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CreatureBailey
November 10th, 2018, 10:01 PM
I just lost a bunch of my hair just because I made a little braid for fun while doing research. And then I tried to debraid it and it somehow got into a very tight knot.

Now I lost an entire strand and the hairs that got out of it are all damaged.

A bunch of hair that took years to go. Down the drain. Because of 10 seconds of me having fun and distractedly doing a braid.

Can anyone tell me what's even the freaking point of all this anymore ? What's the point of doing all this work if it gets ruined like that because of nonsense? Honestly. I am done. I'm about to just quit it all.

Addy
November 10th, 2018, 10:05 PM
Sorry you lost the strand. Tiny braids can be fun but they need to be unbraided very carefully. I will usually use a rat tail end of a comb to undo one if it's really small and tight.

CreatureBailey
November 10th, 2018, 10:06 PM
I literally just cut off another strand of hair while doing S&D.

I'm done

CreatureBailey
November 10th, 2018, 10:10 PM
The suckiness of all this adds on to the fact that people are always insulting my hair anyway

Why did I ever join this lifestyle? It's a joke for the universe and people. I give up.

Ylva
November 10th, 2018, 10:13 PM
I literally just cut off another strand of hair while doing S&D.

I do this often by accident. Sure, it feels crap for a moment, but then I learn from it and try to be more careful next time.

You, too, can turn this braid incident into a learning experience. You don't have to have long hair if you really detest the care that goes into it, but also, it's not so serious to lose a few strands here and there. I understand you feel pissed about it, but I'm sure you can also get over this unfortunate event and gradually learn to avoid such things. You're only 20, and I'm not much older. We all learn along the way.

Ylva
November 10th, 2018, 10:16 PM
The suckiness of all this adds on to the fact that people are always insulting my hair anyway

Why did I ever join this lifestyle? It's a joke for the universe and people. I give up.

You joined it for you. Your hair is never going to mean very much to another person. Neither does mine. But it does mean a lot to me, and that's why I bother with this. I don't do everything perfectly, but so what. And I honestly don't believe in the universe being some kind of sentient entity that cares about what a single human, or even the entire human race does, or what happens on planet Earth.

If you don't feel that long hair gives you joy, by all means, cut it. But don't do it just because you, for a moment, feel pissed about an unfortunate occurrence. Think about it for a while and if you no longer want to do it, quit.

CreatureBailey
November 10th, 2018, 10:18 PM
I do this often by accident. Sure, it feels crap for a moment, but then I learn from it and try to be more careful next time.

You, too, can turn this braid incident into a learning experience. You don't have to have long hair if you really detest the care that goes into it, but also, it's not so serious to lose a few strands here and there. I understand you feel pissed about it, but I'm sure you can also get over this unfortunate event and gradually learn to avoid such things. You're only 20, and I'm not much older. We all learn along the way.

My hair is so thin, according to most people I have ''no hair''. Even people who really do care about me will throw harsh comments in my face. If I had thick hair cutting off a strand wouldn't be a problem. I just fudged myself up more.

CreatureBailey
November 10th, 2018, 10:21 PM
I feel like I do this entire journey and all I recieve from people is comments about how thin my hair is. No compliments. No ''cool it's long!'' just thinness thinness thinness. I freaking know. It's genetics. And it's not even that extreme. Yet it's all people care to talk about with my hair. I thought having long hair would make people impressed. They are most impressed by the thinness of it even tho it's not that bad. No matter what I do, it'll never be enough.

There is no point. I'll be unhappy both ways.

Ylva
November 10th, 2018, 10:21 PM
My hair is so thin, according to most people I have ''no hair''. Even people who really do care about me will throw harsh comments in my face. If I had thick hair cutting off a strand wouldn't be a problem. I just fudged myself up more.

According to your stats, we both have F/M/ii hair. Now, that's a pretty decent amount of hair, if I do say so myself. I may even be a solid F by some standards. No reason to feel like you have "no hair". Then I have no hair either, and I certainly don't feel that way. People can be insensitive, but it really matters **** all what anyone else thinks about your hair, as long as it gives you joy.

Ylva
November 10th, 2018, 10:25 PM
If you're growing your hair long to impress people, I don't think that's going to stay airborne for a very long time. That may be a side effect of long hair in some cases, but it's not something you should care about in the end. I don't particularly have any memories of "impressing people" with the length of my hair. It's just for me.

Maybe only talk about your hair with people on the LHC. We know well that people outside of the community can make idiotic comments about hair that bring our spirits down.

CreatureBailey
November 10th, 2018, 10:28 PM
If you're growing your hair long to impress people, I don't think that's going to stay airborne for a very long time. That may be a side effect of long hair in some cases, but it's not something you should care about in the end. I don't particularly have any memories of "impressing people" with the length of my hair. It's just for me.

Maybe only talk about your hair with people on the LHC. We know well that people outside of the community can make idiotic comments about hair that bring our spirits down.

I also do it for me.

But everyone - my dad's gf, my classmates, my friends, my family. Everyone. Except my dad. Are in SHOCK over ''HOW THIN'' it is. Constantly pointing it out. Saying it's thin to DEATH. to DEATH. They said that!!! whats the point of growing it ??

Ylva
November 10th, 2018, 10:30 PM
The point of growing is to not give a **** about what they say. It's not their hair, so they don't need to care about how it is, and you can tell them this. You can tell them that you aren't interested in their opinions when it comes to your hair, but say it calmly instead of in a ragey way. There is nothing wrong with thin hair either. Both thin and thick hair have their pros and cons. Thinness-thickness is not a bad-good meter. It's just one thing-something different.

Ylva
November 10th, 2018, 10:31 PM
And honestly, if someone constantly felt like they needed to gasp over how thin someone else's hair is, I'd question their mind a bit as well.

CreatureBailey
November 10th, 2018, 10:49 PM
And honestly, if someone constantly felt like they needed to gasp over how thin someone else's hair is, I'd question their mind a bit as well.

It's not just one someone. It's like everyone around me.

CreatureBailey
November 10th, 2018, 10:50 PM
I seriously lost so much and set myself back so much tonight.

Because of one stupid accident.

Estrid
November 10th, 2018, 11:15 PM
I'm confused, you cut off one hair strand?

Stray_mind
November 10th, 2018, 11:35 PM
Hair is supposed to be fun and make you happy,and not something that stresses you out so much. If you are This anxious about your hair strands then maybe you Should consider having a trim and free yourself of this thing that causes you anxiety.

I am pretty sure your hair is Not thin though and those couple of strands you lost will grow back without you noticing it. I once had a "happy braid" made with a yarn and a shell on the end. It was strenghtened with glue, so i couldn't take it out later. I just cut it all off. I didn't notice when that hair strand grew back honestly.

Joules
November 10th, 2018, 11:55 PM
I also do it for me.

But everyone - my dad's gf, my classmates, my friends, my family. Everyone. Except my dad. Are in SHOCK over ''HOW THIN'' it is. Constantly pointing it out. Saying it's thin to DEATH. to DEATH. They said that!!! whats the point of growing it ??

Geez, how rude can people get??? Do they even realise that what they're saying is absolutely unacceptable, even when a person's hair is thin? No one asked for their opinion in the first place! This is the kind of people I prefer to cut out of my life. They have zero boundaries and zero tact in their heads, who knows what else they can say or do to you?

Thickness doesn't matter, as long as your hair is growing nice and healthy. All those people aren't the best bunch to give them any attention. Besides, your hair is medium thickness, so there's absolutely nothing to be really upset about!

I ripped out a few hairs back in Spring-Summer, I was applying henna and a few hairs on the back of my head got tangled. My hands were covered in henna, so I had no way to carefully detangle it, I got frustrated and ripped the knot out. Regretted it immediately. So hey, everyone's been there at some point, there's a thread somewhere here about hair accidents, some people had waay worse things happen to their hair!

Estrid
November 11th, 2018, 12:26 AM
I agree with the others, hair is not supposed to be something that troubles you to this extent when it goes wrong. I've had to cut out knots a few times, and honestly the shorter hairs are not that noticeable. They will grow, if it's multiple hairs they will get less and less visible over time as they start blending in with the rest of the hair.

The people around you sound very odd, repeating something like that. To me it sounds a bit like it might be a compliment (?), which might sound strange if you take it the other way (I really don't understand the "to death" remark).
I've seen similar scenarios like that when I was in middle school. A few girls with coarse, thick hair would be fascinated with especially one girls hair, her hair was very fine and probably on the thin side, the way it appeared to me was that they liked it, they wanted to braid it and touch it, but they certainly didn't point it out every time they saw it (or focused on "how thin" it was), they just liked it.
I've also had moments like that, admiring someone with thin hair because of how elegant it can look, but I've never been that kind of person to say it out loud to them (or try to play with their hair).
Tell those people to stop commenting on your hair if they can't do it in a decent manner, repeating something over and over sounds irritating to say the least.

The point of growing your hair? Well I suppose the point is completely up to you.

leayellena
November 11th, 2018, 01:43 AM
1. you may have split ends on the length of your hair. braid your hair loosely, then pancake it so the strands will loosen and spread and the splits will poke outside the braid. u cut the little pesky one(s). unbraiding each and every bump of your braid and spreading it to check for internal little hairs that have splits. carefully!!! snip it. and so on. each and every braid bump. usually splits will stop or will become way to unimportant at collarbone length. u can also try side braid so u avoid knotting in the back (btw that's how I began my ever first S&D when my hair was so broken and damaged I couldn't even twist it anymore let alone braid it!). take your time, don't rush because mistakes happen. I also cut an entire strand because I was rushing. oops!
2. explaination why your hair is thin:
a) people look in the middle to the end of your braid, when obviously taper (http://longhairedatheart.blogspot.com/2010/03/even-hemline-without-loosing-length.html) (thining) happens. that's why thin haired girls are into boho and pancake their braid(s).
b) because of too many mistakes u actually thinned out your length so much! not paying attention and cutting a bigger strand here, another strand there, etc. u actually thinned out the length too much. u can try microtrims and eventually with care, paying attention when u s&d, moisturizing your hair regularily, bunning it stable for the whole day it helps; a lot! even I have half of my hair tapered but I don't care. eventualy my taper will grow, my braid will become normally "thick" but my hair will be healthier than any saloon styled hair can ever be!
c) u never said if u use craft scissors(!) get rid of them and invest in hair scissors. I love my hair scissors, bought them last year and I can't imagine using them for something else than my hair! don't even think to cut the thinniest paper with hair scissors because paper roughs your scissors and damages your hair.
d) if u can't s&d using braid method, try the twist method. twist hair, then S&D. try also sectioning and twisting, then S&D, try also loosening and spreading out the previously sectioned hair then s&d. this last methos helps a lot in gettting rid of internal damage. trust me when I am telling u no hairdresser knows or want to know about this method. it takes too much time. u can take your time when there's commercials on tv or simply when u are bored.
e) least but not last, checking your pony circ. may help. u can have an idea what thin vs normal is. u may be in the thin part of ii (less than 3" or 7 cm pony circ.) as I am on the thicker part of ii (3.35" or 8.50 cm pony circ.). also keep in mind that pony circ. / thickness may change due to stress or hair care.

lapushka
November 11th, 2018, 04:04 AM
It was just one strand. That is *nothing* in the grand scheme of things. And nothing compared to the hair you have left. And ii isn't exactly thin. What is my mom supposed to say with her i hair, and others here with i hair? :)

It's all relative.

Yes people can be rude, but you can't keep repeating it over and over in your head; let it go, and do *you*. That's what all of us do, or we wouldn't have hair on our heads. ;)

I think this might be about more than "just" hair.

You can't get this upset over a single strand of hair, honestly. :flower:

Simsy
November 11th, 2018, 04:13 AM
I also do it for me.

But everyone - my dad's gf, my classmates, my friends, my family. Everyone. Except my dad. Are in SHOCK over ''HOW THIN'' it is. Constantly pointing it out. Saying it's thin to DEATH. to DEATH. They said that!!! whats the point of growing it ??

So here’s the thing. Everyone pancakes braids these days; because big hair is apparently popular and what “everyone” wants. It’s also a matter of perspective. Tight braids are going to look thin; that’s what happens when you compact hair down. It’s why tiny buns here tend to come as a shock to the muggles; tightly packed hair tends to not look as impressive as the normal buns in RL, which are mostly air and gaps. If you can be happy with the hair you have, no one gets to have any further say in it.

browneyedsusan
November 11th, 2018, 05:40 AM
It was just one strand. That is *nothing* in the grand scheme of things. And nothing compared to the hair you have left. And ii isn't exactly thin. What is my mom supposed to say with her i hair, and others here with i hair? :)

It's all relative.

Yes people can be rude, but you can't keep repeating it over and over in your head; let it go, and do *you*. That's what all of us do, or we wouldn't have hair on our heads. ;)

I think this might be about more than "just" hair.

You can't get this upset over a single strand of hair, honestly. :flower:

I agree.
There is more going on here. Your hair sounds similiar to mine, and I think I'm recovering from a shed. I try not to think about how thin it is, and just do the best with what I've got. :)

Sarahlabyrinth
November 11th, 2018, 07:57 AM
All you can do is do your best to enjoy the hair that you have and remember that the hair you cut is already growing back. Learn some new styles, treat your hair kindly, ignore rude comments about it and come and get encouragement here when you need it. We all have times when we are unhappy with our hair and that's the best time to put it up and forget about it for a few weeks or months. Feelings about your hair can fluctuate, from feeling good about it to feeling bad about it. Don't take it out on your hair because you are currently feeling bad about it. Those feelings will pass, your hair is re growing, and it will all get better.

And find some people who don't have a strange fixation on your hair, they sound pretty rude to me.

MusicalSpoons
November 11th, 2018, 08:20 AM
I am sorry that the people in your life feel it's acceptable to make such comments - have you told them it upsets you? If you are able to put some distance between them and you that would probably help, but if that's not an option then it may be worth considering what you can do to change the situation somehow.

If you're growing your hair for yourself, I would advise putting your hair up and out of sight so they stop going on about it. You can enjoy it yourself when caring for it and enjoy knowing it's still there even when it's up (and actually keeping it up and protected using a hairstick or fork or something else hair-friendly is probably the best thing you can do for it). If you're growing it at least partially to impress others, as some other posters have said, that's not really going to work for very long :flower:

As for the braid experience, I think we've all made mistakes and had to cut out knots before. The key is to learn from it in order to avoid making the same mistake again. When I've taken out tiny braids in the past, I learned to keep all of the rest of my hair out of the way, either tied up or at least over the opposite shoulder, and take it out bump by bump, separating the ends of each section/strand so they don't tangle each other up.

lithostoic
November 11th, 2018, 09:06 AM
One strand or one chunk?? I can see if it was a chunk of hair, being a bit upset, but still not as upset as this. It seems your hair is a constant stressor for you and every other post you make is crying about how something miniscule has happened to your hair. It is not worth the obsession just to have long pretty hair. If you have to cut it all off to feel better that is okay.

Why are you so concerned over other people's opinions? It seems like you are purposely putting yourself in these situations.

CreatureBailey
November 11th, 2018, 09:10 AM
The hairs that were part of the accident weren't part of my actual full hair length that goes to classic length, luckily !

I have some shorter strands of hair that started growing from the top back of my head a few years ago. It started growing when I started taking really good care of my hair so I don't know what they are but I'm gald they showed up. Those strands are way behind the rest of my hair anyway, so if one of them got set back a little it doesn't matter as much as if I had had the accident with a strand going to classic. :eek:

The hair lost was less than 1 year's worth of growth so I know it will grow back and blend in. Should I do a drastic trim on those mysterious new, shorter strands because I never did, I let them grow naturally so they are all tapered now...

I think I wouldn't freak out so much if people just loved my hair. If people would just say nice things. Yet this is what everyone says...

My aunt: *looking at me mockingly with a smirk* You have no hair, you.
My grandmother: Yes it's all thin compared to your cousin!
Dad's girlfriend: I noticed your hair, it's sparse.
Friend from years ago: It's just that, we see your scalp too much?
Uncle's girlfriend: Wow you have a long braid! IT'S NOT THICK, THO :O !
Coworker: Her hair is so thin!
Friend: How do you have such long hair? Like, you have longer hair than me but you have like nothing!
Ex's mother: Yes it's very long, but very thin...
Classmate: It's so thin tho! Other classmates joining: Omg, yeaaahh!! :O
Classmate: Omg look at the tiny braid! My hair is like 4x what you have!
Other classmate: *french braiding my hair* it's so thin tho!
Other classmate: It's thiiiin tho!! It's thin to DEATH!
Friend: Well, your hair is long. But you don't have a lot?

I probably forget some.

I don't get why they are all stuck on how thin it is. If you took 100 people my age and placed them from the thinnest to the thickest (percentile) I would probably be on the thinner hemisphere of the row but I wouldn't be the first person....

Would I?

I think I freak out so much because I already know that people think (bad?) about my hair. People can notice it's thin, but they don't need to exagerate it. They don't need to hyperbole it.

Just like when I see a person with thick hair, I don't say: ''Wow your hair is so thick! I can't even see 3 meters all around you!''

When people exagerate the thinness of my hair it's just brutally insulting. They say that like it's a bad thing. ''Thin to death'' ''no hair''. Also when people comment on thick hair, they have a joyful, impressed face. When people comment on my thin hair, they have a surprised, impressed face. Like it's not a good thin.

And they act overly surprised as if I was the worst case in the world. It's not the worst case. It's not *the* thinness ever.

I feel like I am being brutally insulted all the time. And when it happens I don't want to just start argue so I just stand there, my face all red, my face shocked but trying to remain calm, feeling like I just got brutally insulted again.

I wish I could agree that they are just jealous. But it really seems like they are just genuinely impressed. Why would all of these people all be jealous? It really seems like they are just actually impressed you know? I wish it was just jealousy because then I would know it's not true...

I wouldn't freak out about my hair so much if it wasn't constantly getting brutally insulted all the time. I walk around wanting people to be like '' :) Wow! such long hair! yay!'' and instead I'm like ''Do I really look (sorry for the negative word- don't mean to offend) bad?'' ''Do I really just look bad to others? I was hoping they would be positively impressed... turns out there's nothing I'll ever be able to do... I'll never positively impress people with my long hair...''

It's like I could grow my hair to my knees like a fantasy creature and people won't ever stop saying ''Pff yea but it's thin tho''.

People won't ever stop seeing the negative aspect of it.

If people already complimented my hair I wouldn't freak out over the strand accident. But when something like that happens all of those comments come and creep in my mind.

MusicalSpoons
November 11th, 2018, 09:28 AM
In that case, I'm going to repeat what I said before:
if they're not going to change the things they say, you can think about what you can do to change the situation somehow. The quickest and easiest solution I can think of is to put your hair up, away, and out of sight. Then they have no reason to comment on it at all, and you can enjoy your hair when you take it down to care for it, and you can enjoy knowing it's there even when it's up and protected. Wearing it down or in a braid makes no sense when doing so brings unwanted negative comments.

I'm not unsympathetic; I've dealt with and am still dealing with some difficult situations that cannot be changed. It's good to process it and work out how you feel and why you feel that way, but at some point you have to make a choice:
do you keep feeling like a victim, let things stay as they are and nothing ever gets better?
Or
Do you do something within your power to make something different, even just a tiny positive change? Even if you cannot change your external circumstances, you can try to change how you view the situation and how you act/react. In this situation, putting your hair up seems to me to be a fairly simple solution :flower:

(And no, it's not fair that you should be made to feel like this. But it is what it is, and if you can't make them not say the comments when they see your hair, just don't let them see it :shrug: )

lithostoic
November 11th, 2018, 09:56 AM
I find it very odd that people would make such comments and so frequently. I hear a comment about my hair maybe once every month or two. Maybe you are not surrounding yourself with people who want to see you happy. Please stop subjecting yourself to this torture. Next time someone makes a snide remark, make one right back to them and ask them how it feels.

lapushka
November 11th, 2018, 10:02 AM
If it's classic length, and ii, or as thin as "they" claim, then the updo possibilities are virtually *endless*. I would go search some bun-styles on YT on how to do them and practice. This will give you some time with your hair, with something positive to do with it. And it will be out of sight and no one can comment on it anymore.

I wear my hair up all the time, except for at night.

Sarahlabyrinth
November 11th, 2018, 10:09 AM
If your hair is ii, then it's normal thickness, not "thin". So those people have no idea what they are talking about. The best way to stop them saying these things is to wear your hair bunned, then they won't see the length, or any so-called "thinness." Easier to do that than to spend your days listening to negative and very rude remarks. I hope you tell them how rude they are being... if they are young then they are most likely immature and prone to being insensitive (from what you say about them).

Decide that you won't put up with this nonsense any more. As in "I'm not here to decorate your world. If you don't like my hair, don't look at it."

CreatureBailey
November 11th, 2018, 10:38 AM
Here is a pic of a (french braid? I think) my classmate did in my hair. About a month ago.

https://imgur.com/a/t9fcZO8

Sarahlabyrinth
November 11th, 2018, 10:43 AM
Here is a pic of a (french braid? I think) my classmate did in my hair. About a month ago.

https://imgur.com/a/t9fcZO8

...And nothing wrong with it.

CreatureBailey
November 11th, 2018, 10:49 AM
...And nothing wrong with it.

Yea I know... why does everyone say I have no hair or it's thin to death...

Sometimes it's really oily goes I wash it every 3 days so it prob doesn't help.

ravenskey
November 11th, 2018, 10:50 AM
Wow, your hair is not thin CreatureBailey. My first IRL long hair inspiration was a friend of mine with HL hair. It was magnificent and nowhere near as thick as yours but that didn't matter in the slightest - it still looked great and so does yours! Don't let other people drag you down, your hair is lovely!

CreatureBailey
November 11th, 2018, 10:54 AM
Wow, your hair is not thin CreatureBailey. My first IRL long hair inspiration was a friend of mine with HL hair. It was magnificent and nowhere near as thick as yours but that didn't matter in the slightest - it still looked great and so does yours! Don't let other people drag you down, your hair is lovely!

Thank you :grouphug:

Sarahlabyrinth
November 11th, 2018, 10:57 AM
Yea I know... why does everyone say I have no hair or it's thin to death...

Sometimes it's really oily goes I wash it every 3 days so it prob doesn't help.

So now you know they are lying when they say it's thin, so you can just laugh at them. My hair looks just like yours when it's french braided, it compacts a lot in braids.

spitfire511
November 11th, 2018, 11:02 AM
Seconding everything else you’ve heard here OP.

There was someone I’ve known that had a pat response of “It’s a good thing I’m not here to decorate your world then” when someone said something unkind about her appearance in some way.

Sounds like the larger concern here is why you’d want to spend any more time than necessary with people who would consider speaking to you this way. Ignore them, put the hair out of their sight and get on with your lovely locks!!

lithostoic
November 11th, 2018, 11:02 AM
I like that braid! Your hair reminds me of the women in my family.

*Wednesday*
November 11th, 2018, 11:13 AM
CB, your braid is fine.
People seem unusually preoccupied with your hair to keep mentioning your hair type as some type of flaw. Unless they all have thick and bushy hair? Many people have fine even wispy hair and is extremely common and normal.

Really such a shame you have been brainwashed into believing your hair is not normal. Unless you have medical issues and have progressive thinning should be more supportive of you.

Stray_mind
November 11th, 2018, 11:25 AM
That braid looks pretty! I like your hair color too. It looks a lot like mine. :)

blackgothicdoll
November 11th, 2018, 11:34 AM
Wow, your braid is so pretty. Your hair doesn't look even the slightest bit then. I can't think of why people would constantly talk about your hair. Outside of a hair board, unless you have a huge colorful mohawk, people don't just talk about hair like that.

I agree with updos, as it will save your from stress by hiding your hair a bit, and hopefully others will shut up. Now I'm not big on doing anything to appease other people, but if it gets to the point that they are causing you this much stress, maybe a slight change is needed. Second to that, the next time someone decides to talk about your hair, I would tell them that you would prefer they stop (in whatever way you feel comfortable doing so that is not argumentative or confrontational). Sometimes it's that simple.

I hope you feel better. I get very frustrated about my hair too, so I definitely know where you're coming from. Sometimes taking a step back, wearing a different style and getting my mind away from it help just a little bit. :)

Ligeia Noire
November 11th, 2018, 11:44 AM
;) edit edit edit

CreatureBailey
November 11th, 2018, 11:45 AM
Thanks guys :grnbiggri:cloud9: I think imma start using my sticks lol. Also I think I will start asking people if it's a bad thing.

One time my coworkers said my hair was thin. And because I felt really comfortable with them I asked them ''is it negative? is it like an insult?'' and they instantly went : ''noo sweetie!! it's not negative! we wish we had this hair type because it's so much more convenient!'' and then they started showing me their thick hair, saying it was too much. and they said : ''we're not saying it negatively. we're admiring it! you're lucky!!'' and i was like: ''...i...never thought of it like that...''

Yeah, I think next time i'll ask them to clarify if it's a negative thing, or just *a* thing. Or maybe a positive thing !

CreatureBailey
November 11th, 2018, 11:53 AM
A lot of people have theories that these people are just jealous, but the thing is none of them actually seem jealous at all. They seem like they are genuinely having that opinion.

Maybe some of them are actually saying what they feel, maybe some of them are jealous. Do you guys think they could be...subconsciously jealous? As in, they feel driven to say these comments, because deep inside in their subconscious they are jealous, but even them don't even realize they are? Which could explain why they feel the need to point the negative out, yet while not seeming jealous?

Sarahlabyrinth
November 11th, 2018, 12:00 PM
Who knows? Does it really matter? What I do if I want my braid to look thicker is, I add a paranda to it, I have several in different colours, and that REALLY gives people something to talk about. It makes my hair look thicker and longer, too, and I like that!

CreatureBailey
November 11th, 2018, 12:14 PM
Hehe ! Paranda... oh that looks cool! Should look into that.

When I'm in the shower my hair now stops at my thighs from the back!!! When I grab them and pin them to my body. Yeah!

*happy yodel in the background*

blackgothicdoll
November 11th, 2018, 12:15 PM
Thanks guys :grnbiggri:cloud9: I think imma start using my sticks lol. Also I think I will start asking people if it's a bad thing.

One time my coworkers said my hair was thin. And because I felt really comfortable with them I asked them ''is it negative? is it like an insult?'' and they instantly went : ''noo sweetie!! it's not negative! we wish we had this hair type because it's so much more convenient!'' and then they started showing me their thick hair, saying it was too much. and they said : ''we're not saying it negatively. we're admiring it! you're lucky!!'' and i was like: ''...i...never thought of it like that...''

Yeah, I think next time i'll ask them to clarify if it's a negative thing, or just *a* thing. Or maybe a positive thing !

Are you a minority where you live? I can definitely see it as being shock and fascination. In that case, they may have no idea how rude they're actually coming across.

Sarahlabyrinth
November 11th, 2018, 12:16 PM
Hehe ! Paranda... oh that looks cool! Should look into that.

When I'm in the shower my hair now stops at my thighs from the back!!! When I grab them and pin them to my body. Yeah!

*happy yodel in the background*

Enjoy having fun with your hair! :D It's long, now!

vpatt
November 11th, 2018, 12:17 PM
I am saying this from my own experience....there are those of us who attract these comments more than others. This was me from about age 12 or 13 up into my twenties. Not about my hair, about my size. I am tall and I was so thin. I heard comments from people I knew and people I didn't know. They would sometimes laugh when saying these things. It hurt me terribly and made me so self conscious that it took years for me to feel comfortable in my own skin. I believe it had to do with my personality, I was quiet and shy and for some reason people felt happy to make me feel bad. Olive Oyl and stringbean and stretch were some of my nicknames. I heard so many jokes about my size....why do you wear a bra, if you had no hands you wouldn't wear gloves. I bet you have to run around in the shower to get wet. I had a friend who was over weight and tho I never mentioned her weight she loved talking about my size in a bad way.

I think partly I stopped being around those people and partly I developed a wee attitude. But you have to be careful lest you become one of them. I might ask some of them why they are concerned so much about your hair. Or thank them for their concern but tell them you have it under control. You might explain to some that they are being hurtful. But mostly I think I would stay away from them even if they are in the family. And I think keeping your hair up is a great option. I don't know what it is about otherwise seemingly nice people that makes them so free with hurtful words. Just don't allow them to do that to you anymore. I bet there is a website that gives advice about responding to rude people. Something I found helpful was to come up with some responses beforehand....and not to be cruel...who wants to act like that kind of person.

Your braid looks great to me, I really like it.

My braid is much thinner after 2 major sheds, but it's mine and I'm gonna keep it.

CreatureBailey
November 11th, 2018, 12:24 PM
Are you a minority where you live? I can definitely see it as being shock and fascination. In that case, they may have no idea how rude they're actually coming across.

Minority ? What do you mean? I don't think I would be haha

CreatureBailey
November 11th, 2018, 12:24 PM
Enjoy having fun with your hair! :D It's long, now!

My goal is to be at mid-thigh by the end of my first year at college, and to knee by the end of the second. :)

CreatureBailey
November 11th, 2018, 12:26 PM
I am saying this from my own experience....there are those of us who attract these comments more than others. This was me from about age 12 or 13 up into my twenties. Not about my hair, about my size. I am tall and I was so thin. I heard comments from people I knew and people I didn't know. They would sometimes laugh when saying these things. It hurt me terribly and made me so self conscious that it took years for me to feel comfortable in my own skin. I believe it had to do with my personality, I was quiet and shy and for some reason people felt happy to make me feel bad. Olive Oyl and stringbean and stretch were some of my nicknames. I heard so many jokes about my size....why do you wear a bra, if you had no hands you wouldn't wear gloves. I bet you have to run around in the shower to get wet. I had a friend who was over weight and tho I never mentioned her weight she loved talking about my size in a bad way.

I think partly I stopped being around those people and partly I developed a wee attitude. But you have to be careful lest you become one of them. I might ask some of them why they are concerned so much about your hair. Or thank them for their concern but tell them you have it under control. You might explain to some that they are being hurtful. But mostly I think I would stay away from them even if they are in the family. And I think keeping your hair up is a great option. I don't know what it is about otherwise seemingly nice people that makes them so free with hurtful words. Just don't allow them to do that to you anymore. I bet there is a website that gives advice about responding to rude people. Something I found helpful was to come up with some responses beforehand....and not to be cruel...who wants to act like that kind of person.

Your braid looks great to me, I really like it.

My braid is much thinner after 2 major sheds, but it's mine and I'm gonna keep it.

Ughh no! I'm so sorry they said these things to you! I don't get why people feel the need to comment on people's looks so much. As long as we are healthy, who cares? You never deserved that. I'm so glad I can come here to sensible people who know what they are talking about and are supportive!

Sarahlabyrinth
November 11th, 2018, 12:27 PM
My goal is to be at mid-thigh by the end of my first year at college, and to knee by the end of the second. :)

Keep on being patient, and gentle with your hair and it will keep growing for you :)

Wendyclaire
November 11th, 2018, 12:48 PM
I’ve done that too. Not by braiding but by not being as careful as I should. I’m a Harley rider (passenger) and I would just put it in a ponytail and let it fly in the wind. Last summer I came home from a ride and it was such a tangled mess I lost it and pulled out a full length of hair (about a quarter inch around) near my hairline. It was a devastating feeling and I remember sitting there staring at it in hanging from my brush in disbelief that I’d done that! I still have a bit of a space there but it looks more like a wave in that spot but it’s growing back. Now the ponytail goes down inside my shirt and hair is neatly held down inside my helmet. Try not to feel bad. We’ve all done something.
My family was like that. Whatever I did, there was something wrong with it. I finally had to seek help and was told that in some families they’ll pick on someone and then everyone else just piles on. You sound like your personality is similar to mine. I really couldn’t speak up. To me, it’s tougher on me and more stressful to fight back. I had to limit my time and I started to ignore and walk away when the comments started. It’s so difficult to suffer comments like that from family, friends. A lot of great advice from people here on LHC. Women friends can be the worst. I’d only trust comments about hair from this site.
By the way, your hair looks great! I wish mine was like that!

Sarahlabyrinth
November 11th, 2018, 12:51 PM
I hope you are feeling better now, CreatureBailey :) :grouphug:

CreatureBailey
November 11th, 2018, 12:51 PM
I’ve done that too. Not by braiding but by not being as careful as I should. I’m a Harley rider (passenger) and I would just put it in a ponytail and let it fly in the wind. Last summer I came home from a ride and it was such a tangled mess I lost it and pulled out a full length of hair (about a quarter inch around) near my hairline. It was a devastating feeling and I remember sitting there staring at it in hanging from my brush in disbelief that I’d done that! I still have a bit of a space there but it looks more like a wave in that spot but it’s growing back. Now the ponytail goes down inside my shirt and hair is neatly held down inside my helmet. Try not to feel bad. We’ve all done something.
My family was like that. Whatever I did, there was something wrong with it. I finally had to seek help and was told that in some families they’ll pick on someone and then everyone else just piles on. You sound like your personality is similar to mine. I really couldn’t speak up. To me, it’s tougher on me and more stressful to fight back. I had to limit my time and I started to ignore and walk away when the comments started. It’s so difficult to suffer comments like that from family, friends. A lot of great advice from people here on LHC. Women friends can be the worst. I’d only trust comments about hair from this site.
By the way, your hair looks great! I wish mine was like that!

It makes me feel much better to be told that we all made some hair mistake at some point. It's inevitable, so when it happens we should be reassured that it was ''only'' that and not the full length... :)

lapushka
November 11th, 2018, 02:21 PM
<goes and checks out the braid>

That is honestly a normal, average, thickness; nothing thin about it. And even if it was thin, so what?

It's not thick as in iii thick, but it's not thin either. Besides, that looks like a pretty tightly done braid. If I do mine that tightly it compacts quite a bit as well.

Don't listen to those people.

And remember, losing that strand isn't the end of the world.

CreatureBailey
November 11th, 2018, 02:42 PM
<goes and checks out the braid>

That is honestly a normal, average, thickness; nothing thin about it. And even if it was thin, so what?

It's not thick as in iii thick, but it's not thin either. Besides, that looks like a pretty tightly done braid. If I do mine that tightly it compacts quite a bit as well.

Don't listen to those people.

And remember, losing that strand isn't the end of the world.

Thanks ^_^ I'll try to take a pic of my ponytail later so you guys can see what my thickness in my ponytail is

Wendyclaire
November 11th, 2018, 04:05 PM
It makes me feel much better to be told that we all made some hair mistake at some point. It's inevitable, so when it happens we should be reassured that it was ''only'' that and not the full length... :)

We all do make mistakes with hair. I’m 64 and I’m sure I will make more! Don’t feel bad if you’re one that doesn’t speak up and fight back. Just be yourself and do what makes you feel good about yourself. I used to get so upset with myself when I couldn’t come back with a comment and would just smile. It would bother me so much I’d obsess about what I should’ve said for days, usually in the shower! I finally got to the point where I just didn’t care what others said and was able to drop it. I don’t know how old you are but it’ll get better. Never blame yourself!!

Addy
November 12th, 2018, 11:10 AM
I have a thin braid. My auntie has thinner hair than I do but at classic length for her, she had stunningly beautiful hair! Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. If you love your hair, don't worry what others feel your hair should be. It's not theirs. It's yours!

Natalia_A00
November 12th, 2018, 11:44 AM
If it just a strand of hair, it can't be that bad :( I understand you, I get very stressed about damaged and not getting my hair caught up in things, but I'm sure nobody will actually notice the difference, that strand of hair missing. It will grow back before you notice! If you have gone so far, it's a pity you leave the journey, but of course it's up to you! I remember when my hairdresser cut my hair more than I wanted, I freaked out and cried for hours, because it took a long time to reach that length. But nobody seemed to notice that my hair was in fact, shorter. Now it has grown back and it's longer than ever

Natalia_A00
November 12th, 2018, 11:46 AM
People can be very mean anyways, I receive comments from my mother everyday and sometimes it can put me off, but I don't want her negativity affect me. Same with other people's comments. They only focus on the negative

Natalia_A00
November 12th, 2018, 11:51 AM
A lot of people have theories that these people are just jealous, but the thing is none of them actually seem jealous at all. They seem like they are genuinely having that opinion.

Maybe some of them are actually saying what they feel, maybe some of them are jealous. Do you guys think they could be...subconsciously jealous? As in, they feel driven to say these comments, because deep inside in their subconscious they are jealous, but even them don't even realize they are? Which could explain why they feel the need to point the negative out, yet while not seeming jealous?
Maybe it's because people seem very bothered when somebody does something "unusual" or "rare." Or maybe they don't like hair that long (it's okay, it's their opinion but if you only have negative things to say with no constructive criticism, please shut the hell up :)). Whether they're shocked, jealous or don't like the idea, maybe they are pointing out the negative things they see because they want you to stop doing it. Because for some people, it's upsetting that others choose other options. This happens with everything in life, I guess. And them being this way doesn't mean there's something wrong with your hair, at all!

lucid
November 12th, 2018, 02:38 PM
Love how your braid looks, the length of it and the long, soft-looking tail!

I used to get a lot of comments on the thickness of my hair before, and I know it can be upsetting. After I joined LHC and got new input regarding my hair and normal standards, comments like those don't bother me anymore. Sometimes people just say what they're thinking out loud without it necessarily being either positive or negative. I think comments like that mostly are either neauteal or positive. Like what you experienced when the people explained that their comment wasn't meant in a negative way, it was simply an observation said out loud.

I think we have around the same thickness, lower end of ii based on your braid, so it's on the thinner side of normal/average, however, it is still within the normal thickness range. Thinner hair is convenient and can look just as pretty.

akurah
November 12th, 2018, 02:49 PM
I feel like I do this entire journey and all I recieve from people is comments about how thin my hair is. No compliments. No ''cool it's long!'' just thinness thinness thinness. I freaking know. It's genetics. And it's not even that extreme. Yet it's all people care to talk about with my hair. I thought having long hair would make people impressed. They are most impressed by the thinness of it even tho it's not that bad. No matter what I do, it'll never be enough.

There is no point. I'll be unhappy both ways.

So I am very late to this party, and I haven't read the entire thread, but on this note... Do you talk to people about your hair? If you do, stop. Stop talking about the new hair clip you got, stop talking about the new shampoo you want to try, stop talking about anything hair related. If you broach the subject, people talk about it, and people are usually very thoughtless which can lead to them being rude. Save talking about hair for safe spaces like here or with people who you know won't be nasty to you about it.

If you don't broach the subject and they bring it up, very firmly tell them it's not a topic up for discussion. Hold fast to that. Tell them to shut up if you have to. Remove yourself from the situation if necessary.

If people know hair is an off-limit topic for you and respect that, then you do not have to hear them say stupid hurtful things like "Oh it's so thin!"

CreatureBailey
November 12th, 2018, 06:40 PM
So I am very late to this party, and I haven't read the entire thread, but on this note... Do you talk to people about your hair? If you do, stop. Stop talking about the new hair clip you got, stop talking about the new shampoo you want to try, stop talking about anything hair related. If you broach the subject, people talk about it, and people are usually very thoughtless which can lead to them being rude. Save talking about hair for safe spaces like here or with people who you know won't be nasty to you about it.

If you don't broach the subject and they bring it up, very firmly tell them it's not a topic up for discussion. Hold fast to that. Tell them to shut up if you have to. Remove yourself from the situation if necessary.

If people know hair is an off-limit topic for you and respect that, then you do not have to hear them say stupid hurtful things like "Oh it's so thin!"

I don't talk to people about it lol. I just walk around with my long ponytail. But nah, I never talk about hair. Or, I'll walk around with a fish tail braid. People just start commenting that it's thin.

Thing is, they don't necessarily mean to be rude or hurtful. And if I reply ''it's an off-limit topic'' it seems like it would seem off. Kinda as if you went to a person and said ''Oh your shirt is really colorful today''. And the person would get all defensive and go ''it's an off-limit topic''. You'd think ''Ummm what is wrong with that person whaaaa''.

I want to ask them if it's a negative thing, and defend myself, but without seeming too intense. Cause, while you guys know what's up in our ''fandom?'' and what we feel about our hair and certain stuff, other people don't. And it would come off as really odd to drastically get all intense with the subject.

I think if it happens I'll be like: ''Yeah, kinda, but..is it a negative thing?'' And then I'll say ''I'm always hoping it isn't, because some people in my family have actually laughed at me for that. So when people mention it, I tend to think it's probably a bad comment.'' And then I'll say ''there's nothing I can do to change that cause it's genetics, but it's not that bad and it has its plus's''

spidermom
November 12th, 2018, 08:00 PM
CB, honestly, you need a thicker skin. I know what I'm talking about. I was the kid everyone picked on in middle school and into high school because they could get a reaction out of me - I'd cry or try to defend myself or run away; often all 3. I must have made so many people feel better about themselves back then. They could always count on me to validate their superiority. I was so stuck between my own ears back then that I couldn't see outside of myself, but looking back I remember seeing other people get picked on who could laugh it off or flip it back at the other person, and it was no fun to pick on them because they didn't let it get to them. In my old age, I've become one of those people. I just assume that people mean the things they say to me in the nicest possible way, and if anybody is insulting me, I don't even know it. It's taken a long time to get to this point, however.

You can try to do everything in your power to be what people want you to be, and there will still be somebody who will find fault just to make themselves feel the tiniest bit better than you. Don't let them.

illicitlizard
November 12th, 2018, 08:06 PM
I find it very odd that people would make such comments and so frequently. I hear a comment about my hair maybe once every month or two. Maybe you are not surrounding yourself with people who want to see you happy. Please stop subjecting yourself to this torture. Next time someone makes a snide remark, make one right back to them and ask them how it feels.

^^ This. Why are people around you so intent on being negative?


Here is a pic of a (french braid? I think) my classmate did in my hair. About a month ago.

https://imgur.com/a/t9fcZO8

Also your hair looks great! Perfectly normal and healthy, and you've got some great length going on. Sorry you have to deal with so much negativity, just know it's unwarranted.

akurah
November 12th, 2018, 08:47 PM
I don't talk to people about it lol. I just walk around with my long ponytail. But nah, I never talk about hair. Or, I'll walk around with a fish tail braid. People just start commenting that it's thin.

Thing is, they don't necessarily mean to be rude or hurtful. And if I reply ''it's an off-limit topic'' it seems like it would seem off. Kinda as if you went to a person and said ''Oh your shirt is really colorful today''. And the person would get all defensive and go ''it's an off-limit topic''. You'd think ''Ummm what is wrong with that person whaaaa''.

I want to ask them if it's a negative thing, and defend myself, but without seeming too intense. Cause, while you guys know what's up in our ''fandom?'' and what we feel about our hair and certain stuff, other people don't. And it would come off as really odd to drastically get all intense with the subject.

I think if it happens I'll be like: ''Yeah, kinda, but..is it a negative thing?'' And then I'll say ''I'm always hoping it isn't, because some people in my family have actually laughed at me for that. So when people mention it, I tend to think it's probably a bad comment.'' And then I'll say ''there's nothing I can do to change that cause it's genetics, but it's not that bad and it has its plus's''

C'mon, you know better than that. The analogy of "that topic is off limits" with the shirt comparison you provided? That's not a correct comparison, that's a logical fallacy. It's apples to oranges--it's comparing a body part that you cannot help the condition of versus an object you chose to wear.

You need to start setting boundaries if you want to be a healthy adult, and you need to start enforcing them. Telling your dad, for example, or your coworker you see every week, for example, that their unkind comments on your hair is unwelcome and will no longer be tolerated is completely appropriate. And if you choose not to set and enforce those boundaries, your only other option is to develop thicker skin. The ideal solution is to do both.

AutobotsAttack
November 12th, 2018, 09:10 PM
I’m going to actually to comment on what this post was originally about. You’re freaking out over a few strands of hair breaking? It’ll be fine. I can guarantee it’s not even the slightest bit noticeable to anyone else, probably not even yourself. You’d do yourself good to stop obsessing over your own hair. Recently I had to cut four or five clumped pieces of hair out because they were just too far gone for me to try and save. Can’t even tell where I had to cut, and this was a couple of days ago. You’ll be fine.

CreatureBailey
November 12th, 2018, 09:40 PM
I know I need thicker skin, but I just want to not feel like people actually think bad of my hair y'know? It reassures me so much tho, to come here and realize that people who know a lot about the subject actually reassure me, cause you guys are more credible since like I said, you know more !

Also akurah I didn't even realize the shirt comparision didn't make sense XDD It makes sense now that you say it

And yeah, the strands don't show. If an accident had to happen, and only that happened, then i'm grateful. :pray:

Here's a pic of my hair in a ponytail

https://imgur.com/a/brL502u

Here's my hair loose

https://imgur.com/a/3dG4sdf

It's wavy and tangles. When wet it reaches its full length

Groovy Granny
November 12th, 2018, 09:49 PM
I’m going to actually to comment on what this post was originally about. You’re freaking out over a few strands of hair breaking? It’ll be fine. I can guarantee it’s not even the slightest bit noticeable to anyone else, probably not even yourself. You’d do yourself good to stop obsessing over your own hair. Recently I had to cut four or five clumped pieces of hair out because they were just too far gone for me to try and save. Can’t even tell where I had to cut, and this was a couple of days ago. You’ll be fine.

I agree....and caught my own hair in a zipper just last week!:doh:

Yes I cringed and admit I had a slight wave of panic run over me for a sec :tmi: (until I got it out lol) ...but we both survived; it is hair and will grow back :shrug:

You do YOU...what makes YOU happy...IGNORE negative comments :lala:

And don't try to please others because you will never please them all ..ever! :wigtongue

Your hair pics look great I think...very pretty in fact....and LHC even affirms it..... so ENJOY IT and your life...which is too short and precious to waste fretting over your hair :cheer:

akurah
November 12th, 2018, 10:16 PM
I know I need thicker skin, but I just want to not feel like people actually think bad of my hair y'know? It reassures me so much tho, to come here and realize that people who know a lot about the subject actually reassure me, cause you guys are more credible since like I said, you know more !

Also akurah I didn't even realize the shirt comparision didn't make sense XDD It makes sense now that you say it

And yeah, the strands don't show. If an accident had to happen, and only that happened, then i'm grateful. :pray:

Here's a pic of my hair in a ponytail

https://imgur.com/a/brL502u

Here's my hair loose

https://imgur.com/a/3dG4sdf

It's wavy and tangles. When wet it reaches its full length

People probably don't think much of your hair either way. I generally don't think much about my friend's physical attributes. Like, I'm aware of them, for example, a few of my friends are balding but keep their hair long, a few of my friends have scars on their face, some of them are slim, some of them are fat, and in the end, none of that matters to me because it's not important to me (irregardless of if it's important to them or not--some of the traits they have that are not important to me despite my awareness of them could still be important to them).

People can be rather unthinking when they run their mouth, and might say something rude without intending to. I know when I was younger I used to say things that were hurtful that in hindsight didn't need to be said, things in the same vein of people telling you "oh your hair is thin!" though I can't remember exact examples. I don't do it anymore, and I don't think I've done it in a long time, because if something isn't important to say, or if it's hurtful to say, or if it could be interpreted in a way I do not mean, I try not to say it. Obviously I still mess up from time to time, but I'm a lot more careful with my words now than i used to be.

Doreen
November 13th, 2018, 12:04 AM
Extreme stress or worry can actually cause hair loss (I have experienced this), so obsessing like this will do your hair no good. You say you are putting a lot of work into your hair -- maybe doing a "benign neglect" challenge for a month or two would be beneficial for you?

I don't think your hair looks thin. However, even if I did it wouldn't matter because it's your hair and my opinion of it doesn't affect it in any way!

Sometimes I have a big shed in the shower and start to fret, but then I think about all the hair I have shed over the years, ripped out, and had to trim away, and one shed seems very insignificant; losing a bit here and there is normal.

Doreen
November 13th, 2018, 12:04 AM
Edit -- oops, double post

Ilyem
November 13th, 2018, 09:38 AM
I feel like I do this entire journey and all I recieve from people is comments about how thin my hair is. No compliments. No ''cool it's long!'' just thinness thinness thinness. I freaking know. It's genetics. And it's not even that extreme. Yet it's all people care to talk about with my hair. I thought having long hair would make people impressed. They are most impressed by the thinness of it even tho it's not that bad. No matter what I do, it'll never be enough.

There is no point. I'll be unhappy both ways.

I have the exact same issue. Genetically I have thin and not much hair and my family is just constantly commenting on it. My mum will even then tell me I can't grow long hair, it will look like a rat's tail etc. She then says I need to make my hair look like it has more volume by cutting it into a bob, curling it and using a bunch of products with chemicals that don't help at all either. Its sad but I'm just going to continue growing it out no matter what she tells me. I want to have love hair at least at some point in my life and that is final.

lucid
November 13th, 2018, 09:49 AM
I have the exact same issue. Genetically I have thin and not much hair and my family is just constantly commenting on it. My mum will even then tell me I can't grow long hair, it will look like a rat's tail etc. She then says I need to make my hair look like it has more volume by cutting it into a bob, curling it and using a bunch of products with chemicals that don't help at all either. Its sad but I'm just going to continue growing it out no matter what she tells me. I want to have love hair at least at some point in my life and that is final.

Yeah, your hair won't be any thicker if it's shorter, even though it may seem fuller. You have the same amount of hair either way. I'm not a fan of styling products, so yes, 1a on the lower side of ii or less will look thin or flat, but so what...

Flat/thin hair also got more popular again after kim Kardashian started wearing her super straight, flat long bob. So that's great. Before that it was all about volume, which is unaccheavable to me, as I prefer wearing my hair in its natural state (I sometimes do heatless curls or have braid waves, but that's all). I'm not at all into celebrities, but I have picked up her wearing her har super flat, and getting positive feedback on it.

MoonRabbit
November 13th, 2018, 11:32 AM
I'm really confused on how many and how often someone comments on your hair, especially in a negative way. Are the people saying this acquaintances, random strangers, both?? You said you wear your air down or in a pony and people will always comment. Is this just at the store, on the street, campus, work or what? If it is a place you visit every day then just wear your hair in a bun. The Spock Bun is perfect for our thickness and makes it look twice as big.

I really don't know what your growth intentions are. Do you want long hair because you love long hair or are you simply trying to make a statement and get reassurance and positive attention from strangers? I know it can feel great to get a compliment from someone but maybe you are growing you hair for all the wrong reasons. Do it for yourself and stop looking for attention from others, you are bound to come across someone that doesn't like your hair and it is going to make you spiral down again because no matter how many compliments you get one insult will overpower them.

Your hair looks completely normal to me and I'm not just saying that because we have the same thickness. You have beautiful hair and before looking for reassurance from others, you need to find it in yourself first.

CreatureBailey
November 13th, 2018, 06:26 PM
I have the exact same issue. Genetically I have thin and not much hair and my family is just constantly commenting on it. My mum will even then tell me I can't grow long hair, it will look like a rat's tail etc. She then says I need to make my hair look like it has more volume by cutting it into a bob, curling it and using a bunch of products with chemicals that don't help at all either. Its sad but I'm just going to continue growing it out no matter what she tells me. I want to have love hair at least at some point in my life and that is final.

Grow it !! Haha! It'll be super beautiful and you will prove them wrong ! Even if we have thinner hair, it's lighter and more delicate. We have fairy hair. :)

CreatureBailey
November 13th, 2018, 06:28 PM
I'm really confused on how many and how often someone comments on your hair, especially in a negative way. Are the people saying this acquaintances, random strangers, both?? You said you wear your air down or in a pony and people will always comment. Is this just at the store, on the street, campus, work or what? If it is a place you visit every day then just wear your hair in a bun. The Spock Bun is perfect for our thickness and makes it look twice as big.

I really don't know what your growth intentions are. Do you want long hair because you love long hair or are you simply trying to make a statement and get reassurance and positive attention from strangers? I know it can feel great to get a compliment from someone but maybe you are growing you hair for all the wrong reasons. Do it for yourself and stop looking for attention from others, you are bound to come across someone that doesn't like your hair and it is going to make you spiral down again because no matter how many compliments you get one insult will overpower them.

Your hair looks completely normal to me and I'm not just saying that because we have the same thickness. You have beautiful hair and before looking for reassurance from others, you need to find it in yourself first.

It's not strangers it's like, friends and family. Also I want long hair cause I think it looks really super cool. It's rare, and it gives me a sense of accomplishment. :) And, it also gives me confidence. I don't have a lot of it, but knowing that people notice my long hair makes me feel like I have something especially cool, and therefore I feel good with myself. Does this make sense? XD

CreatureBailey
November 13th, 2018, 06:32 PM
I often say that no one notices my length, but I say that by upsetness... They do, actually. Strangers in town will compliment me and start talking about them wanting long hair with me, telling me to not cut it no matter what people say, etc. My teachers have noticed. My classmates have noticed too. My friends too. I actually get a lot of comments on the length. But if I get some comments on the (what I feel is negative) then I get really upset and say that people ''only'' say that, but it's an hyperbole.... :S

MoonRabbit
November 13th, 2018, 06:38 PM
It's not strangers it's like, friends and family. Also I want long hair cause I think it looks really super cool. It's rare, and it gives me a sense of accomplishment. :) And, it also gives me confidence. I don't have a lot of it, but knowing that people notice my long hair makes me feel like I have something especially cool, and therefore I feel good with myself. Does this make sense? XD

Yes that does make sense. Since it is family and friends that are constantly making comments about it that you particularly do not want to hear then you have every right to tell them to stop. I understand someone saying "oh your hair is thin" once only once but when they keep saying it that is a serious issue and needs to be addressed. Tell them it makes you feel uncomfortable because you hear it so often and even if they don't mean it in a negative way, you cant help but take it as an insult. It is never okay for people to make you feel down about yourself.

CreatureBailey
November 13th, 2018, 06:47 PM
Yes that does make sense. Since it is family and friends that are constantly making comments about it that you particularly do not want to hear then you have every right to tell them to stop. I understand someone saying "oh your hair is thin" once only once but when they keep saying it that is a serious issue and needs to be addressed. Tell them it makes you feel uncomfortable because you hear it so often and even if they don't mean it in a negative way, you cant help but take it as an insult. It is never okay for people to make you feel down about yourself.

Yeah, I'm still tryna figure out why two years ago my aunt looked at me mockingly and told me I had no hair. Sure, it was an hyperbole. But the way she said it was obviously an insult. Even if I try to tell myself it's not a negative thing, just *a* thing...I mean, she said ''no hair''.

It sucks cause it definitely took a chunk of my confidence off. Like, now I just walk around thinking ''Man, it is true, maybe people DO look at me mockingly and think I have 'no hair' ''. Or, when I'm over visiting family, I want to feel good. I want to feel confident, but I can't help feeling awkward and down thinking they're probably judging my hair again.

I really want to talk to her about it. She DOES care about me. She basically took the role of my mother in my life. She loves me like her own. And I'm scared that if I tell her about that comment and how it still makes me feel, she'll

1) Think I'm nuts cause it's been 2 years

or

2) Feel reeeeaaally bad and guilty. She's quite hypersensitive, like me.

I need to tell her about that time, tho. Would it be appropriate, tho? Even after all this time? Also like I said I'm scared to make her feel really bad and guilty. She truly has good intentions with me, it was just a mistake...

Alila
November 14th, 2018, 01:47 AM
I think you should talk to her about it. Comments from familiy and friends tend to stick with you. For example I love my lips because my mom told the they look like doll's lips when I was 6 or so. You're not crazy to be affected by what she said.
And you shouldn't be affraid to make her feel bad. If you don't talk about it you won't be able to let it go. And honestly she should feel bad for making such a thoughless comment. You've been feeling bad for 2 years so she can feel bad for 2 minutes until she apologizes and hugs you.

I understand wanting to impress other people with your hair from time to time. Maybe spent some time with your hair and learn to braid with a higher strand count. A five strand braid is much flatter and looks like more hair even without pancaking it. With some practice you can even try making a 7 strand braid for maximum platypus tail effect. I promise you noone will think it looks thin.

Honestly I dont understand the "your hair is so thin" comments anyway. You braid is perfectly gorgeous just the way it is. You dont *need* to make it thicker at all.
All those people probably never braid their own hair. If all the braids they ever see are pancaked instagram or celebrity braids their perspective on what a braid should look like is probably a bit off.

OhSuzi
November 14th, 2018, 05:30 AM
F*** Em!
That’s the advice an old boyf always gave me that I still use.
When ever I had an insecure moment I’d confide in him - I think Dave was giving me a back handed complement, or this person was rude about my weight. Im worried that my out fit was not appropriate for that party, I think they were offended by my joke, Im worried Tina thought I was rude for leaving early.
I have to get so and so a present but shes always rude about whatever I chose, so and so always comments my job is not as good as theirs.
F*** Em he’d say.
And it works. Don’t waste your time worrying and doubting yourself or bending over backwards trying to please others – it seldom does you any good.

You could have an expensive super mega hair implant surgery and suddenly have really thick hair – Would it be worth it? To have made decisions about you and your body based on what someone else thought!?
Just for them to take 5 seconds to say oh your hairs nice today & then never give it another thought. They might still say your hairs thin anyway. They might start telling you your hair is too thick and unruly / they might pick up on a different perceived flaw. They might not even notice and say nothing.
The person who made a comment spent 5 seconds saying it without thinking beforehand and probably didn’t think about it ever afterwards so why would you want to waste on more time on it either.


Plus family and friends are maybe too familiar and often get away with not being on their best behaviour and saying things more freely and unthinkingly, as you’re less likely to take offence or more likely to forgive. Or they might be genuinely concerned, my work colleague might not say you look really tired and I notice a lot of spots on your forehead, but my mother would be brave enough to point it out – not to upset me, but because she’s worried about my health and wants to check nothing is wrong.

They may not realise that they are being hurtful. You could point out - hey when you comment on the thinness of my hair, it kinda comes across as an insult and it makes me self concious about my appearance – which is a bit unfair, because it’s not like I can control it any more than you can the shape of your nose.
I’ll let that one slide cause you know maybe you were just making an observation, but now you know that it’s a thing, if you deliberately comment on it again, well then that will make you seem like a bit of a dick.

Also you have said strangers / aquaintances have complimented you - they don’t really know you, so they don’t have to come up and talk to you. If they have gone out of their way to come up and admire the length of your hair they probably really do think its nice.


Not, necessarily the best advice, but on the days you haven’t got the strength to just ignore em, you can also turn it around & instead do it more - if someone says - I think your chunky earrings are kind of clumsy and unsophisticated, I prefer thin simple ones
Reply - life would be boring if we were all the same! And wear even bigger chunky earrings and flaunt them like they are the best treasures in the world and pity the person who only has small unnoticeable ones. like a silent F*** you protest.

If some is deliberately mean & is defo bringing attention to your hair in a negative way, show it off, flick it because your super proud of it and be like yep delicate and fine like a fairytail princess, so much easier for pretty plaits and hair styles, I guess you wouldn’t understand as you’ve never really had the patience to grow your hair long / I guess with curly hair thicker hair it’s harder to style / get rid of the frizz.
– not exactly an out and out insult, all hair is beautiful, but maybe in that moment highlight that there are equally positives to your hair and a negative to theirs (we all have hair struggles) just to let them know that your not gonna take crap from them.

One last thing – there is a glimpse of your hair on your profile picture – I think it’s a lovely colour and it looks really healthy and shiny with pretty waves in.

bed_head
November 14th, 2018, 09:58 AM
There is nothing wrong with your hair. It is like my hair - my braid is a lot like that. You CERTAINLY don't look like you are going bald- I can't even see your scalp! The only thing I notice is that you don't have as much hair at the ends - which is totally normal - probably from S&D and breakage - not all your hair makes it to that length. You may consider trimming it back so the ends don't look as thinned out? But only if you want. I don't think your hair looks bad at all :) Like I said, you hair is like mine - about 50% of the time, when I go to a salon to get my hair cut, they will comment about how I have a lot more hair than they expected (as in density of strands). Light colored hair has thinner shafts, that is totally normal that the same number of strands looks like less hair.

I do get sad sometimes when I see all the pretty, super thick braids. Mine will always be wimpy. I end up tucking in the ends when I french braid it or wrapping the braid into a bun. Or just skip the bun altogether and go with a bun with a pretty stick. I sometimes need to work on accepting that my hair is the way it is and to just go with what I have!

Just saw the ponytail and the hair down pic - I don't even think your ends looked thinned out. People in your life are stupid - don't listen to them.

bokeh
November 14th, 2018, 04:52 PM
I'm really sorry that you've had so many negative comments about your hair. It's hard to figure out why but maybe you've just had the bad luck to encounter more than your share of negative people. I can see that your are a kind-hearted person and that might actually make you a target. I wouldn't discount the possibility that these people are jealous either maybe at a subconscious level. Anyway, I can see that you have lovely hair that you can be proud of.

akurah
November 14th, 2018, 07:21 PM
Yeah, I'm still tryna figure out why two years ago my aunt looked at me mockingly and told me I had no hair. Sure, it was an hyperbole. But the way she said it was obviously an insult. Even if I try to tell myself it's not a negative thing, just *a* thing...I mean, she said ''no hair''.

It sucks cause it definitely took a chunk of my confidence off. Like, now I just walk around thinking ''Man, it is true, maybe people DO look at me mockingly and think I have 'no hair' ''. Or, when I'm over visiting family, I want to feel good. I want to feel confident, but I can't help feeling awkward and down thinking they're probably judging my hair again.

I really want to talk to her about it. She DOES care about me. She basically took the role of my mother in my life. She loves me like her own. And I'm scared that if I tell her about that comment and how it still makes me feel, she'll

1) Think I'm nuts cause it's been 2 years

or

2) Feel reeeeaaally bad and guilty. She's quite hypersensitive, like me.

I need to tell her about that time, tho. Would it be appropriate, tho? Even after all this time? Also like I said I'm scared to make her feel really bad and guilty. She truly has good intentions with me, it was just a mistake...

So YMMV, but I don't personally think the best approach is to tell her you're still upset about something from 2 years ago. Find a way to forgive her that trespass, maybe talk about it with your therapist, or something else to let it go that doesn't involve telling her, it's two years ago. There's a more important caveat to this suggestion though, if you do this? Don't let her get away with it next time. The next time she says something hurtful about your hair, tell her "That hurts me, please don't talk like that" or something similar. If you don't have the nerve to do it the second she says it, that's ok, but try to do it within a few days. And if she gets dismissive about it, then tell her you're really disappointed she doesn't understand how hurtful it is, and that you thought she was better than that because you think so highly of her.

MoonRabbit
November 15th, 2018, 11:17 AM
So YMMV, but I don't personally think the best approach is to tell her you're still upset about something from 2 years ago. Find a way to forgive her that trespass, maybe talk about it with your therapist, or something else to let it go that doesn't involve telling her, it's two years ago. There's a more important caveat to this suggestion though, if you do this? Don't let her get away with it next time. The next time she says something hurtful about your hair, tell her "That hurts me, please don't talk like that" or something similar. If you don't have the nerve to do it the second she says it, that's ok, but try to do it within a few days. And if she gets dismissive about it, then tell her you're really disappointed she doesn't understand how hurtful it is, and that you thought she was better than that because you think so highly of her.

Yes completely agree!

AshtangiPNW
November 15th, 2018, 12:02 PM
Hi CreatureBailey! Maybe try to think of all the things that you love about having fine ii hair. It also took me a while to feel comfortable with the quantity of hair that I have. I'm somewhere in the middle of ii and also feel like I have very little hair sometimes. :) Despite that, I wouldn't want more hair. This quantity of hair suits me. Try to embrace the amazing qualities of F ii hair, if you can. :flower: If someone mentions that your hair is fine, you can often take that as a complement! Fine hair often looks silky, soft and ethereal. Yours looks really lovely and glossy, IMO. Fine hair can look wispy in a really nice, floaty, delicate way. Certain hairstyles also tend to make my hair *look* fuller (like dutch braids rather than english braids). To the extent that you can try to embrace the nature of your hair (as a really unique part of yourself), strange comments like the "no hair" one might personally affect you less. Your response could even be that you are happy with yourself precisely the way that you are. Even if you aren't *totally* happy with yourself or your hair at that exact moment, a response like that might help instill a feeling of self-acceptance and also give her an indication that her comment is contrary to that. Just some thoughts! Feel free to take what you want, leave the rest. :)

HTH :flower:

CreatureBailey
November 15th, 2018, 01:52 PM
Hey guys! I read all your comments. You guys are so wise. It seems like we'd have such a healthy surrounding and environment if we just all lived close. :grouphug:

I definitely want to be more confident and know how to not let stuff like that get me down again. I want to defend myself, but without seeming too intense. I want to say that hair means a lot to me and that it's unsettling to be told that it might be not good enough to people, but how do you tell that to someone without looking kinda weird ? XD

Seriously, I wish people were like us. Not judgemental and appreciating all different aspects of a subjet.

akurah
November 15th, 2018, 02:37 PM
Hey guys! I read all your comments. You guys are so wise. It seems like we'd have such a healthy surrounding and environment if we just all lived close. :grouphug:

I definitely want to be more confident and know how to not let stuff like that get me down again. I want to defend myself, but without seeming too intense. I want to say that hair means a lot to me and that it's unsettling to be told that it might be not good enough to people, but how do you tell that to someone without looking kinda weird ? XD

Seriously, I wish people were like us. Not judgemental and appreciating all different aspects of a subjet.

I am failing to understand what is “weird” about setting boundaries. When someone says or does something inappropriate, you tell them.

Sarahlabyrinth
November 15th, 2018, 03:02 PM
Hey guys! I read all your comments. You guys are so wise. It seems like we'd have such a healthy surrounding and environment if we just all lived close. :grouphug:

I definitely want to be more confident and know how to not let stuff like that get me down again. I want to defend myself, but without seeming too intense. I want to say that hair means a lot to me and that it's unsettling to be told that it might be not good enough to people, but how do you tell that to someone without looking kinda weird ? XD

Seriously, I wish people were like us. Not judgemental and appreciating all different aspects of a subjet.

Just say "Well, I like it".

AshtangiPNW
November 15th, 2018, 04:19 PM
Just say "Well, I like it".

Haha! Exactly! :) :flower: I personally think that as long as you feel happy with it, anyone else's opinion about your hair isn't all that important....

Ilyem
April 16th, 2019, 03:38 PM
Yeah, your hair won't be any thicker if it's shorter, even though it may seem fuller. You have the same amount of hair either way. I'm not a fan of styling products, so yes, 1a on the lower side of ii or less will look thin or flat, but so what...

Flat/thin hair also got more popular again after kim Kardashian started wearing her super straight, flat long bob. So that's great. Before that it was all about volume, which is unaccheavable to me, as I prefer wearing my hair in its natural state (I sometimes do heatless curls or have braid waves, but that's all). I'm not at all into celebrities, but I have picked up her wearing her har super flat, and getting positive feedback on it.

Sorry for the late reply as I only saw your comment now. But thank you for the encouragement. Recently I've been trying to achieve more of that "so what if my hair looks thin, I still want it long" attitude as you say.

Also your hair in your profile picture is absolutely gorgeous. What is the name of the hairstyle you are wearing in it?