My Mother Has Damaged Matted Hair....Please help?

[Dark40]

Hi all,

My mother's hair is damaged and matted. Especially, when it's wet. She washes it every 2-3 weeks. She does use that much heat on it at all. The only kind of heat she uses is a blow-dryer. She has relaxed and color-treated gray hair. She relaxes her hair every 2 or 3 months, and also colors it also every 2 or 3 months. She hardly ever flat-irons it. What could be the problem causing the damage? The strangest things is that when she blow-dries her hair it comes out smooth and straight like it's hardly ever damaged, and after every wash she always has trouble detangling as well. She uses the Mane N Tail Detangler but that still doesn't help. She just trimmed off an inch but she says that her hair gets tangled while it's wet near the root area.

Can anyone please help me out here?

[shaluwm_agape]

How often does she detangle?

[Obsidian]

Its the chemicals, relaxing and coloring will do that. My hair also mats when its wet due to chemical damage. The only thing that really helps is a coney conditioner. What does your mom use for conditioner? Maybe she needs something a bit more heavy duty.

[Dark40]

shaluwn_agape, she detangles after every wash. I mean, she combs her hair every single day but when it's wet is when she has the problem or detangling.

Obsidian, yes it could be the chemicals relaxing and coloring. Yes, they will do that, and I do the same as well. But I also use heavy duty stuff like thick conditioners and moisturizing products. I also use products with protein in it too. You are right. She needs some heavy duty stuff.

[Sarahlabyrinth]

Sounds like she needs some good strong moisturising conditioners and deep treatments for her hair. Maybe some oil?

[embee]

I would also ask how she is washing and drying her hair. Scrubbing with lots of shampoo, often done twice, and then rubbing with the towel... that helps to *make* tangles.

[lapushka]

I think it might be the harsh chemicals. But if she's always relaxed and dyed, then don't mind my comment.

I suppose she can't give up the relaxer, or the dye...

Maybe she needs to carefully comb & brush it out morning and evening. If she doesn't do that already. My mom washes every 1/2 months (yes you read that correctly, she is that dry, no flakes though) but she brushes her hair morning & evening and very well as she uses hairspray on it daily.

I would also tell her to detangle pre-wash (very important), and then post-wash immediately when it gets out the towel.

[lithostoic]

She might need a protein mask. I get this problem too.

[enting]

Is she trying to comb it out while it's still wet? Some people's hair isn't going to be happy with that regardless, she may have better luck sticking with combing it only when dry.

[SwanFeathers]

Coconut oil just for detangling helps alot

[JennyLue]

It could be as simple as the blow dryer. My hair won’t grow at all when I use heat of any kind. (It grows but will break off before the length comes.)
I would try a really good deep conditioner (herbal essence deep conditioner in the tube is what I use) and if she can afford to get a bottle of olaplex each month that might help as well. So no heat, deep condition and olaplex if possible. (Olaplex or L’Oréal lipidium treatment they are both about $25 a bottle)

[shaluwm_agape]

I agree that her hair can just need a lot of moisture and if worse comes to worst you can do an olaplex treatment if it works to soften bleached hair it should do the same in this case

[aethyra]

I think it might be the harsh chemicals. But if she's always relaxed and dyed, then don't mind my comment.

I suppose she can't give up the relaxer, or the dye...

Maybe she needs to carefully comb & brush it out morning and evening. If she doesn't do that already. My mom washes every 1/2 months (yes you read that correctly, she is that dry, no flakes though) but she brushes her hair morning & evening and very well as she uses hairspray on it daily.

I would also tell her to detangle pre-wash (very important), and then post-wash immediately when it gets out the towel.

Hi Lapushka! What is post washing? Post detangling or something different? My hair is very dry and matted too. I have had no chems for 2 years. No straighrening ever. No heat except for warm blow dry. I have same hair issues as dark40's mom. I am trying everything.. I have 6 inches of highlighted ends that are matting terribly, no matter what I use.. The ends were shiny and soft until early this year.. No reason at all that i can think of..

[spidermom]

I recommend combing it out when it's full of conditioner, then not messing it around afterwards. I will use a flannel pillowcase to squeeze as much of the water out of my hair as possible, then let it air dry or blow dry on warm. No rubbing with a towel. No piling on top of the head while washing, leave it hang.

[AutobotsAttack]

I’m also relaxed, and typically if it’s tangled roots, she needs To keep the line of demarcation detangled. What I don’t think a lot of people here are aware of, is that stretching the relaxer, often causes issues with the line of demarcation. That spot where the new growth and the previously relaxed parts meet. It can sometimes get more and more difficult the longer you go between relaxing. Same thing happens to me occasionally if I haven’t been detangling enough from week to week.

Is she experiencing the matting when it’s been a while after relaxing? I take it the tangles don’t show up that much after a fresh relaxer. If anything she needs to keep the new growth soft. Any deep treatment should do. And keeping the hair detangled from root to tip, and catch as many shed hairs as you can. After shampooing, do a decent deep treatment, focusing on the roots, and thourough detangling after washing, or while in the shower. Using heat with the deep treatment could prove a bit more effective as well.

Back up off the protein treatments as well. For relaxed hair it’s a bit tricky because the new growth doesn’t particularly need all that protein since it’s pretty much brand spanking new hair, and too much protein can rough up the cuticles of the new growth (in my experience at least), but the previously relaxed hair does need protein fortification regularly.

Otherwise it might be best to cut down on how long she’s stretching the relaxer.

[lapushka]

Hi Lapushka! What is post washing? Post detangling or something different? My hair is very dry and matted too. I have had no chems for 2 years. No straighrening ever. No heat except for warm blow dry. I have same hair issues as dark40's mom. I am trying everything.. I have 6 inches of highlighted ends that are matting terribly, no matter what I use.. The ends were shiny and soft until early this year.. No reason at all that i can think of..

Post-wash is just that: after the wash. I post-wash detangle when my hair comes out the towel. I wash, "wring it out" then put it up into a microfiber towel for 15-30 min. and then when I take it out the towel, I brush through with a wet brush (dupe). Then I scrunch my styling products in.

2 years no chemical treatments, that means 12 inches of virgin hair, so if your hair is longer, there is still going to be damage there.

Have you clarify-washed recently?

That's not even been mentioned so far, but might be an option for Dark40's mom too. :flower:

[Jo Ann]

I would also try the LOC/LCO method (link is in Lapushka's signature). Use the leave-in conditioner from scalp to ends, but oil from the ears down. Seeing Autobot's suggestion for the location of the tangles, possibly oil from the demarcation line down might be better.

Good luck and let us know how it works out for your Mom, Dark40!

[aethyra]

Post-wash is just that: after the wash. I post-wash detangle when my hair comes out the towel. I wash, "wring it out" then put it up into a microfiber towel for 15-30 min. and then when I take it out the towel, I brush through with a wet brush (dupe). Then I scrunch my styling products in.

2 years no chemical treatments, that means 12 inches of virgin hair, so if your hair is longer, there is still going to be damage there.

Have you clarify-washed recently?

That's not even been mentioned so far, but might be an option for Dark40's mom too. :flower:
Thank you for your response Lapushka. I did an Acure clarifying shampoo treatment last week. It worked well, but the effect was temporary. :cry:

[Dark40]

I would also try the LOC/LCO method (link is in Lapushka's signature). Use the leave-in conditioner from scalp to ends, but oil from the ears down. Seeing Autobot's suggestion for the location of the tangles, possibly oil from the demarcation line down might be better.

Good luck and let us know how it works out for your Mom, Dark40!

Ok, thanks Jo Ann! I will keep you posted on how it works for my Mom.

[Dark40]

I thank you all for your responses! :) They are really helpful!

[Dark40]

Hi all,

I have an update. My mom did her relaxer today, and now her hair is very happy!!! :D The detangling went very well!!! What she did was after she relaxed her hair she used the shampoo that comes with the kit it also helps to detangle your hair as well. She used an excellent moisturizing conditioner. Then, she used another good moisturizing conditioner like Clairol ColorSeal Gloss Conditioner. She says that helps her with the detangling problems. It gives her hair a nice slip. Then, she applied the Mane N Tail Delangling Conditioner and Isoplus Leave-In Condtioner. She wrapped a T-shirt around her head. Next, she blow-dried on low heat, and her hair came out gorgeous!!! It is very happy and shiny!!! :)

[lapushka]

I'm glad it went well. :)

[Dark40]

Thanks! I will keep you guys posted on how things turn out. :) She was close to chopping it all off, and starting all over again from scratch. I told her, "No, don't do that." Just try a good heavy moisturizing conditioner and try using oil more often. She also hasn't been washing as often either. She's had only been washing it once a month. I suggested to her that she should wash it at least once a week, and she took my suggestion. That's what she used to do many years ago without any problems. Her hair grew a lot better and healthier without getting tangled or matted.

[Jo Ann]

It sounds like your Mom is using a WCC with a L-C (leave-in conditioner + cream) routine, Dark40.

I wonder what's in that shampoo inside her kit and if it's available over-the-counter...maybe there's a shampoo out there she can use between her relaxing treatments that has similar or same ingredients :hmm:

[lapushka]

Maybe washing more often and using a gentle CO-wash, like the one by As-I-Am, or so? That should probably mimic the shampoo pretty well.

[Dark40]

It sounds like your Mom is using a WCC with a L-C (leave-in conditioner + cream) routine, Dark40.

I wonder what's in that shampoo inside her kit and if it's available over-the-counter...maybe there's a shampoo out there she can use between her relaxing treatments that has similar or same ingredients :hmm:

Yes, she does use the WCC with a L-C(leaave0in conditioner + cream_ routine, Jo Ann.

The name of the shampoo inside her kit is available over the counter. We buy it all of the time. The shampoo is called, "ORS Creamy Aloe Neutralizing Shampoo." She can use it everytime or every week when she washes her hair!

[Dark40]

Yes., I also think washing more often and doing gentle CO-washes would be good for her to do as well.

[Dark40]

Hi all,

I have an update on my mother's hair. She washed her hair last week since it's been a week after she did her relaxer, and she's been tangle-free!!! :D Her hair is a lot happier than before the relaxer. So, thanks to you guys for all of your advice. She is beginning to wash her hair more frequently now like once a week. Instead of once a month! Yay!!! I really think she needs wash it at least once a week to keep it clean and detangled.

[lapushka]

Hi all,

I have an update on my mother's hair. She washed her hair last week since it's been a week after she did her relaxer, and she's been tangle-free!!! :D Her hair is a lot happier than before the relaxer. So, thanks to you guys for all of your advice. She is beginning to wash her hair more frequently now like once a week. Instead of once a month! Yay!!! I really think she needs wash it at least once a week to keep it clean and detangled.

I'm glad! Maybe weekly washing is the answer for her then. I'm glad we were helpful at least. :)

ETA and thank you *so* much for the update. Not a lot of people update around here, and so that is really great of you!

[Dark40]

I'm glad! Maybe weekly washing is the answer for her then. I'm glad we were helpful at least. :)

ETA and thank you *so* much for the update. Not a lot of people update around here, and so that is really great of you!

Thanks! Yes, I suggested to her that weekly washing is the answer to keep it from getting matted or tangled. Yes. you all were very helpful at least. :)

You're welcome very much for the update. Yes, I've noticed around here they don't update at all!