, but I can assure you that you can feel better and there will always be a light at the end of the tunnel, but the way to that light is through your own eyes. Art is a wonderful way to find that. I hope the best for you. :)

[Rebeccalaurenxx]

How do you feel about posting a pic of your hair here? The members are sure to give you their honest opinions. :flower:
i havent posted photos of my hair in a long while but here is the current state:

https://i.postimg.cc/Wb0CdZBc/IMG-2528.jpg
https://i.postimg.cc/YC3P3H2X/IMG-2531.jpg

As you can see, its thin around APL, I cant tell if its a texture thing or breakage thing. But the hair from that point on has the most damage from what I can tell.

[Dark40]

I mean, I love my hair when its looking good and not breaking off.
I cant tell if its my depression telling me that my hair looks worse than it actually does. Or if it looks as gross as I think it looks.

And its hard because most other people IRL tell me to cut my hair. My mom at christmas asked me when i was going to get a trim.
I guess my ends really look bad, and its moments like that, that really fuel the idea that my hair is damaged and ugly.

I hate my hair because no matter what it just looks terrible due to breakage
But I am attached to the length.

Do you have photos of what your hair looks like now? It sounds like it to me that your mom is giving you a hard time telling you you need a trim. You may not even need a trim. I would ignore her if I were you. I really hate others telling me I need a trim or a hair cut knowing that I don't want to cut it, and I'm trying to grow out long. To me, your hair looks fine. But I do see what you're saying about it appearing thin at APL. It might be stress that's causing your hair breakage. Because, I know when I'm under a lot of stress I loose a lot of hair too.

[blackgothicdoll]

Hmmm, to me it looks kind of like texture, since your ends look like they are clumping, but I'm not totally sure. Maybe someone else can chime in? How does it look when you comb it out?

I would not want to cut that much either.

[Cate36]

i havent posted photos of my hair in a long while but here is the current state:

https://i.postimg.cc/Wb0CdZBc/IMG-2528.jpg
https://i.postimg.cc/YC3P3H2X/IMG-2531.jpg

As you can see, its thin around APL, I cant tell if its a texture thing or breakage thing. But the hair from that point on has the most damage from what I can tell.

I recognise this.. tit's my hair from about the same place down when naked.. except mine is thinner at the top and a little longer than yours. Olaplex did stop my breakage.. You hair is BEAUTIFUL! I promise.. I can see the breakage, but against clothes it won't look as bad.. against skin it always looks scary..

[milosmomma]

I think your hair still looks good, I actually like fairy tale type ends. But if they are not making you happy the way they are then how about microtrims and maintaining until the thickness travels down?

[Gaelic Girl]

Hello all
After being gone for a few months, i went through a period of depression and i was not caring for my hair as much as i usually did.
I have been stuck at the same length since last year but its because i am dealing with massive breakage.
The depression just wrecked my hair bad, 4" up the length is just splits and white dots and bent ends with white dots.
Its not good. I am almost debating on cutting back up to waist just to get rid of some of it.
But its taken me so long to get here...everyday is just a struggle though, my hair is always tangled, always matted.
Its getting bothersome. I cant wear it down, it breaking and tangled, im just starting to hate my hair and really question why I am growing it long.
Because i dont enjoy it and when i try to it just breaks apart.

Has anyone else gone through this? I just want to reach tailbone..

I`m so sorry you are going through this! I know it may not be possible...but if it is...as tonight is Friday............load your hair with oils..coconut, olive..whatever...saturate it...braid it..put in a plastic bag and do not take down or wash out till
Sunday night if you work Monday...or as long as you can. It will feel weird...but this is the only thing that stopped the snarls and re-hydrated my hair..leaving it in oil and reapplying for about 5 days. Good l luck. I hope it all goes well for you.

Blessings and hugs, GG

[Rebeccalaurenxx]

I`m so sorry you are going through this! I know it may not be possible...but if it is...as tonight is Friday............load your hair with oils..coconut, olive..whatever...saturate it...braid it..put in a plastic bag and do not take down or wash out till
Sunday night if you work Monday...or as long as you can. It will feel weird...but this is the only thing that stopped the snarls and re-hydrated my hair..leaving it in oil and reapplying for about 5 days. Good l luck. I hope it all goes well for you.

Blessings and hugs, GG

Unfortunately my hair does not really like oil.

[Ophidian]

I was thinking about oiling too. If you have a favorite on hand (doesn't need to be fancy), maybe keeping the length oiled between washes, at least the ends, could protect and lubricate any damaged parts so they feel less snaggy to buy you some time until you're ready to evaluate your hair without the depression glasses on.

ETA: just saw your last post when I hit submit, so never mind if you've already tried enough to know that it's not just that your hair doesn't like a certain type of oil. Hrm.... and you've tried LOC... and you have trouble leaving your hair up for long periods of time... I'm just trying to think of things that might temporarily get your mind off the texture until you decide if and how much you want to trim. From a purely visual standpoint, fwiw, I think it looks just fine. I like fairytale ends.

ETA 2: Just thinking out loud here... does clarifying/chelating help? Can you find any similarities in the products your hair likes vs. the ones it doesn't (ingredients/types etc)? Have you tried something like a coney serum in place of oil? Are there any styles that you find both comfortable and aesthetically tolerable? Have you tried a detangling leave-in like Kinky Curly Knot Today (I know it's on the $$ side but I hear a little goes a long way)? I'm just trying to get a sense of what does work for you. Even just throw me some product names - I like comparing lables ;)

[Rebeccalaurenxx]

I was thinking about oiling too. If you have a favorite on hand (doesn't need to be fancy), maybe keeping the length oiled between washes, at least the ends, could protect and lubricate any damaged parts so they feel less snaggy to buy you some time until you're ready to evaluate your hair without the depression glasses on.

ETA: just saw your last post when I hit submit, so never mind if you've already tried enough to know that it's not just that your hair doesn't like a certain type of oil. Hrm.... and you've tried LOC... and you have trouble leaving your hair up for long periods of time... I'm just trying to think of things that might temporarily get your mind off the texture until you decide if and how much you want to trim. From a purely visual standpoint, fwiw, I think it looks just fine. I like fairytale ends.

ETA 2: Just thinking out loud here... does clarifying/chelating help? Can you find any similarities in the products your hair likes vs. the ones it doesn't (ingredients/types etc)? Have you tried something like a coney serum in place of oil? Are there any styles that you find both comfortable and aesthetically tolerable? Have you tried a detangling leave-in like Kinky Curly Knot Today (I know it's on the $$ side but I hear a little goes a long way)? I'm just trying to get a sense of what does work for you. Even just throw me some product names - I like comparing lables ;)

1. does clarifying/chelating help?
Not really. I dont notice a huge difference.
2. Can you find any similarities in the products your hair likes vs. the ones it doesn't (ingredients/types etc)?
Not so far.
3. Have you tried something like a coney serum in place of oil?
Yes, my hair does not like cones, I get build up within 1-2 uses.
4. Are there any styles that you find both comfortable and aesthetically tolerable?
Low buns, but honestly no. I dont like most updos, they tend to all be super uncomfortable and I end up pulling them down.
5. Have you tried a detangling leave-in like Kinky Curly Knot Today (I know it's on the $$ side but I hear a little goes a long way)?
I currently own the curling custard, my hair hates it.
6. I'm just trying to get a sense of what does work for you. Even just throw me some product names - I like comparing lables

So far anything from deva curl, my hair likes the light defining gel a lot. The wave maker and the coconut curl cream.
Seems to also like the SM marshmellow root deep conditioner and manuka honey deep treatment.

[Ophidian]

I mean, I love my hair when its looking good and not breaking off.
I cant tell if its my depression telling me that my hair looks worse than it actually does. Or if it looks as gross as I think it looks.

And its hard because most other people IRL tell me to cut my hair. My mom at christmas asked me when i was going to get a trim.
I guess my ends really look bad, and its moments like that, that really fuel the idea that my hair is damaged and ugly.

I hate my hair because no matter what it just looks terrible due to breakage
But I am attached to the length.

Things I am pulling from this:

1) You don't always hate your hair
2) You want to have it long
3) Other people's opinions are getting to you

Thoughts, in no particular order: You can have long hair if you want to. You can find a way to make it work. You (and your hair) are not uniquely doomed (dunno about you but my depression always comes up with great explanations for why encouragement and things that help other people can't possibly apply to me, which I think is funny when I'm not feeling depressed). Peoples' minds have been warped by decades of shampoo commercials with a very narrow definition of what desirable hair looks like. As a tattoo artist you have already committed to small acts of personal rebellion and having badass witchy hair is a perfectly reasonable extension of that (witchy is intended as a compliment, if you do not take it as such feel free to substitute with whatever descriptor you prefer).

[Ophidian]

1. does clarifying/chelating help?
Not really. I dont notice a huge difference.
2. Can you find any similarities in the products your hair likes vs. the ones it doesn't (ingredients/types etc)?
Not so far.
3. Have you tried something like a coney serum in place of oil?
Yes, my hair does not like cones, I get build up within 1-2 uses.
4. Are there any styles that you find both comfortable and aesthetically tolerable?
Low buns, but honestly no. I dont like most updos, they tend to all be super uncomfortable and I end up pulling them down.
5. Have you tried a detangling leave-in like Kinky Curly Knot Today (I know it's on the $$ side but I hear a little goes a long way)?
I currently own the curling custard, my hair hates it.
6. I'm just trying to get a sense of what does work for you. Even just throw me some product names - I like comparing lables

So far anything from deva curl, my hair likes the light defining gel a lot. The wave maker and the coconut curl cream.
Seems to also like the SM marshmellow root deep conditioner and manuka honey deep treatment.

Ok, so on a more practical note: I scanned the ingredients for the DevaCurl Coconut Curl Cream and the SM Manuka Honey. Going by the first five rule, they're both high in fatty alcohols and coconut oil. Both contain protein and several humectant ingredients - all pretty standard fare. As far as products that work for you go, are you using any of them now? If not, what was your primary reason for stopping? If the reason is $, I have a fairly similar product that I bought and never used that I'd be happy to send you if you're interested in trying it (Camille Rose Aloe Whipped Butter Gel).

I just remembered this concept that's related to business/project management (not my area of interest)... basic idea is there are three goals (fast, good, cheap) but you can only really have two at any given time. I feel like this applies to hair in a way. My brain is too tired to work out the exact parallels, but the gist is, if you had to prioritize length, thick ends, or being able to leave it down most of the time, what would the order of importance be?

[ArabellaRose]

I know you said your hair doesn't like oils but have you ever tried ROO? It's been transformative to my hair to the point I have people asking me how I get my hair so shiny and soft. It took some experimentation with different oils but eventually found it likes olive oil and baby oil (olive oil the most though).

[lapushka]

I can see the thickness being even at around BSL. Maybe "consider" going back to that length? At least it would be a worry off of your mind. :flower:

[ravenheather]

I dont think you need to trim unless that's what you really want. I do like fairytale ends though. If the ends don't behave or feel well to you i understand wanting a trim. Maybe just a small one would make you happier with your hair.

[Cate36]

I dont think you need to trim unless that's what you really want. I do like fairytale ends though. If the ends don't behave or feel well to you i understand wanting a trim. Maybe just a small one would make you happier with your hair.

agree.. in fact I wouldn't do anything until you start to feel in a better position emotionally.. all I would say is that your hair is beautiful.. you are beautiful... X

[spidermom]

A couple more thoughts of what helps my hair and might help yours:
1) My hair responds very well to safflower oil. If you haven't tried that one, it might be worth it. It isn't crazy expensive, and you can use it for cooking.

2) I noticed with cones, I'd only use a serum very lightly about every other wash because it did build up, but the effect did seem to last through a couple of washings, so I only needed to clarify about once a month.

[poli]

Rebeccalaurenxx I just wanted to say your hair looks beautiful!
I know some of the fairytailing is due to damage, and I really hope you find the way to help your hair a little, so you can enjoy it again.



2) I noticed with cones, I'd only use a serum very lightly about every other wash because it did build up, but the effect did seem to last through a couple of washings, so I only needed to clarify about once a month.

I agree with spidermom some silicone used very lightly might help brittle and color treated hair. I use coney products again and I do notice less splits and bent ends. Fine and fragile hair :rolleyes:

[cjk]

I just saw your pictures. Your hair is very beautiful, and the lazy wurls give you kind of a bohemian vibe that goes well with the body art.

A thought occurs.

You said your mother, at Christmas, made negative comments. Might it have been because your hair is "hippy dippy," because she thinks a slick updo is appropriate instead of natural curls, and not because it actually looks bad?

I have curly hair and how I choose to present it can be either natural, brushed out, slicked, braided, twisted, etc. All give different looks and distinctly different vibes.

In the pictures you shared I do not see the level of damage you described. But each of us is always our own worst critic, we see faults no one else would ever notice.

[Gothic Lolita]

Would you be okay with putting your hair in a braid, at least for the night? While a bun is more protective, a braid isn't bad and you could even put a leave-in your hair likes on.
I get not liking buns very much, I also get a tension head-ache from most, especially with hair sticks, so I rarely use them. The unsightly claw-clips work best for me and positioning the bun higher. Maybe you can try out placing a bun differently and see whether that works for you. But I do get the difficulty of getting something aesthetically pleasing while at the same time being comfortable.

Edit: just wanted to say: I like you hair and I think a lot of it is down to texture. While I personally would trim it a bit to make it less prone to tangles, I think it is in good shape until at least BSL, I wouldn't cut back to APL. I'd go for a 1 inch trim, see whether it makes a difference and if I'm happy maybe another inch, but not a big cut.

[*Wednesday*]

I'm sorry things are out of sorts for you. Big hugs ☺ be well.

[Rebeccalaurenxx]

I know you said your hair doesn't like oils but have you ever tried ROO? It's been transformative to my hair to the point I have people asking me how I get my hair so shiny and soft. It took some experimentation with different oils but eventually found it likes olive oil and baby oil (olive oil the most though).

I do roo every once in awhile, but I dont see a huge difference.


I can see the thickness being even at around BSL. Maybe "consider" going back to that length? At least it would be a worry off of your mind. :flower:

I dont think I could ever cut off that much in one go...


A couple more thoughts of what helps my hair and might help yours:
1) My hair responds very well to safflower oil. If you haven't tried that one, it might be worth it. It isn't crazy expensive, and you can use it for cooking.

2) I noticed with cones, I'd only use a serum very lightly about every other wash because it did build up, but the effect did seem to last through a couple of washings, so I only needed to clarify about once a month.

I havent tried that one but ill give it a shot once im out of oil.
I was using coney serums, I like to control how much silicones is going into my hair but I would get build up after one use.
if I use any amount off cones i get build up


Rebeccalaurenxx I just wanted to say your hair looks beautiful!
I know some of the fairytailing is due to damage, and I really hope you find the way to help your hair a little, so you can enjoy it again.



I agree with spidermom some silicone used very lightly might help brittle and color treated hair. I use coney products again and I do notice less splits and bent ends. Fine and fragile hair :rolleyes:

my hair also holds onto silicones too easy, i get build up within 1 use.


I just saw your pictures. Your hair is very beautiful, and the lazy wurls give you kind of a bohemian vibe that goes well with the body art.

A thought occurs.

You said your mother, at Christmas, made negative comments. Might it have been because your hair is "hippy dippy," because she thinks a slick updo is appropriate instead of natural curls, and not because it actually looks bad?

I have curly hair and how I choose to present it can be either natural, brushed out, slicked, braided, twisted, etc. All give different looks and distinctly different vibes.

In the pictures you shared I do not see the level of damage you described. But each of us is always our own worst critic, we see faults no one else would ever notice.

Im not sure what my moms style is, I just know its because my hair looks very thin on the ends.
And to most people, like, the thin ends dont look healthy or nice.
And I tend to agree. With my own hair, I think the damage would be less noticeable if I didnt have such thin ends.

[spidermom]

I was just remembering that when I first joined here, I had a lot of heat damage. I'd been flat ironing without any heat protectant, going over each strand multiple times. I was trying to learn how to make it look better and become more manageable, and all the advice was so frustrating. It was like I had a head full of straw, and people said try oils, so I tried oils, but then I had a head full of oily straw. It was not an improvement. Eventually I tested the hair all over my head by taking a bunch of hairs between thumb and forefinger near my scalp and sliding my fingers down the hair. I'd note where the texture changed. I could feel it so clearly! I ended up deciding that my hair felt good down to APL, then dry and "scabby" below that. I was sick of fighting with it every single day, so I got a haircut at APL with a little layering and some face framing. It looked really good. Yes I missed the length, but I didn't miss the awful texture. And of course it grew back. I think it took about a year.

Anyway, what I learned is that sometimes the condition of hair becomes so bad that there's no saving it. The only thing that does any good at that point is cutting away the damage. You can do it a little at a time or in one cut, like I did. Hair in good condition responds much better to oils and deep conditioning, although of course it can take some time to figure out which oils and conditioners work best for your hair.

[milosmomma]

I agree with spider mom. I too had severe damage from dye bleaching amd straightening and it's so true how differently the damaged hair reacted to the oils and conditioners I was using. Once I cut the damage out it was like starting over with brand new hair and things that worked for the damaged hair were suddenly too heavy and things that didn't work for the damaged hair suddenly soaked into my healthy hair.
I still think microtrimming while pampering the damage would be a viable way to slowly rid yourself of the ends that are making you unhappy while keeping the length so you don't feel "naked" like I did when I went for the big chop.

[MusicalSpoons]

I have to say, when I saw your photo I genuinely said 'WOW!' - it looks so much thicker than previous photos I've seen of your hair!

A couple of points I haven't seen mentioned (sorry if I missed them):
You don't like cones, but is that all cones? There are non-buildup ones (aminopropyl- silicones) and water-soluble cones (PEG- or PPG- silicones) as well as ordinary cones that build up. I personally find my hair quite likes PEG-something-dimethicone; I know some others have success with aminopropyl- non-buildup cones.

A couple of members in the ROO thread needed to use the method a few times consistently in order to notice much difference. If it's something you can easily try again and have the energy for, I highly recommend it. What oil(s) work best also varies individually, so if you have more than one you can try you might find one works better than the others.

Above all, I'm so sorry you're still struggling :grouphug: :flowers: it's clear *you* don't actually hate your hair, even though the depression is trying to convince you otherwise, so I'm so pleased you haven't cut it off when that's not what you want. Well done for standing your ground against the lies depression is telling you. If you do decide to cut any amount, it should be because you want to, not because you feel you ought to :blossom:

[Glitch]

Everyone has mentioned really great suggestions. I don’t have anything extra to add, but saw that you’re considering Zoloft. I was on it for anxiety, not depression, and while it didn’t truly help my anxiety, it made me super happy (like, abnormally happy with everything lol). However, it majorly harmed my digestive tract (stomach issues are very common with sertralines), causing me to throw up pretty much every time I ate anything. Even though I wasn’t depressed before Zoloft, I sure became depressed once it took hold. I’m still recovering from all that super unhealthy rapid weight loss and feeling super dead. Anyway, this isn’t to scare you off - after all, it *did* make me oh so happy before negatively affecting my stomach. Basically just a warning - if ever you start getting stomach aches during Zoloft, let your GP know immediately.

[Beeboo123]

Can i be very honest? I think your hair looks brutally thin past BSL, and if I were you, i would quit dyeing it, and cut back to BSL. As you said, you love your hair when it is looking good- why keep it at fhis length when you’re unable to love it, unable to wear it down? I used to dye and straighten my hair, and it felt like poo no matter what products I used. But the problem wasn’t with the products, it was my damaged hair. Damaged hair cannot heal, it’s just a matter of time before more and more breaks off and your hair gets even more sparse at the ends, and looks even worse

[lapushka]

Can i be very honest? I think your hair looks brutally thin past BSL, and if I were you, i would quit dyeing it, and cut back to BSL. As you said, you love your hair when it is looking good- why keep it at fhis length when you’re unable to love it, unable to wear it down? I used to dye and straighten my hair, and it felt like poo no matter what products I used. But the problem wasn’t with the products, it was my damaged hair. Damaged hair cannot heal, it’s just a matter of time before more and more breaks off and your hair gets even more sparse at the ends, and looks even worse

There is no reason why she can't pamper it and let it grow out steadily while microtrimming. :flower:

She clearly indicated to my reply on cutting back to BSL that that is not what she wants. :)

[Cate36]

There is no reason why she can't pamper it and let it grow out steadily while microtrimming. :flower:

She clearly indicated to my reply on cutting back to BSL that that is not what she wants. :)

I tend to agree...I don't think it looks bad..

[Rebeccalaurenxx]

Can i be very honest? I think your hair looks brutally thin past BSL, and if I were you, i would quit dyeing it, and cut back to BSL. As you said, you love your hair when it is looking good- why keep it at fhis length when you’re unable to love it, unable to wear it down? I used to dye and straighten my hair, and it felt like poo no matter what products I used. But the problem wasn’t with the products, it was my damaged hair. Damaged hair cannot heal, it’s just a matter of time before more and more breaks off and your hair gets even more sparse at the ends, and looks even worse

Comments like this just further perpetuate the idea that my hair is indeed damaged, ugly and thin. Cool.

[ArabellaRose]

In the politest way possible, I strongly disagree with Beeboo, I think your hair is lovely and not as thin as they're making out.

Infact, your hair looks thicker than mine and certainly no less healthy and I get plenty of compliments on my hair.

I agree with the idea of babying the lengths and microtrimming, it's what I've been doing and it's doing wonders. I'm still gaining length and my hair is looking healthier and healthier with each month. Before learning about taking care of my hair I had quite a bit of damage from not having a trim for over a year, not knowing how to care for it, and looaaads of heat damage. I've been microtrimming since September and between that and finding a routine that works for my hair (WCC, ROO, LCO) the difference in health is quite significant.

[lapushka]

Comments like this just further perpetuate the idea that my hair is indeed damaged, ugly and thin. Cool.

Rebecca, it is thinner, that's something you can't look past, you know that also, but I totally agree with you, it is NOT damaged. I was under the false impression you wanted the thinner pieces gone asap because it dragged your mood down, which is why I suggested BSL in the first place, but it's nothing you can't fix with going slowly but steadily and by microtrimming if you want the thickness to travel down bit by bit.

Hang in there, girl! :) :flower:

I don't think your hair is damaged.

[Ophidian]

Rebecca, it is thinner, that's something you can't look past, you know that also, but I totally agree with you, it is NOT damaged. I was under the false impression you wanted the thinner pieces gone asap because it dragged your mood down, which is why I suggested BSL in the first place, but it's nothing you can't fix with going slowly but steadily and by microtrimming if you want the thickness to travel down bit by bit.

Hang in there, girl! :) :flower:

I don't think your hair is damaged.

Agree with lapushka, and also, I would point out that that is one opinion, in six pages of positive ones. Some people prefer blunt hemlines, which yours is not, but taper does not equal damage and I think the distinction drawn there was an aesthetic one. If the shoe fits, wear it, you know? There are going to be people that do not like any hemline that isn't blunt or professionally layered, here and in your day to day life. You're under no obligation to enjoy your hair less because of it.

[The-Young-Maid]

But... you said yourself your hair is damaged? So it's thin from the breakage. Thats the truth. How can you get upset when even you aren't happy with your hair currently?? You made this post to get opinions, thats what people are giving you.

I'm someone who prefers blunt ends. But I can appreciate fairy tale ends on myself and others. As my thickness has grown out I've chosen to trim and maintain. It's worked for me. My ends are nice and thick now. If you are as unhappy with your ends as you claim then I think you should microtrim. Do some S&D even. You can wear it up but you'll probably keep thinking about the ends no matter what.

I just don't understand why you'd rather hang on something that makes you more unhappy. And besides if these "periods" keep happening wouldn't more manageable hair be easier? I really hope things get better for you.

[*Wednesday*]

Brutally thin and damaged? Absolutely not! I think that adjective is a bit excessive. Do your ends look thinner on the ends compared to the bulk? Yes, a taper. However, it does not look damaged or looks bad.

[GrowlingCupcake]

I'm sorry you are unable to get help for your depression; health care issues in the US suck. I hope you can soon.

When I don't feel up to detangle or anything because of depression, illness, pain, what have you, I stick it up in a claw clip. It's still out of the way, and protected, but requires little fuss. I use the barrel ones from Goody. I'd try to just keep it up as much as possible so you ideally think about it less, and people do not comment on the lengths.

Is your hair thin around the ends? Yes. But that's normal taper. Does it look bad? No. Personally, I would just keep growing it, put it up as much as possible, and then address the real issue when I am able to - depression, and stress. Once you've worked on those, then look into microtrimming, S&D, etc.

[Rebeccalaurenxx]

But... you said yourself your hair is damaged? So it's thin from the breakage. Thats the truth. How can you get upset when even you aren't happy with your hair currently?? You made this post to get opinions, thats what people are giving you.

I'm someone who prefers blunt ends. But I can appreciate fairy tale ends on myself and others. As my thickness has grown out I've chosen to trim and maintain. It's worked for me. My ends are nice and thick now. If you are as unhappy with your ends as you claim then I think you should microtrim. Do some S&D even. You can wear it up but you'll probably keep thinking about the ends no matter what.

I just don't understand why you'd rather hang on something that makes you more unhappy. And besides if these "periods" keep happening wouldn't more manageable hair be easier? I really hope things get better for you.

I have been micro trimming for a year now and my hemline hasn't changed. Thats why im so upset. I have been here a very long time and... well.
Its beginning to feel like cutting it off, staying at BSL and not growing long is my answer. Because my hemline will just turn back into this within 2 years.
I have been micro trimming for so long and have seen very slow progress which is why, when people tell me to cut off 6 inches.. yes. I get a little peeved.
Because the micro trimming and s&d didnt work for me, my hem just goes back to this awful state.
I prefer blunt ends so maybe thats why the "damage" and state of it bothers me so much, but I definately have the right to get a little peeved when someone suggests I cut off almost 2 years worth of growth.

I hold onto it because I have been growing for so long, doing very little if anything to my hair, and it just snaps and breaks from mechanical damage.
If I follow the advice from those that say my hair is thin, that the ends are not blunt enough, I will never reach my goal length, ever.
Hope that makes sense to you.

[Ylva]

What's the most protective style that you are able to wear comfortably?

[Rebeccalaurenxx]

Everyone has mentioned really great suggestions. I don’t have anything extra to add, but saw that you’re considering Zoloft. I was on it for anxiety, not depression, and while it didn’t truly help my anxiety, it made me super happy (like, abnormally happy with everything lol). However, it majorly harmed my digestive tract (stomach issues are very common with sertralines), causing me to throw up pretty much every time I ate anything. Even though I wasn’t depressed before Zoloft, I sure became depressed once it took hold. I’m still recovering from all that super unhealthy rapid weight loss and feeling super dead. Anyway, this isn’t to scare you off - after all, it *did* make me oh so happy before negatively affecting my stomach. Basically just a warning - if ever you start getting stomach aches during Zoloft, let your GP know immediately.

Im sorry I am just now seeing this. Thank you for letting me know.
I think I decided to avoid zoloft and have started taking vitamin D instead, and i think its helping a little bit.
Though i wouldnt mind losing 30 lbs... haha..

[Rebeccalaurenxx]

Rebecca, it is thinner, that's something you can't look past, you know that also, but I totally agree with you, it is NOT damaged. I was under the false impression you wanted the thinner pieces gone asap because it dragged your mood down, which is why I suggested BSL in the first place, but it's nothing you can't fix with going slowly but steadily and by microtrimming if you want the thickness to travel down bit by bit.

Hang in there, girl! :) :flower:

I don't think your hair is damaged.

Its more like, I dont come on here anymore.
I dont take pictures of my hair anymore.
Because the ends look bad, to me. Being active here bums me out.
I see other peoples hair here and have less appreciation for my own hair.
Its also a lot easier to ignore it when its up or thrown behind me on my back and not in a photo.

I just feel like my hair is super damaged because every time I look at my ends there are loads of white dots and splits.
I cut them out and they come right back - i use sharp Japanese steel blades, never used on anything else.
My hair feels like spider webs, i feel unattractive with hair that looks this way - unkempt.

I guess maybe I just never really got over the whole - no heat no color thing.
Broke the rules using color - but loving my texture has been, really hard. I think my depression plays a huge role in that, and the fact that I gained 50 lbs in the last 3 years. Been having a lot of issues loving myself and the way i look - which makes it really hard to love my hair - even if others say that it looks fine and healthy.

Which again - is another reason why i hold onto it - i really like long hair on myself.
I already find myself ugly, cutting off 6" of my hair would kill my self esteem further.
Sure, I would be happier with the "state" of my hair, health wise. But i would regret it instantly, and would feel absolutely awful about myself afterward...

Everyone with depression and mental illness knows, the last thing you want to do when youre going through an emotional crisis is make a huge physical appearance change.

[Rebeccalaurenxx]

What's the most protective style that you are able to wear comfortably?

A low bun is the most comfortable and whatI usually wear unless its a good day, then i wear the bun higher up. Sold all my hair forks/toys so all i have are silk ties. Unfortunately though, i seem to get mechanical damage from what looks like all styles.
Braids especially. Buns, braids, whatever. My hair snaps every time i touch it.

[Ylva]

A low bun is the most comfortable and whatI usually wear unless its a good day, then i wear the bun higher up. Sold all my hair forks/toys so all i have are silk ties. Unfortunately though, i seem to get mechanical damage from what looks like all styles.
Braids especially. Buns, braids, whatever. My hair snaps every time i touch it.

Sorry if this has already been discussed in this thread, but what's your haircare routine like? Maybe try adding a coney serum to your ends/midlengths or something, that might help protect it.

[littlestarface]

I suggest doing moisture treatments, at least take some conditioner and some heat for like 30mins and then more moisture when your washing it out and then more moisture. Do roo and then conditioner wait a few mins, maybe using a leave in if you can. Your hair looks so thirsty to me and if its breaking it needs moisture I dunno if your hair like protein or not but I wanna recommend it too.

Are these asking for advice threads just for positivety? because when someone is actually honest everyone jumps down their throat and says nope i disagree. Like come on people its for honest advice to actually help someones hair. How can anyone get help when you just say it looks good to me. Or maybe i;'m wrong and these threads is just for positive thinking and that's that.

[Ylva]

Are these asking for advice threads just for positivety? because when someone is actually honest everyone jumps down their throat and says nope i disagree. Like come on people its for honest advice to actually help someones hair. How can anyone get help when you just say it looks good to me. Or maybe i;'m wrong and these threads is just for positive thinking and that's that.

Certainly someone's honest opinion could be that x looks fine (not talking about this particular hair necessarily, but these threads in general), in which case I think it's all good and dandy, but I think it largely comes down to how things are said. One should take in consideration what state of mind the OP is in and go from that. A friendly approach is never a bad idea. And I'm not saying you were not friendly, because I think you were, just is just in general. :flower:

I guess the essence of this thread is that the OP is not totally happy with her hair due to it breaking etc and the ends not being to her liking, so I guess we're trying to join our heads to come up with suggestions that could help but not take too much emotional power at the same time.

[Glitch]

Im sorry I am just now seeing this. Thank you for letting me know.
I think I decided to avoid zoloft and have started taking vitamin D instead, and i think its helping a little bit.
Though i wouldnt mind losing 30 lbs... haha..

No worries :) Best of luck! And trust me, it’s really not the way you’d want to lose weight!

By the way, I’m wondering if your hair dye’s ingredients contain ammonia or any peroxides? Or something similar. I used to dye my hair for years and the intensity of some of the chemicals was quite drying on my finer hair. Also, even something as natural as henna dye can be quite drying, leading to brittleness if not careful. Just throwing that out there - I hope you figure out the culprit soon.

[Prose]

Aside from the depression, I could have written your post. I (naturally) have very similar curl pattern, color, and volume as yours, but I'm about 4" shorter. I also disliked Kinky curly custard, but I've used Kinky Curly Knot Today leave-in Conditioner for years. Its the only constant product I use. It slips through knots in the shower, and I leave in a bit after. I also like Deva-Curl products, but I can't spend $$ right now. I started using a "natural" dye that contains peroxide 2 years ago.. I think its what's made it brittle and break now.. even my crown.

I was getting softer waves and no white dots/90 degree angle bends by damp bunning for about 4 months. This past month I started to wear it down and use heat again, and the breakage is back with a vengeance.

I'm going to settle on a bargain.. I don't do well with no-heat, no-color, so I will use heat if I want to help frame some small pieces around my face, but damp and light avocado oil bun the rest. Its a small compromise, but helps me feel my best and allows the bulk of the hair to heal. Maybe something like that would help? Having a curl pattern is tricky.. they way they grow.. sometimes its amazing and I wouldn't change a thing.. other days, not so much!

Lastly, meditation combined with cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) helped me get out of anxiety/PTSD years ago. I was into Kundalini Yoga and Mediation heavy for a while. It made a huge difference. (Not dissuading you from conventional means.. just as an adjunct). If you can't afford the doctor, maybe try "The Feeling Good Handbook" by Dr.David Burns. A used, older copy on Amazon is probably dirt cheap.. yellow/blue cover with his picture. It was a game-changer and teaches you how to actively apply CBT.

Best of luck!

[Rebeccalaurenxx]

Sorry if this has already been discussed in this thread, but what's your haircare routine like? Maybe try adding a coney serum to your ends/midlengths or something, that might help protect it.

Wash with SLS free shampoo - usually NYM nautrals curl enhancing shampoo or deva curl low poo/pacifica curl enhancing shampoo
Deep condition - i change up my deep conditioners regularly - but its always between NYM detox, devacurl repair, or a SM deep treament, usually the manuka honey.
then i do loc - leave in is usually from cantu, nym or devacurl and then gel - which is usually NYM or devacurl, i use to use the curling custard from KCKT but it was incredibly hard to use it without getting stiff curls/waves.

I deep condition with every wash for the most part, but I havent used my heat cap and done like an hour long intensive treatment in a few months.
havent had the energy or the time. mostly energy. when youre depressed the idea of sitting in a wet cap for an hour is not appealing.

[Rebeccalaurenxx]

I suggest doing moisture treatments, at least take some conditioner and some heat for like 30mins and then more moisture when your washing it out and then more moisture. Do roo and then conditioner wait a few mins, maybe using a leave in if you can. Your hair looks so thirsty to me and if its breaking it needs moisture I dunno if your hair like protein or not but I wanna recommend it too.

Are these asking for advice threads just for positivety? because when someone is actually honest everyone jumps down their throat and says nope i disagree. Like come on people its for honest advice to actually help someones hair. How can anyone get help when you just say it looks good to me. Or maybe i;'m wrong and these threads is just for positive thinking and that's that.

I already do all these things. I literally deep treat with every wash.

I dont think either groups are being realistic. Cutting off 6" of hair isnt really helping or being honest because thats not an answer... and everyone knows that, but neither is saying I can get away with micro trims every month and that eventually my hair will be thick at the ends! Neither of these suggestions are realistic to me.
*shrug* I didnt ask for positivity or for people to come in and say my hair is nice - thats why i didnt use pictures in my original post to begin with and why i dont like posting photos of my hair and why i hesitated when someone asked.

The purpose of this post was for people here that suffer with depression to give advice on how they better take care of their hair while they are dealing with these things. It can be very hard to do treatments and detangle and crap - so if someone has advice for that, I want that.
I also wouldnt mind getting advice from people that suffered greatly, and had a bout of damage, and sharing with me how they dealt with that.
Like real stories, not "I havent gone through this before... but. Oh, try olaplex! Oh have you tried roo??" No offense, but I have been here a long time.
I know all these things already - I am looking for help from those that suffer from mental illness.

The LHC has always been a positive place, but I dont want anyone misunderstanding my intention with this post.
I do not care for positivity, I know what my hair looks like and didnt really want the feedback.
Because no matter what, words from other people wont change how I feel about my hair.
No matter what, positive or negative. :-) Thanks.

Thanks.

[Rebeccalaurenxx]

No worries :) Best of luck! And trust me, it’s really not the way you’d want to lose weight!

By the way, I’m wondering if your hair dye’s ingredients contain ammonia or any peroxides? Or something similar. I used to dye my hair for years and the intensity of some of the chemicals was quite drying on my finer hair. Also, even something as natural as henna dye can be quite drying, leading to brittleness if not careful. Just throwing that out there - I hope you figure out the culprit soon.

So in the beginning I was using henna and indigo, and I dont know if the last few inches are hair thats like unhappy and dried out from that, or if its from me being a total slob. The indigo dried my hair out, but I stopped using it maybe 8 months - a year ago. Right now, I touch up my roots with pravana and from what I know, I think it is considered low-ammonia, and does require a peroxide to develop. I wanted to switch to a vegetable based black dye, because thats the color I want to keep but they all turn muddy/green as they fade as most are blue based. And I do not want to have green hair. So I use the pravana, roots only, every 2 months or so.

[Rebeccalaurenxx]

Aside from the depression, I could have written your post. I (naturally) have very similar curl pattern, color, and volume as yours, but I'm about 4" shorter. I also disliked Kinky curly custard, but I've used Kinky Curly Knot Today leave-in Conditioner for years. Its the only constant product I use. It slips through knots in the shower, and I leave in a bit after. I also like Deva-Curl products, but I can't spend $$ right now. I started using a "natural" dye that contains peroxide 2 years ago.. I think its what's made it brittle and break now.. even my crown.

I was getting softer waves and no white dots/90 degree angle bends by damp bunning for about 4 months. This past month I started to wear it down and use heat again, and the breakage is back with a vengeance.

I'm going to settle on a bargain.. I don't do well with no-heat, no-color, so I will use heat if I want to help frame some small pieces around my face, but damp and light avocado oil bun the rest. Its a small compromise, but helps me feel my best and allows the bulk of the hair to heal. Maybe something like that would help? Having a curl pattern is tricky.. they way they grow.. sometimes its amazing and I wouldn't change a thing.. other days, not so much!

Lastly, meditation combined with cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) helped me get out of anxiety/PTSD years ago. I was into Kundalini Yoga and Mediation heavy for a while. It made a huge difference. (Not dissuading you from conventional means.. just as an adjunct). If you can't afford the doctor, maybe try "The Feeling Good Handbook" by Dr.David Burns. A used, older copy on Amazon is probably dirt cheap.. yellow/blue cover with his picture. It was a game-changer and teaches you how to actively apply CBT.

Best of luck!

Youre the second person to suggest that leave in, so ill give it a try. I wonder if I called the company and told them I had a jar with like 85% of product, if they would trade me haha

[Shepherdess]

Aw, I am sorry that you have gone through depression, that's never easy!! :grouphug:

I can relate. I went through a depressive spell a few years ago (not diagnosed). It was awful though, I didn't have any energy or motivation to take care of my hair so I let it go, besides that I went through a massive shed and lost a lot of my thickness. Thankfully I got through that rough time and my hair is in a much healthier state now. It takes a lot of patience mostly I think, and gentle care. I tried doing a lot of conditioner for a while and that seemed to help back then. Now I have changed up my routine a bit, so I mostly just use oils. I highly recommend S&D and conditioning.

[lapushka]

Wash with SLS free shampoo - usually NYM nautrals curl enhancing shampoo or deva curl low poo/pacifica curl enhancing shampoo
Deep condition - i change up my deep conditioners regularly - but its always between NYM detox, devacurl repair, or a SM deep treament, usually the manuka honey.
then i do loc - leave in is usually from cantu, nym or devacurl and then gel - which is usually NYM or devacurl, i use to use the curling custard from KCKT but it was incredibly hard to use it without getting stiff curls/waves.

I deep condition with every wash for the most part, but I havent used my heat cap and done like an hour long intensive treatment in a few months.
havent had the energy or the time. mostly energy. when youre depressed the idea of sitting in a wet cap for an hour is not appealing.

I never do deep conditioners. You don't have to at all! I mean I never let it sit for half an hour, and I never use a heat cap or heat of any kind for my deep conditioners. Maybe the heat is too much? It could be. Just throwing it out there. I just double condition or double mask and leave my conditioners or masks in 2 min. tops. I never get issues. Well, yes lately I had knots but that was because I was detangling the wrong way and putting my stylers in bent over then flipping back (silly me).

Just to say that it doesn't have to take long to take care of the hair. I know it can be a regular chore, but half an hour is totally not necessary to get it done!

[Obsidian]

I have depression, have since I was about 14 or so. I've had episodes where I just don't want to be bothered with washing my hair or general self care. During those times I would generally use a claw clip and just get it up out of my face. If it got really nasty, I would hide under a buff or beanie. Eventually the itch of SD would get to me and I had to wash it but it would immediately go back up so I could forget about it.

I really can't help with dealing with damage, I'm prone to just chop it all off. I'm one of those people who would rather shave my head as deal with hair that is making me unhappy. Hence me having a shaved head at this time lol. If a big chop is out of the question and micro trimming won't work either, maybe a compromise. Try a 1" trim and see how the ends feel. I know that won't cure the damage or tangles but maybe it would help enough for now.

From the produces you posted, I'm guessing you are cone free? Is there a reason why? When I had bleach damage, I had to use cones. They really were the only thing that helped hold my hair together. Protein treatment once in a while seemed to help too, maybe adding a protein conditioner would help improve the strength of your hair.

Getting a grip on your depression is really important. I understand you've done counseling in the past and haven't been impressed. I understand, I really do. I had one therapist tell me I was abducted by aliens. Seriously, this was her answer for why I was anxious and paranoid, not the fact I had a abusive boyfriend. There are good therapists, you have to keep looking until you find the one for you.

Its easy to get stuck in a rut and make excuses. We get comfortable with a routine, even if its bad and change is scary. Its hard to make those first steps to get help but you can do it, you need to do it and keep doing it until you find what helps. I was lucky to find a mindfulness teacher, she was amazing and saved me. I was on the brink of either suicide or being committed, she helped pull me back . You will get through this but you have to help yourself.

[lapushka]

From the produces you posted, I'm guessing you are cone free? Is there a reason why? When I had bleach damage, I had to use cones. They really were the only thing that helped hold my hair together. Protein treatment once in a while seemed to help too, maybe adding a protein conditioner would help improve the strength of your hair.

Good point. Maybe a coney serum "just" for the ends, or ROO just on the ends will do the trick in pampering those ends, and it takes virtually *no time* at all, if you can muster up the time for it, of course.

[MusicalSpoons]

A low bun is the most comfortable and whatI usually wear unless its a good day, then i wear the bun higher up. Sold all my hair forks/toys so all i have are silk ties. Unfortunately though, i seem to get mechanical damage from what looks like all styles.
Braids especially. Buns, braids, whatever. My hair snaps every time i touch it.

Context: I'm absolutely not suggesting you buy new things because I understand money may well be too tight (I think, from what I've read? Apologies if I've got that wrong) but I just want to ask: was there anything, any type of hairtoy that comfortably held a low bun for you?

I have had depressive episodes in the past but I don't remember what I did with my hair (and I don't think I cared - this was long before LHC). Now I often don't have the energy to do anything to it more than once every couple of days, but I'm fortunate that I can keep it up and it's comfy and fairly well protected. I do spend a lot of my time in bed or laying down, so I use a satin pillowcase and wrap another one around my hair at night which goes a long way to protecting it too (looks ridiculous but I really don't care!). I think I've mentioned these things before, and I'm not suggesting they would necessarily suit you - but the other thing is I do still have enough mental/emotional energy in those fatigued times to care about preventing the consequences of damage, which I know depression often takes away too.

I wish I had helpful, practical, encouraging things to say but as you can tell, those of us not in the same situation can only throw suggestions and ideas out in the hope that at least one thing might be of some use :flowers:

Oh also, when I do a pre-poo deep treatment, I don't wear anything over it because that means yet something else to deal with. I don't know if it renders some of the treatment ineffective (it's just conditioner, not even marketed as anything special) but it does help still. But yeah, if you're only going to get one lot of energy to do anything then you don't really want to use it all up on a pre-poo and not end up with anything left to wash your hair (hence it's a rare occurrence for me).

Your hair likes Deva products, which as far as I know are protein-y, so if you do find yourself feeling a bit more lively perhaps a protein treatment followed by a good conditioning might help. I don't know of any low-effort ones, though someone shared a link with me to a DIY gelatin treatment, and a modified version you just add to conditioner. Here's the modified version: http://science-yhairblog.blogspot.com/2012/07/my-hair-can-seem-to-get-enough-protein.html
And I came across this: beer! A bit simpler to do, too https://science-yhairblog.blogspot.com/2012/04/what-cookin-vegetarian-protein.html

^ like I said, just throwing ideas out. I really, really hope you find some way of dealing with this, some way to feel a bit better about your hair :grouphug:

[spidermom]

O.k.,well, you might consider this for the future: BSL is not short hair, and there are a variety of haircuts at that length. I recall one former LHCer who held onto long, thin ends for years because it was her dream to have classic-length hair. Unfortunately she didn't have the genes for it. She eventually cut back to somewhere between APL and BSL, which made her hair look a lot thicker in general, and left LHC. I still see her on Facebook, though.

I struggle against depression because it's my nature to see the dark side of things first. My most helpful therapy centered around behavior modification, although medication helped as well. There were certain behaviors and attitudes that were increasing my depression, so I had to figure out what they were and try to modify or even reverse them. For example, the religion I was taught as a child made me feel like I was doomed to hell by the time I was 20. After a lot of struggle, I realized that, deep down inside, I didn't have to believe it. Belief is a choice.

[littlestarface]

Well since you do all those things to your hair maybe try the opposite, like just use a shampoo and conditioner, braid it or bun it then leave it be. Cuz if your hair is breaking and not benefiting from all these routines then somethings gotta change. Maybe stop scrunching and stuff.

[Glitch]

So in the beginning I was using henna and indigo, and I dont know if the last few inches are hair thats like unhappy and dried out from that, or if its from me being a total slob. The indigo dried my hair out, but I stopped using it maybe 8 months - a year ago. Right now, I touch up my roots with pravana and from what I know, I think it is considered low-ammonia, and does require a peroxide to develop. I wanted to switch to a vegetable based black dye, because thats the color I want to keep but they all turn muddy/green as they fade as most are blue based. And I do not want to have green hair. So I use the pravana, roots only, every 2 months or so.

It could definitely be from the henna and indigo - but unfortunately just like any kind of permanent dye, the only way to find out is to grow it out. Even if it's been a year+, the previous dyes still remain. Not to mention that the touched up roots will eventually become the length of your hair, thereby equally affecting the rest of it with time. Something else to note is that ammonia and peroxide are notorious for damaging and drying out strands, with ammonia being linked to potential hair loss lately. There are dyes out there without these things though. Anyway, I'm sure you know these things already, so it's just a reminder/food for thought. You seem to be doing everything else right, so the fact that your end pieces are covered in white dots and splits just convinces me it's something specific causing all that, and not just nature/living life. I was going to suggest maybe growing out a small piece, but I see your hair is naturally tawny so it would really stand out against the black.

It's up to you! I would try out some of these other suggestions first (like stopping deep conditioners and whatever - I know my hair can't handle that, personally) and if all else fails then maybe try this growing out route some day. It took me 2 years of growing out enough of my hair dye and then another year to cut it all off. I could always see a massive difference, from having dye to not having it, due to my hair being naturally black and the dye being a vibrant red. The colored pieces always looked very unhealthy compared to the natural black, with a different texture too. However, I love and miss colored hair and will definitely be having my fun again some day when I want that. But, it'll have to be free of those irritating chemicals. You can do that too if you'd like, but to find out, you'd have to grow all this out first.

That being said, it'll be fine. You'll get where you wanna be eventually. Your hair is already very shiny, whether you like your hair or not :) Especially in your profile photo. Shine is always my #1 preference in hair. Anyway, your hair also looks very similar to my hair when mine is wet. I haven't left mine out to dry without manipulation in ages so who knows what it would look like on its own. We actually almost have the exact same hair type. Just keep going. "Dream hair" is like a big project and when it feels like it'll never happen, it probably means it's time to try something you haven't, that's all <3 Take care and all the best.

[milosmomma]

Someone a few pages back recommended "The Feeling Good Handbook" I second that read for coming through a depression. It helped me alot and I have referred back to it over the years as Ive struggled with depression since early teens. I also second kinky curly knot today. I just recently picked it up and have only used it a hamdful of times but it give so much slip it should cut down mechanical damage. I used it straight after the shower and also watered down in a spray bottle and both ways worked well. I would also suggest maybe a scarf. You could check out second hand shops or online for just a few bucks and you could wear them all day with your hair up under it and out of the way, forgotten about perhaps. I think scarves are beautiful and can be worn by anyone. I think having the ends of your hair up by the heat of your scalp has something to do with why it feels better than just having hair loose or even in a bun uncovered.

[GrowlingCupcake]

Note: This is a long thread, I am on pain medication, and I may have missed some things. I am sorry if I ask any questions that make you have to repeat yourself.

Moving on, I have had depression for as long as I can remember. My hair also has chemical, and mechanical damage as I didn't know how to comb or care for it well before; I have white spots all over maybe 6 inches or length? Some are quite high up. Same with splits, though I do try to keep those trimmed. So, I can relate to both damage, and to depression.

You want to reach TBL. You have two mutually exclusive options: keep growing your hair as it is for length or trim/cut for health. I personally picked length over health.

So your depression led you to neglect your hair badly. However, other than that neglect, what was/is causing your damage? I'm assuming the indigo? Since you only stopped about a year ago, you probably still have a lot of damage from it.

You said you're contemplating cutting back to waist in your first post; do you think that's still an option for you? Would that get rid of most of the damaged bits? Do you think you'd be willing to cut to waist, and then microtrim (maybe half your year's growth?) to get rid of any remaining damage?

Maybe having it hip is not something to try for right now. Once you can get health insurance, start working on your depression, you can go back to it. Maybe maintaining at waist is the best option for you. Maybe cut to waist, grow back to hip, and maintain there while the damage is trimmed off?

I saw you've been microtrimming for a year now, but has that year been enough to get rid of the damage? If the damage is still there, your hemline is not likely to improve dramatically, though I think the bulk of your hair looks lovely, and thick.

And yes, it sucks; that's why I choose length over health. But it depends on what you are able to do, and if you cannot care for your hair right now, maybe you should make it easier on yourself, and cut a reasonable amount (like to waist).

Regarding the depression:
I'll bring up claw clips again; they are just great when sick, depression, disabled, etc. They aren't too expensive, hold well, and seem okay for sensitive scalps.
Like Obsidian said, hats, beanies, scarves, etc. are going to be your friend if you need to go out.
Prioritise! You do not need to do your whole routine. If you have the energy, I would focus on detangling, not washing/treatments. If you have more spoons, wash/condition. If you still have spoons, apply a leave-in but start with the one that seems to work best in case you run out of spoons.
Simplify your routine for the same reason. The easier it is, the less draining it is, the more likely you will do it.
Regarding Zoloft, while it might not have worked for Glitch, it does for a lot of people; there's a reason it is a first-line treatment for depression. You can give it a shot (when you are able), and always stop if you are experiencing bad side effects.

Regarding damage:
I like Olaplex but it's pricey.
Have you tried a detangler? I'd suggest NB's Selkie Detangler; my hair is notorious for tangles, and this helps a lot.
Could you switch to a sulfate shampoo so you can use cones?
As mentioned, something is not working with your routine. Maybe take out a product at a time, keep track of how your hair is doing, and see if that is something you need, don't need or actively harming your hair.
Is there any way you're willing to go back to your natural hair colour? You could use ever lightening root touch-ups to soften the demarcation some.
Your hair doesn't like oils; which ones have you tried?
Silk/satin pillowcase or scarf?

And please do your best to remember this: Your depression is lying to you about the state of your hair. It makes you think it is worse than it is. I go through the same thing as well.
I know it's difficult to remember, but for those of us with depression, anxiety or other disorders, we must remember that our brains are constantly lying to us.

[Glitch]

Regarding Zoloft, while it might not have worked for Glitch, it does for a lot of people; there's a reason it is a first-line treatment for depression. You can give it a shot (when you are able), and always stop if you are experiencing bad side effects.

Yeah, I'd like to mention again that my post was a warning for a common side effect (stomach irritations) and not anti-Zoloft - absolutely feel free to try it out! And again, it did make me happy. :heartbeat

[Ophidian]

Warning: Long and unnecessarily wordy, ("like 99% of your posts..." says the anxiety monster in my head, who hates me... isn't mental illness a BLAST)

I have MDD and assorted anxiety disorders. I did fairly traditional psychoanalytic therapy for 3 years, which was better than nothing but only got me so far because I can analyze the **** out of anything without really trying anything different. I recently started CBT, which, like spidermom, I have found to be helpful so far in a practical how can I handle this life on earth since I seem to be stuck here for the time being kind of way. That and medication. Tried several, a lot didn't help, a few really did.

I started growing my hair out after serious bout of depression in 2015-2016. I was taking horrible care of myself (as one tends to do when depressed). My hair was short at the time so I did not have a breakage issue. Instead, I had been repetitively bleaching and dyeing my hair, and started having really bad dandruff, which I'd never had before, and my hair was coming out in handfuls in the shower. I basically shaved it (like obsidian, this is what I'd do whenever I was frustrated with it), and then tried to baby it while it grew. For some reason, even when I could barely look at myself in the mirror, I could oil my hair or braid it when it got long enough, or wrap it in a silk scarf for the night. I think it sort of felt like some part of me that was safe to care about, because the stakes were so low (it being "just hair" and all). I didn't have to talk to anyone about it, and nobody knew or cared if I "failed."

I do feel like being able to oil it and put it up has been a huge part of my "success" in maintaining healthy hair despite fluctuations in mood and general well-being (it's been better lately overall, but struggles with mental health always feel like 2 steps forward and 1 step back, as you know). In your case, I do hope you can find some ways to put it up when you just can't deal with it so it doesn't become one more thing to worry about when your brain is already stockpiling lists of flaws to beat you over the head with, should you (god forbid) start feeling better. I have a tender head too, though maybe not as much as you. I know that you have preferences re: hair toys and styles, but if you can find even one or two ways to wear it comfortably protected it's nice to have those options (has been for me anyway).

My favorites, some already mentioned, are:

-Claw clips (if you get smallish dark ones and use several, they blend in more and distribute weight evenly)

-Hair forks with a moderate head curve (I have an aluminum three-prong from Over the Hawaiian Moon on Etsy that I can wear and sleep with comfortably for literally days. It's super light weight, unbreakable, waterproof, inexpensive, and the black one is really understated). I wear mine with a disc bun, and I've found that for some reason it is much more comfortable to push the fork through the bun about halfway between my head and the top of the bun, NOT right on my scalp. I tend to get pulling if I grab scalp hair when I'm pushing it through.

-Buffs or scarves (there are tons of ways to wear both)

-Oil (finding one I liked was hard but keeping my hair oiled makes it easier to put up neatly, keep detangled, and keep the ends protected)

When I get down, I get frustrated when things go wrong or don't turn out as I'd expected, so experimenting with routines and products doesn't tend to go well. I've gotten the most milage from finding ways to keep it protected for long periods of time without any fuss. For me, having hair down=fuss.

I've rambled enough, but I hope that things look up for you soon. Neither you nor your hair are beyond hope, no matter what your brain is telling you. I know how hard this is. :grouphug:

[Rebeccalaurenxx]

Warning: Long and unnecessarily wordy, ("like 99% of your posts..." says the anxiety monster in my head, who hates me... isn't mental illness a BLAST)

I have MDD and assorted anxiety disorders. I did fairly traditional psychoanalytic therapy for 3 years, which was better than nothing but only got me so far because I can analyze the **** out of anything without really trying anything different. I recently started CBT, which, like spidermom, I have found to be helpful so far in a practical how can I handle this life on earth since I seem to be stuck here for the time being kind of way. That and medication. Tried several, a lot didn't help, a few really did.

I started growing my hair out after serious bout of depression in 2015-2016. I was taking horrible care of myself (as one tends to do when depressed). My hair was short at the time so I did not have a breakage issue. Instead, I had been repetitively bleaching and dyeing my hair, and started having really bad dandruff, which I'd never had before, and my hair was coming out in handfuls in the shower. I basically shaved it (like obsidian, this is what I'd do whenever I was frustrated with it), and then tried to baby it while it grew. For some reason, even when I could barely look at myself in the mirror, I could oil my hair or braid it when it got long enough, or wrap it in a silk scarf for the night. I think it sort of felt like some part of me that was safe to care about, because the stakes were so low (it being "just hair" and all). I didn't have to talk to anyone about it, and nobody knew or cared if I "failed."

I do feel like being able to oil it and put it up has been a huge part of my "success" in maintaining healthy hair despite fluctuations in mood and general well-being (it's been better lately overall, but struggles with mental health always feel like 2 steps forward and 1 step back, as you know). In your case, I do hope you can find some ways to put it up when you just can't deal with it so it doesn't become one more thing to worry about when your brain is already stockpiling lists of flaws to beat you over the head with, should you (god forbid) start feeling better. I have a tender head too, though maybe not as much as you. I know that you have preferences re: hair toys and styles, but if you can find even one or two ways to wear it comfortably protected it's nice to have those options (has been for me anyway).

My favorites, some already mentioned, are:

-Claw clips (if you get smallish dark ones and use several, they blend in more and distribute weight evenly)

-Hair forks with a moderate head curve (I have an aluminum three-prong from Over the Hawaiian Moon on Etsy that I can wear and sleep with comfortably for literally days. It's super light weight, unbreakable, waterproof, inexpensive, and the black one is really understated). I wear mine with a disc bun, and I've found that for some reason it is much more comfortable to push the fork through the bun about halfway between my head and the top of the bun, NOT right on my scalp. I tend to get pulling if I grab scalp hair when I'm pushing it through.

-Buffs or scarves (there are tons of ways to wear both)

-Oil (finding one I liked was hard but keeping my hair oiled makes it easier to put up neatly, keep detangled, and keep the ends protected)

When I get down, I get frustrated when things go wrong or don't turn out as I'd expected, so experimenting with routines and products doesn't tend to go well. I've gotten the most milage from finding ways to keep it protected for long periods of time without any fuss. For me, having hair down=fuss.

I've rambled enough, but I hope that things look up for you soon. Neither you nor your hair are beyond hope, no matter what your brain is telling you. I know how hard this is. :grouphug:

I really appreciate this, thank you.

[Rebeccalaurenxx]

From the produces you posted, I'm guessing you are cone free? Is there a reason why?

Like I have mentioned several times now, I am cone free because I get horrible build up within one use.
I would need to go back to SLS shampoo with every wash along with going back to cones and it would make my scalp so angry.
I would also need to wash more frequently because when I stretch washes, the silicones just kind of sit on my hair and grab dirt.
My hair feels WORSE with silicones.
I am SLS free because it tends to irritate my skin, using it once a month really dries my hair out A LOT.
So I avoid them both. Silicones especially. SLS is a every once in awhile - to clarify type of deal.
But silicones are a no. I have been there, done that, I tried using a serum ONLY on the ends. It make my hair tangle more.

[Rebeccalaurenxx]

I never do deep conditioners. You don't have to at all! I mean I never let it sit for half an hour, and I never use a heat cap or heat of any kind for my deep conditioners. Maybe the heat is too much? It could be. Just throwing it out there. I just double condition or double mask and leave my conditioners or masks in 2 min. tops. I never get issues. Well, yes lately I had knots but that was because I was detangling the wrong way and putting my stylers in bent over then flipping back (silly me).

Just to say that it doesn't have to take long to take care of the hair. I know it can be a regular chore, but half an hour is totally not necessary to get it done!

I said I havent used the heat cap in a few months. Like over 6 months, maybe even more at this point, so its not a heat related issue.
I have been doing exactly what you just described as leaving conditioner for a few minutes, 10 tops.
And it seems to not be helping as several described my hair as looking dry.

[Ophidian]

I really appreciate this, thank you.

:heartbeat

P.S. If you want the Camille Rose Aloe Butter Gel let me know and I'll give it to you - it's a full jar and I just never use it because it smells like frosting. Good 'cone free moisturizing leave-in though. And free ;).

[Rebeccalaurenxx]

:heartbeat

P.S. If you want the Camille Rose Aloe Butter Gel let me know and I'll give it to you - it's a full jar and I just never use it because it smells like frosting. Good 'cone free moisturizing leave-in though. And free ;).

Maybe.. maybe... lol I feel weird taking things.

[Rebeccalaurenxx]

https://i.postimg.cc/3NDh1z0F/IMG-2642.jpg
Current of my hemline with my wave pattern brushed out and most of my hair sort of straight.
My hemline takes a 180...
I dont understand why my ends look like this but its been this way for years now.

[Ylva]

https://i.postimg.cc/3NDh1z0F/IMG-2642.jpg
Current of my hemline with my wave pattern brushed out and most of my hair sort of straight.
My hemline takes a 180...
I dont understand why my ends look like this but its been this way for years now.

Your ends are thicker than mine are at the moment, I think, and way thicker than my ends were a while ago. Before my chop, they looked like this:

https://forums.longhaircommunity.com/attachment.php?attachmentid=34218&d=1543410151

Had they not been damaged, I wouldn't have cut them for the thinness alone.

[Ophidian]

Maybe.. maybe... lol I feel weird taking things.

No worries, let me know if you decide you want it. It’s on my freebie post on the swap board too if that makes you feel better.

[nycelle]

https://i.postimg.cc/3NDh1z0F/IMG-2642.jpg
Current of my hemline with my wave pattern brushed out and most of my hair sort of straight.
My hemline takes a 180...
I dont understand why my ends look like this but its been this way for years now.

You said you were using henna and indigo, and the indigo dried your hair out. Since you stopped using it about a year ago, it would make sense the bottom is dry/damaged.

Since you're still coloring (with lift), you may just have to accept that you're going to have some damage. Unfortunately, there's no way around it. I can't think of anyone who's able to get their hair very long (with a thick hemline) while coloring. It's usually they get it very long, then color and try to maintain. Unless of course they just have thick strands that can withstand the abuse, and/or very dense hair to hide the breakage. What's happening to your hair is pretty common for someone who wants it long and colors.

Do you squish to condish? I found it made a huge difference in the amount of moisture my hair retains. But you need to be consistent, can't do it once or twice and stop.

[ravenheather]

You said you were using henna and indigo, and the indigo dried your hair out. Since you stopped using it about a year ago, it would make sense the bottom is dry/damaged.

Since you're still coloring (with lift), you may just have to accept that you're going to have some damage. Unfortunately, there's no way around it. I can't think of anyone who's able to get their hair very long (with a thick hemline) while coloring. It's usually they get it very long, then color and try to maintain. Unless of course they just have thick strands that can withstand the abuse, and/or very dense hair to hide the breakage. What's happening to your hair is pretty common for someone who wants it long and colors.

Do you squish to condish? I found it made a huge difference in the amount of moisture my hair retains. But you need to be consistent, can't do it once or twice and stop.

I agree. I think coloring is part of the issue. Your ends are still colored with indigo. How is the top feeling? Is that texture better to you? If so , then it's a matter of time. If the texture at the top of your hair bothers you then maybe you have to choose between the color and hemline/texture that makes you happy. I am sure my hair would not stand coloring and be longer than shoulder. I also think your hemline is fine. I personally think blunt is overrated and will choose length over that everytime.

[lapushka]

I said I havent used the heat cap in a few months. Like over 6 months, maybe even more at this point, so its not a heat related issue.
I have been doing exactly what you just described as leaving conditioner for a few minutes, 10 tops.
And it seems to not be helping as several described my hair as looking dry.

Heat damage once it's done it's done, and it's not like 6 months will help it at all (just the new growth), so I'd be careful with it. I diffuse weekly, so I know what I'm getting into when I switch the heat up too high. Still, it's something to keep in mind.

What works for one doesn't have to work for someone else; it's just suggestions, there's no need to get angry or worked up about it! :flower: I was just trying to help! :o

[*Wednesday*]

https://i.postimg.cc/3NDh1z0F/IMG-2642.jpg
Current of my hemline with my wave pattern brushed out and most of my hair sort of straight.
My hemline takes a 180...
I dont understand why my ends look like this but its been this way for years now.

Could be the way it is brushed in this picture, the W-ish hemline. There is less density in the middle of the hem and unevenness. That’s a point of focus. Aesthetically, would look best evened out if you plan on wearing it down.
I personally would cut up to that middle part of less density, but that’s me if not for purely aesthetic reasons. Then see how the hemline grows. However, you don’t want to cut it and will have to deal with the current structure. Just micro-trim until the density of the hem catches up and wear it up.

I wouldn’t focus on getting to a particular length as you are trying to get your hemline under control as well as breakage.

[Rowdy]

I can't say I have these specific issues but I do know what it is like to endure being profoundly unhappy with your appearance during a major depressive episode and I am truly sorry you have had to experience that.

With regards to your hair it might be helpful to keep track of hard numbers. I think I remember you have said previously that waist is about 28" on you? And above, that 6" is 2 years worth of growth (so 3" a year)? That adds up to your ends probably being around 7 - 8 years old at the tips. I don't bring this up to be discouraging but for perspective. 6 years ago were those ends being dyed/using heat? And if so was the henna indigo then used over that? If any of that is true it sounds like it's just a waiting game until it all gets cut off which unfortunately will take longer the slower the hair grows. I had to do that with my dye-damaged hair. I cut off half my growth the first 2.5 years I was here and then cut off all my growth for the last 2 years to have it completely grown out.

Just to note - my hair is incredibly coarse and yet a single round of dye was enough to make those (100% LHC cared for) ends nearly crumble when they first got down to my waist. They just could not retain moisture and no product made any difference.

[milosmomma]

If you posted your hair pic in another thread without all the negatives you have said about it and I only had the picture to go on, I would say leave it alone and just let it do its thing. Again I stated I like fairytale ends and havent had a trim in 2 years because I'd like some of my own. If I had your hair I would oil it and put it up and keep on growing. New growth WILL travel down, it just takes tremendously long and you have to stop treating your roots or those root hairs that are trying to be new healthy growth are just going to fairytale by the time they reach waist and so on.

[Rebeccalaurenxx]

You said you were using henna and indigo, and the indigo dried your hair out. Since you stopped using it about a year ago, it would make sense the bottom is dry/damaged.

Since you're still coloring (with lift), you may just have to accept that you're going to have some damage. Unfortunately, there's no way around it. I can't think of anyone who's able to get their hair very long (with a thick hemline) while coloring. It's usually they get it very long, then color and try to maintain. Unless of course they just have thick strands that can withstand the abuse, and/or very dense hair to hide the breakage. What's happening to your hair is pretty common for someone who wants it long and colors.

Do you squish to condish? I found it made a huge difference in the amount of moisture my hair retains. But you need to be consistent, can't do it once or twice and stop.

I feel like I lost a lot of hair in December, to be honest with you.
Winter is awful, all beanies and hats give me the worst breakage and tangles.
I do squish to condish, been doing that for the last 2 years.

[Rebeccalaurenxx]

I agree. I think coloring is part of the issue. Your ends are still colored with indigo. How is the top feeling? Is that texture better to you? If so , then it's a matter of time. If the texture at the top of your hair bothers you then maybe you have to choose between the color and hemline/texture that makes you happy. I am sure my hair would not stand coloring and be longer than shoulder. I also think your hemline is fine. I personally think blunt is overrated and will choose length over that everytime.

The top actually feels a lot better, but the top is getting kind of dry/upset because I have been sleeping without my silk pillow case. I only have one so is hard to keep it in rotation since I need a fresh pillow case every few days.

[MusicalSpoons]

The top actually feels a lot better, but the top is getting kind of dry/upset because I have been sleeping without my silk pillow case. I only have one so is hard to keep it in rotation since I need a fresh pillow case every few days.

This has probably been mentioned before, but a satin pillowcase would be cheaper so you could have a few to keep in rotation - however I do seem to recall someone saying a while back that they couldn't get on with synthetic satin material so if that was you, my apologies for not quite remembering :flower:

[nycelle]

I feel like I lost a lot of hair in December, to be honest with you.
Winter is awful, all beanies and hats give me the worst breakage and tangles.
I do squish to condish, been doing that for the last 2 years.

yeah the colder weather, and hats aren't going to help. you might try a beanie with a satin lining.. i've seen them on etsy.

still, the permanent coloring, even though you're going darker requires lift. and lifting is damaging unfortunately, so anything additional like cold weather, and hats just exacerbates it.

i'm dying to get highlights around my crown, but i'm waiting for it to get to the length I want before committing. So maybe lay off the coloring until the end of the year, and do micro-trims. I bet that would help a ton.
and definitely get a beanie with the satin lining.. i need one too.

[Rebeccalaurenxx]

Could be the way it is brushed in this picture, the W-ish hemline. There is less density in the middle of the hem and unevenness. That’s a point of focus. Aesthetically, would look best evened out if you plan on wearing it down.
I personally would cut up to that middle part of less density, but that’s me if not for purely aesthetic reasons. Then see how the hemline grows. However, you don’t want to cut it and will have to deal with the current structure. Just micro-trim until the density of the hem catches up and wear it up.

I wouldn’t focus on getting to a particular length as you are trying to get your hemline under control as well as breakage.

Well whats weird is every time I brush it out like that, the "dense" parts change. I would swear not even a month or two ago, my hemline was more V and not W.
https://i.postimg.cc/wvdny8rC/september-2018.jpg
That is my hair back in September of last year.
I jut feel like my hair has changed in the last few months, not because of the fact that I color or because I dont trim enough.
I lost a wad of hair in december when I was detangling. Its just like, every time I take a picture of my hair it looks different.

[Rebeccalaurenxx]

This has probably been mentioned before, but a satin pillowcase would be cheaper so you could have a few to keep in rotation - however I do seem to recall someone saying a while back that they couldn't get on with synthetic satin material so if that was you, my apologies for not quite remembering :flower:

Yes that was me, the synthetics get really hot and itchy.

[Rebeccalaurenxx]

yeah the colder weather, and hats aren't going to help. you might try a beanie with a satin lining.. i've seen them on etsy.

still, the permanent coloring, even though you're going darker requires lift. and lifting is damaging unfortunately, so anything additional like cold weather, and hats just exacerbates it.

i'm dying to get highlights around my crown, but i'm waiting for it to get to the length I want before committing. So maybe lay off the coloring until the end of the year, and do micro-trims. I bet that would help a ton.
and definitely get a beanie with the satin lining.. i need one too.

I actually have the one from GE but the band that wraps around the forhead is so stiff and hard to stretch that its like wearing a headband around your head and it gives me headaches to wear them. I bought two and I never wear them because they give me headaches.

[*Wednesday*]

Well whats weird is every time I brush it out like that, the "dense" parts change. I would swear not even a month or two ago, my hemline was more V and not W.
https://i.postimg.cc/wvdny8rC/september-2018.jpg
That is my hair back in September of last year.
I jut feel like my hair has changed in the last few months, not because of the fact that I color or because I dont trim enough.
I lost a wad of hair in december when I was detangling. Its just like, every time I take a picture of my hair it looks different.

Yeah. It's the way it's brushed. Yours is like mine? My ends look best not combed or brushed most likely.

[Rebeccalaurenxx]

https://i.postimg.cc/C19QbydC/IMG-2667.jpg
I just trimmed off an inch.
I just want to fix this slowly. I cant cut back to waist its too hard.

[lapushka]

I think it looks OK! You'll be just fine with slow and easy trims. :flower:

[Begemot]

Nice to see that you made a decision regarding what to do with your hair :) uncertainty and being undecided is the worst. Taking action and doing something, no matter what and how small of a thing it is, makes me feel better almost always. I hope you feel better too and your mental health improves as soon as possible.

[Ylva]

It looks a whole lot thicker already! :)

[lapushka]

It looks a whole lot thicker already! :)

Yes it does! :D It is amazing what a small trim can do sometimes.

:happydance:

[MusicalSpoons]

Wow! It looks much more uniform, and the longest parts still look hip length to me :D that's a hair photo to be proud of :o love your texture, btw.

Speaking of which, your texture in the middle seems to be a bit tighter than the sides - might that account for what appears to be slightly thinner ends in the middle?

[Rebeccalaurenxx]

Wow! It looks much more uniform, and the longest parts still look hip length to me :D that's a hair photo to be proud of :o love your texture, btw.

Speaking of which, your texture in the middle seems to be a bit tighter than the sides - might that account for what appears to be slightly thinner ends in the middle?

That might just be why. Because its never been a W its always been a V, so to see the pattern like that is just, not normal to me.

[Rebeccalaurenxx]

Thanks guys.

I went out and got claw clips, I own some small ones but my issue with claw clips is the plastic hurts my scalp/head.
I cant wear most of them but I did find these, they are shaped in a way that is to be more comfortable.
I hate plastic claw clips but I dont have too much choice.
https://i.postimg.cc/J0LK2Htd/IMG-2685.jpg
https://i.postimg.cc/MKzd0BCn/IMG-2686.jpg

[JennGalt]

*snip*

Speaking of which, your texture in the middle seems to be a bit tighter than the sides - might that account for what appears to be slightly thinner ends in the middle?

YES!! I have this problem too. Uneven shrinkage is a massive, massive pain! If you look at my progress pix, you’d probably think I started trimming after the pic in the orange shirt in February 2018 (in which my hair also attempted triangle head as soon as I snapped the pic). But the only real difference between that and the pic taken a month later in the white tank top is that the mid March pic was taken further out from the previous wash day. Prior to early April 2018 I hadn’t cut or trimmed my hair in years since I was accustomed to it always breaking off around APL.

There’s not much that can be done about it except two things: 1) keep your hair stretched to minimize shrinkage, which is what I do, or 2) trim your hair so that it looks most even right after a wash and then keep your wave pattern well refreshed. And only take pix at a set point in your wash cycle so you’re not comparing apples and oranges when it comes to perceived thickness. I always have to remind myself on wash day that my hemline will look better after my hair has been in a fairly tight bun for a day or two; and it always does. And yes, I still have this happen even after trimming off the worst of my old heat damage.

Many of us have more than one texture on our heads. It’s normal. I know it’s easier said than done, but try not to beat yourself up over it :flower:

[lapushka]

Those claws are cute. I have a few shaped like these, and if your hair is too thick, or it seems not to hold with one, insert one one way, and the other the other way! It helps!

[Rebeccalaurenxx]

Those claws are cute. I have a few shaped like these, and if your hair is too thick, or it seems not to hold with one, insert one one way, and the other the other way! It helps!

It seems to stay up best when I put my hair into a ponytail with the satin/silk hair tie and then claw it up with one.
It will stay up with just the clip alone but the weight feels off so I feel like I am starting to get a headache.

[Ophidian]

I always find that distributing the weight in different points helps avoid the tension that leads to headaches too. I could never use just one claw clip even when my hair was shorter and I tried doing a peacock twist. I'm glad you're finding some solutions :)

[ravenheather]

Your hair texture looks really pretty unbrushed.

[lapushka]

It seems to stay up best when I put my hair into a ponytail with the satin/silk hair tie and then claw it up with one.
It will stay up with just the clip alone but the weight feels off so I feel like I am starting to get a headache.

Oh that sucks! Maybe try them both? It might distribute the weight of the style better. Anyway, you don't have to try, it's just a suggestion. I know how it pulled on me with just one. My updo used to pull to one side and tend to want to keel over.

[Rebeccalaurenxx]

Yesterday I washed, its day two and I do not like the way my hair feels. I did what others suggested and tried roo again.
Night before wash day, I used coconut oil. Shampooed out with SLS free shampoo.
Then I ran oil through my hair and did what I felt was roo. Rinsed the oil out.
Conditioned with SM. Did LOC, with leave in + gel.
Hair felt really nice the first day. Properly moisturized.
Now today, I pulled my hair down from the bun and my hair felt and looked stringy.

I think my issue is my hair is REALLY dry but when I moisturize properly it gets stringy, limp and heavy.
My hair looks nice for 1 day and then it looks gross and dirty.
I have fine wavy hair. This is the worst texture, I can never get it right.
People always compliment my texture here but it bothers me to no end.

[Ophidian]

My hair is M/C but it acts a bit like that too. I think it's the texture. Wash day it goes Hagrid on me unless I oil and braid or bun it while still damp, then I could have a good day or so of "down" hair as long as it's not humid at all (if I wanted to wear it down, which I never do), but I usually add more oil to make it behave, at which point it is no longer socially acceptable as "down" hair (though at this point it becomes great "up" hair).

I know there are people here who tailor their routines much more than I do to wearing their hair down regularly, but for me personally it has always been easier to oil it and put it up as it is so fickle otherwise. In other words, I know this is not exactly helpful advice but I completely understand your frustration with hair that likes to go from tumbleweed to seaweed in like 5 seconds flat.

[milosmomma]

Wash it daily then. If day one hair makes you happy then have day one hair everyday :)

[redtuss]

I am sorry that you have been feeling bad sweetie. I can relate that in my hair, BCL, is also very beaten up at the moment, lots of breakage and white dots. Health issues, a following depression and the winter weather on top of that is the cause..

You have been getting a lot of good tips but don't forget to give yourself time as well, it may take a while to fix and also - it's ok to have bad hair days (weeks...months..) as well! It doesn't make you "bad" and your hair is still beautiful and significant just as everything else about you.
Of course we all want pretty hair and to take care of it and let it grow.

For me I had to try silicone conditioners which my hair has HATED up until now, now it makes those ends easier to manage and gives the whole head of hair a shine that I actually like. I pair it with deep conditioning, oils, microtrimming and trying to avoid damage of course.



I hope you soon feel like your hair is back to itself again and that spring soon comes ❤

[lucid]

https://i.postimg.cc/C19QbydC/IMG-2667.jpg
I just trimmed off an inch.
I just want to fix this slowly. I cant cut back to waist its too hard.

Wow, I didn't know your hair was this thick! Looks very nice! The trim freshened it up nicely too. Imo, wavy and curly hair can easily get away with the amount of taper you have, I see no point in cutting more unless you actually wanted to.

[Rebeccalaurenxx]

Wow, I didn't know your hair was this thick! Looks very nice! The trim freshened it up nicely too. Imo, wavy and curly hair can easily get away with the amount of taper you have, I see no point in cutting more unless you actually wanted to.

Yes my hair is fine but I have a lot of it, so it can be hard getting the right amount of product.

[Rebeccalaurenxx]

Wash it daily then. If day one hair makes you happy then have day one hair everyday :)

Having depression and daily washing do not really go hand in hand...

[Dark40]

I agree with redtuss. Your hair texture and color is beautiful! Somedays I hate my hair too but we all have bad hair days. I follow the same method tha redtuss does, and I don't have any hair issues.

[Dark40]

I am sorry that you have been feeling bad sweetie. I can relate that in my hair, BCL, is also very beaten up at the moment, lots of breakage and white dots. Health issues, a following depression and the winter weather on top of that is the cause..

You have been getting a lot of good tips but don't forget to give yourself time as well, it may take a while to fix and also - it's ok to have bad hair days (weeks...months..) as well! It doesn't make you "bad" and your hair is still beautiful and significant just as everything else about you.
Of course we all want pretty hair and to take care of it and let it grow.

For me I had to try silicone conditioners which my hair has HATED up until now, now it makes those ends easier to manage and gives the whole head of hair a shine that I actually like. I pair it with deep conditioning, oils, microtrimming and trying to avoid damage of course.



I hope you soon feel like your hair is back to itself again and that spring soon comes ❤

Hi, you have hair at BCL? Dpo you any pics where I can see it? Because, I would like to get an idea of where it is as I am trying to figure out where it is on the body.

[akurah]

Hi, you have hair at BCL? Dpo you any pics where I can see it? Because, I would like to get an idea of where it is as I am trying to figure out where it is on the body.

It's about an inch or two past tailbone, depending on your body configuration. BCL stands for "butt crack length".

[MusicalSpoons]

It's about an inch or two past tailbone, depending on your body configuration. BCL stands for "butt crack length".

I thought it was an inch or so before TBL (maybe a typo?) Besides, I'm sure I've seen Dark40 participate in a few 'where are the milestones?' threads and come to the conclusion they're pretty much the same for her :)

[nycelle]

If you're measuring where the BC starts (top), then from what I understand, tailbone is below it.

[lapushka]

I thought it was an inch or so before TBL (maybe a typo?) Besides, I'm sure I've seen Dark40 participate in a few 'where are the milestones?' threads and come to the conclusion they're pretty much the same for her :)

Yes me too; this is what puzzles me. :confused:

[akurah]

Not a typo actually, a brain fart. I'm reasonably certain BCL is what I stated, and that tailbone is what everyone else is saying

[LillyBlossom]

https://i.postimg.cc/C19QbydC/IMG-2667.jpg
I just trimmed off an inch.
I just want to fix this slowly. I cant cut back to waist its too hard.

I think it looks beautiful :blossom:

[Rebeccalaurenxx]

I think it looks beautiful :blossom:

Aw thanks.. this is one of the better length pictures ive taken in awhile..

[Dark40]

It's about an inch or two past tailbone, depending on your body configuration. BCL stands for "butt crack length".

Oh, ok. Yeah, I knew what BCL stood for. Yes, it depends on your height and body configuration is true. I was also wondering....What do you call 3 inches below HL?

[Dark40]

I thought it was an inch or so before TBL (maybe a typo?) Besides, I'm sure I've seen Dark40 participate in a few 'where are the milestones?' threads and come to the conclusion they're pretty much the same for her :)

Well, I haven't participated in that many milestone threads but I have come to the conclusion that they are pretty much the same me is true :)

[Rebeccalaurenxx]

Just an update, my hair is acting a lot better and giving me a lot less problems.
I quit using the cantu kids curling cream - Ive figured out its whats been giving me a lot of build up and tangles for some reason.
I stopped using it and started using my other creams and my hair is just acting better... so I am going to be tossing it I think.
I dont know what else to do with it. Mix it with oils and use it like a deep treatment? I dont know.
Been using a combination of the NYM curl cream and then KCKT curling custard, for some reason with this combo, my hair likes the custard again.
I think I have to be really picky with my leave ins now. Also been incorporating ROO. Its like this argan oil blend I buy from walmart.
I bought several bottles and never used it because my hair hates oils as leave in - so they just sat. So in an effort to use them up, I literally just pour the oil over my hair.
At least a tablespoons worth of oil - its a blend of grapeseed, argan, almond oil, rosehip and i think safflower and something else. A bunch of oils.
My hair doesnt seem to mind it though.
I know in ROO youre not supposed to use a bunch of oil - but. Lol I am seeing results from using more oil.
Then I condition afterward, which more than likely removes whatever oil is left lingering.

So far so goood, I can put my hair into a ponytail without all the ends tangling as I am putting it up and brushing the strands.
I cant also sleep several nights now without waking up with a rats nest up on my head.
Been using those claw clips and when I use a satin hair tie and then the claw clip, it stays up all night.
I wake up and my hair ISNT a giant knot and its a lot easier to brush.

Ill keep doing this until my hair changes its mind and hates everything again - it tends to do this a lot.

[lapushka]

Rebecca, when doing ROO, with that much oil especially, be sure to clarify once in a while! Good luck with everything else! :thumbsup:

[Ophidian]

I'm really happy you're seeing some improvement, RLXX :)

[nycelle]

Nice. Glad you found something that works for you.

[blackgothicdoll]

Just an update, my hair is acting a lot better and giving me a lot less problems.
I quit using the cantu kids curling cream - Ive figured out its whats been giving me a lot of build up and tangles for some reason.
I stopped using it and started using my other creams and my hair is just acting better... so I am going to be tossing it I think.
I dont know what else to do with it. Mix it with oils and use it like a deep treatment? I dont know.
Been using a combination of the NYM curl cream and then KCKT curling custard, for some reason with this combo, my hair likes the custard again.
I think I have to be really picky with my leave ins now. Also been incorporating ROO. Its like this argan oil blend I buy from walmart.
I bought several bottles and never used it because my hair hates oils as leave in - so they just sat. So in an effort to use them up, I literally just pour the oil over my hair.
At least a tablespoons worth of oil - its a blend of grapeseed, argan, almond oil, rosehip and i think safflower and something else. A bunch of oils.
My hair doesnt seem to mind it though.
I know in ROO youre not supposed to use a bunch of oil - but. Lol I am seeing results from using more oil.
Then I condition afterward, which more than likely removes whatever oil is left lingering.

So far so goood, I can put my hair into a ponytail without all the ends tangling as I am putting it up and brushing the strands.
I cant also sleep several nights now without waking up with a rats nest up on my head.
Been using those claw clips and when I use a satin hair tie and then the claw clip, it stays up all night.
I wake up and my hair ISNT a giant knot and its a lot easier to brush.

Ill keep doing this until my hair changes its mind and hates everything again - it tends to do this a lot.

I'm very happy to hear this too! Your hair is pretty and its exciting that you've got something working.

I don't think a tablespoon of oil is a lot, I would think conditioner would remove that pretty well, but perhaps that depends on the hair. Your hair seems thick to me, so it might not be too much oil at all, but I don't know.

Either way it's great you're seeing progress and I hope your hair is happy. :) And when it starts hating it, then maybe clarify - that seems to be the answer to most hair bipolar situations. xD

[JennGalt]

Glad to hear your hair is better these days! And I’m hoping that helped with the depression too :blossom:

I had issues with a Cantu product I originally liked too. Tangling and lack of manageability and some brittleness. It’s a leave in, but one of these days I intend to turn it into a modified SMT. Mixing it with oils as you suggested might be a pretty good idea too. Let us know how it works if you try it that way!

[Starchild494]

I stopped using commercial shampoos and conditioners and noticed that my split ends were crazy! I felt so bad about the breakage that I had my DH cut an inch or so off. I don't mind the cut, as my hair needed it. Now I'm not sure if all that breakage was from the shampoo and stuff, I have started using natural soap and herbs to cleanse my hair.

[lapushka]

So far, the only product I have from Cantu is from their regular line, the leave-in. And I love it, pairs well with gel and so far I have no issues from it at all; but YMMV. Maybe the kids products are differently formulated (would be odd, but still). Could be an accumulation of too many butters and things like that. Who knows.

If your hair is better without it, well, it's great you discovered that!

I'm glad it's going better!!!

[Rebeccalaurenxx]

I'm very happy to hear this too! Your hair is pretty and its exciting that you've got something working.

I don't think a tablespoon of oil is a lot, I would think conditioner would remove that pretty well, but perhaps that depends on the hair. Your hair seems thick to me, so it might not be too much oil at all, but I don't know.

Either way it's great you're seeing progress and I hope your hair is happy. :) And when it starts hating it, then maybe clarify - that seems to be the answer to most hair bipolar situations. xD

I think my conditioner removes a bit, I mean I can tell its lingering anyways because my hair can look a little oily the day of/after wash day, but by day 2/3 and 4/5, my hair has soaked up most of whatever was in my hair and my hair is somehow dry... the longer i stretch washes the drier my hair gets? If that makes sense?
Usually without roo my wash day is a good hair day but by 3/4 my hair is a dry, tangled matted mess.But with the oil, my hair is super oily day 1/2 but by day 3 its starting to dry itself out and because it was so oily/moisturized, day 3/4 ends up being my good hair day.
So I think over doing it, is better because at least my hair will retain moisture for a few more days before it dries out. lol.

[MusicalSpoons]

I'm so glad to read things are looking up right now, that you've found a few things that work! :D :flowers:

[lapushka]

I'm so glad to read things are looking up right now, that you've found a few things that work! :D :flowers:

Yes that was such a nice post, to know it got turned around somehow.