View Full Version : Help growing...what am I doing wrong???

August 13th, 2018, 10:16 AM
Hi! I've been growing my hair my whole life, never cut it, and it refuses to grow beyond just above my tailbone. I think I lose length to split ends, but I don't want to trim it regularly. I wash it about once a week (is that not often enough?) with shampoo and a conditioner that I leave in for a few minutes before rinsing and patting dry with a hair towel. After wash I have shea butter milk that I put in, and the next morning I have another milk that keeps it from drying out too much. I never brush when wet, only finger comb, and I avoid brushing when dry as much as I can.

What am I doing wrong? Is there something I'm missing, or am I destined for frustrating hair? I appreciate any help!!

August 13th, 2018, 10:27 AM
You can S&D (search & destroy), this is cutting individual hairs off when there is a split; you cut just above the split. This way you don't have to trim at all, except when there is major splits all over. That would be the exception.

You aren't doing anything wrong, from what I read. :shrug:

Some people do have "terminal lengths", but it's not that common.

Do you heat style in any way? Blow dryer *too* hot (only use on warm/cool and then it's fine), or hot tools (no-no). If you are using heat, you may be losing hair length to breakage.

August 13th, 2018, 10:32 AM
No, no heat tools or hair dryers, and I've never dyed or bleached it. I'll definitely try S&D, maybe that will do the trick?

August 13th, 2018, 10:38 AM
Do you wear your hair down regularly or up?

August 13th, 2018, 10:38 AM
95% of the time my hair is down. Is that hard on it?

August 13th, 2018, 10:48 AM
You could have an issue with breakage which, as Lapushka suggested, you can begin to deal with by S&D (using sharp, haircutting scissors). If it comes to needing a trim, don't fear too much - I only take an eighth of an inch off at a time and my ends always thank me :)

How do you typically wear your hair? Down, braided, up? Wearing it down often, or even braided, will leave it very open to mechanical damage (ex. rubbing against the back of a chair) which could effect some of the split ends you're seeing.

I suffered the same issue and resolved to wearing my hair up most of the time, and if I'm compelled to wear it down, it's contained in a braid. I actually feel more at ease to put it up and away in a bun and let it grow in the background of my life :)

Also, I stopped using heat of any kind on my hair about five years ago, minus occasionally sitting in the sun to speed up air drying.

I can't say for sure what you're doing 'wrong', but doing these things have personally helped me push past length stalls in the past :) Wish you success!

August 13th, 2018, 11:05 AM
95% of the time my hair is down. Is that hard on it?

Yup, that'll do it. I was in a slightly similar position as you before finding LHC - I always wore it in a bun or ponytail secured with a hair elastic (the 'non-damaging' ones without metal) and had to have it 'trimmed' every year (~6 inches to cut off all the damage ... from the 'non-damaging' hair elastics :rolleyes: ) and my hair never went beyond tailbone with a very raggedy hemline. Protective buns with hair sticks and hair forks revolutionised my hair care! Granted, my ends are not spectacular, but they are still attached thanks to not wearing them away and needing the rest chopped off ;)

There are a wealth of beautiful, protective hairstyles you can find and learn how to do here, so have fun experimenting! :D :flower:

August 13th, 2018, 11:14 AM
95% of the time my hair is down. Is that hard on it?

Yep! If it's down, the ends are exposed to more damage which can lead to breakage. Buns are a great protective style, and using hair friendly toys (sticks/forks) will help you determine if that if your terminal length or just breakage.

August 13th, 2018, 11:21 AM
Sounds like you are dealing with some breakage. Do S&D (search & destroy). I do that every 6 months or once a year. You can also try deep conditioning your hair once a week. Or, you can try deep treatments once or twice a week.

August 13th, 2018, 12:10 PM
Seconding and thirding ^^ the people who have said "down will do it". Oh yes, for sure. Especially if it's TBL, that will "hang" and rub on anything and everything.

I wear my hair up in a LWB (lazy wrap bun) all the time when I'm up, and down to sleep (to let it breathe at least a bit). And my hair is thriving and now classic+ on its way to FTL (fingertip length).

There's a few buns you can try, but I'd definitely go that way rather than braids or so.

You can hold up buns with forks, sticks, spin pins, do *not* use an elastic band!

August 13th, 2018, 12:14 PM
Yup, wearing it down does cause damage for most people. Try wearing it up, bunned in a protective style for a few months and you will likely see a difference :) It's how I got my hair so long.

August 13th, 2018, 01:28 PM
Oh my gosh, thank you all so much! I had no idea that would cause breakage. Definitely will be putting it up now, and we'll see how it goes :)

August 13th, 2018, 09:22 PM
Oh yes down is your most likely culprit for sure!

I wear my hair down a lot at home, more because I can't bother to put it up than out of affection for it being down. But I've purchased a handful of lovely hairsticks and forks (the sticks are from Outnumbered Novelties, or ONN as he's often referred to here on LHC, and I highly recommend them if you've got about $20 to spare! You can get a pair shipped to you for about that much, give or take a couple bucks), and have practiced the disc bun enough that I can have it up in under a minute.

Under a minute!! And to be honest, the disc bun is a bit more involved that others that will likely be my go-to's once my hair is long enough.

But you can use just a chopstick or pencil or something!

Jo Ann
August 14th, 2018, 12:05 AM
95% of the time my hair is down. Is that hard on it?

That can be VERY hard! When mine is down, it likes to, shall we say, get in touch with it's world. It likes to wrap around things (and people), get caught on things, and all kinds of mischief. As Seeshami would say, "It's a Naughty Mess"!

August 14th, 2018, 08:12 PM
I don't think it's that unusual for hair to stop growing longer at some point. Old hairs shed out, new hairs grow in, and the most accepted school of thought is that hair growth per month multiplied by number of months that the hair keeps growing equals the terminal length. It's all determined by genetics; some hairs grow faster, some grow slower, and some hairs stay on the head longer than others.

But hey - maybe changing your habits will allow for a longer length. Good luck!