I haven’t washed my hair in over a week.

[Rebeccalaurenxx]

If I’m being honest, I’ve been so stressed I haven’t had the time or felt motivated enough to shower and wash my hair. I usually wash every 2 days, but I’m now going onto day 9.
the longer I go the drier my hair seems to feel, does anyone else go through this?
my scalp got oily on day 5/6 but day 7/8 it was dry again.
my ends are super dry and tangled. Just doesn’t feel nice.
My scalp is also SUPER flaky- but not the usual SD flakes I was use to, like dry scalp/dandruff flaky.

how do you deal with your hair after a bout of stress or depression?
one of my cats died last night, and I don’t want to take care of myself at all.
But ive already stretched it too long.. I need to wash even if I don’t feel like it.
And now I just need help restoring my hair and not letting it go back to this state again.

How is do you guys deal with moments like this?
For me, these week long benign neglect days, give me more damage.

[JennGalt]

I’m not great at dealing with depression, so might not have any useful advice. I just wanted to offer condolences for your poor kitty :sad Losing a pet is just as hard as losing a human family member IMO. :grouphug:

I know you don’t feel like doing any self care right now, but you might feel a little better post wash. Sometimes it helps to have something going right, even if it’s something small like moisturizing your hair. Maybe try getting ready to wash your hair. Sometimes when I’m putting something off I’ll go through the prep to do it and then decide whether or not to do it. Often once I get that far, I tell myself I’ll do another step or do the procrastinated task for ten minutes and then reevaluate. And just keep going. It doesn’t always work, but sometimes I surprise myself.

Hope that helps. Sending hugs and good vibes your way :blossom:

[Vacurlylady]

I’m so sorry for the loss of your kitty. Love and prayers sent your way! 🙏🏻❤️🙏🏻

When I do try and stretch my washings out, I find that my hair does have a tendency to dry out. Once I do wash it again, it feels so awesome again and then I wonder why I was putting it off.

[shaluwm_agape]

Use your shower to destress. Don't think of it as self-care think of it as a time to mourn cry let it out & wash down the drain. Then wash up. You will feel better

[LillyBlossom]

Im so sorry about your cat :blossom:

[illicitlizard]

Sorry for your loss :blossom: losing a pet is always hard, especially if you're already dealing with other things.

I don't have much experience with hair, but when I go through similar things, it helps to just do things slowly and not be too hard on myself for not keeping up with maintenance. Take your time, it's not a race. Maybe do a deep condition if you feel up to it for the ends?

Another thing I try and remember is self care sometimes involves doing things that suck. When you don't want to do things in your best interests, it's hard to care enough to start on them. But once you do and you get through it it'll likely make you feel better. I always put off cleaning when I'm having a bad week/month but when I finally get around to it, it feels like I've achieved something and the improvement in environment does make a difference to my mental state.
Sending internet hugs <3

[Joules]

For me taking care of my hair is the ultimate way to de-stress and feel better, even during the worst bouts depression. It's not a chore for me or something that I just have to do, it's the time I get to spend alone with myself and truly relax, not bothered by anyone or anything. Like I get a chance to get away from the real world for an hour and forget about it. It's something to look forward to during stressful moments. I know it's easier said than done, but try to not see showering as a chore.

I really really hope you feel better soon :blossom:

[Angelica]

I am so sorry about your cat passing away. I can relate to how I feel. I also suffer with depression and anxiety and it is so easy to "let yourself go." When I was in hospital early in January having a lobectomy my anxiety and depression was through the roof. I didn't sleep a wink for days and I've lost pets previously and my father died in April 2017 so I perfectly understand grief. In hospital the nurses had to really prompt me to get out of bed and wash and dress and do the normal things people ought to do but I felt so lousy I just didn't want to bother. And then one day, something snapped back into place with me and I did allow one of the nurses to assist me showering (my modesty had gone out of the window long ago) and when I showered and washed my hair I felt 100 times better, cleaner fresher and the general slovenly feeling I had was gone. I was discharged from hospital that same day. And even now when I am anxious about work (threatened with redundancies) and in need of a good cry - I go in the shower and let it all wash away. There are so many of us here who can relate to how you feel. Just take that one little step in getting better. I also find it helps to look at photographs and that could help also with your cat and remember you gave her a great life and loved her to the maximum. No cat could ask for more than that. God bless you xxxx

[*Wednesday*]

Sorry about your cat Rebecca. I had to put my cat down a month ago. She was 20 years old. Losing your four legged friend is very difficult and you need time to grieve. Keeping yourself active physically will boost your mood, even taking a walk. Force yourself.

If you are having an extremely hard time have you considered counseling?

[lapushka]

If I’m being honest, I’ve been so stressed I haven’t had the time or felt motivated enough to shower and wash my hair. I usually wash every 2 days, but I’m now going onto day 9.
the longer I go the drier my hair seems to feel, does anyone else go through this?
my scalp got oily on day 5/6 but day 7/8 it was dry again.
my ends are super dry and tangled. Just doesn’t feel nice.
My scalp is also SUPER flaky- but not the usual SD flakes I was use to, like dry scalp/dandruff flaky.

SD flakes can vary sometimes, for me at least. So do be mindful of that, if you can and are able to. Also my skin gets oilier and oilier, up to 14 days is the most I could go; it just *had to* be washed. And after months and months of this, I got a bad flare-up of SD! Itchy, flakes, and lots of redness in 2 particular sore spots.


how do you deal with your hair after a bout of stress or depression?
one of my cats died last night, and I don’t want to take care of myself at all.
But ive already stretched it too long.. I need to wash even if I don’t feel like it.
And now I just need help restoring my hair and not letting it go back to this state again.

How is do you guys deal with moments like this?
For me, these week long benign neglect days, give me more damage.

I just detangled it nice and easy, and well. Ends to roots. Then washed it twice during those times. I had a time that for medical reasons I could only wash every 14 days. What they first thought was benign positional turned out to be Menière, but I had positional vertigo at the time - each time I needed to wash the hair. So it was quite difficult to deal with and I had an attack each time I washed (up to and including throwing up). I tried to minimize the washes but after a while, I just didn't have a choice any more. My hair was so caked on! It just needed a wash. ETA this lasted until I got medication for Menière's, and they are on point right now! So it's been going quite OK, with the occasional hiccup here and there.

You'll get through it, I'm sure. Losing a pet isn't easy, depression is far from easy, but you'll get through it.

Why not try and wash tonight? Just make it a point to do so. Long and drawn out if you like, or quick if you must. But just give yourself a couple of minutes at least. :flower:

And if it's SD, please don't wait!

[MusicalSpoons]

Oh dear, depression with grief on top - what a horrible combination for you to deal with. I'm so sorry you're feeling so rubbish, and I'm so sorry about your cat :grouphug: :flowers:

I have two ways of dealing with when motivation has totally gone, albeit for different reasons so it's not quite the same, but just sharing in case something helps. I often have to tell myself 'don't think, just do' so instead of debating with myself whether I have the energy to start and finish something like showering, I tell myself to just start and worry about dealing with the consequences as they come. (It sounds simple, in practice is obviously not so easy, but it does mean that the energy I would have used thinking and worrying about it is used for something productive, i.e. actually doing the thing.) I use the same technique for all sorts of things, from putting clothes away or brushing my teeth, to when I'm fed up of overthinking bigger things like cooking, or getting ready to leave the house when I've committed to plans, or working up the courage to make a phone call, etc.

The other technique I use is for when I genuinely do not know whether I feel up to doing something and there's a real chance I won't be able to. I tell myself to start, see how far I get, with no expectations - at any point I can back out. So for showering / washing hair that would mean starting off with just getting ready, kind of like JennGalt suggested, and if I make it into the shower I usually think I may as well wash seeing as I made it that far, but also knowing that I don't *have* to if I really can't. And if you've done some or all of the prep and got no further, well you're several steps closer to doing it for when you next decide to give it a go.

(In reality I use the second one A LOT for trying to get out of bed and dressed - I put no pressure on myself and just take each step as it comes, starting with literally just moving the duvet, then sitting up, then getting my legs out. There are times I get to the bathroom to go to the toilet then have to go back to bed, and that's just fine because I tried and I've done my best for that day. Other times once I've got past the hurdle of getting up, everything else is a little less hard and I find I actually can sort of function after that. But it doesn't make the times I don't even get out of bed at all any less valid for having tried.)

Edit: I've been thinking, trying to work out the difference between situations when I use each of these techniques because I don't think I had it straight in my mind, let alone explained it properly. Number 1 (don't think, just do) is for when I find myself not wanting to do something, even though physically I probably could and it's usually something I should do. Number 2 (see how far I get) is when I don't know if there's any chance I can do something, and usually I'm too tired to even attempt to think very much about it to make any kind of decision.

I guarantee once you have been able to wash you will feel better for it, but I do understand it's not that simple. I wish you all the best :flower:

[AmaryllisRed]

No advice, but I'm sorry for your loss. You're in my thoughts. :grouphug:

[lithostoic]

I'm so sorry this has happened. If you don't want to take a full shower you can wash your hair in the sink, it's much faster and I'll admit I've done it rather than showering several times.

[cjk]

Just to be contrary I'll take the opposite position.

You acknowledge that the oiliness of your scalp has changed. You've already invested this much time and have seen changes. And it sounds like your scalp oils are normalizing.

You've already invested this much time, would you be open to letting it continue normalizing? A water cleansing would be easy while not introducing products.

So many, here, talk about stretching their washes but fall away on their first oily day. You're already past that.

Btw, my heart goes out to you. I know what it's like to lose a furbaby. HUGS!

[lapushka]

Just to be contrary I'll take the opposite position.

You acknowledge that the oiliness of your scalp has changed. You've already invested this much time and have seen changes. And it sounds like your scalp oils are normalizing.

You've already invested this much time, would you be open to letting it continue normalizing? A water cleansing would be easy while not introducing products.

So many, here, talk about stretching their washes but fall away on their first oily day. You're already past that.

Btw, my heart goes out to you. I know what it's like to lose a furbaby. HUGS!

With SD this is hardly good advice, cjk. I'm sorry. :flower: I have SD, and you have to know that condition, really. WO, as tempting as it sounds is not going to get rid of flaky hair.

[spidermom]

I'm so sorry for your loss. Go ahead and take that shower. Falling water generates lots of negative ions, which is good for you. Think of it as therapeutic, not one more thing you have to do, but something that will really help. As someone said above, wash some of those blues right down the drain.

And sincere condolences for the loss of your cat. I lost a dog this summer and still cry.

[cjk]

My scalp is also SUPER flaky- but not the usual SD flakes


With SD this is hardly good advice, cjk. I'm sorry. :flower: I have SD, and you have to know that condition, really. WO, as tempting as it sounds is not going to get rid of flaky hair.

Fair enough. It just seemed like a good opportunity to experiment, and particularly since she said she'd noticed changes.

Medical conditions should trump everything else.

[chrissy-b]

I'm so sorry to hear about your kitty. :flower: And yes, my hair does the same thing, at least the ends do -- they get drier and more tangly the longer I go without a wash. Even just spraying some water, or wetting your hands and running down the length will help. But I do agree a shower and a wash would be the best. Showering always makes me feel better no matter if I'm depressed, sick, or hungover. It always works!

[Kat-Rinnè Naido]

I'm so sorry to read of the passing over of your cat.
A long shower and the washing of your hair will help lift the shield of gloom hovering over you. Just take it one day at a time.

I find extending washes tends to dry my hair and cause more hair loss. Therefore I keep to routine. Also my hair loves water and does react well to drought spells.

[daisy rei]

I'm so sorry for your loss. Hopefully your kitty is in a better place. :heartbeat

I've been struggling with depression for almost ten years now and bathing/getting dressed has always been a monumental task. My dad could never understand why taking a shower felt like such an accomplishment to me even though I could go for days without leaving the bed or changing my clothes.

The best advice I can give you is to just push through it. Even though it seems like such a pain to get into the shower, once you are in and can feel the hot water on your body and smell the sweet fragrance of soap, you will start to feel a lot better, I promise!

[lapushka]

Fair enough. It just seemed like a good opportunity to experiment, and particularly since she said she'd noticed changes.

Medical conditions should trump everything else.

I totally get it, though. I have SD and it can be a beast. My "experimenting" was immediately over whenever I got that signal. :(

[lapushka]

I'm so sorry to read of the passing over of your cat.
A long shower and the washing of your hair will help lift the shield of gloom hovering over you. Just take it one day at a time.

I find extending washes tends to dry my hair and cause more hair loss. Therefore I keep to routine. Also my hair loves water and does react well to drought spells.

Yes, more hair loss; after the 14 days of not washing back when the medical condition (Menière/positional vertigo) had me in its claws, I had lost quite a bit of hair.

I don't know if hair loss would be the first thing on OP's mind now though.

It's a pain getting yourself out of depression.

My dad had a burn-out once in his life, and that took about a month and he was in such a funk... It was dead serious, I remember! You can't just drag yourself up and out of it.

But if this message is any realization, then it might spark something and get her to do something for herself. I hope! I do hope.

I'm so sorry for your loss, Rebeccalaurenxx! :flower:

[Rebeccalaurenxx]

Thanks for the advice guys. I’m still very upset and find myself crying every so often.
I am really grieving as the cat was 7 and passed away in her sleep: and then I just haven’t had a good year.
Being on disability, losing my grandfather, not being able to pay rent anymore.
I think a lot of things have just been piling on. I’m very stressed out, I don’t know what’s going to happen to me.
But i showered this morning. I woke up around 11, I’ve been going to work with my hair this way.
And I just didn’t want to be looking this way at work anymore.
Got into the shower without thinking about it, just did it.
My hair feels better. I don’t feel better mentally at all but my hair feels less gross lol

[lapushka]

Thanks for the advice guys. I’m still very upset and find myself crying every so often.
I am really grieving as the cat was 7 and passed away in her sleep: and then I just haven’t had a good year.
Being on disability, losing my grandfather, not being able to pay rent anymore.
I think a lot of things have just been piling on. I’m very stressed out, I don’t know what’s going to happen to me.
But i showered this morning. I woke up around 11, I’ve been going to work with my hair this way.
And I just didn’t want to be looking this way at work anymore.
Got into the shower without thinking about it, just did it.
My hair feels better. I don’t feel better mentally at all but my hair feels less gross lol

I'm glad, it's a first step. You'll get there; you'll get better. It will ease with time. Just give it that time. :flower:

[MusicalSpoons]

Thanks for the advice guys. I’m still very upset and find myself crying every so often.
I am really grieving as the cat was 7 and passed away in her sleep: and then I just haven’t had a good year.
Being on disability, losing my grandfather, not being able to pay rent anymore.
I think a lot of things have just been piling on. I’m very stressed out, I don’t know what’s going to happen to me.
But i showered this morning. I woke up around 11, I’ve been going to work with my hair this way.
And I just didn’t want to be looking this way at work anymore.
Got into the shower without thinking about it, just did it.
My hair feels better. I don’t feel better mentally at all but my hair feels less gross lol

Well done! Even though it didn't make you feel better at all, you still did it and it is an achievement. You should feel proud of every positive step :)

Losing a pet can be devastating; I've even shed a few tears when it hits me that our cat won't have many years left (he's 17 and an absolute sweetheart), so I can only imagine how it will feel when he does go. I just hope that it will happen in his sleep, like it did for your cat :flower:

(Somebody mentioned counselling upthread; I don't know if you're receiving that kind of help already but if not it might be something to look into if possible. It sounds like you're under a lot of stress, and pretty much anyone would need some support to cope with what you're going through :flowers: )

[lapushka]

I remember when I first became disabled (and all the issues that went with it, including financially)... hell! Absolute HELL. So I can relate to some extent. I didn't suffer depression (thank God), but it was a very hard time. Now I've been disabled 23 years since September. I can't say you *ever* get used to the different situation. Pardon me for being so short about it all, but you did post this on the mane forum (very public) and I can't go into detail here.

[MusicalSpoons]

I remember when I first became disabled (and all the issues that went with it, including financially)... hell! Absolute HELL. So I can relate to some extent. I didn't suffer depression (thank God), but it was a very hard time. Now I've been disabled 23 years since September. I can't say you *ever* get used to the different situation. Pardon me for being so short about it all, but you did post this on the mane forum (very public) and I can't go into detail here.

Gotta say, I have incredible support and my becoming disabled has been fairly gradual until these past couple of years, but even so it can be truly overwhelming at times. Without that support (family, friends, congregation - no professional support though! That's the main source of anxiety, actually) I don't think I'd still be going, to be quite honest.

:grouphug:

[lapushka]

Gotta say, I have incredible support and my becoming disabled has been fairly gradual until these past couple of years, but even so it can be truly overwhelming at times. Without that support (family, friends, congregation - no professional support though! That's the main source of anxiety, actually) I don't think I'd still be going, to be quite honest.

:grouphug:

Yes I have incredible support from my parents mostly. :grouphug:

[Rebeccalaurenxx]

Well done! Even though it didn't make you feel better at all, you still did it and it is an achievement. You should feel proud of every positive step :)

Losing a pet can be devastating; I've even shed a few tears when it hits me that our cat won't have many years left (he's 17 and an absolute sweetheart), so I can only imagine how it will feel when he does go. I just hope that it will happen in his sleep, like it did for your cat :flower:

(Somebody mentioned counselling upthread; I don't know if you're receiving that kind of help already but if not it might be something to look into if possible. It sounds like you're under a lot of stress, and pretty much anyone would need some support to cope with what you're going through :flowers: )

I was seeking mental help from a local college, but between work and tattooing appointments and school I just haven’t been able to fit it into my schedule. They can get me in around 7:30 but by the time it rolls around I’m too exhausted to go to see a therapist. So I just haven’t had enough of a push or the time.

[leayellena]

If I’m being honest, I’ve been so stressed I haven’t had the time or felt motivated enough to shower and wash my hair. I usually wash every 2 days, but I’m now going onto day 9.
the longer I go the drier my hair seems to feel, does anyone else go through this?
my scalp got oily on day 5/6 but day 7/8 it was dry again.
my ends are super dry and tangled. Just doesn’t feel nice.
My scalp is also SUPER flaky- but not the usual SD flakes I was use to, like dry scalp/dandruff flaky.

how do you deal with your hair after a bout of stress or depression?
one of my cats died last night, and I don’t want to take care of myself at all.
But ive already stretched it too long.. I need to wash even if I don’t feel like it.
And now I just need help restoring my hair and not letting it go back to this state again.

How is do you guys deal with moments like this?
For me, these week long benign neglect days, give me more damage.

the more I stretch washes the better my scalp feels. usually my hair is 1b on the scalp so it poofs a bit when it's freshly washed. the second day my hair is absolutelly greasy and flat on my scalp so normally a short haired or a hair down lover would go back to washing her hair. I bun my hair and that's why I am happy no matter how weighed down my hair looks. my hair looks good until day 3. at this point Ihave to fight the urge to go back in the shower. I succeed in stretching my washes because I check out for flakes. if there are flakes, a relaxing massage helps to get rid of flakes and sebum. keep in mind that sebum may let hair looking wet/oily because humidity doesn't penetrate the hair shaft. day 4-7 sometimes to day 8 my hair does well with a dutch braid bunned every day.
yes, my ends get dry after 4 days, so a bit of dampening and oiling work wonders! I finger detangle first to disrupt bun curls. but if I can't detangle them easily I co-wash or dampen+oil the bun curls.
after a week my hair is so frizzy I can't wait to wcc.

on summer I co-wash or wcc twice a week or if it's not so hot - once a week.


I'm not dealing with depression anymore. I'm still a bit anxious but no more depressive. I am sorry about u and your cat. sending love to u both.

[MamaLou]

I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. I'm also very sorry about your cat, losing a family member is horrible :( When battling depression it is not always possible to care of yourself. If you need to go out you can hide the condition of your hair by putting it in a bun and maybe use some dry shampoo.

Well done for taking a shower and going to work!

[nycelle]

I'm so sorry about your cat. Losing a furbaby is rough. I lost my kittie years ago and still miss him.

Glad you were able to pull yourself up to shower and wash your hair. Sometimes the best things we can do for ourselves are the most basic things, but even they help make us feel "more" human.

[mrsmushroom]

Dry shampoo and a BBB can do wonders for oily, unwashed hair. If you don't have dry shampoo you can use cornstarch, that's what I do. BBB then put the cornstarch in and it'll be like brand new. I've actually gone up to 3 months doing this when I tried no poo. And my hair is extremely oily.

[nmgdolly]

Very sorry to hear about your sweet kitty. Losing our furry babies is sooo awful.
Would a warm bath help?. I know it is a bit difficult to wash the hair in the tub, but maybe it would relax you? Just an idea...

Hugs,

Nancy

[WyntreBlossom]

I'm so sorry im late to this thread.

Condolences about your cat. Much love and warmth for you and all who were attached to her <3

As for the question about your hair, I suffer from about 13 total mental health issues, all of which can affect my hygiene/hair hygiene. Depression is one of them. I have been in your shoes before and I know what it feels like and I am so sorry <3.

What I do is rest. Give my brain and body time to breathe and relax. Take a day away and do things that help you relax or smile even in the smallest of ways. I have even had to force myself to do things that I know make me happy because sometimes I felt like it wouldn't work, but knew I had to try.

Once you find yourself calmer or generally more relaxed or in a semi ok mood, washing/tending to your hygiene or hair doesn't seem so bad or stressful. Baby steps. Sometimes if I was more worried about my hair I would just wet in the sink. No stressful bath, or shampoos. Just wet enough to pass as clean. From there I would work my way up to a full shower.

Sometimes it's easier and I just force myself to get in the shower and clean everything.

I always feel better afterwards, even though everything in the universe is telling me I won't. If you ever need more help or someone to talk to, I don't mind <3