Being demoralised by slower growth

[Claireabelle123]

A couple of months ago one of my friends got her hair cut. She doesn't actively care for it and straightens it everyday but it's always been longer than mine. So when she got it cut to shoulder length (mine was a few inches longer) I was like "yes finally, my hair will be longest" I know it sounds silly but it was great motivation knowing for once someone would consider mine longish compared to hers. Plus it would allow to sort of judge my growth seeing her.

I met her the other day... It's already longer!! She'd just washed it and hadn't straightened it yet.

Just wondering how other people stay motivated when people who don't look after their hair manage to overtake you in the hair growth. Or how not to become frustrated when your hair growth is a lot slower than others. I know everyone's hair growth is different but then you're taking supplements and actively DC and oiling your hair I just find it a bit demotivating. Does anyone else feel similar?

[LittleHealthy]

YES. My best friend has straight, blonde hair like mine. Only thing is her hair is thick. Mine is fine. Hers has always been super long, she dyes it, curls it, chops it etc and it always resumes a long length within a year and always looks healthy. She doesn’t give haircare a thought! Lucky girl! I just use her as inspiration to better care for my own.

[Lady Stardust]

I’d go crazy if I compared my hair to others. Mine doesn’t grow very fast and it’s not very thick, so I do my best to accept those limitations and set myself realistic goals. I’ve recently reached the first goal I set myself - collarbone length with a blunt fringe, as I love rockabilly events and styles. I love the over the top retro styles but I don’t have enough thickness at the sides to do them. Now that I’ve found a style that works for me, I enjoyed seeing all the lovely victory rolls I saw people wearing at a recent event, but I wasn’t envious, I was just pleased that my hair looked the part and was easy to do and didn’t require heat styling or hairspray.

Judging myself by someone else’s standards would just make me miserable. I do understand how you feel though. I remember when my brother’s hair overtook mine in length when we were teens, I was so annoyed! His is also thicker than mine with a lovely wave pattern so I just realised that I couldn’t compete with that and started to concentrate on what I had, rather than what I didn’t. There was a fair amount of grumbling and muttering before I got to that stage though :)

It’s fun to see what other people can do with their hair. My friends with fast growing hair can be quite reckless when trying out new styles because it won’t take long to grow out. There is a downside though - their styles go out of shape faster, roots need touching up all the time, and I hate to think how much maintenance a fringe would be!

[lapushka]

If that's your mindset, honey, what will this forum do to you with all the ladies on here who have longer hair than you? :flower:

It is what it is, some people's hair grows slower than average. Average is 1/2 inch a month.

Happy growing (don't beat yourself up about it so much).

[Claireabelle123]

Here everyone is in the same boat, we all want long hair sure, but hair health matters too.

I suppose there's a difference when it's someone you know and you see in reality compared to people and pictures you see on a screen. Don't get me wrong, I love seeing everyone's lovely hair on here, but it's with the understanding I don't know their hair journey, whereas when it's someone close to you and you see them not taking care of their hair but it growing like a machine it feels a little different :p

I dunno if I explained it right haha

[Messyhair]

I have a friend whose hair grows an inch a month, and I'm fighting with 1/4" monthly. Sigh. It just inspires me to try out new things that could help boost my growth. Castor oil, Monistat, whatever!

[spidermom]

I used to have feelings of envy about things like that but in my 60s I'm "meh". I don't know if I'd even notice.

[nycelle]

Like @Lady Stardust, I'd go crazy if I compared myself to anyone else. Be it my hair, weight, career or whatever. My friends are my friends, and while once in a while their may be that twinge of jealousy (especially when it comes to bags and shoes), I don't generally let it get to me. They're my friends after all, and I try to stay positive and happy for them, and for my sanity.

[*Wednesday*]

I can’t speak for everyone here. Growing hair should not be a competition. That creates stress where it’s not even necessary. It is a hobby (for me) to be enjoyed for pleasure. Here, we all support one another, even when one decides to cut their half all off. We all check in to see everyone’s growth, see how everyone is doing and encourage. You should have fun. I have slow growing hair (1/4 maybe some months 1/2), but it’s growing.

Be patient is the only advise I can give. Wear it up and don’t keep looking at the length.

[OhSuzi]

I secretly compete in my head against someone for longest hair - but not very seriously.
Hers does seem to grow much quicker, but she also bleaches and straightens and heat styles it a lot - so it might be a bit stretched and less good condition - thoughts that I only think to myself if having a bit of an insecure demotivated moment - but generally just accept her hair is hers, mine is mine and at the end of the day mine is the only hair to be bothered about.
Plus she'll get an exciting hair cut every now and again - which I actively encourage because I miss having hair cuts and they always look really nice on her - plus slowly slowly as I don't get mine cut it will eventually get permenantly longer than than most peoples!
...unless it reaches terminal....

[lapushka]

Here everyone is in the same boat, we all want long hair sure, but hair health matters too.

I suppose there's a difference when it's someone you know and you see in reality compared to people and pictures you see on a screen. Don't get me wrong, I love seeing everyone's lovely hair on here, but it's with the understanding I don't know their hair journey, whereas when it's someone close to you and you see them not taking care of their hair but it growing like a machine it feels a little different :p

I dunno if I explained it right haha

I think I "sort of" get it, but then I don't. I suppose it's the carelessness with which they look at their hair, and then you do care and it won't grow on you. It can be frustrating, sure, but I don't know if I'd envy a friend over it. But we're all different, I guess. :flower:

[lapis_lazuli]

My hair tends to grow slower than average, also. The envy, obsession, comparisons, I let them take up far too much of my mental space. And felt defeated as a bonus.

I have been in your shoes, and I know it's easy to say. But personally, once I started to wear my hair up, it consumed far less of my thoughts. I threw myself into other activities and let it grow in the background of my life, which left me ultimately happier. Physically putting it away put it away from my mind.

Some may be blessed with good hair, wealth, love, health, etc... but no one has everything. Let it grow slower than average - what's important is that it grows :)

In any case, if you find a way to reduce this stress, hair will grow more freely.
Good luck! :flowers:

[Joules]

My hair grows slightly faster than average, but boy oh boy is it horrible. My thickness and length seem to grow at completely different pace, when my hair grows longer it becomes very tapered and dry. I don't have to just wait for my hair to get long, I also have to put up with unpleasant ends for a year or two until it becomes thicker.

Saying that I envy ladies whose hair grows evenly would be an underestimation. When I look at them I start to think there's something wrond with my follicles and I'll never be able to have long hair. I started my hair growth journey almost 9 years ago, and prior to this year I've never had my hair longer than in-between waist and hip, because my taper frustrated me so much I just chopped off a ton of lentgh a few times.

Sometimes I wish my hair was slower but steadier. But then hey, there's nothing I can do about it. Coming to this forum helped me make peace with my hair, I realised I just have to work with whatever I have and be grateful for it. Fast but uneven growth is annoying, but at least I was able to grow out my bangs in no time! Maybe your growth is slower, but it grows beautifully blunt and without taper. There are advantages to everything :flowers:

[Lady Stardust]

Here everyone is in the same boat, we all want long hair sure, but hair health matters too.

I suppose there's a difference when it's someone you know and you see in reality compared to people and pictures you see on a screen. Don't get me wrong, I love seeing everyone's lovely hair on here, but it's with the understanding I don't know their hair journey, whereas when it's someone close to you and you see them not taking care of their hair but it growing like a machine it feels a little different :p

I dunno if I explained it right haha

We all have our demons :) Growing your hair long is a mental challenge, the same as anything else that takes time and patience. I’m 45, I don’t think I truly accepted and understood my hair type until I was at least in my late 30s, and I’m still discovering things about it now.

It gets easier when you learn to love your own hair because then you can stop comparing it to someone else’s.

[lapushka]

We all have our demons :) Growing your hair long is a mental challenge, the same as anything else that takes time and patience. I’m 45, I don’t think I truly accepted and understood my hair type until I was at least in my late 30s, and I’m still discovering things about it now.

It gets easier when you learn to love your own hair because then you can stop comparing it to someone else’s.

Same with me; I went natural with my hair in my 30s (no more hot blow drying or round brushing it straight, a "fuzzy" straight at best). I'm going to be 46 in little over a couple of days, so... :)

[frolickingfairy]

I know the feeling, but comparing yourself to others is a truly dreadful habit that I know all too well, so try your best not to think about it!

[Deborah]

Taking good care of your hair is helpful, but the speed at which it grows is genetic. Nothing can be done about that.

[Natalia_A00]

Their hair might be longer, but mine is healthier, probably stronger and thicker
I actually don't care if someone's hair is longer also... It's their journey, not mine!
I don't want really long hair if it's going to look like a mess, all damaged and fried :rolleyes:

[Natalia_A00]

Your hair is always going to be healthier, remember that. And health is beauty!
She's just lucky that her hair naturally grows faster

[MoonRabbit]

I remember when I first started growing at bsl and my sisters hair was bcl, being around her always sparked the 'I want long hair now!' vibe. But once I reached bcl 2 years later, all I could think about was how fast that time went by. It seems so slow when you want it but by the time you are there it was like a blink of an eye. People are prone to compare themselves to others, just don't let it get you upset, your hair is going on its own journey and you will end up appreciating each step of the process. It will just take a little time and patience.

At least growth is plausible to obtain with care and patience, unlike thickness which for me is only something I can appreciate in other beautiful heads here and never actually being able to achieve it. But I still love my hair for what it is.

[Stray_mind]

Comparing yourself to others in anything is a bad idea.. All people are different, have different genetics and are prone to different things.
I used to compare my thickness to a friend of mine who has probably a 5 inch ponytail circumference (mine is a little over 3 inches) and always looked at her hair with envy, but then i realized that i have other things that are good about my hair: my texture and softness, my fine strands, and my hair is also more shiny hahaha :D

I just try to think of the Positives instead of the negatives now, when it comes to my hair.

[sapphire-o]

If you have to compare, look at those people with hair shorter than yours. :D

I know it's hard. We naturally compare ourselves to other people on qualities we value. I never noticed long hair until I got long hair. I never noticed hair thickness until my hair thinned with age. Now I see my son't hair (he got it from me) that looks just like mine, except it's thicker and nicer looking, and can't help but being rather envious. Well at least my hair gene is strong and seems to pass down the generations (from my grandma, to my dad, to me and my son) unchanged. That's something positive about it.

[Astrid Carlisle]

I know exactly what you mean in relation to someone you personally know, as opposed to people online. A close friend of mine has pin straight hair to her hips. It doesnt frizz at all, it keepts its hemline straight, no taper or split ends, grows fast. And now has many blonde highlights, doesn't care for it much, but it's great. I used to wish I had her hair, but now I have her as inspiration, I just accept that that's how her hair is, and that's how my hair is by nature. Accept your hair for YOUR hair, and find good things to look forward to as you are growing it, and what you already have now.

[Andthetalltrees]

I know this might sound weird being in this community, but maybe you should care slightly less about your hair? I got frustrated with mine when I kept experimenting with things that work for other people, But definitely never will work for mine. I spent so much time thinking if I did "this" or "that" I'd get wavy hair, if I washed less or co-washed my hair would be better, If I wore it up 24/7 I'd be a true LCHer. But...Guess what none of that worked in a way I wanted it to so I had to let it go. My hair is different, Your hair is different. You should do whatever you need to to make it comfortable to live with your hair and accept what you cannot change. I've stopped even worrying about comparing my hair now because I know it's unique and whatever I do now works, Even if it's not somebody else's ideal it's mine.

Even take awhile off from thinking about your hair, if you feel like you do too much and don't get results then..Go back to basics and take a month or so off from even looking or thinking about hair. That helps clear my mind.I just did this in fact and I've came back refreshed and ready to grow longer.

[goneJackal]

It's all about mindset!
Hair growing shouldn't be a competition - it doesn't need to be, at least.

Competitions can be very stressful, particularly when there's only so much you can do about your performance (such as hair growth).
It's harder to keep a non-competitive mindset around competitive people, but it is possible - and healthier, in my opinion.

Don't be so hard on yourself, keep motivated. Your hair is beautiful! https://felipesv.websiteseguro.com/forum/k_feliz.gif

[Kake]

I totally get where you're coming from. I have a friend with beautiful, glossy, balyaged hair, healthy as can be. I don't begrudge her her beautiful hair, of course not, but I feel like the equivalent of the ugly friend (hair wise) when I'm with her. It's tough.