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View Full Version : Have to save myself from a post-breakup haircut



victorian girl
October 14th, 2018, 03:38 AM
Hi, my dear long-haired people:o I need your reassurance and support.

So, I broke up with my girlfriend a month ago. Of course, I am sad and confused, but at the same time a bit relieved that I got out from this mess of a relationship that wasn't working for some time already. First I've celebrated this event with buying myself a new shampoo bar and a hair mask, but for the last few days my thoughts took an entirely different direction. I've been thinking about cutting my hair again! Maybe even shorter than the last time! What a horror, right?

There are only two advantages to this idea - 1) I've tried it before and I know it looks good on me; 2) I also know that this haircut is a great conversation starter when I meet other young ladies;) On the other hand, it requires regular upkeeping and also some makeup on my face (don't want to look too androgynous, really). And I know that I will regret it!

My idea has always been that I have to save shorter haircuts for when I'm much older... and I am really trying to stick to that plan despite femme-invisibility ;) So, maybe I could change something else right now to shift the focus from my hair a little bit?..

Words of reason and new ideas are really appreciated:crush:

lapushka
October 14th, 2018, 04:44 AM
Maybe buy a few more products to pamper yourself and don't take it out with the scissors. That is the first thing I used to think about when major life events happened to me.

When I became disabled and there was a major issue, I razored it off. It was hard to maintain, and by that time my mom was still working full-time so I could not have her help me as much.

Don't do it. :flower:

I know it's tempting to want to change up your whole look after something like this, but... maybe it's not a good idea? Maybe learn a new way to put up the hair. Gibson tuck.

And it's only APL, you are going to get *such* a setback in growing.

What's your growth goal? Maybe keep that in mind and think about how far it's gonna set you back.

In any case we can talk all we want, if you want to do it, no one is going to and can stop you!

gingerninja
October 14th, 2018, 05:12 AM
Victorian girl, I personally wouldn't cut at the moment because you've spent precious time growing it out and I believe if you did cut you might regret it I know I would, plus as you said shorter hair requires more upkeep and effort. You could always change something else about your hair e.g. different styles or mess around with temporary hair dye . Hope you choose what's right for you ��

_fred_
October 14th, 2018, 05:30 AM
Hey :) I'm sorry things are rough for you right now.

Thinking of conversation starter hair, how about a style that gives off similar signals to a shorter cut or is just as eye-catching (small French braid at the side to mimic an undercut, for example) without having to lose your length? Usually I'd say go for the cut, but if you're going to regret it, it definitely sounds like a good plan to keep the length.

Changing something else sounds like it could be fun too - as long as it's easily reversible.

On an aside, I'm really glad you're treating yourself. Best of luck getting through all this stronger and more awesome, as I'm sure you will :blossom:

Zesty
October 14th, 2018, 06:19 AM
I have loads of ideas for avoiding cutting your hair, but it depends on the context of course. It seems a shame to cut it based on something that has nothing to do with it, no? I think breakups and such prompt us to want a "fresh start" (not trying to put words in your mouth, just my experience!) which often gets taken out on our hair. Maybe you could achieve a similar "new you" sort of feeling by trying new hairstyles or wearing it differently? Or you could try something new with other aspects of your appearance, like clothes, jewelry, makeup, etc. OR, of course, you can put it up and forget about it and focus on other things, like hobbies or meeting new people (not necessarily romantically). You can also try to remind yourself of why you wanted long hair in the first place. I've found it helps to look at long hair inspo pics and such.

Anyway, if you can identify the underlying urge there (whether it's a desire for a fresh start as I've assumed or something else), it can clarify things and allow you to redirect it.

Kat
October 14th, 2018, 10:07 AM
Dooooooon't do it! Not if you recognize that it's a post-breakup haircut.

Here's the deal: these changes aren't always due to post-breakup blues and you'll regret it later. (When my ex and I split up, I was like "I was thinking about hennaing my hair because there's no one to object to it now" {long story; it wasn't him, it was his parents who would've had an issue with it}. Everyone here was like "NO! No post-breakup changes!" And I was like, "...but this is something I've wanted to do for years and finally have the freedom to do?") But if you know yours is... put the brakes on. At least think about it some more. If you're sure you'll love the cut and if your hair grows back fast, you can maybe justify it. If you're not sure... don't.

The other consideration is: you say it will help you meet new people. BUT, if those people are attracted to that cut, are they going to expect you to maintain your hair that way? Do you want to have to maintain your hair that way for someone else, or do you want to grow it again? See where I'm going with this? Let new women you meet be attracted to you as you already are, so there's no problem later with you being who you are. (To me, your post doesn't read like you're actually saying you need to change to meet someone new, and I'm hoping most people are reasonable enough that they don't become attracted to a person based on one feature and then expect that feature to always remain the same or they lose their attraction, but you never know...)

Maybe try some new styles. Maybe trim some split ends off (if it's the desire to take scissors to your hair that you really want). Maybe try some new clothes or new ways of wearing what you have to boost confidence. But wait a bit on the hair. At least a little while. If in a couple of months you still want to cut, you'll know it's less likely to be an impulse. (Write down the pros and cons of cutting, if you want to. Really examine your motives. Etc.)

victorian girl
October 16th, 2018, 12:02 PM
Thank you everybody for your suggestions! I've realized that I can always do something as interesting but much less drastic - dye my ends into some bright colour, for example (actually, I always wanted to try it but sort of forgot). Also, I guess that for me the idea of going to the salon is attractive in itself, so I could probably do something more constructive, like going to a cosmetologist/dermatologist (never done that yet!). So now I feel like I have some alternatives in case I'd want to change something "right now".

samanthaa
October 16th, 2018, 12:51 PM
Can you channel that desire for change into something healthy instead? Last time I went through a breakup, for example, I took up running and became a vegetarian, both of which ended up being positive changes that I was able to happily maintain.

Milkchocolate
October 16th, 2018, 02:45 PM
It’s like that saying goes “Don’t make a permanent change for a temporary feeling” :)

Well haircuts are not technically permanent, but can take years to grow out. Just stick with it if you know you love long hair.
In the long run, would the idea of completing your hair journey make you happier than a haircut ever would?

lapushka
October 16th, 2018, 03:11 PM
It’s like that saying goes “Don’t make a permanent change for a temporary feeling” :)

Never heard that before. Makes a lot of sense! :)

Milkchocolate
October 16th, 2018, 11:00 PM
Never heard that before. Makes a lot of sense! :)

Loved that quote and thought of LHC instantly haha ❤️

lithostoic
October 16th, 2018, 11:07 PM
Aww I totally understand wanting to be like hey i'm gay. That's how I felt after I broke up with my last boyfriend (I like boys too lol).

I say, learn some kickass wicked awesome hairstyles! Are you into a certain tv series or maybe cosplay? Thoss types of hairstyles are great conversation starters and you might meet someone with the same interests as you c:

Sarahlabyrinth
October 17th, 2018, 02:07 AM
I think some self - pampering is in order. Maybe a lovely deep treatment and learn a new updo? Or buy a new piece of clothing as a treat? It would be a shame to cut hair off when you have been working so hard and being very patient to grow it long. Cutting it won't help it get long, remember... :grouphug:

Longlegs
October 17th, 2018, 03:06 AM
Maybe you could try a new colour instead, just a semi-permanent dye. ?

geenie
October 17th, 2018, 03:52 AM
Noooooooo! Don't do it! Go for a spa day, have a massage, get a new tattoo or go for a holiday :)

Doreen
October 17th, 2018, 02:07 PM
If you know already that you will regret it, don't do it, or maybe get a smaller trim and see how you feel. Another suggestion would be a piercing if you want a change, and you can always let it heal back up if you end up hating it. But that might not be your thing. Sorry about your breakup, I sympathize with your femme-invisibility. :magic:

Sarahlabyrinth
October 17th, 2018, 02:15 PM
Noooooooo! Don't do it! Go for a spa day, have a massage, get a new tattoo or go for a holiday :)

Maybe not a tattoo, as they are permanent.

Jo Ann
October 17th, 2018, 09:15 PM
Three words:

Two.

Week.

Rule.

Even when considering the tattoo... :p

Ylva
October 18th, 2018, 08:49 AM
Three words:

Two.

Week.

Rule.

Even when considering the tattoo... :p

I'd give a tattoo a lot longer than two weeks! :rollin: More like two months!

But yeah, like people have said, don't make any decision regarding your hair at this exact moment. You'll have time to cut it short later if you truly so desire!

OhSuzi
October 18th, 2018, 09:48 AM
I once chopped all my hair off to 1cm crop shortly after a messy break up and to be honest - it felt great - losing that weight of hair was like losing the weight of all the stress at the end of that relationship - everything about me felt lighter - and because it was kind of a boyish crop and the media / society tend to associate short haired women with being more powerful / confident / assertive etc. that was kind of how I felt.
(I know thats not necessarily true - you can have short hair and be a fragiile flower, you can have long hair and be powerful and confident too)
But because that it is kind of how society treats it and because it was such a drastic change I got alot of attention and compliments and felt even more confident and stronger because of it.
I enjoyed it short & I enjoyed being able to dye it and change it up & chop it off & the different styles as I grew it out too - no regrets.
However, after a more recent breakup - I changed nothing particularly about my appearance - as I'm supposedly older and wiser - I don't need it - I don't have anything to prove to anyone, I don't need extra help with confidence, the only thing I decided to change was to focus more on things that are good for me like eating healthier and doing activiities that Id always wanted to do.

So if you really think it's what you need to reflect & encourage the change within you - do it.
But if you're worried about losing your lovely long locks - like the others suggested try changing something else that helps show the world that you're a new stronger person
Learn how to do a viking style faux hawk and wear black kohl eyeliner - thats a pretty powerful look
or a dominatrix style really slick high pony tail braid
or go the opposite way - wear no make up & let your hair be wild n free
If you really feel like you know yourself, don't make any drastic visable changes instead make positive little changes that are just for you - go to the dance lessons you're partner wouldnt go with you to, learn to ride a horse, clear out your wardrobe or maybe your room and redecorate.
good luck with whatever you chose xxxx

chantecler
October 18th, 2018, 09:59 AM
Oh gosh, I totally get the feeling of wanting to be just a little apparently queer. I'm Pan, and now that I'm in a relationship with a guy, I just think I look way too darned straight... I seriously considered getting my septum pierced just to get back some queer credit :p

But honestly, it's not worth doing something you know you will regret just for that. Keep the long hair, get pampered, congrats for ending a relationship that wasn't working, and good luck for the next period of your life!

victorian girl
October 19th, 2018, 07:54 AM
Wow, some really killer suggestions here! The "hey, I'm gay" thing is real, yeah. I'm going to a consultation with a dermatologist tomorrow - it's big part of self-care, isn't it? Buying some new clothes also helps, I admit:o

M3DUS4
November 1st, 2018, 02:47 PM
If you want to play with your appearance, I'd suggest binging on unusual hairstyle tutorials, makeup tutorials, and videos about cultivating a personal aesthetic in clothing. Reinvention every now and then is healthy and fun, but, GIRL, the fact that you are posting here for help means that you know how bad it'd be if you chopped off your hair... Remember the awkward stage? I just finished growing out my own, and man, if I can save even one other person from being condemned to the lumpy-head look for months in the name of trying something different, then I gotdam will.

Here are some links for trying out new stuff aesthetically. I'm not a Reddit addict, I can stop whenever I want!:

https://www.reddit.com/r/femalefashionadvice/
https://www.reddit.com/r/MakeupAddiction/wiki/hgproducts
https://www.reddit.com/r/MakeupAddiction/wiki/tutorialsandmore
https://forums.longhaircommunity.com/forumdisplay.php?f=48
https://forums.longhaircommunity.com/showthread.php?t=145554
https://stylecaster.com/beauty/beauty-vloggers-youtube/
https://www.pinterest.ca/
https://www.youtube.com/

Make yourself a conversation starter. Do something fun that will take your mind off of things... do something that will make you feel like a newer, stronger woman. But don't chop on impulse if you think you'll miss it! There are ways to transform yourself that you can take back if you find regretti in your spaghetti.

If you're interested, I can also send you my big list of favorited unusual hair tutorials.