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View Full Version : Update: I cut my hair. It worked, but I hate it!



Lizabeth94
November 9th, 2018, 10:02 PM
So if anyone remembers a few months ago, I was posting about severe scalp pain due a combination of migraine and allodynia. (My hair had just barely reached shoulder length, and I felt like the pain was unbearable on a daily basis short of constantly applying heat wraps to my head.)

My poor hubby took pity on me and said he didn't want to see me in pain anymore, and offered to cut my hair off for me. This was a particularly big step for him, because he doesn't like the look of short hair, especially not ultra short clipper cut styles, but he saw I was in pain during a bad migraine and just wanted to get the thing that was hurting me off me ASAP rather than even taking me to a salon. I said yes, and together we buzzed my hair with clippers very short.
This happened right before my hip surgery on Sept 12th, Its already grown in to a close crop pixie, and I've gotten several compliments on it as I'm slowly easing back into work.

I definitely helped, my overall pain during migraines has decreased by probably half. I also finally went to the neurologist for my shots, and asked him if there is anything I can do for the allodynia since I can't take triptans, and he didn't have any ideas. He said best to just keep it short if it helps control pain, its a natural means to pain relief, ect. This isn't what I wanted to hear and its very upsetting to me.

On one hand it helps with the pain, it also makes teaching swim lessons easier since my hair washes and dries in a flash, and makes functioning while having a migraine that much easier. On the other, I don't like how it looks or feels. Its like part of me is missing. Sometimes I miss the feeling of braiding and touching my hair so much that I go to the barn just to spend time doing my horse's mane and tail, or I put on one of my 2 wigs for an hour or two so I can sit there braiding it and unbraiding it until it starts to hurt my head and I have to take it off.

Its also triggered a relapse of.... dare I admit it.... eating disorder behavior. I think that pixies look best on girls who are super thin, and I'm on the curvy/borderline overweight side. I've lost 15lbs in the past couple months, which puts me at whats considered a healthy weight for now, but I could still stand to loose at least another 15 or 20lbs. Every time I look in the mirror I feel extremely self conscious, especially about my chubby cheeks and occasional acne breakouts to the point where I make excuses not to leave the house unless its work related. So although cutting my hair has helped my health in sense that its decreased my pain level during migraines, its negatively affected my mental health somewhat.

I really don't know what to do. The logical thing to do would be keep it super short if helps my migraines and overall health, and not think twice about it or stress about my appearance, but its funny how not being able to have something just makes you want it even more. Something twisted about human nature I guess. :demon::wail::crazyq::rant:

Also I've stopped taking my biotin and protein supplements, in hopes that it will slow down my hair growth a bit and help it thin out some. I think its definitely slowed it down, since I normally get an inch a month, and in 2 months since I cut it, it has grown less than 1 inch total, just enough to lay it down with some product so it looks more pixie-like rather than sticking up straight. Thats slightly less than 1/2 an inch a month, which is half the amount of growth I normally get when taking supplements, and I've been taking them previously for a couple years since I met my hubby and started trying to grow my hair out in the first place.

illicitlizard
November 10th, 2018, 12:42 AM
God that sounds terrible, I'm so sorry you're going through this. Disordered eating is such a b*tch, I had a similar self hatred spiral once I shaved my head after a couple months. Just know you are amazing for dealing with what life has thrown at you. It's great that the shortness of your hair has decreased the pain somewhat, but I'm so sorry that it comes at the expense of feeling like yourself. Hair can be such a massive part of our expression and identity. I don't have a solution unfortunately, I guess you'll have to weigh up the pros and cons of long hair vs short. I really hope you come to a solution, for both your physical and mental health. Feeling self conscious is never enjoyable, just know from an internet stranger that you are enough <3. I really hope you find a way to exist comfortably either way.

Lady Stardust
November 10th, 2018, 12:55 AM
I donít know what to say but just wanted to stop by to offer hugs :grouphug:

Did you look into cranio sacral therapy? I donít know if it would help but it might.

Maybe you can just monitor it as your hair grows to see how the level of pain changes. You might be able to have hair a few inches long rather than buzzed, which would feel very different to buzzed. Having suffered with scalp pain myself following a head injury, I know that the slightest movement of your hair can hurt though and I donít know how that would work out with your job since you wonít be able to tie it back.

YvetteVarie
November 10th, 2018, 01:41 AM
I just wanted to offer you hugs. I really don't have much else to say

Belle03
November 10th, 2018, 05:36 AM
I am sorry for what you're going through. I will pray for your speedy recovery, and ask God to take away any sadness. I'm sure you will continue to get better physically, and mentally over time. Have a Blessed and Peaceful rest of the year.

Sid0rela
November 10th, 2018, 05:37 AM
im really sorry. :-(
i hope it gets better...

lucid
November 10th, 2018, 07:05 AM
Have you tried the new migraine medication? I don't remember the name, but I can look it up if you're interested. You need to be on it for three months before it reaches full effect, but in my opinion it's worth a try. You have to have over 6 (I think) migraine days a month to qualify for it.

I'm sorry you're dealing with this. It sounds very rough.

Edit: Aimovig is the name.

lapushka
November 10th, 2018, 07:31 AM
I somehow doubted that shoulder length could do that to your scalp... but my words no longer matter now. :( It somehow helped you; and yes, in your case then I would keep it short. But I would seek out help for the ED *now* before it gets out of hand.

I don't know what else to say, and so I wish you the best of luck; hang in there! :flower:

Lizabeth94
November 10th, 2018, 07:49 AM
Thanks for the support guys. Amovig is an option, however my neurologist said that clinically it does the same thing as the Botox shots Iím on now, only difference is I would be giving myself 1 shot a month vs getting 30+ shots every 3 months. Since the Botox shots donít seem to help much with the allodynia pain, he said I shouldnít expect the amovig to be any better. I may consider switching anyway for the pros of less needle pokes.

lucid
November 10th, 2018, 08:02 AM
Thanks for the support guys. Amovig is an option, however my neurologist said that clinically it does the same thing as the Botox shots Iím on now, only difference is I would be giving myself 1 shot a month vs getting 30+ shots every 3 months. Since the Botox shots donít seem to help much with the allodynia pain, he said I shouldnít expect the amovig to be any better. I may consider switching anyway for the pros of less needle pokes.

They don't do the same thing though. And you can also use both treatments simultaneously.

Botox blocks the muprevents the release of the neurotransmitter acetylcholine from axon endings at the neuromuscular junction and thus causes flaccid paralysis. So it will work if your migraines are related to your muscles.

Aimovig is a preventative treatment designed to block the CGRP receptor. Your migraines doesn't have to be related to the muscles.

Clinically, many pain meds does the same thing. But that doesn't mean that they all work on all people, some people benefit more from some meds than others.

Consider at least. I'm gonna try it, really hope it works!!!

cjk
November 10th, 2018, 12:01 PM
The curve of a woman's head and neck are quite different than a man. That's why short hair, and even extreme choices like a buzz or baldie, can still look so feminine.

I actually like super short hair on women. A very striking look.

I know you don't like it, but at this stage it was basically necessary. You can choose to dislike it, or embrace it as a very different look. Dramatic isn't a bad thing.

Lizabeth94
November 10th, 2018, 01:04 PM
They don't do the same thing though. And you can also use both treatments simultaneously.

Botox blocks the muprevents the release of the neurotransmitter acetylcholine from axon endings at the neuromuscular junction and thus causes flaccid paralysis. So it will work if your migraines are related to your muscles.

Aimovig is a preventative treatment designed to block the CGRP receptor. Your migraines doesn't have to be related to the muscles.

Clinically, many pain meds does the same thing. But that doesn't mean that they all work on all people, some people benefit more from some meds than others.

Consider at least. I'm gonna try it, really hope it works!!!

Thanks for the tip! Thatís definitely not what my doctor told me. Iím planning to try it regardless since it would be nice to not get stuck with so many needles. I just need to make sure my insurance will cover it and thatís what Iím waiting on at the moment.

Lizabeth94
November 10th, 2018, 01:11 PM
The curve of a woman's head and neck are quite different than a man. That's why short hair, and even extreme choices like a buzz or baldie, can still look so feminine.

I actually like super short hair on women. A very striking look.


I know you don't like it, but at this stage it was basically necessary. You can choose to dislike it, or embrace it as a very different look. Dramatic isn't a bad thing.

Aww thanks, I had a pixie for a couple years before I met my hubby, and I loved it, got so many compliments even from men, but I was a few pounds thinner then. Also, my hubby, bless his heart, is the one who planted the seed of doubt in my head that women donít look pretty with short hair. Although he has been supportive lately after seeing me in pain, itís hard to erase those memories of him begging me to grow it, getting sad when I went to the salon for trims, and when I got extensions for our wedding he practically cried when I had to take them out and go back to short hair. Itís hard to move on when the most important person in your life doesnít like how you look, even if everyone else does. I feel like Iíve been brainwashed to never like short hair again after seeing his sad and disappointed reactions.

lapushka
November 10th, 2018, 01:16 PM
Aww thanks, I had a pixie for a couple years before I met my hubby, and I loved it, got so many compliments even from men, but I was a few pounds thinner then. Also, my hubby, bless his heart, is the one who planted the seed of doubt in my head that women don’t look pretty with short hair. Although he has been supportive lately after seeing me in pain, it’s hard to erase those memories of him begging me to grow it, getting sad when I went to the salon for trims, and when I got extensions for our wedding he practically cried when I had to take them out and go back to short hair. It’s hard to move on when the most important person in your life doesn’t like how you look, even if everyone else does. I feel like I’ve been brainwashed to never like short hair again after seeing his sad and disappointed reactions.

That is a weird reaction, though.

In any case he offered to help you cut it, so that is far more important than his reaction then; what matters is *now*. And I'm sure your weight is fine. You don't have to be as thin as a board to suit a pixie. :) :flower:

Lizabeth94
November 10th, 2018, 02:25 PM
That is a weird reaction, though.

In any case he offered to help you cut it, so that is far more important than his reaction then; what matters is *now*. And I'm sure your weight is fine. You don't have to be as thin as a board to suit a pixie. :) :flower:

This is true :kitten:

GeoJ
November 14th, 2018, 03:07 PM
I’m sorry you’re going through that. I had to buzz off my hair a little over two years ago, and although it fixed the pain and was easy to care for, I also developed minor body image issues (not thin enough, needed to wear makeup to feel feminine), despite getting a lot of compliments. I’m regrowing my hair, but the pain is slowly returning so I may have to give up. Anyway, you’re not alone and I hope things go well for you.

hannabiss
November 15th, 2018, 10:17 AM
Have you thought to get a few wigs? I shaved my head twice and every once in a while it made me feel "better" I loved my shaved head 99% of the time. But sometimes it felt good to put on a ling wig.

Laura1986
November 15th, 2018, 11:37 AM
*offers hugs in case you want them*

I wish you all the wisdom and strength needed to handle all of this.

Health-wise, keeping your hair short seems to be the best thing to do, or am I missing something?

I think it would be good to put your health first, both body and soul. If your body needs your hair to be short, it would be wise to find a way how you can be happy with that. Imagine a friend telling you your story, like it was about her. Would you not agree that this reaction of 'the hubby' is insane? You say you even liked pixies before, so I'm quite sure that there is a short haircut you can enjoy again.

The ED, that's serious business. Please take care of it now, while you still can.. I am a licensed dietician and I find the 'health at every size' movement very promising. It seems to take care of both body and soul and there is a ton of scientific evidence to back it up. You could start by reading a book (Health at every size by Linda Bacon) or look online for more resources.

Also, I know you are not fat, but maybe it helps to look at pictures of heavy people who are enjoying their short hair? If you want to try, here is a link: https://www.tumblr.com/search/short%20hair%20fat%20girl

Hope this all helps^^

Lizabeth94
November 15th, 2018, 04:50 PM
Iím sorry youíre going through that. I had to buzz off my hair a little over two years ago, and although it fixed the pain and was easy to care for, I also developed minor body image issues (not thin enough, needed to wear makeup to feel feminine), despite getting a lot of compliments. Iím regrowing my hair, but the pain is slowly returning so I may have to give up. Anyway, youíre not alone and I hope things go well for you.

Thanks for commenting! It means alot to know I'm not the only one on here struggling with this. :( I hope you don't have to cut it, but if you do, I completely understand your pain!

Lizabeth94
November 15th, 2018, 04:54 PM
Have you thought to get a few wigs? I shaved my head twice and every once in a while it made me feel "better" I loved my shaved head 99% of the time. But sometimes it felt good to put on a ling wig.

I do have a couple of wigs! Its nice to put them on once and a while, although I find that they hurt even more than just having long hair in the first place. I think its the tightness and elastic band that do me in, not to mention scratchy lace part in the front which I find unbearable. I can only wear them an hour or two max before I have to take it off.

SallySue
November 15th, 2018, 05:22 PM
I'm sorry for what you are going through health-wise, plus the emotional trauma of not having the hair you want just must be awful on top of it. A good friend of mine suffers from migraines and also had to shave her head. She still suffers from persistent daily headaches, which in her case I don't think were relieved by the haircut, so be thankful that it is actually giving you some relief.

You may like the look of thin girls with pixies, but think about how that look can be pretty androgynous and/or infantilizing. Not all women are supposed to look like Peter Pan. Short hair is definitely a cute look, no matter your size. At least with some womanly curves you won't get mistaken for an adolescent boy. :p. It may take some adjustment, but I say you should own it!

For the compulsive urge to braid, might I suggest taking up a craft like knitting, weaving, macrame, etc. Braiding is a handy tactile skill that you can easily transfer to something in front of you instead of on your head. Additionally, the repetitive motion of stitching can be very relaxing and meditative. Give it a shot.

Lizabeth94
November 15th, 2018, 06:57 PM
I'm sorry for what you are going through health-wise, plus the emotional trauma of not having the hair you want just must be awful on top of it. A good friend of mine suffers from migraines and also had to shave her head. She still suffers from persistent daily headaches, which in her case I don't think were relieved by the haircut, so be thankful that it is actually giving you some relief.

You may like the look of thin girls with pixies, but think about how that look can be pretty androgynous and/or infantilizing. Not all women are supposed to look like Peter Pan. Short hair is definitely a cute look, no matter your size. At least with some womanly curves you won't get mistaken for an adolescent boy. :p. It may take some adjustment, but I say you should own it!

For the compulsive urge to braid, might I suggest taking up a craft like knitting, weaving, macrame, etc. Braiding is a handy tactile skill that you can easily transfer to something in front of you instead of on your head. Additionally, the repetitive motion of stitching can be very relaxing and meditative. Give it a shot.

Thanks for the support! Iím so sorry for your friend. Cutting my hair short doesnít change the frequency of my migraines, it just reduces my pain level during them. I wonder if itís helped with her pain at all even though she still gets the same number of migraines like me.

I do knit! Youíre right I probably love it for the same reason I love braiding. I also used to weave and crochet, but donít have time now. Iím currently working on a dark blue cabled blanket for my hubby, but itís a complicated pattern and coming along rather slow. Iím aiming to make it about 6ft since my hubby is very tall and appreciates a blanket long enough to cover his feet, at this rate it will take me years!