Depressed about my hair :(

[thunderseed]

No one in my life really understands how I feel. I thought you guys would! Has this ever happened to you?

I went a little too long without trimming my ends and I guess my split ends got so bad that now I have to chop off 5 inches, and I'm so devastated about that, plus I'm stressed out about these stupid split ends, i don't think they are ever going to end no matter what I do, and I've tried everything, so now I'm thinking I should just chop it all off super short, but that makes me way sadder, it's like I'm just beating myself up.
I mean, I want long hair, but i want it to be healthy. And it just seems impossible for me to keep it healthy when it's so long. I'm so depressed about it and of course my loved ones are like, well why don't you just cut it short then and i'm like, it would be like the end of the world for me. It's bad enough that I need to cut 5 inches off. I'm sure that 5 inches will grow pretty fast though, but if I do something rash and cut it super short, it'll take forever to grow back out. :(
I just wish my hair would be healthy and never get frayed and split ends

[FennFire911]

Hang in there!
My length is far from perfect. I'm working toward a length goal and then will be microtrimming and maintaining at that length until the rest of my hairs catch up and the hemline is nice and thick. My hair doesn't look its very best right now, but I know that losing length would feel very demoralizing.
You're not alone! Just baby those ends and hang in there.

[Jo Ann]

I agree with FennFire--microtrim and, to help get the split ends remaining under control, S&D. In the mean time, work on developing better hair habits and rituals to help your hair get in the best condition possible.

For the record, who said you HAD to take off about five inches of hair? That sounds a bit drastic, if you ask me.

[Dark40]

I agree with FennFire and Jo Ann. Do microtrimming and S&D's so that you can get the split ends under control. The ends of my hair isn't perfect either but what I do to keep from having to trim often is condition, condition, and condition. Also, keeping my hair moisturized with oils as well. I go a long time without trimming too. I haven't had a trim in 3 months but I only trim whenever there is a need, and that is once or twice a year.

[Doreen]

Maybe this goes without saying but I'm saying it anyway -- make sure your scissors are super sharp. Blunt scissors can actually lead to more split ends. I cut my bangs with office scissors for years and layered them with kitchen shears, and I'm still growing out the damage.

[paulownia]

If your ends are really that damaged then you should get rid of them. Even if that means cutting 5 inches. If you keep them there will be even more damage later.
Use very sharp scissors. And its a good idea to start sealing the ends with silicone serum.

[Blondie Locks]

I’m chiming in with Jo Ann here...who says you HAVE to cut off 5 inches? Let me guess...a hair stylist? Good grief. 😝 I’m very reluctant to take advice from hair stylists because more often than not, they have an agenda.

Yes though, I do understand that you’re upset. I would be too. Don’t forget, people have all different kinds of opinions and you can do whatever you want because it’s YOUR hair. You don’t have to do anything somebody tells you. You can just trim off whatever you’re ok with and continue to do that every few months or whenever you want.

You can also do what I do...if you so desire...and that is to get yourself some sharp and good quality hair scissors and when you’re watching TV at night, sift through your ends and cut the splits individually. Nobody says you have to cut every single end you have, to take care of splits. Or you can just trim all your ends, little by little and care for them better while you’re removing the damage over time. Do what YOU feel comfortable with...not what someone else tells you. 😉

I have dry ends more than splits and I moisturize the ends at night and then seal the moisture with a very small amount of Vaseline. It works like a charm for me and helps prevent future splits and dryness. My hair sucks it up like it was never there.

[01]

Well, I cut all my hair really short (I had, like 1,5cm hair left! It grown out some, but it's still shorter than pixie) and I have to tell you... I'm really happy. I'm finally starting to like my hair somewhat. And I had long hair my whole life and hated them. There's a ton of hairstyling options on short hair (especially bob and lob) as I mentioned in this thread: https://forums.longhaircommunity.com/showthread.php?t=147599

But for everyone it's different, I hated my hair and I'm relieved now when I have less hair to take care of (they're really thick and unruly). I know that for some people it'd be devastating, though. You need to decide what's good for YOU, not based on what other people are thinking (so ignore other people if they tell you to have short hair but you don't want to). I just wanted to say, that I didn't knew what to expect (after all I always had long hair) and short hair aren't the devil, actually. They have a ton of styling options and detangling is nonexistent (on super-short) or a breeze (on short bob - 5 minute detangling session!). For me problems start on lob/past my shoulders... detangling is already so insanely time consuming then. So for me it's not worth it having hair past my shoulders, I could as well have super long hair since detangling is a problem already.

As far as ****ty ends go, daily dose of grapeseed oil and washing my hair with water only worked wonders for me when I was at tailbone. And I was on non-trimming thing (not even search and destroy...) then so yeah... when your ends are dry OIL, OIL, OIL. Not trim. Trim only if tons of oil won't work. If couple drops don't work then oil heavily.

[Blondie Locks]

Good for you, 01. 👍 I think it’s great that you’re keeping your hair the way you like it and not how others think you should keep it. I’m sure it’s very lovely. 😉

Hey, hair doesn’t have to be long to be beautiful. I’ve seen plenty of short hair styles that were utterly drop-dead-gorgeous. I’ve also seen many long hairstyles that were hideous...stringy and uncared for. It’s not the length that makes it nice. It’s how well it’s cared for and loved. ♥️

[VersLaLumière]

Sorry to hear you’re not feeling good about your hair thunderseed! It may not be as bad as you think. I’ve been through some phases with my hair during the growth process that were pretty horrible (unmanageable, dry/velcro, couldn’t run fingers through it, limp/flat, breakage/splits, even a weird stringy/clumpy phase). I was dying to cut it, but usually it was just that I needed to upgrade my routine to deal with the current stage my hair was in. Most of the issues were actually caused by having reached a new length and not knowing how to care for it properly at that length yet. I pushed through, switched up my routine, and my hair improved - so I managed to stick to my modest trim schedule and avoid doing drastic cuts.

5 inches is a lot of hair - if you really don’t want to cut that much then why start with a modest 1” (or maybe 2”) trim, then try switching up your routine and see if that makes all the difference you need?

[lapushka]

Another vote for trimming *yourself* and for joining the microtrimming thread. It also sounded to me in your initial post as if those 5 inches off were being "pushed" on you by a stylist. I'm sure it's not as bad as you think. Stylists often think frayed and fairytailed ends are "dead" and must come off no matter what. Don't fall for it!

Take a breather and check the microtrimming thread out and also feye's self-trimming method. I'm sure you won't mess it up as bad as cutting 5 whole inches off! ;)

[LittleOgre]

Have you ever thought of using silicones

[elfynity]

The ends of my hair, at least 4 inches were dry and old and were full of splits and breaks and just not happy in general. I have been conditioning my ends very well the last month, leaving it in in protective styles as well. The first few times I sat down and S&D'd about 3 months ago, I thought that it would never end, I just kept finding more and more splits and those white dots, but suddenly, one day, I just couldn't find anymore! The last time I checked I cut off only 2 splits!

I have totally babying my hair ends and they have changed since I have been moisturizing them. I usually condition the last 7 inches of my hair to make sure the job is done properly, and just leave it in overnight, or whatever. My ends are no longer split and they are much better than they were. I have also joined the microtrimming thread to keep my ends healthier.

I am totally sure that you don't have to cut that much. Maybe just look at your routine, try to find out what you are doing wrong, and start on a healthier path. If you cut all your hair short, you will still need to baby it for 5 years or whatever to get it back to this point. In those 5 years there will be wear and tear, just as there is now. But you do really need to do what you feel the most comfortable with of course! I hope that you find what is going to work best for you and are very happy with that.

[thunderseed]

Thank you so much everyone, I feel so much better now reading all your lovely replies. I am not going to cut off 5 inches.

Yes, it was a new hair stylist I went to who said that. And she was really rude also, I actually left before I got anything done, I offered to pay for her time but the other stylists said don't worry about it. She seemed to hate my hair for some reason! Most stylists I've been to have been in awe of my hair. So I'm not entirely sure she's correct about the state of my hair, because she was legitimately being quite snotty for some reason, but it still really upset me regardless. I didn't realize my hair was in that bad of shape.

Over the summer I was definitely lacking in the moisturizer department and not caring for my hair as good as I usually do, so maybe it is worse than usual, but I still don't understand why she wanted me to take off that much.

I'm encouraged that you guys were able to get your hair in better shape just with better routines and not having to chop off a whole lot.

I am definitely going to try your ideas for moisturizers, especially the vaseline idea, I haven't tried that yet.

Yes, I have thought of cutting my hair to shoulder length, I think it could be really fun, plus I do love the look of short hair and funky short styles. I like punk looks too. I used to have short hair, it was great. Plus if I had short hair, I would experiment with permanent hair dyes, bleach and other things like that which I refuse to do with my long hair lol. Sometimes having long hair can get kind of boring. But I am still in love with my long hair and I would be so upset if I cut it short, I've put so much time and effort into getting it to this length and am not ready to go short yet and probably not for quite awhile. Also, long hair is kind of rare here, not many people have long hair so it's also cool for that reason, when people admire how long your hair is.

So my current goal is to grow it longer, but to really work on getting my hair, especially ends in better shape so hair dressers will never say that to me again lol.

[Blondie Locks]

Thank you so much everyone, I feel so much better now reading all your lovely replies. I am not going to cut off 5 inches!

Yes, it was a new hair stylist I went to who said that. And she was really rude also, I actually left before I got anything done, I offered to pay for her time but the other stylists said don't worry about it. She seemed to hate my hair for some reason! Most stylists I've been to have been in awe of my hair. So I'm not entirely sure she's correct about the state of my hair, because she was legitimately being quite snotty for some reason, but it still really upset me regardless. I didn't realize my hair was in that bad of shape.

Over the summer I was definitely lacking in the moisturizer department and not caring for my hair as good as I usually do, so maybe it is worse than usual, but I still don't understand why she wanted me to take off that much.

I'm encouraged that you guys were able to get your hair in better shape just with better routines and not having to chop off a whole lot.

I am definitely going to try your ideas for moisturizers, especially the vaseline idea, I haven't tried that yet.

Yes, I have thought of cutting my hair to shoulder length, I think it could be really fun, plus I do love the look of short hair and funky short styles. I like punk looks too. I used to have short hair, it was great. Plus if I had short hair, I would experiment with permanent hair dyes, bleach and other things like that which I refuse to do with my long hair lol. Sometimes having long hair can get kind of boring. But I am still in love with my long hair and I would be so upset if I cut it short, I've put so much time and effort into getting it to this length and am not ready to go short yet and probably not for quite awhile. Also, long hair is kind of rare here, not many people have long hair so it's also cool for that reason, when people admire how long your hair is.

So my current goal is to grow it longer, but to really work on getting my hair, especially ends in better shape so hair dressers will never say that to me again lol.

Oh I’m so glad you’re not going to chop off 5 inches, thunderseed! :D

Remember that hairdressers have an agenda when they want you to lop off your hair, especially if you are a regular. It makes their job easier when your hair is short. They just want to whisk their clients in and out of the chairs but long hair holds them up and takes more time.

Don’t ever let a hairstylist tell you what to do with your hair. Or anyone else for that matter. Decide for yourself, no matter how much pressure they apply. They like to use the “I’m the expert” approach and “I know best”. Many get sucked in by it...only to go home in tears once the reality of what was done to their hair, sets in.
You are one of the lucky ones, my dear. Pat yourself on the back.

Frankly, I don’t think your hair was in as bad a shape as she was trying to have you believe. The snotty attitude is a tell...there is more than meets the eye there. So glad you left. Who knows what her agenda was. She could have even just been downright jealous. Who knows. I find hairdressers with short hair are the ones that try to pressure me the most, to cut it. Usually, THEY are the ones with the fried hair but they tried to project their own hair issues, onto me. Nice try.

Ok onto the next...

Just please note...if you’re going to try my Vaseline trick...you gotta add moisture to the ends first because the Vaseline only seals the moisture and acts as a barrier to not allow any moisture out or in. It doesn’t actually moisturize the hair by itself. Even the cocoa butter Vaseline that I use, which is supposed to be moisturizing....I still add some extra moisture product first before I seal.

Also, just use a very tiny amount to start....you don’t need much at all. You can always add more but you can’t any away. I do this every single night. If your hair is very dry, it will not look greasy whatsoever from the Vaseline. Even after six nights of doing this, my ends looks like the Vaseline was never there at all. The ends are much less dry and less prone to breakage. Hope you like it as much as I do. I also sometimes use a smidgeon to smooth down flyaways or rub a tad on the lengths of my hair if it’s muggy out and I’m frizzing. A little tiny bit rubbed into your hands goes a long way.

Anyway, thanks for checking in and letting us know that you are smarter than the average bear. Your hair is gonna be just fine. Sounds like you’re inspired to take better care of it for the fall and winter. Good luck. Hugs. :waving:

[thunderseed]

Oh I’m so glad you’re not going to chop off 5 inches, thunderseed! :D

Remember that hairdressers have an agenda when they want you to lop off your hair, especially if you are a regular. It makes their job easier when your hair is short. They just want to whisk their clients in and out of the chairs but long hair holds them up and takes more time.

Don’t ever let a hairstylist tell you what to do with your hair. Or anyone else for that matter. Decide for yourself, no matter how much pressure they apply. They like to use the “I’m the expert” approach and “I know best”. Many get sucked in by it...only to go home in tears once the reality of what was done to their hair, sets in.
You are one of the lucky ones, my dear. Pat yourself on the back.

Frankly, I don’t think your hair was in as bad a shape as she was trying to have you believe. The snotty attitude is a tell...there is more than meets the eye there. So glad you left. Who knows what her agenda was. She could have even just been downright jealous. Who knows. I find hairdressers with short hair are the ones that try to pressure me the most, to cut it. Usually, THEY are the ones with the fried hair but they tried to project their own hair issues, onto me. Nice try.

Ok onto the next...

Just please note...if you’re going to try my Vaseline trick...you gotta add moisture to the ends first because the Vaseline only seals the moisture and acts as a barrier to not allow any moisture out or in. It doesn’t actually moisturize the hair by itself. Even the cocoa butter Vaseline that I use, which is supposed to be moisturizing....I still add some extra moisture product first before I seal.

Also, just use a very tiny amount to start....you don’t need much at all. You can always add more but you can’t any away. I do this every single night. If your hair is very dry, it will not look greasy whatsoever from the Vaseline. Even after six nights of doing this, my ends looks like the Vaseline was never there at all. The ends are much less dry and less prone to breakage. Hope you like it as much as I do. I also sometimes use a smidgeon to smooth down flyaways or rub a tad on the lengths of my hair if it’s muggy out and I’m frizzing. A little tiny bit rubbed into your hands goes a long way.

Anyway, thanks for checking in and letting us know that you are smarter than the average bear. Your hair is gonna be just fine. Sounds like you’re inspired to take better care of it for the fall and winter. Good luck. Hugs. :waving:

Omg, now that you mention it like that (how it's easier for them to just deal with short hairs) her reaction makes a lot of sense now. I didn't even realize it, but if you think about it, hair dressers are so used to getting short haired people in their salons, they mostly do hair cuts, colouring and highlights and things on people who don't care about damaging their hair, and it's not the end of the world if they accidentally make a mistake on someone with shorter hair. But then when they get a long haired person in who does care about damage and doesn't want it cut too much, they are probably having panic attacks!

I never even thought of that. Before she got all rude and everything, she did say "Omg your hair is so long!!!" and she did seem very uncomfortable and unconfident in herself and went to get advice from some other stylist and didn't seem to be understanding me, and she actually did bring me a consent form to sign, that said something along the lines of if she made a mistake and accidentally damaged my hair that I wouldn't be able to hold her accountable for it. That has never happened to me at any other salon before, and of course I was like, no I'm not signing that, just don't damage my hair lol.
In hindsight it makes a lot of sense now. She was upset and rude because most likely because she was too scared to work on my hair, and wanted to just cut a bunch off.

I think your hair dressers are most likely jealous of your hair, because I think most people are jealous of long hair lol. And people really do project the things they don't like about themselves on other people, I have noticed that happening so frequently when I watch other people talk to each other. I can never tell when it's happening towards me, but I see it happening to other people all the time, and it's often so ridiculous that I'm usually like, are they not seeing what I'm seeing? So weird how that works.

Oh, I actually think it may have happened to me once in regards to my hair. There was this old woman with super short hair who saw me empty out my hairbrush before brushing my hair. I shouldn't have done that in public since it's kind of gross but it was after my workout so my hair was a mess. The hair left over in my brush can sometimes make a huge ball of hair (i call them kittens lol) when I don't clean it out often. Anyways, she came up to me and was like, "have you ever tried coconut oil to prevent hair loss, because it looks like you're losing a lot of hair" and i was like ok obviously she is just ignorant about long hair since she has such short hair right, so I said "Yes I actually do use coconut oil, but hair loss is the least of my problems, if anything I have way too much hair! It's normal for everyone to shed some hairs, it just looks like a lot of hair in my brush because my hair is so long and I didn't clean it out for awhile." And that didn't even convince her one bit, she walked off all grumpy and upset saying I was losing all my hair LOL and I should put coconut oil on my scalp like she does. It was very strange because I definitely wasn't losing all my hair lol. Still haven't.

You are a genius! My hair is loving your vaseline method already, and it makes so much sense because whenever I use normal conditioners or oils, it's like they don't actually penetrate it or stay on for long enough to make a difference, so the vaseline creating a seal is genius. My ends are insanely soft right now. I'm excited to see what my hair will be like after a week of doing this.

And I used non petroleum vaseline, because it's all I had on hand but it's exactly the same consistency of regular vaseline. I love using this stuff in the winter for dry lips, I never thought to try it on my hair.
Thanks for sharing this with me.

[Margarita]

Yes, that has happened to me a few years ago. You should microtrim and care for your ends. Put oils for hours before you wash your hair, and use nurishing and moisturizing products for your hair. Find a protective hairstyle, like a loose braid or a messy bun. Search for bumble and bumble products. This may be a savior for your hair :D https://www.bumbleandbumble.com/product/19053/52036/care/treatments/while-you-sleep-damage-repair-masque#/sku/84897

[enting]

I used to get 4-5 inches chopped off every time I went to the hairdresser. I would tell them I want the split ends gone, and they'd cut where the hair started getting rougher. I mean, that does make a certain amount of sense, but I never gained any length. Since I started oiling the ends, learning how to prevent damage, and trimming it myself, I have gained a bunch of length. Frequent, small self trims work much better for me than going to a hairdresser. I also learned that I don't need to cut it above the last of my splits for it to feel and look a whole lot better. Just an inch can do it. But hairdressers are going to want to cut above the point where the texture changes a bit, even if that could be remedied with a little bit of oil/vaseline/conditioner and doesn't need to be cut at all.

[Kalamazoo]

Wow. Envy. :stirpot: That explains a whole lot of the human race, doesn't it. I mean, no matter what subject you're good at, one of your classmates is going to tease you & ostracize you & make you feel like 2 cents, & then you wind up feeling lonely, due to not fitting in ... Well, that's how German class was for me, anyway, and I didn't see that green-eyed Envy monster until just now, reading this thread. :taz: And now, I'm realizing it's dogged me in other pursuits, too. The REAL lessons aren't what the course catalog says the classes are about -- it's how to handle the people without losing your sanity en route. :confused:

[Ylva]

Yes, it was a new hair stylist I went to who said that. And she was really rude also, I actually left before I got anything done, I offered to pay for her time but the other stylists said don't worry about it. She seemed to hate my hair for some reason! Most stylists I've been to have been in awe of my hair. So I'm not entirely sure she's correct about the state of my hair, because she was legitimately being quite snotty for some reason, but it still really upset me regardless. I didn't realize my hair was in that bad of shape.

On Monday I got to hear similar stuff from my hairdresser. I like her a lot otherwise, but I learned that she's definitely not a longhair - not physically, not at heart. She said I wouldn't be able to go without cuts until July 2019 because of my ends as my hair "wouldn't look healthy with three hairs in the bottom" and that it might be necessary to cut around 15 cm (5.9 inches) off. However, when I consulted the LHC about my ends, I didn't get that verdict at all, but rather that I shouldn't need to worry about my ends at all. Whenever you get comments like that from hairdressers, always come here with a photo of your hair/ends before making any decisions about cutting!

[Ylva]

Blondie Locks, how water soluble is Vaseline? Would it work for someone who is mainly sulfate free?

[Arciela]

Thank you so much everyone, I feel so much better now reading all your lovely replies. I am not going to cut off 5 inches.

Yes, it was a new hair stylist I went to who said that. And she was really rude also, I actually left before I got anything done, I offered to pay for her time but the other stylists said don't worry about it. She seemed to hate my hair for some reason! Most stylists I've been to have been in awe of my hair. So I'm not entirely sure she's correct about the state of my hair, because she was legitimately being quite snotty for some reason, but it still really upset me regardless. I didn't realize my hair was in that bad of shape.

Over the summer I was definitely lacking in the moisturizer department and not caring for my hair as good as I usually do, so maybe it is worse than usual, but I still don't understand why she wanted me to take off that much.

I'm encouraged that you guys were able to get your hair in better shape just with better routines and not having to chop off a whole lot.

I am definitely going to try your ideas for moisturizers, especially the vaseline idea, I haven't tried that yet.

Yes, I have thought of cutting my hair to shoulder length, I think it could be really fun, plus I do love the look of short hair and funky short styles. I like punk looks too. I used to have short hair, it was great. Plus if I had short hair, I would experiment with permanent hair dyes, bleach and other things like that which I refuse to do with my long hair lol. Sometimes having long hair can get kind of boring. But I am still in love with my long hair and I would be so upset if I cut it short, I've put so much time and effort into getting it to this length and am not ready to go short yet and probably not for quite awhile. Also, long hair is kind of rare here, not many people have long hair so it's also cool for that reason, when people admire how long your hair is.

So my current goal is to grow it longer, but to really work on getting my hair, especially ends in better shape so hair dressers will never say that to me again lol.

I am so glad you didn't have to cut off 5 inches! My ends were in really bad shape from too much protein so I did a SMT (Snowymoon's treatment) and it fixed them up nicely, it might be worth looking into and giving a try :flower: Also seconding the microtrimming! It really helps over time :)

[lapushka]

Blondie Locks, how water soluble is Vaseline? Would it work for someone who is mainly sulfate free?

I think mineral oil would be a better bet than vaseline, TBH. But you have to do what works for you.

[Blondie Locks]

Blondie Locks, how water soluble is Vaseline? Would it work for someone who is mainly sulfate free?

Ylva, unfortunately, Vaseline is not water-soluble at all. :(

Besides this, I could never say with certainty anyway, if something would or would not work in someone else’s hair because we are all different. Trial and error will be the best teachers of all. What works for one person, may be an absolute nightmare for someone else! I just enjoy experimenting and seeing what works for me. :)

[VersLaLumière]

Thank you so much everyone, I feel so much better now reading all your lovely replies. I am not going to cut off 5 inches.

Yes, it was a new hair stylist I went to who said that. And she was really rude also, I actually left before I got anything done, I offered to pay for her time but the other stylists said don't worry about it. She seemed to hate my hair for some reason! Most stylists I've been to have been in awe of my hair. So I'm not entirely sure she's correct about the state of my hair, because she was legitimately being quite snotty for some reason, but it still really upset me regardless. I didn't realize my hair was in that bad of shape.

Over the summer I was definitely lacking in the moisturizer department and not caring for my hair as good as I usually do, so maybe it is worse than usual, but I still don't understand why she wanted me to take off that much.

I'm encouraged that you guys were able to get your hair in better shape just with better routines and not having to chop off a whole lot.

I am definitely going to try your ideas for moisturizers, especially the vaseline idea, I haven't tried that yet.

Yes, I have thought of cutting my hair to shoulder length, I think it could be really fun, plus I do love the look of short hair and funky short styles. I like punk looks too. I used to have short hair, it was great. Plus if I had short hair, I would experiment with permanent hair dyes, bleach and other things like that which I refuse to do with my long hair lol. Sometimes having long hair can get kind of boring. But I am still in love with my long hair and I would be so upset if I cut it short, I've put so much time and effort into getting it to this length and am not ready to go short yet and probably not for quite awhile. Also, long hair is kind of rare here, not many people have long hair so it's also cool for that reason, when people admire how long your hair is.

So my current goal is to grow it longer, but to really work on getting my hair, especially ends in better shape so hair dressers will never say that to me again lol.

Good to hear thunderseed! I’m sorry about your experience at the salon. Sounds like she didn’t appreciate your length (and/or had a bad day). Yeah for the most part a hairstylist’s job is to cut hair into a “style” and many of them don’t actually see long hair as a style in itself. Their idea of style is often to do something trendy or fashionable with the cut (not to mention harsh products / chemical processing) and the longest length that will fit that agenda is typically BSL. Some or most of them have no idea how to deal with or care for very long hair, their solution is to give it a cut.

I had a hairstylist tell me something similar and I declined her advice, after I pointed out to her that my hair was healthy and didn’t need a cut. My hair was just about MBL. I requested a bang trim only and when she saw my length she grabbed at my hair and frowned and told me “ok, well we need to CUT THIS.” Then she told me my hair was “looking messy. It’s messy.” Because for her, my hair IS a mess, it’s not sculpted into a style of the moment. I told her I’m growing my hair long and she said “It’s already long” and implied that I don’t need to grow it anymore because it’s already too much. So I told her my hair doesn’t even have split ends, so it clearly doesn’t need a cut. It’s just dry and needs a treatment or routine change. She frowned and proceeded to examine my hair. She investigated my ends for several minutes, looking very very closely, until she finally conceeded that I was right. She had to admit that my hair didn’t have split or mangled ends, and she noted hersed that my hair didn’t even have the thinning or taper at the ends like many people do at that length. So tell me again why we NEED to CUT THIS, then?? Lol. But I didn’t hold it against her. I understand they are doing a certain job and they’re not in the long hair biz. Most aren’t trained in troubleshooting long hair, they’re trained in cutting it. Who knows, she might have even learned something from me that day!

Some of my favorite products that saved my length and ends from an untimely appointment with the scissors were Shea Moisture JBCO leave-in and Shea Moisture Extra-Moisture Detangler leave-in. I use the JBCO on its own after a shower, but when my hair is being extra crazy and I need killer results I use them together. I tie my hair in a low pony, wet the last six inches or so with water in the sink, apply small amount of JBCO, then a small amount of the Detangler on top of it. I usually do this just before bed on an as-needed basis. Leaves my hair smooth with slip at the ends, but not weighed down or coated. Trust me my hair has been through a nightmare phase or two lol.

Good luck w/ S&D and experimenting! 🌷

[Blondie Locks]

Omg, now that you mention it like that (how it's easier for them to just deal with short hairs) her reaction makes a lot of sense now. I didn't even realize it, but if you think about it, hair dressers are so used to getting short haired people in their salons, they mostly do hair cuts, colouring and highlights and things on people who don't care about damaging their hair, and it's not the end of the world if they accidentally make a mistake on someone with shorter hair. But then when they get a long haired person in who does care about damage and doesn't want it cut too much, they are probably having panic attacks!

I never even thought of that. Before she got all rude and everything, she did say "Omg your hair is so long!!!" and she did seem very uncomfortable and unconfident in herself and went to get advice from some other stylist and didn't seem to be understanding me, and she actually did bring me a consent form to sign, that said something along the lines of if she made a mistake and accidentally damaged my hair that I wouldn't be able to hold her accountable for it. That has never happened to me at any other salon before, and of course I was like, no I'm not signing that, just don't damage my hair lol.
In hindsight it makes a lot of sense now. She was upset and rude because most likely because she was too scared to work on my hair, and wanted to just cut a bunch off.

I think your hair dressers are most likely jealous of your hair, because I think most people are jealous of long hair lol. And people really do project the things they don't like about themselves on other people, I have noticed that happening so frequently when I watch other people talk to each other. I can never tell when it's happening towards me, but I see it happening to other people all the time, and it's often so ridiculous that I'm usually like, are they not seeing what I'm seeing? So weird how that works.

Oh, I actually think it may have happened to me once in regards to my hair. There was this old woman with super short hair who saw me empty out my hairbrush before brushing my hair. I shouldn't have done that in public since it's kind of gross but it was after my workout so my hair was a mess. The hair left over in my brush can sometimes make a huge ball of hair (i call them kittens lol) when I don't clean it out often. Anyways, she came up to me and was like, "have you ever tried coconut oil to prevent hair loss, because it looks like you're losing a lot of hair" and i was like ok obviously she is just ignorant about long hair since she has such short hair right, so I said "Yes I actually do use coconut oil, but hair loss is the least of my problems, if anything I have way too much hair! It's normal for everyone to shed some hairs, it just looks like a lot of hair in my brush because my hair is so long and I didn't clean it out for awhile." And that didn't even convince her one bit, she walked off all grumpy and upset saying I was losing all my hair LOL and I should put coconut oil on my scalp like she does. It was very strange because I definitely wasn't losing all my hair lol. Still haven't.

You are a genius! My hair is loving your vaseline method already, and it makes so much sense because whenever I use normal conditioners or oils, it's like they don't actually penetrate it or stay on for long enough to make a difference, so the vaseline creating a seal is genius. My ends are insanely soft right now. I'm excited to see what my hair will be like after a week of doing this.

And I used non petroleum vaseline, because it's all I had on hand but it's exactly the same consistency of regular vaseline. I love using this stuff in the winter for dry lips, I never thought to try it on my hair.
Thanks for sharing this with me.

Oh you’re so welcome thunderseed, about the Vaseline tip! I’m glad you’re seeing good results. I swear by the stuff. Of course I use it very sparingly and I don’t go applying huge glops of it to my hair...as I would think it might be very difficult to remove, if I did. A little bit, really does go a long way. It adds nice shine too. I just adore the stuff. :heartbeat

Another thing I do and you may also enjoy doing with your vaseline jelly, is I put a bit into a small shallow dish while I fill a larger bowl with hot water from the kettle. I then place the tiny dish with the Vaseline into the hot water bowl....the double boiler method. It will melt down the jelly and turn it into an oil-like-consistency. Makes it easier to apply, plus the hot water warms it up slightly.

For me personally, after so many nightmare salon visits, they have surely seen the last of me. Lol. It’s super easy to cut my own hair and sometimes too, my mom helps me. My hair is mostly one length so cutting a straight line is easy peasy. Plus I remove random split ends some nights when I’m watching TV. No hairstylist, ever needs to be near my hair again...and good riddance. :bigtongue:

You really gotta wonder how someone who has a job working with people in such a close and intimate way as cutting one’s hair, could ever possibly justify being snippy with a customer....especially one they don’t even know. :crazyq: Talk about a red flag! I would be running out the door in one quick hurry.

[Ylva]

I think mineral oil would be a better bet than vaseline, TBH. But you have to do what works for you.

Alright, cool. I've got a pretty good hair mask with mineral oil in it, but so far I've only used it prior to sulfate washes. Do you know how easy it is to generate buildup using mineral oil, if it's one of the main ingredients in a hair mask?


Ylva, unfortunately, Vaseline is not water-soluble at all. :(

Besides this, I could never say with certainty anyway, if something would or would not work in someone else’s hair because we are all different. Trial and error will be the best teachers of all. What works for one person, may be an absolute nightmare for someone else! I just enjoy experimenting and seeing what works for me. :)



Alright. In that case, I don't think it's worth a shot for me. :)

Yeah absolutely, I was just wondering if it could be an option for me. I'm more or less happy with my current hair care routine so not in a dire need of any change. :)

[Ylva]

[COLOR="#800080"]You really gotta wonder how someone who has a job working with people in such a close and intimate way as cutting one’s hair, could ever possibly justify being snippy with a customer....especially one they don’t even know. :crazyq:

I think many hairstylists see hair as just another fashion accessory, something that in our society needs to be changed fast as the trends change. They don't understand the part with patience and tolerating and even accepting and loving your thinning ends or an uneven colour, but to them that's something that needs to be fixed, even if it meant taking a lot of length off. And if the hair is too damaged to change the uneven colour, then just cut it... Sigh.

I have luckily found a very good hairstylist, but she still has a lot to learn... From me and my hair. :D

[Blondie Locks]

I think many hairstylists see hair as just another fashion accessory, something that in our society needs to be changed fast as the trends change. They don't understand the part with patience and tolerating and even accepting and loving your thinning ends or an uneven colour, but to them that's something that needs to be fixed, even if it meant taking a lot of length off. And if the hair is too damaged to change the uneven colour, then just cut it... Sigh.

I have luckily found a very good hairstylist, but she still has a lot to learn... From me and my hair. :D

I think hairstylists need a course in listening skills. That’s the biggest problem I have with them. I’m a pretty good communicator so I don’t think it’s unclear when I say take off 1 inch and no more. I mean this isn’t rocket science here. Somehow though, they always remove way more than I ask for.

Listening to your customers is the very basics of having good business skills....and yet so many can’t seem to get it right. It would be in their own best interest to listen anyway, so the person might return. So many have seen me once but never again.

[Ylva]

I think hairstylists need a course in listening skills. That’s the biggest problem I have with them. I’m a pretty good communicator so I don’t think it’s unclear when I say take off 1 inch and no more. I mean this isn’t rocket science here. Somehow though, they always remove way more than I ask for.

Listening to your customers is the very basics of having good business skills....and yet so many can’t seem to get it right. It would be in their own best interest to listen anyway, so the person might return. So many have seen me once but never again.

Do hairdressers in the US commonly physically show the customer the length they're about to cut off? Here in Finland they tend to do that, so you can approve it with your own eyes.

Same with me about hairdressers seeing me once but never again. After I took a years long break from hairdressers, I had to go to three before I found one I liked, my current hairdressers of choice. The first one would pile my hair in the sink while washing off bleach and it would become a ball of tangles. Then she would rip the hairbrush through my hair, starting from the top, just ripping, ripping, ripping, but making no progress... It was painful and I lost so much hair! :(

The second one just didn't respect my hair at all and made fun of its condition, which she then proceeded to make substantially worse by means of product misuse. I had to visit her once after that for a hairdo and she pulled and ripped my hair a lot while putting it up.

*shivers*

[Blondie Locks]

Do hairdressers in the US commonly physically show the customer the length they're about to cut off? Here in Finland they tend to do that, so you can approve it with your own eyes.

Same with me about hairdressers seeing me once but never again. After I took a years long break from hairdressers, I had to go to three before I found one I liked, my current hairdressers of choice. The first one would pile my hair in the sink while washing off bleach and it would become a ball of tangles. Then she would rip the hairbrush through my hair, starting from the top, just ripping, ripping, ripping, but making no progress... It was painful and I lost so much hair! :(

The second one just didn't respect my hair at all and made fun of its condition, which she then proceeded to make substantially worse by means of product misuse. I had to visit her once after that for a hairdo and she pulled and ripped my hair a lot while putting it up.

*shivers*

I live in Canada and I actually bring a mini ruler in my purse to show them how much I want trimmed...and yet they still can’t get it right. The only decent hairdresser I ever had, unfortunately moved away. He was the only one out of them all, who actually listened to me and did what I wanted. Good hairstylists are few and far between.

Makes me cringe to think about her ripping a brush through your hair. Ugh! Talk about a recipe for breakage. I treat my hair like it is fine lace and very gently move the brush through my hair, starting at the ends. Nobody will care for your hair as well as you will.

I am a very assertive type of person and I had a similar experience once with a hairstylist trying to rip a brush quickly through my hair. I got right up out of the chair and took the brush from her hands and proceeded to brush it myself. She didn’t like it but I really didn’t care. Nobody is going to abuse my hair like that and cause breakage. Needless to say, she never saw me back again.

[Ylva]

I live in Canada and I actually bring a mini ruler in my purse to show them how much I want trimmed...and yet they still can’t get it right. The only decent hairdresser I ever had, unfortunately moved away. He was the only one out of them all, who actually listened to me and did what I wanted. Good hairstylists are few and far between.

Makes me cringe to think about her ripping a brush through your hair. Ugh! Talk about a recipe for breakage. I treat my hair like it is fine lace and very gently move the brush through my hair, starting at the ends. Nobody will care for your hair as well as you will.

I am a very assertive type of person and I had a similar experience once with a hairstylist trying to rip a brush quickly through my hair. I got right up out of the chair and took the brush from her hands and proceeded to brush it myself. She didn’t like it but I really didn’t care. Nobody is going to abuse my hair like that and cause breakage. Needless to say, she never saw me back again.

Ah, lol, for some reason I took your "CA" location as California, since many people abbreviate it like that. I guess I briefly forgot that the big brother Canada existed. :ponder:

Hopefully you won't find the need to go to a hairdresser anytime soon, it's a real pain to try and find a half decent one. Good on you for making sure your hair doesn't get abused, though! I should become more like that. I may be mistaken, but around here, I mean in the Nordics, it's pretty common to want to be stoic and "just take it". I should tell my hairdresser not to hold the blowdryer so close to my scalp. She seems to forget to move it around and doesn't get the hint when I lean away. She does use a heat protectant on my hair, but unfortunately that won't save my scalp.

[Blondie Locks]

Ah, lol, for some reason I took your "CA" location as California, since many people abbreviate it like that. I guess I briefly forgot that the big brother Canada existed. :ponder:

Hopefully you won't find the need to go to a hairdresser anytime soon, it's a real pain to try and find a half decent one. Good on you for making sure your hair doesn't get abused, though! I should become more like that. I may be mistaken, but around here, I mean in the Nordics, it's pretty common to want to be stoic and "just take it". I should tell my hairdresser not to hold the blowdryer so close to my scalp. She seems to forget to move it around and doesn't get the hint when I lean away. She does use a heat protectant on my hair, but unfortunately that won't save my scalp.

Haha...thank you for telling me! To me, it looked like a Canadian flag icon...I had no idea it looked like CA to you guys! I just changed it.

Omgosh yes, they are notorious for burning people’s scalps with the blowfryer! Like they think we are made of tin or something. Ouch!

[JennGalt]

Do hairdressers in the US commonly physically show the customer the length they're about to cut off? Here in Finland they tend to do that, so you can approve it with your own eyes.

*snip*

No. Not in my experience. I can’t recall anyone ever doing that with me. Though I did have a hairdresser once tell me I only needed 2” of damaged ends cut off, and proceeded to only cut 1” because she looked closer after washing my hair and decided the damage wasn’t as bad as she initially thought. Which sounds awesome, but she also used a Marcel iron to straighten my hair... she said those get up to 700 degrees F (about 371 C). She didn’t burn any off though, despite the temperature.

[Blondie Locks]

I should also add, thunderseed, about the Vaseline...

I think you said that you are using some other type of petroleum jelly because it’s what you had. No problem but next time you’re out, pick yourself up a tub of real Vaseline with cocoa butter because it’s extra moisturizing and it smells amazing....sort of a chocolate-like scent. You might as well use the best if this is something you plan on doing regularly like I do.

The thing about real Vaseline too, is that unlike many of the no name types, it’s triple purified and it’s non-comedogenic, which means it will not clog pores....in case you want to put some on your scalp or on hair near your scalp, like I do from time to time. I mostly use it on my ends but it can do wonders for dry scalps and dry hair in general....as long as it’s used in moderation.

[MemeAimee]

I think micro-trimming is SOOO much better than trimming from the bottom! It has maintained so much of my length!

[JennyLue]

I use a product called OLAPLEX. Another one that works really well is L’Oréal lipidium treatment. Depending on what you’re comfortable using on your hair, these might be a great alternative to chopping it 5 inches. Maybe try 2 inches and a couple bottles of olaplex, then L’Oréal lipidium. I am highly prone to split ends these have worked wonders. They are expensive but worth it